It is coming....

The big day approaches.  In two months my four year old will be a new entrant at the local primary school.  It absolutely blows my mind the idea that I could have a five year old.  At school, even.  I'm going to be crying all over the place - starting school comes after leaving creche - The Sweetheart's home away from home these last two years.   Well, I'm getting weepy thinking about leaving creche so I'll save that for another post and get on with the party planning!

Kid's birthday parties today seem very different from parties when I was young.  The food given is I think, healthier than it used to be and there are a lot more food allergies to cater for.  When trying to think of friends with food allergies from my childhood I cannot think of a single one - the only special food arrangement was for my friend's diabetes.

This party has a theme of fairy princess (original, I know) and food requirements of interesting, party-like, dairy, nut, soy, meat and egg free.  When faced with a different list of allergies last year I completely freaked out about what to make (as you can no doubt tell, I'm a baker - everything has flour, egg and dairy) until calmer friends pointed out all the obvious food choices.  I'm ashamed to say I was almost annoyed with the need to avoid certain foods as I really felt as though I was cheated out of making the things I really wanted to have.  But the party isn't about me, it is about my daughter.  I want her to be a good host, that means that I need to be one too.  Now I see it as an opportunity for food creativity and fun.  I doubt the kid's even notice that the food omits certain items - particularly as long as there is at least a lollipop involved!!

Best low-allergy birthday party food ideas (check packaging very, very carefully)

• Rice crackers
• Plain potato chips (flavoured ones tend to have milk powder)
• Plain popcorn and candy corn (icing sugar and food colouring)
• Lollipops
• Marshmallows *some brands still contain gluten
• Corn chips
• Bagel chips
• Fruit kebabs
• Salsa
• Carrot and celery sticks
• Some sausages (bit tricky to find those without soy or dairy) or use ham
• Berries

If you have a birthday cake there are a lot of really delicious gluten free recipes (although my fav gluten free recipes tend to contain nuts) and baking without egg just requires a little science - use egg replacement or applesauce instead.  Egg replacement powder is actually a brilliant thing to have in your cupboard for when you have run out of eggs.  I've had good results with it and a pack of 50 'eggs' costs about $7.

I think if you have a child with an anaphylactic allergy then it is just good manners to avoid any of that food item (particularly with younger children who tend to take whatever food they can get/ smear food all over the place) at the party.  For food intolerance, or older children better able to manage food then it is quite common to have allergy free foods for the children and perhaps an 'adults' food table with some other foods.

For one birthday party a Mum brought along a piece of egg/gluten/dairy/soy free cake that I quickly decorated to look identical; this upcoming party we are having an ice cream cake with a rice milk ice cream option. 

It is complicated, but it can be quite invigorating working out a nice, safe menu - for me a different kind of food challenge.

Blossoms and bad days

What a difference 24 hours can make. The Sweetheart has a broken collarbone and so hasn't been able to attend creche this past week. The Poppet has missed having one on one attention and is a bit confused as to why her playmate hasn't been as fun. She has dealt with this by becoming a little cling on.

It has rained all week and between one daughter who has trouble sleeping due to pain and another who is still erratic in her sleep it has been a long week.

It culminated in a horrid day where the baby didn't sleep and the injured big sister slept too long and at the wrong time. It was nine pm when they were finally in bed and quiet. By this stage I was a frazzled mess. I went for a late night walk and then went to bed. The next day the sun came out, we spent the whole day out and about and tempers were restored. We went to pick up my husband and spent ten minutes playing under this tree at his work. It was delightful and just a complete turn around from the previous day. I always love days where we can all get to the end of it and be happy and relaxed.




Picking up the blossoms on the grass to take home.





It looked like a movie










Waiting for blossom to fall

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Comparing and contrasting

It is so, so hard not to compare children.  After all, parenting is easier the second time around because you know what you are doing.  You picked up that experience with your first child, so it is natural to take what you have learned and apply it to the second.

When that knowledge doesn't work you wonder what the difference is?

I have two girls and the similiarity ends there.  Two very different pregnancies ended with two very different babies.  The first a week late, nice and round and we had a horrid time learning to feed.  The second, just over three weeks early, small and lean and took to feeding straight away.  My second is about to turn a year old.  She has just started saying 'mummum' today, is not crawling and eats a huge amount everyday.  Her older sister was close to walking at this point, not talking and a good although increasingly fussy eater.

I don't go in much for quizzes but was taken by the 'Baby Whisperer' quiz designed to help you understand your baby's individual personality.  My four year old was an angel baby (the kind most parents probably want, especially in the first year).  They are no trouble, go to sleep when you want them to and wake up happy. On doing the quiz for my nearly one year old she comes out as 'spirited.'  Spirited babies tend to wake up cranky/ crying, can get off track pretty quickly and are pretty good at making their needs known!

I did the quiz because I wondered if the approaches that I used with my oldest daughter were just not working with my second.  My eldest daughter would be put down for a sleep, and just go to sleep.  My youngest will end up sitting (then can't get back down) or end up stuck in a corner.  To do this she bucks her body to get out of her safety sleep and then uses the bars to pull herself along the cot.  I wish I had a closed circuit camera as it must be awesome to watch.

My oldest daughter would eat what she was given quite happily and passively by spoon feeding.  My youngest likes to feed herself (but can't normally feed herself enough so needs a bit extra off the spoon).

Now I don't necessarily think that a quiz and a single approach will suit all children, but have found it a good reminder that some things that I thought were prettty universal with children (sleeping, eating) can need different approaches depending on the baby's personality.

I realise that what I have written isn't new or particularly revolutionary, but am interested to hear about other people and their experiences!

Baby advice.

I've started a new job as a Plunket Educator. It is for the Plunket 'Education In Schools' programme.  It is a six week course taught in schools with an emphasis on safety.  For me it is basically like listening to a Plunket Nurse tell you what to do constantly - the messages are the same as I get for my girls, and the reactions of the students when you give them the 'E: True Hollywood Story of Parenting' is just hilarious.

So I was particularly pleased when my Mum sent me my Plunket Book.  It has a white and blue cover and is falling to bits.  I was 3.12kg and 3.3kg when first seen by Plunket at 2.5 weeks.

There is a suggested routine at the front of the book, which is about as laughable as any other timetable oriented routine I've seen for babies.  It does include sun bathing time(!) and lots of outside sleeping time.  It allows thirty minutes relaxation and recreation time for the mother in the evening, so perhaps I should consider it!

What I find really interesting is the six important headings that the book includes:  they are very close to the eight needs of children that I teach in my course.

Six 'headings'

1. Love
2. Food
3. Cleanliness
4. Rest
5. Clothing
6. Exercise (fresh air and play)

Eight 'basic needs'

1. Love and Security
2. Food
3. Hygiene
4. Rest and Sleep
5. Clothing
6. Development (physical and mental)
7. Shelter
8. Learning

There is not a single mention of breastfeeding in the old book (I was formula feed), but a formula fed baby today will still have approximatly 10,000 mentions of breastfeeding in their Plunket book.  There is a definite emphasis on 'motions.'  The standard headings for each visit are:

• Date
• Age
• Weight
• Nurse's Comments and Advice
• Motions.

My formula feeds were being watered down at night from five weeks, I guess as part of a plan to get me sleeping through the night.  I was on solids from nine weeks (the norm these days is from six months).  In the seven weeks old entry there is a mysterious recipe for baking soda in cooled boiled water.  It doesn't mention what it is for.

There is an emphasis on iron rich foods that is familiar to today's parent.  Meat juice is suggested, and egg yolks every other day.  Sieved meat pulp (made from liver or kidney) was one handwritten recipe and there was a suggestion of fruit juice in the afternoon (at seven and a half months old).  Plunket nurses today would cringe at the fruit juice recommendation!

Anyone else have their old Plunket Book?

Just what is it that parents do all day?

I've had a lot of non-parent friends ask just what it is that I do all day.  Often the enquiry made is in politer terms than that, but the meaning is just the same.

The answer?

I make meals and clean.

Quite simple really. Except, how is that this takes all day?

7am: Daughters awake.  DD2 breastfed for 10-15mins.  DD1 cereal and milk for breakfast.  Make her lunch for creche.  Make my breakfast.  Feed DD2 solids (takes about 5-10mins).

Clean up: Bib, possible change of clothes and dirty muslins from cleaning up high chair.
Get girls in the car, take DD1 to creche. On return breastfeed baby.

9am: DD2 down for morning nap.  Unload/ stack dishwasher. Tidy up kitchen.  Put washing on.  Get on computer to see what other mothers are up to. Try to sneak in shower.  Open curtains and windows upstairs.

9.45-10.30. DD2 wakes up.  Breastfeed for ten minutes.  Many parents have coffee groups.  What do we talk about?  How sick and tired we are of cleaning and making meals.   Chore time: supermarket shopping, returning library books, plunket appointments etc.

11.30:  DD2 solids feed for about ten-fifteen minutes. Produces bib, muslins and sometimes a change of clothes needed.  Hang out laundry, but if baby being clingy then playing with baby.  Breastfeed baby before nap.

12pm:  Baby back to bed.  Lunchtime for me.  Hang out laundry, sort out dinner for the evening (need lots of time when there are 2-3 meals to be made.  Other cleaning (often folding laundry, cleaning up toys etc).

12.45-1.30pm:  Baby up, needs more milk.  Snack time for baby - often a very messy rusk or cracker (produces laundry).  Playing etc.  Breastfeed before creche pickup.

3.30pm: Pick up from creche then on to afternoon activities like playdates, gym and ballet.

4.30pm: DD2's dinner time: solids.  Takes about ten minutes.  Cooking dinner for four year old.   Give dinner to four year old.  Put DD2 down for dinner time sleep.  Clean up: muslins and bibs from the baby, and muslins from the four year old clean up.  Put dishwasher on.

5.45pm: Baby up.  Four year old playing (creating mess but having fun). 

6.20pm:  Final breastfeed for Baby. 

6.30pm: Vincent home from work, says goodnight to the baby.  Eats dinner (which is often the same as the four year olds, but can be different).   If four year old massively messy from creche then shower time.

7pm: Four year old goes to bed in elaborate twenty minute teeth brushing, reading and singing extravaganza.  Four year old has terribly messy clothes by the end of the day, always need washing.  She often brings home a wet/ dirty set of clothes from creche.

7.30pm:  If I haven't eaten then I have it now.  Tidy up kitchen (takes about thirty minutes).  Deal to laundry again.

10.30pm:  Dreamfeed for the baby (thirty minutes).


I haven't mentioned changing nappies, tidying up toys, extra spills, stripping beds, dirty fingerprint wipe downs, the interminable seatbelt process, the amount of crap that needs to be carried around to meet all these needs and then all the one off things.  We have a giant seven litre washing machine and tend to do at least one load a day, frequently two.  The dishwasher goes at least twice a day, and often three (five is the record).  On the days that the oldest isn't at creche there is of course a lot more housework, but then a lot less time to do it. 

It is relentless.  With one child it can be hard enough, but when you have one infant they can't spread as much mess as a crawling baby, or a walking toddler.  When you finally collapse into bed you know that you have to do it all again tomorrow.  I read recently that it is perfectly normal to love your children, love being a mother but hate the work of motherhood.  There are many aspects of the experience of motherhood that are fantastic, but I have not yet come across one mother (yes I'm generalising but the numbers are on my side here) that has enjoyed the relentless, mind numbing chore that is cleaning up after children.

Parenting through disasters.

I don't know how they have done it since September, or how they are doing it now.

To make a few sweeping generalisations, parents tend to try and protect their children from unnecessary distress and so edit what they hear or are told.  Thanks to 'Suzy's World' DD1 knows all about earthquakes (actually, more than most adults - do you know about tectonic downwarping), and given the massive coverage this time round there was no way to avoid her learning about it.  Also, I was very worried about my family based in Christchurch and Timaru.  I explained that there had been an earthquake in the South Island, that everyone got a nasty surprise, but that they were OK.  Luckily that is true for my relatives - homes uninhabitable, but alive.

I thought that she absorbed the explanation well, but the next night she volunteered at the dinner table that she was feeling sad.  She was worried about her Grandparents and cousin.  We quickly called them so that she could hear that they were OK.  That night - nightmares.  One of them about an earthquake and fire coming out of the earth.

We are very safe and sound at our house, and life continues as normal in our family, but if that is the impact of the earthquake on a four year old who didn't experience it, then what must it be like for those parents who have to explain hourly aftershocks?  Even worse, those with 'missing' friends and families who are not now likely to be found alive.  I can't even comprehend what it is like for the siblings of the infants who died.

To make myself feel better I have restocked the emergency kit, made a written disaster plan for our family and friends with cellphone numbers and addresses of locations, including our nearest civil defence places.  My list of emergency contacts for DD1 at her creche now has about seven names on it.  I actually feel panicky just thinking about how to get to her in an emergency.

Kia Kaha to those parenting through this disaster - you are perhaps in a living nightmare, and facing perhaps some of the toughest parenting/ family challenges you will ever experience.  My most fervent hope is that all this goodwill out there comes your way, and that the needs of you and your family are met.