Tales From the Chatroom: Dear Pietro..

Tonight in chat, Kalinara and I realized that even though Scott Summers and Pietro Maximoff have so much in common that writers swap them during Alternate Timelines and What-Ifs and they were effectively counterparts in the Silver Age, but they interact much more rarely than they should. Then it occurred to us that they must be penpals.

Dear Pietro,
How are you? I'm fine. The Professor just developed an evil split personality and tried to kill us. Or something. I admit, I don't quite follow. On the plus side, he mind wiped your dad, so you should get a few weeks of vacation out of the deal. I have to go, he's trying to kill us. See you soon.

Dear Scott.
I'm glad you're well. So am I. I am deeply impressed that you can tell the difference between an evil split personality of Professor Xavier's and his typical machiavellian plotting. Thank him for the memory wipe, as it allowed Wanda and I to finally have a quiet Thanksgiving.

~~~~~

Dear Pietro,
It's possible you will get a package from my former father-in-law. It is advised that you do not open it. Have a happy holiday.

Dear Scott,
Thank you for the warning. Enclosed is a magnetic bumper sticker backing that should provide some amusement next time you encounter my father. Happy New Year.

~~~~~

Dear Pietro,
How are you? I don't know if you've been watching the news lately, but we have a de-aged and amnesiac version of your father staying with us. He apparently is hitting it off with Rogue. Gambit is annoyed. It's vastly entertaining. Hope things are going well with you.

Dear Scott,
As always, I am pleased to learn that Father has lost his memory. Today I ventured across the Island of Dr. Moreau Players production of Camelot. There is talk of some sort of scientific Grail Quest. I'd forgotten how little sense life makes at home.

~~~~~

Dear Scott,
How are you? I have unfortunately been trapped into working for my father again. I have been successful in curtailing his plans for light genocide this week, but this fixation with robots troubles me. Send Jean my well-wishes.

Dear Pietro,
I'm fine, how are you? I've sent you a package of electrical engineering text books. Use as you see fit. Jean is dead again, but I'll transmit your wishes when she comes back.

Dear Scott,
I am doing much better since receiving your gift. Father is rather upset about it. My condolences on Jean. I would like to attend the funeral, but am too busy preventing my father from murdering too many members of his Cabinet. Please accept this wreath and apologize for my absence when she returns.

~~~~~

Dear Pietro,
If someone comes to your door saying it is me, do not open it. I have been possessed by Apocalypse. DEATH TO ALL UNWORTHY!!! I am going to take a vacation on a fishing vessel. TREMBLE BEFORE ME MORTAL. Please tell Wanda I said hi. DIE INFIDEL. Best wishes.

Dear Scott,
Have relayed your greeting to Wanda, as well as your warning. Good luck with the possession. I am told that the trick is not to isolate yourself but to surround yourself with people who care for you, but I don't know anyone with a heart who has actually tried this. I certainly wouldn't risk my sister in such a way.

DEAR PIETRO,
HOW ARE YOU? I HOPE THINGS ARE WELL FOR YOUR SISTER. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF A NEW CAREER ON LIFE? I HAVE A JOB OPENING AND YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD PESTILENCE.

Dear Apocalypse,
I move far too fast for pestilence. My father, on the other hand, is a plague upon the entire species. Contact him.

DEAR PIETRO,
HOW ARE YOU? YOUR FAMILY IS A SCOURGE AND A BLIGHT ON THE PLANET. ALSO YOUR SISTER WILL NOT RETURN MY CALLS.

Stay. Away. From. My. Sister.

Dear Pietro,
How are you? Sorry it's been a while since I last wrote, I was amnesiac on a fishing vessel and then had to get exorcised.

Dear Scott,
Quite well. How was the fishing?

~~~~~

Every once in a while, Sims shows evidence of a working brain.

Like on IM today...

Chris Sims: So.
Chris Sims: To review.
Chris Sims: Post-Nextwave, Machine Man gets to be a surly, drunken, shape-changing leading man in MARVEL ZOMBIES 3, where he takes on an entire planet of the undead and wins.
Chris Sims: Post-Nextwave, Monica Rambeau gets to be in MARVEL DIVAS, which is described as "Sex in the City in the Marvel Universe."
Chris Sims: No wonder you women are so mad all the time.

The comparison hadn't occurred to me until then. I'd even been willing to write the whole thing off as EiC Foot-in-the-Mouth syndrome, but now I'm all mad Marvel again.

I'm about to lose some money, aren't I?

So Kalinara and I have a standing bet on Captain America. We're both completely convinced that Steve Rogers will be back very soon. Kalinara figured on a milestone issue. She said they'll either bring him back with issue 50 or they'll renumber Captain America like they did Fantastic Four and Thor on the next big centissual (I know that can't be the right word but I'm using it anyway) and mark the event with resurrection of Steve Rogers. I said that it would coincide with a date or an event rather than an issue number. I expected Steve Rogers to be resurrected on the month of his 70th Anniversary issue, in a special 4th of July or Sept 11th issue, or just before the movie comes out.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #600
Written by ED BRUBAKER with MARK WAID, ROGER STERN & OTHERS
Pencils by BUTCH GUICE, LUKE ROSS, DALE EAGLESHAM & OTHERS
Cover by STEVE EPTING
50/50 Cover by ALEX ROSS
Where were you when Captain America died? It's the anniversary of the day Steve Rogers was killed, a day of reflection and mourning in the Marvel U...a time to look back on the things Steve did and what he stood for... or is this issue actually the beginning of the most wicked plot twist since issue 25? Yeah, actually it's both. Plus, contributions from Cap creators past and present, including a very special essay by Joe Simon, a classic story from Cap's Golden Age, a full gallery of 600 Cap covers, and more anniversary shenanigans than you can shake a shield at!
104 PGS./New and Reprints/Rated T+ ...$4.99

MARVEL SPOTLIGHT: CAPTAIN AMERICA
Written by JOHN RHETT THOMAS
Cover by LUKE ROSS
A milestone 600th issue is worthy of a special issue of SPOTLIGHT no matter what the title. But when it's CAPTAIN AMERICA? We're gonna rock and roll with a SPOTLIGHT that's full of as much red, white and blue shield-slingin' surprises as we can! First up is an exclusive interview with the creative team ushering in this august occasion: Ed Brubaker, Butch Guice and Luke Ross -- three luminaries who have been letting their Cap flags fly! On top of that, we'll have coverage of some of the great Cap artists of all time, including 600th-issue cover artists Steve Epting and Alex Ross. We promise you'll be just as thrilled to read this as we will be to put it together! Remember: Cap's history is America's history! So join the SPOTLIGHT team as we take a look back and to the future with America's most patriotic hero!
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$2.99

CBR News: Marvel Solicitations, June 2009

Yeah, they might as well have just put "The Return of Steve Rogers" in that solicit. There's a chance I can keep my ice cream money in June (maybe if someone from Marvel sees this blogpost and goes "oh shit, the fans are on to us!") but it's so slim it's under five on the BMI scale. This solicit is so obviously for a resurrection event that I'd bet the Steve is back reveal happens in the first few pages and that the end of the book has a completely different cliffhanger (You know, like in issue #25) if Kalinara didn't also figure on Brubaker pulling that again.

I took the long bet mainly because I wanted to watch Bucky squirm in Steve's place for a few extra months but I think I'll get over it. See, I'm starting to love the idea of Steve coming back in the middle of Dark Reign. How else can you can top "Wait.. you guilted/extorted/bribed my traumatized (semi-adopted) baby brother to risk his life doing my job..." but with "Tony... HOW did the Green Goblin end up holding the list of superhero names and addresses, along with all of that tech specifically designed to take out the people NOT on the list..."?

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Tales from the Chatroom

Kalinara's been reading back issues of Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos today, and has treated me to a running commentary on the plot.

This includes her opinion on Nick's love interest Pamela.

An excerpt:

Kalinara (12:16:06 AM): Oh no, he's buying her a ring

Kalinara (12:16:09 AM): She's going to die.

Kalinara (12:16:10 AM): ...

Kalinara (12:16:12 AM): YAY

Tales from the Chatroom

Kalinara... on civics:

You ever notice...There are 9 members of the Supreme Court. And 9 Nazgul?

The Further AIM Adventures of Ragnell and Kalinara... in INNER SPAAAACE!!

Ragnell: It's vitally important that we wear the GL costumes on the day I finally snap.
Ragnell: So I can introduce myself to the gathering crowd as Hayley Jordan and point to you as my associate Gal Gardner.
Kalinara: I'll look appropriately menacing.

(I know one of you is typing a comment asking what led to this part of the conversation. Stop it. You really don't want to know this one.)