As The Editor negotiated our entry to the campus it suddenly
dawned on me – I have never previously been at a university. For a man with two
degrees, that takes some doing!
Led to the lecture theatre I peeked through the door – and
had a puckering moment. What seemed to be a full house, all looking in my
direction. As I told them the only other time I faced a crowd as large was the
riot squad in 1990- but I hoped for a more positive ending from this gathering.
Mildly panicked, I used the remaining few minutes of the
countdown to sidle (flee!) outside for a last cigarette. Standing in the rain,
sheltered by my new hat, I pondered. Here was a room full of young and
inquiring minds. Doubtless they attended from a mix of motives, from the genuinely interested to the morbidly curious, and I had to somehow engage with
them.
Talking is nothing new to me. My brief appearance on Channel
4 hardly phased me but then the cameras were easy to ignore. In the lecture
theatre the shape of the room, the immediacy of the occasion, demanded quite
the opposite. Smaller group and a
smaller room would have been far easier to mesmerise, particularly given my
style of extemporising.
The introduction I was given was embarrassingly fulsome
impossible to live up to but very soothing on the ego. Not for the first time of
late I had a glimpse of just how strange my life must seem to others’.
And so I talked for 90 minutes, sans notes, huge images of
myself and my cell flashing on the wall behind me. Bless them for their
patience, because I paced too and fro, sometimes almost talking to myself as I
reached back into my memory. It was like living in a flashback.
My delivery was god awful. There was a mic at the lectern but chose to pace back and forth, and I wonder
now how audible I was, how cogent. Never able to judge my own performance at
the best of times, self doubt niggles at the edges of my consciousness.
What did I hope for from these guys, apart from their ears?
That at some point one of them would be prompted to reconsider something they
believed. Maybe, just maybe, I succeeded.
I did begin a bit mean; I asked who in the room was in
favour of the death penalty, “who here wants to see me killed?” t may have been
a little livelier if someone had stepped up at that point!
Thanks to all who gave me time yesterday. I truly appreciate
it.
