Blogging ... it's cheaper than therapy

You know how my uncle was supposed to be taking my mother home today, after five whole months here? Yeah, that didn't happen.

My mother developed sepsis overnight and was taken to the ER.   Apparently I never turned the volume back on my phone after my hearing yesterday, so I didn't see the 9 missed calls until 9:00 this morning.

WTF?  She saw her surgeon on Friday and he said she was ok to go home.  I saw her Friday night, and she was perfectly fine.

Anyway, I called the ER doc to get the scoop (he left his personal cell number!).  She told him that her daughter was a lawyer and he clearly did not want to take responsibility for anything that happened to her and was peeved that he couldn't reach her surgeon.  She was at a small neighborhood hospital and he wanted her transferred to the big hospital where she had her surgeries.  I had no disagreement, as the big hospital is certainly a better facility that the tiny no-name hospital she was currently in.

So, I spent my Saturday at the hospital. I was supposed to interview nannies this morning, and I had to cancel the interviews at the last minute. And I almost cried when I had to tell my girls that I would not get to spend the day with them. I had had a very busy week and was definitely feeling like I was not getting enough girlie time. 

I know it's irrational, but I'm angry with her. I swear I feel like she somehow psychosomatically created this so that she didn't have to go home. (She doesn't want to go home--that's another long story.) I needed her to go home.  My time is full with my job and my kids and running my house.  I've had hardly any downtime since she's been here--because if I have any extra time, I have to stop in and see her, or rearrange my weekend to see her.  And usually there's not extra time anyway, and so it's taking away time from my kids or my job.  And right this minute, I am really, really busy at work and so she's taking away time with my kids.  And it just makes me angry.  Because she never made time for her kids.  She didn't rearrange her job or her life for us. And the thing I want the most in life is to not be like her.  And yet she's making me like her because I'm not spending time with my kids.  (I told you this post wasn't rational.)

So anyway, I stayed with her until they got her transferred to the big hospital. She is in ICU there, and probably won't be moved to a regular room for at least another day or two. The ICU nurse gave me a look of incredulity when I left this evening.  I guess people usually camp out when a relative is in ICU, from the looks of the chaotic ICU waiting room. But I didn't see what I could do there, and my kids needed me at home.

And so I brought home pizza and we had movie night.

And tomorrow I will have to go back to the hospital, and I rescheduled the nanny interviews, and I have some work that I need to do, and I need to send out the W-whatever to our old nanny, and my house is a wreck (but new housekeepers start Tuesday!) and I need to do laundry, and we can just forget about grocery shopping, but at least I did a big shopping trip last weekend.

I feel like I have absolutely no control over my life any more.

Great Day Parts 2 and 3 (But it's getting better!)

Oh please let this week end soon.

Wednesday:

I settled a $10M case for 4 figures. (It's not nearly as impressive as it sounds. But it was good to get my client out of a complex, multi-party case that was going to be very expensive to defend.)


I got threatened with a $100M lawsuit. (Guess we hit a nerve with that Complaint!)

I filed a motion for sanctions against yesterday's lawyer for failing to remove his improperly noticed hearing from the Friday's docket. (I forgot about the mailbox rule in my last post, so I didn't even have to rely on the lame technical late fax argument.)

I finally got home from work at 10:00 pm.

Thursday:

Telephone hearing with arbitrator (my first arbitration!)

Worked my tail off to draft a substantive response to the bullshit, late-filed motion, but had it on file by 4:00 (yay e-filing!)

Got another late-filed bullshit motion from the same opposing counsel that completely manipulates two different statutes. Happily learn that I completely anticipated and countered opposing counsel's arguments in the response I had just filed. Feel very good about arguing against this bullshit motion because I read every single case involving one of the statutes when I did my annual survey a few weeks ago, and I fully researched the other statute for another case recently. (Unfortunately there is absolutely no case law construing both of the statutes together.  This would be a great case to take up on appeal.)

Left the office at 5:15 (Woot!), terrible traffic, grabbed kids for a quick dinner, then had to go buy a gift for a baby shower at work tomorrow.

Back home by 8:00, drafted outline of arguments for hearing tomorrow.  Got all my mother's crap together so that I can drop it off because my uncle is driving her home Saturday morning!!!!

Tomorrow:

Hearing, baby shower, drop off mother's crap.

Great Day (please note sarcasm)

I was busy at work--but that's ok.  I'd rather be busy than not. But I had to leave at 5:00 because PS had her freshman information fair tonight starting at 6:30.  On an average day it's an hour commute home, and today it was raining so I really didn't have a second to spare.

As I was leaving the office at 5:00, I stopped by the printer and noticed a fax coming in for me.  I could tell it was a motion and I wasn't going to be happy about it, but it was still printing and I didn't have time to wait, so I just asked an assistant to scan it to me as soon as it came through.

Rushed home, picked up PS, and headed over to the high school (which is so much farther from our house than her other schools and about 3 times as far away as the closest high school). Opened up the motion to find that I am indeed not happy about it. The motion is set for hearing this Friday (because we already have two other motions set at the same time). So I am essentially given three day's notice of a hearing on a motion that is the equivalent of a MSJ. That is just sleazy lawyering. I don't dispute your right to zealously defend your client, but to set an evidentiary motion for hearing with three days' notice is just slimy.You couldn't have even got the court to set a hearing that fast if we weren't already on the docket.

Actually, he didn't technically give me three days' notice.  Our rules state that service by fax has to be received by 5:00 or it will be effective the next day.  His motion is stamped 5:01.  Not a point that I would normally argue, but in this case I think it is justified.

I am booked the next two days, so it is going to mean late nights to prepare any kind of proper response to this ridiculous motion.  And I had an email from a co-defendant asking what my plan was because he is in depositions the next two days. So that was happy news.

And, OMG, the freshman fair had a parent meeting that lasted almost 2 hours.  Kill me now. (But it did make me happy to see PS and her girlfriends sitting together and whispering and giggling because she is not normally a giggling, whispering kind of girl).

Stopped on the way home to pick up take out for dinner, and finally set down to eat at 9:15.

Whew! And did I mention it was my birthday? Oh yeah.

At least PS baked a cake for me, so my house smells like cakey goodness and I have some chocolate frosting to drown my troubles in.

How Not to Behave in a Deposition

I find myself frequently lamenting the decline of civility and good manners. There are some temp workers in my office building who have yet to figure out that letting passengers off of the elevator before you pile in is not only polite, but common sense. When we went to see the Nutcracker  people were coming in a full 15 minutes after the performance began, never mind that floor seats started at $50. And at the twins' orchestra concert I received an unbelievably rude response from an grandfatherly type when I politely asked him to quit talking during the performances.

So I don't have great expectations from the general public.  But I do expect better from attorneys in a deposition. I guess those expectations are misplaced, too.

I spent three days last week in depositions in a big multi-party case.  The room was packed with lawyers.  On the second day, one older lawyer asked another attorney if he could borrow her laptop to check on something during a break.  She generously agreed, and he proceeded to dominate her laptop during the rest of the deposition.  The third day he again commandeered her laptop. And then he started talking.  Through the entire deposition, while the poor court reporter was trying to focus and take down the testimony of the deponent. At one point he took a phone call right in the middle of the deposition--without bothering to get up and leave! All the while typing as loudly as humanly possible on the laptop that wasn't his.

He was oblivious to the shaking heads and pointed looks directed at him, and I was surprised nobody said anything.  (I was close to it, but I didn't want to further disturb the questioning.)

At the end of the day he thanked the lawyer from whom he had borrowed the laptop for allowing him to ensure he got his desired tee time!  She asked if he was going to bring his own laptop to the next round of depos, but he said it was too much trouble. Of course it's much easier to just take over someone else's stuff.

Honestly, my children behave better than this "professional" who was obsessing over his golf game on his client's dime.

Out of Control

Feeling a bit out of control. I just don't seem to have enough time lately to get everything done.  It's always been a delicate balance between work and family, but I've always managed to pull it off.  But lately, more things seem to be falling between the cracks.

For instance, a couple of months ago I ordered some things online. I was in search of a mustard-yellow sweater, but the one that arrived was baby-diarrhea yellow. There was also a belt that I loved but it was too big. It was about $60 worth of merchandise that I needed to return, but I kept putting it off.  Shortly before Christmas I looked at the receipt to check my deadline for the return and determined it was in mid-January.  So last week I dug it out of my closet to finally return it--and when I checked the receipt again the deadline was in December (apparently I couldn't do simple math back in December.)  So now I'm one of those people who donates things to Goodwill with the tags still on, because I couldn't get my shit together.

And then, right before Christmas I got a parking ticket while in court for a hearing.  I parked directly next to the meter and loaded it up with every cent I could dig out of every nook and cranny in my car.  So when I came out and say the ticket flapping on my windshield, I knew it was unjustified.  Indeed, there were still 52 minutes on my meter. I really wanted to fight that ticket--but it was only $35 and wasn't sure it was worth my time. I fumed about it for a couple of days.  And then I completely forgot about it and my hearing date passed and my $35 ticket suddenly jumped to $65 and my opportunity to fight it disappeared. (In my defense there was only 2 weeks to deal with the ticket from the day it was written, and because of the holidays, only about 5 working days. But still...) Once again I need to get my shit together.

At least it is only these minor things that I'm failing at.  My job and the kids are still ok.  But it still leaves me feeling out of sorts.

I think the problem is a combination of losing our beloved nanny in the fall and having to deal with my mother.  We tried replacing the nanny with a housekeeper, but she just didn't work out. And I think  am going to have to go back to a nanny. And then there's my mother.  I keep having to take time off for her surgeries and doctor's appointments. She calls and demands things.  Her caseworkers and doctors call me.  She keeps getting moved from one facility to another (because medicare will only pay for each type of facility for a certain number of days). And the last facility was a minimum 45 minute drive from my house (the others I could make part of my commute to or from work). I feel like she is sucking every free moment I have and many of my not-free moments. And I will admit that I am resentful. Because I feel like I was forced into this position.  And I know that she would not do the same for me--nor would she have done it for her own parents.  She keeps hinting about coming to stay with me, but I have unequivocally told her no.

Shit My Mom Says

Today I had to attend a doctor's appointment with my mother and at the end we had to visit with the surgery coordinator because the doc scheduled a day surgery to clean out her incision that's not healing well.  I had to deal with the surgery coordinator a lot when her custom hip implant was so delayed, and the surgery coordinator was really an advocate for her.

So anyway, the surgery coordinator has a picture of her beautiful infant twins sitting on her desk.  And my mother decides to pop up and ask, "Is one of your twins black?"

The poor surgery coordinator looked shocked.

And I said, "you cannot ask questions like that."

And the sweet surgery coordinator said, "no, she just has a darker skin tone."

And she said, "do they have the same father?"

And the surgery coordinator just stared and said, "yes."

And so my mother says, "is your husband hispanic?"

And the surgery coordinator said, "no."

And so my mother says, "so is the mailman?"

And I said sharply, "Mother, you are not old enough or senile enough to be asking such offensive questions."

I guess I managed to shame her, because she apologized to the poor girl, who was very nice about it all, but I can't imagine what she was thinking.

Seriously, WTF is wrong with her? She's not senile, she's not on any drugs that seem to otherwise impair her judgment, she's only 61--so she grew up in the 60's and should be fully aware that interrogating anybody about their ethnicity or the origin of their children is inappropriate.

Supposedly she only has two more weeks here and then she goes back home.  Please god, let it be true.  She keeps joking about coming to stay with me and I flat out told her absolutely no way.

New Years Goals No 4 - Personal Peace and Sanity

I'm busy (duh!) I work long days, I have three kids, and I'm partly caring for my mother right now.  I don't think anyone will argue that it makes for a hectic life (except my mother who seems to think I at her beck and call). But I do think I need to make it  a priority to carve out more purposeful down time.  I tend to default to watching tv or surfing the internet when I do have unscheduled time (mostly the internet, I really don't watch much tv).  I guess it's easier to just plop down on the sofa with my computer than to figure out something else to do, but I feel like I'm spending way too many hours each day in front of a screen (and my eyes usually punish me for it).

I like creating things, and I have a room with a big workspace. Back when I was a SAHM I was always working on some kind of crafty project, but now they are few and far between. I'm thinking about signing up for a block-of-the-month. I haven't quilted in a long time, and trying to take on an entire project sounds overwhelming--something I'm likely to buy all the materials for and then give up on.  But I think a BOM might be just right. Just a small project each month and then I get another block the next month to remind me to keep going.  The only problem is that I haven't found a BOM that I really love.  So I may just end up buying a pattern and materials.

I also think I should start playing music again.  I occasionally drag out my flute when I am helping out the twins as they practice their violin and viola. I'm surprised that I can still play at all, but it's actually not that bad. (I've lost my very high and very low ranges and I definitely can't play complex pieces at the speed I once could.) But music is a great stress reliever. I practiced a lot back when I played. Hours every day. I was complaining to my grandmother about my twins not practicing and she said, "well, the reason you practiced so much is because that was your escape from everything that was going on at home."   I was a little surprised that my grandmother was this perceptive, but she was dead on.  Playing music was my escape--a way to vent my anger and frustration over things that, as a kid, I had no control. I don't have the angst that I did back then, but I think it would still be a good stress reliever.

Third is exercise.  My default excuse is that I don't have time. That's only partly true.  If I try hard enough, I can find time.  And even when it's cold and dark outside (which is usually the case before and after work) I've found playing Just Dance on the wii with the kids is a great workout. 

New Years Goals: No 2 - Health

First, find a new GP.  I hate my GP.  I feel like she doesn't listen to me and she doesn't really do anything when I go see her.  I only visit like twice a year when I really feel  like I'm dying, and her best advice is usually "take a Benadryl." A few weeks ago when I picked up some kind of nastiness that just wouldn't go away, I went to the urgent care center.  Why?  Because I knew they would give me drugs--even if it was only for placebo effect. And they did, along with a steroid shot, which I think really did make me feel better.

So, find a new GP, then resolve outstanding issues. 

1) My feet.  Am I still grounded from running?  I need to have a new bone density test to see if I am actively losing bone mass or if I have always had old lady bones.  And is all that calcium and vitamin D I've been taking actually doing anything?

2) GERD. I have indigestion.  All.the.time. I eat Tums like candy. My bed is elevated 6 inches above my feet (DH loves this!), but I still vomit in my sleep and then aspirate it if I eat too late. (Yeah, that's disgusting and I probably shouldn't have shared.) I had a scrip for Protonix which actually worked quite well.  But the GP referenced above refused to refill my prescription because it affects bone density.  She told me to take OTC Zantac, which DOES NOT WORK! So I started taking OTC Prilosec which is pretty much the same thing as Protonix, and clearly states on the box you are only supposed to take for two weeks. But  I take it all the time, bones be damned. Clearly I need to get this situation under control. But I think the real answer is to drop 20 pounds.

3) Get in better shape. (Oh how cliche!) DH got me a bike since I'm banned for running.  Now I just need to make it a priority to find the time and the motivation to use it. And I need to work in strength training--the real key to avoiding any more breaks in my old lady bones. 

And, of course, I need to improve my diet. I actually did make some positive changes last year that stuck. (Unfortunately they did not affect my fatness.) I quit drinking sodas and started drinking water. I limited french fries to no more than once a week (we did eat a lot of fast food, but have substantially reduced). I started bringing apples and raw almonds to munch on at work, instead of the carby crap we keep in the kitchen. I mostly stopped grabbing fast food on my way home on late nights. I started keeping oatmeal (w/ extra fiber and protein) in my drawer at work and eating breakfast every day.

But there is plenty of room for improvement.  When I cook, everything I make has cream or butter.  I need to find healthier recipes. (But cream and butter make everything delicious!) We need to add more veggies to our diet.  And I need to log what I eat, because that, I think, is the key to effective dieting and portion control.

Gee, that doesn't sound so hard.

New Years Goals: No 3 - Home

First, hire a new housekeeper.  I had to fire mine last week.  She was a very nice person, but she was not a very good housekeeper. And the biggest problem was that she wasn't showing up when she was supposed to be here, and twice left me scrambling to get the kids to their activities. (She was supposed to work from 3:30 - 6:30 in the afternoons so that she would be here with the kids and could transport them when needed.) Week after week her check was half what it should have been because she didn't work the days or times that she was supposed to. I could have lived with the less than stellar housekeeping, but not the unreliability.So now I have to start the hiring process all over again.  Arghhh.

Second, create a zen space in my bedroom.

My bedroom is the only non-public space on the first floor--so it's become the place stuff gets stashed when we don't know what to do with it or people are coming over.  The clutter definitely has an anti-calming effect.

And we recently had to replace our bedding after ours ripped beyond repair. I love the new bedding, but it does not coordinate with the sage green walls that we now have.  And I'm kind of over the green.  Definitely time for a new coat of paint.

I put a ton of effort into making an awesome pad for the twins--now it's time to do the same for me! This is a top priority project.  My plan is to declutter over the next couple of weekends, then paint!

Third, all the little things.  I'll admit it--DH and I are 90 per-centers.  We get 90% through a project and then we stop.  We put in new flooring and baseboards, but the baseboards still need to be caulked. And we put in new trim around the windows and a new back door and they all need to be painted. I guess we need to make a list of all of those little odds and ends and try to knock out one per weekend.

New Years Goals: No 1 - Professional

I'm not really into the whole resolution thing, but there are some things I would like to accomplish this year. And setting up a goal isn't much good without setting up a plan for implementing it. So I guess I'll make this a series instead of one long-ass post.

First up--Add three new clients this year

I need to actively work on building a bigger book of business. I have brought in about 4 clients and right now I have 2 active clients. My yearly receivables are about $30k. The only way I can grow professionally is to develop a book of business. In my firm, I am getting the most meaty litigation experience from my own cases.  Otherwise, as in every firm, the partners get to do the most interesting work. Also, if I ever want to open up my own firm, I'm going to need my own clients.  This isn't necessarily something that I want to do--I really don't like the administrative side of running a law practice--but it would be nice to know that I had that option if I needed it.

So how do I accomplish this? Networking.

Blah.  I hate networking.  I am not a people person, I am a recluse at heart.  I hate cocktail parties and I am terrible at starting up conversations.  So maybe my first goal should really be learning how to talk to strangers. But I think that is one of those sink or swim kind of things where you really just have to jump in and do it until you get used to it.

I've actually started taking the baby-steps toward this goal. I somehow managed to get myself appointed to three local bar association committees.  This will allow me to network with lawyers in other industries who might be  a good source for referrals.

And I'm writing my state law survey to be included with the national survey.  This will get my name in front of lawyers in my industry in other states--another possible source of referrals.

Other things I need to do:

1) Join the Women in the ________ Industry group.  This will allow networking  with potential clients.  And in this male-dominated industry where women are referred to as "skirts," I think women appreciate working with other women.

2 )Join an industry trade group and attend their monthly meetings.  There are tons, and most of the attorneys in my firm belong to at least one of them, so I guess I need to follow their paths.

3) Start speaking. To somebody--lawyers, trade groups.  I need to get in front of people and talk about what I know. I don't really have a fear of public speaking, but I do have a fear of people expecting me to know answers that I don't have.

I am Sixteen, Going on Seventeen

I've been married 16 years today, that is.  Wow.  That seems like a really long time. And how are we spending this 16th anniversary?  DH is getting a colonoscopy. Fun! He's only 36 (50 is usually when they recommend that you start getting colonoscopies), but he is now only 10 years younger than his mom was when she was first diagnosed.  She was stage IV at her initial diagnosis--and the doctors waited too long to do that first colonoscopy because of her age. She had to push to have it done, but she knew something wasn't right with her body.  So, we aren't messing around with DH.  I demanded that he have this procedure done, even though it's about the last thing in the world he wants to do.  Happy anniversary, baby!

In other news, my four days of bliss were indeed blissful but Tuesday was back to the grind.  Work was steady and then my brother decided to make a last-minute trip here to visit our mother, and then they finally discharged her from the hospital to a new rehab facility at 7:00 Tuesday night. Unfortunately, this new facility is not at all convenient for me to get to--in the opposite direction of my home and office and requiring a trek through multiple highways and heavy traffic.  I've already warned her that my visits will be much fewer.

And at work I somehow managed to get roped into preparing an annual survey of my state's law in my practice area for a national survey put together the relevant ABA section forum. When I agreed to this, I was told the deadline was in the spring.  It's actually the end of this year. Oh boy.  I started gathering materials yesterday.  My state generates a huge body of case law, so there is a lot to sort through. We've also got several substantial legislative updates, but my firm helped draft most of them so at least I'm up to speed on those. And my biggest challenge will be tailoring this down.  It's only supposed to be a couple of pages with a few short paragraphs. What I've drafted so far is more like a law review article.

Meanwhile, we're heading to Hometown either this afternoon or tomorrow (depending on how DH feels after being Roto-Rooted). We made reservations to kennel Bob, but we completely forgot about Stefanie, the guinea pig. The kennel doesn't take rodents. We could throw her in the car, but she stresses easily and I don't think she will handle it well.  We could ask a neighbor to check in on her, but I feel like they are always helping us out and we never reciprocate (not because we aren't willing, but because they never ask). I guess I better figure this out.

Down Time

I have the next four days off of work. And no company--not even any family parties to attend because everyone else will be out of town.  This may sound sad to some, but it sounds absolutely wonderful to me because I am in desperate need of down time. There is nothing that I have to do and nowhere that I have to be over the next four days--and that's the best gift Santa could bring.

My mother is still in the hospital, so that requires daily visits.  Work has been particularly busy for December with lots of deadlines and two hearings this week.  And the kids have had concerts and plays and Girl Scout events. There has hardly been a night where I've been home before 9:00 p.m. lately.

I'm planning to spend my four days of bliss curled up with a book and a cup of coffee (Santa brought us a Keurig a few days early!), watching Christmas movies, and playing the Wii with the kids. Today we might venture out to see Hugo (we've been dying to see this movie but simply haven't had time) and may even go ice skating.

And I'm copping out and going easy for Christmas dinner. I'm going to put together a baked ziti today that we can just pop in the oven on Christmas. And I'm making making Overnight Pecan Praline Baked French Toast for Christmas morning. (I made this at Thanksgiving and it is really yummy, but 6 eggs are plenty and be sure to cut your bread thick or it will be soggy.)

We'll head to Hometown next weekend to see our families. It will be fun, but not nearly as relaxing as my four days at home (did I mention how excited I am about this?)

Finally!

My mother finally had the second half of her hip replacement surgery today. The first half was August 25--we've been waiting almost 4 months. Meanwhile, she's been in a rehab facility here--400 miles from home--where I am pretty much the only person available to check in on her. (Her husband can't stay here with her because he is receiving chemotherapy treatments in Hometown.) So it was a huge relief to finally have this surgery.

Of course, it did not go as smoothly as planned.  After the surgeon opened her up, he came out to tell us that he would have to replace her femur because there wasn't enough bone left to attach the hip.  And in the end, she ended up getting a new knee, too, because the new femur couldn't attach to the artificial knee that was already there.

So she now has an incision from her hip to mid-calf and will be on bedrest for 7 days to allow it to hear. She'll be in the hospital for at least 10 days, instead of the originally planned 3-4.  And then rehab starts all over again. We were hoping she could go home by mid-January, but who knows how long recovery will take now.

And she will eventually have to come back to have the other hip done.

This was a big step, but it still feels like a never-ending nightmare.

Finally went to the doctor today

Totally not embarrassed at all when I found out I would be getting a steroid shot in my butt from a very young male nurse and I was wearing see-through purple lace undies.

Rule for life in LC's house--the sexier the undies, the longer it's been since laundry was done. I guess I should be glad it hadn't been a few more days.

Holiday Madness

DH and I are cuddled up on the sofa this morning snorting and sniffling and piling up the snotty Kleenexes. How romantic!

We have been crazy busy since before Thanksgiving  and there is no end in sight. Thanksgiving was great, but we had lots of company which meant little downtime.  And every weekend through the end of the year is booked. 

Yesterday we finally got our Christmas tree and put up outdoor lights. Until then we had not a single decoration up (kind of funny, since we had Halloween decorations up for 6 weeks thanks to PS's late-September party).  It has become a yearly tradition to cut our own tree at a local tree farm, and the kids refused to give it up even it it meant waiting a while to get a tree.  I'm glad we stuck with our tradition, though--it was a beautiful day yesterday and we had a great time.

But the tree is still sitting in a bucket in the garage.  The twins had Caroling for Cans with their Girl Scout troop last night and DH and I attended his work party where I wore the very short dress and had a fabulous mashed potato martini (the most awesome martini evah for a carb lover). I guess today we'll be decorating indoors today.

This week the twins have their first orchestra concert, PS has a play and my mother (finger's crossed!) has her surgery. And I have about 5 work deadlines on Friday, but I think I have them all under control. And then we have symphony tickets next weekend, and more work parties and I still have some serious baking and shopping to do.  Oh boy!

In other news, our family pics turned out great--especially considering that we only had about a 20 minute window to work with.  In fact, we got so many good ones that I am now considering doing photo books instead of just a framed family photo for the grandparents for Christmas. Anybody have any recommendations for where to order?  It looks like I can order from just about anywhere, but I have no idea how the quality among the various retailers compares.  I'm also planning to order canvases, if anyone has ordered those before and can testify to the quality of a particular place.

I wish I could share them, but that would kinda kill the whole anony-blogger thing.  So you just get the rear view. (DH hates this pic--he says it looks like we're off the see the Wizard.)

The best laid plans...

For weeks we had our family pictures scheduled for yesterday. We wanted them before Christmas, and this was just about the only weekend we've had open since mid-October. So I had the photographer booked, scouted the perfect outdoor location, arranged to have my hair done, and shopped for coordinated but not matchy-matchy outfits.

And then I started feeling crappy.  A handful of drugs and a steamy shower allowed me to feel semi-humanoid.

And then the weather turned ugly.  Windy and misty--the perfect weather to ruin the fabulous hair that my stylist had just given me. My hair is naturally curly/frizzy--it does not agree with humidity.

But I already had everything booked, so we went forward. The photographer loved the location that I chose, and we were about 20 minutes in and getting great shots when the skies opened up and we all got poured on.  That was the end of our session because we looked like a family of drowned rats.

She said she got some good shots, but she didn't know if there was a good family shot. Kind of a bummer since the family pic was supposed to be our Christmas gifts to our parents and grandparents.
We never got to a grouping of just the kids, but she got lots of individual pics of each.

She sent me 4 pics tonight--the group shots weren't great (it's always a challenge getting 5 people to look good at the same time), but there was a good one of DH and me and she said there were several more really good couple shots.  So I guess not all is lost.  I hate having my picture made, so there are very few pictures of me in existence, and DH and I haven't had a picture together since we were engaged--so over 16 years ago!

I can't wait to see the rest. Hopefully she got some good individual shots of the kids.

Oops

So I ordered this super-cute dress from Dorothy Perkins to wear to DH's work party.  I've never ordered from that site before, but they were running a sale when I ordered and  the price was worth the risk that the dress wouldn't fit.

It finally showed up today, and I ripped open the package and immediately went to try it on, half expecting it to be too small. Woohoo--it fits!!!

Except that it is REALLY short.  Like slutty short.  Like barely covering my girlie bits better make sure I get a wax before wearing short and don't sit or bend EVER short.

Of course, the measurements were provided on the website, but I didn't bother to  check the length.  It didn't look short on the mannequin, and since at 5'4" I'm on the shorter side, even dresses that look short on tall, slender models are usually ok for me.

So am I going to return it?

No. Even though I think I'm a bit too old to wear a dress this short.  But my legs are among my better assets, and the rest of the dress is conservative enough to offset the slutty shortness, I think. I will add black hose instead of going bare-legged, as was my original intent, though.

The quality was also better than expected for the price.  To get free shipping I threw in a pair of earrings and this cute little sweater, which also seems like decent quality for the price.

My Babies are Growing Up

So TT came to me last night and said that she really wanted to start shaving her legs. This kind of surprised me, since she's my tomboy.  I would have expected her girlie-girl twin to ask first. But as TT pointed out, she does wear shorts a lot. (The child practically lives in soccer shorts. She's always hot, and it was still in the 80's here this week. And she does have really hairy legs.)  Also, I kind of had to push PS to start shaving when she entered 7th grade, because I was afraid the other kids would make fun of her. (I was shaving well before 7th grade, but I remember skipping a week or so and then wearing a skirt and catching hell from a couple of asshole boys.)

I think I started shaving the summer before 5th grade, so this seems about right for TT.  I bought her an electric shaver, like I did for her older sister.  It works well enough for now, and she was excited about trying this new big girl thing. I can hear the shaver whirring away as I type. 

I'm sure SS will want to jump on the hairless bandwagon now that TT has started.  But Target only had one shaver on the shelf, so she'll have to wait a few days until I can get to the store again.

Poor girls, they don't realize that they've just set themselves up for a lifetime of shaving and stubble.

Meanwhile, I am seriously considering laser hair removal for my face.  I swear, I'm turning into a man with a full beard and I can barely keep up with the waxing and depilatories. And believe me, fair skin and dark hair is not a good combination.

Turkey Day

So I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year, for the first time since 2006 when  I was still in law school and my mother-in-law was still alive. I love Thanksgiving and generally love to host, but I've had some concerns about it causing more stress this year since there has been so much going on.

FIL and his wife are coming to town.  I have to admit I was more than a little relieved when I learned they would be staying in a hotel.  And I just learned that SIL and her family will be coming down Black Friday. It's been a while since we saw them, and we're looking forward to hanging out with our adorable little nephews.

Fortunately, the new housekeeper is working out great, and she will be here the Tuesday and Wednesday before Thanksgiving to make sure the house is company ready.  Having someone to maintain the chaos in the house has been a HUGE stress reliever. It's so much easier to relax in a clean house.

Local family is coming, too, so it looks like we will have 12 for dinner.  A reasonably sized crowd, although we have had about double that before. I've already bought my turkey and all of my nonperishables, and I've been testing out new recipes. I'm going to try brining the turkey this year, and then using my regular recipe.  I've never brined before, but I keep hearing that it's the best way to get a moist turkey. I guess we'll see.

And today I bought tickets for the Nutcracker for the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I have never seen it performed live. Every year I say I'm going to take the girls, but we never make it.  But I got an email today with a great deal on tickets to see a well-regarded production company at our beautiful new opera house.  I'm so excited!  It will be so much fun to get all dressed up and have a girls day out. (DH didn't have much interest in going with us.) It will be a lovely way to wrap up our Thanksgiving weekend.

Listamania: Things I love about my kids

1) They are funny. I had no idea how much I would laugh once I had kids.  When they were little, they made me laugh with silly little kid antics.  Now that all have witty, deadpan senses of humor.

2) They are good kids.  They are well-behaved and  people like them. I always get compliments from their teachers.

3) They are kind. They will stick up for someone who has been wronged. And they aren't mean girls-they are nice even to the kids who irritate them. I think the twins would be classified as popular. Of course, being a twin brings built-in popularity.  EVERYWHERE we go we hear "Hi SS, Hi TT!!!"

4) They like to hang out with their family.  I guess this surprises me, because I was always hiding in my room with a book.  But they love it when we have family movie nights or game nights.  And often, we are all hanging out in the same room, even if it means that we are all on different computers with a tv blaring in the background. I love being lumped together on the couch like a pile of puppies!

5) Each is her own person.  PS won't do anything just because someone else is doing it. She could not care less that every other kid in her school lives in their Abercrombie shirts and Toms shoes. And the twins may look exactly alike, but their personalities are completely different. It is very clear which twin takes after me and which one takes after DH.  One is laid-back and goes with the flow.  The other is high-strung and bossy. One loves to wear dresses and jewelery and carries a purse everywhere with her blinged-out cell phone in it.  The other lives in soccer shorts and the rattiest t-shirts she can dig up, and hates skirts.

Hip to Be Square

Thank goodness it's the weekend. After being out of town last weekend,  I feel like I have been going, going, going for two weeks now.  I'm really looking forward to some downtime, although I am going to have to spend some quality time at the office at some point.

So I finally got an answer out of the doctor regarding when my mother's custom hip implant would be ready.  December fucking 12. Thank you Biomet. No, they haven't given me any reasonable explanation for why it takes 3.5 MONTHS to make a custom hip implant. It is beyond ridiculous.

No, the doctor did not ever advise us at any point that it would take 3.5 months for this part to be made.  We were told the second half of the surgery would be in 8 weeks--NOT 15!

I am not happy, but I don't think there's much I can do about it, at least not right now. I really believe that Biomet dropped the ball somewhere along the way.  And the lack of communication from the surgeon is appalling.  In typical surgeon fashion, he just wants to cut and has no interest in patient care. But by all accounts, he is the very best at this specialized surgery, so I am treading carefully so that I don't piss him off.

Meanwhile, she has run out of time on her insurance.  They are telling her she needs to move out this week--just when we learn it will be another month.  The rehab facility keeps asking her why she can't go home with me--and she asked me about it this week. This is an asinine question.  SHE CAN'T GET OUT OF BED!!!  She is completely non-weight bearing on both legs. A physical therapist or nurse has to move her from her bed to a chair on a board. She has been injured twice by professionals trying to move her.  She can't transfer to a toilet.  She would require in-home care at least 16 hours a day. A wheelchair won't fit through my doorways--she would be living in my living room or dining room. And for my own sanity:  I already have 3 kids to take care of; I'm gone at least 12 hours a day; I'm not going to force my husband and children to take on this responsibility; I am stretched as far as I can be stretched right now moving her here would undoubtedly break me.

The uninsured per diem to remain where she is is $170/day.  That's about $5000/month.  I'm certain she has access to $5K, so it's not like I'm forcing her on the street by telling her that she can't stay here.

Not to mention that home care would cost close to that $170/day, if not more.  And it doesn't cover room and board and food and laundry service and a full professional staff.

It was just beyond her comprehension that she might have to pay something out of pocket after she has been in rehab for 2.5 months. But after telling her that moving in with me is not an option, and breaking down the finances, I think it is getting through to her.

Boy, I wish they'd get that new hip in.

Vegas, baby

So, since my blog has taken a turn for the whiny of late, I will tell you about my trip to Vegas, which was really nice and lots of fun.

I've mentioned before that I don't really love Vegas.  I've been once before, and my strongest memories were of inflamed sinuses from the cigarette smoke and the whore peddlers handing out trading cards on the street.  Yeah, those things were still there.  The cigarette smoke is pervasive, and I felt vaguely headachey the entire time we were there because of it. I guess the good news is that it kept us out of the casinos.  I'm not really a gambler anyway, but I was not inclined to spend any time sitting in a haze of smoke while losing my money.

But other than that, I really enjoyed our trip, and I think a weekend is just the right amount of time to spend there. 

We stayed in the Bellagio, which is fantastic.  Our room was gorgeous and I wanted to bring the entire bathroom back home with me.

We saw three shows while we were there: Love, Absinthe and Mystere.  Love was really the reason for the trip and it did not disappoint.  It was simply fantastic.  If you are a Beatles fan it is a must-see. There was so much going on that I would go see this show again just to catch everything I missed the first time around.

I'd heard that Love is different from the typical Cirque show, and some people don't care for  it because it is more about the music than the acrobatics.  So we made a last minute decision to see Mystere when we found discount tickets--just so we could experience a classic Cirque show (because we had never seen any Cirque shows before this trip). 

I really did not care for Mystere. I thought both of the other shows that we saw were infinitely better. I can't put my finger on why I didn't care for it.  It was weird and abstract--but so was Love.  The Love music was definitely better.  The Mystere music felt a bit dated.  There is a bit with a giant baby in Mystere that I just thought was dumb.

Finally, Absinthe. It is a fairly new show in  a tent in front of Ceasar's.  We had heard about it before we left and were interested but didn't know if we would have time to see it.  But on our first night we were walking by and tickets were available, so we made the spontaneous decision to check it out.

Absinthe is vulgar, obscene, offensive and fantastic. We both really liked it (DH said more than LOVE--and he is the Beatles fan!--but I would probably put it right behind Love.) If you are offended by racial or sexual humor, don't see this show--it is really, really offensive to people of all races, colors and sexual orientation.  And multiply the Hangover 2 by 10 to understand the obscenity.  But it was really funny, and the athleticism of the performers was amazing.  There was a tiny 10 foot diameter stage, and it was astonishing what the performers could accomplish there.  It's also a very small venue--we were only 3 rows back--and I doubt there was a bad seat in the house.  I highly recommend Absinthe, with the caveat that it is offensive and if you are sensitive you should skip it (and definitely do not take your grandmother).

Other than shows, we shopped, we ate, we wandered around.  The spiked milkshakes at BLT Burger in the Mirage are definitely worth checking out, but I thought the food was mediocre.  The service at Cabo Wabo in Planet Hollywood was the worst I have ever encountered anywhere. The breakfast buffet at Bellagio was eh--nothing was warm, hard to justify the price. Room service was cheaper--and I do love eating in bed in a hotel room! Didn't try any high end restaurants--fancy food is not really out thing.

I'm glad to be back home and I think I can wait another 8 years to go back. By Sunday afternoon , we were both kind of bored. But I'm glad we went--it was a much needed, relaxing weekend.

My Life is a Roller Coaster a/k/a All Hell is Breaking Loose...Again

I got up at 5:45 this morning to make my 8:45 flight back home from Vegas (DH is there until Wednesday for his conference).  Made it to my office by 2:30.  At 3:45 TT texted me that she had a fever and wasn't feeling well.  At 4:00 the power went out in my building, so by 4:30 I had packed up and was heading home.

Got home and rechecked the kid's temp.  Yep, definitely a fever.  Got online for web check-in at urgent care.  Then PS told me that there was a hole in the fence and they had to supervise Bob every time he goes outside.  So I went to fix the fence while I waited for urgent care to call back with my appointment time.

I totally suck at fixing fences.  I broke at least 5 nails in half, bent about 8 more, and it took me entirely too long to replace two pickets.  I was cursing DH for leaving me with this crappy fence (that we are about to replace, we are just waiting for his dad to bring down a nail gun at Thanksgiving), but I eventually got the job done.  Then realized an hour had passed and urgent care had never called.  Called them, they had no record of my web check in, but said to come on down.

Of course we had to wait 30 minutes to be seen. Doc confirmed strep (no surprise, since SS had strep a week ago) and gave us a prescription for a Z-pack. Meanwhile, huge thunderstorms rolled in.  Because DH is still in Vegas, PS and SS were home alone and I was worried that they would get scared or the power would go out, but neither would answer their phones!

I headed to Kroger in the pouring rain to get the scrip filled and yelled at the punk high school who whipped around in front of me to turn into the opposite slanted parking spot (the one that was slanted in my direction).

Inside I found that Kroger had just had a power surge and most of their computers weren't working.  They couldn't process my insurance or my credit card.  But Kroger awesomely estimated my insurance payment (and I know it was right because I got the same scrip for TT last week) and I, fortunately, had cash on hand.

Headed out and stopped by Sonic per TT's request for a milkshake. Her sisters finally called back and proclaimed they were starving (it was 8:00  by then and I hadn't made dinner yet).  Ordered dinner and then realized that my wallet was nowhere to be found. Frantically called the pharmacy which confirmed that they had my wallet.  And, since I have a habit of sticking cash in the various nooks and crannies of my giant Mary Poppins bag, I had enough to cover the food I had just ordered.

Left Sonic and headed back to Kroger.  TT said, "hey, did you get my shake?"  No, I forgot all about the shake--the whole purpose of going to Sonic for my poor sick girl with a sore throat.

Back to Kroger for my wallet, then back to Sonic for the shake.  Finally made it back home at 8:30, exhausted.

Texted housekeeper to see if she could come in early and stay with TT tomorrow (if she was even willing to deal with sick kid) but she is sick, too. I need to go to work tomorrow, since I only worked a couple of hours on Friday and Monday, but it doesn't look like it's meant to be. 

in less chaotic news, all of my crises from last week resolved themselves. The dishwasher did turn out to be related to the garbage disposal (no, I didn't say " I told you so" but I did say " you should listen to your wife, there are people who pay lots of money for her opinion.") And  Friday afternoon the court granted my motion to continue the hearing that was set for tomorrow.  And I quashed all of my upcoming depositions except one  in response to a pleading filed by an opposing party on Thursday--so my schedule for the next two weeks pretty much cleared out.

Lets hope life stays calm at least until Thursday when DH is back and can help out. I am a wee bit bitter that he is still living it up  in Vegas while I am back to the circus that is our life.

Bitchfest

I am feeling like a rubber band that just keeps getting stretched farther and farther.  You can see the cracks developing and you know its gonna break, it's just a matter of when.

Today PS texted me, "There is water spewing from the thing at the top of the sink and it is getting on the hardwoods." Grrr-eat! Fortunately, she's a smart girl and knew that was a vent for the dishwasher, so she turned off the dishwasher and cleaned up the mess before it ruined the floor.

Two days ago I looked under the kitchen sink and noticed it smelled musty.  Upon further inspection I found that the garbage disposal was dripping nasty water and there was quite a puddle and a couple of inches of putrid water in a vase that happened to be conveniently placed.

DH replaced the garbage disposal last night so I figured that today's issue was probably related to his installation.  He vehemently disagreed, and I honestly can't see the connection between the dishwasher and the garbage disposal when I look at the pipes under the sink, so I guess he's off the hook.  Except that he's still the one who gets to figure out what the heck is going on with the dishwasher.And during his inspection tonight he accidentally pulled loose a hose and backed-up water flooded my kitchen and the hardwoods in the connected living room.

And this is all most inconveniently timed.  We are both leaving for Vegas on Friday.  My brother is coming down to visit our mother and look after my girls.  I do not want to leave him in a house with an f'd up dishwasher or garbage disposal.  I also don't want to go buy a dishwasher because it would come out of my Vegas money. And I don't really have the time to deal with any of this. Arrrghhhh!

This stupid trip is causing more stress than it's worth.  If it wasn't nonrefundably paid for I think I'd cancel.




I return early Monday afternoon so that I can get in a half day's work.  I have a hearing* on Tuesday, depositions on Wednesday and Thursday, a full day client meeting to prepare for his deposition the following Monday, followed my more depositions the next Wednesday and Thursday. Meanwhile, DH is out of town until Wednesday night--and PS has a play Wednesday night.

Two different named partners have had me on two different monster memos for the last week and a half, so I haven't had time to prepare for anything coming up in the next two weeks. 

And yesterday I started working on an MSJ and Shepardizing a recent MSJ on the same topic when I found that the state supreme court issued an opinion last week that overturned existing law and completely obliterated the affirmative defense that was the basis of my MSJ.  This case is specific to the industry in which 99% of my firm's practice is based and has significant ramifications for most of our clients. So I took it upon  myself to brief the opinion and send it out to all of my partners. 

Do I get a "Wow, thanks LC.  It's a good thing you told us about this case cuz its pretty important to our clients."  Um, no (because I don't live in a fairy tale world where partners actually say thank you). I get, "Did you add this memo to our research database?  What search terms did you use? (Economic loss because its about the economic loss rule, duh!)  You know it's important to guess which search terms other people might use and not just enter the terms that come logically to you. (So, I'm supposed to use my Spidey-sense to know what random ass search term you are going to enter when you are looking for that supreme court case on the economic loss rule?)"  I was fine without a thank you, but that conversation irritated me.

And then I got, "By the way, please send me the contact information for all of the attorneys who handled that case."  That REALLY irritated me.  Because a secretary totally couldn't do that, right?  It took an enormous amount of self-control not to pop off with a smart ass comment that probably would have gotten me fired.

Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive because I'm stressed. I've been on the verge of tears a lot lately.  That's not really my thing. I definitely need more control over my life.


*And by hearing, I mean a trial on appeal from an administrative decision.  So I have to put on witnesses and introduce evidence and pick a jury.  I have a pending motion for continuance, but the court hasn't ruled yet.

Listamania: These are a few of my favorite things

No, I'm not naming my husband and kids--we already know they are my favorite things.  This list is a little more shallow than that.

1) 80's sitcoms. My fave's are Growing Pains, Who's the Boss and Family Ties.  I think those are indicative of my crappy childhood and the fact that I loved watching the idyllic perfect families. (Although, oddly, the Cosby Show was never one of my faves). Other favorites are Facts of Life and Golden Girls.  My freshman year of college all of my dormmates used to watch Golden Girls and Designing Women every night.

2) My new super comfy blanket from Costco. I'm not sure DH loves it, though, since I won't share with him.

3) Cinnamon Roll Cake.  Seriously the best cake I have ever made.

4) Margaritas.  Pretty much the only cocktail I ever order.

5) Fantastic shoes. I have a boring, conservative work wardrobe, but I love spicing it up with great shoes.

6) Traveling. We never took vacations as a kid, and I love getting to explore new places and the extra time with my family.

7) Snuggling on the couch with my cozy blanket and a good book on a dreary day.

Happy Halloween!

From my creepy creatures to yours!

Listamania: Rules for Life

1) Always be nice to everyone. Especially the people who seem to need it the most. You never know what someone else is going through.

2) Always convert to pdf, unless you are making a conscientious decision not to. It just makes life easier on everybody.

3) If you have to qualify your statement(e.g. not to be rude, but...) you probably need to rethink whether that statement really needs to be made.

4) Never let a man hit you. The first time should be the last time.

5) Never depend on a man to take care of you.  Be able to take care of yourself. (This one came from my 80 year old great-grandmother when I was in high school.)

The Most Dreaded Word an Associate Can Hear from a Partner

"I know there's a case..."

And thus begins the chase for the ethereal case that may or may not actually exist and definitely will not exist in the jurisdiction that the partner is certain it hails from.

Oh boy

Thank goodness I had a nice, relaxing weekend to prepare for today.

My day started with an emergency research project that I was happy to get.  I like research and haven't done much lately.

And then my mother's doctor's office called to let us know that her surgery is indefinitely postponed because the custom implant that is being made for her is not ready yet.  What???  Nobody told us this two weeks ago when you scheduled her surgery and then sent us to the hospital for pre-admission where they dropped her and broke her femur. (It turned out that the fracture was not a cause to delay the surgery, but she had a urinary tract infection that delayed it for a week-or so we thought.)  Apparently there is a backlog on custom hip implants right now, and hers was especially complicated. 

It could be another month before the implant is ready.  Which means another month in rehab.  And it also puts the scheduling of the next surgery in a very hairy time for me.  I have about a zillion depositions and a couple of hearings in November.  And my firm has a huge trial starting January 3rd--I'm not on that trial team, but because we are a small firm I am definitely feeling the effects. 

And as soon as I got off the phone with the doc, I saw about 5 missed calls on my cell.  Apparently SS started running a fever at school, and DH had to go get her. Looks like strep. She will be out again tomorrow, so DH and I will have to paper-scissors-rock to see who gets to stay home.  But I loaded up all of my research, just in case.  This week, at least, I don't have a lot going on and research projects are pretty portable.

And I talked to my brother, who is coming in down in 2 weeks when DH and I go to Vegas.  This trip was planned months ago--long before my mother's surgeries.  He is being sent to a convention by his employer.  We decided to take advantage of the subsidized airfare and hotel and fly in the weekend before for a quick getaway.  But right now this getaway is just causing more stress.

I kind of thought I would have to cancel when my mother's issues popped up--but then my brother mentioned that he was thinking of coming down that weekend.  I talked him into watching my kids in exchange for gas and groceries, and it seemed too perfect not to go forward.  Someone will be here if anything comes with out mother, and I still get to take my already paid for trip.

But he will have his 4 plus my 3 girls to deal with--ages 15, 14, 13(2), 10(2) and 8.    The good news is that he teaches middle school, so he is used to dealing with lots of screaming teenagers--and all of out kids are pretty easy to deal with. But I may have to send him on his own trip to Vegas after that!

Nice Weekend

This was the most stress-less weekend we have had in a while, and it was nice. I feel so much more ready for Monday than I usually do.

Saturday I interviewed a housekeeper, and I plan to offer her the position as long as her references come back ok. She is already working part-time for another attorney, so she would just alternate days working for the two of us. I really liked her, and I really hope this works out. I think controlling the chaos in my house is a big step toward controlling the feeling of constant chaos in my life.

After I finished up the interview we went to the library and the pumpkin patch where we loaded up on way too many books and picked out a family of pumpkins to carve next weekend. And (bonus!) the worker there was incredulous that DH and I could be old enough to be the parents of out kids.

That evening, out former nanny came by for a visit.  She left for college in the fall, and we were so sad to see her go.  The kids were thrilled to see her again, and it was a really nice visit.

We ended the day watching baseball, while I sewed Girl Scout patches. 56 badges and patches, to be exact. PS said, "well, maybe now you will keep up with sewing the badges on."  Thanks a lot!  But I have been a slacker--we've had most of these for a long time. However, I did find it ironic that I was sewing on the twins' sewing badges. (But the badges are all circular and the invisible thread was a PITA to work with, so I don't think they could have handled it.)

Today I slept in until 9--that never, ever happens.  It is almost physically impossible for me to sleep past 7. I arose to find DH and the twins sprawled out all over the living room reading books.  And so I joined them, and that is where we stayed for the next couple of hours.

We eventually wandered upstairs, where I continued with the badge sewing while watching the old and new versions of Charlie/Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. We all just kind of hung out in the game room, watching movies we've all seen about a thousand times and playing on our computers.  It was nice.

We totally skipped visiting my mother this weekend.  She called on Friday and offered a "free pass" for the weekend.  I didn't really think she meant it, and wasn't really planning on taking her up on it, but it was so nice to not have to go anywhere today.

Now I'm ready for another week.

Lawyer Happiness

I spent all morning in a difficult, technical deposition of a professional expert.  The expert is an engineer and the questions involved complex mathematical concepts well-beyond my remedial math capabilities. I insisted that my client, also an engineer, be present for this deposition so that he could assist if the deponent got too technical with his answers.  Which also means that the client was present to critique my skill as a lawyer and my understanding of these technical concepts.

So it really made my day when I got home and found an email from my client telling me that I did a great job today.  Compliments are few and far between from paying clients, and this one in particular is the curmudgeonly sort. Plus, when he hired me he told me that he was deciding between our firm and another lawyer who is also an engineer.  I assured him that even though I wasn't an engineer I could handle the job, and it was nice to be able to prove it.

Seriously???

My mother is still wheelchair bound and still in rehab.  She cannot stand at all.  The only way she can transfer from her bed to the wheelchair is by sliding on a board.  Getting her from one place to another is no easy task.  Neither are bathroom activities.  There is no way that someone who is not properly trained can move her at all.

Yesterday I accompanied my mother to visit her doctor for a check up and to schedule her surgery.  Of course, they wanted to take a take an x-ray.  It was a major ordeal that took three nurses to move her from the wheelchair to the x-ray table and back again.

The x-ray revealed that the temporary spacer was out of socket. This seemed like not a good thing, but the PA didn't seem too concerned since it was only a temporary part and she wasn't supposed to be putting weight on it anyway.

So we scheduled her surgery for next Tuesday, which made us both happy. (Yes, she is driving me crazy, but that's another post.) She should be able to go home a couple of weeks after the surgery.

Today we went to the hospital for pre-registration and to get her labs done. One of the labs ordered was a urinalysis. This presented a problem, because she cannot transfer from her wheelchair to a toilet. I asked if the urinalysis was really necessary.  The nurse called the doctor's office, which confirmed that they needed the urinalysis. The nurses discussed how they were going to get this sample.  A catheter was discussed, but they didn't have an order for a catheter. So they asked my mother if she thought she could transfer onto a toilet with help.  She said she would rather try that than a catheter.

And so the two nurses carried her into another room, and I waited right outside.  After a few minutes I heard her scream.  And a couple minutes later they brought her out crying.  She said that they had shifted all of her weight onto her bad leg and that it really hurt. I had no doubt that it hurt since the hip wasn't in the socket.  But they were done with her, so I took her outside to be picked up by the transport service.  She seemed ok by the time she left, and I headed on to the office.

She called a couple of hours later in tears, saying that the pain was excruciating and the nurse at the rehab facility wanted to talk to me.  The nurse asked me to come in and sign a statement about what happened at the hospital.  I refused--it was clear they were in CYA mode, and I felt no obligation to help them--particularly since she was in their care when her hip was knocked out of socket.

She called again mid-afternoon to tell me her pain meds had kicked in and she was feeling better. But the rehab facility had done x-rays and her femur is broken.  WTF?  I did not see this coming.  I was sure the pain was because the hip was out of socket.  The damn hip replacement that she is supposed to have installed on Tuesday is attached to the femur!!! I have no idea what this means for her surgery.  Of course, the rehab facility couldn't reach her doctor by the time they figured all of this out, but they are going to try to get her an appointment first thing in the morning.

And , of course, she is looking to me for answers. But I told her that if I go lawyer on the doctor and hospital there is no way they're going to touch her again, and she really needs this surgery.  Her doctor is supposed to be the best in this area at this specialized hip replacement--that's why she's here, she couldn't find anybody in Hometown who would do the surgery.

I'm not sure how to proceed at this point.  First, I want to hear from her doctor.  But if her surgery is delayed, I think the hospital sure as hell needs to be picking up the tab for the extra days in rehab. With some mental anguish thrown in.  And I think the doctor bears some responsibility for demanding a probably unnecessary test without properly considering her mobility issues.

I guess we'll just see what tomorrow brings.  But I'm anticipating that the surgeon won't do the hip replacement until the femur heals, which could mean several extra weeks in rehab. We might be needing a plaintiff's lawyer--although with the tort reform laws in my state, it's hard to find someone who will take a med mal case.

Listamania: Things that irritate me

1) Smokers.  Especially those who throw their butts out their car windows.  And the ones who smoke in the car with their kids.  And the ones who smoke in places that force me to walk through their cloud of carcinogens to get wherever I am going.

2) Left Lane Squatters.  The left lane is for passing.  If you're not passing anybody, get the Hell out of the way.

3) Able-bodied people who take the elevator up one level.  Really, you probably need the exercise anyway.

4) Able-bodied people who block the flow of traffic in a parking lot so that they can park 10 feet from the door.  See No. 3, above.

5) Costco.  I love Costco, but the fact that you have to have a card to get into their super-secret club is stupid. And when you go to check out and they ask you if you have your card. What the hell do they think?  I had to have the damn card to get in the damn door.  And when receipt checker  comments on the things in my cart. What if I have something embarrassing in there?  I would really prefer she act ambivalent about what's in my cart. Today, the receipt-checker felt up the super-soft blanket that I bought.  Don't feel up my blankie--it's creepy!

The Tooth Fairy

This morning a very sad TT came downstairs to tell us that the Tooth Fairy did not come last night.  She still had her tooth and she didn't have any money.  Oops.  DH and I both completely forgot.  She lost the tooth while at PS's robotics competition yesterday afternoon, so there was a lot going on, and she didn't say much more about it the rest of the day. But still, parent fail.

And my kids are too old and too smart to believe in the Tooth Fairy. I told TT this morning that maybe the Tooth Fairy hid the money in her room and she needed to clean her room to find her money. She replied that I was just trying to trick her into cleaning her room.

I am 100% sure that they do not actually believe in the Tooth Fairy.  But we still pretend that they do. TT was bummed this morning, and I really just wanted to hand over a dollar and tell her to move on.  But I didn't--instead I made up excuses for the Tooth Fairy. I'm not sure why.  I guess because I felt like we sold out Santa too early with PS.  When she was about 7 she asked point blank about Santa.  I didn't want to lie to her, so I told her.  I really wish I had fibbed and let her hold onto the Santa magic a little bit longer.

I have no intention about coming clean about Santa to the twins. (Yeah, I know they've figured him out, too--but Santa make Christmas fun, and he brings gifts that mom would never buy.). But the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny--I would be ok if they would hop on along their merry way.

Sickie McSickerson

So the school called yesterday to inform me that TT had vomited and that I needed to retrieve her. The nurse said that there was a virus going around ad it looked like TT had it.  She looked terrible when I picked her up, but there was no more vomiting and she perked up within a couple of hours.  But the rule is that you can't return to school for 24 hours after you barf, so despite the fact that TT is exhibiting no evidence of yesterday's ailment, we are home again today.

And SS awoke complaining of a headache  and a stomachache.  She wasn't acting very sick, but I erred on the side of not exposing anyone else to the alleged virus and allowed her to stay home, too.

Now they are both acting perfectly fine and making demands under the guise of being sick. "Mommy, will you make me pancakes?" "Mommy, will you bring me a glass of water." "Mommy, will you turn the light on?" "Mommy, can you find the remote?" And I am accommodating them and appreciating this bit of stolen time with my girlies.

But I am going to make them do their homework in a little bit.

Listamania: Things I love about fall

I'm trying something new and different--a weekly post called Listamania. It will be a list (duh) based on whatever topic pops into my head.

1) Cooler weather

2) Carving Pumpkins

3) Roasting pumpkin seeds

4) Thanksgiving--the best holiday!

5) Wearing sweaters and boots

6) Football (but only my teams and preferably live)

7) Cooking big pots of soup, pot roasts and chicken pot pie (I am very seasonal with food and don't eat any of these things when it's hot outside)

8) Snuggling under the covers during cool fall nights

9) Honeycrisp apples

Listamania: Things I want

In no particular order and with no deep, meaningful issues (like world peace) considered:

1) A custom header for my blog.

2) This skirt. Oh yes, in pink.

3) A tummy tuck.  I've given birth to twins--enough said.

4) Less chaos in my life.

5) My job, but where I get home in time to pick my girls up from school and cook dinner.  And where I have time to take all the vacations I want. But I don't want to be a mommy-tracker or a part-timer.

6) Magical cleaning fairies. I'm trying to hire a housekeeper, but so far the hunt isn't going very well.

7) For all of my student loans to be paid off.




8) The new iphone--kinda.  I need a new phone, but I'm waiting to see the consensus on the 4S before ordering.

9) To lose 20 (cough30cough) pounds.

10) A shorter commute. 25 miles of city traffic each way sucks--but I have no choice if I want affordable housing and good schools. But I swear, when my kids grow up I'm going to live in a loft in the city.

Zombies

At PS's request we visited the temporary Halloween shop that recently opened.  We visited when we were shopping for PS's part, but it had just opened and wasn't really set up yet. On this visit, they were all ready for Halloween.  The store was fully stocked and there were creepy scenes set up everywhere.  The centerpiece was a merry-go-round filled with zombie babies. At the back of the store were plenty of full-size zombies that moved and made noise and lit up.  And then there was a half-body being eaten by a giant rat with accompanying sounds and movement.  Yeah, it was disgusting.

But it was all pretend in a well-lit store full of people in the middle of the day.  So we laughed at the zombies and moved along.

And then last night TT came into our room twice because she couldn't sleep.  She can't stop thinking about the zombies. And tonight she has been out of bed three times and is currently in my bed. Oh boy.

TT is our most sensitive kid. The movie Coraline also gave her nightmares (one of PS's favorites!), so we are careful about what she is allowed to watch. And she frequently had night terrors when she was very young.  But I did not realize that visiting the Halloween store was going to freak her out.  I was more worried about her seeing the giant penis costume than the zombies.

Not sure how to fix this one.

Fatness

I seem to be getting fatter. I am not happy about this. Last winter I started gaining weight when I was exceptionally busy at work.  I was working lots of late nights, and eating crappy fast food on the way home from work. After gaining 10 pounds, I brought those bad habits to a screeching halt. I did nutrisystem for about 6 weeks, lost the weight I had gained, and reformed my eating habits.

I pretty much gave up soft drinks--down from a daily habit to maybe once a week. I drink water or iced tea.  I pretty much gave up french fries. They are now an occasional treat (although I met DH for lunch on Friday at a place that has fries drizzled with olive oil and rosemary, O.M.G!) I no longer eat fast food at 9:00 at night--I keep food at work for late nights or I wait until I get home.  My freezer is stocked with food, so that our eating out in general is greatly reduced. I make sure I have protein for breakfast, which makes me feel fuller so I don't eat bad carby crap. I take fruit to work every day for a mid-afternoon snack instead of relying on the carby crap that is stocked in our kitchen.

And yet, I am getting fatter again.  WTF? So much for small lifestyle changes making a difference. I guess I need to start keeping a food diary, but it is so much work. Grumble.

I Am the Queen of Cool

DH went for a run tonight and I went along on his bike. It was dark when we left (because it was 99 here today). Of course I can cover a lot more ground on a bike than he can on foot,  so every once in a while I would loop around a block and then catch back up with him.

So he was running down a long road, and I did a loop and then did not see him when I came back to the road.  Finally I caught a glimpse of his iPod bouncing  along a couple hundred feet away.  He had turned at the end of the road and was headed back toward me. So I looped around behind him and caught up even to him while he puffed along.  I was kind of surprised he didn't say anything, and I sustained my trash talking (ahem, personal training) because there were a couple of walkers just a few feet away.  So I just kept pace with him for a couple of minutes, moving so slowly on the bike I was barely staying upright.

Then he looked over at me. And I realized that the guy in the white shirt and black shorts with an iPod in an armband was not my husband. Oh crap! I took off pedaling as fast as I could without saying a word! I was mortified, and the poor guy probably thinks I'm some crazy stalker-biker lady.

And then I could not find my real DH after that.  I  rolled around the neighborhood for a while (praying I didn't run into the DH doppelganger again) eventually just headed home so I could call DH and explain why I abandoned him.

Teenagers

I'm having trouble believing that I am now the mom of a teenager. I don't feel old enough to have a teenager.

As much as I would like to get away from the birthday parties, the benefit is that it gives me the opportunity to spend some time with the kids' friends. I really like the group of friends that she has developed over the last couple of years.  There were only a couple of carry-overs from elementary school--most were newly found when she started middle school last year.And there were definitely a couple from elementary school that I wasn't sad to see drift away.  But the girls she hangs out with now all seem like genuinely good kids (and I guess they are, every single one of them was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society along with PS tonight). There was no  drama or over-the-top craziness at her party.  Everyone got along and seemed to have a really good time. 

But even among her friends, PS is different.  They are all still giggly girls who squeal and hug and play with each other's hair and smush together like puppies on the sofa.  That is so not PS. No squealing, no smushing, definitely no hair touching (last year, when she was in cheer, she often complained, "Mom, the cheerleaders keep trying to fix my hair.") She is physically smaller than the rest of them--several inches shorter than most. And they have all started developing while she is not. At all. She doesn't wear make-up or flat iron her hair like the rest. (Is all this because I let her skip a grade and she is the youngest? Maybe. But I think she would still be among the smallest.  And I had no hint of boobs until I turned 16.) But she seems to be doing ok socially, even if she is the most restrained and self-conscious in her group. And I am a-ok with her looking younger if it keeps the boy issues at bay for a while. (Although we did have a boy at the party! Just one--a friend of the entire group.  Definitely no romance issues that I could detect.)

But boy, when I see other kids her age, I start to freak out a little.  At the NJHS induction tonight, several of her classmates looked and dressed like college students.  A few had on skin-tight skirts that barely covered their naughty bits and left me wondering what on earth their mothers were thinking. Several more were wearing heels (that they did not know how to walk in.)  They just all looked to grown up.  And then there was tiny PS.

It will be interesting to see how she changes over the next couple of years.  Will she always be one of those girls who's just not into hair and makeup--or will she grown into it?  And how different will her sisters be?  They are definitely more the huggy, squealy, puppy piling types. 

Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything...

This was an exceptionally busy week. I had a hearing on Tuesday and a mediation of Friday (my first solo!) and in between my bosses were demanding deadlines on new projects by the end of the week--which  made for some very late nights for me. Everyone in the office was swamped and the Big Bosses were becoming visibly agitated at having to compete with one another for assistance with their matters.

On Tuesday the moved my mother, which was definitely a positive thing, but I had to work in a couple of trips to bring her new things that she needed, which added to the chaos.

And then there was PS's birthday and the party. Lesson learned: never try to plan a murder mystery party in two weeks. Especially when you have an unpredictable job that could explode at any moment. I had gone shopping the weekend before, but I had to do pretty much everything else on Friday night and Saturday morning. It was A LOT of work.

I had originally planned to try to make a cake, or, more specifically cake pops, in a shore fit of lunacy in which I forgot that I am completely incapable of decorating anything. My test batch of cake pops last weekend were too wet so they wouldn't stay on the stick and looked like delicious little balls of bird gak.

By Friday it was crystal clear that there was no way in heck I was going to be baking anything, and I had resigned myself to picking up a cake from Costco.  But then a friend called and I was venting about how much I had to do and she said, "I can help! Just let me know what you need.  I can come over, I can do food, I can do the cake." (I have given this friend a lot of free legal services lately, and I think she really wanted a way to pay me back.)

And so I said, "Can you make a Jack Skellington cake?" Thinking something like this:

And she made the most awesome Jack Skellington cake I have ever seen that must have taken more hours than I can possibly imagine:

Yay!  She was a huge life saver!

And then about 5:00 Friday night, my brother called to tell me he decided to come down.  He was originally coming this weekend, and then he called last week to say he couldn't and then he called Friday night to say he changed his mind again. So that added to the chaos a bit more.

Saturday morning, DH drove PS to a robotics competition 45 miles away, so I didn't have them to help out. My brother went to see my mom, but at least he took all of the other kids with him, so they weren't underfoot while I was cooking and cleaning and decorating and costume making and murder mystery clue assembling.

I don't know how we managed, but somehow we pulled it all off. The house looked hauntingly awesome, the kids managed their own make-up for their costumes, the food came together, and all of the kids claimed to have a great time.

Since it was a murder mystery party, DH made a backdrop for mug shots to take all of the kids pics as they arrived.  We had prints made while the mystery was being unraveled and gave all of the kids a book of their mug shots as party favors:

The party was a success, and I am exhausted. I swear I'm going to spend the entire day in my PJ's catching up on the new television shows that start this week. Definitely time to recharge.

Slutty Sailors and Mad Scientists

So, I totally spoke too soon with my last post.  Being away from the office for a day put me behind on everything, and all hell broke loose as soon as I returned. 

Advice for young attorneys: don't count your settlements before they hatch. Cases I though were all wrapped up started unraveling, parties started defaulting on already settled cases, clients I haven't heard from in months suddenly needed me, and Big Boss started bringing me in on a big case that is suddenly moving very fast. And I had two deadlines that I had uncharacteristically procrastinated on meeting to deal with. 

Oh yes, and in the middle of it all, my mother's case manager informed me that they were planning to move her this week to another care facility.  It's a long, convoluted explanation about insurance. The new facility is a lower level of care (not acute care, where she has been), which is where I wanted to put her in the first place, but was told she could not for a multitude of reasons that do not appear to me to have been resolved. But it seems like change will be a good thing, so I didn't really fight it.

They also decided, without consulting me, that the move would be today.  I had a hearing today*, so she was on her own for the move.

We visited last weekend so that we could un-decorate and bring back all of the stuff that she had accumulated in anticipation of the move. My aunt stopped in while we were there and told me that she thinks my mother is taking advantage of me because she is suddenly getting my attention after we have barely spoken for 5 years. It was nice feel validated by someone who knows our history. And hopefully it will make me feel less guilty when I don't have time to visit.

And, of course, in the middle of everything else, I am frantically trying to pull together PS's party.  Her character in the murder mystery is a mad scientist, and we have been looking everywhere for a reasonably-priced lab coat (I don't have time to order online without paying ridiculous expedited shipping charges).  The ones at the costume shop that just opened all have "clever"  names on the breast pocket like "Dr. Howie Feltersnatch" and "Dr. Seymore Bush."  Totally appropriate for a bunch of 13-year olds.

But I eventually found a slutty sailor costume on clearance (a short white dress with buttons) that I decided I could hack into a lab coat by shortening the sleeves and hem and repositioning the buttons. We'll just splatter it with a little blood and be all set.

*The hearing totally sucked. It was an administrative hearing--where a government agency gets to make up its own rules, not publish them anywhere, and apply them as it sees fit. The agency had taken a default after failing to provide notice of a previous hearing. Their position was that the agency is not required to provide notice of a hearing.  Um, seriously?  Thankfully, we are entitled to appeal and get a trial de novo in a real court.

Sickness and Murder

I am home with a sick kid today.  It's amazing how the child, who with tears in her eyes insisted that her throat hurt too much and she felt too bad to go to school, was miraculously healed enough to go play Mario Kart the moment I told her she didn't have to go to school.  And she just scarfed down the omelet I made for her and rewarded me with an enthusiastic "this is delicious!"

So in hindsight, it seems like she could have made it through school, but I guess we'll get a mommy/daughter day instead. Fortunately, today is a convenient day to be out of the office. The summer was painfully slow at work, and this month has picked up only a slightly steadier pace. The extended slowness is always a concern, but it is well timed for the crises in my personal life.

The issues with my mother are holding.  She is settled into the long-term care facility where, hopefully, she will stay until her next surgery. It is literally a two-minute drive from my office. The case manager mentioned that they would like to move her to another facility with a lower level of care (not acute) for insurance purposes, but I don't see that really happening as she is still completely bedridden.

She has made comments to my brother that she doesn't see very much of me.  But I have been there nearly every day since she was admitted.  On the days I wasn't there, someone else visited.  There have only been one or two days that she has had no visitors.  And I have taken her every, single thing she has asked for (with little thanks for it). Fortunately, I have moved past the point in my life where I need her approval.

In other news, plans for PS's murder mystery party are well under way.  We are having lots of fun planning menus and decorations. Our murder mystery is set in a haunted house, so we can go all Halloweeney. (Yes, it is a little early for a Halloween theme, but PS is a bit goth and somehow always manages to bring a bit of Halloween into her birthday parties.)

And my brother is planning to come down the same weekend to visit our mother.  PS is super excited that her cousins may get to attend her party.  I am too, but also a bit overwhelmed at hosting a party and house guests at the same time.

Where I Was on 9/11

The twins were about 6 weeks old. DH had left for work and I was dozing with the babies when he called and said, "Turn on the tv.  They are saying on the radio that a plane just hit the World Trade Center."

And I said, "You must have misheard.  That isn't possible." It was just so preposterous.

I turned on the television in our bedroom and confirmed that DH had not misheard.  I was watching as the second plane hit the second tower and was glued to the television for the rest of the day as the whole horrible scenario unfolded.

PS was not-quite three, and I remember putting the living room television on Blue's Clues and being oh so thankful that Nickelodeon was not interrupting its programming.  I stayed huddled in my bedroom with my infant twins, crying and wondering what kind of world I had just brought these babies into.

PS was surprisingly content to watch tv all day--maybe because we had strict limitations on how much television she was allowed to watch, or maybe because she sensed that something was wrong. The twins also seemed particularly easy to deal with that day.

Watching the memorial coverage this morning is hard.  Especially when they showed the segments about the kids who lost their parents. And the kids who never knew their fathers. Those kids are about the age of my twins and I can't imagine how different their lives would be if they never knew their dad.

Party Time

PS's birthday is three weeks away and her friends have started asking if she's going to have a party because last year's party was so much fun. One of them said that it would be really tough to top last year's scavenger hunt party, and I think she's right, so PS and I have been brainstorming for another awesome party idea.

I think we've decided upon a murder mystery party. When she floated the idea to her friends today they agreed that it sounded "awesome."  I've never been to a murder mystery party before, but it always sounded like lots of fun.

Now our challenge is just to find one that is teen appropriate.  There are a ton of places online to download kits, but they are all on websites that look like they were made in someone's basement in 1995, so I'm a bit hesitant to order.

So readers, has anyone bought a downloadable murder-mystery kit that you recommend?  Or have you played one of the boxed games? Any party tips?