Layers of Stupid?

My Grade 5 teacher told my mom, "Lori does not suffer fools lightly." I've tried since then to mitigate that, and have attempted to be open to the less-than-fully-bright in my life.

I'm not that patient.

Got talking to a friend online tonight...she and her kids were watching WipeOut. Oh my.

But I got thinking about a show I used to actually almost enjoy -- partly because I saw it as an amusing observation of the different layers of stupidity.

"What show?" I hear you ask. Ah, well, Street Smarts is the show. Did you never watch it while it was on?

Here's part 1 of an episode for you:



Now, right away, you see the premise: studio audience and contestants (from the studio audience) make fun of the stupid people on the street that the host has interviewed. Will these dumb people know the answers to the incredibly simple questions asked to them?

Ah, but wait.
This episode features Ben the Bronx stud, Molly the future newscaster and Ben the construction worker. These people interviewed on the street know the show, and are thrilled to be on it! Huh? Don't you guys know that everyone is laughing at you?!

But wait...they get some answers right. So they're not utterly hopeless. The contestants, Calysta and Yaron, think they're the shit, 'cause they're the contestants, not the putzes on the street.

But wait...they can 'dunce' each other. That's when one of them challenges the other to answer the question themselves first. Watch Yaron when he 'dunces' Calysta -- he really doesn't know the answer!

So who's really stupid? Who's smart? Those of us watching, laughing knowingly and feeling superior at the absurdity that is this public display of moron-hood? Those in the studio audience, enjoying the excitement and laughing? The person who won the round? The people on the street who got their 15 minutes of fame?

Probably I'm the dumbest, as I've just spent 40 minutes of my life blogging about this.

Enjoy Part 2 (actually, the 'duncing' is in this part):



Do watch the show...I think the host is a hoot!

Lori

Thrift or Desperation?

Awhile back, about a year after I met my husband, I found myself wandering downtown Vancouver and (god forbid!) thinking like him...

"Vancouver does not truly have a poverty problem until the pigeons start disappearing," I thought to myself, staring at a park full of the things.

But then this came to my attention, the most wonderfully random bit of weather news that Canada has ever produced:



First she is a normal person, having a conversation, but then she...

...and no one comments?

Welcome to Canada.

Lori

Another great yarn...

Awhile back, I posted about the fabulous tale that I was regaled when I asked my question "What's your story?"

Today, I wandered over to Sixteen Tons which I do periodically to see what's new in her world, and was floored with the story that greeted me, entitled Reptile Love. As anyone who reads my blog knows, I revel in the absurd and unexpected. This yarn is well-told, includes a bit of political intrigue, flirtation and...well, just see for yourself:

"I began to get a little nervous. The guy was mercurial enough already and he didn’t need some Parks functionary irresponsibly inflaming him with the spectacle of turtle hard-ons. The acquaintance sounded like it was prospering in a strange way..."

Nicely written, sledpress. Thank you for this.

Does anyone else have any great stories out there? Tell on!

Lori

Random Questions

...arising from a roadtrip.

In this day'n'age, with the Internet always so there, able to be referenced at a moment's notice, you feel its absence when on the road, in a car. (No, I don't have an iPhone/Blackberry/what-have-you to do this on the road...plus we were traveling in areas without service!)

On our last road trip (this last weekend actually, the pictures are here), Metro and I had a number of questions/speculations. This time, we wrote them down. And now, I'm going to share them with you, because perhaps you'll enjoy them too.

Some were generated purely from the geography:

• Anarchist Mountain in BC's Boundary Country...were there really anarchists there? What's the story?
• Boundary Creek Provincial Park in Greenwood. Check it out. Looks nice.
• Why is the town of Salmo called Salmo? Was there a Mr. Salmo? What did he do?

Some were generated from roadside observations:

• No Tresspassing signs -- does putting one up an prerequisite for being able to actually shoo people from your land? If you don't have one up, can you still oust people you don't want?
• Roadside crosses -- there was an anthropological study done on these (at least one). Look it up. What a weird phenomenon. When/Where did the practice start?
• Fudge as a tourist attraction -- This one has always bothered me. Hell's Gate for years had nothing to do once you got over to the other side other than to buy and eat fudge. Is this just a Canadian tourist stop/trap phenomenon, or do other countries subject their tourists to it as well?

Others just arose from the depth of (mostly) Metro's brain:

• Are there such things as grasshopper breeders?
• What is the difference between an alpaca and a llama?
• What is the story behind the zuccamelon again?

More questions came up, but not when we had paper and pen available. C'est la vie!

We've not gotten around to looking any of these up, so feel free to offer up any resources. Or regale us with your own questions that niggle...

Lori

You Can Shave the Baby

I wish I could un-see this:

(Source)

Sorry to do that to you.

Lori

Zombies in Austen?

I can't tell if this is a gag, or a real book....so it's here, instead of on my book blog...

From Chronicle Books, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies:

As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead.

Uh...Okay.

I feel gullible tonight. Maybe I should just go to bed. This will all make sense in the morning.

Right?

Lori

"I'm a Liver, not a Fighter"

Found this absurdity over at Rain's other blog Teenie Manolo, in a post entitled Ovaries of Danger.

Follow the links, to find this adorable little guy:
What every little kid needs, a stuffed liver to play with.

Unfortunately, the Uterus is not so lucky:

The irony of course is that probably many women would love to have their uteruses (? uteri!) recalled...while others would love to have one to play with.

But kids? Who'd have thought internal organ plush dolls be a desirable toy?

Ah well. I've had deeper thoughts on a Sunday morning before, that's for sure!

Lori

A bit late, but the absurd is eternal

A belated bit of Christmas cheer via microwaves:

Happy Christmas from AKQA

What inspires people to spend so much time on silly projects like this?

Lori

Proper Citations

Always important, especially on the Internet. (Or is it more, people should be just damn careful what they believe on the 'net!)

Found a good source of alternative source citing. Here's a sample:

Tattoos

When citing tattoos or other body art/text:

1. List the part of the body on which the tattoo was seen.
2. Name the person sporting the tattoo (if known).
3. Identify the location where tattoo was observed (if known).
4. List the date the tattoo was observed (if known).

Example: "This End Up." [Left Buttock, Unidentified Male Dancer; The Loading Zone Bar, Halsted Street; Chicago, Il: January, 31 1998?]

Have I ever told you the story of my one great regret?

I was drinking with the boyfriend-of-the-time in a bar and a couple of Australian sailors in Seoul, South Korea. One of the sailors, full biker beard and a prodigious ability to drink, started showing me his tatts.

Geishas on his shins...Some word on the inside of his lower lip....The usual stuff on the arms.

He then dropped trou and showed me the animals (?) on his butt cheeks.

And the tattoo on the head of his penis.

My regret?

To this day, I can't finish the story. I can't tell you what the image was, 'cause I was a little, uh, taken aback.

What goes through a guy's mind to get a tattoo there? Anyone got any insight?

Cheers,

Lori

Uh...Merry Christmas?!

Found this delightful holiday fun over at the Sneeze.

That alone should warn you.

What? Don't know the Sneeze? He's a delightfully twisted, intermittent blogger with a long-suffering wife, a precocious child, and a younger Lil' Sneeze who, so far, is not quite demonstrating much of any father-inherited oddness. (Do not read his Steve, Don't Eat It! series while drinking coffee, as you will laugh it out your nose!)

Anyway, here's a holiday video from a friend of his, Tom:



Oh, Santa!

Lori

The Geek Test

I'm 24.42998% a Geek -- a Total Geek according to the Geek Test.

And I'm probably scoring higher because I think this is cool enough to blog about.

Shoot me now.

In the meantime, have a listen to the Geek Wants Out by Ernie Cline.

Lori

Irreverent bastard, but great LOLcat therapy

There I was, happily, blithely even, stumbling the Internet, when I paused on a blog post entitled:

Squirrels that try to be productive members of society can suck it

This surprised me, to say the least*. (*Interesting how that little phrase actually adds words to your sentence...)

I scrolled down a bit...

Platypus: the ultimate buzz kill

Mystified, I scrolled further:

Moose are the biggest dorks ever

I burst out laughing, scrolled back up to see what the hell I'd landed on...and discovered a blog that, yes, will receive a full 4 links from me in this one post:

Please visit Fuck you, Penguin, the blog where cute animals are told 'what's what'.

Lori

UK vs US: What's funny?

I could research definitions of comedy and funny to write an essay on the topic...and still no one would agree with me.

As individuals, we all know what we like. Personally, I have a taste for the more complex British comedies. where funny stuff happens while life continues on, in all its wonderful complexities.

The Full Monty (1997) (warning: couldn't find the trailer, so the clip below is the sports-movie-style fabulous SPOILER ending -- go rent the movie if you haven't seen it, don't ruin it for yourself!!)



Kinky Boots (2005)



Death at a Funeral (2007)



Now, according to my favourite movie news source (I let Gordon McAlpin sift through the movie geek news for me! And I follow his great webcomic Multiplex), Hollywood is doing a re-make of Death at a Funeral!! (Did you see the date on that film? A year old.)

Me (and all sane movie geeks): "What?! Was it not funny enough for you? Or could you not understand the foreign accent?"

"Oh, no. None of that. We just want to make it Chris Rock funny. All movies are better when we Americanize 'em."

Gads.

Lori

Uh...

I'm absurdly flummoxed.


[Insert glib comment here.]

(Source)

Students Run Underground Junk Food Trade

The local school board could take the credit if they wanted to -- "See, the students learned a valuable history lesson about how organized crime began in the United States, and learned entrepreneurial skills at the same time!"

(The full story here.)

Some high school students are making money by selling junk food out of lockers at their Burnaby school despite a provincial ban on junk food sales now in effect in all B.C. schools.

The three Grade 11 students — who asked to be identified only as Weeman, The Fern and Goggles — told CBC News they made more than $200 in the first week of school by bulk-buying candy and chocolate bars, then selling them at a profit.

And the beautiful part of the story is that the School Board isn't cracking down...they're a bit proud of them, I think.

Plus, there's an intimation that teachers are taking advantage of the opportunity as well!

Stationary and Wacky Fun -- 2 of my fave things!

From the guys who brought you the Mentos-magic...

Fun with Post-its!




(Source)

Enjoy!

Lori

Can Pass Air

Press releases abound today for the launch of Canada's new get-through-customs-easy-like program: CANPASS Air.

C'mon people! Did you not run this past a couple humans with even a mild sense of humour before the launch?!?

What's next for the border? CanPass Gas?

Make me proud!

Lori

Inflatable dog turd sculpture escapes Swiss museum, wreaks havoc

Seriously, you can't make this stuff up!

For real and for true.

Found this via a friend on Facecrack...whose favourite headline when we were kids was "Hippo Crushes Circus Dwarf."

Lori

An engineer with 3 cats

Here's Paul and his buddy TJ, messing around with cats, in true engineer fashion:



"Like most engineers, cats are willing to eat the same thing day after day after day..."

Enjoy,

Lori

Definitions of Power

Years ago, I picked up a book entitled The 48 Laws of Power (by Robert Greene) [Here are the laws summarized.] I subsequently loaned the book out, and it hasn't been returned -- it's a very interesting book that either teaches one how to be a bastard power-monger, or to recognize one...depending on your point of view. A very entertaining book though...

But if you can't find the book to help you to achieve a persona of power, you can just get yourself one of these:

The Han Solo desk (found at DVICE) has its different messages as well, depending on your point of view...Scary Guy or Enormous Geek.

(and no, I don't want one for Christmas...)

Lori