.: Untitled :.

Currently listening to Gabrielle - Out Of Reach

Hello world! Yes, I am finally back from the long hiatus.

It's been quite a journey for me this past few months.

Left behind my family, friends, job, home and everything else that I grew up being so familiar with - packed what I could fit into a 30kg luggage and flew across the Indian Ocean (or Pacific Ocean - pardon my lack of knowledge when it comes to geography) out of my comfort zone, to this new place.

Started a new job. Stayed in a new place. Experiencing the new weather, the new culture and everything new. Trying to make new friends, whilst keeping in touch with old friends who are now based here.

It's been quite a journey, and I must admit it wasn't as easy for someone who have never left the comfort of home. 

Currently listening to Eric Clapton - Blue Eyes Blue

Having said that, I have been very blessed to have had some pathways made easy - and for that I am absolutely thankful. I have had secured a job, I had found a good place to rent, have had the support of family based here, have made good new friends, and much more.

I have absolute joy in experiencing fun things to do - the weekly farmers market, the beautiful park nearby my workplace, the lovely beach, and so much more.

Having said that, I very much miss everything and everyone back home, and sometimes I feel sad thinking about the people and things I leave behind, but thankfully it's mitigated by technology! I could skype with grandma and hear her say "chiak pah beh?" which means have I eaten.

Currently listening to Al Green - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart

Today's one of the days where I'm beginning to feel a little down. A mixture of being homesickness - missing the friends and family back home, husband being away, a bad case of gastric, the general melancholy feel (hence the selection of songs that I'm listening to). But I am not going to dwell on that - and share all the ups that I have had last week.

The weekend started well with a dinner date with a ex-highschool mate. We had (or at least I had on my part) so much fun - catching up on anything and everything under the sun.

There was (wait, select another emo song on Youtube)....

Currently playing Faith Hill - Let Me Let Go

... there was this part where we had conversations about getting his parent's PR and one thing led to another, and to cut a really long story short - I said "Perhaps your sister (who is about 18 years old now), will marry someone and gain a PR here."

"No." he said. "She too young, it will take at least another five years or more."

"Who knows?" I said. "She might find her true love soon and the get married."

He gave a bemused smirk. "What? What are you smirking at?" I asked.

Currently playing Mandy Moore - Someday We'll Know

"TRUE LOVE" he said, and started laughing. I joined him laughing, shook my head and asked him since when we have all be so cynical about true love.

There was more to the conversation after that, but I still smile when I replay this conversation in my head. As we get older, do we really become so cynical? Or is it just what it is - that TRUE love is a myth?

If I can just ask God just one question - why aren't  you hear with me?

Sorry, singing to the chorus of the song. Perks of being alone - sing my heart out (without disturbing the neighbors I hope). Gonna replay this song again, I love Mandy's vocals.

I was watching this movie "Kate and Leopold" on Saturday night, and I shared with my crazy bunch of friends on whatsapp this quote from the movie, which also coincidentally related to - LOVE.

Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.

Then one conversation led to another, and then we had this really, really hot, steamy, X-rated conversations. It was so so so dirty that I just had to say this to them

"You guys, as we get older, we get dirtier. One day we'll end up being dirty old woman. Crap, I thought we will be sophisticated old ladies, drinking tea with pinky fingers sticking out and having scones."

To which the best respond to that was "We are sophisticated, just with sexy imagination!"

I love my crazy, horny bunch of friends. It's good to know that there are some things that never change! :) And that's why I miss them so much, coz no matter how good my new friends can be here, I can never take our conversations to the level that I take with this bunch of girls!

Currently listening to A Great Big World & Christina - Say Something

I can't believe I am going to be thirty next year. I always thought that when I reach the big 3-0, I would have know what I want to do with my life. Or at least have achieved something - whatever it may be. I still feel so inadequate at times.

And I..... will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love.... and I'm saying goodbye..

Currently listening to The Corrs - One Night

But for one night, it was so right, that I gave you my heart, my love, my heart. Just for one night, my body, my soul. Just for one night, my love, my love. For one night, one night, one night.

Currently listening to One Republic - Stop and Stare

Looks like I have nothing much else to type. And my stomach is still a little restless - I don't know why there's so much acidic activities going on. Hopefully it will be all better tomorrow.

Til we meet again, dear ol' faithful blog.

xoxo

Kathlynn

.: Battle To Lose :.

I came across a Lipstiq.com article the other day, that tug a string across my little heart. The topic written by the author is something close to home; being fat. However, unlike the author who claims to be fat but perfectly happier, my story is of a different light.

I was and have been on a chubby side for as long as I remember. When I was younger, back in primary school; I was constantly being teased by my schoolmates of my weight.

“When you walk, you wobble like a penguin!” exclaimed one girl.

“You’re so fat; you’d surely be last in a race” laughed a boy in my class.

Back then, I didn’t really care. Yeah, so I was fat, but you talk funny, I replied back to the girl. “I may be last, but you run like a girl!” I tauntingly replied the boy, sticking my tongue out.

I truly didn’t care, the words that they say didn’t hurt me one bit. Not even when my mom, who gives the disapproving glance as I reach for the third, fourth, maybe even fifth slice of pizza. Hey, I was a growing kid, I remembered saying. Its baby fat, she will lose it when she grows up, a few relatives or friends would console my mom whenever she complained of my weight.

In between stuffing cookies into my mouth, I would nod in agreement. I did think that I would turn, one day from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan.

Life was beautiful or - la vita le belle as they call it - for me. That was until I hit puberty back in secondary school; and before I know it, everything has changed for me.

I became more self-conscious of my own body image, and while many of my friends are dealing with their own insecurities of body weight; none has as huge of a problem (pun intended) as I did. While they are constantly complaining and saying out loud that they are fat and need to lose weight; when they barely have an inch of blubber on them; I remain quiet as I look disappointingly at myself.

The slight saving grace was then when puberty hit, my height accelerated, so that was when I was at my slimmest. But being still pudgy and all; it really didn’t matter as I hated my body and myself more than I ever did when I was at my roundest.

That period of my life has been the darkest ever. On one hand, I put on a brave, happy face when I am around people; but when I am alone, in the comfort of my own room, I turn into my own biggest critic. I have this constant, nagging feeling that I am not good enough or worthy enough and no matter how hard I tried, I am still not happy with whatever I have achieved. From weight-issues it developed into self-worthy issues. It got so bad that I had such horrible, dark thoughts of my ownself. I said and did things to myself that was harmful, not only physically, but physiology as well.

It really didn’t help that my very own mom, whom I thought was supposed to have loved me for who I am, went against me and with my alter-ego dark self. I had no one to turn to and often had to deal it on my own. I am sure that she meant well and only wanted to encourage me to lose weight, but I took it very negatively and hated myself more than ever.

Of course I have tried, but without much permanent success to lose weight. The exercises and the diets showed short term effects, but the weight crept back when I revert to my old ways.

I have since then, and even until today, been carrying the physiological scars of being overweight. Although it’s a vast improvement of where I have come from, there’s still a long journey ahead for self-love. I don’t longer hate myself or am disgusted with my body anymore, but I have yet to learn to love myself and my image.

As much as I envy the thin and healthy; I equally envy those who are not up to society’s standard of ideal bodyweight, but they are comfortable with their own skin. They ooze confidences and don’t shy away from wearing great outfits, while I tend to shy away from clothes that reveals my flabby arms or bodycons that reveals my curves-of-the-wrong-places.

You might say that I am blessed to have married a man who loves me for who I am, inside and out.

You may also say that I am blessed to be surrounded by so much love and care from friends and family alike, whom, in spite of not knowing my inner struggles, becomes my pillar of support and strength.

One might even say that I am blessed to have a great job and a cozy place I’d call home; and that I should focus on all the things that I have achieved rather than dwell in my shortcomings.

I honestly wish I could, even to this moment, when I reflect back, I really, really wish I could. I do not strive to achieve perfection, but I just want to be strive to be a better version of me now (version 2.0, if I must say so); be it relationship-wise, career-wise even physical-wise.

Whatever it is, I hope that I will reach a stage where I can honestly look at myself and love what I see. But until that day come, I will continue this little struggle to shut the little negative voice in my head.

.: March :.

It’s been a crazy Feb month – the month indeed went as fast as it came.

It’s already in the first week of March ; close to about 20% into the year.

I felt like Christmas was last week, New Year was over the weekend, and Chinese New Year was just yesterday. I have barely put down my Christmas décor, put up my CNYs, and now, I have to take them all down again (including the Christmas tree which is holding my CNYs decors).

There’s just so much to ramble, but maybe I shall do it some other day through some other avenue.

Am looking forward to the family vacation with the cousins to Maxwell Hill in two weeks time.

Am also excited over the Bangkok trip with my ex-highschool friends.

And am even more to celebrate my Tigger’s joyous day come Nov! She has trustingly asked me to be her emcee for her wedding dinner, which I reluctantly agreed. My reservations come not from the fact that I don’t want to do it, but it’s coz I don’t believe I could do a good job. I am not sure if I will be a good emcee, but if she & her fiancée have such strong faith in me, perhaps I should too of myself. Anyways, I gave her the option to replace me should she find herself a better one, but if I have to do it, I promise to put in my best-est effort for my best-est friend! :) *finger’s cross that I don’t trip on stage or accidentally curse*

There’s plenty I want to do. And as always, there’s so little time. The time ticks the minutes, days, and years away. I just feel that the someone has to relook into the law of the universe. Somehow, the older I get, the faster that time passes by, so fast and so much so that 24 hours to me 10 years ago is different from the 24 hours now. It's some sort of conspiracy I tell you.

Anyways, that's all for this Friday rambles.

Have a great weekend y'all! :)

.: Bangkok, Baby :.

I'm so excited, coz our long awaited plan to Bangkok finally crystalise with the besties.

 

It's gonna be a hen's night, minus the bride (sorry Tigger)!

Gonna go around and paint the town BRIGHT RED! :)

 

 

 

.: Hen's Night :.

Reminising of my hen's night makes me appreciate my crazy friends more and more each day!

"I ride bareback!"

"Depends on the mood!"

Ohhhh.. just can't wait til my Tigger's turn! :)

.: Recap :.

I've noticed that I've been blogging less and less of late. From a regular stream of approximately 15ish to 20ish blogpost a month, reduced to a shameful single digit.

Again, it's not that I do not have the time, but the juggle between work and other leisures means that some things that I love to do have to take the backseat, for the time being that it.

I have also put my baking completely on-hold, as I focus more on whipping up new Chinese dishes. I am proud to say that I have successfully emulated Lemon Chicken, Marmite Chicken & Taw Yew Bak (Soya Sauce Pork) with part help from googled recipe, but it was heavily modified to ingredient in hand as well as whatever foodish instinct I have.

I had revisited Project Scribe again i.e. clearing more junks of paper in my house and doing up so long overdue-ed filing. So not my forte. I just hate filing coz I don't believe that I'm a very neat person to begin with.

I have also been allocating more times to my reading i.e. in sheer determination to achieve my #52booksin52weeks target. I have another 18 books left, so if I continue the pace, I may be able to complete by end Nov. BIG IF. I have at least another 4 purchased books lined up begging to be read, plus the endless supply of library books. Also, am considering to drop by the Subang Jaya Book Exchange that is held weekly in a community hall nearby. Will see how that goes.

My camera has also taken the backseat, and the only recent snaps I took is the day trip to Sekinchan over the long Raya weekends.

Pinterest have became my biggest vice, as I addictively pin down ideas that I wish-to-do-in-the-near-future. But we all know that the near future isn't that near, or even unlikely to happen. But I am proud to say that out of the stuff that I have pinned, I have tried at least 5% of it. Hey, it's a start! Will find time (if ever) to post the DIY's I did - which are DIY tree branch decor for my living room, photo frame collage for my living room, 3D papercraft art for my study/reading room.

As for Project Wallaby, it will be on-hold again, given that the opportunity we had is unlikely to crystalise.

Again, there's much achieved for this year, for it has indeed been eventful. There's plenty more to do til year end, but whatever it is, I am thankful for the blessing that God has showered me (and us) throughout the year! :)

.: Matters Of The Heart :.

Sometimes, I wish I have the magical powers to heal. More specifically, to heal a broken heart. Sometimes, I wish I have the wisdom of Solomon, so I'd know what to say to make you feel all better. Sometimes, I wish I can rationalise with you; like how 1+1 will always = 2. But logic and sensibility goes out the window when matters of the heart are involved. It defies all logic, defies all common sense, the most intelligent of person can act most irrationally. I know it is easier said than done. I know that it hurts. But I want you to know, that I am always here for you, no matter what. To be your shoulder to cry on, to be your listening ear, to be your venting outlet. I want you to know that....

Remember, time heals all wound. Be strong!

.: Up On Stage Again :.

I was invited by Pat via a phone call two months back to give a speech to high school students on the ICAEW programme [click here to read my past experience on stage]. If you have read, you would have known that I just have this phobia of going on stage. My palms gets all sweaty, my pulse rate doubles, I have butterflies & knots in my tummy, that sort of things. But, for some weird reason, I said ok (perhaps it is because of my inability to say no).

Long and short of it, the date was decided to be on 7th July, at Sunway University's Multipurpose Hall. I later found out that it will be forum style (which is much better, as I don't have to stand solo, delivering a bunch of mumbo jumbo which probably bore the kids half to death anyways.

Anyways, again, to cut a long story short, the whole event went pretty well. Must really give credit to the CFAB students who managed from head to tail the whole event. I know plenty of hard work went behind the scene to make that day a sucessful one.

Our forum slot was scheduled for an hour and the half. At first, pre-discussion, we were worried that we may not have enough to talk to the kids about. But the moderater, Jane, was excellent in moderating the whole forum, and we did have a bunch of engaging crowd. The students were enthuasistic to ask questions to the members of the panel, which I must say, the panels did a good job answering them. It ended up we have overrun our time, but I am sure most of the students didn't mind one bit, and so did we.

I had my moments of stage fright & I could hear the shiver in my voice over the mic, but again, I'm glad I step-up to that personal challenge. I told myself never again, but if I know myself better, if another opportunity arises, I will still say yes.

.: The Prelude Of My Adventures :.

So, what DID I do, now that I am a housewife? I went on a short impromptu trip to Phuket, I shopped (Malaysia Megasales *woots*), I spend quality time with my mother and my grandma, I went up on stage again in spite of my stage fright, I completed Project Masterpiece (finally!), I helped out the husband with Project Casa : Phase 2, I helped kickstart a project (secret at this stage) with some ICAEW students, and of course, what is a housewife if she doesn’t do a little bit of cooking & housework isn’t it? :)

Will detail my adventures in the next few post! :)

.: Twit Twat :.

Snippets from my twitter to share

Kath : Another emergency! Operation clean house asap!
Brid : A pet rat?
Kath : No, a visiting aunt!

MLee : Stupid boyfriend. Hmph.
Kath : All of them are. Then, they'd be upgraded to stupid husband. Cycle of life. Haha.
MLee : Hahahaha wise words coming from the wise one with experience.

Brid : So @SMK has a habit of going out half naked and only putting on his shirt in the car when going out. Then, we met @Kath 's mom & bro.

.: Let Me Let Go :.

.: Let Me Let Go : Faith Hills :.

I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I can't go a day without your face
Goin' through my mind

In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin'
But they don't hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
You're all I see

Let me, let me let go, baby, won't you
Let me let go
It just isn't right
I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, you're still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go

Dedicated to my friend who is goin thru a painful heartbreak. Time heals all wounds, be strong!

.: Just Some Random Rambles :.

Ok, so it’s been three weeks and counting since I’ve used my Foursquare apps – and not only that, I manage to get The Husband to download it on his smartphone as well. He’s excited over it more so of the tips that he gets from the makan place, whereas, I am all in for the points (at least for now).

Anyways, The Husband has been working late these couple of days, leaving me to catch up with my reading. I also have take a hiatus from pinning in my Pinterest just to spend more time with my books. Oh, did I mention that I bought another two books from Book Xcess, because I just really can’t help it. Really, I swear the books were calling out my name and I knew I just have to get some there and then! So now, I have close to about 6 purchased books and 3 borrowed books to be read.

No complains for me tho, give me a good book and a good place to cozy up to read and I am one happy camper! :)

Aside from reading, we have been pretty actively involved in Project Island. We did throw in an offer for one of the units that we had our eye on, but it was rejected by the owner, who wanted to wait-and-see first. Fair enough, we would have done the same if the roles were reversed. So, meantime, poor Benedict have to dig some more.

Speaking of Ben, caught a movie (The Avengers) with him & Joe & Felicia last night (much thanks to Joe for the premier tickets). The movie was awesome (would have been awesome-er if it was in 3D, but hey, I am not complaining!). Worth the watch, especially if you are a Marvel comic fan! Tim, Tamie, Joel (my ringbearer) & Elisha joined us for dinner at Food Republic in One Utama. My first time there, and many from Foursquare (via tips) complained that the price is too expensive for a food court, but I suppose its not easy to get PLC (peng-leng-cheng) food in shopping malls. Anyways, I think it’s pretty decent. In fact, I have some pad thai and two pieces of fried spring roll for RM11.90. Not too bad, big portions so much so that I manage to share with Ben some.

Over dinner, Joel mentioned that he’s very excited that he’s gonna watch The Avengers this Saturday. I looked at the rest of the gang and said “I guess we shouldn’t pop his bubble by telling him what we’d be watching today”. But, lateron, Joel asked us what movie are we watching, and not wanting to ignore him, I answered “Avengers”. The looks on his face, man, I wish I hadn’t replied him. Disappointment and confusion all bundled into on expression; he suddenly shouted “No. LIAR!” Anyways, we left before he made a bigger fuss over it. But learned my lesson, never be the bearer of not so good news!

Oh, I also succumbed to the marketing gimmicks of Starbucks but purchasing a RM120 mini-card. I told myself (and also out loud during the earlier dinner with the gang) that I am not going to buy it. But when I went over to Starbucks, saw the kuchi card, I was like (in the words of Ben) a screeching pre-teen! Anyways, to note that their new cookie crumble chocolate/mocha was nothing to shout about. It was too diluted for my liking (similar to the Blonde Roast which they launch a couple of weeks back). I still like my drink rich & thick, thank-you-very-much!

Oh, thank goodness today’s Friday and I am so looking forward to the weekend. Am tempted to take one day off one Monday given that Tuesday is Labour’s day, a public holiday (and also Daddy’s birthday!). But The Husband says that he can’t and in fact would most likely need to work this weekend as well. Bummer that our schedules just can’t seem to meet!  Anyhoots, I am doing some grocery shopping with my colleagues tonight. I know, sounds so aunty right? It’s strange but true that I find grocery shopping enjoyable & calming!

Ok, that’s all for now. Hope you guys have a great weekend ahead!

.: My Day Today :.

It has been an eventful day.

Took part in Nuffnang's Malaysia's First Ever MasterChef Blogger competition. The 20 bloggers that took part were put to two task.

First task was an Invention Test, where the 20 bloggers are suppose to create a dish within one hour incorporating the "secret ingredient". Kyo no tema *in Kaga (Iron Chef) tone*..... CHICKEN.

No biggie right, one would think. Chicken has got to be the most versatile ingredient one can use. But under the time pressure and just being in a kitchen that is not yours together with the limited complimentary ingredients, it is not as easy as it sounds. Anyhows, after going thru some options - Sweet & Sour Chicken, Curry Chicken and even Ayam Masak Merah, I made a decision to play safe and go with Grilled Chicken in Lemon Sauce with a bed of sauted vegetables. A dish that, sadly, didn't push me to qualify for the finale as they were looking for something more creative, hence playing safe wasn't exactly a smart move.

Anyways, it was a good and enjoyable experience and I really did had fun! Competition was great and indeed the top 5 deservingly gets to make the cut. Made a new friend - Dharm, do check out his foodblog here! And yeah, I did finally get to learn how to make poached eggs. Have seen it a couple of times on TV, but never really gotten a hand on it until today, where it was part of the second task. The first attempt was terrible, the egg-white came out too runny. But the second attempt was a good (tho nowhere near perfect) poach egg, with the judges : Ryan Khang (from The Cooking House), Azlin Reza (from Astro Ria) & KY (from KYSpeak) nodding their head in approval.

(will share pics once I get a few from others as we didn't lugged our DSLR along)

When all was over, JC was hungry (and grumpy because he was hungry) and we had lunch at Bulldog Pub & Cafe. By the way, the Spotted Dick's custard sauce is absolutely delish! I heart!

I had a terrible headache and was feeling nauseated, probably still have not recovered from my flu early this week or probably from last night's drinking at The Tavern, Guinness Factory (some ICAEW City Group event). So I napped while JC drove to Avalon for us to get a lamp for our home.

Went home after, took a nap and was up for dinner and a yum cha session with my secondary school mates at our favourite Starbucks place in Uptown (we have been meeting here for the past five to six years). It's good to have finally catch up with them after months. We were planning to have our TEN YEARS reunion for SMDJ's 5 Batai 2002. Wow, seriously 10 years have passed since we left highschool. It has been that long, hasn't it? Time flies.......

.: You Can Say I'm A Dreamer :.

Been having some weird dreams (have it ever been normal? hmmm) two nights in a row.

The theme of these dreams are about forgiveness. Perhaps God is trying to ask me to let go of the past hurts & disappointments and start afresh with these three particular people. In my dreams, I told them I missed them and the way we used to be.

I was, at one point in time of my live, very very close to these three people. They were everything to me and I loved (perhaps I still do love) them and care for them very much.

Somehow, for person A, we just drifted apart. And when I found out that she was bad-mouthing me behind my back, I got really annoyed and choose to shut her of. Being family, I do see her a couple of times in a year, but somehow, it has become just the customary hi-bye greeting shared between us and nothing more. It pains me much that our relationship has drifted this way for she was the very person I spend most of my time with during my toddler days. If I recall correctly, she was the very person who taught me to read my first book at the age of three. In my dreams, I told her I was upset with her for the past, but want to work things out between her. I do hope that somehow, in real life, this dream would crystallize.

For person B, we drifted apart because of the fact that he has to choose side between me & another person which I was had conflicted, and naturally, he choose her side. I don't blame him, for that's what I expect him to do, it's just sad that our very close friendship had to end that way. We were really close and used to confide in everything with each other. Even a short misunderstanding that caused us to give each other the silent treatment lasted only a short while and it was all over when he sent me a text on CNY eve that says "..you're the best friend I ever had.." which brought tears to my eyes. In my dream, he was very distraught and was trying to tell me some bad news that have befallen on him, but before he did, I woke up (from the backache that I was suffering). Tho I know that it is very likely that we ever reconcile, I do wish him all the best in his future, and hopefully the dream of something bad is not premeditation of his existing situation.

For person C, it is only been of late that there were issues that happened leading me to be very disappointed and upset. It was more upsetting that in this particular dream, we drifted even further and was blatantly ignoring each other. I can also, in my dreams, sense that my late-Grandpa was not very happy with this and to cause him great disappointment in me make me even more so disappointed with myself. In real life, because of the above incident, I have tried to distant myself away for this group of people, hoping that by doing so, I will save myself for much more disappointment in the future. It's like I'm trying to stop loving this group of people (person C included) so that I can avoid getting hurt from them. But this dream made me realise that I can't. No matter how much I try to distant myself, I find myself even more concern about them. I care for them so deep in my core that I can't bear to distant myself from them. So I took a step today and started FB chat with one of them, asking him bout his Uni life and all. Perhaps a step at a time til all is reconciled.

Anyways, I just pray to God that I learn to let go all the pain & grief & disappointments I harbour inside me, and hopefully I will learn to forgive & forget. In His words, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

.: My Wedding (Cup)Cake :.

To cut cost, the cupcake tier was handmade (lotsa xoxo to Uncle Albert) & the top cake was DIYed (a nice matching fondant cake would have cost RM150, so I decided to DIYed mine for a small fraction of the cost - say RM10? Not perfect, but still look presentable no?)

On the other hand, savings on the cupcake tier is approximately RM150 minimum for something I would only use say once, at most twice?

If you're not a fussy bride or frugal (like me) just use your creativity to cut corners here & there. Honestly, it's more special to know that you have DIYed your own! And looking back at my wedding pics, I am so greatful & thankful to all those who have contributed in many many big & lil ways.  Like my mom for handsewing my ring bearer pillow. Like Uncle Albert for this cupcake tier. Like Tammie for the pic on my church invitation card. And lil Rach & Tammie for the wishing tree. I heart them all so very much!

.: Big Bullies :.

Recently, the news of a thirteen year old being bullied by her classmate caused an uproar when a three-minute video of the incident was uploaded on Youtube. She was bullied by several other female students who assaulted her by hitting her on her head with books, strangling her with a tie and cutting her hair off.

The victim’s mom quoted that it broke her heart when she saw her daughter returning home with her hair cut in such a manner, and she never expected that the bullying could have gone this far. It seems that the bullies had known the victim since primary school days and had attacked her multiple times prior to this incident. The victim, out of fear that the bullies would retaliate against her, choose to kept silence of the situation. It was claimed that the teachers in school knew about the bullying, but did not intervened to make right the situation.

The bullies have since apologized to the victim, and as newspaper reports this morning, they were suspended from school for two weeks. A decision was made for the victim to transfer school nearby.

Although I have not personally endured being bullied in school, it is something personal to me. My brother have been a victim of bullying during his early secondary days, and tho it is much milder compared to what some of his friends had to endure, bullying should NOT be tolerated, regardless of magnitude. My parents took control of the situation very quickly and the bullying stopped almost immediately.

I had a close secondary school mate who was also a victim of bully even until his late secondary school days. He was singled out and picked because of his skin colour. The thing is, the bullies would abuse him verbally more than physically. It affected him so much that I believe that at one point in time, he wanted to just drop out of school. Again, thankfully with his mom’s intervention, the bullying (tho not immediately) gradually stopped.

For the case of the girl, my brother and my friend, it helped that the problem was resolved at a much earlier stage. Yes, as horrible as the situation may sound, it could have been worse, and life could have been lost.

For most of the ongoing bullying, the victims are still suffering in silence. As much as they are responsible and accountable for themselves, we, as parents, teachers or friends should help take actions in helping the victim of bullies. Try first to talk nicely to the perpetrator. If it fails, report it to the authorities AND be very insistence and persistence about it. If they brush you off, report the matter to an even higher authority.

For the victims, DO NOT fight fire with fire and retaliate with violence, it often worsen the situation that corrects it. For the people who witness/know of situations where others are bullied, DO NOT have the if-it-doesn’t-happen-to-me-it’s-not-my-problem mentality. Instead, look at it from the perspective of if you’re in the victim’s shoes, how would you want people around you to help.

And we cannot ignore

Whenever we see the signs

'Cause any kinda of abuse

God knows is a crime

How come, how long

It's not right, it's so wrong

Do we let it just go on

Turn our backs and carry on

Wake up, for it's too late

Right now, we can't wait

She won't have a second try

Open up your hearts

As well as your eyes

How Come, How Long – Babyface

.: Two Is Better Than One. Or Not? :.

Two is better than one – the bible in Ecclesiastes 4:9 quotes “Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose someone falls down. Then his friend can help him up. But suppose the man who falls down doesn't have anyone to help him up. Then feel sorry for him! Or suppose two people lie down together. Then they'll keep warm. But how can one person keep warm alone? One person could be overpowered. But two people can stand up for themselves. And a rope made out of three cords isn't easily broken.”

It was one of the reason why I choose Taylor Swift & Boys Like Girls – Two Is Better Than One as my wedding march in song. Not because I am such a huge fan of Taylor Swift (or Boys Like Girls for that matter), but because of this bible verse. And also coz I wanted to be a lil different! [Huge thanks to Enoch (our pianist) & Bridget (our violinist) for the playing it so perfectly! :)

Now, the topic that I wanna rant about is partially to do with marriage – but more so also on divorce *gasp*

As much as it is to be taboo on uncommon, especially in our more conservative Asian background, I see it becoming more and more common, as if it is just like popping by the stores to get an IPhone or something along that line.

Both person who we know (case one a guy and case two a girl) are about our age and just got married like two or three years ago. And to make things worse – they both already have kids (who had to suffer the impact of growing up without both parents around). For both cases, I have only heard their side of the story; hence it is bias of me to state that it was the other spouse’s fault. Both have somewhat valid reasons to file for a divorce. Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I am condoning this action, but what I am trying to say is that their grounds of seeking separation are valid.

Sigh, I really don’t know what to rant, but rather to pose this questions out - is the covenant of marriage really to that of a meaningless piece of paper? Do people nowadays find it difficult to be attached to another for life? Is the marriage vows “for better for worse, till death do you part” (which JC & I teared when we both read it to each other) just a mere script that we read for the sake of it?

What is happening to the whole constituency of marriage?

Sigh!

.: T Minus 95 Days :.

I believe there is some truth to this saying:

A woman marries a man hoping to change him and more often than not, he won't.
A man marries a woman hoping she won't change and more often than not, she does.

The thing is I don’t think I wouldn’t wanna change JC once we are married – so the only way is to start now. And I got like about 3 months plus. Teehee.

My life has been pretty much mundane recently (not that it was that upbeat and interesting to begin with, but you get my drift). It’s either bout work, the house renovation or the wedding preparation. Blogging, photography and baking have taken the back seat as the more ‘serious’ stuff takes over the wheel. Sometimes, it can be very overwhelming. But as I look back at the 9 months of this year, I realize that I have accomplished so much; much more than I thought I could possibly manage. I never thought I survive thru the financial year end deadlines of this new company I am working with, but I did – with a few battle scars of course, but still survived nonetheless. I never thought renovation of our house (yes, I've became the “US people” according to Yin) would even start; but not only did it did, but it’s almost done now. I never thought that I would ever plan, organize and manage my own wedding without troubling others much and turning to this legand-wait-for-it-dary Bridezilla; but with the grace of God and favor upon my side; I did (with only a couple of Bridezilla appearance).
It has been a really challenging journey. No one knows all the frustrations and disappointments that I had to endure, the sweat and tears, heartache, anger, frustration all bundle up into one. The moments that I lost it and just broke down and cried for no direct reason.

The only thing that has kept me sane and going is (as cliché as it may sound) the support and love of people around me. Now, it’s T minus 95 days to go before I regain my (almost) normal life back again!

.: Weekend Wedding :.

I attended my high school friend’s wedding during the raya holidays. It was my (unfortunately) first time being a ji mui. But fret not, unlike the bridesmaid, who’s role is usually entrusted to an unmarried relative of friend, there is no such ruling for ji muis. Means plenty of chance for me! :) Having said that, I have witness a married friend who became the bridesmaid for her best friend, so heck with conventionalism! *I have NOT been a bridesmaid before, still waiting for my best friends/cousins to get married and invite me to be theirs*

Her wedding turned out well, for most of the parts, but I felt that it could have been more organized.

I have taken notes, and here are a few tips that I would like to share to all brides-to-be:

1) Ensure that your ji muis arrive on time. To do that, make sure
i) give them a wake up call on the day itself (an much earlier for those who would take longer time to bath, make-up, dress-up, put on shoes, you get my drift)
ii) always give them a time 30 mins earlier than when you expect them to be there. with such, even if they are late for 30 minutes, they are still ‘on time’ according to your schedule

2) Ensure that you inform you aunties-uncles who are involved in the tea-serving (“chum cha”) ceremony to also come on time. Again, refer to 1) ii).

3) Ensure that you have enough fuel in your bridal car. Nothing worse that to drive you car all decorated and looking wedding-sy to a petrol kiosk. And to make your whole bridal entourage to wait at that. Tsk,tsk,tsk

4) Entrust someone to do the final run on the wedding day itself. It’s a day for the bride to sit back and relax and enjoy the moment and for her trusted friends/family to do all the worrying and running. I have yet to identify the trusted someone, but to not overburden anyone, I will divide into three – one at the tea ceremony, one at church and finally one at dinner.

5) Always apologize the next day, for there may be some parties that may feel offended for you may have accidentally ignored them, and things to that line. Not many may understand the stress that you are undergoing and to not greet, talk, smile, take picture, etc with each and everyone of them does not mean that you’re being arrogant or something to that line.

6) Always expect the unexpected. No matter how much you plan, how down to the nitty-gritty of things, it will never completely work out they way you have planned! *a note to myself coz I am having problem letting go and feel that I will most likely be running about in my wedding dress & shoes doing the last min touch up here and there, but I know I shouldn’t*

So let’s just see other brides to be attending my wedding make such notes too :)

.: Durian, Durian :.

Finally satisfied my crave for this king-of-fruits with Su today at Uptown Durian Station (right opposite Starbucks).

Settled for D88 and X0 among the various type of durians available- Durian Udang Merah, D24 & other variations of D-double-digits. If I am not mistaken, they even have the King of Durians - Mau Sang Wong (or also known as Durian Kunyit).

Paid RM45 in total which works out to RM12 per kg. Don't recall if we paid this much last year and not sure if it's worth paying that much, but heck, it's only once a year!

Su, let's make this our annual durian feast meet-ups ya? :)