Six

Hun,



I love you so much! I have enjoyed everyday we have spent together and our 6 wonderful years of marriage! Here are a few pictures of the fun we have had! Thank You for every moment!! You are the best!!



Love,

your wife-Jill

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

We got one!

We got our letter in the mail that we officially have an RFC- ( resource family consultant)!! We meet with her this Wednesday to discuss our family and what kind of children we would like to care for as part of Foster Care. Right now I want to stick with legally free to adopt, but that may change when they call and have a cute little baby. I just feel like it is so close, but still so far away! I will admit I am a blog stalker- of many adoption blogs - and ran across this quote on one by Marilyn Monroe- "I believe that everything happens for a reason. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. And sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." I love this!! I can't wait for our better thing!!

i like this song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs Can't figure out how to put in the video in the post, but I heard this and searched and the singer kinda shocked me...the video is a little odd, but I need to focus more on the living and not just waiting until____happens to be happy and feel sucessful in life. Hope you enjoy the great message in the song!

Mother's Day

Kim made this for me in Primay on Mother's Day.

I think it is the cutest thing! The YM always teach Primary on Mother's Day so the teachers can go to Relief Society. He traced his own hand to make me a flower! Well, this year Mother's Day was interesting for me and Kim too. The YM and YW were assigned to speak, 2 of each youth and 1 leader from each. I was really not even going to go to church casue it is just so hard. But then the leader that was going to speak went out of town, the pres just spoke and the other counselor was giving the lesson...so that left me. Me?! No way- I tried hard to not accept, but then I thought- I love my Mom and I can just talk about how great she is and what a wonderful Mother I have, but then that is hard too casue she is not here. So, Kim said I thought I would do a great job cause Mother's Day means so much to me...so I said I would do it. Then everytime I thought about what I would say I teared up and was very concerned I would not be able to speak one word. The other option- stand there and cry for 5-7 minutes. So, I committed Friday morning. I had to work that Saturday- which is Mom's b'day which makes Mother's Day especaily hard now, anyhow-so I was thinking all day at work which makes it hard to do my job. By the way- I have decided I really want to work in the Extension Office-as the Home Ec. Specialist-2nd only to a stay at home mom- which I am also working on. I really like all the extension offers, but most people stay there til they retire, so I will see what I can do to get more info...ok- back to the talk. So, it was very difficult to try and word the talk so I was not insensistive to anyone- that was hard andI hope I was successful. But it was just not going where I felt it should go. So, I hopped on LDS.org and searched for motherhood. Lots of returns. So, I scanned and looked for titles that I thought would be a good fit for an "altenative" talk on motherhood. I found some great ones! I will put the links for you in case you want to read them. There were so many points that I had not thought of before. I have been trying so hard to accept being a woman while not a mother that I was missing the fact that righteous women are all mothers. Ok- to clarrify- I am not putting a crown of righteousness on my head and making a declaration of my rightosness, but I do feel I fall into this category- as least in efforts heading in that direction...So, basically it turns out that Heavenly Father considers me a Mother and so, I should not exclude myself. I guess it was like I know this but I needed to gain a testimony of it. I will still struggle from time to time, but I am getting better at accetping who I am and what that means and helping my testimony of this to get stronger.

This one part really helped me feel the love Heavenly Father had for me as a woman without kids... it is in Sheri Dew's talk....Are we not all Mothers? http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f0348d00422fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.”

-So, I concluded that since all worthy males get the preisthood that all worthy women have motherhood. Myself included.

And then this part was really great too....For reasons known to the Lord, some women are required to wait to have children. This delay is not easy for any righteous woman. But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. Some of us, then, must simply find other ways to mother. And all around us are those who need to be loved and led.

wow- I really like this part of that--- But the Lord’s timetable for each of us does not negate our nature. ----

So, I decided that I am blessed with motherhood without children. My preference of course would be with kids, but that is obviously not the Lord's plan for our family right now.

It was very, very intersting to see people's reactions as I was giving this talk and before too... Like- I can not belive they would ask YOU to talk on Mother's Day. Why not? I am very thankful I had the opportunity to learn more and strength/develop my testimony. So, most people in the ward must have gossip'd or figured it out by now that we are dealing with infertilty- but when I said it some people looked at me with the - oh, they have a disease face...I almost laughed. funny. maybe you had to be there and lived thru it, but it was funny. I ws especially touched by one sister that says she rarely cries on Mother's Day, but my talk made her cry- see she is not a Mother either or a wife. She asked for my references so she could read the talks again. She said it helped her feel better about who she is and her place in life. I also got a few hugs from some of the sisters in the ward who knew how very hard it was for me to give the talk in the first place and I am very thankful for the prayers of my dear husband-without them I may have not been able to speak- literally at all. I had a hard time getting going and getting words to come out. But I was able to do more than cry and it felt great!

I even took the gift they were handing out- only the 2nd time since we were married...see the first year I was not going to stand in Sacrament meeting and get one casue I knew what would happen, but Kim genly nudged me saying I was a mother and should be recognized. Yeah- well then people started asking when I was due since the gift is for Mothers after all....needless to say I declined the gifts the years I was at church after that. One of the talks talks about the gifts- the one I linked a couple posts ago. So, this year I did take it.

Ok, this is getting long, but I did need to share one more thing. I have not read the Mothers Who Know talk yet becasuse I didn't think it applied to me. Turns out I was wrong. The piece I made for Sheri I have given as gifts to several of my friends who are mothers with kids and I decided a while back I would not make one for me cause it did not make sense to hang a plaque up about mothers- who was not me. After reading the talk I think I just might make myself one and hang it up on our family wall just as it is!

Here all the links to the talks I used and some I just plain LOVE!!

The first one was A Mother Heart Julie B Beck http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=4b988fbe352fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

The second one was Are we not all Mothers? Sheri L Dew http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f0348d00422fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

The third was A Special Kind of Mother by Alane Starko, I did not read any from this one, but it is great too! http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1065dbfdf5b1c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

The fourth was Mothers Who Know by Julie B Beck http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=2a4826cb31cf5110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

And the bonus one I LOVE! It is Just the two of us-for now by Ardeth G Kapp. I related to this so well about offense and the Mother's day gifts.I did not get to this one in my talk either, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!! Hope you do too! It brought me comfort and validation for the feelings I am struggling to overcome. It is aimed at couples that are married, but I think it is marvelous for all women. http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=64bc27cd3f37b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

Thanks for all you wonderful comments on my other post about devepling talents of motherhood...they really meant a lot to me and helped me get on my way! I hope you enjoy these talks as much as I did!

getting closer

We are getting closer to a few things.

One is to finishing a few more house projects, though I am thinking they don't end...ever. But they are fun to plan and do together-I sure hope Kim has as much fun as I do-I think he does! The railing was a must do. It needed to be replaced anyway -since we moved in and it was a couple 2/4s-and we had to fix it for the home inspection. Although we passed by telling her we were replacing it. Which we did.

Another- we passed and are officially licensed for 3 foster kids now! They even gave us a paper certificate! I will have to say I stressed and cleaned and stressed and organized and cleaned and then stressed some more. Kim said I was too worried, and it turns out he was right again. One day- one day I will learn, She only walked around for maybe 3 minutes. I had spent 2 days cleaning- with q tips even and if you know me, you know that is not my style of cleaning. I wanted it to be perfect. I almost told her…I am sorry- but if you don’t mind I scrubbed very hard- do you mind looking closer. Seriously I cleaned for over 12 hours straight and could hardly move the next day. I have been reading a lot of blogs lately- about adoption and so many people said the very same thing. One person asked the inspector to open the closet so she could show her how organized it was!

We are still waiting to get a case worker so we can have children placed with us or adopt. We would prefer to adopt legally free kids, but that might change. Then I try to imagine us with kids and get worried that I will run out of things to do with them…seems silly when I type it, but it is a real concern I have- it has just been us for almost 6 years. Can’t believe that either…time flies! We should have a case worker within the next week....but the state's idea of a quick turnaround time is slow to me. But then again, I know I need to work on patience, so in the long run- what is 6 months of classes, interviews, paperwork , waiting and inspections. It is a long, paper filled and emotional process! But we are one step closer! I have decided that if all couple had to go thru this process before children could come to their home- there would be fewer children in the world. But if this is what it takes to help our family grow from 2 to more- than it is worth it! Plus, there are no needles this way. Don't get me wrong there either- I would gladly get shots if that worked too. Yeah, I would do just about anything- and we are working down that list.


Here are a few pictures of the railing. Thanks to my most excellent and handsome husband and his dad for all their hard work- measuring, cutting and installing. There are some before, during and after for your viewing pleasure. And pictures of downstairs with the carpet. The last pics just had the concrete.

The color is coppery/wrought iron...it matches the floors great!

the end

the pictures!

The bricks are gone!! Yeah- I am so excited with how the remake turned out! Here are some pics I promised! And right as I post this the carpet guy is here! I am excited to be getting rid of all the dust that is on every surface of my home- I clean- resand and the dust is back- all the sheet rock and mud really make a dusty mess that is so hard to get rid of. I have clearned a ton of times and right after I do it is back. Hopefully this time it will be gone! Yippee!

Before:

back room:

After: I thought the angle was better. I will get a better one once the carpet is in.

Before :

Also- I wanted to say thanks for all the great comments. Now the hard part- putting them into action. On a side note, yesterday in our Sunday School class the lesson was on repentance. I have had a ton of lessons on repentance but our teacher is wonderful and she presented in a different way. Toward the end of the lesson she gave a Brigham Young quote that really did not go with what she was talking about - but still applied to repentance and was something I needed to hear. It was something like- He who takes offense when none is intended is a fool and he who takes offense when it was intended is the greater fool. And she was saying that part of repentnace is forgiving others- I know this, but had not thought of it as a SIN to be offended...Guess I need to bump this up on my list of things to work on.

time for a change

Wow- It has been a while since I posted and I think I say that every time. The update on the house...We are just down to painting and carpet downstairs-well mostly. And if I knew where the cord was I could load the pics. I will find it to show off all of the hard work of our family and friends. Speaking of friends...Kim's friend at work has gone through the adoption experience with his brother and has shared a few thing with us here and there. Today he shared this blog... http://therhouse.blogspot.com/ and it is awesome! I have not cried so hard in a long time. Link after link just got better and I love this blog because it is realistic but upbeat! The stories are amazing and this video really, really made me cry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ. It is so true and I can feel that I am right on the brink as this wonderful article http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/1989.htm/ensign%20february%201989.htm/just%20the%20two%20of%20us%20for%20now%20.htm?fn=document-frame.htm&f=templates&2.0 says.. "You have undoubtedly had similar experiences. If you haven’t, you will. In these ways we grow from the time when everything hurts and offends us until, with faith in God, we are neither hurt nor offended. But I want you to know I understand if you feel hurt or offended now." I want to be there so bad. I want to have joy when I walk past 35 pregnant ladies at the grocery store and not get mad when people complain about being pregnant. I want to not have to leave Relief Society dinners early because I can not stand one more birth story and labor story and on and on. I try to change the subject as there are other things to talk about but it always comes back. I even tried sharing stories I have heard from SIL and my sister- nothing to personal- but trying to "fit in" and participate and people look at me like I am crazy and then proceed without me. I really don't want to come across as complaining- that is not my intent, but I really do want to get past the offense and hurt that I feel all the time. I am sure no one means it the way I take it. And this one kinda made me chuckle... "Mother’s Day may be one of those times of hurt. Every year there will be a Mother’s Day, and every year at church a little plant or some other gift may be forced into your clenched fist. But one day you will learn to open your heart, and then, somehow, you will open your hand to receive that gift. Eventually, that gift becomes the symbol of an eternal promise." Cause I refuse to take it every year. Come on take it they say- we have extras. Boy this is harder than I thought to type. This article really hit home and the theme I found in so many articles I have read this morning are to give service ..." We who do not have children can wallow in self-pity—or we can experience “birth pains” as we struggle to open the passageway to eternal life for ourselves and others. I bear testimony to you that instead of wrapping your empty and aching arms around yourself, you can reach out to others. " Which was exactly what I was doing as I read this-how did she know? I have decided I have to strive to be better and develop the qualities that mothers have to posses to be good mothers like sacrifice, service, compassion, teaching and inspiring. So, when we are blessed I will be heading in the right direction. This one actually goes with one of the Personal Progress goals I am working on DN 2. I need to ask a mother I admire what are important attributes for being a mother. So, I ask all my friends that are mothers or who have mothers or know a mother if they can share these with me so I can work on them now. That is my plan for now. Thanks in advance for sharing!