......and for your penance....

Inspired by Bruvver Eccles and other commentators on my last post on Confession (or, Penance as
 Porta Caeli rightly states) here are some penances for traditional Catholics...

1. Dance around the sanctuary at the Offertory to the tune of 'The Snowman'

2. Embrace every member of the congregation at the kiss of peace (even the church cat)

3. Break into applause after Father's sermon

4. At the Pater Noster Our Father, hold your arms out as if trying to fly

5. Wear a Hawaian shirt and shorts to Mass, preferably accompanied by socks and sandals

6. Give your parish Welcomer a Maori greeting in response (it's only polite)

7. Admire Father's new rainbow polyester chasuble and refrain from asking if he has a matching maniple (what's a maniple?)

8. Read the complete works of Clifford Longley

9. Sing 'Shine, Jesus shine' as you stroll into your local pub or golf club

10. Agree with the parish council that they should organise a pilgrimage but refrain from suggesting Pyongyang as a destination

Preparation for the Sacrament of Confession

Use these notes to help you make a full and frank Confession.....

1. Have you wilfully attended a Latin Mass (aka an EF Mass) since your last confession? If so, how many times?

2. Did you kneel to receive Holy Communion and did you refuse to receive in the hand?

3. Have you been guilty of humming or singing hymns such as 'Faith of Our Fathers' or any hymn in Latin?

4. If you have read the Catechism or any works of Michael Davies or Anne Roche Muggeridge, remember to tell the priest.

5. Have you kept a guard upon your lips? Have you avoided using words such as 'Purgatory' and 'Fatima'?

6. Did you recite the Rosary on any occasion?

7. Have you addressed Jesus as 'Our Blessed Lord' or 'Jesus Christ our Saviour' on occasion?

8. Did you attend Benediction too often and have you avoided the occasion of 'Forty Hours' devotion?

9. Are you addicted to plainchant?

10. Were there any occasions when you genuflected in front of a tabernacle?