Not (Yet) A Recognised Medical Condition

Overheard in the Day Assessment Unit, Princess Alexandra Maternity Wing, Royal Cornwall Hospital, Truro:

MIDWIFE 1: Gosh, it's busy today, isn't it?

MIDWIFE 2: It really is. We've got urine coming out of our ears!

Chiswick Residents Struggle To Cope With Celebrity Restaurant Outbreak

INT. LADIES TOILET, CHISWICK HIGH ROAD BRASSERIE - NIGHT

A mobile phone rings. GIRL in toilet cubicle answers.

GIRL: What? I'm having a wee!

GIRL: I'm at Ant and Dec's! Having a wee! Where are you?

GIRL: I didn't say Frankie's! I said Ant and Dec's!

Girl exits cubicle.

GIRL (to friend): Tch - I told her to meet us at Ant and Dec's, but she's standing outside Frankie Dettori's!

FRIEND: Oh. So what do you want to do, then?

GIRL: Shall we just go back to All Bar One?