A Good Idea Implemented

Brace yourselves, folks. The Gang Who Couldn't Shoot Straight did something right last week, and I'm acknowledging it.

Starting last week, numerous Felony District Courts began getting pre-commit attorneys as Felony "Fours".

For those of you not familiar with the terminology, a "Pre-Commit" is a soon-to-be lawyer who is just waiting on the results of his or her Bar Exam results before they can get sworn in and all officially lawyerlike. The District Attorney's Office hires them after a lengthy interview process and they begin conditional employment with a Bar Card (it's kind of like a Learner's Permit for lawyers. You can drive, but a licensed attorney has to be sitting with you). The condition is that the Pre-Commit has to pass the Bar Exam.

In the past, Pre-Commits who were hired by the Office went directly to the Misdemeanor Courts where they filled the role of a Misdemeanor Three -- trying DWI cases with no accidents or breath tests, small marijuana and theft cases, etc. It wasn't a bad idea, because they could get a couple of trials under their belt before they were even bona fide lawyers.

However, although starting a pre-commit could get some trial experience, what starting in Misdemeanor failed to provide them with was some good old fashioned Perspective.

In one of my posts last year, I pointed out that rising up through the ranks as the D.A.'s Office promotion ladder is structured was a good way to gradually get more comfortable trying progressively serious cases. The downfall of that is that the prosecutor is perpetually at the zenith of his or her most important cases tried.

I pointed out the example that I started in the Justice of the Peace Division and by God, I was one hell of a crusader against them No-Seatbelt-Wearing Bastards. Had I spent some time in the Felony Division before heading down to Class C court, the speeding ticket cases might not have seemed quite as proportional to a Capital Murder to me.

The Gang's idea of sending the Pre-Commits into the Felony Courts first is not one that they originated, but they do deserve credit for implementing it.

A Baby Pre-Commit now has the benefit of getting his or her first lessons in prosecution from a seasoned Felony Chief who has been prosecuting for years. These are the men and women of the D.A.'s Office who have actually tried the murders, sexual assaults, and aggravated robberies and have a lot to teach. The Pre-Commits might actually get to learn how to truly work up a case, and ultimately learn the difference from a good case and a bad case.

But the real value in it, in my opinion, is that the Pre-Commits under the new policy will realize that there is a tremendous difference between a murder and a misdemeanor possession of marijuana, and there truly is not such a thing as a "Capital DWI" trial. That type of perspective can shape the general attitude of the prosecutors in the Trial Bureau, while making them better at their jobs at the same time.

So, good call this time, Gang.

There, now I've actually written a post complimenting the new administration. The Final Sign of the CJC Apocalypse has arrived . . .

A Minor Sign of the CJC Apocalypse?

This morning at the CJC had the added entertainment of a stray dog hanging out in the lobby along with the backlogged defendants waiting to go through the metal detectors.

The friendly brown dog actually cut in line a few people ahead of me, and happily made his way through the lobby. The Elite Wackenhutt S.W.A.T. and Security Team didn't seem all that bothered over the fact that Fido had shown up for an unexpected court appearance, and they certainly made no attempts to corral him.

No word on what the dog was charged with.

Fire!

Immediately on the heels of the Great Rat Snake Crisis of '08, visitors to the CJC were greeted this morning with the SECOND sign that the CJC Apocalypse is upon us.

The first sign that something new was wrong was that the line to reach the elevator bank was backed up all the way to the metal detectors in the foyer, which, in turn, created a back up well out the door of the CJC. There were also fire trucks in front of the building.

Um, okay, on second thought, the lines to the elevator backing up to the metal detectors and the presence of fire trucks in front of the building are actually pretty typical of any day at the CJC. Defendants do love to exercise their God-given right to pull the fire alarms in the hallway, unfortunately.

But today, as it turns out, the presence of the fire department was actually necessary!

In the early morning hours today, a small, accidental fire broke out in one of the offices surrounding the 183rd District Court on the 18th floor of the building. In one of the few moments of something in the CJC working like it was supposed to, the fire extinguisher sprinklers burst into action, and successfully put out the fire.

Now, here's where the real trouble started. Apparently, whoever was in charge of monitoring the alarms (and whatever else) for the CJC noted that the sprinkler system had deployed.

Did they notify the Fire Department? Nope.

They called a plumber. Seriously.

By the time the sprinklers were shut off, they had been running for a good hour and a half.

As Tropical Storm Allison proved to us all that you can flood out the CJC from the ground floor, the 183rd sprinkler system has now proven to us that the CJC can also be flooded from the top, as well. The sprinkler water ran through the building and stairwells all the way down to the 8th floor of the building.

As a consequence, the jail elevators which are used to bring the prisoners up to the courtroom were closed for service until they could be deemed safe for use again. The only in-custody defendants who were actually brought to court were those in a trial. To say the least, the court dockets were more or less brought to a stand-still.

It was kind of like a Snow Day from when we were in school.

To make matters worse, around 11:30 a.m., one of the Defendants indulged himself to a good old pull on the fire alarm again. Normally, these alarms are widely ignored by anyone who knows the CJC. However, in light of there being an actual fire this morning, the courts were all ordered to evacuate.

It was quite an incredible pain in the butt.

There's never a dull moment at the CJC.

Okay, I Can't Resist Either

Okay, I have to admit that I'm inspired by Leviathan's comments, and an earlier off-blog e-mail from Michael stating (in response to this Chronicle article) that he wasn't aware that Pat Lykos had already taken office.

I've decided to assist the Chronicle and re-write the Rat Snake Article for them. Here we go:

In a predictable move today, local attorney Lloyd Kelley filed suit against the Harris County Sheriff's Office, the District Attorney's Office, the Harris County Sanitation Department, and an unnamed Rat Snake for various and sundry civil rights violations committed against his clients, the Ibarra brothers.

"This snake is very similar to one that Sean and Erik saw in their front yard last Wednesday, when they were busy praying on their lawn for the FLDS kids as well as the victims of the Myanmar earthquake," Kelley stated. "Clearly, the snake is a sophisticated surveillance tool utilized by the Sheriff's Department to spy on my clients, who, by the way, have done nothing but pray since being awarded their $4 million from the county."

Community activist Quannel X was quick to join Kelley's call for justice, criticizing the snake: "As a community, we must demand better of our serpents. To even consider working in conjunction with Sheriff Tommy Thomas makes them no better than a snake in the grass."

Mr. X subsequently demanded that the snake be replaced with a Federal Turtle.

Harris County Criminal Lawyers Association President Mark Bennett hailed the discovery of the Rat Snake as "a strong and positive step towards Anarchy".

Defense Attorney Danalynn Recer, who is representing the unnamed Rat Snake was quick to release a report to the media stating that her client was not, in fact, a snake. Rather, her client was a bunny rabbit who only wanted to snuggle with children until it was discovered by District Attorney personnel. Recer clarified that the Rat Snake only became a snake when it suffered a panic attack after being taken into custody. "It perceived being taken into custody as a threat to it's safety. This snake, uh, rabbit, is clearly legally insane."

When interviewed from a holding cell at the Harris County Jail, the Rat Snake stated that it had not intended to do anything appropriate. It issued the following statement:

"Although I have enjoyed excellent treatment on the banks of Buffalo Bayou, I have come to learn that a particular combination of drugs prescribed for me in the past has caused some impairment in my judgment. Specifically, they made me think that living in closet in the CJC would be preferable to chasing rats on the bayou."

The Rat Snake also stated that he regarded the DELETE key on his computer as prey, which caused him to strike at it repeatedly.

Additional attorneys for the Rat Snake have demanded that it be removed from custody and returned to the CJC closet where it was living.

Democratic candidate for District Attorney, C.O. Bradford stated that the snake was welcome in his administration, but if the snake drew a Batson challenge, the snake would be brought before the Disciplinary Committee.

Republican candidate for District Attorney, Pat Lykos stated that she would support the snake being returned to the closet of the CJC if the snake was willing to follow the Rule of Law.

Yet Another Reason Being a Criminal Lawyer in Texas is Awesome

Where else but Texas, in the midst of everything else, could you get an awesome story like this?

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/5808490.html

Honestly, there are so many lawyer jokes or Rosenthal jokes that can come out of this, that I truly don't know where to begin.