Student loans are a great investment

especially when you have a Congressman in your pocket:

Duke Cunningham, the former American fighter ace and national hero, landed on CHANCE and drew the dreaded GO TO JAIL card this past Friday for admitting that he broke the rules related to acceptance of gifts from companies looking for congressional favoritism. In this case, what he did was correctly labeled as bribery.

Meanwhile, Kevin Madden, Tom DeLay's former communication director, who moved over to John Boehner's office after DeLay was indicted, was quoted by the Cincinnati Post last Friday as saying that the heavy criticism Boehner has received since he became House Majority Leader is correctly labeled as "frivolous."

See if you agree.

One of the areas where Boehner has taken the most criticism are his "fact finding" trips aboard private jets of companies that had business before his House Education and Workforce Committee.

And among his favorite "fact-finding" trips were the Boca Raton golf junkets sponsored by Al Lord, the Chairman of Sallie Mae, which is far and away the nation's largest holder of student loans.

Boehner has adamantly defended these types of trips, saying, "Lawmakers must be able to see what's going on around the country first hand," but everyone knows that the only fact about Boca Raton that's unknown at the beginning of these trips is who's going to shoot the lowest golf round after the plane lands.

But, that's how Boehner keeps up his tan, and getting him there is how Sallie Mae keeps up its profits.

Not sure what to make of all this yet? Then keep reading.

Al Lord is building his own private golf course and trying to buy a professional baseball team with his share of the profits, a good part of which can be traced back to the high margins resulting from the restriction-of-trade laws that have dogged the student loan industry for decades.

In fact, Sallie Mae's margins are so high, Fortune Magazine recently dubbed them as America's second most profitable company.

And the situation, according to the Free Market News, is going to get worse because when the newly passed laws affecting student loans go into effect this July, there will be far less competition than ever before.

Even before the latest legislative changes, student loans were already subject to one of the most anti-competitive laws on the nation's books. It's known as the "Single Holder Rule", which says that students and parents whose loans are owned by one lender cannot shop around for the best terms when they consolidate their loans.

For those not familiar with higher education matters, students and parents consolidate college loans for the same reasons homeowners refinance their mortgages -- to take advantage of low fixed rates and to lower monthly payments to a more affordable level.

But under the new laws, the vast majority of students and parents who have already consolidated, or do so in the future, will be legally barred from ever refinancing again, no matter what other lender later offers a lower rate.

Many would think it impossible that Sallie Mae could have pulled this off, especially under a Republican Congress that claims to support free trade. But think again -- it's the new law of the land.

Make no mistake about it; this is completely different from the Cunningham situation. In this case, no one's going to jail because everyone involved has followed the rules Congress set down.

But that doesn't make the rules right.

National columnists like Terry Savage, Dick Morris and Froma Harrop are calling the anti-refinancing scheme a rip off, shameful or abusive. The San Diego Union Tribune reported that Duncan Hunter (R-Ca), Chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, plans to propose a rule requiring the House Ethics Committee to verify that each privately funded trip that congressional lawmakers take is a genuine fact-finding mission, not a junket designed to win favor.

If Congress actually passes that rule, there may be less favoritism going forward, but that is not going to reverse the special interest legislation already on the books. Reduced competition will mean higher interest rates, and higher interest rates will result in students and parents having to pay billions of dollars more than an open market would dictate.

The cost of college is simply too high to allow Sallie Mae to keep collecting excess profits every time around the board.

Cunningham draws Monopoly's GO TO JAIL CARD - but Sallie Mae is still landing on FREE PARKING.

You former students out there--did you know that Sallie Mae was a private company established by Congress to get rich off those student loans you are struggling to pay off?

To learn more, visit studentloanjustice.org.

The triumph of common sense

From the Telegraph:

At last, the Law Lords have injected some sanity into the case of Shabina Begum, the Bedfordshire schoolgirl who had insisted when she was 15 that it was her "human right" to defy her school's dress code by covering herself from head to toe in the full Islamic jilbab.

Yesterday, they overturned a ruling by the Appeal Court that Denbigh High School in Luton had broken the law by insisting that she should wear the tunic and trousers of the shalwar kameez instead....
Every word of the Law Lords' ruling yesterday rang with religious tolerance and common sense. The school, said Lord Bingham, had taken "immense pains" to devise a dress code that respected Muslim beliefs "in an inclusive, unthreatening and uncompetitive way".

Lord Hoffman made an excellent point, too, when he said that there had been nothing to stop Shabina from going to a single-sex school, or to one that permitted the jilbab. To change schools might not have been entirely convenient for her, he said, "but people sometimes have to suffer some inconvenience for their beliefs".

Increasing productivity in academia

Can it be done? Sample quote:

In real life, when I'm looking through job applications, I'm struck at how many people have degrees in some soft science, and drifted down and out, through internships and other tangental employment in their field, into the retail world. So many newly minted sociology majors are folding sweaters at The Gap eight years later. (Helpful hint: "If an academic discipline has the word "science" in its title, it isn't a science.")

Toilet of my dreams

Or maybe not.

Would you, could you, use it?

Courtesy of meshugganah mommy.

A 21st century online romance

that ends badly.

You don't bring me flowers

My readership has more than doubled, from miserable to not so bad, considering. But--my readers seem to be the strong silent type. (Mostly.) So I figure I need a short public opinion poll to suss out the minds of the Great American Public, just like the politicians. I have accordingly prepared a short questionnaire. Just answer yes or no:

1. I like your blog but have nothing to say.

2. I am sick of reading about your stupid friends and relatives.

3. Enough about libraries already--give it a rest.

4. Quit talking about New Jersey. Oh yes, and forget about the baked ziti.

5. I am sick of your rants about Jimmy Carter--a great president and a fine, peace-loving man.

There now, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

If I don't get any answers, I am afraid I will have to go out in the garden and eat worms. And if that doesn't work, I'll hold my breath until I turn blue.

So comment.

The I-Hate-Jimmy-Carter Club

has plenty of members:

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” quite naturally detest Jimmy Carter, the worst president of the 20th century. On occasion, we feel mildly bad about despising him so much. After all, he has spent an awful lot of time helping Habitat for Humanity, which is surely a noble cause.

Yet just when we start to feel as if we’ve given President Carter a bad rap, he ostentatiously pushes himself back into the political spotlight by making some asinine speech or coming to some moronic conclusion. And then we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” begin to believe that we didn’t sufficiently loathe this peanut-farming dipstick.

There are people who like JC, like some friends of ours who saw a laudatory Bill Moyers program devoted to this loathesome psalm-singing egomaniac.

I personally hold him responsible for 9/11. His bungling of the Iran hostage crisis gave aid and comfort to our enemies. He also brokered the deal which gave North Korea nukes.

And I'd be willing to bet that any nails he hammers for Habitat for Humanity are hammered in all crooked.

Memories of my uncle

My father's older brother has died at age 97. It was no surprise to anyone, as lately he has been at death's door so often they gave him his own key.

He was an old reprobate, who, as my father says, broke every rule twice. He did exactly as he pleased for most of his life, until he became too feeble.

He and my father were religious skeptics, to say the least, although their father was a rabbi. So I was surprised when my cousin (his daughter) called to ask if she could distribute his ashes on a Saturday. In my father's family I am considered the expert on things Judaic, I guess because there are rumors that I fast on Yom Kippur.

I didn't think he would have cared, but she told me that he would not let her get married on a Saturday. The family decided to scatter the ashes on Sunday morning and sit shiva lite on Sunday. It's funny how remnants of religous practice and belief cling to people. Or how people cling to them. My father once complained that everyone in his senior housing development was Christian and Republican.

The real religion in that family is leftyism, Jewish style. As Christians believe in the Virgin Birth, so they believe that Sacco and Vanzetti were innocent and Alger Hiss was framed. George W Bush is a devil in this cosmogeny, and FDR is their Mohammed. They have no interest in the actual facts of the case, any case, but believe with the guilelessness of children. And so it is in the whole family, root and branch, except me. All dues-paying members of the ACLU, except I don't think they send a check to the organization, except rarely.

I have to stress that the members of my family are really nice, good, intelligent people. But religion is religion. Faith to them is the evidence of things unseen. This secular faith doesn't prevent them from having all their offspring bar or bat mitzvah. My sister-in-law, on her deathbed, made her husband promise that he would have their son bar mitzvahed. She was as big a skeptic as the rest of them.

There is also an occasional Seder when all the family can get together, but they don't bother not to eat bread during Passover.

And people think the Orthodox are wacky.

Check out the Best of Me Symphony, 101, just posted

Church songs for the lukewarm

From little miss attila, songs for those who don't believe in much but don't mind giving up an hour of golf on the occasional Sunday:

- Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
— Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
— Be Thou My Hobby
— O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
— Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style

Read it.

Nude Blogging Part Deux

15 Minute Lunch objects to this.

Even more shocking news

Court officials in Texas are as stupid and nasty as the ones in New Jersey. Dave gets a ticket and tries to straighten out the mess. $600 and $420 later, he is a free (but poorer) man.

Is the lesson of this to be a good little boy and make sure you renew your car registration and follow up to make sure the court got your check? Or is it that the greed of local government which substantially underwrites its costs with exorbitant fees for traffic fines is out of control? Or maybe I'm just a cranky middle-aged dude who should pay his fines and be glad government isn't oppressing him even more. Better that than the granny on social security who loses her apartment because she gets a ticket.

Can we revive these library rules?

From love the library:

No person shall be admitted who is in a state of intoxication, or is uncleanly in person or attire; nor shall any audible conversation be permitted in the Rooms.

More shocking news

An article in the San Francisco Chronicle relays the astonishing news from the New England Journal of Medicine:

Blacks and Hispanics tend to receive slightly better day-to-day medical care than whites when they see a doctor, a large and surprising study has found, starting a new debate about the impact of race on health in America.

The study, the most comprehensive examination of the quality of primary care in the United States, found no significant differences among patients from different ethnic groups or incomes once they get to see a doctor, but a slight trend toward better care for blacks and Hispanics.

The researchers stressed, however, that other disparities in health care do exist. Poor people and minorities, for example, are less likely to see a doctor in the first place and get far less expensive care. In addition, the minor variations among racial groups found in the new study are swamped by the low level of care everyone gets, they said.

"The bottom line of this study is patients are getting about half of recommended care, and it doesn't seem to matter where you live, whether you are white, black or Hispanic, are insured or uninsured," said Steven Asch, who helped conduct the study for the Rand Corp. "Everyone is at equal risk for poor quality of care."

Gosh--now I feel better--we're all in the dumper, together.

From Ace of trumps.

Shocking news

Our troops want to go home!

The U.S. government is reeling from the alarming results of a Zogby Poll that could change the very course of the war in Iraq.

According to the poll, 72% of troops currently stationed in Iraq would like to leave in the next year. In other words, U.S. troops shockingly want to return to their families from a foreign land where they dine on sand-encrusted rations and are targeted for agonizing, slow death by suicidal Islamic fundamentalists.

“I’m speechless,” said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. “Are they sure about the results? Our troops want only one more year of death lurking around every corner? Just 12 months of picking up pieces of blown-up Iraqis? How can this be?”....

The poll results run counter to polls conducted during other wars in U.S. history. For instance, during World War I, 84% of US soldiers “found the maze-like trenches of France a fun place to frolic,” and 78% “enjoyed starting the day with an invigorating round of hand to hand combat.”

Similarly, during World War II, 87% of US Troops “felt jipped that they weren’t on the Bataan Death March,” and 94% were “curious about what a German POW camp would be like.”

Clearly, the US military has some issues to address going forward.

In related news, 94% of firemen said that they did not enjoy having their flesh burned, and 84% of moms said that childbirth was "a bit uncomfortable."

Don't use stupid acronyms

From Tan:

Dear people who use the term ROTFLMAO,

What the f*** are you talking about?!!? I don’t get it. People don’t really say “rolling on the floor laughing my ass off” in actual conversation. So why do you have to shoehorn this waste of eight letters into our messaging and e-mails? It’s not even a good acronym. It’s not clever. It doesn’t spell anything. And it’s not even that short, ROTFLMAO is longer than most standard good-size words. It’s almost as long as the word “eucalyptus.” And no one wants to write that out. It’s as long as “laughing,” and longer than writing the word “funny.” Which is the point here, right? I can only presume you're trying to express your amusement, and the whole rolling on the floor and ass falling off is for “dramatic effect.” Correct me if I’m wrong.

And really, rolling on the floor? Laughing my ass off? What is the imagery we have going here? Has that ever happened at any time in the history of the universe? Someone rolling on the floor laughing, and their ass falls off? I don’t think so.... It’d be like “YO SON! Don’t tell that joke again, the last time you said it someone rolled on the floor and laughed his ass off. There was blood and not-yet-congealed shit everywhere. It was fucking nasty. I’m not down with that. Just tell the regular old funny ha-ha jokes.”

I heartily concur. Also, let's not hear any more about spitting soda on monitors or, shall we say, wetting your underwear? Kindly keep your gross physical activities to yourselves.

P.S. Have you seen a doctor about these symptoms?

Robert Scott, flying ace, RIP

Robert Scott, an American air ace of World War II, has died, according to the Telegraph.
Brigadier General Robert Scott, who has died aged 97, became an "ace" fighter pilot flying alongside RAF squadrons in Burma against the Japanese in 1942, an experience that he recorded in his classic wartime memoir God is my Co-Pilot; a film of the same name, starring Dennis Morgan as Scott, was released in 1945.

Scott was a flying instructor in California when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor in December 1941. He immediately volunteered for active duty but, at the age of 34, he was deemed too old.

Eventually, falsely claiming that he had flown a B-17 bomber, he managed to be assigned to a bomber force due to make a top-secret raid on Tokyo.

When the operation was cancelled he was in Karachi and was soon appointed operations officer for the Assam-Burma-China Ferry Command, flying supplies across the Himalayas to, among others, General Claire Chennault and his American Volunteer Group (AVG), better known as the "Flying Tigers", who operated in support of Nationalist Chinese forces.

Scott struck up a close friendship with Chennault, and persuaded him to lend him a P-40 Warhawk fighter, supposedly to protect the ferry route from attack. Scott operated over northern Burma and in the defence of Rangoon, the vital port for supplies to China.

In this fighter, which he called Old Exterminator, he carried out many ground-attack sorties against the advancing Japanese army and was soon in combat with enemy fighters: within a few weeks he had destroyed eight.

After the Japanese had occupied Burma, Scott and his pilots continued the fight in western China. The RAF air commander was full of praise for the AVG pilots, commenting: "Their gallantry in action won the admiration of both services."

When the Flying Tigers were disbanded in July 1942 and absorbed into the USAAF, Scott was appointed to command them with the 23rd Fighter Group of the China Air Task Force. By February 1943 he had been credited with destroying 13 aircraft - the authorities would not confirm a further nine probables because his aircraft did not carry a gun camera.

His successes made him one of the first US air "aces" of the war. The enemy placed a reward on Scott's head and he became known as the "one-man air force". After flying 388 combat missions, he returned to the United States....

After his service in China in 1942-43, Scott toured the United States to help sell war bonds before becoming the deputy for operations at the School of Applied Tactics at Orlando, Florida. He returned to China in 1944 to fly rocket-firing fighter-bombers in attacks on rail yards and re-supply lines.

The next year he went to Okinawa to fly similar operations against enemy shipping and remained there until the end of the war. Scott was awarded two Silver Stars, three DFCs and three Air Medals....

....
In October 1957 Scott retired, becoming a prolific writer on aviation subjects; his books included The Day I Owned the Sky and Flying Tiger: Chennault of China. He also lectured widely. In 1980, at the age of 72, he spent 93 days walking and riding a camel along the entire 2,000-mile length of the Great Wall of China.

In 1986 Scott returned to Georgia, ... and immediately became involved in the building and establishment of the Museum of Aviation at Robins Air Base, south of Atlanta. He continued to fly, and on his 88th birthday he flew in a F-15 Eagle fighter and a year later in the B-1 Lancer bomber.

Scott remained very active until the end of his life. In 1996, at the age of 88, he ran with the Olympic torch along a section of Georgia Highway 247 named in his honour.

ACLU leadership also forgets tin hat

Freedom loving Muslim elected to ACLU Florida Board.

Another Baldwin brother goes outdoors without his tin hat

Ever heard of Stephen?

Neither have I.

Thrifty people

We have some very, very dear friends who are, um, thrifty. Their apartment in New York City was not air-conditioned, not because they couldn't get air-conditioning, but because of the cost. We considered air-conditioning, in New York, as about as necessary as running water.

H, the male half of this pair, brought his old shirts on vacation in Europe and threw away a different one a day. He was an accountant and had to wear a suit to work, but no-one said it had to be a good suit. He bought his suits at the 3 for $99 suit store, and dressed like a race-track tout.

Do I have to tell you that clipping coupons was a religion to these people, and that they used the special offers we all get in the mail? They sent in their rebate forms, including the register receipt and bar code, promptly, and wrote angry letters to the company if the rebate check was too slow in coming.

The high, or low, point of their frugal career came when H was thrown out of Burger King for bringing his own soda.

They are now retired, world travelers, and drive a Lexus.

We had air conditioning and paid for soda at Burger King, and drive a Ford.

Invasion of the Summer people

At this time of year the Summer people start to invade. You know who I mean--the guys in t-shirts and shorts when everyone else is at least wearing a jacket. Ladies with their belly-buttons (and everything else) showing. Their numbers increase slowly.
The Winter people, meanwhile, go about their business in ski-jackets, gloves, scarves wrapped around their fragile throats, and heavy gloves. For a while, there is a mix, people dressed as Eskimos vs. those dressed as South Seas Islanders. Gradually, without a shot being fired, the Summer people drive out the Winter people, except for a hardly few who still war their hats, scarves, and turtlenecks.

In the Fall, the process reverses itself. On the first day when the thermometer falls below 60, the Winter People are out in full array, wool hats pulled snugly down to their eyebrows. The Summer people are in the majority, but are clearly on the run.

The Rain people carry an umbrella even if the rains has been stopped for half an hour, or if there is a light mist. The un-Rain people don't consider anything short of a downpour as rain. They leave their umbrellas back in the car because it's not really rain, just a little drizzle. In England, where it is usually raining at least a little, the contrast is most noticeable. If everyone is carrying an (open)umbrella, you know it is a gale force hurricane.

The big rock candy mountain lives!

Kitchen faucet pours beer!
"We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out."

Ht to ace of trumps.

Weird bur funny blog of the day (month, year)

Muhammad and me is one of a kind. Be sure to read the comments. Especially those that threaten death to the cartoonist.

Deja vu all over again.

Simple rules for leading the crunchy con lifestyle

Contra-Crunchy gives instructions:

Thinking about buying a washing machine? Try washing your clothes in the river like your great-great grandmother and countless generations before her! Imagine the conviviality.
Read the whole thing.

Taking hate crimes seriously

The Trouser Quandary discusses new approaches to handling hate crimes:

With the burgeoning number of 'hate-crimes' seemingly always on the increase any form of abuse from sexual, racial or religious right up to the several new laws the government have outlined outlawing such things as ageism, size-ism, smell-ism, hairstyle-ism, looking-a-bit-funny-ism, soft-southern-poof-ism and many more such hateful acts, it seems the need for some new police response is now overwhelming....
Henceforth, not only will a squad of highly trained anti-personal abuse officers be sent to track down the perpetrators of the abuse, the police will also - on receiving a hotline call - dispatch a specially-trained team of personal self-esteem counsellors to try to boost the shattered self-esteem of the victim. "It is important that the feelings of the victim are recognised and sensitively dealt with," said yet another Chief Constable from somewhere probably a long way away from London. "Especially with the chance that the police could end up facing law suits ourselves. So we have instigated a scheme where any victim of a self-esteem attack can call on 24-hour support in case of sudden self-doubt, depression or, even, 'just feeling a bit sad and tearful, really.'"

.

My worst employees

Everyone is blogging up a storm about--their worst, craziest, etc,--employers. Believe me, being the employer is no bed of roses. Here are some of the people I had to deal with:

Fred, the janitor, who used to come in to lock up the library, and ostensibly to clean. By the time we had circled the block, he was out the back door and headed to the bars on Main Street. Fred was subtle; he would leave a rag in a conspicuous place so we would know he had dusted. Fred also had a proprietary attitude toward the trash--he didn't like it if you put anything sizable in the trash can. The staff would hardly ever put anything bigger than a staple in the trash can, so as not to incur the wrath of Fred. When it snowed, Fred was nowhere to be found, neither was our snowblower. Fred was out cleaning other people's walks with our snowblower. For extra money. We had to wait our turn. He was a civil servant, so I couldn't get rid of him. But I could eliminate his job and hire a cleaning service.

Maureen, who used to come in at eight, sign in, and to have her coffee with the other staff, who came in at eight but signed in at nine. She would then skip her lunch and breaks and leave at three o'clock, just when the schoolkids came in and the library was busy. When I called Maureen in to my office to ask why she had not done something, she informed me that I couldn't just tell her what to do; I had to earn her loyalty. Maureen earned her library degree on our dime. She set her schedule to conform with her classes and did homework at her desk. If by any chance she had to get up to help someone, she heaved an exasperated sigh and cast her eyes heavenward. What happened to her? Someone else hired her.

Kris, who came from some persecuted ethnic group like Latka Gravis. The trouble was partly because she used Latka Gravatian at home and hung out with fellow Gravatians, so her English was a little rusty when she did her job, which was reference librarian, for God's sake. K would work if I held a gun to her head, but if I put the gun down she would stop. She sat at her desk reading romance novels and telling anyone who asked her anything that we didn't have it in the library. As awful as she was, she was a warm body and when she took an impromptu vacation I had to take her Saturday!. She finally decided to retire.

Then there was Eddie, the head of circulation who never got to work on time and used to disappear. The children's librarian got the fright of her life when she entered the auditorium and found Eddie sleeping on one of the tables. Eddie was still provisional, so I fired him. It is never fun to fire anyone, but it wasn't too hard in Eddie's case.

These people were at different libraries at different times in my checkered career. Most of the people I worked with were sweethearts who worked hard and were devoted to the patrons and the library. I thanked my lucky stars for them. But, unfortunately, 80 percent of your time is devoted to the problem workers and only 20 percent to everything else.

Swedish sensitivity at work

The Al Jauhara Network: Live from Infidelphia!: Swedish Cops are Suffering from Stockholm Syndrome

The good news--someone stands up for free speech--

The bad news--it's not the US government, but Puerto Rico:

While Cuba played the Netherlands in the World Baseball Classic, a spectator in the stands raised a sign saying: "Down with Fidel," sparking an international incident that escalated Friday with the velocity of a major league fastball.

The image of the man holding the sign behind home plate was beamed live Thursday night to millions of TV viewers _ including those in Cuba. The top Cuban official at the game at Hiram Bithorn Stadium in San Juan rushed to confront the man....

Much to the shock of the Cuban:

Puerto Rican police quickly intervened and took the Cuban official - Angel Iglesias, vice president of Cuba's National Institute of Sports - to a nearby police station, where they lectured him about free speech.

"We explained to him that here the constitutional right to free expression exists and that it is not a crime," police Col. Adalberto Mercado was quoted as saying in El Nuevo Dia, a San Juan daily.

Iglesias must have thought he was still in Cuba.

From Breitbart/ap.

Too bad the federal government is too busy snuggling up to the religion of peace to stand up for the right of free speech.

Some cosmic questions

Johnny Virgil poses some tough questions. Among them:

Why do old people drive so slow? You'd think they'd be in more of a hurry to get everywhere since they don't have much time left.

In my opinion, those old guys with the hats were once young speed demons who ran up lots of speeding tickets. They drive slow now because they are aiming for a lifetime average of 55 mph.

The good news about army deserters...

dressed up as bad news:

If you read USA Today's front page story entitled "8,000 desert during Iraq war," make sure you read the much smaller subtitle of "But overall desertions have fallen since 9/11" and the end of the article which discloses these interesting facts:

(1) In fiscal year 2001 (which ended September 30, 2001), there were 7,978 desertions from the Army, Navy and Air Force. In fiscal 2005 (ending September 30, 2005) there were 3,456. I'm no math wiz, but that's a 50% drop in desertions since the September 11 attacks.

(2) Fiscal 2004 and Fiscal 2005 saw a total of about 8,000 desertions (the 8,000 in the title of the article). Again, I'm no math wiz, but it seems that this 2 year total was essentially the same as the number of deserters in 2001.

(3) The overall desertion rate is 0.24% of the 1.4 million U.S. forces. I'm sure Wal-Mart, General Motors and pretty much ever other large American company has more than 0.24% of their workforce leave one day never to return.

Men love leather

To the Pattersons: (a golden oldie from my archives

I hope you read this. Your phone number must be very similar to ours, because we have been receiving your calls for quite a while. When I am home, I can set them straight, but sometimes my voicemail kicks in. SO, in case you are a blog aficionado, I have some messages for you:

1. Your contractor called with the estimate you requested for the addition to your home;
2. Eleanor (Ruth's sister) says she will be there Saturday night, thanks you for inviting her, and reminds you she is Ruth's sister;
3. Your glasses are ready;
4. Your prescription is ready;
5. It's time for your six-months dental check-up;
6. Your Aunt Mary is upset that you never return her calls. She's left three messages and is very angry--she can easily change her will, you know;
7. You need a new phone number.

The world's daintiest meal

Many years ago, we were invited to dinner by a young couple. He was a graduate student, as was my husband, so we didn't expect much. And we didn't get much, but it was oh so elegant.

For the four of us, our hostess provided a four-egg souffle, accompanied by an itty-bitty green salad and one dinner roll each. Dessert consisted of a half canned pear each, tastefully garnished by four dried cranberries.

After the feast, the male half of the conspiracy trundled out a tea cart laden with a stupefying collection of liqueurs: they had more flavors than Life Savers. I had a banana one and my husband had, I don't know, eye of newt? We gulped these down, pleaded exhaustion, thanked our hosts, and got the hell out of there.

On the way to the subway we passed a Wolfie's restaurant. For those who don't know, Wolfie's served the kind of food that has killed more Jews than Hitler. In a state of hunger-induced trance, we entered, and were restored to sanity by hot pastrami sandwiches and beer.

Congress panders to ignorance and prejudice

From the Telegraph, the hypocrisy and general know-nothingness of our elected representatives:

Both Democrats and Republicans are seeking to prevent Dubai Ports World from taking control of container terminals in New York, Newark, New Orleans, Baltimore, Miami and Philadelphia. The state-owned operator would assume leases previously held by Britain's P&O, which it has bought for £3.9 billion.

The case against the Dubai company is that it is part of the Muslim world, the chief source of global terror. This crude piece of chauvinism fails to distinguish between a hostile Islamic state, such as Iran, and one that is a staunch ally of Washington in a strategically crucial region.

Through tourism, transport and business, Dubai is preparing for the day when its oil runs out. Such foresight should be welcomed, not penalised. To block DP World from inheriting P&O assets in the six ports would be highly damaging to America's reputation in a region where it needs all the friends it can get.

Such strategic considerations cut little ice with the likes of Republican House Appropriations chairman Jerry Lewis and Democratic Senator Hillary Clinton, both of whom are seeking re-election in November.

The country's best interests matter little to these cynical, totally unserious politicians.

Bears loved Mr Treadwell...

so much they ate him.

Treadwell was a self declared “gentle warrior” protecting the bears from poaching. He got his hands on the money to continue his self promotion through fundraisers and campaigns where he told the celebrities and other contributors he was certain the bears would be killed by poachers without his protection. ...
Alaskan wildlife expert Tom Smith (a biologist at the Alaska Science Center) says that sporadic poaching in the wildlife preserves isn’t much of a problem and doesn’t pose a credible threat to Alaska’s population of 35,000 brown bears. As a matter of fact, the bears aren’t listed as an endangered species in Alaska. Most of the bears killed by humans in the wildlife parks of Alaska are killed by park rangers and other officials for being too confrontational or familiar with humans. According to the park service, bears become this way when they overcome their natural fear of humans because of too much human contact. In other words, people feed or interact with the bears, therefore the bears look at people as not a threat or a source of food, therefore the bears seek out dangerous human contact and the rangers have to shoot them. So, by singing to bears, reading them stories, giving them names (like Squiggle, Czar, Buttercup and Mr. Chocolate) and “playing” with them, this self proclaimed bear “protector” could have easily been the reason for bears getting shot by rangers. The only thing this guy was a protector of was his own ego and desire for fame. Chuck Bartlebaugh, Missoula, Montana resident and director of the national safety campaign, Be Bear Aware, told the Anchorage, Alaska newspaper that he was deeply concerned about the example Treadwell was demonstrating: "We have a trail of dead people and dead bears because of this trend that says, 'Let's show it's not dangerous.’” Tim Smith agreed with the statement, saying "Bears are not people, or even remotely like people, bears are bears, and the sooner we treat them as bears instead of humans in a bear suit it will be less dangerous for both the bears and the people." On camera, Treadwell dismissed the dangerous nature of the bears with quips like “…they won’t eat me…they think I’m another bear… they know I’m their protector and they love me…” ....
Regarding the whole getting eat up by a bear thing, that had to suck. ...


My final thoughts on the subject are this: the guy was seeking fame and he achieved it at a very high price. His hubris is to be admonished, not glorified. Some of his defenders claim that getting ate up by the bears was the “…culmination of his life’s work.” Biologist Tom Smith asks "If you consider yourself a friend to bears, and want to project a positive image about them, how is getting two bears and yourself and your girlfriend killed a culmination of your life's work?” I can’t think of anything that expresses my sentiments more accurately.

_________________________________________________________________

Doctor wanted, psychic preferred

Mr. Charm employs the strong, silent approach to doctors. He presents the body for inspection, and the doctor is supposed to intuit what, if anything, is wrong with him. If the MD really knows his stuff, he should be able to figure out what is wrong.

Of course, he never goes to the doctor if he actually feels bad. Every winter he has what he refers to as "this cold," as in "I wish this cold would go away," or, "Boy, am I tired of this cold." "This cold," as opposed to your common or garden variety of sniffles, is the Godzilla of respiratory infections. It lasts 8-10 weeks.

He obviously has allergies; he coughs and sneezes frequently, and often scores a Zyrtec from my stash. I asked him why he doesn't ask the doctor to give him Zyrtec; he says there is nothing wrong with him. Anyway, he can use my Zyrtec.

Also, he frequently complains (to me) that he aches all over. When I ask if he ever mentioned this to the doctor, he of course says no. He has diagnosed himself with a hopeless case of arthritis, totally irreversible and unresponsive to medical intervention. Why bother the doctor when the case is hopeless?

He once had a problem with his ear, and went to an ear doctor, who cleaned out his ears and told him he needed a hearing aid. Needless to say, he gave that doctor a wide berth from then on. The man was obviously a trouble-maker in league with the hearing aid-industrial complex and doing their evil bidding.

It was the same story when he started to need reading glasses; there was nothing wrong with his eyes, it was just too dark in the restaurant to read the menu. Any restaurant, any menu. After a couple of years of this, he got reading glasses.

And so it goes.

Vicar resigns; cannot forgive her daughter's murderers

How refreshingly honest of her.

The Rev Julie Nicholson said she was having difficulty reconciling her feelings over her daughter's death with her role as a priest at St Aidan Church in the St George area of Bristol.

Jenny Nicholson, 24, who lived with her boyfriend in Reading, Berkshire, died in the explosion at Edgware Road Tube station.

Mrs Nicholson today admitted she was struggling to forgive the men who murdered her daughter - and intended to step down from her position as a parish priest.

"It's very difficult for me to stand behind an altar and celebrate the Eucharist Communion and lead people in words of peace and reconciliation and forgiveness when you feel very far from that myself," she told the BBC's Inside Out programme.

Our prayers are with her.

Condi Rice kicks butt

From Chainik hocker:

Hugo Chavez’s body was recovered from the trunk of an abandoned 1989 Crown Victoria in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, this morning. It was not immediately clear how the 51-year-old Venezuelan president died, or what he was doing in Brooklyn.

Lt. Irish McStereotype, head of the NYPD’s Brooklyn North Homicide Task Force, stated that President Chavez’s body was “riddled with buckshot”, but said that this was not the cause of death. He did say that a note was attached to the body. Sources within the Department tell us that the note read “Don’t call me ‘girl’”. “Dead Eye” Dick Cheney, Vice President of a prominent country, was being held for questioning at the 81st Precinct, but Lt. McStereotype refuse to name him as a suspect.

President Chavez had been in the news recently after a provocative speech in which he said, addressing US Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice, in which he said in part “Don't mess with me Condoleezza. Don't mess with me, girl.” ...

At an unrelated briefing last night, the press questioned Secretary Rice about Vice President Cheney’s possible involvement in a homicide so soon after the “hunting accident” that left a Houston trial lawyer in the hospital. Dr. Rice responded “Cheney? That old white man couldn’t kill Chavez even if he got all his Secret Service homeboys to help. I killed that crazy Mexican myself. I even left a note. Da-yum, you reporters be stupid. Cheney? Probably have hisself a heart attack, he ever tried killin some fool Mexican.” When a reporter pointed out that Chavez had been Venezuelan, Secretary Rice began pistol-whipping him.

The press briefing broke up soon after that.

Very un-PC--but funny--read the whole thing.

Weather report

In California, 60 degree temperatures are a signal to bundle up, in a turtleneck shirt, sweater, jacket and gloves. In Delaware, 60 is considered boiling hot and the natives wear shorts and short-sleeve t-shirts.

Some of the Californians I know truly believe that there is no need for air-conditioning. Well, they admit, a few days (read three months) are over 90, but the nights are cool. These folks are spending $100,000 for a driveway, so it's not a question of money.

I love air-conditioning. We didn't have it when I was growing up in Ohio, and we used to sleep outside on a blanket, sneaking into the house in the early morning. Or else we went to the movies, which were cooled to about 60, maybe 65. Old people got hypothermia in the movies, but they didn't care. When you came out of the movies, you were immediately covered with sweat. So you tried the other remedy. You ate ice cream or drank soda or lemonade or beer. While this did not change the temperature, it tasted good and made you forget the heat. Particularly the beer, if you drank enough of it.

Get out of voice mail jail free

Everyone should add this database to their favorites. It contains tips on how to talk to a real live person. Whether you can understand him/her or not, this is a good first step.

Of course, if companies could provide proper service in the first place, none of this would be necessary.

One victory for our side.

So who's in jail?

Turns out it's the Democrats:

Of course, the Democrats would seem to be the perfect party to run on a "culture of corruption" campaign... given their intimate experience with the subject over the last 30 years. Since 1976, 13 members of Congress have been convicted in criminal court and sent to prison.

Of the 13... 11 are Democrats.

Or maybe the Republicans, plutocrats that they are, could just afford to hire better lawyers. Or bribe more judges. Or both.

Naahh--when it comes to bribing judges (or anyone else) the Dems are second to none.

Art appreciation

By trouserquand, whose threatened desertion of the blogosphere was canceled, thank heaven!

Animal testing is evil! evil!

If you don't believe me, read this:

They take eye shadow and shove it into the eyes of some unsuspecting rabbit. This burns and irritates the rabbit's eyes. I know this for a fact because the other day I was shampooing and I looked up and a *massive* blob of shampoo went into my eye.... Holy f'ing shit it hurt.

The pain is why I am so pissed off about animal testing. I mean what the fuck - was my rabbit asleep at the switch? What the hell is your point of you don't thump your lucky foot and let them know the Pantene fucking burns? God dammit you are useless to me rabbit.

I can't get behind this anti-animal testing stuff. Who should they test the stuff on? New born babies? Harvard College faculty (hey, not a bad idea!)? Prisoners at Abu Ghraib?

I actually participated in cosmetic testing when I lived in NJ. Every week for 6-8 weeks you would go to the lab, where they would dab you with chemicals and cover them with patches. One or two of the substances hurt, and they took it off. After the testing period was over, they washed the affected area and gave you money, which was nice, and tax-free.

So, speaking as a human guinea pig, it wasn't so bad. Or maybe the poor rabbit got all the chemicals which failed the New Jersey inhabitant test and I only got all the good stuff.

If United Airlines employees had to live on tips...

they would all be destitute. On my trip to California, the seat they had me booked for was non-existent. They managed to shoehorn me in, between an Indian gentleman who kept talking to me in accents I couldn't understand, and a 350-lb guy who had lifted the armrest between us so I would have 80 percent of my space and he would have 20. I desperately needed 100 percent. I'm short, but I do have arms and legs which need to be accommodated.

The Overgrown One also exuded a smell, rather like yeast, but distasteful after about half an hour. What he lacked in physical appeal he made up for in lack of charm. Every time the Indian gent or I had to go to the bathroom, he made a tremendous to-do about having to get up--not saying anything, but passive aggression to the max, in looks and sighs. Rinse and repeat for 6 fun-filled hours.

On the way back, I was supposed to have an aisle seat, and asked the flight attendant about it. She told me to sit down and she would look for one after we were in the air. Needless to say, she must have parachuted out because I never saw her again, but I ruthlessly grabbed an aisle seat anyway. I noticed that the seats up front had more legroom than those in the back. This was my first experience ever of sitting near the front. Obviously the airline has assigned me to watch the motors and wings to see that the first doesn't catch fire and the second doesn't fall off. I've always done this very well in the past, but they managed to fly the plane without my help this time.

There was of course the inevitable circling of the airport--piece of cake. But then we landed, they turned off the air-conditioning, and we had to wait while they pulled the jetway up to the plane. I now know how dogs must feel when they are left in a parked car.

The Philadelphia airport believes in aerobic exercise so you get to walk about 1 1/2
miles to the baggage claim with the heat turned up to a nice cozy 88 degrees.

Anyway, I'm back.

A post from the edge...

the other edge, of the country, I mean. California is living up to its sunny reputation today. I am using someone else's computer just to mention one horrific fact I have discovered.

IE doesn't display my sidebars! (I normally use Mozilla Firefox.) The other kids' sidebars appear on their websites, but mine are invisible. Another reason, if it is needed, to hate Bill Gates.

See you in a week

Every time I go away somewhere, my already pitiful numbers shrink even further; then they come up again, s-l-o-w-l-y.

So, I have to tell you, I will be in sunny California for a week, starting tomorrow. Those few of you who stop by here, come back in a week, maybe ten days.

By the way, are you guys all the strong, silent type. How about some comments? Nothing bad, mind you. Just stop by and say hello.

A thoughtful article

This is a very, very long post, but every word is important:

I am thinking of a word that keeps popping up whenever the Mohammed cartoons are mentioned.

That word is BUT. A sneaky word. It is used to deny or qualify what one has just said.

How many times lately have we not heard people of power, the Opinion Makers and others say that of course we have freedom of speech, BUT.

They have said it, all of them, from Kofi Annan, the UN Secretary General, to our own Bendt Bendtsen [a Danish Politician]. Once we had to be sensitive to the easily hurt feelings of the Nazis, then came the Communists, now it is the Islamists. The reason I say ‘Islamists’ is that I do not for a moment believe all the world’s Muslims are pissing on us. I think we are dealing with thugs, fools and misled people. Those are the ones we have to deal with, and then the chickenshit politicians.That is why I say: Freedom of Speech is Freedom of Speech is Freedom of Speech. There is no but....

Initially I was doubtful of the timeliness of publishing the cartoons. Later events have convinced me that it was both just and useful to do so. That they are consistent with Danish law and Danish custom seem to me less important than this: that we now know that remote, primitive countries deem themselves justified in telling us what to do. Unfortunately we must also note that governments close to us are agreeing with them in the name of expedience.

Hooray for the cartoons! Hooray for Denmark! Shame on our lily-livered politicians!

Barf-making titles

From First Post:

The Quay brothers have called their new film The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes. Big mistake. It may well be a masterpiece but I'm sorry, that title is pretentious and whimsical and goes straight into my sin bin, next to The Legend of the Pianist on the Ocean and The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.

The history of cinema is replete with off-putting titles. Painful experience has taught me that the words "hotel" or "circus" should be approached with caution since they're invariably metaphor alerts.

While we're talking about straining for metaphors, how about rock groups? The Beatles was a fine name, so is the Rolling Stones. But the rest of them should be called the Royal Pain in the Ass. It would be no stupider than what they call themselves.

Ht to Dustbury.

Was Bush president in 1945?

Happy ashura, you maniacs

From Dave Nalle:

To Shiite Muslims, this is the holy week of Muharram, when they honor the death of Imam Hussein, the grandson of Mohammed in a battle fought at Karbala in the 7th century. The height of this festival is the day of Ashura, which was Thursday

You may wonder how one celebrates an important holiday like this. Do you have cake and ice cream? Do you exchange presents? Do you solemnly light a candle in memory of these brave soldiers of the faith? Do you go down to the mosque and say a prayer? Or do you, perhaps, parade through the streets beating yourself bloody with a flail made of steel chain, while intermittently whacking your young sons on the head with a sword until their faces run red with blood?

In a sane and civilized culture one of the other modes of celebration would prevail, but among Shia throughout the Muslim world, the bloody parade of penitential violence and ritualistic child abuse is preferred. The practice is particularly important in Iraq where huge parades took place in the major cities and the streets ran with blood. The largest celebrations were in Karbala where 2 million pilgrims crowded the streets.

Under Saddam Hussein the Ashura rituals were banned throughout Iraq, and Iran, effectively ruled by a Shiite theocracy, also bans the festival. In both cases Ashura was banned because of the religious violence and fanatic excesses associated with the holiday. However, under the new government in Iraq, Ashura was openly celebrated last year for the first time in decades and was celebrated again this year. Government troops turned out to protect the marchers, dressed all in black rather than in their official uniforms....

n the West we think we live in a rational world.... But reason and the more extreme forms of Islam have nothing at all in common. We think that we can negotiate anything, that everyone has a price or at least a sensible motivation for what they do. But the more we are exposed to the nature of Islam by direct contact and through worldwide media the more it becomes clear that our rational paradigms just do not apply.

You cannot negotiate with fanatics. You cannot use logic to understand the actions of madmen. You cannot reason with people who are inherently irrational. As a society a large portion of the Islamic world is dangerously, violently psychopathic, and as contact with them continues they will either contaminate the rest of the world or drag us all into bloody conflict. You don't reason with a rabid dog. You either shoot it or it bites you and you get rabies too.

The triumph of hope over experience

Mr Charm and I went to Staples yesterday. He wanted to buy an office chair, a real bargain, but it was too big to fit in the car assembled. I suggested he purchase it unassembled. He said it cost only $5 to purchase it already assembled. I said it wouldn't fit into the car. He said it was a real bargain. I said...well, you see where this is going?

I went to the courtesy counter to buy stamps, and when I went outside to the car, there was Mr Charm and an assembled chair. Which would not fit into the car. Mr C kept trying to shoehorn it into the car but despite his best efforts the chair refused to shrink and the car refused to expand.

He then tried to take the chair apart. But it was really well assembled. Efforts to take the car apart also failed.

After about 30 minutes of heavy breathing, muttered curses and turning dangerously red in the face, the score stood at: Ford Motor Co 1; Mr Charm 0.

We returned the assembled chair. And bought an unassembled chair. Which fit into the trunk with the greatest of ease.

But Mr C remained huffily silent all the way home.

I am tracked down

Well, I suppose it had to happen--the local Jewish federation have found me, after less than six months in Delaware. Or else they put their hand in a hat and drew out my name.

I got a coy letter from them today, suggesting that it would be so much easier for me if they could just have my e-mail address so I could receive their passionate pleas for money without walking to the mailbox.

I will probably do it, if only to save a tree or two.

Why doesn't the CIA contract out the search for Osama bin Laden to the Jewish federation? They can find anyone.

Another blogger quits on me

Trouserquand is quitting? I think? It's difficult to be sure:

Tonight, as the weasels ululate to the setting sun, and the few remaining feral hairstylists in the woods below return to their nests to roost, Matilda and I will don our bondage gear and oil the badger for the final time, before making our way up to the very rooftop of Quandary Towers.

Once there we will, in a ceremony that dates back to just after tea-time yesterday, lower the Standard of the Noble Order Of The Trouser Quandaries* for the very last time.

Yes, my little stapling machine, it is true that all good things must come to an end, and the same applies to those things that on rare occasion reach the heights of mediocrity such as this… er… whatever it is.

I hope he's just pulling my leg.

From Retecool:

  

A great story

How to call the police for help

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

C
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story)

Courtesy of Donald Sensing.

Dismay at Irving's trial and sentencing

[T]he author and academic Deborah Lipstadt, who Irving unsuccessfully sued for libel in the UK in 2000 over claims that he was a Holocaust denier, said she was dismayed.

"I am not happy when censorship wins, and I don't believe in winning battles via censorship... The way of fighting Holocaust deniers is with history and with truth," she told the BBC News website.

I have to agree with Lipstadt, as much fun as it is to see Irving get his comeuppance--censorship is not the way to go.

Thanks to Rachel.

Lower emission standards mean more dead people

From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

California, known for setting the cultural zeitgeist, deserves equal notoriety for exporting another dubious product: bad policy. A current example is a proposal to replicate California's vehicle emissions rules in Pennsylvania, which includes a provision aimed at reducing greenhouse gas emissions.

Regardless of any merit in addressing the earth's climate - even Golden State regulators concede it will be scarcely marginal - the biggest effect by far will be an increase in activity for Pennsylvania's trauma doctors, grief counselors and grave diggers.

Here's why: The only way to reduce vehicular greenhouse gas emissions is to reduce fuel consumption. Reducing fuel consumption requires either building vehicles with much more expensive technologies or reducing their size. Contrary to wishful thinking and urban legend, miracle technology to dramatically improve fuel economy without major trade-offs neither exists nor is on the horizon. Larger vehicles - including full-size autos, trucks and SUVs - will be forced to go the way of the dodo bird. Physics and history both inform us that making vehicles smaller will result in significantly more deaths and injuries.

The wonderful-sounding chimera of trade-off-free vehicles that go farther on a gallon of $2.50 gasoline disappears into ugly reality when one understands that such a transaction is quite literally a trade of blood for oil.

That's because the laws of physics are enforced with brutal clarity when vehicles collide. Bigger is safer when all other factors, such as air bags and stability control systems, are held equal. What's more, nearly four in 10 small-vehicle fatalities are single-vehicle events, not collisions with other vehicles. What size vehicle would you rather be driving if you had the misfortune of smashing into a utility pole?

The unhappy reality that small cars are the most dangerous passenger vehicles on the road was just confirmed in a report by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. The study showed that the compact-car fatality rate is almost 50 percent higher than that for full-size SUVs.

No better summation of the inherent dichotomy of fuel economy and safety exists than was offered in August by the NHTSA's administrator at the time, Jeffrey Runge, himself a trauma doctor: "Every tenth of mile a gallon that we raise [vehicle fuel economy standards] beyond what is technologically feasible, we kill people."

Indeed, we now have decades of real-world experience analyzed by numerous academic, government and insurance studies. Consider:

In 2002, the National Academy of Sciences affirmed that earlier fuel-economy-driven vehicle downsizing resulted in 1,300 to 2,600 additional deaths annually, confirming a previous NHTSA report's conclusions.

Researchers from the Harvard School of Public Health and the Brookings Institution estimate the initial wave of vehicle downsizing in the 1970s and early 1980s increased occupant deaths by 14 to 27 percent.

A report using government and insurance data found that, by 1999, downsizing had caused the deaths of more than 46,000 Americans. Factoring in ensuing years, deaths now likely eclipse 57,000 - nearly the equivalent a sold-out Eagles game.

I can attest to the fact that smaller cars are unsafe in collisions. A couple of years ago, I was driving a Geo Prizm, a snappy little car which got great gas mileage. I laughed when I drove past gas stations. But I stopped laughing fast when the car was struck on the left side, just in front of the driver's seat, in the middle of an intersection. My car took a 180 degree turn, and pieces started to fly off of it: bolts, nuts, screws, portions of the hood and the radiator. The car was virtually cut in two. I tried to steer it to the side of the road, but it was imoperable. I got out of the car intact, without a scratch.

I was so gobsmacked that I couldn't even regret the loss of the car. Miraculously, I was totally unhurt. A few inches difference would have found me blogging from a far better place.

After the obsequies, the police, the tow truck, etc., my husband picked me up and we went shopping for an armored vehicle.

Telling off the cowards in the media

From the American Enterprise, an analysis of the religion of peace:

I

t turns out not a single TV network and only two newspapers...have dared publish the dozen Danish cartoons that have set off riots around the world. Even the New York Press, which once ran a whole column in which a writer described removing a boil from his scrotum, has chickened out. Four staff members quit in protest last week after the top brass backed down.

Whence this newfound humility? Well, everybody�s mumbling something about �respect for religion� and �not wanting to offend anybody,� but the real reason is transparent. They�re scared to death. Publishing portraits of rock stars posing as Jesus or putting naked movie stars on the cover of Vanity Fair�that�s all in a day's work. Only a bunch of hillbillies down in Arkansas will be offended. But publishing a cartoon of Mohammed with a bomb in his turban�now that�s serious. Somebody might start throwing rocks or set off a bomb in the office. Best to duck our heads on this one. Trading brickbats with government officials is one thing; doing something risky is quite another.

My question is, what�s the difference? Nothing we say or do will make Muslims like us any better. Islam has been beating down the door of Western Civilization since the time of Charlemagne. They conquered Spain, took Constantinople in 1453, besieged Vienna in 1529 and again in 1683. The Turks blew up the Parthenon in 1687 and fighting between Greeks and Turks continued into this century. The Balkans became the �powder keg of Europe� once the Turks invaded.

And it isn�t just us. Islam is at war with every civilization on its borders. They�re fighting with India, with China, with African tribes in Sudan. Nor do Muslims ever stop fighting among themselves. The whole history of Islam is a story of a group of dissidents going out into the desert, deciding the religion practiced by the elites was not the �true Islam,� and crashing back upon the cities to seize power. The word �assassins� comes from a Persian cult whose members drugged themselves with hashish before carrying out suicide attacks. The Muslim Brotherhood and al-Qaeda are just the latest of a long, long line.

Islam is a culture that has never learned to curb male violence. All it can do is export it.
So what can we poor Americans to do except hold another �Multicultural Appreciation Day?�

Read the whole thing. Atlanta rofters provided the link.

Musical sneakers

From Tan, the next new thing.

water words

show how busy you are:

* I'm swamped
* I'm drowning
* I'm barely able to keep my head above water
* I'm barely able to tread water
* I'm flooded
* I'm in over my head
* I'm sinking

A gratuitous remark

From the New York Times Book Review, in a review of two books about Lincoln>

Yet by the end, while still a religious skeptic, Lincoln, too, seemed to equate the preservation of the Union and the freeing of the slaves with some higher, mystical purpose.

This is the spooky Lincoln, the politician who can send a small chill up the spine. Considering the repulsiveness of the cause he opposed (no, it wasn't "states' rights") and the universal hope offered by American democracy in the 19th and 20th centuries, it is easy to understand such feelings. But one feels a good deal queasier contemplating a president less thoughtful and tempered than Lincoln, who enjoys a special relationship with our armed forces, is willing to play fast and loose with the Constitution and justifies his policies as part of God's great plan.

Question: who is this less thoughtful president? And what the hell does he have to do with Lincoln, or a book about Lincoln?

Bush is the King Charles' head of liberals.*

*A character in David Copperfield could not stop thinking about King Charles' head when he got confused.

Ever wonder what happened to Harper Lee?

She is alive and well and living in Alabama.

After To Kill A Mockingbird came out in 1960, winning the Pulitzer Prize a year later, she went back to Monroeville, the little town in Alabama where she and Capote were brought up. She never left, and the woman who once said she wanted to be the Jane Austen of south Alabama has never written another book....
The only clue to her seclusion came in her last personal interview, in 1964. She said of her book: "I was hoping for a quick and merciful death at the hands of reviewers, but at the same time I sort of hoped that maybe someone would like it enough to give me encouragement - public encouragement. I hoped for a little, but I got rather a whole lot, and in some ways this was just about as frightening as the quick, merciful death I'd expected."

So her escape from death was an escape back to her childhood: she still shares a house in Monroeville with her 94-year-old sister, Alice, who, like their father, the role model for Atticus Finch in the book, is a lawyer.

The people of Monroeville regularly hold re-enactments of the To Kill A Mockingbird trial in the old town courtroom, where Harper Lee's father and sister appeared - and, in the case of the latter, appear: Alice is still a practising lawyer. Harper never attends the re-enactments.

Cows for dummies

From silent running, which got it from ramblestrip,, an explanation of the international cow situation.

Read it yourself.

Naked blogging for Mohammed

I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

Human skeleton takes a stand against obesity

The Golden State's first lady Maria Shriver will be the honorary chairperson of a glittering gathering of the Hollywood power elite.

The purpose of the get together? To chew the fat about obesity and figure out a way to help solve the weighty American problem.

Have some chicken soup and a chocolate milkshake, Maria, and get over it.

Please sign this petition

From an Iranian woman activist:

To: All human rights supporters

Please help end the mass killing of political prisoners in Iran

Independent news sources have confirmed the recent execution of Hojat Zamani, a political prisoner in Gohardasht, Iran. Another political prisoner, Morteza Bozorgian, was denied basic living conditions whilst in prison and died due to extreme cold. Recently a young journalist, Elham Afrootan, reprinted an originally anonymous article critical of the government in a local newspaper and was imprisoned. Fear of government reprisals drove her to attempt suice, and she is now in a critical condition.

Relatives of other prisoners report of death threats made by officials to the political prisoners stating that “they will be executed one by one if Iran’s nuclear activity is referred to the UN Security Council”. 150 executions have been reported since the election of Ahmadinejad to power in June 2005. The Islamic regime has regressed to the years of terror in the ‘80s, during which time mass executions of political prisoners took place, with their bodies unceremonially dumped in mass graves that were only discovered by accident.

We call upon all human rights supporters, activists and organisations to notify their governments of these atrocities. We urge international human rights organisations to send representatives to Iran to investigate these violations of human rights. We ask them to pressure the government of Iran to free all political prisoners, including all workers, students and bloggers, and to help prevent further widespread mass execution of the prisoners. We ask all freedom supporters to unite in condemning these atrocities by forwarding this petition to friends, family and international media. Unless we speak out in unison, we face the very real possibility of an imminent mass killing of political prisoners in Iran jails by the Islamic Republic of Iran.

Bad drivers

Citizen of the month had an old post about how awful older drivers are. I want to tell you, you don't have to be old to be a rotten driver. My mother and both her brothers were born that way.

My aunt and one of my cousins were shopping when they were almost run over by a driverless car. It was my mother. My mother was really short and she had to crane her neck to see over the steering wheel.

When she was younger, she used to drive really fast, because she was always in a hurry. My uncle used to call her car "Goldie's airplane." She got in a couple of fender benders and realized she had to change her ways: so she drove really, really, excruciatingly slow. At least no-one got killed that way. My mother never parked her car--she abandoned it, more or less at the curb. If the car was on the right side of the street, that was enough. Why be a perfectionist?

My Uncle Abe had a devil-may-care approach. If he wanted to change lanes, he put on his turn signal and did it. Looking to see if anyone was in said lane was for sissies. He didn't like to drive, and usually had a friend or hanger-on to take him where he wanted to go. My aunt finally took over and ended his driving career. He, also, never killed anybody, but that was sheer good luck.

My Uncle Max, on the other hand, was slow and cautious. He was a trend-setter--the first person in the US to go 25 mph in the left hand lane. He also wore a hat, which is mandatory for slow-left-laners.

My brother, who had occasion to ride with all of the above, is a nervous wreck. He also drives s-l-o-w-l-y and has been known to stop dead in the middle of traffic to holler at his three manic kids. For a while, he wore a crash helmet while driving, but we shamed him out of it. He is also a terrible passenger, shouting, "Oh, my God" at the least, or no provocation. Once I was driving on the New Jersey Turnpike, taking him to the airport, and his cries of alarm were so loud that I suggested that he get out of the car and hitchhike.

Fortunately, I take after my father's side of the family. My father, at the age of 93, used to drive up to Connecticut every other week to visit his girlfriend. He's 94 now, and remarried. But my Uncle Ed, his brother, just gave up his car a year ago, at 97, when he went into assisted living.

Demonstrators

  

Tinkerty tonk admires the Arab "street" ..

for its tenacity:

It's hard to stay outraged for months at a time. I know it takes me some time to work myself up to a frenzy and, once I've torched a building or two, I'm spent. I couldn't possibly work myself up to that degree every day for months on end.

That must be what gives the Arab world its glorious civilization. Oh, wait--they haven't done anything since 1492? Except kill people? Wait till the caliphate returns!

A pioneer of aviation

In honor of Black History Month, I am re-posting my appreciation of Albert Forsythe:

Albert E. Forsythe, black aviation pioneer, 1897-1986
Dr. Albert Forsythe and his comrade in arms, C. Alfred Anderson, did much to advance opportunities for African Americans in the new field of aviation during the nineteen thirties.
Forsythe, a doctor by profession, persuaded Anderson, one of the first African Americans to receive a pilot's license, to join him in a series of daring and historic flights, known as "good will " flights, to show the world that black pilots could do anything white pilots could do. At the time it was the received wisdom that African Americans were inferior to whites and incapable of being pilots.

Their first flight was from Atlantic City, NJ, where Forsythe was practicing medicine, to Los Angeles. According to Forsythe, "The trip was purposely made to be hazardous and rough, because if it had been an ordinary flight, we wouldn't have attracted attention."

So they took off, equipped only with a compass and an altimeter--with no radio, lights, or parachutes. To guide them, they had a Rand-McNally road map, which flew out of Forsythe's hands on the return flight. Despite stormly weather, they successfully completed the flight.

Their second flight, from Atlantic City to Montreal, was also successful and made them the first black pilots to fly over an international border.

By this time, the pair had achieved a good deal of publicity, so they launched their next flight, a trip to the Caribbean and South America, with a ceremony at Tuskegee Institute, with hundreds of students and faculty, and with Booker T Washington's granddaughter in attendance.

They departed in November, 1934. This was to be their most difficult flight. In many of their destinations there were no runways or landing fields, and they were forced to land on a playing field or a city street.

In Nassau, Bahamas, Forsythe's hometown, his friends cut down brush and moved telephone poles to create a makeshift landing strip. It was a historic trip--nothing but seaplanes had ever landed there before. They were greeted ceremoniously by the governor, before a tumultous crowd.

They had equally enthusiastic receptions in Kingston, Havana and Santiago, Cuba, Kingston, Jamaica, and Trinidad. But as they left Trinidad, a strong tailwind forced them off course and they crashed, seriously damaging the plane. The rest of the trip was aborted.

Nevertheless, they were honored and feted when they returned home with a big parade in Newark, NJ, in September 1935.

Having proved his point, Forsythe returned to the practice of medicine. "My main business was medicine....I was not interested in becoming involved much in aviation. We just made a series of flights for the sole purpose of opening the road for blacks who wanted to fly."

After many years of medical practice, Forsythe died in 1986. At his funeral, a tribute from the Mayor of Atlantic City was read, mourning his death as a loss to Atlantic City, to New Jersey, and to "the people in the forefront of making history for black people throughout the world."

Cheney in distress, laments shooting

Cheney now “deeply regrets” decision to hunt with his favored reproduction Winchester Parker 28ga, which meant that “he just didn’t have the firepower to blow through Harry and still bag the quail.” The bird flew to safety, forcing the Vice President to concede that he should have been hunting with his 12ga autoloader, which would have covered every contingency during the hunt.

The Vice President is going to take “a few days off” to recover from the error in judgement.

From pointfive.

Nine things I hate about Jimmy Carter

9. He was sworn into office as Jimmy, not James.

8. He took foreign policy advice from his teenage daughter, Amy.

7. He followed Amy's advice.

6. He bragged about following Amy's advice in speeches.

5. He loved dictators.

4. He talked about "strange malaise." We were malaisy because he was President. When Reagan became president, we were fine.

3. His teeth.

2. He knuckled under to the hostage takers instead of sending them to collect their supply of virgins.

1. He wore a sweater like Mr Rogers.

Goodbye!

and good luck! One of my blogfriends is giving it up in April. Dang! I can't afford to lose too many who visit this site: you few, you happy few, you band of brothers! (and sisters).

Apologies to Wm Shakespeare.

Oy vey!

I have been reliably informed that there are people in this country who don't know what oy vey means.

True story: when I was in the hospital right after knee surgery, the woman in the next bed kept up a constant moaning of oy vey, or sometimes just oy the lite version. When I mentioned this to my father, who came to visit me, he protested, "But she's black."

Nevertheless, I heard her say oy vey for about 18 hours. The other six of the 24 were given over to exhortations to Jesus.

My Swedish-Scotch-Irish-possibly German son-in-law says it in a midwestern accent.

Oy vey is the international language of woe. In fact, I believe it can be translated roughly as "Woe is me." It expresses misery, pain, dismay, the whole tragic view of life. Saying oy vey over and over is called "kvetching." But lets not get into that.

Yemen: share the hate

From armies of liberation:

The Yemeni regime has a new label to target its reformers, opposition and civil leaders: “pro-Dutch.” (The regime employs a variety of stereotypes to label its opponents in an effort to turn public opinion against them: Zionist, Separatist, Houthi, Terrorist, Mason, American-leaning and Treasonous, to name a few.

)

I believe the Hamas founding document states that the Jews are behind the Masons, so the Masonic Order is a two-fer.

Glenn Reynolds lets them have it

My beliefs are offended when gangs of ignorant thugs burn embassies, and where is the respect for my beliefs? Do I need to burn embassies to get respect for my beliefs? Because that's the message CNN sends. The message they send is, We will reward violence. And you're going to get more of what you reward, that's how it works.On CNN, Reynolds

fights back.

Embroider that on a pillow and send a copy to George W (religion of peace) Bush to display in the White House.

Dennis Ross doesn't know...

it takes two to tango, or to negotiate. Soccer dad says it succinctly:

The bottom line is that American participation is irrelevant. Unless there's a change in the Palestinian view of Israel there will never be peace. To pretend otherwise is intellectually dishonest. After eight years of active involvement in peace processing it's a shame that Ross hadn't learned that at all.

Ross and the Arabs remind me of Charlie Brown, Lucy, and the football.

The New York Times--ever sensitive

Potfrey offers a satirical take on the Times:

The New York Times, in a clear effort to take the lead in mollifying the world’s Islamic community over the Danish Mohammed cartoons, reprinted an image of a dung-covered Madonna this week to steer global dialogue back to the evils of Christianity....

According to a Times’ spokeswoman, the decision to run the image again this week reflects the consensus of the editorial staff that the newspaper had a responsibility to reduce Islamic outrage around the globe by irritating the hell out of the majority of Americans....

We felt the Dung-Covered Madonna could get us back to talking about the myth of virgin birth and the dangers of the Christian right.”

The Times felt that Islamic fanatics would find the image soothing, and is air-dropping extra copies into many areas around the globe where unrest has been most violent. The image will also be available for download on the Times' website.

“We have a responsibility to reduce hate,” said Delaney. “And the Islamic community is rightfully offended by the utter insensitivity of the Danish cartoons. And free speech is fine until it freaks out a group capable of reducing your New York headquarters to rubble. Then it’s just a ‘nice-to-have.’”

Delaney was unmoved when asked if the paper feared a backlash from American Christians.

“Oh please,” she said. “Are you serious? What are they going to do, send us prayer booklets? They rant a bit, and then go back to….whatever people in red states do. I mean, how can you get angry about a little dung on your so-called Virgin Mary when there’s a monster truck pull that night?”

Elderly teenagers

Ann Coulter
acts like a jerk; so does Maureen Dowd.

These women went from adolescence to senility without once achieving adulthood. Nice trick if you can get away with it.

Learning

I'm taking an art class at the Delaware Museum, and I have a really good teacher. He comes around, looks at your work, and makes suggestions or points out problems. When he has made his comments, I am wiser than I was before. He also accompanies the class to the Museum and discusses the paintings and sculptures in a way that enhances your vision and deepens your understanding of the work.

I've taken art classes all my life, but this is the first one where I've actually learned something. In all the other art classes I have taken since becoming an adult, the teacher exhorted the students to let themselves go, do what feels good, be creative. Translation: you're a bunch of losers so you might as well enjoy yourselves painting your miserable little daubs.

Would anyone attempting to teach piano tell the student to just sit down and hit the keys and have fun? There are basics to be learned and techniques to be mastered in any endeavor. And with mastery comes a sense of satisfaction.

There's nothing to do on Saturday nights in Fiji

So Mel Gibson is importing himself a bowling alley.

Lawsuits we love

Only in California.

Don't send her back!

We have enough loonies here already.

Waiting for the Pinch award

Gawker publicizes a great new contest.

Know someone who works for The New York York Times Company who’s done a particularly stellar job this year? Has this employee has exemplified “a commitment to [the] Company’s Core Purpose, Core Values and Rules of the Road”? Did he or she did so while “contend[ing] with numerous journalistic challenges....

Yes?

Well, then clearly your friend should be nominated for a 2006 Punch Award, named in honor of Times Company chairman emeritus Arthur Sulzberger Jr., who, according to the announcement, lives by all those above-mentioned principles....

On the other hand, if your Times Company friend instead spent 2005 making awkward jokes at inopportune moments, obstinately clinging to lost causes without really considering whether the cause deserved so much support, and contributing strongly to a stagnant stock price, the just sit tight. We’re sure the Pinch Awards will be coming along soon enough.

I swear, the first time I read this, I thought it said "Gore values." I guess that will wait for the Pinch Award.

Marine bumper stickers

My favorite:

U.S. Marines: Travel agents to Allah.

Black history

Why we have Black History Month.

Hard times at the dollar store

Everyone who knows me knows that I love to shop at dollar stores. I can cheerfully throw away $20 on twenty items I don't need that probably don't work anyway, as long as each item only costs a dollar. Think of the money I save!

I have a favorite dollar store. At this store, the owner is pleasant, the store is clean, there's lots of stock, and all the salespeople smile and seem happy at life. No week passes that I don't stop there and buy a few things.

On my last visit, I saw a sign on the door, telling us customers that owing to the cost of things generally and energy specifically some prices would be raised to $1.25 and others to $2.

It shouldn't matter--what's an extra quarter, or even two bucks? But somehow, the name dollar and a quarter store doesn't have the same ring to it.

Let's offend them, by all means

A refreshing thought, amidst all this cant and hypocrisy, from Russell Wardlow:

Muslims need to be offended, and for that reason the cartoons should continue to be published both in Europe and in the United States, and everywhere else possible.

The mistake that Karol makes is in treating Muslims the same as any other religious group. But that's quite impossible at this point as a result of Muslims' own behavior. Precisely because they can be counted on, for whatever reason, to riot psychotically with every minute percieved slight, we need to offend them. Not doing so would be a capitulation to the dangerous double standard that liberal-minded folks in the West see as magnanimous sensitivity and tolerance, but which is percieved (perfectly rationally, I might add) by Muslims as simply weakness and a complete lack of any faith in our own society.

Once Muslims show themselves capable of not killing people and burning down buildings because of an editorial cartoon, then you'll find me on the side of those who want to be conscientious and polite and not offend. And I will then happily be just as mindful of Muslim sensibilities as I am to those of Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, et al.

But until then, I say it's open season.

A tip of the chapeau to bad example.

Funeral ettiquette

Basil's blog discusses proper funeral behavior:

The folks that speak do their speaking about the dearly departed. Those that sing songs sing songs that they think the dearly departed loved, whether or not they had ever even heard the song. And everyone maintains a somber tone. After all, it's a funeral.

But, every now and then, some folks decide to act like they ain't had no proper raising and turn the funeral into something else.

Not at any funeral I've ever been to. But on the soap operas. And when some Democrats speak.

Recently, you might have heard about the funeral of Coretta Scott King. Four presidents showed up for that one....

Then they let Rev. Joseph Lowery and Jimmy Carter speak.

Both George Bushes and Bill Clinton were up there acting like it was a funeral. Joseph Lowery and Jimmy Carter acted like asses.

Now, I don't know much about what funerals Joseph Lowery has been going to, but Jimmy Carter is a Baptist and is from southwest Georgia. I'm a Baptist from southeast Georgia. There can't be that much difference between how one's supposed to act at a funeral.

I guess to some Democrats, the body of the deceased is just a stage prop, like the flowers.

Some advances in scientific research

from 15 Minute Lunch: Too much of a good and bad thing.

Namby-pamby Bush

The President has been saying tactful things about not offending the Religion of Peace- niks, currently rioting at a theatre near you.

We have to be tactful. We don't want to hurt their feelings.

I want to hurt their feelings. And any other part of their anatomy.

Here's what I want the President to say to them:

Your feelings are hurt? It's a tough world. Suck it up. If you don't like it, you can go f*** yourselves. There's a principle involved here. Free speech is more important than your feelings, which are a crock anyway.

I hate it when he starts talking in that sanctimonious manner, like a psalm-singing Presbyterian Wall street lawyer (as someone said of John Foster Dulles).

I guess that's why I'm not president.

I hope my relatives don't say such mean things about me

Bush adopts Clinton; the feeling is not mutual.

Unless Bush has some awfully nasty relatives.

Happy Presidents' Day!

 

Enforced vacation from blogging

First I installed Mozilla Firefox 1.5, which totally destroyed my computer's ability to access the Internet. If you're considering using this, DON'T! When I accessed their web site, I discovered that it would cost me $39.95 to get tech support. So much for free software.

Then I tried to restore my computer to an earlier date. This didn't work.

Now the DSL doesn't work. And the phones don't work either.

I have had Verizon (cursed be their name) out here three (3) times. I am awaiting a fourth visit without much hope.

Thank God I have a cell phone, or I would be unable to even order a pizza.

God wants to retire

God is getting tired.

'I keep getting all these calls from folk begging me to intercede on their behalf, smite their enemies, improve their sex life, make them rich, all sorts of things. Frankly, I just don't want to get involved. It's none of my business how people want to lead their lives.'

Beautiful old buildings