I've been spending some time with a friend, Toni. Toni is 74 years old. I first met Toni several years ago when she did a story on me (teaching yoga) for the local paper. Since then, our paths have crossed several times throughout the years. Most recently, she was a student in my Friday afternoon senior yoga classes. After I stopped teaching that class, we kept in touch.
Toni has led a very interesting life - a life that hasn't always been the easiest for her. I think, if truth be told, none of us have had the easiest of lives. Of course, perspective enters in to that as well. What may be difficult for some, may be considered as a cake walk for others.
Last Saturday I picked Toni up and we attended the Kite Festival. It was a perfect day for it as the ND wind was blowing at hurricane levels. We sat in the car mostly and watched the stunning kites dance in the wind. I'm always fascinated by the movement - so mesmerizing and freeing.
We had a great time, talking and conversions about life. It wasn't long and our conversation turned to energy, specifically the energy of others, and the affect it has on us. Toni said something that resonated with me. "We have to learn not to pick up the stick." When I asked her to clarify what she meant, she said again, "Don't pick up the stick, Sherry."
Toni, a former writer for the local paper has the most unique and amazing way or looking at things.
She gave an appropriate analogy; Imagine yourself on top of a tree looking down at the ground after a wind storm. There are branches strewn everywhere on the ground from the turbulent wind. . From on top of the tree, they look small and insignificant to you. You think they are manageable and easy to carry, if you were to pick one of them up from the ground. But as you descend to the ground, the twigs become larger branches. If you were to pick one up, it be would be difficult - heavy and cumbersome to carry. That, she said, is your choice; to pick up the branch. The stick, of course, is the energy (negativity) of others.
The same goes for my own sticks, in this case - emotions or feelings.. She offered another appropriate analogy. I'm sitting on the banks of a flowing river. If I look up stream, I can see sticks in the river flowing in my direction. They may look smaller in size, but as they draw closer, their size increases and they are, in fact, branches. I can choose to pluck the branch from the river and carry it, or let it float by until it gets smaller in the distance and disappears from site. My choice....pick up the stick, or let it pass.
I explained that I am a classic Virgo and it's in my nature to want to help others - to want to be a caring and compassionate person. But it wounds my heart when people call me and the entire conversation is all about them and their problems and I rarely hear, "and how are you doing". It wouldn't sting so bad if it was an occasional thing, but it happens with some people over and over again.
Tonie, in her infinite wisdom smiled and said,, "of course they would do this to you.....you are carrying their sticks!"
Wise one, that Toni, wise one.
I had a conversation with a very close and dear friend this week about cutting toxic people from my life. (They are not one that needs to be cut, by the way - just to clarify if they're reading this!). They definitely agreed that some people can be draining and toxic....woefully so, I'm afraid...and it may be time to distance from a few people ....and let them learn to carry their own sticks.
As for me, I'll try very hard to only pick up sticks that serve my purpose - the happy sticks, and to let the anger, judgement, guilt, sadness, mistrust, etc float by on the river.
