Oddaptation: Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus

For those of you new to my Oddaptations, they're kinda Spark Notes meets Shrinklits for picture books, usually in rhyme and always with attitude.

So, for example, they go like this....


Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus
by Mo Willems
Oddaptation by
Greg Pincus

The Pigeon wants to drive the bus.
How to stop his whine? His fuss?
Saying "No!" is not a winner...
Here's a thought: try squab for dinner.

It's been some time since I posted a new Oddaptation, so if you've not even seen 'em before, you can check out a bunch over on the right hand side of the blog (or by clicking this handy Oddaptation link here). Heck, you can check 'em out even if you have seen them before.

And if you want to get all my poems emailed to you for freeee as they hit the blog, enter your email address in the box below then click subscribe!

The Lorax Oddaptation (a re-issue)

It's been a long time since I've posted or re-posted an Oddaptation here. For the record, Oddaptations are kinda SparkNotes of picture books... except they're in rhyme and with a "pointed point of view."

Since today is Dr. Seuss's birthday (and Read Across America Day) AND the movie version of the Lorax is coming out, re-issuing this Oddaptation from the vaults seems appropriate:

THE LORAX
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

The Lorax -- bossy, loud and rude --
Says to Onceler, “Listen, dude,
You’ve turned air all black and funky.
You’ve made ponds turn thick and gunky.
Trees are gone and now there’s weeds...
And no one needs your ugly thneeds.”
The Lorax doesn’t offer help.
All he does is moan and yelp.
Soon he’s overcome with stress,
And leaves behind one word: Unless.
Time goes on as time must do.
Onceler finally gets a clue.
When he’s learned he misbehaved,
He tosses you the seed he’s saved.
I say put it in your pocket
Then inside a safe and lock it.
Cuz if a forest blooms anew...
That Lorax will come back here, too.

The Poetry Friday roundup is over at Dori Reads today. Head on over and check it out (including Dori's fine, fine interview with Laura Purdie Salas who has TWO new poetry books out).

If you'd to get all my poems, including the Oddaptations, emailed to you for freeee as they hit the blog, enter your email address in the box below then click subscribe!

Oddaptation (redux!): Where the Wild Things Are

Today sees the release of the feature film version of Where the Wild Things are, so it seemed a good day to re-issue my Oddaptation of that classic picture book. You can click here for the Oddaptation definition and backstory... or just think Cliff Notes with attitude.


WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
by Maurice Sendak
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Another family meal is missed:
Max is angry. Max is pissed.
And rumpus beasts? They don’t exist...
My word, Max needs a therapist!


If you want to get all my new poems (and only the poems) emailed to you for freeee as they hit the blog, enter your email address in the box below then click subscribe.

And hey... the fabulously poetic Laura Purdie Salas has this week's Poetry Friday roundup. Head on over and check out the fun!

Oddaptation: Where's Waldo?

It's been some time since I posted an Oddaptation, and since Waldo just turned 21 last week and was in the news, it seemed like a good time to Oddapt Waldo. (For those new to Oddaptations, they are kinda like Cliff Notes with attitude... or distillations of the reading experience in rhyme (and with attitude). There are links to all the prior Oddaptations on the right hand side of the blog or through the label below.) And so, with no further ado....

WHERE’S WALDO?
by Martin Handford
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Where is Waldo?
I can’t tell.
Boy, he’s hidden really well.
I tried to find his pointy hat
But sadly had no luck with that.
I failed to find his stripy shirt.
I’ve looked so long my eyeballs hurt.
I cannot find his wavy hair.
I just can’t find him anywhere!
I will not take another look.
It’s time to throw away this book.
I’m angry now and full of rage!
I... THERE HE IS!!!!
Hooray!
Next page!


Here are this week's Poetry Friday links courtesy of the Miss Rumphius Effect.

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Oddaptation: Horton Hears a Who

Seemed like a fine time for another Oddaptation to me, and since it is my blog... you get one! For those not familiar with my Oddaptations, you can see them all collected over on the right (cleverly under the headline "The Oddaptations"). Or if you don't want to read others, just think of them as kinda Cliff's Notes/Spark notes of picture books... but with some attitude (and rhyme) thrown in. So with no further ado...


HORTON HEARS A WHO
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Every Who down in Who-ville liked Horton a lot,
But a sour kangaroo and some monkeys did NOT!
They all hated Horton, who claimed there were houses
And Whos on some dust that was too small for mouses.

So they hatched an idea.
An awful idea.
Those beasts hatched a wonderful, awful idea.

They stole the Who dust speck! They stole Horton’s clover!
When Horton re-found it, his troubles weren’t over.
Before Horton knew it, the beasts had him bound!
The Whos knew that soon they would surely be drowned!
They had to be noticed. They HAD to make noise.
‘Twas no time for shirking or playing with toys.

Then when every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was ruckusing (without any presents at all),
The beasts heard a sound rising out of the speck --
A final, clear “yopp” had saved every Who neck!

And what happened then? Well, in Who-ville they say
They gained a whole lot of protectors that day
And learned that if every last person unites
You’re probably gonna win most of your fights.
But otherwise know as you bellow and bawl...
You’re only one person, no matter how small.



It's also Poetry Friday and the links are up over at The Simple and the Ordinary. Go on and check it all out.

Oddaptation: The Cat in the Hat

After quite a layoff, it's the return of the Oddaptations. For those who aren't familiar with exactly what an Oddaptation is, you can look over to the right and click on links (helpfully collected under "The Oddaptations" headline), or you can check this post. But briefly, think Spark Notes/Cliff Notes of a picture book... but with attitude.

And really, come to think of it, that's probably all you need to know so you can understand that I'm not picking a fight with the Cat. But an Oddapter's gotta do what an Oddapter's gotta do....


THE CAT IN THE HAT
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Two kids, both quite young, alone at home sat
And let in a stranger -- a tall, talking cat.
The fish in his pot cried, “he can’t be about!”
But the Cat in the Hat just would not be kicked out.
Instead he played “games,” and he showed the kids “Things,”
And left a huge mess that was worthy of kings.
But the Cat then came back (on the very same day)
Cuz he always puts all of his playthings away.
Still he left those two youngsters quite troubled, it’s true,
Since you know they’ll now lie to their mom. Wouldn’t you?


(And hey, this week's Poetry Friday roundup is over at Becky's Book Reviews. Go spend some time being poetic and read some reviews, too!)

Tommy, can you hear me?

We might never know the answer to that, of course, but here's the news: YOU can hear me. "How?" I hear you ask in unison.

By listening to Fuse #8's latest podcast, that's how.

You get all sorts of Fuse-y goodness and then, near the end, you get to hear me read my Rainbow Fish Oddaptation. Need more Fuse? Check her blog, too, for cool news, funny stories, odd and intriguing tidbits, and reviews galore.

Oddaptation: If I Ran the Circus, If I Ran the Zoo, On Beyond Zebra, Scrambled Eggs Super

It's been a few months since my last Oddaptation (and if you're new to the concept, please see the label below or the links over on the right hand side of the blog to understand what an Oddaptation is (hint: attitudinal cliff notes) AND to see prior ones). In the interim, I'd gotten a couple notes asking me to Oddapt more Seuss. So I figured, huh, why not do a bunch of Seuss at once? I could probably add to this title (Happy Birthday to You, anyone?), but four books at once seemed enough. But if you feel the need for more than four, feel free to add to the list!


IF I RAN THE CIRCUS/IF I RAN THE ZOO/ON BEYOND ZEBRA/SCRAMBLED EGGS SUPER
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

These books share a gist:
Each works as a list.
The plots don’t much matter,
Though sometimes kershplatter.
You don’t know that word?
Then it’s time that you heard
These books invent things
Like pwabackalecklings.
So read ‘em aloud
To any size crowd
Or just son or daughter...
And wish they were shawter.




A Wrung Sponge has the Poetry Friday roundup! Get thee hence....

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Oddaptation: Guess How Much I Love You

It's Oddaptation time once again, and for those new in these parts, I hope you'll look to the links to the right to get a fuller sense of what that means. But in short, I like to think of Oddaptations as being like Spark Notes or Cliff Notes of picture books (usually in rhyme and with the synopsis and the... uh... analysis all wrapped together. If you can call it analysis as opposed to saying I need analysis!).

Anyway, with no further ado, I hope you can all guess how much I love you. Or, if you can't, I hope you read the Oddaption of the same name....


GUESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU
by Sam McBratney

Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Said Big Nut Brown Hare to Little Nut Brown Hare
“No matter how much you love, I will love more-r
I’ll always love you more than you’ll love me.”
“No you won’t.”
“Yes I will.”
“No you won’t.”
“Yes I will.”
And Little Nut Brown Hare thought long and deep
And knew it was pointless… so drifted to sleep.


Hey, hey, it's Poetry Friday, and Elaine at the Blue Rose Girls has the roundup of links.

Oddaptation: The Carrot Seed

It's been a bit since I posted an Oddaptation, so for those running into their first, I hope you'll check the related links over to the right on the blog (collected under "The Oddaptations"). Basically, though, if you think of Cliff Notes or Spark Notes of picture books... but with attitude and rhyme... you're on the right track. Now, I know what you're thinking (and by "you," I mean at least one of you out there): the Carrot Seed is simple, shy on words, and really a wonderful book. Exactly true, and that, of course, makes it a perfect candidate for Oddapting.


THE CARROT SEED
by Ruth Krauss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Doubting mother.
Bratty brother.
Dad says, "No, son.
You won't grow one."
I've got same woe:
My kin? Lame-o.
Know what we need?
Family tree seed.


(And hey, it's Poetry Friday... and Kelly has collected the links!)

Oddaptation: How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Up until now, when I've Oddapted, you'll note that I don't say much about my own thoughts on the book in question, preferring to leave some mystery in the Oddaptation, I suppose. (To check this claim out AND to find out what Oddaptations are, won't you peek at the links collected to the side of the blog under the headline The Oddaptations? Thanks.) However, in this case, I'll say it: I love the book. Still, the Grinch called out to be Oddapted... but in a somewhat different way than my usual rhyming, attitudinal style. What better way to start December AND greet poetry Friday (links collected handily by Kelly)? OK, maybe there are better ways, but you get no choice!

As always, I'd love to hear suggestions for future Oddaptations, other feedback, and winning lottery numbers.


HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Don’t worry. He didn’t.

Oddaptation: The Sneetches

For those who've read prior Oddaptations (helpfully collected to the right of the blog under the headline "The Oddaptations"), you know that synopsis mixes with point of view mixes with whatever I so choose when I do these. This particular attempt to Oddapt Seuss was done some time ago but seems to fit nicely with the news of the week, so here ya go. And happy Poetry Friday (links collected by Nancy)!



THE SNEETCHES
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.


For as long as they’d known, all the Star Bellied Sneetches
Had lived as the kings and the queens of the beaches.
The Sneetches with bellies as plain as the day
Lived empty lives teeming with gloom and dismay.

One day a fine chap by the name of McBean
Came by with a Star On and Star Off Machine.
The Plain Bellies paid and were given new stars.
Then Star Bellies paid and removed theirs from thars.

Then in again, out again, stars off and on
Til every last bit of their savings was gone.
McBean rode off laughing. The Sneetches looked sorry:
They no longer knew who'd been plain or been starry.

But then as they stood in the sand of their beaches
They suddenly realized that Sneetches are Sneetches.
Yes, Sneetch-Sneetch relations have truly made progress…
And McBean was last seen making oodles from Congress.

Oddaptation: Where the Wild Things Are

Yes, it's Oddaptation time again here at GottaBook. For those new to Oddapting, if you follow that handy link back in the prior sentence OR look to the right hand side of the blog under The Oddaptations, you'll get up to speed right quick. But if you think "attitudinal, oft rhyming Cliff Notes of picture books," you'd be on the right track.

Today's Oddaptation choice is actually my currently most requested title... but NEVER in public comments, only by e-mail. Why is that, I wonder? Dunno, but Halloween time seems like as good a time as any to toss this one out into the light of day, so here all ye requesters go. As always, if other titles pop into your mind for Oddaptations, be sure to let me know... in comments or by e, natch.


WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
by Maurice Sendak
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Another family meal is missed:
Max is angry. Max is pissed.
And rumpus beasts? They don’t exist…
My word, Max needs a therapist!

Oddaptation: Curious George

It's been some time since I've posted an Oddaptation, so I figured the drought should end along with summer. For those new to Oddapting, check the links over to the right (under The Oddaptations) to get a fuller picture. Or just think of them as picture book Cliff Notes in rhyme with a point of view mixed in.

It seems like a good time for a take on Curious George, what with a new animated series just debuting. Also, beyond the triumverate of mediocrity, it's my most requested title. Still, I decided to go a step farther and see if I could do one Oddaptation to sum up the entire Curious George collection (which is huge, since earlier TV series led to books galore, not to mention all the original Rey works). The result is below.

As always, suggestions for future Oddaptations are encouraged. And please note that the tone of voice you choose for the last line is entirely up to you.


CURIOUS GEORGE
(all books)
by H.A. Rey & Margaret Rey
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

George is a monkey who’s always quite curious,
But if you did what he did your folks would be furious.
He complicates life, making messes quite frightful…
Yet things turn out fine in the end.
How delightful.

Oddaptation: Hop on Pop

Ahhh, how does one Oddapt a classic book full of... well... full of lots of words? If you check the Oddaptation links to the right, you'll see that everything else I've posted so far has been a book with at least a modicum of plot. But the good Dr. throws a curve with this perennial. Still, I think I found a few key elements of the book -- both "plot" and style -- and added the needed point of view to make this seem like an Oddaptation to me. And since it's my word... heck, yeah! As always, I'd love to hear your suggestions for other candidates....


HOP ON POP
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

TOT GOT
What book’s tot got?

NOT PLOT
There’s not a plot.

USED BRUISED
Pop’s used and bruised.

Hey, this Pop is not amused!

SO SLOW
This book’s so slow.

OH WOE
More rhymes to go.

BUM NUMB
My bum’s gone numb!

Read it again? Go ask your mum.

Oddaptation: The Lorax

What's this, you say? An Oddaptation of Seuss? Well, it had to happen, as the good Dr. wrote soooooo many classics/best-sellers and, well, those are what a guy like me has to Oddapt.

For those new to my Oddaptations, you can find out more via the links on the right under the headline The Oddaptations. But basically we're talking about mixing picture books with Cliff's Notes (synopsis, analysis) and a "pointed point of view." Dealing with a master rhymer like Dr. Seuss presented new challenges, of course, but why only take on the easy targets?

As always, feel free to suggest other titles you think are deserving....


THE LORAX
by Dr. Seuss
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

The Lorax -- bossy, loud and rude --
Says to Onceler, “Listen, dude,
You’ve turned air all black and funky.
You’ve made ponds turn thick and gunky.
Trees are gone and now there’s weeds…
And no one needs your ugly thneeds.”
The Lorax doesn’t offer help.
All he does is moan and yelp.
Soon he’s overcome with stress,
And leaves behind one word: Unless.
Time goes on as time must do.
Onceler finally gets a clue.
When he’s learned he misbehaved,
He tosses you the seed he’s saved.
I say put it in your pocket
Then inside a safe and lock it.
Cuz if a forest blooms anew…
That Lorax will come back here, too.

Oddaptation: The Rainbow Fish

For those of you reading your first Oddaptation, you might be wondering just what you've stumbled into. Basically, I've decided to do Cliff Notes versions of classic and/or huge-selling picture books... and I combine synopsis and analysis in one short, rhyming package. Oh, yeah, there's some attitude thrown in, too.

As you'll see if you read the other Oddaptations linked on the right hand side of the blog, I'm still debating what, exactly, makes one of these "perfect." Just like in writing a picture book manuscript, there's a balance needed between images, plot, and "moral," for lack of a better term. I can safely say, however, the balance is very different when one Oddapts.

As always, feel free to suggest a title for an Oddaptation. Who knows? One morning you may wake up to find your favorite title here... and you may never look at it (or me) the same way again. Who can pass up a possibility like that?


THE RAINBOW FISH
by Marcus Pfister
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

Its scales shine and shimmer – a rainbow in motion.
There’s no fish quite like it no matter what ocean.
But sadly that fish was quite lonely and blue:
“It’s just ‘cause I’m special, but what can I do?”
It could have looked inward or tried acting nice…
Instead it went swimming then followed advice.
It gave out its scales to fish sisters and brothers
So all fish were equal (and none more than others).
Thus Rainbow Fish learned, as new “friends” came a-swarming,
Don’t try to be special; Find joy in conforming!

Oddaptation: Love You Forever

For those unfamiliar with my Oddaptations, I think they can best be described as abridged versions of classic or wildly best-selling picture books... with attitude. I explain the concept more in the earlier posted Oddaptations, handily linked on the right. I have a slew of these, including some where I take on my own absolutely all-time favorite books, so please note that I mean no disrespect when I Oddapt. So why Love You Forever? Well, I can tell you from the e-mail I've received and comments on other blogs that one title everyone seemed to want to see Oddapted was this particular one. So enjoy... and if you have suggestions for other titles I should Oddapt, let me know.


LOVE YOU FOREVER
by Robert Munsch
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

No matter the trouble her baby boy makes
That momma will love him forever.
As toddler and teen he could be quite a pain.
Would momma stop loving? No, never.
She’d creep in his room and then rock him in bed.
She’d leave not a faint trace behind.
She still did it after he’d had his own kids.
You’d think that the boy’s wife might mind.
That mom sets no boundaries. She’s way too obsessed.
Her actions are surely regrettable.
Her son, it appears, he still loves her to tears...
But one day you know he’ll go Oedipal.

Oddaptation: The Polar Express

This is a "you pick 'em" event! I did two very different Oddaptations here as I continue to hone what I think an ideal Oddaptation should be. The question this time around is whether some plot summary is desirable or whether it's "better" to simply go straight with point of view (and in this case, a Poe reference). Please weigh in on the debate or just pick your favorite of the two (or if they're blah, say that, too). It's your chance to help define the genre....


THE POLAR EXPRESS
by Chris Van Allsburg
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

If you can hear the ringing of my bell bell bell bell,
Then you believe in Santa and that's swell swell swell swell
Cuz I've some land in Florida to sell sell sell sell
And you can buy my Brooklyn Bridge as well well well well.
So do you hear the ringing of my bell bell bell bell?

OR

Train ride, fright'ning!
Fast as lightning!
Way up to the Pole.
I'm selected,
Then dejected…
Pocket had a hole.
Christmas Day now.
Whoa! No way now:
Sleigh bell makes it here.
Gorgeous ringing -
Ding-a-linging -
Echoes in my ear.
Christmas spirit?
Yes, I hear it.
All believers do.
Lose that magic?
'twould be tragic…
Then I'd be like you.

Oddaptations

One night, for no reason I can recall, I started writing “condensed” versions of picture book classics, often with, shall we say, a bit of attitude thrown in. At first I started calling these little ditties “Cliff’s Notes for Busy Parents.” Later I called them kidlits in honor of Maurice Sagoff’s great Shrinklits (the opening couplet of his condensed Beowulf is ever-etched in my mind: Monster Grendel’s tastes are plainish. Breakfast? Just a couple Danish.). Finally, I settled on Oddaptations, a name I think fits nicely.

My goal was usually to be as brief as possible – I sum up all Curious George books in four lines, for example -- though occasionally a longer form was called for (my take on Are You My Mother is written as an epic). Most are in rhyme, though like with picture books in general, some simply don’t want to be rhymin’. I have no idea what to do with them, so I figured here was a good place to start sharing. I’d love to hear feedback, btw, but am happy just to let them see the light of day....


GOODNIGHT MOON -- Margaret Wise Brown
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

That great room is green.
That old lady’s spooky.
That half eaten bowlful of mush is quite ooky.
That Cow on the wall has leapt off of the ground,
And someone named Nobody’s walking around.
All over the room runs a squeaky, small mouse…
So I hope you sleep well in this creepy, weird house.


THE GIVING TREE -- Shel Silverstein
Oddaptation by Gregory K.

As a young boy, he was sweet and not needy,
But as he grew up, he became super greedy.
The tree shoulda told him to shut his big yap.
But no... that poor tree gave new meaning to “sap.”


(links to all my posted Oddaptations are collected on the right hand side of the blog under the headline "The Oddaptations")


If you want to get all my new poems (and only the poems) emailed to you for freeee as they hit the blog, enter your email address in the box below then click subscribe!