Tomorrow is Rosh Hashonah

Happy New Year, everyone.

Siri Paboun mysteries by Colin Cotterill

There are five Siri Paboun novels at present, each complete in itself, but together presenting a snapshot of a place and an era. These stories start in 1975, when the Communists take over Laos to the immense surprise of everyone, not least themselves. At least 500,000 of the newly liberated citizens of this enlightened country have chosen to swim across the river or otherwise decamp to Thailand at the opening of the first book, The Coroner's Lunch.

When the story opens, the previous official coroner has fled elsewhere, so Siri Paboun, an elderly doctor who fought for Laotian freedom, has been appointed to fill his place. Although he lacks the training and the equipment, refusing the job is not an option. Siri supports the new governemt--after all, he fought for it--but has no illusions. He is hopeful that the Pathet Lao (the new Communist regime) will eventually get their act together and start governing efficiently, but skeptical of this happening any time soon. The new government is devoted to bureaucracy, requiring lengthy forms to be filled out for every trivial action, mandatory meetings, and pompous pronouncements. Under the new regime, Laotians are meant to "volunteer" for menial jobs, such as painting the new civic center, in their spare time. Vietnamese "advisors" are also present and represent a force be reckoned with.

Siri improvises from day to day, performing his assigned duties to the best of his ability, ably assisted by his nurse, Dtui, and by Gueng, a Down's syndrome man who tackles the menial tasks of the lab with great patience and zeal. The three of them manage to run the enterprise competently and resourcefully and to enjoy life despite obstacles put in their way.

All this takes place against a background of Laotian and Hmong villages, peopled by gentle souls still living as their ancestors did, people who never sought to fight anyone but were overrun by the forces of twentieth century history and left to cope as best they could.

The atmosphere of Vientiane and other venues in Laos is so skillfully depicted that you get a real feel for the place - primitive, exotic, yet suffering the discomforts and constraints characteristic of the twentieth century. Cotterill obviously has great respect and affection for the various ethnic groups who find themselves lumped together as a nation because it was convenient for the French — their former colonizers — to draw the map that way.

To complicate matters further, Siri, a man of science and a skeptic in matters spiritual, is the reluctant host for the spirit of a thousand-year-old shaman, who occasionally has prophetic dreams and gets him into all kinds of trouble. He also is pursued by a demon, a phibob, who is bent on destroying him. With the help of his occult powers, Siri is able to get to the bottom of all kinds of mysterious events which drive the plots of these five books.

The best way to appreciate these novels is to read them straight through chronologically from beginning to end. The main characters — sketchily described in the first novel — develop foibles and strengths as they cope with the difficulties which confront them. Their individual histories are revealed more fully, and they become more rounded and believable.

Amusing

Ht electicity.

Above my pay grade and in over my head

I admit I don't understand the plan advanced by Henry Paulson and Ben Bernanke to save Wall Street, or whatever it is that they are saving. The Senators who are questioning them also seem skeptical. It seems I heard a figure bandied about of 7 billion $, that's 7 with a whole lot of zeroes after it.

I don't understand how the government taking over the entire economy is going to save capitalism, but heck, these guys went to prestigious colleges and won impressive degrees so they should know what they are doing. I hope.

The fact that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac donated oodles of money to various members of Congress was a big coincidence.

Another thing, if Freddie and Fannie both did the same thing, lend money foolishly, why did we need two of them? I would think that one quasi-governmental agency could mismanage very well all by itself, saving the government the cost of two buildings, two chief executives, two charwomen, and so on. I mean, the student loan agency manages to rip off the public just fine with only one agency mismanaging it.

But the ways of American politics are very exotic to me, more so than the rituals of some esoteric, remote tribe in the Amazon. I've never been able to understand the finer points of political activity. For instance, what was Watergate all about. I know what happened, but I fail to understand the reasoning behind it. Was Nixon afraid he wouldn't win the election because he was only 20 percent ahead?

Welcome, Insanities readers!

Delaware Symphony event, cont.

 

Above, a picture of the brass band that entertained the arriving guests. They were excellent. So was the program. The symphony, of course, is a pick-up orchestra, but performed ably. It was the guests that I found most remarkable. They all seemed to know each other. It was like going to a family wedding, if your family consisted of well-heeled and well-dressed people. The women were exceptionally stylish, except for one or two human skeletons in baby dresses--hanging straight from the shoulders and cut off below the hips. Not a good idea for women over forty, especially if you have legs like sticks. The younger women were ravishing. Women were all dressed to the nines, or at least to the eight and a halfs. Men, not so much.

And men look so great in evening dress!

Under the heading of old business....

I have some stuff to clear up:

I caused the stock market to tank. Yes, I am guilty. Last Friday I ordered my IRA to sell some shares. You saw what happened Monday? I am deeply sorry.

The pro-abortion cheerleaders act like getting an abortion is a fun thing, like getting a really nifty hairdo or taking a vacation in Bermuda. It isn't. It's a surgical procedure, not a cause for celebration, whatever you are, pro-choice or pro-life.

The Wall Street Journal quotes a a couple of supposedly representative Christians:

When I got home from church I... called my Jesuit friend, who I know hates these people, too. I asked, "Don't you think God finds these smug egomaniacs morally repellent? Recoils from their smugness as from hot flame?"

And he said, "Absolutely. They are everything He or She hates in a Christian."

I thought Christians were supposed to love their enemies, or their neighbors? Apparently not. I guess Jesus was just kidding around when he said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." I suppose the quaint idea I picked up, that to a believing Christian, every one of us is a child of God with an immortal soul, was not applicable to Republicans. I'm not a Christian, so how could I know? I thought Christians were like the Rev Martin Luther King. You know, saintly.

I hope these tolerant believers don't extend their contempt to us Jews--oh wait, they already have. Only they call us "Zionists."

By the way, I just posted a new feature, called "Followers," on my blog. Humiliatingly, I have 0 followers so far. So if you want to follow my blog, sign up. If no-one signs up, I will remove the gadget.

Cirque de Soleil dancers, September 13, 2008

 

From the Delaware Symphony fund-raising event.

News flash: Cindy McCain and Laura Bush wear expensive clothes

while the poor run around in rags, no doubt.

Laura Bush's ensemble

Oscar de la Renta suit: $2,500
Stuart Weitzman heels: $325
Pearl stud earrings: $600–$1,500
Total: Between $3,425 and $4,325

Cindy McCain's wardrobe

Oscar de la Renta dress: $3,000
Chanel J12 White Ceramic Watch: $4,500
Three-carat diamond earrings: $280,000
Four-strand pearl necklace: $11,000–$25,000
Shoes, designer unknown: $600

Total: Between $299,100 and $313,100.

How contemptible this stirring up of class envy is, especially in a fashion reporter!

News flash to Elizabeth Snead: Oscar de la Renta is an American company. Stuart Weitzman is an American company. It provides jobs to American workers. The fashion industry is very important to the economy of New York City (hence NYC hosts fashion week and not Elizabeth Snead week)) and Los Angeles.

Wealthy women wear expensive clothes--deal with it. At least these two are buying American, unlike Jacqueline Kennedy, who bought French clothes, at least until she was in the White House.

Laura and Cindy are criticized for being wealthy women who dress nicely when they are on national tv. Sarah Palin, on the other hand, is considered white trash who probably goes around in the skins of the moose she kills.

How important is Delaware?

Answer: Not very.

[Palin's] state of Alaska has less [I would use the word fewer, myself, as more grammatically correct] than 700,000 residents, which reduces the job of governor to the scale of running one-tenth of New York City. By comparison, Rudy Giuliani is a towering international figure.

Well, Delaware only has about 850,000 residents, which reduces the job of governing Delaware to running--actually--about ten percent of New York City, assuming NYC still has 8 million. I missed a lot of school when we studied fractions, but by my calculations Delaware is about 12 percent more important than Alaska.

By these criteria, Delaware isn't much:

Delaware is 45th largest state in population, which makes it pretty negligible, although not as contemptible as Vermont or Wyoming, 49th and 50th, respectively. I don't know why we even bother to have an election for governor, really. The place could probably run itself.

Let's look at the world. Giuliani could probably govern both Luxembourg (pop 483,800) and Iceland (pop 319,355) together without turning a hair. Imagine what these two countries could save in salaries every year if they just had to pay one chief executive!

Welcome, Insanities readers!

People who find my site through Google

Every once in a while I check to see what combination of words brings people to my site. Here goes:

Miriam's porn site I should really remove this facetious post from my website--the poor dears must be so disappointed. Still, it does generate lots of traffic....

A short history of the United States This one is most often consulted by foreigners. Good grief! I hope they don't take it too seriously.

English towns with funny names: Self-explanatory.

Hairstyles of the 20th century: Also self-explanatory.

Natalee Holloway. In this post, I explained that there is no news about NH; still, people continue to visit the link. Go figure.

The left's favorite mythical animals

Bush's plastic turkey







Book banned by Sarah Palin

Yesteerday at Longwood--miniature railroad

 

Do we want to go this route?

It sounds unpleasant, if not dangerous.

Britain is “quite simply running out of power” and blackouts are almost inevitable within the next few years.

Campbell Dunford of the respected Renewable Energy Foundation said: “It’s almost too late to do anything about it. Nothing will stop us having to pay very high prices for power in future.

“If we pull our finger out now we can limit blackouts but it’s going to be pretty grim whatever happens.”...[ ]


Blackouts could force the Government to impose electricity rationing, last seen in the Seventies. The REF report says the Government “should prepare itself to intervene with social policy to prevent hardship and maintain order”.

It criticises ministers for focusing too heavily on such untried renewable energy sources as wind and tide power, rather than making sure that secure new power generation was put in place.

The report concludes: “A near fatal preoccupation with politically attractive but marginal forms of renewables seems to have caused a blindness towards the weakening of the UK’s power stations and a dangerous and helpless vulnerability to natural gas.”

Great Britain seems to have adopted the policy favored by the Democrats. Apparently it isn't working very well for them.

Thanks to Ker-Plunk for the link.

Banned books

The whole carry-on about Sarah Palin and the local librarian reminds me of my experience with censorship in my long years atoning for the sins of a former life by serving as a library director.

The politicians never took any interest in the books in the library. They didn't read them. I don't believe they read the reports I sent them. They didn't even have library cards. Only the inmates of these small towns noticed we had books, some of which they objected to.

The complaints were bizarre. One man poked his head around the corner of my office and dropped a copy of The Return of the Native on my desk, remarking that it was the dirtiest book he had ever read. He must have led a sheltered life.

In order to forestall citizen's complaints, we had a Procedure. I found that a Procedure, in writing, was a good way to cope with complaints and other problems. We had Procedures for every eventuality--unruly customers, opening and closing the library, checking out books, dealing with emergencies, etc. They were kept in a notebook entitled Policies and Procedures.

So, as part of this Procedure, we had this form which we asked our patrons to fill out if they wanted something removed from the shelves. No-one who complained ever wanted to fill out the form, so the matter usually died there. Most of the books people objected to were not obscene or objectionable; someone just had an aversion to a particular book for reasons of their own. I think some of them just wanted to talk to somebody.

Librarians love to talk about Censorship, but censorship was not my main problem with books in the library. Our main problem was donations. Ideally, we didn't want any. We particularly didn't want any copies of encyclopedias more than three years old or with volumes missing. Filthy or moldy books, books with pages missing or covers torn off, books whose contents were escaping their bindings--you get the picture. Nix. No. Nada. Non quiero. We of course had a policy stating what sort of books we would accept, but no-one ever read it. People just brought in books, left them in the bookdrop, or deposited them at our door if we were closed. It was a bad idea making them take them home again, so we quietly disposed of them.

Donated periodicals were a lesser problem, as sometimes one of our issues was missing and we could fill in our collection. But National Geographic! It's an excellent publication beyond a doubt, but we had so many of them that we gave them to school kids to illustrate their reports.

Other problem donations were books people were eager to add to our collection: books about little-known religions; books denying that John Wilkes Booth assassinated Lincoln, hate-filled tomes blaming all the world's problems on the Jews, stuff like that. We had a Policy for these, thank God. It generally involved pitching them.

And there were the books donated under certain conditions: they must be kept in the reference collection, or the children's collection, or behind glass. We didn't want them either.

Shame on you, Sarah!

Praying! in a church!

What atrocity will come next?

I have noticed that we Jews have a prayer for our country's leaders which is recited some time during the high holidays--and they don't even add a footnote: "Except for George W Bush."

Clearly this prayer book needs revision.

Did Palin ever threaten a librarian?

Put up or shut up:

I have some news for Ms. Palin about the responsibilities of a community organizer. I know something about it because my son Matthew is a community organizer; and in south Chicago, as it happens.

It’s true that he doesn’t have the responsibilities of a small-town mayor. He’s never had the responsibility to use authority and power to threaten to fire the librarian for not banning books that were incompatible with the mayor’s personal beliefs and tastes.

Well, did this happen? Names and dates, please.

Meanwhile, about that community organizer job Barack Obama had--how did that work out for the community? More jobs? Better housing? Slumlords (Tony Rezco, call your office) persuaded to take good care of their properties? Are the schools any better? Does the city pick up trash more regularly and keep the streets clean?

Emotional Hippies - Crying Over Dead Trees

Glatt meshugah.

Defending a woman's right to choose...

Phyllis Chesler answers her own question. This is how she states her dilemma:

Do we vote to keep abortion legal and to stop the anti-Choice conservatives from taking over the Supreme Court–or do we vote to make sure that the American military is allowed to stop the Islamic fundamentalist terrorists in their tracks? Can we really achieve both goals by voting for one candidate? If not, then what is the more pressing priority? For ourselves, for our country, for the world at this moment in history?

If American women retain the right to choose whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term–in my view, a prerequisite to female human freedom, what does this mean if the jihadists bomb the country back to the seventh century? If the jihadists triumph, American women will be forced to convert to Islam, to wear veils or burqas (body bags), and risk being stoned to death, hung, or honor murdered if they want to choose their own husbands, attend college, dress like modern American girls do, or convert to another non-Islamic religion.

First: No one is proposing to do anything in the near future to either restrict or promote abortion. Indeed, no president has the right to do so. He or she could propose either pro-abortion or pro-life bills, but there is little chance that anyone in Congress would want to pick up that hot potato. "The right to choose" represents left-wing lip service, and "the right to life" represents right-wing sermonizing.

Second: Supreme Court nominations: Supreme Court nominees are at best autonomous, at worst loose cannons. Once approved by the Senate and appointed to the Court, they are free to decide that the moon is made of green cheese and no-one can say them nay. The justices are absolutely free of any check on their power. They serve for life. A conservative appointee might want to discover his inner liberal, once he is appointed, and vice versa. So you never know what a nominee will do. You can guess, but chances are you will be wrong 50 percent of the time.

I'm sure Reagan wanted to appoint a conservative, but what did he get? Sandra Day O'Connor, for one, a woman who lurches from the right to the left like a drunken sailor aboard a ship in a storm.

For my part, I don't consider an abortion exactly a cause for jubilation. I reluctantly agree that it is up to the individual to decide for herself, but there is no denying it is an ugly business.

Completely pointless thoughts about political players

Just stuff that crossed my "mind," if you can call it that:

1. Everyone dumps on Nancy Pelosi for having plastic surgery. Just because she's stupid, does she have to be ugly too? Plastic surgeons have to feed their families, too, you know.

2. Sarah Palin's kids have awful names. Could there be an uglier name for a girl than Bristol? Is it worse than Crystal? It shouldn't be, but somehow it is. It reminds me of the bristles on a pig, or a hairbrush. Poor kid. Willow is not as bad, but I think one of the boys is named Trigger or something. Maybe it's Track. Sarah herself is lovely, of course. Why not Sarah jr?

3. Cindy McCain is too thin. When she stands sideways she disappears. She looks like the undead. Have a cookie, Cindy. Or drink some of the family beer.

4. On the other hand, Laura Bush is a perfect lady. She's tactful and soft-spoken--in a word, charming. She looks as she should look as the mother of grown children. But that doesn't stop anyone from saying ungracious things about her.

5. Hillary Clinton is the world's favorite dumpee. She is criticized for everything from her hair to her toes, with several stops in-between. People who aren't even personally acquainted with her speak of her pejoratively. She appears to be the second most hated figure in politics. GWB, of course, takes the honors.

6. McCain can't do anything about "a woman's right to choose," pro or con. Neither can Obama. Bush couldn't do anything about it either. Nor Clinton. So why can't we drop this topic from political discourse? The case is closed. The supremes have spoken. Give it a rest!

My bar code

 

I amused myself by downloading this. It's pointless but harmless.

No animals were used in testing this product.

The New York Times gets sarcastic

A little humor at Mayor Ray Nagin's expense:

Evidently intending to forestall the looting rampant after Hurricane Katrina, Mr. Nagin promised lawbreakers a quick trip to the state’s notorious penitentiary, Angola.

“We have double the police force, double the National Guard force that we had for Katrina,” the mayor said, “and looters will go directly to jail.”

It was not clear, however, how he planned to bypass the state’s usual law enforcement procedures.

It's simple: he'll just trample their civil rights.

Watching Bobby Jindal's report on hurricane precautions

...gave me some insight into what a governor can do and has to do. He exhibited mastery of a very serious situation, based on expertise and judgment. An executive such as a governor has much more responsibility than a senator does.

Fortunately, it doesn't matter how useless a senator is. There are plenty of senators who are crooks and liars and dumb to boot, but their stupidity and dishonesty don't really affect anyone much. I'm not referring to the senatorial powerhouses such as Ted Kennedy, but to run-of-the-mill dolts like Chris Dodd. A governor, however--like Kathleen Bianco-- can really louse things up.

So I would say that Sarah Palin has more relevant experience than Barack Obama does.

I have to moderate comments now....

because I am going to say the unsayable.

I like Bush. G W Bush, current president, and proud trampler of civil rights of Democrats. I mean to say: aren't the prisons full of Democrats?--Oh, no, that's Denver. Trample harder, George--they're still showing signs of life.

I am one of the 30 percent who approve of GWB. I think he tries to do what he considers right for the country, no matter how much he is reviled and hated. If popularity mattered to him, he would have set a different course.

So far, whatever he is doing, New York City is still intact; so is Washington, DC. Chicago. The Statue of Liberty. Hoover Dam. The Golden Gate Bridge. American nuclear facilities. All of these are still present and accounted for. Could any of Bush's activities have contributed to this, or is it just a happy coincidence?

He's made plenty of mistakes, of course. His public relations are a disaster. He should have made his case for the war in Iraq to the people of this country. He should have not been loyal to losers like Scott McLaren. He should have kicked ass at the State Department and the CIA. He should have changed strategy in Iraq when he saw that what he was doing wasn't working.

Still, I've lived a long time, and I doubt whether I have ever seen, or ever shall see, a president who is such a dedicated public servant.

Note to "Anonymous:" bugger off. I don't want to hear from you.

Suggestion for a caller direction system

From my brother, the genius:

Hello, and thank you for calling Furndock Corporation. Your call means nothing to us because we do not value our customers or their time. If we did, we would have a human to answer our phone. However, humans cost money and your time is free, at least for us, so we have bought a cheap automatic caller direction system. Since careful programming of this machine also costs money, we have programmed it very badly which means that you will waste a great deal of time getting to the person you want, if you get the person at all, which isn't very likely. We don't give a damn how much this inconveniences you.

I often think that we could solve the problem of unemployment by hiring every single unemployed person to answer the phone instead of using these caller direction systems. That would be the kingdom of heaven on earth and is as likely to happen as the kingdom of heaven is likely to come to earth.

Oops, I forgot--when Barack Obama is president, the oceans will recede. Can he spare a little of his time to cure the caller direction problem?

Nancy Pelosi speaks

In her view, natural gas is not a fossil fuel.

Good to know that, Nancy, old girl. Thanks for clearing that up.

From the interview:

MR. BROKAW: ...talking about the energy plan. And then we read in The Wall Street Journal that you and your husband have made a substantial investment in the plan that T. Boone Pickens has put forward, which has a heavy emphasis on natural gas as well.

REP. PELOSI: But let me see if you call substantial 03 three percent of our investments.

MR. BROKAW: Oh, it's what, between 100 and $200,000.

REP. PELOSI: No, no, it was between 50 and $100,000, and it's part of an, you know, entrepreneurial package. This is the package we sign up for, this is what they invest in. But that's not the point. I'm, I'm, I'm investing in something I believe in. I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels.

Here's what I want to know: if 100,000, or 50,000 represents 3 percent of her wealth, her net worth must be--you do the math--quite a lot.

So what I want to know is, how many houses does Nancy Pelosi have?

Is going to church a bad idea for a presidential candidate?

Usually politicians make a big to-do about attending church, being believers, loving Jesus, etc., ad nauseam. Remember Bill Clinton on the steps of the church with his prayerbook in his hand? And all those prayer breakfasts?

For Barack Obama, unfortunately, the answer is yes, going to church was a bad idea. I bet he's wishing he had slept in on Sunday mornings, rather than attend Rev Wright's hatefests for 20 years.

An old post becomes relevant

Now that Joe Biden is hot news, I can do no better than to link to this old post:

Joe Biden, (D, Delaware), is the man with the golden foot in his mouth.

Hysterical commentors of all political persuasions have jumped all over his slightly lame comment, re Indians, 7-11s, and Dunkin Donuts.

If he had his mouth wired shut, Biden might be a candidate for President. But he keeps getting into hot water. Years ago, it was for quoting a speech from a member of the House of Commons without attribution. This puts him miles ahead of most of his fellow senators, who probably don't know what the House of Commons is. (Hint: it's not in Okinawa. Nor is it a house of what used to be called ill repute near Las Vegas, Nevada.)

What brings this on? you ask. I'm glad you asked. In looking at my statistics I notice several google searches about Biden, 7-11s, Dunkin Donuts, etc., which have landed on my site. I have never mentioned Biden, 7-11s, Dunkin Donuts, or even Indian food. The closest I have come to this is mentioning that I now live in Delaware. I haven't even mentioned Delaware that much, preferring to dump on New Jersey, a much larger and easier target.

I mean, Delaware is so small, we only have one Congressman. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. One is plenty. We only have three counties. We don't have any urban cesspools like Newark (NJ)or Camden. No sales tax. Just tolls, which are mostly levied on people who are trying to get the hell out of Delaware and go somewhere else, like New Jersey.

So now I have mentioned Biden, et al., feel free to google these topics and come straight to my site.

Biden is not the worst pick, not by a long shot. I believe he is quite intelligent, for a Democrat.

The most boring sport in the world

I am referring to volleyball. I never liked it. I don't like it in a gym or on the beach. I don't like it on the ocean. Or with green eggs and ham.

I've got a grudge against volleyball. When I was a kid, I was forced to play volleyball in gym class. Since I was extremely near-sighted, I never saw the ball coming at me until it hit me somewhere, usually in the stomach, but sometimes in other parts of my anatomy. Neither team wanted to have me on their side, for some reason.

I understand why gym teachers love it. All you need is a net and a ball. The students and the gym are already supplied by the management, so there you are. No lesson plan needed. Just line the kids up on either side of the net, go outside for a smoke, and the hour has safely passed. And after 25 years of this kind of stuff, you can collect a pension. With free health benefits.

But why would anyone want to watch it? Particularly in prelims, quarter finals, etc, etc, ad nauseam. Broadcast the finals if you must so we can see which country won, and let it go at that. They don't even have cute uniforms.

BTW, nobody needs to e-mail me the reason guys want to watch beach volleyball. I already figured it out. Still, beach volleyball! Why would people want to play stupid games on the beach, sweat a lot, and get sand in their bottoms, when they could sit quietly under an umbrella reading a book, with an occasional dip in the ocean? I guess some of us are incapable of sitting still and are never happy unless engaged in some organized activity.

Do any of my readers have another candidate for the most boring sport in the world? I can be open-minded about this sort of thing, so send me your suggestions.

Holmes thinks Americans are idiots

I don't think so. It's all about the name.

Fairness! Who could be against fairness? Fairness is, well, fair. It's an American virtue. We are fair people. We admire fairness. The people who name these things are not stupid. They know that whoever sets the terms of the debate wins.

Thus the peace movement. Not the surrender movement, or the anti-war movement. Or, God forbid, the pro-Saddam Hussein movement. Peace is really, really cool--who wants to be against peace, besides slavering, blood-lusting bigots? If you're against peace, you must want to murder babies by impaling them on the end of bayonets. Stands to reason.

So if you want to start a lefty organization, call it the Children's Defense Fund. Only unfeeling brutes are against children. And children must be defended, mustn't they? Someone has already invented a Children's Defense Fund, as it happens, so you'll have to come up with your own name for your organization. Try to include Hope and Change in the title. Obama did that, and has been quite pleased with the results.

Don't talk about crippling the economy, talk about saving the environment! Doing the latter will insure the former, but so what? Only the dopy slaves of middleclassness will suffer. The better class of people (us) can still jet around the globe, lecturing the great unwashed.

Is it an insult to be called a Jew?

My friend (Jewish) thinks it might be. She thinks "Jewish" is more proper. I think political correctness has muddled her brain. She also thinks that Barack Obama is going to appoint the right people to office when he becomes president and they will do what he tells them to and everything will be hunky-dory, so there are definitely some synapses that are not firing.

I don't think it is an insult. Hymie is an insult. Kike is an insult. Dirty Jew is an insult. Jew is a description. I am a Jew, and I don't mind being called that.

Do Arabs mind being called Arabs? Do Muslims mind being called Muslims? How about Christians? Would they prefer to be called Christianish? Jewish is an adjective. Jew is a noun. If you don't call a Jew a Jew, what do you call him? A filthy Zionist pig?

Then there's oriental. That's a big no-no. Since oriental refers to a direction on the map, I don't see the problem. Oriental is a good word for Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc. persons. It excludes people like Indians and Pakistanis. The term Asian describes too many people--all those Chinese, plus India, and Japan, etc.. It covers half the world.

Negro long ago bit the dust, linguistically. Calling someone colored is a worse sin than calling him a serial rapist. I'm surprised the N double A CP doesn't change its name to the N quadruple A P, but I guess they've got a lot of stationery left with the old name.

To change the topic to another linguistic problem: President Bush says that Russia's invasion of Georgia is unacceptable. Iran having their very own nukes is unacceptable. North Korea's possession of nukes must be acceptable, though, because they've got them and there's not a damn thing we can do about it, except look down our noses in disapproval.

I find unacceptable--well, not acceptable. It's not a strong enough word, especially since we are not doing a damn thing about these things except to suck them up. Unacceptable is eating mashed potatoes with your fingers, or not writing your aunt a thank-you letter. Iran, Russia, and North Korea are doing as they please and thumbing their noses at us.

The word for such actions is deplorable.

When will John Edwards take a paternity test?

He's waiting for John Kerry to publish his military records.

I'm back from Lenox

We heard an all-Mozart concert, with Leon Fleischer as one of the featured soloists. he is famous for having lost the ability to play for many years due to a hand injury. The use of his hand has now been restored, and he played beautifully, for a guy who had not practiced for forty years. It's an amazing story.

Carnival of the Insanities is up

Lots of scorn heaped on B Obama, not least by me.

Here's where I'll be

I'll be sitting in the shed, not on the lawn, listening to Mozart.

Back August 10.

What is the Ebright azimuth?

It marks the highest point in Delaware, which is not very high.

I saw this sign and nearly killed myself trying to read it from the road with cars coming at me from two directions.

Does every state have an azimuth?

Men in shorts

The New York Times endorses men wearing shorts. The article is illustrated by pictures of three cute young guys wearing the aforementioned garments.

It's okay for them. They're young. They're cute. They're slim. They have nice straight legs. But they are not the typical men in shorts we encounter here in Delaware. Here in Delaware men don't care what they look like and prove it every day.

Almost any time I leave my house in the daytime I am treated to the unedifying spectacle of my across-the-street neighbor, who not only wears shorts nine months of the year, but has a beer belly hanging over the top of them. The beer belly can be easily seen because he seldom wears a shirt. I don't even want to talk about his tattoo--some things are better left to the imagination.

Know what makes the average non-gorgeous man look good? Sorry, fellows, it is a business suit, worn with shirt and tie. The suit covers a multitude of flaws, and can be designed to make the most of a man's best assets, such as broad shoulders. Stylistically, there can be no more forgiving garment, except maybe a toga.

I'm not suggesting that my neighbor wear a business suit to weed his garden. But how about a shirt, at least?

Standards of dress are in free fall, and not only among men. But that is a topic for another day.

A living substance

Did you know that oil is alive?

Me either.

However,

[L]ike Dracula and his creatures of the night, oil is .. undead.
Some may call me a madman and dismiss my theories are foolish peasant superstitions, but how else can we explain that the fact, like the vampire can change himself into a bat, oil can transform itself into gasoline and varieties of plastic. It ventures forth from its resting place in pipelines and tanks to feed upon the environment and to gain control over the minds of men.
The only thing that kill oil is a bullet fashioned from fragments of Al Gore's skull.

Suggested theme song for Barack Obama

This is approporiate for the Obama message:

I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms
And keep it company...

I tried to import the video, but for some reason couldn't. The sappiness and sheer meaninglessness of the video--actually a Coke commercial--makes it the perfect Obama Anthem. That's because the Obama campaign has a lot in common with Coke--both are substances with lots of sugar but no nutritional value.

Also on Carnival of the Insanities.

Miriam's ideas?

Truly a lame name for a blog, don't you think? It really does seem feeble.

But at the time when I discovered that blogger would give me a free blog, I strained my brain to come up with something clever--and came up empty.

Finally I decided to go with "Miriam's Ideas." No one else was using it, and it had the virtue of roughly describing what I wanted to put out there. Also, I knew if I waited for inspiration to strike, I would never be able to think of anything. So here I am, four years later, stuck with a stupid blog name.

One hand washes the other

and the taxpayer gets his --- caught in the wringer.

No wonder Congress's approval rating is so low.

This is the moment....

Bring on the barf bags! If Obama is elected president we can expect to hear this twee stuff daily. Doesn't this New Age baby talk offend anyone but me?

Fountain of Shame, Palermo, Sicily

 

Initially intended for a private villa, this collection of statues caused scandal when it was first acquired from the 15th century equivalent of Amazon.com. Apparently it could not be returned.

In the heart of Palermo's loveliest square, Piazza Pretoria, stands this magnificent fountain, the work of the Florentine sculptor Francesco Camilliani in 1554 and 1555. It overlooks the facades of the two churches on the square, S. Caterina and S. Giuseppe dei Teatini.... The fountain is floodlit at night, a 24-hour sight.

Shocking, Outrageous, Disgraceful! -- When the Fontana Pretoria was first unveiled in 1575 at Piazza Pretoria, the outcry was so loud it could practically be heard across the city. Originally intended for a private Florentine villa and not a public square, the fountain is adorned with nude figures galore. In time, Palermitans learned to live with this "outrage," although they forever afterward referred to it as Fontana della Vergogna, or "Fountain of Shame."

I walked all around this magnificent fountain, snapping pictures from every angle of the magnificent statues, all depicting magnificent bodies. Not an ounce of cellulite on any of them.

I couldn't help but wonder: are these representations of typical 16th century Florentines? Were they all beautifully shaped and proportioned? No lard butts, jiggly thighs, big stomachs, fallen arches, bad posture, droopy bosoms, scrawny limbs? If so, what has happened to the human race since those days?

Then I figured out that the average Florentine probably lived to be about 25, maybe 30 if he were lucky. Most Americans under 30 would look pretty good without their clothes nowadays, too.

There's no shortage of insanities

Carnival of the Insanities is up.

Britons sweltering under heat wave

Temperatures soar:

A spokesman said a temperature of 83F (28.3C) was recorded yesterday at Cranwell, Lincs, the highest so far this year.

They ought to try Washington, DC. Or Charleston, SC.

How did the ancestors of these people ever settle the American South?

Running to stay in place

We've been engaged in the homeowner's marathon: running hard to stay in place. We have had the computer guy, the Internet guy, the power-washing guy, the electrician, and the plumber. All this not to improve our lot in life but to restore our household to the status quo ante, that is, getting the computer to work, the Internet connection tow work, the light fixture in the basement to work, etc.

Meanwhile, I have been spending my days sitting at home waiting for the plumber, etc. They give you a window during which the person in question will come, say 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. This is a large window. Especially when you arrange over the phone that you will not be there from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. and the person in question shows up at your door at 12:59 or calls on your cell phone just as you are pulling into the dentist's driveway at 1:10.

The funny thing is, when one of these fixers actually shows up, fixes whatever was not working, and doesn't charge too much, we are as happy as if Ed MacMahon had showed up at the door and handed us fistfuls of cash.

Meanwhile, all is harmony and gratitude chez Charm. Now if the guy who's painting the deck just shows up on time....

The gospel according to Garrison Keillor

Via James Lileks, here are some really bad, nasty despicable people, according to Keillor:

“hairy-backed swamp developers, corporate shills, Christians of convenience, freelance racists, hobby cops, misanthropic frat boys, lizardskin cigar monkeys, jerktown romeos, ninja dittoheads.” In 1994 he called them “dim figures emerged from the mist; lo and behold, the same old gang of frat boys, geezers in golf pants, cheese merchants, cat stranglers, corporate shills, Bible beaters, swamp developers."

I believe he's talking about, you know, Republicans. Lileks offers his own variation:

"Fat shapes emerged from the fog; hail and fare-thee-well, the same ancient mob of sorority sisters, Masons of the moment, backwater frog-heads, spumoni disciples, swamp-cheese franchise experts, Cartesians in LaCrosse socks, ferret-ticklers, and Rosicrutian tract-whappers.”

This can be kind of fun. Here's my contribution:

Pot-bellied salesmen, lawyers in tasseled loafers, dog groomers, librarians in sensible shoes, bus-driving bigots, pasta-eaters, Limbaugh listeners, ugly hairdressers, SUV drivers, flag-wavers, overweight Presbyterians....

Oh, goodness, I could go on forever, but it's unfair to hog the limelight. I'm sure my readers would like a try at creating this pretentious but meaningless crap. I invite you to do so.

Rachel responds to the challenge:

Prius drivers reeking of sanctimony, community college professors, slow food cultists, Unitarians, expatriates wearing Obama buttons, Earth Firsters, celebrity friends of Fidel, granola-chomping birkenstock wearers, feminazis for the burqa, PBS contributors, poetasters for peace ..

Well done!

Also, from Snoopy:

Shimmering in a beer-induced haze of intoxication: defrocked cable technicians, pimply-faced connoisseurs of fried Mars bars, emasculated yachtsmen, unwashed solipsists, tweed-clad and horny Eng. Lit. professors, earnest aluminum siding salesmen, card-carrying PETA ghosts, undernourished Lambada dancers, eager but shy Norwegian bachelor farmers and, of course, sensibly shod librarians.

In love with mass transit

Why do our betters favor raising the tax on gasoline, which goes to the highway trust fund? Simple. The highway trust fund is unable to accomplish the things it was set up to do, such as build and repair highways and bridges. The funds originally meant for highway construction and improvement are being spent on fripperies like bicycle paths and mass transit for people who don't want to take mass transit.

The love politicians bear for mass transit is touching. Particularly since none of them would be caught dead using it. Their favorite means of getting from place A to place B involves private jets, helicopters, and chauffered limosines. Mass transit for the "little people," the jerks who pay taxes through their employers and don't have the opportunity to use gifted accountants to "minimize" their taxes. These little people have been getting ideas above their station in life--driving around in SUVs and vans and turning their airconditioning way down. They need to be taught a lesson by the arugala eating classes.

Also on the Carnival of the Insanities.

Lileks tears the Archbishop a new one

James Lileks expresses it so well:



“The Archbishop said that faiths which reject the use of violence should learn to defend each other in their mutual interest.
'If we are in the habit of defending each other, we ought to be able to learn to defend other groups and communities as well,' he said.
'We can together speak for those who have no voice or leverage in society - for the poorest, the most despised, the least powerful, for women and children, for migrants and minorities; and even to speak together for the great encompassing reality that has no voice of its own, our injured and abused material environment.

That's right--it's all about the environment. Psalm 24 came to my mind as I was loading the dishwasher, thinking the Archbishop's words over, so I looked it up:

24:1 The earth is the LORD's, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.

24:2 For he hath founded it upon the seas, and established it upon the floods.


Compare the nobility and beauty of these words to the drivel that comes out of the Archbishop's mouth. The man obviously hasn't a clue.

Baby-killer exchanged for two corpses

What a terrific deal!

I am so mad I could spit. The Lebanese are dancing in the streets! They know what is going on: they won, Israel lost.

Back to Best Buy

As all three of my readers know, I have been having computer problems. I've brought two computers back to Best Buy, and the boys and girls who work there are starting to be familiar with my face; so much so, that when I walk into the door, those working in the Computer Department all tend to want to take their break at the same time.

Well, I bought this printer, which for some reason I did not get around to installing earlier. This time I followed the printed instructions, one through four--to wit: 1. Remove printer from carton; 2. Check to see that all the parts are there; 3. Connect the power supply (this was a tough one, it came in two pieces, but I managed to do it); 4. Remove all the packing material from the printer.

Then came number 5: Turn on printer, by pressing on button. That one didn't work.

So, I have to go back to Best Buy, where I am known to one and all as The Crazy Lady. I know this because if this were the library where I worked this is the name I would inevitably have earned.

So I have to dye my hair black, put on shoes with lifts, and paste a false mustache on my face, maybe even get cheek inserts like Marlon Brando wore in the Godfather before I dare go in there again.

Maybe I'll just donate it to the Synagogue Garage Sale, which is taking place shortly. I'm such a coward.

Carnival of the Insanities is up

Good stuff, everyone.

Customer support

I brought my new Dell home on Thursday and I already found out that there is no support for anything you are likely to do with the computer. What is actually covered I don't know. Perhaps shooting the computer out of a cannon over the Mojave Desert might get the attention of customer support.

I couldn't download Adobe reader or Adobe flash player, no matter how hard I tried. So I went to Firefox and downloaded a bunch of stuff, the names of which I cannot now remember. But I am getting videos now.

Except for the audio part. I checked control panel, and the speakers are installed, so that's not it. Back I went to web support, and I got this little handy-dandy suggestion:

Turn off the computer, unplug everything, and then plug everything in again and restart the computer.

I don't know whether I should do this at midnight while sprinkling salt over my left shoulder and then walk in a circle 7 times. All I know is that I have a backache from crawling around on the floor and a headache from trying to see all the little USB ports. Oh yes, and it didn't work.

I'm getting to the point where I am stopping being defensive about my lack of computer knowledge and starting to wish they did this another way. When I bought a car I did not get several large unwieldy boxes containing the chassis, wheels, tires, clutch, and automatic transmission. It was already assembled, in a place quaintly called a "factory" by persons known as "workers." And though I am ignorant about motor vehicles--all I know about them is that you have to put gas in them to make them run--it hasn't stopped me from driving, using the aforementioned wheels, etc, like a pro.

Foods of the past

Today we are going to discuss Green Jello, but not just yet.



Methods of cooking and serving foods sure have changed in my lifetime. I can remember when beef Wellington was considered an elegant dish; guests were actually served steak, roast beef, and brisket. Nowadays you could probably perform a citizen's arrest on any host who dared to serve beef to his guests. Even burgers are made of turkey these days.

Things were different when I was young, back in the twentieth century. You expected your host to provide grub and plenty of it. Nobody worried about their weight unless they were morbidly obese. Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren were considered fine figures of women and even Jane Russell had her admirers.

A young couple of our acquaintance were ahead of their time, foodwise, and we were victims of their hospitality. Our hostess proudly served a cheese souffle, which I swear had only 4 eggs in it. For 4 people. A finicky little salad--3 or 4 lettuce leaves and a slice of tomato--accompanied this. Dessert was half a pear in syrup that had a few cranberries floating in it.

As soon as we decently could, we left, and on the way to the subway stopped in Wolfie's for a double-decker pastrami sandwich with a chocolate shake on the side.

What was I talking about? Oh, yes, green Jello. Jello molds were considered haute cuisine in those days, and for some reason green was the color of the day. The truly elegant hostess provided Jello, part of which remained green and contained--let's say pineapple, coconut, and slivered almonds. You could actually put anything, reasonable or not, in it. The other part was mixed with cream or cream cheese, at any rate something white. So it became a light green, which set off the other, darker Jello. The two were layered in a fancy mold. When ready to serve, the mold was dipped into warm water and downloaded on a fancy plate. Whether anyone ate it is not recorded, but everyone took a little piece to be polite.

Nobody eats stuff like that any more. Green Jello has gone the way of ambrosia salad (which contained marshmallows, among other things), meat loaf with tomato soup poured on top of it, and iceberg lettuce.

I did the unthinkable

Yes, I am the one and only person in the United States and Overseas Possessions to actually return a Mac...

I know I was supposed to enroll myself in the small exclusive Apple fan club and start looking down my nose at the unenlightened who cling to their guns and PCs and fear of people who are different (better) than them.

I had the iMac from Hell. I couldn't download the installation software from my printer, digital camera, or scanner using the CDs, nor could I download it from the internet. I couldn't open my digital photos.

I called Apple, who were amused I was trying to pawn off an old Lexmark printer on my fine new equipment. Okay, I'll accept that, even though the said printer was working just fine. But my camera is new and I don't want to dump it. So I called Olympus tech support. Nothing they tried worked. They were stumped. HP the same. I bought a new Photosmart printer and attempted to install it, but the Apple would have none of it. Tech support for said printer became very annoyed because by God it's supposed to work.

Finally, I called Apple at 6 a.m. their time, and their tech support attempted to grapple with the program. They finally advised me to take it back. Yes, Apple couldn't get the bloody thing to work either!

Now I have Mr Charm scratching his head and trying to put together my new Dell.

Is a college degree worth anything?

It makes you feel good about yourself.

Sooner or later the truth about the value of a college degree will get out. It is irrational to pay $100,000 for a degree that will get you a $25,000 a year job. The earning premium for a college degree isn’t evenly distributed - engineers, doctors and other professionals get most of the additional lifetime earnings attributed to holding a college degree. Many of these students will graduate with big debts, and not much in the way of prospects for a good job.

Unfortunately, the idiocy taught in our colleges has real life consequences. Students start life deeply in debt, besides being totally ignorant and naive. Four or five or even six years of their lives which could have been productively spent are lost. And the stupidity seems to be working its way down to the lower grades. Just to make things worse, Catholic schools, which were a beacon of light in a dark landscape, are closing just when they are needed most.

Also at Carnival of the Insanities.

mainstream media mourns death

I was unable to link to the headline in the Charleston newspaper's coverage of Jesse Helms' death on July 4, but it went something like this:

Conservative Bigot dies

Very objective.

Sicily

Poppies and other wildflowers in the Sicilian countryside.

My dream library

I had dinner with an old friend who is still working in the trenches of a library. When I met her, I worked at the Cute Little Library. She left the state before I began to work at the Library from Heck (13 fun-filled years of heavy pain killer use). We started to speculate about what the dream library would be like.

1. It would have all the books you read when you were young, all the books you've been meaning to read for years, nice clean copies of classics, multiple copies of the book of the moment. When the moment ended, the extra copies would be discarded, not left sitting on the shelf like wallflowers at a dance. Whatever you wanted to read would be there when you wanted it. Books on tape. Books in braille. Books, books, books, and nothing else. See #3.

2. No ranting and raving by the homeless. The homeless could sit quietly in their chairs as long as they kept their clothes on, well, most of their clothes. They also would not smell of anything but soap. Originally I wanted to bar the homeless, but I realized that they were part of the library scene. Where else would they go? No one wants them around except the librarians, bless their hearts.

3. No DVDs, CDs, computer games or comic books. They can get that garbage elsewhere, and do. If literacy ever becomes a lost art, blame these media.

4. No Internet. The crazies who want to look at porn sites can jolly well buy their own computers. People shouldn't do what these folks are doing in public places. Need I draw a picture?

5. No cell phones, pagers, iPods, or other devices that deafen young people and cause their brains to rot. No one would be talking to an unseen Other or muttering to themselves except the librarians.

6. Only nice adults, nice teenagers, and nice children would be allowed within the doors of the Dream Library.

7. People would not have heart attacks or seizures or just plain fall down.

That's as far as we got.

Ramadan decorations?

Muskrat worries about being politically incorrect. Or insensitive. Or something.

Last night, I had an appointment to show my rental property to a 20-something medical student named Suleman. ... When he got out of the car,... he looked like the grown version of the male rapist from The Kite Runner (which I’d watched on DVD the night before). Dark skin; long and thick beard. He had an attractive Persian-looking wife with him whom I was afraid to look at, and his mother-in-law came. [snip]

When I showed him the washer/dryer combination, he mentioned to his mother-in-law that he saw similar machines in college in Pakistan. I’m thinking about how my condo is in the general area of town where several of the 9/11 hijackers took flying lessons and blew off steam at a strip club down the road right before the Big Flight, and I’m remembering the fact that I have a military license plate on the back of my car and an Air Force base sticker on my front windshield, and I’m thinking there’s no way this guy is going to become my tenant, because he hates me and thinks I’m an infidel and may well know that I’ve been to Iraq twice and deserve to live with Satan as penance.

Then I showed him the attic door and talked about its storage capacity, saying, “Yeah, I used to keep a bike up here, extra boxes, Christ-I mean-holiday decorations–or you know, seasonal stuff can fit up there, if you’re into that…like, you know, Ramadan…” ... I’m thinking I can’t believe I referenced Ramadan decorations and how they’d fit in the attic. I need to find a stationary object on which to bang my head like Dobby the house elf. I’m now positive that I’ve lost a potential customer and am picturing the protagonist in The Kite Runner getting the hell beat out of him and am wondering how I’d look with black eyes and no teeth.

I started to worry. When I ran the library of blessed memory, we tried really hard to be hip, sensitive, and with-it. This actually consisted of a fake Christmas tree, something or other giving homage to Kwanzaa, and what was described on the box as a Traditional Electric Chanukah Menorah? Were we slighting someone? What about Ramadan decorations? Are there any?

I googled "Ramadan decorations," and what do you know, there were lots of entries. One example:



That's a pretty big one, to be sure, as it seems to take up a whole city block. I'm sure there's simpler stuff out there.

I got to thinking about Jewish holiday decorations. Pretty modest, not to say unimaginative. I wonder why?

Perhaps it's because we Jews often had to get out of town on short notice, so we needed small portable decorations. Imagine lugging an 8-foot-tall artificial Christmas tree from Germany to England via Switzerland--those Alps! Even if it's collapsible it would be a real chore. We needed something we could stow easily into a backpack, along with a change of underwear and some precious stones. A menorah, a mezuzzah, a few candles, and you're good to go.

See, there's a reason for everything, if you really think about it.

Chuck and me

I now have my own Verizon guy--his name is Chuck and I have him on speed dial. Chuck is the guy who finally fixed our system so it worked. He had to replace the router, which wasn't working properly. It worked great until yesterday. Then it didn't.

So Chuck swung by and checked out the system. By that time it was back up. He showed me where everything was and how it worked--flashing lights, etc.

It's got to be easier than this--doesn't it? People who are functional illiterates operate websites with ease. They get their e-mail. They attach their cameras, scanners and printers.

Not me.

A shoe I won't be buying

It's official--you can't say anything bad about Islam

Let's hear it for freedom of speech!

A few days ago the UN decided to outlaw any criticism of Islamism – as defined by the Islamists themselves. Since they classify any criticism whatsoever of Islamist aggression as ‘Islamophobic’, this means that the UN will outlaw all such comment.

It would be nice not to be crazy...

or at least any crazier than I am.

I am thinking that the only way to preserve what shreds of sanity are still clinging to me would be to give up the computer. The combination of increasing computer dependence and complete electronic ignorance is potent. Is it just me, or have I been attacked by an especially malign group of manufacturers? Verizon, for instance. Apple Computers, for another.

I was just on the phone to Apple for about an hour. During that period, they were unable to figure out how to install: 1) my Olympus digital camera; 2) my HP scanner, and 3) my Lexmark printer. I asked the customer service rep to consult her peers and call me when they had figured something out. However, Apple does not call customers. So there you have it. I got a little snippy and inquired if anyone could figure out how to make the Mighty Mouse (!) work. She wanted to know what was wrong with it. I told her using the mouse is like typing with mittens on. I asked her if buying a wireless mouse and keyboard would improve things. She didn't know.

Then the Internet connection dropped dead. Verizon couldn't figure out what was wrong. It simply would not connect.

An hour ago, I disconnected the telephone and tried to connect to the Internet. Voila!

Why not just give up? I'm beaten. The forces of American industry have crushed me into a powder. These evil capitalists with their undoubtedly obscene salaries!*

* Salaries are obscene when they are more than 10 percent more than my income.

Carnival of the Insanities is up

and it includes input from your humble correspondent.

Why do people in poor neighborhoods like to walk in the middle of the street...

despite oncoming traffic? I use the word "like" because they must like it--certainly no-one is paying them to do it.

Or do they believe that their 200 lb bodies can repel two tons of steel moving at 25 miles per hour? If so, a course in high school physics is in order.

I do not come from Philadelphia!

What American accent do you have? Your Result: Philadelphia   Your accent is as Philadelphian as a cheesesteak! If you're not from Philadelphia, then you're from someplace near there like south Jersey, Baltimore, or Wilmington. if you've ever journeyed to some far off place where people don't know that Philly has an accent, someone may have thought you talked a little weird even though they didn't have a clue what accent it was they heard.
The Midland
The South
The Inland North
The Northeast
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Still trying to post photos

Wow! It worked! What did I do?

I've been thinking...

Do you think Barack Obama's uncle who was at the liberation of Dachau was friends with the guy who gave John Kerry his hat in Cambodia?

They served in the same army--the army of military frauds, fakers and imaginary playmates.

Oh, I forgot--John Kerry has that magical hat, doesn't he?

Quick question

from Eternity Road:

Have we actually reached the point in this country where a major party’s candidate has “I like puppies” as his entire platform, and the other has “I like America” as his entire platform? I keep hoping, you see, that I am imagining this.

This is so unfair! I have it on good authority that Sen Obama also favors raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. And motherhood and apple pie.

Sen McCain, on the other hand, loves global warming and rich people.

Happy Fourth of July!

Downloading this picture was as easy as--oh, I don't know--brain surgery?

Disillusion

After reading blogs by ardent Mac lovers, I formed the opinion that the only thing holding me back from the wonderful world of Mac was the price. But what's money to a big spender like me? So i ponied up the extra dough. Only $400 more than the Compaq, but it's a classier machine, right?

Not exactly.

What are my problems? 1. I cannot get it to recognize my printer, scanner or camera. This is tough for someone like me, who lives only to scan pictures onto the computer. I also use print my photos and use the resulting prints for my artwork, because it's difficult to persuade eight people to stand still in one position for three weeks.

Have I mentioned that the Mighty Mouse that comes with the thing is clumsy and hard to use? I believe I have.

It also doesn't have as much memory as the aforementioned Compaq. It's slower than my late lamented Dell dinosaur was.

2. The manual, which is about 3 x 3 inches square, and thin enough to use to clean out the spaces between your teeth. In other words, not helpful.

3. Online help? Fugeddiboudit.

So I went to Barnes & Noble and bought two large books titled something like "A Guide to the iMac for Stupid, slow People who don't learn very fast," and "Macintosh for Not Very Smart Retards." After getting them home, I found them not at all helpful.

So I took them back, and the store manager, assuming that I have difficulties with the English language, exchanged them for even dumber books which don't tell me anything. But they have lots of pictures. In color.

So tell me, what's so great about the Mac?

Marriage temperature

When two people live together, regardless of their previous condition, one of them is always too warm and the other always too cold. It's an unbreakable rule.

In our house, I am always warm. I like fresh air. The other inhabitant, hereinafter known as Mr Charm, is always cold and hates fresh air. He likes windows and doors closed. If he goes to bed before I do, I always find the bedroom door and windows closed and stale, hot air in the room. I immediately open windows and door and turn on the ceiling fan.

In the middle of the night he turns off the fan, closes the windows and doors, and goes back to bed.

Last night, I came upstairs to go to bed before he did. I was lying there reading with the fresh air pouring over me when he came in and went to turn off the fan. I threatened to kill him, and he turned it down to the lowest possible setting and went to bed.

In the middle of the night I turned the fan off. I thought it was sufficiently cool and did not want him to burst out in icicles all over and die of hypothermia.

In the morning, the fan was on. He admitted he "thought we might need it." and turned it on.

Why do men and women have the delusion that they could possibly live together in peace and harmony?

Using my new iMac

Last night after I went to bed I couldn't stop thinking about my new iMac and how annoying and frustrating it is. It is refusing to let me install my printer and will not let me download photos from my camera.

The absolutely worst thing is the mouse. It's clumsy, and if you can right click on anything I haven't figured out how. But basically, it's just cumbersome. Using it is like trying to draw a picture with mittens on.

Neighbors

From miriam's ideas

Johnny Virgil has some funny neighbors he blogs about: the Squattersons and the Scummersons. He posts pictures of their antics on his blog. I don't know how he gets these pix: he must have a long distance thingy on his camera.

I have neighbors who are plenty weird but I haven't the nerve to photograph their property.: They live just around the bend and I am sure would ask me what I was doing if I bring out the camera and start snapping pictures of their happy home. I call them the Cattersons, for want of a better name. The Cattersons have chosen to adorn their yard with various representations of cats in different mediums: clay, terra cotta, stone, marble, and flags with pictures of cats. None of these cats are curled up in a ball taking a nap or playing with a piece of string. None would qualify for the name of Fluffy or Cuddles. They are menacing. Gangster cats, not afraid of violence. These cats are lurking, in the shrubbery, on the steps, and amidst the annuals, ready to pounce, and if they get you, it won't be pretty.

So you see why I don't want to be caught photographing them. They're probably in the witness protection program.

Have these items on hand

Are you ready?

[W]henever Obama takes office ... it’s time to start making preparations for his ascension.

First thing we need is a good supply of Dramamine since every time Obama opens his holy throat, the earth moves. I don’t know about you but I get seasick rather easily and having the ground heaving and rolling in response to Obama’s golden tongued rhetoric, it would be too much like being on a Windjammer’s Cruise during hurricane season.

Second, we have to lay in a good supply of pepto bismal if we’re going to be reading the MSM for the next 8 years. I’ve already barfed all over my monitor more than once as a result of reading some of the encomiums that have spewed forth from formerly reputable media outlets. Think how bad it’s going to be after he wins. Jesus at the second coming would have a hard time topping the slavering devotion already shown toward Obama.

Finally, we need to buy a whole lot of whiskey – perhaps I should buy a distillery. The only way a rational human being is going to survive 8 years of doe eyed, kowtowing Obamamaniacs, mindless hero worship, self congratulatory back slapping, and the constant, excruciating, feel-good, “post partisan” unity rhetoric from the once and future messiah is to get and stay rip-roarin’, falling down, three sheets to the wind drunk.

Cheer up! It might only be four years under the--how to say this delicately--chocolate--NO! suntanned--NO!--erm, differently hued Jimmy Carter.

Housekeeping

I bellieve this is the stuff that appears on meeting agendas as Other Old Business. I was right about the router--it didn't work properly. A new one solved the problem. Meanwhile, my backup didn't work, because they "don't support the Mac." Every one in the computer business loves to say the "don't support" this or that in a maddeningly superior tone of voice, when they should be saying "I don't know how to do that because I'm too stupid."

The saddest part is that I lost my e-mail address list, and I don't remember any of the addresses. So my friends don't know how to reach me. The second saddest part is that I lost my gallery of pictures which I painstakingly scanned into the computer. I made backup discs of some, but not all, the pictures. I quite enjoyed doing it, but that doesn't mean I want to do it again. Once a philosopher, twice a pervert.

Some of my pictures have been saved to flickr, but I'm not sure I remember how to access them.

Starting tomorrow: brilliant new insights into Life and Our Society, plus new tales about family, libraries, Delaware and New Jersey.

Up?

The connection is working, I think. But my blogroll has disappeared.

The iMac is totally different.

News flash--the iMac doesn't work either.

Okay, back to Best Buy, which should be called Only Buy because it is almost the only place to buy a computer around here. Fed up with Compaq/HP, I ponied up for a new iMac. Mr Charm and I got it up the stairs, barely. By the way, he loves the iMac. Who wouldn't?

Does it surprise anyone that it doesn't connect to the Internet? I didn't vote for Al Gore, but I'm surprised he held a grudge for so long.

I believe the problem is with the Verizon equipment, because neither the iMac nor the Compaq could connect. So I am going to call Verizon's business office bright and early on Monday morning and ask to get my DSL back. If anyone has another bright idea, please share it with me. DSL worked okay for me. I just upgraded because, well, it was there. I'm an American, that's the way I think. I believe in Progress.

There seems to be a curse on electronics in this house. Comcast never worked either, although it works for everyone else. The television reception is iffy also. Maybe I could access the Internet via my cell phone line?

Anyone with any suggestions, post them in the comments.

I really miss my e-mail. Needless to say, I can't remember my username or password.

Not up--again and still

The new computer, after failing again and again to connect to the Internet, has been returned to Best Buy. The Verizon man was here for three hours trying to get it to connect to our wireless system. Of course, they tested it and it worked. It worked for me too, sporadically, before shutting down. Before exchanging it for one that (hopefully) works, I had to listen to some condescending words from a couple of know-it-all 20 year olds. Eventually, they gave me a new one.

So now I have to purchase a handcart to get it up the stairs. I thought I had one, but it seems to have fallen down the memory hole. It will undoubtedly Turn Up.

I'm really frustrated beyond words by all this bullshit. However, the bottom line is, No Computer. The people I connect with by e-mail must think I've been wiped off the map.

Despair.

A slave to a machine

I'm back on my own computer. I haven't retrieved anything yet, and am not looking forward to dealing with HP, who supposedly have been backing up my work.

But this episode of Internet deprivation has shown me what a slave I am to a dumb piece of equipment which I do not fully understand. I can't even pay my bills. I don't knolw how much money is in my bank account. I'll find out soon enough, though.

I honestly wish I knew just what I was doing. It would probably be helpful.; but instead, I get on my horse and ride off in all directions.

In the meantime I have been using Mr Charm's computer, whicvh he would prefer to use himself. I think he's afraid I will hurt his baby.

The nice thing about the new computer is the new screen. Much more readable.

More later. Must read my blogs.

I'm not exactly back up, but I want to shoot off my mouth anyway.

I read somewhere that Steve Jobs, or was it Bill Gates, was testifying in Congress that we had to admit more technically trained foreigners because there were not enough Americans to fill these jobs. I am also reliably informed that lots of Americans are losing their jobs as the manufacturing sector tanks.


Can we put these two facts together? America, the good old US of A, has 300 million people, some of whom, in fact many of whom, need jobs. Meanwhile, we are importing foreigners from powerhouse countries like India to do the work that requires intelligence and training. On the third hand, we have a bunch of colleges deeply involved in turning out, after a decent interval--five years was the last figure I heard mentioned to get a four-year education--uneducated and illiterate persons.

What's wrong with this picture? Is the country which saved the world in World Wars I and II unable to educate enough citizens to fill highly technical positions? During WW II we turned out liberty ships in ten days because we needed to. Has the populace been inhaling toxic fumes which rob them of their wits?

Is witchcraft involved? The education system takes in bright six-year-olds, gives them six years of sensitivity training, two years of self-esteem promotion, four years of sex education, and four years of additional drivel like Carribean Lesbian Studies, and turns out dummies? Education actually dulls their wits! Yet someone in India who has never owned a pair of shoes becomes a doctor or biochemist?

Why does a Columbia graduate who also attended Harvard Law School believe that there are 57 states?