Caturday!

Well! Hasn't this been an exciting week!

• Bishop Willard "Mitt" RomneyCare started the week claiming to have created 100,000 jobs while at vulture corporation Bain Capital, but ended it whimpering something about "6,000 jobs."

• After claiming that Romney won the Iowa state caucus, the GOP had to reverse itself and announce that Santorum actually won (Headline: Santorum easily slides ahead?)

• Jon Huntsman (who? Oh, c'mon! You know! The guy who was polling at 1% or lower but the media still insisted he was in the race, even while refusing to let Buddy Roemer or Gary Johnson speak!) finally took his two million dollars worth of dental work and three hot daughters out of the public eye by announcing that he's dropping out of the race.

  In a slap-in-the-face to all the "liberals" who love him (because the Republicans/conservatives hate his motorcycling ass with a passion), he endorsed Bishop Willard. WTF, Jon? Y U treat us so bad, after telling us that schmuck was unelectable? Did the Temple Leaders threaten to take away your planet, or what?

• Rick Purreh finally took pity on a suffering America and took his moronic undereducated dumber-than-the-last-Texas-hick ass back to N*****head Ranch where I guess he's keeping the local coyotes in fear for their lives and asking God "Why? Why me, Lord?" as he weeps incoherently into his bourbon-and-branch.

  Whom did he endorse? None other than "amoral jewelry-debt piglet"* Newt Gingrich, the man with the plan for trinkets from Tiffany's.

• Meanwhile, the Godbag Faction of the Republican Party met last Sunday to anoint Santorum as their Chosen.

  No, not with santorum, you sick little puppies. In any event, those Fuckus on The Fambly turds, those Christianist Bible-bashers and homo-haters and misogynistic morons of Rightwingnuttia decided that their Not-MittRomney candidate would be Rick Santorum. These assholes were totes backing (P)Rick Perry just last week, so, talk about pivoting on a dime here. Faithless sluts.

• Perennial punching bag and media slut-moron Sarah Palin apparently has lost even more of her brain to whatever deadly disease was making her spew word salad.

  After being informed that Newt's second wife, Marianne Gingrich, would be interviewed by ABC right after the South Carolina Republican debates, Babble Spice snorted that this would help Gingrich soar. Puzzled media bobbleheads have finally figured out that she meant Newt's amoral and perverse sexual shenanigans might have left him a little *sore,* or something. **

• Over in Wisconsin, the Recall Walker campaign announced that it had received more (lotsmore) signatures than the minimum required to achieve their aim. Down, down, down goes Snotty Wanker, erstwhile governor of Wisconsin and rent-boy for the Koch Bros.

So, what's the deal, Republicans? Are y'all just tired of being a party, or what? Because this is some pretty weak fucking sauce, here, jes' sayin. I know we here at La Casa de Los Gatos have been saying for a while that President O could just cold phone it in, but, man? Do y'all have to make it so EASY for him? Y'all spent six years telling us he was a weak-ass n*****, a compromiser who caved on everything and apologised to everyone and bowed to foreign leaders and was morally weak. Meanwhile, he's been kicking y'alls asses nine ways to Sunday every day of the week.

I have heard Republicans telling me for six years or more about the fight against terrorism and how y'all are going to follow bin Laden to the gates of hell, and y'all know where he is and will take him out but only if we elect you (WTF? Treason much?). So, do we wanna talk about who might actually have taken bin Laden out? Because, you know, I don't remember that Republican President we had before Mr. Obama, you know, the one that NOBODY seems to want to talk about, I mean, they're *still* talking about Clinton and Carter, but you know, that guy, seems like everyone's done gone and forgotten about him, when he said he didn't care about bin Laden any more, and he disbanded the task force that was supposed to be looking for bin Laden, I don't recall ONE SINGLE Republican saying anything then. Not one word about following him to hell, or they will pay, or none of that shit. No, sir. None a that shit. And now Mr. Obama, he took out that Mr. bin Laden, and he took out that Mr. al-Zawahiri and he took out a whole bunch of these here, what the Republicans was calling "terrorists," round about ten years ago. He took them all out. And what do you suppose our fine Republican friends did about that? Did they say "Thank you, Mr. Obama"? Did they say "Thank you Mr. President, for keeping our country safe"? No, sirree, they did not. They said he illegally invaded a sovereign nation. These people, who had no problem with the US invading the sovereign nation of Iraq, which was NOT involved in any attacks against us, got all upset because Mr. Obama had to send a surgical strike team to take out the man who masterminded the most recent attack on American soil, who was being sheltered on Pakistani territory, by our "allies." Imagine that. Did you think you'd live to see the day when a bunch of "America, right or wrong! America, love it or leave it!" assholes would be more upset about the rights of those who shelter our enemies than about our right to pursue those enemies who kill our citizens?

And when he's not the Caveman-in-chief, he's supposed to be some kind of Superman who is singlehandedly preventing yon teabaggers from getting anything done while shoving unpopular measures down the collective throat of the American people. He's a Marxist, a Stalinist, a Fascist, and an Islamist, he controls the courts (which, nevertheless, stubbornly refuse to rule in his favour on certain issues, why, no one can say). He's using mind control techniques to hypnotize the weak willed sheep who are cowed by his bullish tactics even as they are seduced by the pork he proffers. Geez, no wonder we're obese. Half our metaphors are about spectator sports and the other half about food. Oh, NOEZ!! He's forcing states to take care of sick people, disabled people, poor people, babies and children who might be hungry, starving people, old people! How AWFUL!

What the FUCK kind of world are we living in where these nutbags can turn reality into something resembling sausage, i.e., chopped up, mixed up, and stuffed up a pig's anus? Seriously. There is a styful of pigs on the Republican side of this election. Fortunately, it's thinning. Still, the choices fucking suck.

So it's off to Florida for Mittens and Newt and Rick Santorum and Ron Paul, while the rest of America stabs itself in the eye with a fork over and over and over, just to dull the pain.

Happy Caturday, y'all!

* Forever indebted to Kirsten Boyd Johnston of Wonkette for the so-fitting sobriquet of "amoral jewelry-debt piglet" for Newtie.
** Apparently, Bobblehead Barbie was correct, and them South Carolinians just LERVE them some amoral pigfuckery of the adulterous, wife-dumping, intern-humping, vow-breaking Nouveau Papist variety. Newt Gingrich just won South Carolina.

Stumble It!

Attack Of The Killer Slimeballs

It's here at last! The war of the Horrible Wealthy Old White Male Republicans that will culminate in the re-election of Barack H. Obama in about ten months. And firing the opening shots is none other than everybody's favourite lard-assed pasty cannonball, Newton Leroy GinGrinch, aiming to take down Bishop Willard "Magic Underwear Mitt" Romney.

Check it out. Very nicely done, no?

Whaddya think? Can Mittens survive this? And the Bain Capital attacks?

Stumble It!

Fuck you very much, Republicans

I don't know if anyone else is paying attention to Herb Cain's harassapalooza, but srsly. This has to be THE fucking awfulest Republican presidential candidate lineup EVAH. First he claims it's all a bunch of lies, then he claimed he remembered exactly what happened and it was a whole lotta nothing, and now three OTHER women have come out to say he harassed them TOO. And his wife is still the Invisible Woman (has anyone seen Mrs. Herman Cain? IS there a Mrs. Herman Cain?).

Meanwhile, Rick DinglePerry's on some kinda good drugs, and I mean GOOD drugs, that motherfucker wants to lerve on New Hampshire so bad he can hardly even stand up anymore. I'll post that viral video in a day or so. Why the fuck not? It sure as hell makes me want to gag something horrible. Might's well share the pain. Y'all enjoy this heah now. And just remember, it COULD be worse. You could already be having to call one of these dumb motherfuckers "Mister President." Dear god, please, no.

Sing along with me, children!

Stumble It!

Cain: He's Not Able

Another day, another disaster for the Republican KKKlown KKKar KKKandidates.

Srsly, how embarrassing is this, anyway? Looks like Herman Cain is down for the count and sinking. First, the candidate was forced to acknowledge that he had only $13.00 in his "Hermanator" PAC.

Then, he reported his fundraising hauls for the current quarter: $2.5 million. Which sounds really impressive, until you realize that that is the smallest amount ANY of the candidates has raised this quarter, and about half of what Timmy "FeeFee" Teapawz raised. Pawlenty raked in the smallest amount of the other WHITE candidates, and Cain raked in about half that amount. Pretty sad, ain't it?

The teabaggers talk about how Herman Cain *proves* they're not racist (Why? Because he's a self-hating black man who's willing to give cover to white people attacking our President?), yet they won't give him their money.

You know, just like when they made Michael Steele chair of the RNC, but immediately took away his ability to disburse money. They're not going to trust no black folks with money! Come ON, Herman! Where have you been for the last 60 years, Uncle?

Well, the news just gets worse for poor ol' Uncle Herman. Here we all were enjoying our nice, long, warm, summery Fourth of July weekend, and what was the Hermanator's organization doing? Pooping all over him in Iowa, that's what. Yup. His Iowa people just up and quit on him, en masse.

Hermie's trying to put a good face on it, his current spokesweasel claims they've already got replacements lined up for all the rats wut done jumped his sinking ship. But srsly, how lame is it that your entire campaign staff ups and quits? And, worse yet, accusing each other of homosexual affairs? What is this, high school?

But srsly. I don't think Uncle Herman will be with us much longer.

Oh, yeah, and some of that money he "raised" was his own. The old man actually broke down and put some of his own Hermanbux into the race. What a fool. He's actually paying for the privilege of hanging out with a bunch of rich old white guys who would be yelling at him to fetch their drinks if he was even allowed in their fucking country club.

Bye, Hermie. Wish I could say it's been nice, but I'm kinda sick and tired of us Brownz siding with the majority against our own and doing the dirty work of trying to take down one of the best Presidents this nation has ever had — for them.

Stumble It!

The Michele BatShitKrayZMann History Channel

OK, disclaimer: this is probably the first time I've ever seen Conan O'Brien. I had no idea who he was till today.

I think I like this guy. He is Teh Funnay.



Enjoy!

Stumble It!

Mission Accomplished!

We know y'all heard the news last night. Our President announced on the national media that bin Laden had been "taken out" in a surgical strike designed to inflict minimum "collateral damage."

Al Jazeera has the photos if you can stand to see 'em. Bit, uh, strong, so be warned. There was a lot of spontaneous cheering and people waving flags and what-all. Folks gathered around the White House, singing the National Anthem. Firefighters of the NYFD celebrating in Times Square. Cadets at West Point raising such a ruckus, the sleeping inhabitants of nearby areas came awake.

And of course, the media today is full of it. And we mean that in the politest way. No, of course we don't. But we're calling a moratorium on the insults for the nonce. Might as well just sit back and admit that, since the attack on the Twin Towers, we here at La Casa de Los Gatos have been twitchy and oppressed, even if we didn't know it.

The first reaction at the ol' Cathouse was shock. The second was a tremendous sense of relief, as if an invisible hand around one's neck had finally loosed its grip. The third was exultation. But that only lasted a short while. It is unseemly to celebrate death, no matter whose. We are grateful the symbolic scourge is gone, but the sight of people singing and celebrating, regardless of whether they are mujahideen or American civilians, is a little ... unsettling. But we're not going to rain on anyone else's parade. Y'all do what it takes, friends. Just remember to say "Thank you, Mr. President!" over at whitehouse.gov.

And now, for a little light relief. Here's George Dubya Bush's reaction when HE got the news:



Yeeeeeee-HAW!

Stumble It!

Sing Along With Me, Children

Sweet mother of GAWD, the Republican lineup for the 2012 elections is getting worse by the minute. I'm afraid to laugh as hard as I want to in case I piss myself.

Then along came Ms. Mollybean1 and posted SadnMad's delightful little ditty that sums the motherfuckers up pretty accurately, don'tyathink?



I mean, Christ, look at this pack of dimbulb stooges! The President can just phone it in at this rate, yes?

Stumble It!

Didn't I Tell You Guys

Like, a fucking year ago?

President Barack Hussein Obama proves prescient once again in a speech to Republicans a year ago:



The man thinks ahead. He looks ahead. He's not perfect by a long shot, and he's not my ideal candidate by a long shot. But he is, hands down, the most pragmatic President ever. His rhetoric is not overblown but precise, surgically precise.

I wonder if John Boehner is weeping into his whisky watching this, right now.

Details here.

Stumble It!

Happy Holi!

To all our Indian readers. The whole two of you. Srsly.

Sarah Palin goes to India, falls flat on ass. Listen and weep. Thank god this dimbo is not VP today.



More amusement here.

Stumble It!

Congratulations Are In Order!

It's the morning after the night before, and what a night it was! First off the bat, congratulations, California! It looks like the voters of the Great Golden State proved themselves, once again, to be the forward-looking independent-minded, trend-bucking bunch of eccentrics they've always prided themselves on being. Result: Governor Jerry Brown, Senator Barbara Boxer, Congressmembers Nancy Pelosi, Fortney "Pete" Stark, Henry Waxman, Lynn Woolsey, and a slew of other progressive Democrats. Neutral about Kamala Harris, but it looks as if she might have won her race, too. Thank you for keeping the Great State of California a deep and enduring blue. All over CA, Democrats have won their races by 60-80%.

Congratulations are also due to the Great State of Colorado! Despite forebodings and prognostications of doom, CO now has a Democratic Governor, John Hickenlooper, who ran on NOT attacking the other candidates. Yay, Hickenlooper. Hickenlooper's win means that disgusting maggot, Tom Tancredo, will have to find some other body politic to devour. CO has also returned Senator Michael Bennett to his Legislative seat. Good riddance to Ken Buck, the man who won't admit to wearing high heels. Finally, thanks to Dan Maes' dismal showing at the polls (<10% support), the Republican party is now an official minority party in CO. Thank you Dan, and thanks to all your teabagging supporters. Suck that Koch.

Congratulations to the State of Rhode Island, where former Republican-turned-independent and always-sensible moderate Lincoln Chaffee won the Governor's mansion with the help of Democrats, who turned the whole state blue. Democrats won all their statewide races. GO, RI! And as for Frank Caprio, dude, this is why you DO NOT fucking diss the fucking President of the fucking United fucking States, OK? He's the Prez. You might not like him, but he has a huge and loyal following. President Obama, despite the terrible shape of this country when he took over, still has higher ratings than most other Presidents at his stage of holding office. When you diss him, you  piss off a lot of Democrats who might otherwise have thought of voting for you. I hope you've learned your lesson., you little fucker. Now go hold your tongue and try to make yourself useful.

Congratulations to the blue, blue State of Massachusetts! Deval Patrick keeps the Governor's mansion, and Barney Frank goes back to the Senate! And better yet, Democrats won EVERY SINGLE RACE in MA.

Congratulations to the State of New Hampshire for retaining your Democratic governor, John Lynch. Despite the efforts of homophobes to unseat him because he supports LGBTQ rights, Lynch beat out the Republican handily and goes on to serve his fourth term. Some anti-incumbent mood.

Congratulations to the State of Maryland for returning feminist icon Barbara Mikulski to the Senate. The Senate sure could use a few more like her, and a lot less like, gee, Cornyn? Coburn? Brownback?

Congratulations to the State of Connecticut for rejecting Linda McMahon and supporting Richard Blumenthal instead. Blumenthal's clearly the better candidate, and your voters proved that they knew it.

Congratulations to Delaware for sending the would-be witch and perennial Senate Candidate, Christine O'Donnell, back to her battery-toy collection. DE went with Chris Coons, who knows the First Amendment by heart. Yay, DE!

Congratulations to the Great State of New York for choosing Andrew Cuomo instead of krayZloony Carl Paladino, who brought his baseball bat to his concession speech. The guy is nuttier than a fruitcake, and I'm glad he's history. Also, Schumer. I'm not wild about him, but his constituents seem to be, so good work, NY, for sending him back to the Senate. Pity y'all allowed five districts to slip into Repub hands, but Gillibrand won her race, so overall, y'all done good.

Congratulations to the beautiful State of Hawai'i for making Neil Abercrombie your new Governor! Duke Aiona was a dangerous loon. Abercrombie was by far the better choice. Thanks to y'all, Democrat Brian Schatz takes the Lt.-Gov's seat. Democrats hold both the State House and Senate, so y'all are on the right road! Daniel Inouye returns to the Federal Senate. Colleen Hanabusa beat Charles Djou. And Mazie Hirono returns to her job with a solid win. 

Congratulations to the Silver State for handing Sauron Angle a 7-8 point defeat in her widely acclaimed teabagger race for the Senate. The Koch brothers and Dick Armey spent millions there, only to lose. Happy Day. NV is no more for sale than CA or CO.

Congratulations to the Grand Canyon State for returning Progressive Rep Raul Grijalva to the House, despite last-minute attacks on him and his office. Congratulations for returning Democrats Ed Pastor and Gabrielle Gifford, also. Unfortunately, y'all have to live with the twin embarrasments of Dan "Potatoe-Head" Quayle and Jeff "There's A Good Reason For My Last Name" Flake. Also, Brewer? Srsly?

The Republicans are spinning like tops to claim that this was a landslide for their end of the political spectrum. We here at La Casa de Los Gatos are just really glad that the worst of the teabagger candidates went down faster than a manwhore. Palin endorsee and campaign slimebag Joe Miller? Looks like he's going down. Sauron "Church Lady" Angle? Gone, gone, gone. Cara Carleton Sneed Fiorina? History. Chuck deVore, are you happy now? PayLin endorsed her instead of you. It was the kiss of death.

Meg "Watch Me Spend My Billionz" Whitman? Gone. Christine "Masturbation is For Me, Not Thee" O'Donnell? Gone straight to jail, did not pass Go, did not collect those $200M dollars she needs to pay off all her bad debt, rehabilitate her candidacy, and try for political life ever again. Ken "Vote For Me, I Don't Wear Heels" Buck? A bad memory. Dan "Bicycles Are A UN Plot" Maes? To be remembered forever as the man who single-handedly took the Republican party to minority status in CO.

The teabagger candidates who won — Marco Rubio, Nikki Haley, and Rand Paul — represent a mere fraction of the total. But Rand will be a thorn in Mitch McConnell's side, which makes us kinda happy. Prediction? More political grandstanding, posturing, and fractures ahead. The Blue states seem to have become bluer, and the Red states seem divided between radicaloony teabaggers and moderate conservatives who find them unacceptable, with Democrats and Progressives tucked away in various corners, working hard to turn their Red states Blue. Despite teabagger challenges to most Republican candidates, most of them survived intact (Sam Brownback won handily in KS, Roy Blunt Trauma in MS, and Governor Goodhair in TX).

What's interesting is what happened to Blue Running Dog democrats, like Stephanie Herseth-Sandlin and Blanche Lincoln. 23 out of 54 Blue Dogs lost their seats. And their support of, (or opposition to) universal health care had nothing to do with it. If anything, we can expect more progressive Democrats in the House.

So, overall, as to be expected in a mid-term election year, the party in control lost seats. It's not a stinging defeat, it just shows that more work needs to be done. Today we celebrate. Tomorrow, we're back at work.

Stumble It!

Arizona Gets Teh Big Ugly

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona

 

 

 

 

 

It would appear the "illegal alien" hysteria that Republicans whipped up to scare all them scary brown people away from the polls is having dubious effects, at best. Raw Story tells us that the State of Arizona has already incurred costs of close to half a million dollars defending the deeply flawed legislation that is at the heart of this battle, SB 1070. 

Apparently, one of the effects has been to reveal Arizona Governor Jan Brewer's true nature. We don't often pick on people for their looks here at La Casa de Los Gatos. We much prefer picking on their character flaws. But every now and then one comes along that just leaves us flapdoodled.

I mean, lookit, this lady has money. She's not some poor slob who works two jobs fourteen hours a day to put food on the table. And she obviously spends a good bit of that money on her appearance. I mean, the dye job alone is keeping a good part of the chemical and fashion industries employed, heah!

So, what, Jan, did the plastic surgeon want to charge by the yard to get rid of those dreadful frown lines? Perhaps if you worked on your inside a bit, you know, took time to see the good and beautiful around you, those dreadful lines would fade. After all, wrinkles should, you know, convey character. And yours are not conveying anything nice about you at all.

She's not a nice person, Jan Brewer. She lies about all kinds of stuff, and most of what comes out of her mouth is hateful and false.

Looks like it's catching up with her, though. She's off her game, and as the cost of defending this ridiculous piece of legislation goes up, up, up, she's stumbling and stammering and falling apart. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person.

Stumble It!

Republican Scandal Of The Week

ICHC Very Demotivational

I'm actually wondering if I should change that head to read "Republican Scandal of the Day." Because, yaknow, there's just no keeping up with those motherfuckers.

Every time you turn around, there's yet another one in the paper, on your TV, at some Web site, saying or doing something totally unacceptable or getting busted for not keeping their pants on.

I sure do miss the days when the Democrats had all the sex scandals and the Republicans stuck to what they do best — robbing the people blind.

CA State Senator Roy Ashburn

Forgive me for not covering all the other scandals — Rand-Away Paul's reprehensible comments on the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the right of private property owners (even those who do business with the public) to discriminate; Roy Ashburn's sudden 180 on LGBTQ rights after he got busted driving drunk with a young man in his car, having just left a GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY bar; Professor George Rekers, married (can you say "beard," children? I knew you could) co-founder (with James Dobson) of homophobic organizations Family Research Council and NARTH (one o'dem "cure teh ghey" groups) and his rent boy (who gives ass-levitating massages, I hear); et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. Because, frankly, I'd be here all day with stubby bloody little finger-stumps if I tried.

Meet Nimrata Randhawa Haley. Nimrata seems to be suffering the same Westernizification disease that has afflicted Louisiana governor Piyush Jindal. Just as Piyush became "Bobby," so Nimrata has become "Nikki" in her attempt to please the Betty Browns of this world.

Nimrata "Nikki" Randhawa Haley

In case you didn't know who Betty Brown is and don't want to clicky teh linky, Ms. Brown is the Texas State legislator who asked Americans of Asian descent to change their names to names that are "easier for Americans to deal with." Thereby implying, of course, that such Americans are not, you know, real Americans. Well, she won't have to worry about Nimrata and Piyush. Any American, even an Asian-American, can say "Nikki" and "Bobby."

Nikki Haley is a South Carolina representative in Washington, D.C. Apparently, a former colleague of Nikki's, one Will Folks, claims they've been boffing. They met when they both worked for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (yeah, the guy who was "hiking the Appalachian Trail" on Nude Hiking Day, when he was supposed to be in the office, or at least reachable by his staff, not to mention his wealthy wife who bought him the job).

At the time, Folks was one of Sanford's top spokesweasels. It's not clear exactly what Haley was other than a hot mama with a nice booty. However, Folks apparently is leaking the nasty details of their affair in a slow drip to the South Carolina press. None of it has convincing probative value, but a lot of it is pretty damn suspicious. For one thing, Mr. Folks apparently worked for Ms. Haley's campaign at one time. During which period, some 700 telephone calls were made, mostly by Ms. Haley to Mr. Folks, many of them late at night, and some of them lasting several hours.

Ms. Haley defends herself with the claim that she works hard and works her staff hard as well. (Perhaps she should have avoided the word "staff.") That's all well and good, Nikki, but if my spouse got on the phone at 11 pm and stayed on for three fucking hours, I would not be a happy camper at all. It would take some smooth smooth talking and lots of excellent sex to quiet my suspicions, if you know what I mean. And she was calling him at 2 am and talking till 5 am. OK, so, what's the story here, Nikki? I work hard too, but I would never call a colleague at 2 am. I would assume that they were sleeping the sleep of the righteous and just.

We've all pulled all-nighters, sometimes several days or weekends in a row. Would you feel it was cool to call a colleague who was not also pulling an all-nighter, after 10 pm? I sure wouldn't. Hell, I've been chewed out for calling people after 8 pm, especially if they have young children.

And three hours? Seriously, girl-child, if it takes you three hours to discuss your bidness, you in the wrong line of work.

The most interesting thing about this very strange and creepy story is, Ms. Haley has yet to deny it. She's said things along the lines of she doesn't want to give any weight to this story and it's not worth her time and energy and yadadadayada. But she hasn't actually denied that she had an affair with the guy. The furthest she has gone is to say:

"I have been 100% faithful to my husband throughout our 13 years of marriage," Haley said in a statement. "This claim against me is categorically and totally false."

See, now, it would have been so easy for Ms. Haley to say, "I never had an affair with Will Folks."

But that's not what she said. And we hairsplitters know there's a difference between lying outright and lying by implication.

More to the point, Ms. Haley said she "barely knew" Will Folks. That's quite possible, of course, we don't all know every single one of our former colleagues or employees well. But if you make 700 phone calls to someone, some of them lasting two or three hours, it gets kinda hard to argue that you don't know them well. People I don't know well might get one telephone call a year from me. On the other hand people I'm screwing like a bunny, yeah, I'm so there with the three-hour phone calls (much as I hate using the phone) and the everyday emails and shit.

Oh, and Nikki Haley has the endorsement of Scary Failin', aka Babble Spice. Who was rumoured to be screwing her husband's business partner some time ago, although the guy sealed his court records so none of us will find the hard evidence. Birds of a feather, and all that.

OTOH, you know, given that soon-to-be ex-Governor Sanford was making the beast with two backs (or whatever else he was doing) with Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentinian beauty for whom he dumped his wealthy wife Jenny, just recently; Lt. Governor Andre Bauer (also running for the same post) recently informed a shocked nation that giving welfare to poor people just encourages them to breed like stray animals; Third-string Repugly candidate Gresham Barret, polling at a whole 16% has won the endorsement of Darth Cheney himself (that should be teh kiss of death right there) — nah, we still hope she loses to the Democrat.

Satan always asks, "WWCD?"

Now, normally, we at this fine blog could give a fuck who's fucking who, you know? The more people fuck the less likely they are to be beating the crap outa each other, right? OTOH, the Scary Failin' ranks of Fambly Valyooz hypocrites really, really get our fucking goat. We'd like to see them all pilloried in public, pelted with rotten fruit and past-use-by-date eggs. They fucking suck because they want everyone but their sick sad selves to abide by rules that they themselves can't live by.

So, Nikki, here's a little song for you from the South Carolina electorate — Why don't we get drunk and screw:

Stumble It!

Any Sane Republicans Left?

I know I've asked this before, but the latest wave of Republican KrayZ has me mind boggling aboot like a boggle in a bog. And I mean bog in the worst way.

No, srsly. Lookit dis one:

Chicken Sue

This here crazy-eyed person is the latest in the Republican Trifecta of KrayZ Wimmen Running 4 Ofc. (The other two being Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann.) Now, don't go thinking that we at this fine blog gratuitously insult people at random. While it's true that we insult people as often as we can in as vituperative a manner as we can manage, it's never gratuitous. And none has worked harder to earn our coming vituperation and open mockery as Chicken Sue Lowden.

See, Susie here is running against Harry Reid of Nevada. I'm not wild about Harry Reid. But he seems to be a hardworking soul, if somewhat timid and obsessed with procedural detail. Still, he does get things done, and he does seem to have some basic common sense and decency. Also, and this is important in this era of the Holy Trinity (Palin, Bachmann, and Lowden), he is not crazy.

Susie, on the other hand, well, now, let's just say she might someday give Michelle B a run for her money in the "aliens have eaten my brain" category of KrayZ. See, Susie wants to repeal the recently passed health care reform — that part's OK, all the Republicans are yowling about repealing health care reform — and she proposes that we replace our current vastly inadequate system of payments for health care with individual barter. For example, says Sue, you could pay your doctor with chickens.

I'm trying to envision what the fuck my surgeon would have done with all the chickens he would've had to charge me for my recent knee replacement. Is this woman serious? Is she for real? How many chickens for the anesthetist? The attending nurses? The surgical team? Surely we'd need someone to manage the paperwork. And what about chicken transport? Sanitation laws?

Waitafuckinminnit, she's got ME doing it. Goddammit. The danger of actually trying to understand the KrayZ of KrayZ people is, you could go KrayZ too.

So. Some kind souls have created a site that allows you to specify how many chickens, or whatever, you can barter for treatment of your ailments. You can send your letter to Sue Lowden and she can help you find someone who will treat you for the specified number of bib jeans. Or whatever.

Bib jeans are very in these days, I hear. Tres chic. All the rage. Good luck.

OK, the KrayZ keeps snowballing. Some Republican dipwad from TN now wants to ensure vegan and vegetarian doctors will be permitted in this barter system. How many parsnips for a hangnail? What if your doctor wants mangoes from Fortnum & Mason?

Where the fuck do they find these dim bulbs, anyway?

Stumble It!

Entertainment: It's Satire, Honest!

Which makes it all right. Babble Spice says so, and who are we to argue?

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Sarah Palin Uses a Hand-O-Prompter
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Economy

Oh, Stephen, you fucking kill me, guy.

Stumble It!

Health Care: What YOU Can Do

ICHC FTW!

Fight the good fight. That's right. The fight is on, people. The President gave Congress plenty of time to write a decent bill. He even gave them guidelines for what he would accept.

They've been fucking around for too long. Bernie Sanders put forth a good bill, but will it get considered when House and Senate attempt reconciliation to create the final bill? Meanwhile, Max "Blue Running Dog" Baucus of the Senate Finance Committee has put forth a "bill" written by — not Maxie himself, but by one Liz Fowler, former VP for Public Policy and External Affairs at WellPoint, a health insurance company which is the largest member of Blue Cross and Blue Shield. WellPoint has aggressively lobbied against health reform, especially a public option. WellPoint has also recently come under fire for pressuring its employees to lobby against health care reform, claiming reform would cause “…tens of millions of Americans to lose their private coverage and end up in a government-run plan.”

Well, here's what Matt Taibbi has to say about this whole health care reform scam. While La Casa de Los Gatos doesn't always agree with Taibbi, we think he's brilliant and his take on these events is a point of view well worth reading.

For those of a more religious bent, or surrounded by those of a more religious bent, with whom you're trying to argue yet, here are some excellent points from a Christian blogger who advances an irrefutable argument.

Although we've always held that religion makes you crayzee, this lady is a clear exception to the rule. It's possible to be religious without losing your critical faculties, reasoning powers, logic, and rational thought. Thank you, Lisa!

In the meantime, please note that the yammerati on TV and in the press are yawping on endlessly about The Lewin Group's studies that show bla de bla bla bla. Well, folks, the Lewin Group are a fucking bunch of shills. They're nothing but a subsidiary of health insurance giant UnitedHealth. How convenient, eh? They do the "research" and feed it to Congress and the people, and nobody bothers to disclose the fact that they're actually part of one of the groups that stands to profit from failure to reform the broken healthcare system. Next time you hear someone yawping "But the Lewin Group says ...," please interrupt them with, "But the Lewin Group is a subsidiary of UnitedHealth." Or whatever you feel is appropriately scathing in the circumstances.

We don't even need to discuss the Baucus bill, or, more correctly, the WellPoint bill. It's bad, it's wrong, it's going to cost taxpayers more for less and penalize people who want health care and small business while giving billions of our money away to corporate greedbags. Firedoglake has all the dirt and details. The MSM, or corporate media, if you prefer, is giving Ms. Fowler a virtual tongue-bath for her "dedication to health care reform," without hardly mentioning her years spent raking in the bucks as a corporate VP for one of the worst greedbags in the health "insurance" business. Fuck 'em.

Here is a scorecard, created by HealthCareNow, which rates single-payer versus public option. We want single payer, we need single payer. Baucus/Fowler's bill won't even give us public option. Instead, it will force us to buy expensive insurance, with a penalty of nearly $4,000 for those who don't/won't/can't afford it. Businesses who refuse to buy health insurance coverage for their employees will get fined a whole whopping $400. Which of these entities can better afford the larger sum, a business, or an individual?

So we need to tell Baucus to roll up his bill and stick it where the sun don't shine. He's getting public health care, why won't he share it with us? Notice that neither he nor Fowler are rushing to get off their publicly-funded health care and rush to the loving arms of WellPoint? Baucus has taken nearly $4 million from the health care industry. Gee, where do you suppose his loyalties lie?

Over at HuffPo where the debate is raging strong, I found several comments that inspired me. I'd like to share them with you:

Commenter CtTransplant:

Never ever ever give up!!! Folks, do not forget the marches on September 13th!!!
If not now, when? If not us, who?

Kennedy was one of our greatest champions of health care reform. He carried the torch for a long time...and now it is up to us to continue to carry it!

Our elected officials in Congress receive health care mostly paid for by us tax payers, yet many are trying to make it impossible for us to purchase an affordable plan of our own :

While many of us are struggling to afford medical insurance/medical bills.
While Congress people try to stop healthcare reform.
While Congress people accept large contributions from lobbyists to prevent health care reform.

Please sign these petitions - and by all means, spread the word! Thank you!

http://www.petitiononline.com/PubOp676/petition.html
http://www.democrats.com/honor-ted-kennedy?cid=ZGVtczQ0MTA5OGRlbXM=
http://salsa.wiredforchange.com/o/5649/t/4922/content.jsp?content_KEY=2763&tag=hk1_typ-e1

Absolutely. Sign the damn petitions. Maybe it won't mean doodly-squat. And maybe it will. If enough voices shout out loud, our cowardly pathetic weaseling politicians will no longer be able to say, "We didn't know you felt that way." Maybe the bastards will at least be forced to buy a little lube for the next public screwing they have planned.

Commenter IzzyCA:

We are organizing marches and rallies all over the country to support health care reform and the public option on Sunday, September 13.

Want to join our marches/rallies?
Facebook: March for Healthcare group:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=118144661546#/group.php?gid=118144661546
Wiki: http://healthcaremarch.pbworks.com/FrontPage#view=page
Website: http://www.march4healthcare.com/

That's SUNDAY, people. It's a day off from work. Take that day to go out onto the streets and show our politicians that we're not fooled by their dodging and ducking. The media has been slow to cover the REAL news. They like to take videos and photos of angry screaming loons at town halls because that sells airtime, or column inches.

Well, fuck that shit. If enough bodies turn out on the streets, some senior editor is going to say, "For fuck's sake go out there and find out why the cops are out and traffic is blocked and bring me back a goddamned story and some damn good pitchers or your ass is grass."

So, c'mon, y'awl. That's something you can do WITH your kids, for free. Take them out to a health care rally. That way, if we lose this fucking fight, you can at least say, hey kids, remember when? I did my bit. But we won't lose, if enough of us fight back.

For those going to DC, details are here.

The bill in the house that contains the provisions we want and need is Conyers' HR-676. In the Senate, it's Bernie Sanders S.703. In the event, it sure as hell is not going to be the Baucus/Fowler bill. DO NOT WANT!



To find out where the closest health care rally is, go here. Create an account, or if you already have one, log in. Scroll down the right side of the page and click Find an Event, and you'll be directed to an event being held closest to the zip code that you entered when you created your account.

And remember, if health care is not reformed and soon, it's going to end up breaking the slowly-recovering economy. We pay more than double what our Canadian neighbours do, for less health care. If people tell you, "Well, Canadians come here for their health care all the time," point out to them that the number of Canadians who come here for their health care is way way less than even one per cent of their population; most Canadians are very happy with their health care; and lots of Americans go over there for health care, too.

Stumble It!

Politics: Sarah Palin

Image from ClarkBlog

is stepping down as the Governor of Alaska.

I know what you're thinking, cos that's what I'm thinking: WTF has she done now? Is National Enquirer about to reveal the facts of the sleazy affair she had with her husband's business partner? Or is Mark Sanford about to reveal that she was one of the women that he "crossed the line" with? Or is an indictment coming down?

Who knows? All I can say is, Whoo-hoo! Now, if she'd only resign from teh Hoomin Race, with which she has, really, nothing in common.

Stumble It!

Politics: Mark Sanford

Oh, boo-hoo. Some pinhead opinionifying over at CNN is drilling in the Deep Well of Gall to tell us all we should not be getting outraged over Sanford's shenanigans. FTA:

We need to understand this situation for what it is: human weakness, poor judgment, personal longing and complicated relationships. The question is, how are we -- each one of us personally -- going to respond? I'd like to make a suggestion:

We should empathize.

I'd like to make a suggestion, too, dumbkopf — pull your cranium out of your rectum. Whatever happened between Sanford and his wife is their fucking problem (literally as well as figuratively). And while we enjoy bwa-ha-haaing at those holier-than-thou hypocrites who preach "fambly valyooos" out of one side of their ass while pillorying anyone who looks like they might have snuck a little sideline of horizontal samba, we empathize with ridiculous modern-day notions of marriage as being between one guy and one gal but not for teh ghey. (I can't imagine any gay person doing more damage to teh "sanctity" of marriage than, oh, Britney Spears, Mark Sanford, and all you other Christo-fascist yobs.)

The *real* issue for us here at La Casa de Los Gatos is, this dumb motherfucker took off work without making any arrangements for anyone else to take up his duties; and flew off to boink his girlfriend after LYING to everybody and their fucking sister-in-law about where he was going. He didn't call in, he didn't check that the whole fucking state hadn't been blown off the map during his absence, he didn't show ANY responsibility whatsoever.

When I accepted the last paid job I had, I had to sign a contract that said that if I missed work for more than THREE DAYS without notifying the office of my absence and giving them a way to contact me, I would be FIRED. And I was not some high-ranking corporate BigDick. Or some governor of a state, responsible for the lives, safety, and well-being of hundreds of thousands of other human beings. Just a lowly corporate worm. But them wuz teh breaks. We had that drilled into our heads by HR. If you want to take time off, fill out a form at least two weeks before you leave, explaining that you will be out of the office, the purpose of your absence (you could just put "vacation time," or "bereavement leave," or whatever, but that form had to be filled in), date of return to work, emergency contact number, approval of your immediate manager and approval of your manager's manager.

If you got hit by a car and were not dead, then you had to instruct your next-of-kin to call the fucking office, for crying out loud, and tell them that you were dying at such-and-such hospital and would return to work (or not) by such a date. So where does this motherfucking yobbo get off, just disappearing into the wild blue yonder? I'm supposed to empathize with this shit? I THINK NOT, mofo. Fuck that! What's so special about Sanford's Holy Taint? What, the rules don't apply to him?

To add insult to injury, the motherfucker paid for his boinking trip with taxpayer money. The state of South Carolina is in the shitpit for money, the unemployment rate is high and climbing, the governor stamps his little feet and whines about not wanting to take Federal money for unemployment so working people who've been laid off can put food on the fucking table for themselves and their kids, and he's got the unmitigated gall to take THEIR money to pay for his horizontal samba? And lie about it? Stealing, lying, cheating, irresponsibility ... this is what I'm supposed to empathize with? I'm supposed to happily susidize Sanford's knob-polishing ventures while surviving on cereal and water?

What planet are these dumb asses from?

And it's not like the guy has shown any shame and remorse for his utterly shameful acts. Today he's whooping on about how, like King David in the bibul, he is NOT, NOT, NOT going to resign. Hey, fuckface — you're not a king. You were *elected* governor. David couldn't be impeached. You can. And I sincerely hope you are. What's more, I hope your wife kicks you out on your ass, and your Argentinian bombshell takes up with someone younger, cuter, and hotter than you. Because you did her a big disservice too, you hypocritical bag o'dicks, outing the whole affair and crying in public about how you done your wife wrong.

Your wife is mega-rich, she'll soon get over your wack crap. And the Argentinian babe is muy hot, so I'm sure there's no shortage of guys lining up waiting for a smile from her. You're the asshole here, not either of the two ladies involved. You hit on another woman after years of mush-mouthing your "Praise Jeebus I R a Xtian man and the Lord totally blesses my schlong" crap. You had the balls to ask your wife's permission to go visit your mistress. Instead of manning up to your responsibility as the father of four young boys and the "Law(d)fully wedded husband" of your wife, who has worked hard to promote your career for close to two decades, you miserable bastard.

You need a come-uppance, man, because you're too fucking arrogant by half. King David, my ass. ESAD, you slavering fuckwit.

Stumble It!

Politics: You Owe It To Yourselves

to read what my good friend Chuck Butcher has to say about Senator Jim Webb and the criminal justice system.

I'm really thrilled to see that Senator Webb is living up to the high hopes I had for him. I was convinced there was gold in there in that complex, shy, stubborn, and solid man, and he's proving that he's more interested in the wellbeing of this nation than his own political future. McCain could learn a lot about "country first" by watching Senator Webb.

Stumble It!

Politics: It's OK If You're A Republican

Eric Cantor, fucking Rethuglican of fucking Virginia would fucking like you to fucking know that he don't take no shit from no fucking unions:



Of course, he has no trouble making videos like this laced with profanity and sending them to union workers, asshole, 'cause you fucking unions are really giving him a fucking pain in the ass, yaknow?

Yeah, yeah, some stoolie in his office apologized for this shit. It's not everyday they get to make fun of fucking workers, yaknow?

I just hate these people. With a passion. Hey, Cantor? ESAD, man. Or DIAF. It's about the same to me. Oh, and take your idiot minions with you. Bunch'a fuckin' pukes.

Stumble It!

Politics: Telling It Like It Is

A happy confluence that will leave you with plenty to ponder: Bill Moyers talks to Glenn Greenwald and Jay Rosen about the old media and President Obama. Please to listen. Moyers is a true journalist, the likes of whom are long since history. You don't need an introduction to Glenn Greenwald, and if you do, take yourself over to Salon just to read his fine blog. Jay Rosen is a professor of journalism who blogs over at PressThink, and the impetus to the entire citizen-journalist movement that is (please deities it can't come too soon) wiping out the old media as typified by teh money tycoons like Rupert Murdoch (could you lose another $6 billion, please?).

LOLcattitude from ICHC

In other news, Republican Senators continue to chop away at the stimulus bill like the feculent asshats that they are. DailyKos blogger Jed L explains that each such cut lowers the number of jobs the bill can help to create. PLEASE contact these buttsuckers and let them know that you want a job, need a job, need that damn income, and if they don't vote to increase the stimulus spending, they will need to start worrying about a job right soon. Here's a list of what those putrid scumbuckets cut from the bill. You'll notice that it's heavy on health, energy, and environment-related stuff.

This fine blog will draw up a list of the Republican and Democratic senators running for re-election in 2010, together with information on how they voted on the issues close to our hearts. We'll let you know when that's ready. We have to combat this kind of attitude in Washington. They're happy to give our dollars to anyone who will blow them, but when we need health care, food, jobs, they give us the finger. Let's see about that.

For those of us who think what the President of the United States does don't matter globally, here's a fine refutation of that common (lack of) wisdom. What each of us does in our lives influences all others with whom we come in contact. The higher up the ladder we rank, the more people fall under our influence. Thus, while Bush was president, we had almost daily reports of police misconduct, and other countries felt free to pass draconian laws that affected their own people as much as anyone else. Now that Obama is President, we find police refusing to kick people out of their foreclosed homes, while leaders of other countries begin to follow our fine President's fine example and claw back bonuses and emoluments for the scumbag bankers who fucked up the world economy.


Finally, the Iranian PressTV is claiming that Netanyahu, should he win the Israeli elections, will "push Obama on Iran," and will be able to coax the US into either declaring war on Iran or underwriting a war on Iran. Well, Iranian press channels are doubtless biased, but we all know that Israel has been pushing throughout the entire Bush regime for war on Iran. The only remaining question has long been "When?" It's important that we not lose sight of our immediate goals of ending US military involvement abroad and taking care of our own economy and our own hungry, jobless, sick, and poor.

This means putting some time and energy into making it clear to Washington that Israel should not be dictating American foreign policy, and that America needs to heal her own wounds before incurring more for the benefit of Israel, which continues to be a drain on our taxpayer dollars to the tune of several billion a year. Basta! Enough of this shit already.

Bonus activism points: If you happen to have a few spare dollars sitting around and are in the mood to do something good somewhere, consider buying a copy of the barefoot doctor's manual, Where There is No Doctor and sending it to a community that needs it. Copies available from hesperian. For more information, contact hesperian on the net, or call them at 510-845-1447.

Stumble It!