Metrodome Joins Vikings in Collapse

Holy cow! The Metrodome collapsed!

Hubert H. Humphrey Metrobowl, Minneapolis. The inflatable roof collapsed due to the weight of snow from this weekend's blizzard, which had dumped 17 inches on Minneapolis by Saturday evening. Image from KARE TV via CNN.

I say get out the utility knives, remove that roof, and play real football ball in the snow! Or just leave the roof where it is, rig up some ski-lifts, and let the kids sled in the Hubert H. Humphrey Snow Bowl all winter.

State Interp Concessions: Controversy, Class, and Capitalism

I had the pleasure of judging the South Dakota State Oral Interpretation Festival this weekend in Aberdeen. I also had the pleasure of chipping in to the Aberdeen speech boosters at their concession stand at Central High School:


Humor Dogs: cheese, yes, but surprisingly, no corn.

I did question the pricing of Humor Dogs over Drama Dogs; suggesting that Humor is worth more than Drama could lead to serious fisticuffs among some passionate interpers (with debaters cheering from the sidelines, twirling their pens).

I might have suggested renaming the Walking Taco to the Programmed Oratory Transition Step Taco.

But hey, what's that big ticket item at the bottom of the sign. Ties?


Sure enough! Neckties. Count on your local speech students, your noble interpers and debaters, to save the world for classy dress and capitalism.

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You can see all the 2010 State Interp medalists and team plaque winners on South Dakota Public Broadcasting's website. SDPB will also be posting videos of the Readers Theater performances, including (I hope!) Howard High School's remarkable readers theater translation of Pat Benatar's greatest hits.

Noem Campaign Finance Notes: Congrats, President Mork!

The Federal Election Commission has updated itemized campaign finance reports up to September 30. Among the surprises on Kristi Noem's individual door report: Madison Dairy Queen owner DeLon Mork is listed as President of South Dakota State University.

That's what David Chicoine gets for donating to Stephanie Herseth Sandlin.

Expect President Mork to move quickly to eliminate a major source of Blizzard™ competition by closing the SDSU Dairy Bar and all that ice cream socialism.

Census Grills Me Twice, But Not About Guns

I refuted last year the silly meme that the United States Census was coming to count your guns. (For an afternoon of entertainment, Google "Census" and "guns"... or just rent Red Dawn.)

A little more evidence: an agent of the federal government, cleverly disguised as a mild-mannered Midwestern woman (why isn't al-Qaeda this smart?), came to my door a couple weeks ago to administer a detailed survey to my wife and me about our house, education, income... all sorts of information! I received a callback message from a shy-sounding headset jockey with poor breath control (she paused to take a breath in the middle of my name). When I called back Sunday (Sunday! Uncle Sam works on Sunday!), a younger woman asked to take a few minutes to double-check the questions from the in-house survey. She even ingratiated herself to me when she read my name by mentioning she'd visited Heidelberg and loved the castle. I thought for sure she was just trying to lull me into surrendering details about my intricate home defense plans.

But no. Neither woman asked about guns, knives, booby traps, RPGs, or any other arguable Second-Amendment equipment that might be of interest to tyrants bent on oppression.

I could be wrong. This is South Dakota. Maybe the Census just assumes by default that we all have guns in our homes. I nonetheless await proof from anyone that the 2010 Census asked anyone about guns.

America's Grandma Tells Mama Grizzly to Stay in Alaska

I wonder what snarky Tweet Sarah Palin will have for former First Lady Barbara Bush, who tells Larry King what she thinks of the Alaska celebrity:



Mrs. Bush on Palin: "I sat next to her once, thought she was beautiful, and I think she's very happy in Alaska, and I hope she'll stay there."

Well. Mrs. Bush is clearly a dupe of the haters in the liberal media. I'll bet she didn't vote for Bristol's dancing, either. Revoke that woman's "Real American" card!

Update 2010.11.23 11:36 CST: And Glenn Beck responds by calling Barbara Bush "the oatmeal-box lady." For good measure, he calls George H. W. Bush "progressive." That's Plain apologia in a nutshell: lies and labels and not a lick of sense or respect.

Dakota War College Epitaph?

Pat Powers has deleted all of his old blog content, leaving a fairly big hole in the hyperlinked, multivocal social narrative known as the South Dakota Blogosphere. I may have a broader post-mortem later.

For the moment, though, let us heed the dearly departed's words on Yankton Media Inc's deletion of some online commentary:

Nothing like standing behind your words of hate, eh?

How completely chickensh*t.

—Pat Powers, "Sounds like the Vermillion newspaper hates Republicans. And Kristi Noem. And possibly most South Dakotans," Dakota War College, 2010.11.09

Daugaard Transition Team Online

Sibby's right: South Dakota actually elected a bunch of Obama Democrats. Just like Barack Hussein Obama in 2008, Governor-Elect Dennis Daugaard has set up a transition website. You can meet the dapper Mad Men (and Madison native and DSU English speech and theater grad Deb Bowman!) of the Daugaard transition team. You can even apply for a job in the Daugaard Administration.

Hmm... I wonder if the new governor would consider hiring an official state gadfly....

The Inauguration page is still "Coming soon!" Perfect spot for some public participation: set up a wiki, let folks revise at will the agenda for the January 8 event. I suggest a parade with a corps of tall men in plaid shirts performing synchronized drills with mailboxes. As they march by the reviewing stand, the plaid-mailbox corps can break out into an appropriately reworded songs from Oklahoma!: "So-o-o-o-uth Dakota! where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...."

Noem Fans the Chicken Meme

Three weeks later, the mainstream press finally picks up the story of Kristi Noem's chicken turn.

Bawk bawk bawk... break out the chicken suits, kids.

—Git in the truck, Kristi! We gotta head for the Hills!
—No, no, Josh! I don't wanna debate in Rapid City!
I'll lay another egg! Waaaah!

New Horsey Picture for Next Noem Ad

Just horsin' around: expect this photo to run in the next ad for equine-obsessed Congressional candidate Kristi Noem:

Vote for Kristi Noem
She likes horses, just like the Founding Fathers

That's not really Kristi. That's Vancouver BC singer Hannah Georgas. I heard her for the first time on CKUA today. Worth a listen!

Board OKs Madison New Gym, HS Renovations; Angles for Green Vote

The Madison Central School Board green-lighted (green-lit?) the new gym and high school renovations project at its regular meeting last night. The Madison Daily Leader also continued its campaign of spin and obfuscation, referring solely to "renovations" and "new space" and not once mentioning the biggest single item in the $16M package, the new gym.

The school board is clearly alarmed by the bad press here in the blogosphere. In an effort to stanch opposition and bring Madison's busiest blog on board with the project, architect Jeff Nelson is throwing an obvious bone to the green commentariat:

Jeff Nelson, Baldridge and Nelson president, told the board members that his firm could start working on a "full-blown package." He said that the package would include a complete floor plan and an energy study that would consider utility cost savings and possible renewable energy use, such as solar and wind generation [Chuck Clement, "Madison School Board Says Yes to Renovations," Madison Daily Leader, 2010.10.11].

Oh! Solar panels! Wind turbines! Well, I'm totally on board now. Forget I said anything bad about building a luxury gym or trying to hide this unnecessary project behind educational necessities. Slap a solar panel on top, and I'm all for it, right?

Actually, I wold be quite pleased to see our high school follow the City of Colton's lead and move toward energy self-sufficiency. But watch: someone will discover that the low thrum of the wind turbines would distract our Bulldog free-throw shooters, and then the turbines are out.

Katus Questions Cabin; Governor Says No Fat Cats, Just Mice

State Tresurer candidate Tom Katus is raising questions about favoritism in the use of the state-owned "Valhalla," Peter Norbeck's old Black Hills hideaway. Katus tells KELO he's concerned that Governor Rounds has been, shall we say, arbitrary in deciding which taxpayers get to use this public property and which ones don't. Governor Rounds fires right back:

"My strong suspicions [sic] is the big Republican heavy hitters have been in there either at no cost or subsidized by someone else or some big corporation is paying for, you know, some of their buddies to be in there," Katus said.

"If Mr. Katus can name the big wigs that are supposedly staying there, then we will respond accordingly. We're not having big wigs stay at Valhalla," Rounds said [Austin Hoffman, "Governor's Cabin Questions," KELOLand.com, 2010.10.07].

Governor Rounds, via Game Fish & Parks, has generally declined to give us a list of Valhalla guests. But in the KELO interview, Rounds slips and reveals the identity of some regular guests:

"It's still a cabin. It still has mice in it. But it's got beautiful scenery around. It's rustic. It's not designed to be something that you take and you put people in like a motel," Rounds said [Hoffman, 2010].

Ah ha! Mice!

But wait a minute: we spent over $200,000 renovating the cabin, and it still has mice?! Now there's some state spending that needs to be reviewed.

So Was That a Public Ceremony?

On the front page of the Tuesday Madison Daily Leader:

How's That Trend Working for You Now, Kristi Noem?

The morning funny comes straight from the Kristi for Congress website, as old text and inattentive embedding make for giggle-worthy Newspeak. Back in July, Noem looked at bascially two Rasmussen polls and concluded there was "a great trend in the House race. Kristi has the momentum. Keep it up!"

Beneath that text, Team Kristi embedded the Talking Points Memo Poll Tracker for South Dakota's U.S. House race. That poll tracker automaticaly updates, which, with yesterday's poll results, now produces this emblematic juxtaposition of Kristi's words with reality (click to enlarge):


Kids, do not use Noem's definition of momentum (or up) on your physics quiz. Tee hee!

Worth noting: TPM's latest PollTracker includes the Anzalone-Liszt poll, which is at least as open to accusations of Dem bias as the new Rasmussen numbers are to Republican bias. Also worth noting: When the DCCC poll includes Marking, SHS stays steady at 50%, while Noem loses 2%.

Funniest Bike Part I've Bought

After ten years of serious bum friction, I decide it's time to buy a new bike seat. I order another split seat, designed to preserve proper sensation and function in the old kibble and bits (the old split saddle did a fine job of keeping my parts... sensational). Planet Bike calls their seat the "Anatomical Relief Saddle." Cool. Fine.

Then I catch the abbreviation. This is what I now sit on while pedaling:

Clever devils.

LAIC Industrial Park Violates Madison Mowing Ordinance

Nobody mows 'til Dwaine Chapel mows!

Last summer I had fun teasing the city for not following its own six-inch-grass rule. Now that the city has imposed a $200 fine for lazy lawnmowers, we can expect neat, well-trimmed grass everywhere to maintain our city's image, right?

Not in the industrial park owned by the Lake Area Improvement Corporation. An eager reader says he found excessively altitudinous verdure near the gateway to our fair city. The Madville Times mobile unit sprang into action to confirm this stunning news. Sure enough:
I brought my Mayor Hexom ruler and found this grass in LAIC land south of the bike trail clearly violating the six-inch rule.

Likewise these wild miscreant sunflowers, dwarfing my modest ruler near a bike trail intersection.
If Mayor Hexom comes a-measuring your grass, try this: mow just a swath or two along each side of your sidewalk, and tell the mayor, "See? Good enough for the bike trail, good enough for my yard, right?"
But hey, why should we complain about these tall weeds in the industrial park? The LAIC needs those sunflowers: they serve as natural, compostable bike racks for all the cyclists who come to survey the property for their economic development plans. Brilliant!

Now I didn't catch an exception in new mowing ordinance for commercial property. So let's see how long it takes for LAIC to call Madison Arborcare and chop those weeds... or for Chief Pulford to issue the LAIC a ticket.

How Many Norwegians Does It Take Screw in a Lightbulb?

...at least as many as it takes to fix a power outage at Dakota State University. ;-)

Power was out all over campus when I biked through 15 minutes ago. I'm betting too many kids brought fridges to the dorms.

But hey! You kids weren't going to study this fine summer afternoon, were you? Head for the beach, then enjoy a nice air-conditioned sandwich at Mochavino! I hear they have student specials on Monday....

Best Joke Yet on Kristi Noem's Lead Foot

So Kristi Noem does 94 on the Interstate.

Well, at least we finally understand why her hair looks like that.

Kristi could become the new Ole and Lena. I'm feeling a whole humor sub-genre coming on.

(I will acknowledge, however, that there's a strong argument to be made that there's nothing funny about Noem's reckless, unapologetic endangerment of her fellow South Dakotans.)

All joking aside, learn why Noem is empty boots compared to Herseth Sandlin

Satirist Calls for Brake on Noem Bust Jokes

Learn why Noem is empty boots compared to Herseth Sandlin

GOP House candidate Kristi Noem is living up to my expectation that she'd provide great blog fodder. Bill Fleming, one of the funnier members of the South Dakota blogosphere, sticks up for No-Limits Noem:


This feels too good to be schadenfreude. See more at Kristi Exposed on Facebook.

Bonus Snark: Boy, it's got to be tough to get good car insurance with a record like this. I hope Kristi knows a good insurance agent.

KELO Editorializes, Says God Exists

Media God-talk of the week: KELO appears comfortable endorsing the existence of God. KELO covers the riveting drama of Peter Gladush's van getting whacked by lightning. Reporter Brian Kushida follows Peter Gladush's statement "God saved me" with Kushida's own religious editorializing: "And reminded them just how precious life can be."

I'm not sure which bugs me more: an objective journalist taking a position on the existence of God, or KELO's persistent use of sentence fragments at the end of their reports. "And" + verb... there's not subject!

It also occurs to me that saying "God saved me!" from a lightning bolt is rather like saying John Hinckley, Jr., saved Ronald Reagan by being a really bad shot.

Oddly, neither Kushida nor Gladush editorialize on God's opinion of the Toyota Sienna.

Bob Deelsta fo Distict 9: Impoving Hatford!

Because no politican is above the law... of orthography!

Republican District 9 House candidate Bob Deelstra appears to have a problem with the letter R. Sift through the dozens of camper videos on his YouTube channel (he's a salesman at Northview Campers), and you'll find this little slideshow of nice things that have happened in Hartford during Deelstra's service as city councillor. Nice things like Dollar General—yay.

The slideshow opens with this screen:

Deelstra does spell improvements right in a subsequent slide, but Bob, you're a salesman: you know the importance of a good first impression, right?

Deelstra's other campaign video seems to affirm that he has a serious R aversion:

"I don't look at these issues as Republican or Democratic issues"... wait! I get it! Bob Deelstra is committed to a post-partisan South Dakota. He's taking the Heidepriem line, downplaying his party affiliation, right down to blotting out the R's that might remind viewers of the big fat partisan R that will appear next to his name on the ballot. So subliminal! So clever!

Oh well, at least he's not dropping g's like Kristi Noem... which reminds me: is it kosher for an elected councilman to film a campaign video in the city council chamber? Does appearing under the glorious insignia of the City of Hartford constitute an expenditure of public funds to influence the outcome of a campaign?