Another day, another ... heck, I don't know!

So my mother is stable and she looks a whole lot better.  But she will be having surgery.  Again.  I spoke with the infectious disease doc yesterday morning who said that the infection likely stemmed from her bones or one of her prostheses. He said that surgery was a reasonable possibility, but it would be the surgeon's call, and that they could just do a debridement, or possibly have to remove the newly installed parts.

The surgeon told her that he is just doing the debridement, but I wonder if he just didn't mention that removing the new parts is a possibility. Reading between the lines, I'm concerned that amputation is a possibility, but I'm not mentioning that to her.

And the infectious disease doc said that at a minimum she is looking at several more weeks on IV antibiotics.

So we've essentially rebooted and this story is never going to end.

I had to go to the library after the hospital, and once I sat down in the quiet peace of the law library and processed all of this, it was all I could do to hold back tears. (Can you imagine some crazed lawyer lady crying in the middle of  a law school library?) This is going to go on for months.  Last month there was a light at the end of the tunnel and now there is not.

I'm spread as thin as I can go.  I really don't know what to change to do differently to lighten the load.  I have new housekeepers starting today for weekly cleanings  and I am scrambling to hire a new nanny, because those are about the only things I can do to relieve some of my stress. (The nanny is not so much a babysitter as a chaos control agent--making sure the girls are doing homework and transporting them to activities and making sure my house isn't a disaster when I come home in the evenings.)

On the bright side, we are in the middle of settling three big cases at work.  It is certainly good timing for me, as it will lighten the load at work a bit.  But I'm also meeting with a new client this morning, so who knows what that will bring.

LC on WebMD

So, in a move all doctors hate, I was googling my mother's condition this morning.  I was trying to figure out if sepsis could really have had such sudden onset that the doc who examined her the same morning didn't pick up on it.  Apparently it is possible for sepsis to develop over a matter of hours.

But in researching that issue, I learned that the mortality rate for people with her risk factors (poor health, auto-immune disorder, long time on antibiotics) who develop sepsis is very high.  It seems I underestimated the seriousness of her condition. I guess I'm just so used to her having to go to the hospital all the freaking time that I'm sort of desensitized to it. 

I talked to her internist this morning, who confirmed that her condition is very serious.  And he said that we really wouldn't know how serious until 72 hours had passed.  I guess they need to see how she responds to the medications that she is on.

They also found a blood clot today and installed a stint.  My super awesome husband went up to the hospital during that procedure because I had just returned from visiting her when she called and was supposed to meet with the nanny candidates that I had cancelled on yesterday.

And so, I guess we sit and wait.

Blogging ... it's cheaper than therapy

You know how my uncle was supposed to be taking my mother home today, after five whole months here? Yeah, that didn't happen.

My mother developed sepsis overnight and was taken to the ER.   Apparently I never turned the volume back on my phone after my hearing yesterday, so I didn't see the 9 missed calls until 9:00 this morning.

WTF?  She saw her surgeon on Friday and he said she was ok to go home.  I saw her Friday night, and she was perfectly fine.

Anyway, I called the ER doc to get the scoop (he left his personal cell number!).  She told him that her daughter was a lawyer and he clearly did not want to take responsibility for anything that happened to her and was peeved that he couldn't reach her surgeon.  She was at a small neighborhood hospital and he wanted her transferred to the big hospital where she had her surgeries.  I had no disagreement, as the big hospital is certainly a better facility that the tiny no-name hospital she was currently in.

So, I spent my Saturday at the hospital. I was supposed to interview nannies this morning, and I had to cancel the interviews at the last minute. And I almost cried when I had to tell my girls that I would not get to spend the day with them. I had had a very busy week and was definitely feeling like I was not getting enough girlie time. 

I know it's irrational, but I'm angry with her. I swear I feel like she somehow psychosomatically created this so that she didn't have to go home. (She doesn't want to go home--that's another long story.) I needed her to go home.  My time is full with my job and my kids and running my house.  I've had hardly any downtime since she's been here--because if I have any extra time, I have to stop in and see her, or rearrange my weekend to see her.  And usually there's not extra time anyway, and so it's taking away time from my kids or my job.  And right this minute, I am really, really busy at work and so she's taking away time with my kids.  And it just makes me angry.  Because she never made time for her kids.  She didn't rearrange her job or her life for us. And the thing I want the most in life is to not be like her.  And yet she's making me like her because I'm not spending time with my kids.  (I told you this post wasn't rational.)

So anyway, I stayed with her until they got her transferred to the big hospital. She is in ICU there, and probably won't be moved to a regular room for at least another day or two. The ICU nurse gave me a look of incredulity when I left this evening.  I guess people usually camp out when a relative is in ICU, from the looks of the chaotic ICU waiting room. But I didn't see what I could do there, and my kids needed me at home.

And so I brought home pizza and we had movie night.

And tomorrow I will have to go back to the hospital, and I rescheduled the nanny interviews, and I have some work that I need to do, and I need to send out the W-whatever to our old nanny, and my house is a wreck (but new housekeepers start Tuesday!) and I need to do laundry, and we can just forget about grocery shopping, but at least I did a big shopping trip last weekend.

I feel like I have absolutely no control over my life any more.

Great Day Parts 2 and 3 (But it's getting better!)

Oh please let this week end soon.

Wednesday:

I settled a $10M case for 4 figures. (It's not nearly as impressive as it sounds. But it was good to get my client out of a complex, multi-party case that was going to be very expensive to defend.)


I got threatened with a $100M lawsuit. (Guess we hit a nerve with that Complaint!)

I filed a motion for sanctions against yesterday's lawyer for failing to remove his improperly noticed hearing from the Friday's docket. (I forgot about the mailbox rule in my last post, so I didn't even have to rely on the lame technical late fax argument.)

I finally got home from work at 10:00 pm.

Thursday:

Telephone hearing with arbitrator (my first arbitration!)

Worked my tail off to draft a substantive response to the bullshit, late-filed motion, but had it on file by 4:00 (yay e-filing!)

Got another late-filed bullshit motion from the same opposing counsel that completely manipulates two different statutes. Happily learn that I completely anticipated and countered opposing counsel's arguments in the response I had just filed. Feel very good about arguing against this bullshit motion because I read every single case involving one of the statutes when I did my annual survey a few weeks ago, and I fully researched the other statute for another case recently. (Unfortunately there is absolutely no case law construing both of the statutes together.  This would be a great case to take up on appeal.)

Left the office at 5:15 (Woot!), terrible traffic, grabbed kids for a quick dinner, then had to go buy a gift for a baby shower at work tomorrow.

Back home by 8:00, drafted outline of arguments for hearing tomorrow.  Got all my mother's crap together so that I can drop it off because my uncle is driving her home Saturday morning!!!!

Tomorrow:

Hearing, baby shower, drop off mother's crap.

Great Day (please note sarcasm)

I was busy at work--but that's ok.  I'd rather be busy than not. But I had to leave at 5:00 because PS had her freshman information fair tonight starting at 6:30.  On an average day it's an hour commute home, and today it was raining so I really didn't have a second to spare.

As I was leaving the office at 5:00, I stopped by the printer and noticed a fax coming in for me.  I could tell it was a motion and I wasn't going to be happy about it, but it was still printing and I didn't have time to wait, so I just asked an assistant to scan it to me as soon as it came through.

Rushed home, picked up PS, and headed over to the high school (which is so much farther from our house than her other schools and about 3 times as far away as the closest high school). Opened up the motion to find that I am indeed not happy about it. The motion is set for hearing this Friday (because we already have two other motions set at the same time). So I am essentially given three day's notice of a hearing on a motion that is the equivalent of a MSJ. That is just sleazy lawyering. I don't dispute your right to zealously defend your client, but to set an evidentiary motion for hearing with three days' notice is just slimy.You couldn't have even got the court to set a hearing that fast if we weren't already on the docket.

Actually, he didn't technically give me three days' notice.  Our rules state that service by fax has to be received by 5:00 or it will be effective the next day.  His motion is stamped 5:01.  Not a point that I would normally argue, but in this case I think it is justified.

I am booked the next two days, so it is going to mean late nights to prepare any kind of proper response to this ridiculous motion.  And I had an email from a co-defendant asking what my plan was because he is in depositions the next two days. So that was happy news.

And, OMG, the freshman fair had a parent meeting that lasted almost 2 hours.  Kill me now. (But it did make me happy to see PS and her girlfriends sitting together and whispering and giggling because she is not normally a giggling, whispering kind of girl).

Stopped on the way home to pick up take out for dinner, and finally set down to eat at 9:15.

Whew! And did I mention it was my birthday? Oh yeah.

At least PS baked a cake for me, so my house smells like cakey goodness and I have some chocolate frosting to drown my troubles in.

How Not to Behave in a Deposition

I find myself frequently lamenting the decline of civility and good manners. There are some temp workers in my office building who have yet to figure out that letting passengers off of the elevator before you pile in is not only polite, but common sense. When we went to see the Nutcracker  people were coming in a full 15 minutes after the performance began, never mind that floor seats started at $50. And at the twins' orchestra concert I received an unbelievably rude response from an grandfatherly type when I politely asked him to quit talking during the performances.

So I don't have great expectations from the general public.  But I do expect better from attorneys in a deposition. I guess those expectations are misplaced, too.

I spent three days last week in depositions in a big multi-party case.  The room was packed with lawyers.  On the second day, one older lawyer asked another attorney if he could borrow her laptop to check on something during a break.  She generously agreed, and he proceeded to dominate her laptop during the rest of the deposition.  The third day he again commandeered her laptop. And then he started talking.  Through the entire deposition, while the poor court reporter was trying to focus and take down the testimony of the deponent. At one point he took a phone call right in the middle of the deposition--without bothering to get up and leave! All the while typing as loudly as humanly possible on the laptop that wasn't his.

He was oblivious to the shaking heads and pointed looks directed at him, and I was surprised nobody said anything.  (I was close to it, but I didn't want to further disturb the questioning.)

At the end of the day he thanked the lawyer from whom he had borrowed the laptop for allowing him to ensure he got his desired tee time!  She asked if he was going to bring his own laptop to the next round of depos, but he said it was too much trouble. Of course it's much easier to just take over someone else's stuff.

Honestly, my children behave better than this "professional" who was obsessing over his golf game on his client's dime.

Out of Control

Feeling a bit out of control. I just don't seem to have enough time lately to get everything done.  It's always been a delicate balance between work and family, but I've always managed to pull it off.  But lately, more things seem to be falling between the cracks.

For instance, a couple of months ago I ordered some things online. I was in search of a mustard-yellow sweater, but the one that arrived was baby-diarrhea yellow. There was also a belt that I loved but it was too big. It was about $60 worth of merchandise that I needed to return, but I kept putting it off.  Shortly before Christmas I looked at the receipt to check my deadline for the return and determined it was in mid-January.  So last week I dug it out of my closet to finally return it--and when I checked the receipt again the deadline was in December (apparently I couldn't do simple math back in December.)  So now I'm one of those people who donates things to Goodwill with the tags still on, because I couldn't get my shit together.

And then, right before Christmas I got a parking ticket while in court for a hearing.  I parked directly next to the meter and loaded it up with every cent I could dig out of every nook and cranny in my car.  So when I came out and say the ticket flapping on my windshield, I knew it was unjustified.  Indeed, there were still 52 minutes on my meter. I really wanted to fight that ticket--but it was only $35 and wasn't sure it was worth my time. I fumed about it for a couple of days.  And then I completely forgot about it and my hearing date passed and my $35 ticket suddenly jumped to $65 and my opportunity to fight it disappeared. (In my defense there was only 2 weeks to deal with the ticket from the day it was written, and because of the holidays, only about 5 working days. But still...) Once again I need to get my shit together.

At least it is only these minor things that I'm failing at.  My job and the kids are still ok.  But it still leaves me feeling out of sorts.

I think the problem is a combination of losing our beloved nanny in the fall and having to deal with my mother.  We tried replacing the nanny with a housekeeper, but she just didn't work out. And I think  am going to have to go back to a nanny. And then there's my mother.  I keep having to take time off for her surgeries and doctor's appointments. She calls and demands things.  Her caseworkers and doctors call me.  She keeps getting moved from one facility to another (because medicare will only pay for each type of facility for a certain number of days). And the last facility was a minimum 45 minute drive from my house (the others I could make part of my commute to or from work). I feel like she is sucking every free moment I have and many of my not-free moments. And I will admit that I am resentful. Because I feel like I was forced into this position.  And I know that she would not do the same for me--nor would she have done it for her own parents.  She keeps hinting about coming to stay with me, but I have unequivocally told her no.

Shit My Mom Says

Today I had to attend a doctor's appointment with my mother and at the end we had to visit with the surgery coordinator because the doc scheduled a day surgery to clean out her incision that's not healing well.  I had to deal with the surgery coordinator a lot when her custom hip implant was so delayed, and the surgery coordinator was really an advocate for her.

So anyway, the surgery coordinator has a picture of her beautiful infant twins sitting on her desk.  And my mother decides to pop up and ask, "Is one of your twins black?"

The poor surgery coordinator looked shocked.

And I said, "you cannot ask questions like that."

And the sweet surgery coordinator said, "no, she just has a darker skin tone."

And she said, "do they have the same father?"

And the surgery coordinator just stared and said, "yes."

And so my mother says, "is your husband hispanic?"

And the surgery coordinator said, "no."

And so my mother says, "so is the mailman?"

And I said sharply, "Mother, you are not old enough or senile enough to be asking such offensive questions."

I guess I managed to shame her, because she apologized to the poor girl, who was very nice about it all, but I can't imagine what she was thinking.

Seriously, WTF is wrong with her? She's not senile, she's not on any drugs that seem to otherwise impair her judgment, she's only 61--so she grew up in the 60's and should be fully aware that interrogating anybody about their ethnicity or the origin of their children is inappropriate.

Supposedly she only has two more weeks here and then she goes back home.  Please god, let it be true.  She keeps joking about coming to stay with me and I flat out told her absolutely no way.

New Years Goals No 4 - Personal Peace and Sanity

I'm busy (duh!) I work long days, I have three kids, and I'm partly caring for my mother right now.  I don't think anyone will argue that it makes for a hectic life (except my mother who seems to think I at her beck and call). But I do think I need to make it  a priority to carve out more purposeful down time.  I tend to default to watching tv or surfing the internet when I do have unscheduled time (mostly the internet, I really don't watch much tv).  I guess it's easier to just plop down on the sofa with my computer than to figure out something else to do, but I feel like I'm spending way too many hours each day in front of a screen (and my eyes usually punish me for it).

I like creating things, and I have a room with a big workspace. Back when I was a SAHM I was always working on some kind of crafty project, but now they are few and far between. I'm thinking about signing up for a block-of-the-month. I haven't quilted in a long time, and trying to take on an entire project sounds overwhelming--something I'm likely to buy all the materials for and then give up on.  But I think a BOM might be just right. Just a small project each month and then I get another block the next month to remind me to keep going.  The only problem is that I haven't found a BOM that I really love.  So I may just end up buying a pattern and materials.

I also think I should start playing music again.  I occasionally drag out my flute when I am helping out the twins as they practice their violin and viola. I'm surprised that I can still play at all, but it's actually not that bad. (I've lost my very high and very low ranges and I definitely can't play complex pieces at the speed I once could.) But music is a great stress reliever. I practiced a lot back when I played. Hours every day. I was complaining to my grandmother about my twins not practicing and she said, "well, the reason you practiced so much is because that was your escape from everything that was going on at home."   I was a little surprised that my grandmother was this perceptive, but she was dead on.  Playing music was my escape--a way to vent my anger and frustration over things that, as a kid, I had no control. I don't have the angst that I did back then, but I think it would still be a good stress reliever.

Third is exercise.  My default excuse is that I don't have time. That's only partly true.  If I try hard enough, I can find time.  And even when it's cold and dark outside (which is usually the case before and after work) I've found playing Just Dance on the wii with the kids is a great workout. 

New Years Goals: No 2 - Health

First, find a new GP.  I hate my GP.  I feel like she doesn't listen to me and she doesn't really do anything when I go see her.  I only visit like twice a year when I really feel  like I'm dying, and her best advice is usually "take a Benadryl." A few weeks ago when I picked up some kind of nastiness that just wouldn't go away, I went to the urgent care center.  Why?  Because I knew they would give me drugs--even if it was only for placebo effect. And they did, along with a steroid shot, which I think really did make me feel better.

So, find a new GP, then resolve outstanding issues. 

1) My feet.  Am I still grounded from running?  I need to have a new bone density test to see if I am actively losing bone mass or if I have always had old lady bones.  And is all that calcium and vitamin D I've been taking actually doing anything?

2) GERD. I have indigestion.  All.the.time. I eat Tums like candy. My bed is elevated 6 inches above my feet (DH loves this!), but I still vomit in my sleep and then aspirate it if I eat too late. (Yeah, that's disgusting and I probably shouldn't have shared.) I had a scrip for Protonix which actually worked quite well.  But the GP referenced above refused to refill my prescription because it affects bone density.  She told me to take OTC Zantac, which DOES NOT WORK! So I started taking OTC Prilosec which is pretty much the same thing as Protonix, and clearly states on the box you are only supposed to take for two weeks. But  I take it all the time, bones be damned. Clearly I need to get this situation under control. But I think the real answer is to drop 20 pounds.

3) Get in better shape. (Oh how cliche!) DH got me a bike since I'm banned for running.  Now I just need to make it a priority to find the time and the motivation to use it. And I need to work in strength training--the real key to avoiding any more breaks in my old lady bones. 

And, of course, I need to improve my diet. I actually did make some positive changes last year that stuck. (Unfortunately they did not affect my fatness.) I quit drinking sodas and started drinking water. I limited french fries to no more than once a week (we did eat a lot of fast food, but have substantially reduced). I started bringing apples and raw almonds to munch on at work, instead of the carby crap we keep in the kitchen. I mostly stopped grabbing fast food on my way home on late nights. I started keeping oatmeal (w/ extra fiber and protein) in my drawer at work and eating breakfast every day.

But there is plenty of room for improvement.  When I cook, everything I make has cream or butter.  I need to find healthier recipes. (But cream and butter make everything delicious!) We need to add more veggies to our diet.  And I need to log what I eat, because that, I think, is the key to effective dieting and portion control.

Gee, that doesn't sound so hard.

New Years Goals: No 3 - Home

First, hire a new housekeeper.  I had to fire mine last week.  She was a very nice person, but she was not a very good housekeeper. And the biggest problem was that she wasn't showing up when she was supposed to be here, and twice left me scrambling to get the kids to their activities. (She was supposed to work from 3:30 - 6:30 in the afternoons so that she would be here with the kids and could transport them when needed.) Week after week her check was half what it should have been because she didn't work the days or times that she was supposed to. I could have lived with the less than stellar housekeeping, but not the unreliability.So now I have to start the hiring process all over again.  Arghhh.

Second, create a zen space in my bedroom.

My bedroom is the only non-public space on the first floor--so it's become the place stuff gets stashed when we don't know what to do with it or people are coming over.  The clutter definitely has an anti-calming effect.

And we recently had to replace our bedding after ours ripped beyond repair. I love the new bedding, but it does not coordinate with the sage green walls that we now have.  And I'm kind of over the green.  Definitely time for a new coat of paint.

I put a ton of effort into making an awesome pad for the twins--now it's time to do the same for me! This is a top priority project.  My plan is to declutter over the next couple of weekends, then paint!

Third, all the little things.  I'll admit it--DH and I are 90 per-centers.  We get 90% through a project and then we stop.  We put in new flooring and baseboards, but the baseboards still need to be caulked. And we put in new trim around the windows and a new back door and they all need to be painted. I guess we need to make a list of all of those little odds and ends and try to knock out one per weekend.

New Years Goals: No 1 - Professional

I'm not really into the whole resolution thing, but there are some things I would like to accomplish this year. And setting up a goal isn't much good without setting up a plan for implementing it. So I guess I'll make this a series instead of one long-ass post.

First up--Add three new clients this year

I need to actively work on building a bigger book of business. I have brought in about 4 clients and right now I have 2 active clients. My yearly receivables are about $30k. The only way I can grow professionally is to develop a book of business. In my firm, I am getting the most meaty litigation experience from my own cases.  Otherwise, as in every firm, the partners get to do the most interesting work. Also, if I ever want to open up my own firm, I'm going to need my own clients.  This isn't necessarily something that I want to do--I really don't like the administrative side of running a law practice--but it would be nice to know that I had that option if I needed it.

So how do I accomplish this? Networking.

Blah.  I hate networking.  I am not a people person, I am a recluse at heart.  I hate cocktail parties and I am terrible at starting up conversations.  So maybe my first goal should really be learning how to talk to strangers. But I think that is one of those sink or swim kind of things where you really just have to jump in and do it until you get used to it.

I've actually started taking the baby-steps toward this goal. I somehow managed to get myself appointed to three local bar association committees.  This will allow me to network with lawyers in other industries who might be  a good source for referrals.

And I'm writing my state law survey to be included with the national survey.  This will get my name in front of lawyers in my industry in other states--another possible source of referrals.

Other things I need to do:

1) Join the Women in the ________ Industry group.  This will allow networking  with potential clients.  And in this male-dominated industry where women are referred to as "skirts," I think women appreciate working with other women.

2 )Join an industry trade group and attend their monthly meetings.  There are tons, and most of the attorneys in my firm belong to at least one of them, so I guess I need to follow their paths.

3) Start speaking. To somebody--lawyers, trade groups.  I need to get in front of people and talk about what I know. I don't really have a fear of public speaking, but I do have a fear of people expecting me to know answers that I don't have.