An "Interesting" Weekend
Monday, April 21, 2008

It all started on Friday, when I put up my "Blog for Fair Pay Day" post.

The first thing that happened was that an anonymous source (no, really, a real anonymous source!!!! ZOMG!!! -- just check the comments if you don't believe me!) informed me that "the wage gap is a myth". (Wow. Aren't you relieved?)

I spent a little time (a very little time) addressing this troll commenter, and I must admit that I was a bit perplexed, because my readership here is usually very small, and while my readers sometimes disagree with me, it's very rare that someone comes along spouting Warren Farrel-esque ridiculousity. Occasionally, the stray troll has followed me home from Shakesville (*cough-cough*randyson/jasper*), but usually, it's smooth and responsible communication here at Chez Portly.

A couple of hours later, I got three comments on my "Robbing the Hearts of Men" post (which is nearly 6 weeks old -- don't bother trying to find them -- I deleted them immediately) -- suffice it to say that they were lovely bon-mots such as "fat hairy-legged pervert" (the mildest of the three), and I found myself wondering:

"Hmmm? Have I done anything particularly controversial today? Or yesterday? Or in the last week?"

My regular readers will know that I have not only not done much controversial blogging in the last two weeks, but that I've barely been blogging at all (*fighting the urge to apologize*).

It's times like these that site-meter is your friend.

I checked my visit history, and sure enough -- Robbing the Hearts of Men had been linked to by no less a "Men's Rights" luminary than Glenn Sacks. (And no, I will not link to his site -- not if you threaten me with wild dogs and fingernails on blackboards.)

Mr. Sacks said, in his post, that he does like to compliment feminists when they try to be fair and understanding -- so he began his post with this highly complimentary line:

"Misguided feminists do occasionally acknowledge the problems men face in our society, under the rubric of PHMT (Patriarchy Hurts Men Too)."

Oh goodie.

I visited Sack's post, read through the comments thread (highly NOT recommended that you do that), and left a comment requesting that Mr. Sacks encourage his readers to visit my blog respectfully, or that he refrain from live-linking to my blog.

Sacks emailed me his response (and posted it in the comment thread), and I went back to his blog (didn't I tell you this was highly NOT recommended?!?!), and was treated to the following lovely stuff in comments (these are just the highlights):

In the comments to his post, I was called:

Fallacious, Dishonest, Irrational, Irrelevant, Misguided, Angry, and Morally Superior.

I was told that my perspective is not legitimate, that I "hate myself", that I have a "fundamentally flawed and hateful position", that I "played the race card" (because I stated that I considered myself as having privilege by virtue of being white), and I was suspected of being conniving and dishonest (writing the original post just so I could later say "Hey, at least I tried.")

Here are some choice quotes:

"Yeah, don't you believe it. The first time she's pissed at someone that's been vulnerable in front of her, she'll attack him for it too."

"This writer is making the same assumption that all feminists make. Female = Good : Male = Bad.
All female attributes are good and all male are bad."

"this woman has a purely gynocentric world view."

"this whole essay a backhanded insult"

"I do get annoyed when feminists pretend to be concerned about men. Frankly, it's an insult to my intelligence to expect me to accept mock sympathy and not be able to see their true agendas."

"If she can't take having her fallacies (or dishonesties) pointed out she should go to a girl's site [emp. mine] where she can get highbrow responses like "Wow! Awesome" and "Right On!". With opponents of such low calibre it should be obvious to anyone that the only reason feminism has come so far is because previous generations of men didn't bother fighting back."

One of the most interesting things (to me) was that many of the commenters made the case that men did not display emotion because that's "just how men are".

Even more interestingly, this line of reasoning was nearly always immediately followed up with a sentence about how women won't sleep with men who display emotion.

I hate to break it to them, but if these guys are having a problem getting laid, I think that the problem probably isn't about how much emotion they do or do not express, but maybe, just maybe . . . .

. . . . . it might have to do with how they talk to women?

The ultimate irony in all of this is that I also dealt with some intense reactions from feminists in comment threads on that particular post (and the follow-up post) over at Shakesville.

So, my trip to Sacks-ville was very educational (and, thankfully, very brief). Here's what I learned/got out of it:

I discovered newfound compassion for those feminists I know who dismiss MRAs out of hand in comment-threads, and are unwilling to extend any benefit of doubt to them, because they have experienced precisely what I experienced -- men who deny that misogyny exists -- while simultaneously actively demonstrating it. Some of these feminists have experienced far worse -- from DDOS attacks on their blogs, to death and rape threats in their email inboxes and postal mailboxes. It was a time when I felt very glad that I was blogging anonymously (or as anonymously as possible).

There were a few people who commented at Sack's in a reasoned, respectful tone (seriously -- like, a few -- as in -- three). There were even a couple who defended me, or said something like: "Well, it's a start."

Here's the thing -- Not only do nearly all of the people commenting at Glenn Sacks' site believe that institutionalized misogyny does not exist -- many, if not most, of them believe that women actually have MORE rights than men do in our society.

They honestly believe this.

(And what I wouldn't do for some "Freaky Friday" soul/body-swapping powers about now.)

Now, I'm an optimist. I believe that humans can change. In an instant.

I believe this because I have changed. In an instant.

So, I thought, "Well, maybe I just touched some nerve -- I'll go to the front page of the blog and see if there's anything that I DO agree with." (How Many Times Do I Have to TELL you, Portly -- this is highly NOT recommended!?!?!?!?)

OK, so the front page had a article about a guy who killed his ex-wife and shot the judge who ordered him 50% custody and 20% alimony payments. To his credit, Sacks was posting the video of the session before the judge that preceded the murder and murder-attempt, apparently intending to get some of his readers to stop apologizing for the guy as they had apparently done in a previous comment-thread.

What was in the comments (and in the comments from the previous thread) shocked me to my core. There were MRAs who not only excused the man's behavior, but claimed that violence of this nature was necessary.

"He killed the childs mother and took away both of his child parrents. I have no sympathy for that. If he had killed the judge only I would be sending him flowers and my judges home address."

"It may well take a lot more killings similar to this for the court system and lawmakers to come to the realization that they screwed up and need to make a change.
Simply put one man with a bullet can create more change than a thousand with protest signs.
Take that any way you want."

Wow.

Oy.

As I said, it was an "interesting" weekend -- and my visit to MRA-land taught me a lot (kind of like how wading in the run-off from the nuclear power station can teach you -- not to wade in the run-off from the power station . . . . ever again).

Because I like to understand things, I've been attempting to wrap my brain around this particular group and their philosophy. So far, my brain doesn't seem to be big enough to quite wrap around it (that's prolly cuz I'm a woman, and my brain is so "low-calibre", dontcha know), but I'll update you if I get any insights.

*Disclaimer: If you get all curious and google this shit and end up on that comments thread, I'll just say, I warned you -- Highly NOT Recommended.*

Posted byPortlyDyke at 2:19 AM 21 comments  

Labels: Blogging, Feminism, Gender, Teh Internet, Trolls

Becoming Insult-Proof
Monday, March 3, 2008

I don't get a lot of hostile commenters at this blog -- it's small and insignificant (except to me and a handful of readers) -- but at other blogs I frequent as a reader and commenter, I often see insults and invective tossed around.

Hell, I've been known to get in a zinger or two myself, if the asshattedness gets overt enough.

One of the things that amuses me, though, is when someone has attempted to "insult" me by writing things like "You're just a fat lesbo who couldn't get a man if she tried!", or has attempted a frontal assault on a fat-acceptance blog by spouting something like: "You obese cow!", or sallied forth to decimate a progressive feminist blog by screeching "You're all a bunch of man-hating dykes!"

Honestly -- these people need new writers.

Here's the thing about "traditional" insults -- a) they stop having much power after you've heard them a million times (usually from the mouths of people whose ideas about other things seem so wrong-headed that you think: "They don't approve of me . . . . I must be doing something right!"), and b) when people use something that you've already clearly and unashamedly owned, it really isn't much of an insult (ie: "You're just a fat lesbo . . . " -- Hmmm, Let's see -- Portly . . . . Check! -- Dyke . . . . . Check! -- leaving me simply with the desire to type: "Glad you noticed my handle. You get an 'A' for reading comprehension.")

So, tonight, I got to thinking about what someone actually might say to me that I would honestly feel "zinged" by --- and I discovered that there's not much left. I know I'm a roly-poly little pervert, and I not only don't mind that -- I actually like it.

Sure, it's inconvenient being queer sometimes (you know, civil rights, physical safety, and all that bother), but I stopped whining and started working on resolving that crap long ago (moving out of Kansas was a good start), and I'm now at an age where if someone decides they don't like me because I am fat, or queer, -- well -- they just aren't people who I will choose to waste much, if any, of my time on.

Hence, "fat fucking lesbo" doesn't even raise my chin-whiskers anymore.

Someone could accuse me of being stubborn, or relentless, or of monopolizing a conversation -- they could attempt to zing me with comments about how I vacillate, or how I often don't follow through on things that I say I'll do (mumblemumblemumblerepeatedpromisestoblogdaily, coughcough-putting labels on all my posts). They could even go for the soft tissue and accuse me of being a mental case.

But see, they'd be right. So, how would that be an insult?

I suppose they could say something to the effect that, as a queer, I'm worthless, bad, and need to be eradicated from the face of the Earth -- but if they said something like that, they'd just be wrong -- so how would that be an insult?

I think that, in order for an insult to truly "take", it has to be something that simultaneously possesses a seed of truth, and it has to be something that you don't want to own.

If someone wants to call me a loud-mouthed, opinionated know-it-all, and my response is "Yeah, tell me something I don't know,"-- the energy of the intended insult is simply absorbed and that energy then belongs to me. To do with as I please.

My beloved has a phrase for this: Spiritual Aikido.

So as I was cogitating on all this, and wondering what little disowned aspects I might have that could still get me all up and sputtering if they were thrown at me, I got to wondering about trolls and the like, and how they take the insults that are thrown at them -- do they feel wounded or upset by what people say to them? Or do they already know that they are acting like assholes? Just a thought.

I know that coming to a greater knowledge and understanding of myself -- forthrightly facing and owning things that I used to think of as "flaws" in myself (which I now think of as simply "qualities"), has rendered me pretty much insult-proof. I no longer have many heroic images of myself, but I also don't have a big pedestal to get hurled off of.

So, here's a bit of Portly advice for you, if you want it -- next time someone "insults" you, and it upsets you, look for that seed of truth, and how you may want to distance yourself from it -- then either step up and proudly own it -- or, if it's hogwash, leave the speaker to cleanse a pig with it.

I think that this whole line of thought started when I saw the following video clip (again, it's Crackle -- be sure to pause it if you don't want to watch the unending comedy line-up of inconsistent quality that follows the first video) -- this clip was notable to me in that it contains not only the rarity of a woman stand-up, but a woman stand-up of menopausal character.

Notice, however, what "Mrs. Hughes" does with the very first line of her set -- she makes a joke that lets the audience know that she knows she's fat by cultural standards -- thus (I believe) derailing a whole set of possible hecklers. She proceeds to her second line and also lets the audience know that she knows she's "old" by cultural standards.

Having done comedy myself, I recognize the efficacy of this -- I started all my sets (especially if I was playing in a venue that was not primarily LGBT, with a forthright identification of myself as queer -- in a funny way -- for the same reason).

Here's to Mrs. Hughes and becoming "insult-proof".

Posted byPortlyDyke at 10:08 PM 9 comments  

Labels: Humor, Teh Internet, Trolls, Video

A Modest Proposal: The Thorny Issue of Sexual Consent
Thursday, October 18, 2007

There's been a lot of discussion about what constitutes "consent" in terms of sexual encounters. Personally, I'm a strong proponent of just asking my sexual partner (even after we've been together for years) the simple question: "Do you want to have sex with me?"

Figuring out what to do after asking this question is a very easy If/Then statement:

IF Answer = "Yes", THEN *sex ensues*, ELSE *sex does not ensue*.

Now, when I've proposed this solution to rape-apologists some people, they have challenged my programming sequence with a very thorny "ElseIF" equation: "But what if she changes her mind in the middle of it and then accuses me of rape?" -- because according to these rape apologists people, this apparently happens all the time -- just every time you turn around, I guess (on some planet).

These rape apologists individuals also say that getting clear consent before gettin'-it-on is a "mood-killer", and one of them stated "unless a woman is chanting "Yes' over and over for hours without interruption . . . . any woman can then claim withdrawal of consent."

And that's when it hit me -- my fool-proof solution to the thorny issue of "consent":

1) Get a clear "yes" from your partner before engaging in sex AND 2) BECOME A BETTER LOVER

See, I've never really thought of it as a problem if my lover was chanting (or screaming) YES! YES! YES! "over and over for hours without interruption" during sex. ("Don't Stop!" and "Keep doing whatever it is you're doing!" also do not disturb me in the slightest.)

In fact, this situation has been so common for me that I had simply assumed that it was par for the course.

You may be wondering: "But PortlyDyke -- How do I become a better lover?"

So here are PortlyDyke's Quick Tips for Better Consensual Sex:

1. ALWAYS get consent from the other person(s) involved before engaging in sex. Awkward as it may sound, I have found that most people who want to have sex with me actually enjoy being asked. (I still ask my partner of many years, and y'know what? -- it tickles her pink! -- no pun intended) Yes, this means that you may have to deal with the inconvenient fact that your prospective partner is too drunk/unconscious to either comprehend your question or answer you -- but in that case --DO NOT PROCEED. See? Isn't that simple?

2. If, at any time during the sexual engagement, your partner says "Stop", "No", "Don't" -- then stop, no, DON'T! If your partner resists you physically -- stop, no, don't. Immediately. DO NOT PROCEED. (There are some exceptions to this rule if you are engaging in consensual S/M, but if you're playing those games without talking it over first and employing "safe words", you deserve whatever fallout you get, AFAIC.)

3. Now here's where the "better lover" part comes in -- If, at any time, you perceive that your partner looks uncomfortable, apathetic, disinterested/disengaged about what's going on, stop and ask them questions like: "Are you enjoying this? Is there something else you want?", etc.. Then listen to their responses and take creative, consensual action on what you hear. I suppose that having apathetic, listless sex may be a turn-on for some people, but if you want to hear that resounding and enthusiastic consent (YES! YES! YES! over and over for hours without interruption), then continuing without enthusiastic response maybe isn't such a great strategy in terms of building your sexual mojo. Jus' sayin'.

(On a totally serious note -- if you are having sex with a stranger, and both of you aren't sober or conscious enough to at least have a coherent talk about STDs and birth control before you make the beast with two backs or commence with the muff-diving/sword-swallowing -- maybe you should consider exchanging phone numbers, going home alone, and having a nap. Seriously.)

Posted byPortlyDyke at 3:17 PM 10 comments  

Labels: Bad Behavior (Others), Consent, Feminism, Rape Culture, Sex, Trolls, Truth, Very Personal Details

Trolls Part 3: Troll and Troll-Collectives -- Distinct Strategies
Wednesday, August 15, 2007

OK, this is the serious portion of this series. Sure, you may choose to have fun with trolls, or ignore them altogether, but honestly, I believe that there is a big difference between dealing with a single asshat who is diddling him/her/itself while attempting to stir up some shit, and dealing with the kind of concerted attacks that troll-collectives attempt to deal out.

Witness the various DDOS attacks that have been perpetrated upon one of my favorite blogs, Shakespeare's Sister, or any of a number of similar attacks on blogs (both liberal and conservative).

When trolls attack en-masse, they have a different agenda, I believe, than an individual troll (who basically just wants your attention). Troll collectives want to shut you up.

In the strictest sense of the word, these troll collectives aren't really trolls at all -- they're fascists, pure and simple.

Depending on how organized and dedicated they are, they may try a number of tactics -- for example -- from making it so inconvenient for you to manage your blog that you simply give up, to waging an all out hack attack to take your blog or website down completely.

Some of them say that they're just in it for the "lulz", but I don't believe that. I think that they're attempting to exercise power over other people.

You might read that word "fascist" and cringe -- you might think that I'm over-reacting or being hysterical -- but one of the earmarks of a true fascist is that they think that they know what's good and right for everyone, and they do not hesitate to take extreme measures to assure that everyone around them adheres to their understanding of what's "good/right". If you don't agree, they seem to have no moral or ethical questions about whether it's also "good/right" to beat you into submission until you either agree, or disappear.

In other words, a troll may "invite" you to deal with It. You still retain power and responsibility and can choose to do so, or not.

A troll-collective/group of fascists will simply step in and make sure that you either have to deal with them, go underground, or submit completely and just shut the fuck up.

While ignoring an individual troll may (and often will) eventually lead to that troll giving up and disappearing on its own, historical evidence pretty much proves, to me, that ignoring fascism doesn't produce the same result.

So what to do when a group of bullies tries to shut you up? Do exactly what you would do in real life.

1. Call in your friends. Let people know what's going on, and ask them to help you out. I strongly encourage you to do this, rather than thinking you're some kind of whiner who "can't take it". Sure, the bullies are going to throw this at you -- ("pussy", "if you can't take the heat", etc.) -- but hell, they're the ones who are moving in en masse -- if they're such big tough hombres, why do they need to batter you as a mob?
   
2. Until your friends arrive, get yourself to safety. "Lock your doors" (shut down your blog, or institute comment verification, or move to "invitation only") and call the authorities -- notify your web or blog host of what's going on, call the police or the FBI if you need to.
3. Once you are safe, then start working on how to solve the problem.
4. When the problem's solved -- keep on blogging. Remember? -- the whole point of the exercise was to get you to shut up -- Don't shut up.
   

As I've considered the attacks that the bloggers at Shakespeare's Sister have endured over the last months, a lot of shit has come up for me, and the bullies that have attempted to silence the voices at Shakes (-Ville and Sis) have given me plenty of stuff to think about. I've often wondered why there seems have been so many efforts to silence those particular voices.

Which has caused me to ponder why I love that particular blog so much. I read a lot of blogs, and surf a lot of web, on a daily basis. SS is, however, one of the places that I never miss in my daily blog-reading.

I used to think it was the snappy writing, the humor, and the diversity. I think, though, that there is something more that draws me (and, apparently, a bunch of asshat fascists) to that "place". As I've said before, there is the sense of community, but I think it's also a sense of (for lack of a better word) -- "heart", and the fact that the posters there aren't afraid to bring their humanity (hence the wide range of subjects in a given day -- yes, there is liberal political thought, but there is also social, cultural, and personal material -- which brings the bloggers themselves into focus for me).

I think that's what fascists are really afraid of -- not that we'll express our political views, but that we'll do so with conviction, humanity, and passion -- that we will show up as real humans, which implies real power to make real change in a real world.

When I finally truly "came out" as a lesbian, homophobia didn't magically vanish from the world I lived in. But some level of my own cooperation with homophobia did disappear.

My abuse as a child continued for as long as it did through a complex system of agreed-upon silences, including my own. When I stopped cooperating with those toxic, tacit agreements, I began to heal.

At this point in my life, I've observed what happens if you just shut up and submit. As difficult as it sometimes is to keep speaking my truth, the alternatives have never been satisfying, enjoyable, or effective. So I'm not fucking shutting up.

There. That is my final piece on trolls.

As with most things in my life, and especially the things in my life that I initially resist and despise, the trolls have taught me a lot -- my "Lesbian Grand Council" thing isn't wholly sarcastic, as it turns out -- the trolls have, through their efforts, only validated to me how important my favorite blog is -- so important that a bunch of trolls spent considerable time and effort trying to make it go away.

Trolls have re-kindled my activism, and convinced me of how vital it is to keep on speaking up.

Thanks for all the fish!

Posted byPortlyDyke at 10:44 AM 3 comments  

Labels: Humor, Teh Internet, Trolls

Trollz Antidotes: Part 2 -- How to Enjoy Trolls
Sunday, August 12, 2007

(Continued from Part I)

This entire post assumes that you are not going to take the cleaner, clearer "Option #1 -- Starve the Troll" approach, and that you have consciously decided that you want to have fun with a troll.

[Disclaimer: I only use these techniques with people who have proven themselves to be trolls by continuing behavior over time. I recommend that you do the same, lest you become a troll. Fangs, bad breath, eeeeew!]

The key to enjoying trolls is to understand the basic energy mechanics of the troll interaction.

I'll begin with the generic individual troll. This type of troll generally wants one thing: Your donation of time, energy, and attention -- in as large a quantity as it can get it. The more ramped up the Troll can get you, the more energy you are likely to spew it's way. Since most of us don't like to feel "mad" or "scared" or "upset", we tend to discharge these emotions away from us, thus losing that energy. If we laugh (an energy that we generally enjoy), we tend to keep our energy with us. This is the one reason that I would advocate having fun with a troll.

Of course, any self-respecting troll will tell you that they are NOT a troll -- that they've just come for an intelligent discussion of the matter at hand. This pretty much recaps what happens if you dare to believe that:



So, fix this maxim firmly in your head: If you choose to toy with a troll, do not entertain the slightest delusion that you are going to "win" -- the point of having fun with a troll is for YOU to HAVE FUN. As far as I'm concerned, all troll play should include the FEPO disclaimer (For Entertainment Purposes Only).

That said, here are a few fun and entertaining games to play with the average everyday individual troll:

1. Give it something shiny to play with. Trolls like shiny things. Shiny things could be links to involved statistical websites (if they are a stat fanatic), fascinating wikis, very long video or audio files (like 30 minutes or longer, and include something like "Be sure to listen in to time-mark 24:35 to get what I'm talking about" in your comment). Send it over for a friendly chat with BlogWarBot, but obfuscate the link with something like "Here, THIS is exactly what I'm saying, but the author is way more articulate than I am."
1. For the html impaired, here's a cut and paste for your "troll-fun" file -- simply remove all the asterisks *:

   Here, <*a href="http://faultline.org/index.php/site/blogwarbot/">THIS <*/a>is <*i>exactly <*/i>what I'm saying, but the author is way more articulate than I am.

2. Play with it on its own terms.
1. Play the "Bible Study Game" with Fundamentalist Christian trolls. I generally whip this one out any time a troll cites or quotes scripture. It's really fun, because, as I said before, the Bible can be used to justify almost anything. Don't worry if you don't have a wealth of biblical knowledge -- that what sites like these are for: http://www.biblegateway.com -- you can simply search on a keyword and whip up a delicious biblical pastiche.
   
2. Play the "But That's Not What You Said Yesterday" Game -- Keep a handy note-pad file open while you surf your regular community (one note-pad file for each recurrent Troll), and save the Troll's particularly juicy comments (with date and time included) to that file. When the Troll flip-flops (and they usually will -- especially Trolls who accuse you of being inconsistent), just copy, paste, and voila!
   
3. Start a impromptu Virtual Party/Pub with the people that you think are actually making intelligent discussion on the thread -- invite them specifically, offer them a cordial flask of strong drink or a cup of tea -- and request that they ignore the troll completely as you continue the conversation and sip your refreshing virtual beverages. Here's a template: "Hey! I'm declaring a Party on this thread. /*plumping cushions, tapping the keg*/ _______, _____, _________, and _______, will you join me? Let's go over here where we can't hear the troll." (Warning: this must be very consistent -- you must all then ignore the troll's whining about exclusion, freedom-of-speech, the intolerance of regulars to opposing positions, etc.). Make sure that the party includes lots of good humor and serious discussion.
4. Play Troll Bingo -- there are a number of great issue bingo cards out there -- including rape apology bingo, fat hate bingo, libertaraian troll bingo, etc..
   
5. Acknowledge the Troll's service to the view that it opposes. If the troll has truly outdone itself, offer it an award:

If you are uncomfortable associating yourself to the LGC for any idealogical (or other) reason, it's perfectly legitimate for you to create your own organization and awards.

If you aren't that gifted with photoshop, there are also some handy-dandy images here that are great for troll fun.


The first rule of Troll Enjoyment is Have Fun! The second rule is Be Creative! Go wild!

There are also exciting group games that you can play:

1. Put the Enterprise into self-destruct mode if the troll is very persistent. (It's worked for Captain Kirk several times). Let other regulars know that when anyone types "Destruct sequence 1, code 1-1 A." Another commenter will respond: "Destruct sequence 2, code 1-1 A-2B." A third will respond:"Destruct sequence 3, code 1 B-2B-3." A fourth will respond: "Destruct sequence completed and engaged. Awaiting final code for one-minute countdown. The commanding officer would then state: "Code zero zero zero. Destruct. Zero." From that time forward, everyone leaves the thread for the next 15 minutes. In haloscan, have everyone close their windows, so that the comment thread shows evacuation procedure. Upon return, ignore the troll. Yes, this takes some coordination, but it's really fun. If you're the owner of the blog, you may be able to close the comment thread. Have an agreed-upon rendezvous point if you do this. If you want to know my secret rendezvous point, you have to leave a comment here -- and it's still at my discretion whether I reveal the rendezvous point to you or not.
   
2. Have an anti-troll device that you can hand out to regulars. (This is that exciting invention that I've been working on.) Presenting:
   

Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:00 AM 11 comments  

Labels: Teh Internet, Trolls, Video

Trollzy Antidotes -- Part the First
Saturday, August 11, 2007

Regarding Trolls: I told you they was tricksy. I told you they was false.

OK. That about sums it up. My work here is done. /*dusting off palms*/
=======================
Oh, don't get all knicker-twisted -- of course that isn't all of it.

I'm going to take you through the Portly Dyke step-by-step program of troll-handling. Basically, it involves 3 basic activities:

1. Assure that you are actually dealing with a troll, rather than a person who may simply be ignorant on the issues (and therefore, who someday may actually come to enlighten you, and/or be enlightened, through the process of intelligent, respectful conversation or dialogue).
   
2. Once you have assured that you are actually dealing with a troll, make a clear decision about how you want to deal with the troll. (See below)
3. Once you have made a decision about how you want to deal with the troll, STICK the FUCK to your approach!

Gee. That sounds so simple, doesn't it?

Let's start with step 1. How can you know if you're actually dealing with a troll?

There are some tell-tale signs. I listed a few in my first post about this, but here those basics, plus some more:

1. Asks lots of questions, never really answers any. Then, demands that you answer their questions, even though you have already answered their questions.
   
2. Spouts unequivocal statements that are wildly speculative, but includes no facts to back up the statements.
3. Acts like an ASSHAT
   
4. Uses the phrase "I love cake" without proper context and/or irony.
   
5. States "I just like being contrary for its own sake" (h/t Moira)
6. Claims that they're not a anti-(fill-in-the-blank), but rather, anti-(fill-in-the-blank) (h/t Emily)
7. And the list goes ON and ON and ON
   

But I haven't really answered the question have I? How do you know if you're REALLY dealing with a troll? Cuz -- Trollz Can B Trickzy. Trollz Can B Falz.

Sorry to be so vague about this next bit of advice -- but essentially, you're going to have to rely on your own mad google skillz, your intuition, and your experience in determining whether a troll is a troll is a troll.

However -- I do have a suggestion -- in general, I advocate using an age-old native american women's tradition (especially when you are participating in a blog/board community where you have ongoing experience).

In some first-nations peoples, if a woman came to sit in council with other women, and she bitched about something, and then received advice from the other women, everyone would sit and listen/receive, then advise/counsel. The second time the woman came and bitched about the same thing, she would receive further counsel. However, if the woman came back a third time, bitched in the same way about the same thing, and had not acted upon the action that had been recommended, the other women in the circle would not say anything to her. They would, very respectfully and quietly, simply get up, move the circle over a few yards, sit down, and continue the circle. This, in the teaching I got, was called "moving the circle". It is not a message of "we hate you and you are bad" -- it's a message of "we've said everything we have to say to you -- what you choose next is up to you."

So, for me, one way to identify a troll (read "energy vampire") is to offer my opinion/answers/responses once -- twice -- and when they come back a third time with the same crap, I move away. Usually. Unless I'm just having fun and fucking with their heads (never a really good idea, I've discovered).

Step 2 -- Having identified a troll, how are YOU going to deal with it?

The topic of the "best" way to deal with a troll has been a subject of some debate. The conventional wisdom is "starve it to death" (which I generally concur with) -- don't answer it, don't respond to it, glance by its comments as if you have smelled a lethal lentil fart and move on to fresher air. In my opinion, once you have identified an individual troll (one that is not associated with a troll-mass), this is a good strategy, in my opinion . . . . . . UNLESS . . . .

You may post or comment on blogs or boards where the owner has an honest intent to allow freedom of speech (what a concept!) -- this blog is one of those. Yes, I do use "comment verification" (which some of my commenters despise -- -- and I don't blame them for despising it -- but hell, it does slow the process down, and prevents auto-bots from spamming my blog from afar without even bothering to take the time to get here, think for the moment it takes them to type in the verification, etc. -- before spewing complete dreck).

You may be frustrated by the fact that a blog author/administrator allows certain posts and comments to continue to exist upon their blog/board -- you might scream "Ban them! Burn them! Remove those trolls and their vile drivel! You're only giving them a platform and more exposure!" -- but think about this: If a blog moderator extirpated every entry you made that ever pissed them (or other people) off, how could any discussion of any remotely difficult topic continue in the blogging community?

Also -- Consider that the very presence of a troll's absurd and/or extreme statements may actually support your argument/stance via demonstration. That is one of the things that I appreciated about the One True Thread (h/t to Phydeaux fer that name, and no, I am not going to link to it again, for psychically hygienic purposes -- check this post for a link to the One True Thread) If anyone ever wanted a clear demonstration about the thriving existence of misogyny in present-day society, the comments from trolls on this thread prove it, for me, beyond a shadow of a doubt. (As we at the Lesbian Grand Council like to say -- "Thanks for all the fish!")

In my opinion, there are, basically, two pretty solid options when dealing with an individual troll:

1. Ignore the Troll. Starve the Troll. Don't respond to It at all. Ever. In Any Way. However -- if you don't have the emotional or mental discipline to accomplish this, then:
   
2. Have fun with The Troll (I'll be putting up a whole new post tomorrow on "How to Enjoy Trolls"). If you choose this second option, then, BY GOD -- CHOOSE IT! Don't entertain regrets later. Understand, from the get-go, that you are engaging with an irrational creature that wants your attention, and donate that attention passionately in a way that is truly enjoyable for you. If you don't have the emotional or mental discipline to accomplish this, then return to option 1!

You may have noticed that I emphasized "individual trolls" above -- this is because I distinguish Individual Trolls from Troll-Mass Events. I believe that Troll Mass Events (such as those found on the One True Thread) require completely different strategies, because of the different motivations of individual trolls and troll-collectives.

IME, an individual troll is generally someone who simply wants to affirm their existence by elucidating the response/reaction of others -- any others -- no matter what that response/reaction may be. I believe that individual trolls are sitting at their computers (all alone and feeling blue) and that they desire some outside validation that they still exist. I actually experience compassion for this, because I will confess that I love it when I open my browser in the morning and there is a comment on my blog, or someone has responded to a comment that I made elsewhere. However, I have a strong preference for connective and expansive feedback (even if this is feedback where someone is saying something that doesn't necessarily "agree" with my point of view -- as long as it is proffered in a manner which invites me to connection, I feel glad to connect). Trolls seem to want any response, whether it is connective or not -- like a child who is willing to throw a tantrum in order to get their parent's attention (whether positive or negative).

So, dealing with an individual troll by the starvation tactic listed above as option #1 is, I think, the most effective approach. Sort of like ignoring a child as they throw a tantrum (regardless of how much embarrassment you may experience as you stand in the cereal aisle at the local grocery while they do it -- and yes, I've been there, done that).

Troll-Mass Events (DDOS attacks, 4chan, etc.) seem, to me, to be something else entirely -- they seem to be engaged in an effort to affirm the strength or reality of a community, whether real or imaginary. Notice, in the One True Thread, how many times the trolls try to imply the multitudinousness (is that a real word?) of their community, and the exponential energy of their "group" -- they threaten dominance -- often by any means available. These trolls, in my opinion, are not seeking simple "reaction" to prove to themselves that they continue to exist -- they want to elucidate a sort of submission from others that validates their sense of "might" as a perceived community.

The first part of this scene from Breakfast Club comes to mind:

The irony is, I'm sure, from what they say (Oh, the femnsts R ohprssin me!) that the members of the troll-collective that I recently encountered would think of themselves as Bender, and me as Vernon, while I think of myself as Bender, and them as Vernon.

But -- hmmmm -- let's think about that for a moment. They claim that they are many, and claim that they have power (Vernon and the establishment of the school) and I claim that I am one and claim no power over them (Bender, the outcast). They represent oppressive power that has been in place for many centuries (Vernon), and I am the emerging thought daring to rebel (Bender). Hmmmmm.

It's all sooooo relative, nay? Because this same clip contains fat-phobic, sex-phobic, misogynist, classist, etc., etc., etc., content. Plus the added goodness of a description of child-abuse that is similar to that which I endured. "Did I stutter?"

OK -- I'll be back tomorrow with Part 2 "How to Enjoy Trolls", and Later, with Part 3 --"Troll and Troll-Collectives -- Distinct Strategies".

Posted byPortlyDyke at 10:33 AM 2 comments  

Labels: Teh Internet, Trolls, Video

People Are Strange

Well, isn't that WEIRD! My post on trolls brought out the first trolls I've ever had on my blog!

That's so WEIRD!

I know that I really, really, really promised that I'd be back with my antidote today, but it's not done yet.

I've been busy dealing with real life in the last 24 hours. What a refreshing concept!

For those of you who care to, please send some prayers/good-vibes/whatever you believe in -- to Phydeaux -- who is having a kitty-wandering-off experience. I've experienced this, and it sucks. I'm sending you big hugs, Phydeaux!

For those of you who have been watching, or were involved with, the One True Thread over at Shakespeare's Sister (I will not link to it here -- it's kind of like He Who Must Not Be Named, I think) -- I imagine that you are, like me, simply recovering. My best advice is: Lots of nice, hot baths (unless you are sweltering in hotter climes -- in which case, lots of nice, cold drinks and cold compresses) -- a thorough "brain rinse" (read something by Robert Frost, watch an episode of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, or chant something something like "People are really good at heart") -- and a brisk walk outside.

I must admit that the finale of that debacle left me feeling simply sad, sad, sad for the people who were posting the dreck at the end. What a lonely and desperate life they must be leading. I'm sad about that, to this moment.

I want to thank each and every one of you who have commented here on my little tiny blog. And I am experiencing great gratitude that I "know" you, if only in the tiniest way, through your words.

And to Namechanged -- well, I've been wrong before, so I'm not too worried. Here's to your oncoming daughter!

Posted byPortlyDyke at 12:17 AM 4 comments  

Labels: Teh Internet, Trolls

Troll Inventionz
Thursday, August 9, 2007

Today, I stood troll duty on a 500+ comment thread [update: Current Count 1225] Yes, it was exhausting (but also kind of fun, seeing how it was my day off and all). Yes, it was disgusting (because . . . .well, it's disgusting at times).

I leave this thread feeling only inspiration for a project I've been considering for a while now:

The Absolutely Fool-Proof Troll Antidote.

It's a far-fetched dream, I admit -- but in some way, just considering it has me feeling like Madame Curie. It's like the Holy Grail, Shangra-La, and Coronado, all wrapped up into one.

Downside: It's going to take me a day or two to invent it. Bummer.

Upside: It's a great topic for a QOD!

So, please readers, discuss (I will be listening and incorporating) -- what is the first sign that tips you off to a troll?

Some that I already have are:

1. Asks lots of questions, never really answers any.
2. Spouts unequivocal statements that are wildly speculative, but includes no facts to back up the statements.
3. Acts like an ASSHAT

I really really really really promise that I will be back tomorrow with an actual mechanism to deal with trolls. And I invite any of you to bookmark this post, and enter a comment onto it any time that you need help dealing with trolls. If I'm online, I'll respond.

*putting on my "inventing" hat, drawing the blinds*

(update: Read On About the Inventionz)

Portly Dyke

Posted byPortlyDyke at 8:39 AM 16 comments  

Labels: Humor, Teh Internet, Trolls

The Lesbian Grand Council FAQ
Monday, July 23, 2007

Well, I've commented on behalf of the Lesbian Grand Council ^[tm] a few times now, and I think it's time that we come out of the closet.

Lesbian Grand Council (LGC) FAQ:

Question: What is the Lesbian Grand Council?

Answer: The Lesbian Grand Council is a galaxy-wide coalition of lesbians and lesbian-sympathizers. At its meta-level, the LGC governs every aspect of life as a lesbian (see "The Lesbian Rules" at the end of this post), which is far too detailed and complex to explain fully in this post (or this lifetime). Do not attempt to understand the LGC in its entirety. This will lead you to the Cliffs of Insanity.

Question: Do I have to be a lesbian in order to be authorized to post/comment on behalf of the LGC?

Answer: No. But you do have to be willing to be identified as a lesbian, which includes, for legal purposes, being labeled, in print or electronic media, with any or all of the following words, and in any combination thereof: lesbian, dyke, lesbo, queer, homo, gay, cunt, man-hating, castrating, dick-slicing, ball-cutting, bull-dagger, unnatural, freak, freak-of-nature, abomination, sodomite, pervert, perv, muff-diver, clam-licker, flange-fister (or, when you are lingering with the "intelligentsia" -- Homophile, or Invert) -- and also, even though you would think it didn't really apply to lesbians: faggot, fag, fairy, fruit, cock-sucker, and "some-phrase-I-haven't-thought-of-yet-
but-I'm-sure-They-will". (I welcome your submissions if I've omitted a common epithet that you feel should be included in this section of the FAQ.)

This section implies, but does not detail, further phrases and combinations of abusive language that you are likely to encounter if you post or comment as a representative of the LGC, such as "can't get a man", "just need a real man", or "fat, ugly hole". We will refrain from detailing other, more violent, abusive phrases that you may be the recipient of, as we do not want to show up in certain Google searches.

Question: Do I have to be bitter to post/comment on behalf of the LGC?

Answer: Not necessarily, but it may help. The human tongue is capable of tracking five basic tastes: Salty (Ooooo -- Pussy!), Sweet (Ooooo again -- Pussy!), Savouriness (aka Umame -- OOOOO -- Pussy again!!), Sour (sometimes, pussy, also) and Bitter (Also sometimes pussy, unfortunately) -- however, -- evolutionary biologists have suggested that a distaste for bitter substances may have evolved as a defense mechanism against accidental poisoning, so developing your bitterness-receptors may actually help you to determine when you have encountered something that is potentially poisonous -- such as a right-wing troll, rape-apologist, progressive wanna-be, or queer-basher. Don't hesitate to develop your "Bitter" receptors -- you may need them, in the long run.

Question: Does the LGC have any rules about posting/commenting on behalf of the organization?

Answer: Emphatically, YES. Here are the LGC posting/commenting guidelines, in a nutshell:

• When posting on behalf of the LGC, do not call anyone names that you, yourself, would not want, or be willing, to be called.
  
• In all instances, be "up-beat" and congratulatory in your posts/comments! Example: "Great job [right-wing nut-case]! Thanks for helping the LGC in its continuing mission to raise the awareness of all humanity about the reality and prevalence of real oppression, simply by being who you are, and saying what you say! I couldn't have made a better case against hypocrisy and hate if I had banged away on my keyboard all day!"
• Remember that extremely hateful people can be testy at times. If they nip or bark at you, remain calm and keep your sense of humor.
  
• Try to really "give" something to those you are posting/commenting to . . . An award, certificate, or decorative wall-hanging can go a long, long way! Be creative! Yes, you can always fall back on LGC standard awards: the "Honorary Inadvertent Blue-Ally Creator" lapel-pin, or the "Thanks for Pushing that Gay-Curious Gal Off the Fence Cuz You're Being Such an Asshole" Certificate of Merit, but the LGC encourages innovative thought and action, and we welcome your suggestions for new honors and awards.
  

Question: How do I become an authorized poster/commenter for the LGC?

Answer: You must apply to ME, Portly Dyke, at this blog -- Nowhere Else! As LGC Internet Chairwomyn/Chairwombwyn/Chairwomin (oh, fuck it,whatever) -- I, and I alone, have the power to invest you as an authorized LGC poster/commenter.

To apply for authorization, make a comment to this post, detailing the gifts and commitment that you bring as a potential LGC poster/commenter, and I will consider your application.

Of course, there are some intricacies involved with being a Lesbian, or even with being associated with Lesbianism. If I could figure out how to embed this sound file into my blog, I'd do it, but for now -- you're just going to have to bear with a link to . . . .
The Lesbian Rules

If you're serious about applying, I suggest you listen to that.

Signing Off,
Portly Dyke

[This post is dedicated to Fred Phelps, who, through his courageous stretching of the hate-envelope, managed to transform my straight, Lutheran, midwest mother into a LGBT activist.]

Posted byPortlyDyke at 7:57 PM 7 comments  

Labels: Feminism, Humor, Trolls

No, Seriously Folks -- Community
Monday, June 25, 2007

I've been following the posts and comments at Shakesville's temporary old/new platform for the past four days now.

I was directed to view Shakesville (may it emerge in Splendor again SOON) many months ago by a friend whose intellect I greatly admire, and whose ethics I trust. I had read/sampled/surveyed many blogs, but something about Shakesville (at that time, Shakespeare's Sister) captured me. I lurked for a long time before commenting.

Here's what I found that kept me coming back to that blog:

1. Smart people (bloggers and commenters alike) who did things like read books, think about things, write/talk about things, watch film and television and surf the web with some kind of consciousness about how they think the things they were taking in might affect themselves and others.
2. People who possessed the courage of their own convictions, and spoke forthrightly about them, but who were also willing to be challenged by virtually anyone who would engage in intelligent dialogue about those convictions, even if the opinions presented were contrary to the poster's.
   
3. And, perhaps most importantly -- Melissa McEwen, who, in my mind, "holds the space" that is Shakesville, allowing other wonderful bloggers to speak and express and convey, while bringing her own unique intelligence, humor, craft, and art to her posts. I've read a lot of comments at Shakesville, and have witnessed Melissa stepping in to confront even those who might be considered "allies" if she thought their logic fallacious or their expressions in violation of the blog's stated terms -- I've witnessed her rising to the defense of people whose stated opinions don't agree with her own. I call that equanimity.

All of this brings up all sorts of questions for me.

How is it that I can feel a certain void in my life because my usual mode of connection with posters/commenters -- people that I have never met, and may never meet face-to-face -- has been shifted?

What role does this one woman play in creating a point of gravity to which so many intelligent, witty, and delightful people (imo) have been drawn?

What responsibility, if any, do I have in supporting the community that has so supported me, by feeding and nurturing me daily with their thoughts, expressions, arguments, dialogues, and discussions?

It is strange, and exhilarating, to me, that I somehow "know" people that I do not know. That somehow, we are connecting through the mathematics of electronic communication, and that these questions are stimulated in my brain. I can imagine the 1s and 0s of my computer thinking "Thank You! Did you finally figure out what we're really good for? Took you long enough! -- Asshat!"

I said in a previous post "Here's to the asshats! (OK, maybe not so much.)"

I'm re-thinking that. In truth, I'm not sure I would have come to full awareness of how much Shakesville had become an extension of my concept of community, if this DOS attack had not been perpetrated.

So now, I'll say to the asshat perpetrator(s), in total sincerity: Thank you.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to understand my privilege. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to know what I had gained from, by providing me with its absence.

See, I told you I would alternate between wild rant and cross-transferent empathy.

Posted byPortlyDyke at 9:46 PM 4 comments  

Labels: Community, Melissa McEwen, Shakesville, Smart People, Solidarity, Trolls

Solidarity -- Having the Shakes
Friday, June 22, 2007

Yesterday, a friend of mine declared that she would be blogging daily. Since I am jonesing so bad from lack of Shakesville, I am making the same commitment. For those of you who don't already know, Shakesville is under a DOS attack.

And in solidarity with all the Shakers, I am sending out a dykely/witchly chant that all Shakesville's servers may be healed and become eternally invulnerable to twits, wimps, weiners, and bullies everywhere. I will also be making a donation.

I happen to believe in the concept that "what you resist, persists".

I can't believe that the asshats who are perpetrating the attack don't see how precisely they validate the importance of the voices at Shakesville by their actions.

This will simply draw more readers to the blog, stimulate more donations, give more press. Here's to the asshats! (OK, maybe not so much.)

Ironic, no? Far from moving me into the silence they hope for, they have simply stiffened my resolve. Yesterday, a luke-warm lazy-ass blogger, today a keen and dedicated blogger.

I will not shut up. I don't believe that any of the Shakers will shut up. I notice that Phydeaux is Speaking, Mustang, WKW, etal -- and thank heavens for that. I loved that, even while one group that I think of as my community (Shakesville bloggers) were down with the electronic flu, I could get word of them via the rest of the dedicated souls who WILL NOT SHUT UP!!

There are various comments flying about regarding who perpetrated the attack -- and why -- Was it Christians, Fat-0-Phobes, Rape Apologists, or Wing-Nuts?

Were they complaining about the sacrilege of portraying Jesus in chocolate?

Were they maddened by the perversion of displaying beautiful fat women as . . . well . . . beautiful fat women?

Were they aghast at the audacity of 'Liss calling "bull-shit!" about one-liners about rape on the carpet by displaying the not-so-subtle heinousness of these toss-off comments?

Were they protesting the supposedly traitorous activity of examining the state of our nation from a rational point of view?

I've got my money on a lunatic response to fat-acceptance or the possibility of real change in awareness about rape in our society.

I think that folks in the business of hatred and separation must realize, at some visceral level, if not consciously, that shifting consciousness about these issues works at a completely different level than simply talking about politics or religion.

Cause the fat girl is next door, or in your house, or in yourself, and the rape victim is, too, and if you had to change your awareness and behavior about something that close to your own actual life, who knows what kind of cascading transformation might be set off by it?

I've been a full-on, in-your-face political activist, human rights activist, and anti-war protester at various times in my life. I've worked on skid-row with addicts and alcoholic homeless folk. I've confronted screaming homophobes in parking lots.

But the toughest choices I've ever made, and I think, the most powerful activist moments I have participated in, have been in the comfort of my own living room talking with my best friend about why it was important to talk about the sexual abuse she had experienced, under the flourescent lights of my parent's house as I told my Dad that I was fine with how much I weighed, or standing in the yard with my neighbor as I asked him not to vote for a measure that would deny gays the right to foster and/or adopt children, even if he is a Christian.

I gave up "traditional" activism because I believe, from experience, that the up-close and personal approach is more effective.

I think that's what I feel at Shakesville -- a sense of community, though we may be miles, or continents, apart -- a sense of the willingness to get up close and personal with one another as we discuss the issues.

That's why I go back there. That's why I "Have the Shakes" tonight.

Let's have a Phoebe Snow moment, shall we?

"Never shutting up, never shutting up, never shutting up . . . . "

Posted byPortlyDyke at 11:07 PM 5 comments  

Labels: Censorship, Consciousness, Freedom of Speech, Shakesville, Solidarity, Speaking Up, Trolls, True Stories