I almost typed, "Look, a Baby!" and then I realized, Landon really isn't a baby anymore. He's a walking, talking, rebelling, charming, frustrating, and utterly adorable toddler.
He loves all food, and is seen here enjoying one of his favorites- blueberry pancakes. He is also showcasing his favorite trick- flinging pancake pieces onto the floor with gusto and without warning. Yesterday a piece landed neatly on top Tex's head; Rosie immediately licked it off.
He loves his wagon, but now only wants to push it BY HIMSELF and any attempts by me to steer, give a little push over a bump, or even get close are met with indignant fury and abandonment of the now tainted toy. Here we are on an attempted walk to the mailbox:
I say attempted because soon after this picture I tried to nudge it in the right direction and Landon immediately walked away from the wagon and threw himself head first into the grass. Later we tried again but only made it to the end of the driveway.
When he's not throwing himself to the ground in frustration, he's the most charming, smiley little guy (and he flips between the two with great speed). His teacher wrote on his daily report today that "Landon is such a sweetheart! He had a very smiley day and loved playing outside with his classmates." I love that - a "smiley day" - he has a lot of those. My very favorite thing he does is walk (yes, walk! there's video proof below) up to me and snuggle his head in my neck. It usually doesn't last very long before he's off to push his mini wagon or bang a block on the tile, but oh how I savor those moments- and memorize every detail so I can recall them ten minutes later when he's throwing a tantrum for reasons I don't think he could explain even if he had the words.
Daycare is going swimmingly. Drop-off was drama-free both Friday and Monday, but since JP did it, I was apprehensive about taking him myself this morning. He's usually a lot clingier with me, but he did great! He smiled when we got in the room and looked very excited at the toast with grape jelly his teacher was preparing. I sat him in his little chair and he looked up at me like, ok mom, there's toast coming, you can leave now. So I backed away and waved, and he looked up and smiled, and then turned his attention to his breakfast. Seeing him at ease and happy from the get-go made my whole day easier, I think I billed 90% of the time I was in my office. I didn't spent hours staring out the window wondering if I could in fact be happy at home or even if I wasn't happy, should I do it anyway. I just focused and worked and smiled on my way to pick the little guy up at 5:15.
Here's two videos I took on Sunday. They aren't very good - I'm trying to hold the camera, cheer Landon on, and move around so he'll keep walking. The first is unnecessarily long because I was never sure if he'd start walking again, so you can either stop watching after about a minute or stick around to the see the dogs, our stairs, and the mini wagon back in action.
The second shows how good he's getting at popping right back up when he falls down. We give him lots of encouragement. It's funny to hear myself in the videos, Lag Liv the mommy sounds so different from Lag Liv the lawyer* who generally refrains from spontaneous clapping. But how can you not cheer for this little guy?
I promised that when I talked about politics it would be in a restrained, well-reasoned, thought-out post. Well, it turns out I don't have time for that and if I hold back any longer from talking about Sarah Palin I fear that I may explode.
First let's start with one of the best SNL openers in a long time, featuring Tina Fey as an eerily perfect Sarah Palin:
Okay, laughing over. Why in the HELL are people excited about her as VP? I absolutely do not understand. Women in general should be insulted by the pick. McCain's advisors seem to think that women are interchangeable, but I'm pretty sure the former Hilary supporters are not so easily fooled. And far from being a step forward for feminism, it's a step back. She was picked specifically because she is a woman, not because the was the best candidate for the job who just happened to be female; there is no way a man with her same political resume (or lack of one) would have made it to the short list, much less be the final pick. The comments from within her own party about her appearance are demeaning (Limbaugh calling her a "babe", interviews of people leaving the convention summing up her credentials as being "one pretty lady", etc.), all of which make the recent Republican ad attacking the Democrats for belittling her rather ridiculous- although it makes me happy to think this is all they have to go on the offensive about. (And, if Karl Rove is saying your ads have gone too far and are beyond the "100% truth test" you should really stop and wonder how much of a "straight talker" you are. You should also avoid denigrating community service when it's part of your campaign slogan. Oh, and she did not "kill" the Bridge to Nowhere, it was already dead, and then she kept the $223 million from the appropriation. Argh! OK, exiting the parenthetical.)
But really, her being a woman has almost nothing to do with my thoughts (and fears) about her as a candidate. It's her striking similarities between Bush and her inextricable popularity that have me scared. After eight years of bumbling inexperience, doesn't America want someone who knows something about politics, foreign policy, economics, the Constitution, etc.? Her interview with Charlie Gibson revealed a frightening lack of foreign policy knowledge, especially given how much she had to have been prepped for her first unscripted televised experience. (For a good write-up of it from a law and international relations masters student, read here.) I realize she's only a V.P. and in general V.P.'s just wait in the wings, but she's waiting in the wings of the oldest man to be elected for his first term, and I think her selection reflects negatively on the man we're actually voting for. This article from the Economist summed it up nicely, "Mr McCain has based his campaign on the idea that this is a dangerous world—and that Barack Obama is too inexperienced to deal with it. He has also acknowledged that his advanced age—he celebrated his 72nd birthday on August 29th—makes his choice of vice-president unusually important. Now he has chosen as his running mate, on the basis of the most cursory vetting, a first-term governor of Alaska.
[paragraphs omitted]
The political calculations behind Mr McCain’s choice hardly look robust. Mrs Palin is not quite the pork-busting reformer that her supporters claim. She may have become famous as the governor who finally killed the infamous “bridge to nowhere”—the $220m bridge to the sparsely inhabited island of Gravina, Alaska. But she was in favour of the bridge before she was against it (and told local residents that they weren’t “nowhere to her”). As mayor of Wasilla, a metropolis of 9,000 people, she initiated annual trips to Washington, DC, to ask for more earmarks from the state’s congressional delegation, and employed Washington lobbyists to press for more funds for her town.
[paragraphs omitted]
Inexperienced and Bush-level incurious. She has no record of interest in foreign policy, let alone expertise. She once told an Alaskan magazine: “I’ve been so focused on state government; I haven’t really focused much on the war in Iraq.” She obtained an American passport only last summer to visit Alaskan troops in Germany and Kuwait. This not only blunts Mr McCain’s most powerful criticism of Mr Obama. It also raises serious questions about the way he makes decisions."
And here's another mention of the similarities between Bush and Palin from conservative David Frum, the President's former speech-writer: "George W. Bush had very slight executive experience before becoming president. His views were not well known. He won the nomination exactly in the same way that Palin has won the hearts of so many conservatives: by sending cultural cues to convince them that he was one of them, understood them, sympathized with them. So that made everything else irrelevant in 2000 - as it seems again to be doing in 2008." Frum also admits that Bush lacked "important aspects of leadership which is how we got into the mess from which he needed to rescue the country and himself." (quoted from the article, "George Bush in Lipstick")
I realize this post doesn't get at policy, though it appears that I disagree with her on just about everything: being pro-life no matter what, abstinence only education, teaching creationism in public schools, total environmental irresponsibility (ex: global warming isn't man made and the way to reduce our dependency on foreign oil is to drill into our own limited reserves rather than explore alternatives), and fiscal irresponsibility (inheriting a small town with zero debt and leaving it with $20 million, even after increasing taxes. Source). And there's things I admire about Sarah Palin - she's a strong woman, raising a family, and pursuing a career that matters to her. I just can't imagine her "a heartbeat away from the presidency" and don't understand how a party that was all up in arms about Obama's experience a month ago is suddenly explaining away their VP's lack of it. When I heard the news of her pick, I was elated- I thought for sure this would hand the election to Obama. All I kept hearing about from my Republican friends was Obama's lack of experience and the vast majority of Americans claim to want a change from Bush, and yet Palin has brought the presidential race to an apparent dead heat. I misunderstood America in 2004 when Bush was reelected - it didn't even occur to me to be worried that he'd stay in power, and it appears I'm confused again.
I sincerely hope, for a lot of reasons, that Obama/Biden win in November. Until then I'll continue reading about politics, donating to Obama, arguing with JP (who, in case you're curious, is completely disgusted with both McCain and Palin and has decided to abstain from voting for any party which I think is wrong because someone is going to be President and you as an informed citizen have a duty to select the person you think is best - or least worst - from the options available), and possibly writing things here, though now that I have my Palin frustration out of my system, I may be able to stick to posting about noncontroversial things like airplane seats and breastfeeding (kidding, there's no way I'm touching those again). Sometime before the election I really would like to write about my thoughts on the major issues and why I hold them- I could send it to my dad to prove this Democrat thing is not a phase and it would be helpful to me to explain and justify my views, but that will probably take way more free time than I have at my disposal. (This post is brought to you courtesy of a bad cold that's kept me home from work without a baby, billables, or anything good on TV.)
Oh, and my previous discussion about deleting negative comments applies to my personal career and family choices, not my politics. I look forward to reading your own views, disagreements, and/or explanations as to Palin's appeal (or McCain's for that matter).
As an attorney (even one with an asterisk), I have to keep track of everything I do all day and enter in my time spent on each client. Today I think I did 4 hours of actual corporate m&a or capital markets work. I spent 1.5 at lunch with a flyback interviewee (so weird to be on the other side of that table and filling in the evaluation form afterward). And I went home at 5:15, so that leaves 3 hours unaccounted for- unless I can figure out a way to bill the firm for my hurricane watching time. Maybe I was looking out for the Houston office? Maybe I was pondering how this would affect our Energy practice? But really I was just refreshing this meteorologist's blog, this page, and this hurricane tracker, and wondering why on earth my parents weren't safely in my guestroom instead of "hunkering down" in their house directly in the path of the hurricane. They're not in a coastal community, they weren't under a mandatory evacuation, and they couldn't leave my grandparents who live nearby and refused to evacuate, but still, I feel like a parent fretting over their child. I had to stop myself from demanding hourly updates by text message (I can't call because all circuits are busy over the cell phone lines). I know they'll be fine but I hate not knowing exactly what is happening every second. If they can't be here, then I want to be there watching it happen as it comes.
I just turned the TV on to The Weather Channel and there's a guy in an LL Bean rain jacket reporting from one of the evacuated coastal towns. Rain is pouring down, he's straining to stand up straight in the wind, what looks like a large tree is blowing across the street behind him, and he says, "the wind is really picking up... it's going to be a difficult night, but luckily we've got some protection from this... [rests hand on a thin post behind him] gazebo here." I was expecting something more along the lines of "concrete bunker" but apparently he thinks this flimsy wood, open roofed, gazebo is going to keep him and the camera crew safe.
I hope they are safe, even if I question their intelligence for relying on a gazebo to shelter them from a hurricane with more power, water, and diameter than Katrina. I hope everyone in Houston and anywhere else in Ike's path is safe. I'm praying for you all.
Update, Saturday at 5pm: FINALLY heard from my parents. They're fine, house is standing, lots of branches and trees down all around them. I had a horrible, horrible day with a screaming, teething Landon waiting for my phone to ring and wishing JP didn't have to study on campus. We're having some friends over for dinner and I'm looking forward to eating my delicious chicken enchiladas (which Landon stopped screaming long enough to let me make), drinking a margarita or two, and releasing my irrational anger at JP and my parents for daring to NOT BE IN MY LIVING ROOM ALL DAY. And then I'm going to bed early because Landon was up every hour last night crying and stuffing his hands in my mouth and I'm exhausted. My prayers continue for all those affected by the storm; I'm so very glad the surge was less devastating than anticipated.
I want to write about how this week of adjustments is going for the three of us, but first I feel a need to talk about my goals and guidelines for this blog. I started Lag Liv in November of 2006 to chronicle my journey as a hopefully pregnant law student. It quickly turned into more than just observations and became a diary, sounding board, and eventually a lifeline throughout Landon's rocky first year of life. Writing these posts is an important and almost essential part of my day. When something is bothering me I find myself automatically thinking in paragraph form, ordering my thoughts and planning out how I'll address the issue here, and somewhere in that cycle of writing, deleting, and writing some more, I often find peace. It's not so much the comments, though I love them, it's the process of rationalizing through the irrational and getting to the bottom of my feelings that makes my world clearer by the time I press Publish. I try not to think much about how many people read it or what the people who know me in real life might think of what I've said. It's my space to write about everything from the superficial to the deep and difficult.
The occasional soul-baring requires honesty. I don't mind being honest. Nothing in life is black and white and as much as I'm sure I want to work, that doesn't mean I don't think about the alternative. I want to be able to admit my doubts without having to defend my continued status as a working mom. I want to be able to write about a late night at the office or a project that is time-consuming but thrilling without having to reiterate my love for my son. I teared up as I left daycare this morning, Landon had sobbed when I set him down, and walking out the door was so hard. I thought about how I wanted to write about that and then I thought about a comment on an earlier post about working where the person told me the reassurance I wanted shouldn't come from a blog and added that "This is a lifelong decsion, everything he will become rests on it. Choose wisely." At the time I wasn't looking for reassurance, I was just talking about my thoughts before starting my job. I'm not really looking for reassurance now either, I still know this is the right choice for us, I just want to be honest about the fact that it's hard. Every day is not perfect. I may love my job (and I do) and Landon may be happy at daycare (and I have the video footage to prove it), but I spent 20 minutes in traffic this morning wondering whether I was doing the right thing. I'm probably going to wonder that frequently and I want to be able to talk about it.
And I'm going to. And I'm going to delete any overly negative or cruel comment about it. This is my forum and despite what some people think the Constitution guarantees them, there is no freedom of speech here (this has become my pet peeve since attending law school, the Bill of Rights protects you from the government, not individuals). It's not even so much for myself, but because there are other working moms who come here and I'd like to have an online space that avoids some of the nastiness that abounds in most working mother websites. I've been blessed with a wonderful community of readers and I welcome your comments, both those that agree and passionately disagree with what I've written, I'm just certain there's a way to phrase anything with a bit of respect.
And now with all that said, I have to admit that today was really hard. Dropping off Landon as a baby was easy for me. I loved his snuggly self, but truly, he was happy to snuggle with anyone and I know Maya held him for much of the day. He slept the vast majority of the time he was with her and even though on some level he knew I was mom, it wasn't like he was watching the door for my return. Now he is a real, mini person with emotions and attachments and he actively misses me when I'm not there. He started crying as soon as we walked in the building today. I stayed in the room for a little bit and he started smiling as he pointed out all his new toys (pointing is his new favorite thing, he does it with such conviction, even though most of the time he's not pointing at anything in particular). I could tell he was comfortable there and he smiled at his teacher several times. I set him down at the table for his breakfast and he screamed. The teacher picked him up and I asked if it was better for me to stay or leave, and she said to leave but stop and wave goodbye at the window. I thought that would make things worse, but he calmed down some and then I hugged the wall and peaked back in the room 15 seconds later to find him sitting in his mini chair at the mini table awaiting his biscuit with a look of excited expectation on his face.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I love my son, love him like I can't explain or fully comprehend. But I also want to work and enjoy my time in my office. I'm proud of my job, proud that I'm providing for my family, and proud that JP can follow his own dreams because he knows the mortgage will be paid. Today Landon's teacher report said: "Landon is doing awesome in our class - very smiley! He is a lunchtime pro - always ready to eat! He loves to push around the cars outside and shares very well with classmates. He is adjusting perfectly." We're all adjusting. Some days are going to go better than others, and I look forward to sharing the ups and downs of our journey with you all.
Yesterday Landon had his first day of school- well, really just daycare, but calling it school meant I could force JP to smile through the obligatory "first day of school" pictures taken outside our front door in the morning. Landon looked snazzy in colorful shorts, red shirt, and black and yellow crocs.
JP didn't understand why Landon was allowed to wear crocs outside the house when he isn't, but I explained that this was the rare exception to the rule as I realized only that morning that Landon did not have any shoes. Up until now he has lived his life barefoot- shoes just seemed unnecessary when it was 100+ degrees outside and he wasn't walking. I rectified the situation with a late Monday night run to the mall and he's now the proud owner of adorable mini black converse sneakers. See how I can turn any post into a discussion of shoes? Speaking of which, how cute are these?
I got them very on sale at Ann Taylor while I was hunting for Landon's shoes (what? Ann Taylor could have had the perfect pair for him) and now I'm planning my whole outfit around them tomorrow. My feet will one day revolt against me, but for now, I love my heels!
Anyway, daycare. All three of us handled the big drop-off well. Landon immediately dove out of my arms when he saw the other babies and ALL the new toys and things he could bang on the floor. JP and I said hello to his new teachers, filled a cubby with his accessories (fitted sheet, blanket, extra clothes, diapers, wipes, walky talkie wired to ring in mommy's office if a baby is mean to him- you know, the usual), and gave him a kiss on the forehead. He looked mildly concerned as we walked out the door, but seemed content to chug his cup of milk and stare at the baby sitting next to him. JP rushed off to class, I drove to work, and then we both logged in to the center's cameras to check on the little guy. Each classroom has a video camera on the ceiling and parents are given a password to view their child's room. At various points during the day I saw Landon push a chair across the room, carefully move a pile of trucks from one location to another, eat his lunch, and listen to a man playing guitar. He seemed pretty pleased with his new surroundings. When I went to pick him up at 5:30 I could see him sitting happily on a mat with the other toddlers (there are 8 in the class, ages 12-20 months), but as soon as he saw me coming his little face crumpled and he buried his head in my neck with big tears. I think he was just exhausted. I know from the cameras and the little "daily report" the teachers give you that he had a good day. We enjoyed a quiet evening at home with lots of dog petting, swinging on the playscape (Landon now points out the window with great conviction every time we pass the back door - he adores that swing), and crawling up and down the stairs. It was nice to be so excited to be with him - I didn't check my email, answer my phone, or look wistfully at the clock, wishing it was a little closer to bedtime. I just enjoyed him.
This morning's drop off also went well. He leaped out of my arms again, but this time started looking around with a worried expression when he noticed I wasn't on the floor with him. I said goodbye, gave him a kiss, and walked out the door (tempting as it would be to sneak out when he's distracted, I think that would be much worse in the long run - I don't want him scared that if he turns around mommy will disappear). He looked like he was going to cry, but I peaked through the window around the corner and he was smiling at his teacher and banging a plastic car on the floor. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I know that some time soon he's going to start getting clingy as soon as we walk in the door and I'm dreading it. Dropping him off was much harder than I anticipated.
Work is going very well. I've got the challenging task of drafting the language for a new, unusual stock option agreement for an Austin startup company (one great thing about working in this office - very cool, mostly small, corporate clients). I've also recently received a huge capital markets due diligence assignment - remember that stack of barbri books that was nearly as tall as Landon? The stack of documents I need to comb through is taller than that. But I'm secretly happy about it; I love busywork, especially busywork that requires a bit of brain power, but not so much that you're worried your brain isn't up to the task. I like keeping the precarious balance between being bored and hiding under my desk- due diligence tends toward the rote and things like creating a contract from scratch make me at least check out the square footage under my office furniture. And luckily there's plenty of space- now whether I use it first to cower from an assignment that I'm sure was explained to me in Greek or to hide my tears on the day Landon doesn't exit my arms on his own volition, only time will tell.
Landon has been standing up on his legs since he was four months old. He's been pulling up, walking around the furniture, and pushing anything with wheels for what feels like forever. And then finally, about a month ago, he took a few tentative steps on his own. The first time he did it he was in our bathroom while I was getting ready to go to work to study for the Bar. He had been holding on to the drawer where I keep my hair products (he loves them- so colorful and so loud when you bang them on tile) and suddenly he pushed off from it, took three steps, smiled, and sat down hard on his diapered behind. Since then we've all known he could walk if he wanted to, he just preferred to crawl at hyper speed, carrying things in his hands, and banging them on the floor with every move. For the last week or so he's even stood up on his own in the middle of the room, taken a few steps, clapped for himself (while standing), and then sat down with a smug smile as if to say "see, it's so easy I don't even need to prove I can do it."
I've been trying to capture these short bursts of vertical mobility on film since they began, but Landon recognizes the camera and seems to take great joy out of NOT walking as soon as he sees it. He smiles and laughs and claps at his own refusal to cooperate- I think he knows he's thwarting my motherly need to document his every developmental move. But then this morning I was taking some random video of him in the living room, hoping to trick him into walking once the film was rolling, and he finally obliged.
So here's my increasingly mobile, chatty, oh so handsome, sometimes serious, and always smiley, little man:
I've been a lawyer-with-an-asterisk for 4 whole days now. I have yet to ruin any major deals or accidentally tell a client to break the law, so I'd say things are going pretty well. I actually have yet to do much of anything. We were in training all day Tuesday and Wednesday, but towards the end of the second day my pretty new laptop decided it didn't feel like being in training anymore and acted like Landon when he needs a nap. It made noises and popped up windows and did everything in its power to make sure that I could not ignore its wishes to rest. So the IT department beat it into submission Wednesday night and it meekly followed my commands the whole way through my make-up training on Thursday. I think it now recognizes that I am the dominant one in the relationship.
My first assignment was to do a research project for a partner looking for quotes for a presentation he's giving, so I got to put my Google skills to good use, if not my legal ones. After that I spent some more time wading through our benefits package- I've spoken with the benefits person in the firm's main office at least ten times. Everything is so much more complicated when you have a child and it suddenly matters financially if you die or become disabled.
On Thursday afternoon the head of the transactional group came in my office to pull me on a brand new deal that will close at the end of October. It's a very exciting company doing exciting things and I get to use almost everything I learned in my Advanced Corporations/M&A class. Words like "spin off," "drop down," "stock split," etc. were just thrown around during the conference call and I kept thinking, "this sounds like a law school exam fact pattern." Except that in law school I could drop down a new company by drawing a box, labeling it NewCo, drawing a dashed line between it and the parent, and then just listing the fact-specific issues an attorney would have to address in real life. Now I have to help wade through and address all those fact-specific issues, which are already much more complicated than I initially imagined. Right now I'd say I'm feeling a good mix of fear and excitement, but that could be because I haven't had to do anything yet. Yesterday I just read through the term sheets and background documents and brushed up on some M&A treatises I pulled from the library. My first deal assignment comes Monday.
Landon has done great with the babysitter. He's excited to see her each morning and super excited to see me each afternoon. He's a happy, busy baby and I'm looking forward to showing him his daycare on Monday. This weekend one of JP's friends from Chicago flew down to visit (we really are Hotel Lag Liv) and two friends I haven't seen in a long time are stopping by Saturday and Sunday. I also have a pile of laundry to do (or get JP to do) and some picture frame and other office decor shopping to accomplish. Oh, speaking of my office! A very sweet attorney friend in Washington, D.C. (who I met through the blog during the nightmare posts) sent me a beautiful purple orchid yesterday. I was so surprised to see the flower box on my desk, especially since JP is under strict orders not to spend money on me (our anniversary involved the exchanging of cards and a nice meal sans Landon). She said she remembered her office was barren in the beginning and the little potted orchid should live much longer than fresh cut flowers. I've decided I'll continue the tradition when my friends start work next year. People can be so lovely.
I have much to say about the DNC, RNC, Palin, etc. but no time to craft my words as carefully as I'd like. One problem with living with someone who thinks differently from me is that I immediately think of the rebuttal to anything I type, so then I want to address that with another argument, but then I think of what JP would say to that, so I want to make sure I counter that next point, and next thing you know I have a novel written on one small point. But just as a warning, there will probably be something political in the next few weeks.
*Well, kind of. Technically I can't say that until I pass the Bar, as the asterisks in my email signature block make clear.
Three years ago today I married my soul mate. I have never been so happy or had so much fun and I'd do it all again in a second if I could.
We got engaged unofficially sometime in March - unofficially as in, I decided we were getting married (we'd been talking about it since our second date on Sept 7, 2001) and I wanted to do it before law school started, so I called our church and country club to check on room availability over Labor Day weekend. This snowballed into full blown wedding planning and sometime in May JP finally proposed with my beautiful ring, just in time for engagement pictures to be taken before I jetted off to Europe for 4 weeks. The day after I got back we moved to Chicago, I flew back to Houston a month before the wedding to get my wisdom teeth out and complete the preparations, JP flew down to marry me, and we drove my car up to Chicago together two days after we got hitched. Looking back, that should have been a very stressful summer, but I had a blast. I loved wedding planning - even with only a few months, a very limited budget, and no help (not that I wanted any). I don't understand all the articles I read about women freaking out during the planning process or getting depressed once the big day is over - it's a day, a great day, but it's only the first one of your life together. Have fun, enjoy your friends and family, and as long as your minister/priest/rabbi/officiant knows what s/he is doing, at the end of the day you're going to be married, and that's pretty much the point. And if you're lucky, like we were, you'll also get to be the star of one hell of a party.
My first year of marriage is difficult to characterize. It was one of the hardest and most stressful of my life thanks to 1L at a school that brings new meaning to the word "rigor," but at the same time I can't help but smile when I think back on it. I was just so happy with JP. We were 1,000 miles away from anyone else we knew and quickly learned to rely on each other and ourselves more than we ever had before. I loved coming home to our little loft in downtown Chicago, loved our walks around the city at night, and loved the little ways we made time for each other in the midst of our first years of law school and investment banking. We had dates at crazy times and in crazy places, but we always had fun. There were nights I couldn't sleep because I was just so freaking happy, I'd lay in bed and kick my feet under the covers like a little kid.
Actually, sometimes I still do that. Happy Anniversary babe!
So, my first day. It was good, though rather anticlimactic and full of computer training. The morning went well. JP left for school at 7, so it was a little crazy getting myself and my stuff together while stopping Landon from treating the dog bowl and/or toilet as his own personal bird bath, but luckily he was happy to bang my hair products on the floor while I got ready. I had the hair styled and outfit donned by the time the sitter arrived at 8, so she played with Landon while I did the make-up and accessorizing. I then showed her around the house and gave her the partially filled-out "Baby's Schedule" the nanny agency had sent me (it had super helpful comments like "well, he used to take two naps, but lately he's been taking one, so he may go down at this time, or possibly this other time... basically if he's fussy and doesn't want food, try a nap!"). Landon was already giving her his scrunched up smiles and crawling amongst his toys trying to decide which to show her first, so I knew he was happy. I thought that I might get a little emotional when I kissed him goodbye, but I was running a late and grabbing stuff from the diaper bag to throw in my purse and tearing through our junk drawer to find a check to void for direct deposit, so I just didn't have time to wallow in the "I'm leaving my baby" thing. And he was fine, I could hear him happily babbling to the sitter, so the whole transition was drama free.
At the office I was presented with a welcome gift (beautiful snow globe with the Austin skyline from Saks), large insulated plastic cup and coffee mug with my name on it (part of the firms' effort to be green, no more styrofoam or other disposable cups), two huge binders full of training manuals and employment forms, and my personal favorite - a stack of empty legal pads with the firm name on the top. Oh how I love a freshly bound stack of blank paper. We ("We" being me and the two other associates who chose to start on the first day possible - I think everyone else is starting on the last day possible, 5 weeks from now) had introductory meetings with HR, Marketing, and our secretary staff, went on an office tour (oh my office - so pretty! with such a beautiful view), and then out to lunch with our mentors. The entire afternoon was spent in computer training, which we will also be doing for 8 hours tomorrow. I now have a snazzy laptop and docking station, black berry, and a growing fear that sometime soon I'm going to have to do actual work involving real legal matters and someone might find out that I know nothing at all. Luckily my desk is big enough for me to hide under whenever I feel the need.
Training was over at 4:40, so I was home by 5. I could hear Landon squeaking in the dining room when I opened the door, and I got the biggest, scrunchiest face smile I've ever seen. He exclaimed "Dat!" when he saw me, which we thought was his word for "dad" but now I think it's just "parent!". And really that makes sense- to him, JP and I aren't very different. We both do the same things with him, and pretty evenly divide his care, so just as he has two dogs that are different but both called "Dug," he has two "Dats" - his mommy and daddy. I kind of like that. He smiled and flapped his hands enthusiastically as he waved goodbye to his new lady friend, and then we went inside to chase each other around the living room.
I'm now sitting on the couch next to a one inch thick stack of employee benefits papers, feeling very grown up as I select insurance and retirement plans. It's a new responsibility for me, being the provider for my family, but one I'm happy to take on. It still feels weird to be starting something without an end date, which is a first for me. But I think it's going to be good - exciting, fun, challenging, stressful - really, all my favorite things.
We had a lovely cookout with JP's business school friends - a married couple and another male student, all three from India. The menu consisted of grilled veggie burgers and chicken breasts, fresh cut veggies and dip, chips, vegetarian baked beans, and brownies with chocolate icing and vanilla ice cream. Oh, and lots of beer.
I really enjoyed JP's new friends- they're so fun and funny and I love the stories about our different cultures. At one point we were talking about Indians and vegetarianism and one of the guys admitted that his first taste of beef was a hot dog, which resulted in this quote, "You lost your virginity to a cheap hot dog?!" It pretty well captures the good times, and it turns out that was a six dollar hot dog, so not so cheap after all.
Landon was at his best as the very busy host - crawling around all over the place showing off all his tricks.
S, the wife of one of the students, asked me if I was sad to leave him during the day when I start work tomorrow. And I admitted that I am, but I'm also really excited. I'm finally starting my career - not just another job, but a career that I have worked for and one that will support my family and give JP the ability to do whatever he wants out of business school. Landon will do great in daycare, we'll still have lots of time together as a family, and I will enjoy each second I have with him even more.
Tomorrow begins a new chapter in my life and I can't wait to see what it brings!
"Lag liv," imperfectly translated, means "law life" in Swedish. I'm half Swedish and I was in law school back when I wrote my first post in 2006, so Lag Liv I became and Lag Liv I still am!
Now I'm a full-time attorney and all-the-time wife and mom of three. We live a busy life in Dallas, Texas. You can read more about me and my cast of characters in the About Me and My Blog page. Happy reading and if you'd like to contact me, my email is lagliv [at] gmail [dot] com.
