TEN

Celebrating 10 wonderfully hard, rewarding and fun years with the hottest guy I know. Marriage requires work and laughter. It requires letting go of yourself to become a better self; one yoked with another. Two becoming one flesh. For better or for worse. And there is no one I'd rather share life with than this guy. He makes me a better person and I make him a funnier one. Ha ha ha. 

Go and hug your loved ones today. For no reason at all. xo

Weekly Challenge & A Promise

This week I started a 30 day challenge issued at our church's marriage conference this past weekend. The challenge? Pray this each day. "God, show me one way You want me to love my spouse today and give me the courage to do whatever You show me." Wait. Listen. Act.

Why accept this challenge? Because my marriage is currently meatloaf and I want STEAK. Join me in this little challenge, if you'd like, and see how God moves you and your marriage.

Now the promise... I promise to bring you more original content and to post nothing if I don't have anything worth saying. Your time is precious and I want to honor whatever little bit you spend with me.

Happy Weekend. How will you be brave in the days ahead? xo

*be brave by shanna murray

5 Creative Date Nights...

Let's face it, we need date nights. They truly do make marriages stronger. But once littles get added to the mix, date nights go from every weekend to once a month - if we're lucky. Add in the cost of a sitter and suddenly the importance we place on date nights dwindles even more. Suddenly a night out that includes dinner and a movie goes from $50 to $100. WHAAAAT? That is just sooo not in our budget.

Yes, there are creative date nights that don't require you spending a dime, aside from the sitter. But what happens when you move to a new city and don't know anyone that you can trust with your little? Or when your sitter cancels at the last minute? Etc.  The hubs and I have found that date nights can actually be had without a sitter!  Here's how...

1. Family Dining with Playscapes.  Chick-fil-A - I know, it's not glamorous at all; but it's completely possible to have some good chuckles and quality time with your man while your littles romp in the play zone. Think one hand spun milkshake - 2 straws.  Ikea - Again, not glamorous. But they really do have something amazing to offer date starved couples- Smaland. Check your kids in for an hour of play while you and the hubs go upstairs for dinner or coffee. (*note - your littles have to be a certain height to play)

fort via the wedding wardrobist

2. Fort nights - Once the littles are in bed, you and the hubs make the perfect fort (indoors or outside) for a night of cuddles, dessert and card games.

drive-in via oh hello friend

3. Drive-in movie - Who says you have to leave your driveway for the perfect date? Travel DVD players can turn any driveway into a drive-in theatre. Pop some popcorn, grab his favorite treats and some pillows/blankets... instant theatre. When was the last time you made out with your hubs in the car?

4. Separate tables - Go to your favorite (kid-friendly) restaurant and grab two tables side by side. You and the hubs sit at one while the littles sit at the other. The key here is to pack a toy bag filled with goodies. My MIL Julia taught me this one and it's probably one of the best parenting tips I've ever received. I always have a toy bag packed with small thrift store toys or fun games that keep them entertained. I rotate the toys so they don't get "stale."

picnic via we heart it

5. Picnic in the park - Enjoy a family dinner and then set the littles loose. Bring bubbles, scooters and flashlights (for a fun game of tag once it's dark). While the littles play, you and your man get to chat, play games and snuggle on the blanket.

I know - these aren't the hottest dates ever. In fact most of them don't even require lipstick, but you make the most with what you have. The most important thing is that you make your marriage a priority. Any time you make the effort to pour into your spouse or your marriage it makes the relationship stronger. Go ahead - fill up your love bank while keeping some money in your pocket! xo

Forever February: 2 Tested and Approved Marriage Tips

Happy Valentine's Day! I thought I'd use today (the last day of Forever February) to share with you the two best lessons I've learned regarding marriage:

1. The hubs and I are ONE

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Once the hubs and I said, "I do." we were no longer two, but one. We both do what is best for us and our family, not us individually. I try to always think the best of him and he does the same for me. And even though I am a very small part of Fish Fotography, he never once uses "I" but always "we." I love that he does that.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined in marriage, let no man separate. Matthew19:6

Speaker/Listener

Please don't miss this. This technique makes communication so much easier. Mechanical at first, but that's what's so great about it. It slows things down. Here's how:

When you are communicating with your spouse, significant other or friend and it's a touchy subject, heated or has the potential to go bad... STOP! Grab your conch. What???? You know, an item that signifies you are the one speaking - you have the floor. This can be anything: your wedding rings, a stuffed animal, a key, your bible, a pillow...anything.

(when we first started, we used our rings or a stuffed animal)

The "Conch" - whoever has the "conch" has the floor. They are the Speaker.

Speaker - your job is to communicate using short statements that express your needs, desires, etc. This is not your opportunity to share everything that ticks you off about the listener. (Remember, love holds no record of wrongs done.) 

Listener - your job is to listen to the speaker and repeat back what you heard the speaker say. There are no interruptions. You don't get to "defend" yourself or say, "yeah but..." You will get your turn. Right now, your job is to listen.

Speaker, remember to be brief. Allow the listener to repeat back what they heard you say. Once they do, you either repeat what you just said (chances are, they've misheard you) or you move on in your communication. You go back and forth like this until the speaker feels that they have been heard and understood. 

Next, you flip-flop. Listener, you get the "conch", sharing what's on your heart and Speaker, it is now your job to listen. 

Yes, you will feel like a robot. Yes, you will think it's silly and probably prefer not to do it. Yes, you may even laugh. But if you stick to it - YOU WILL BE HEARD - clearly too. I promise you, this is the best way to communicate and break the language barrier. Eventually it becomes second nature and the communication just becomes natural and easy-er. 

Much of what I have shared in Forever February is from the ReEngage curriculum at my church, Watermark Community Church. The hubs and I have led several couples through this program with much success and miracles at every turn. If you live in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and are struggling in your marriage (or know someone who is) or just want a stronger marriage, please check out ReEngage.

Happy Happy Valentine's Day. Remember, whether you are married or not, you are loved! xo

Forever February: RRR - Don't be a W.E.N.I.

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Fights. Everyone has them. And guess what? (I have a little secret for you.) They can be good for you - if they are done well. Yup, learning to fight well is essential to a strong relationship/marriage. Let me give you a little key as to how you can do this. 

Learn your typical fighting style. I'm not talkin' sucker punches, jabs to the chin or a good strong right hook. I'm talkin' WENI!

Withdrawal - do you get frustrated and leave the room?

Escalate - do you yell or say hurtful things to be heard, thus making the fight more heated?

Negative Interpret - do you misunderstand what your spouse says/does and take it in a negative way?

Invalidate - do you discredit what your spouse says?

I have done one or all of these things at some point in our marriage, but my two faves that I go back to over and over are escalation and negative interpret. 

One time the hubs was mowing the lawn while I was inside taking care of the littles. I became seething mad that he was out there whistling dixie in the cool 100+ degree sun just loving the day, while I was spending my Saturday just like every other day - with the littles. Did you catch that? 100+ was the temp. He was also mowing the lawn (serving our family), not chillin' at the pool. When he came inside, I let him have it. Awesome huh? Poor guy.

In the first year of our marriage we got into a huge fight. I left and went to my parents. Praise God he followed me to their house. Once I calmed down enough to hear him he told me, "It's really hard to love on you when your so prickly." That's me...prickly like a porcupine when I escalate; and all I really wanted was for him to make me feel loved and special. 

Over the years, we have learned to fight well. After much counsel, wisdom and grace... we are able to think the best of one another, hear truth, and practice speaker-listener. More on that later! Don't be a W.E.N.I. xo

Forever February: Remember

Forty years. To me that's a lifetime. To my parents, it's the sign of a lot of love and a lot of hard work. If anyone has ever told you marriage, or any relationship for that matter, is easy...they're lying. Plain and simple.  And don't let Hollywood fool you into thinking that 1. sex comes easy - and always rocks, 2.  your man should, and will, always romance the pants off you (this goes back to the big sex lie #1), and 3. you'll live happily ever after. Lie. Lie. Lie. The divorce rates in America and around the world clearly speak to the fact that marriage is hard.

So how can we keep our relationships alive and strong year after year? Well, there's a lot of answers to that, but let's just focus on one for today... Remember. Remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.

Forty four years ago, my Mom made these undies for my Dad at the ripe old age of 19. He still keeps them in his undie drawer. I'm not sure why he does, perhaps as a reminder - I sure hope so.  Anyway, the point is this - I'm pretty sure my Mom still thinks sex is fun (although it kinda gags me to think about that) and I'm quite sure that his body does NOT look like it did 44 years ago. None the less, I do think she still "craves his bod" because of the love that she has for him, not for his abs or firm bootie (both of which were lost in a time/space continuum). My parents have seen and experienced a lot and they are still romancing one another in their own little ways.

So, why did you marry your spouse and promise forever? Me? Well, my hubs was and is hysterically funny, extremely smart, wicked talented, a leader, and above all - a godly, humble man. Sure he still annoys the heck out of me by leaving the toilet seat up, mistaking the floor beside the bed for a dirty clothes hamper, and oh sooo much more, but no one is perfect. Not even me. The little things that annoy me and quite honestly piss me off sometimes are not things he does to make me mad or hurt me. They are simply a part of who he is... a tad forgetful and a tad messy. But when I married him, my vows were for better or for worse and I'm pretty sure his little idiosyncrasies are far from the worst that we'll face together. Year one was proof that we'd face super hard times but we're fighting like hell everyday to make our marriage forever and it is so worth it.

 Now it's your turn to remember - what was it that made you fall in love? xo