Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Credential FAIL

Part of me really hopes that this turns out to be a hoax, but I have a sinking feeling that it's legit:



A billion bucks buys this?

A blogTO reader sent us this photo of his G20 security pass the other day, which reveals that world leaders congregating in Toronto have every reason to fear for their safety. There are grave problems with the security credentials that have been issued to residents within the safety zone. Problems that may see impostors from "Ontairo" freely enter the protected area.

Well, not really. But somebody's been a bit sloppy. In light of the massive sum allocated to protect the delegates and fortify the downtown core (not to mention the fake lake fiasco), you'd expect that organizers would be able to spell Ontario.

Or, might it be that the budget has gotten so out of hand that typos like this are left to stand?

Either way, the hallmark of any successful security effort is attention to detail. And on that account, this little mistake is anything but an auspicious sign.


(shamelessly lifted from blogTO)

Monday, June 14, 2010

But seriously folks...

This week has been one hell of a ride.  But now that things have settled down and my fifteen minutes of fame is coming to an end, I have a chance to pause and reflect on the issue that sparked all this: the outrageous, growing bill for the G8 and G20 summits.

Given the nearly universal public backlash from the left and the right, I've been left wondering - what could Stephen Harper's motivation possibly have been? What possessed him to suddenly abandon his own party's avowed ideology and blow over a billion dollars on one wild weekend in the Big Smoke? Is it pure ego as the Liberals claim? Or is this some Machiavellian political strategy that went horribly awry?

Certainly incompetence has played a big role.  As with most decisions based on politics rather than sound policy, the decision to host both summits in Muskoka and then suddenly move one to Toronto has cost the government a fortune in last minute preparations, including gaffes like hiring an overpriced and unlicensed private security firm.

The idea that all of this was some unintentional clusterfuck is terrifying, but is bolstered by the fact that the rationalizations given by the Conservatives have been more than a little confusing.  First they were saying that this was just the cost of being a world player, and that events like this required extraordinary security measures because of 9/11 and dangerous demonstrators armed with spray cans.  And yet, apparently all of the previous G20 or G8 summits - pre- and post-9/11 - have been pulled off for a fraction of the cost. Even in more expensive cities. Even in the U.S.

Once that was pointed out, the Conservatives suddenly switched tack.  It's not just the security, they said - it's about "showcasing Canada to the world".

I thought Jim Meek did a fine job of taking that one apart.

Harper says the fake lake isn’t a fake lake, despite the canoes and the phoney docks. Harper insists it is really a reflecting pool that is part of a $2-million marketing pavilion to promote Canadian tourism.

This means the media centre for the G8 summit isn’t a media centre, but an element in a marketing campaign designed to transform 3,000 international financial journalists into tourism ambassadors.

So the media centre that is not a media centre, housing the fake lake that is not a fake lake, will allow reporters to experience the simulated joys of the G8 summit site — which they cannot visit. 

...This begs two questions.

Is this summit a billion-dollar-plus tourism campaign, even though the reluctant travel writers can’t do any travelling? Or a summit of world leaders designed to stave off a second economic calamity, at which the financial writers can’t interview the designers of a shining new tomorrow?

The truth, of course, is that the government’s agenda is at cross purposes. Sorry, guys, you aren’t going to capture the hearts and minds of seasoned economics reporters by scaring them with virtual loon calls.

Nice.

About the only time this week that the Conservatives appeared to be on top of the G20 debacle was the "gardening incident", where an innocent fertilizer purchase was suddenly transformed into a national security threat, complete with police sketches and stock footage of Oklahoma City.

It also became a convenient justification for spending ungodly amounts of tax money on security.  Which, of course, makes me wonder if all incidents of faulty fertilizer paperwork are met with such a well publicized hue and cry.

As for my little ditty, I'm happy to think that it has played some small role in galvanizing public opinion against this government.  As one interviewer put it, when what you are doing becomes mockable, you know you're in serious trouble.

And when what you write becomes graffiti, you know you've really made a difference.



(found by a friend on College Street in Toronto)

Interview with Jerry Agar on NewsTalk 1010 (June 10 podcast, approx. 29:05)

Interview with Bill Kelly on CHML Radio, Hamilton (June 11, interview #3)

Interview on GlobalTV Toronto (June 10)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

If I Had a Billion Dollars - The Video!

You asked for it, you got it: the musical stylings of Jennifer Smith, Iain Smith and Lesley Stankaitis with "If I Had a Billion Dollars".

Enjoy.



UPDATE - Welcome, Toronto Star readers! Oh, and National Newswatch too. Hello there!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Why Canadian Cynic is Still my Favourite Guilty Pleasure

Whenever I'm feeling down or discouraged, or I just need a bit of a laugh, CC is always there to cheer me up:

BREAKING NEWS: Pierre Poilievre is an obnoxious little turd.

Hey, don't take my word for it -- even a Blogging Tory thinks so.

Whenever you see that little shit, don't you have an overwhelming urge to stuff him into a locker?


Yeah, it's petty, it's juvenile, and it adds absolutely nothing to the the political discourse. But it's oh so very, very true.

Thanks, CC. I needed that.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bloody Romans. No Sense of Humour.

I don't believe it. I just had a total stranger in the grocery store parking lot voice her objection to the Darwin Fish on the back of my van!

Christian Shopper (in a very huffy voice):
Excuse me, can I ask you something?

Me: Sure.

CS: What's that supposed to mean? (pointing at the offending fish)

Me: Uh... belief in evolution?

CS: Really. In a Christian fish.

Me: Uh... yeah.

CS: Hmph. Nice.

Me: Yeah. It's called 'irony'.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Calling All YouTubers!

The best thing about the latest Conservative attack ad campaign - aside from it's massive Liberal fundraising potential - is that it is positively ripe for parody.

Like this...



Let the spoofing begin!

(H/T to Impolitical)

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Lazy Easter Weekend Blogging: Jon Stewart

A must-see if you missed it, a cheerful reminder if you didn't:



Seriously, I'd feel a lot better about these paranoid nutjobs if they didn't have their very own TV network.

Monday, February 16, 2009

"And THAT'S why you're still just a Parliamentary Secretary!"

Courtesy of Dr. Dawg et al, this amusing exchange in Thursday's Question Period between Bloc MP Paul Crête and what was apparently a pre-recorded message:

Mr. Paul Crête (Montmagny—L'Islet—Kamouraska—Rivière-du-Loup, BQ):

Mr. Speaker, despite endless urging from the opposition parties and members of all sectors of civil society, the Conservative government is still stubbornly refusing to repatriate young Omar Khadr to Canada. Worse yet, the Prime Minister refuses to even raise the matter with President Obama when he visits, according to one of his spokespersons. We are talking here of a child soldier, imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay for more than six years now and subjected to acts of torture.

Does the Prime Minister understand that he has a moral duty to discuss with President Obama the arrangements for repatriating this young Canadian citizen, Omar Khadr?

Will he do this or will he sink—

The Speaker:


The hon. Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

Mr. Deepak Obhrai (Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister of Foreign Affairs, CPC):

Mr. Speaker, our position regarding Mr. Khadr remains unchanged. Mr. Khadr faces serious charges that include murder, attempted murder and terrorism.

We continue to closely monitor this situation, including the work of the American committee formed to study the fate of the detainees, including Mr. Khadr. Any speculation is premature at this time.

Mr. Paul Crête (Montmagny—L'Islet—Kamouraska—Rivière-du-Loup, BQ):

Mr. Speaker, the Convention on the Protection and Promotion of the Diversity of Cultural Expressions comes into effect on March 18, 2007. Guided by Quebec, Canada signed that convention along with 95 other countries.

Since the United States has not yet signed, does the Prime Minister intend to put this on the agenda when he meets with President Obama, in order to convince him to sign the convention?

Mr. Deepak Obhrai (Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister of Foreign Affairs, CPC):

Mr. Speaker, I will say this again. Our position regarding Mr. Khadr remains unchanged. Mr. Khadr faces serious charges, including murder. We continue to closely monitor the situation, including the work of the American committee formed by President Obama to study the fate of detainees, including Mr. Khadr.


And it goes on and on in absurdist fashion, different questions, same answer... and all I could think of was this:

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Kevin Smith RAWKS!!!!!

Happy happy happy! Just got back from seeing Kevin Smith live at Roy Thomson Hall, and it was all I dreamed it could be.

(and if you have to ask who Kevin Smith is... let's just say we are no longer friends.)

I'm guessing by tomorrow morning there will be cell phone footage on YouTube from the adorably perky redhead who finagled her way onstage, gave Kev a hug, plunked herself on the couch, put her feet up and started texting her friends that OMFG IM ONSTAGE W KEVIN SMITH!!!

Then there was the guy who started rambling on about his Hebrew school teacher and watching some guy in the change room at his gym who wears tighty whities and... I don't think even he knew where he was going with that. I'm inclined to believe that he was just messing with Kev and Mewes, but it's hard to say.

Oh, and apparently Mewes just got married to a smokin' hot chick named Jordan. Which proves once and for all that the finest women go for the funny guys.

Anyway, KS is going to be at the Bloor for Kevin Smith Fest. Three nights, six films, and all the Q&A you can handle. I'm still deciding whether and when I'll try to attend, but even if I don't get to ask the man if he would like to ever make a film in this country or open Secret Stash North in T.O., I'm a happy woman just for having attended tonight.

Talk to me, baby. Talk to me.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Funniest Ad EVER

I am obviously further out of the culture loop than I thought because not only had I not seen this before, but at first I didn't even think this was a real ad for a real company. But it is.

Genius.



Too bad we can't get HULU in Canada.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Gratuitous Ted Haggard YouTube Post

Shamelessly ripped off of Canadian Cynic to boot. Because mocking self-hating, hypocritical homophobes just never, ever gets old.

Enjoy.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Lisa Raitt Blog Watch

NOTE: The following update has been deemed suitable for viewing by candidates' children aged 7 and under.

Days since Halton Candidate Lisa Raitt's last blog post:    4

Days since Lisa Raitt's last blog post that Lisa Raitt wrote any of* (not including comments reprinted from local newspapers):    9

Days since Lisa Raitt's last blog post that Lisa Raitt wrote ALL of*:    10

Days since Lisa Raitt's blog stopped accepting comments:    10

Percentage of total words on Lisa Raitt's blog written by Lisa Raitt*, including titles:    44%

* giving her the benefit of the doubt, but not precluding the possibility that some or all segments were written for her by staff.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bubble Boy

Harper a man who 'lives in a bubble'
Tory campaign goes to extraordinary lengths keeping him from public


OTTAWA–Prime Minister Stephen Harper is shielded from the public as he criss-crosses the country, campaigning in a political bubble.

No handshakes on street corners or rallies in the parks. Only highly staged backdrops for his daily political message, and assemblies where Tory staffers and security officers closely monitor the crowds.

It's a classic "front-runner" technique – a safe, tightly scripted and controlled campaign – taken to a whole new level.

Rallies are off-limits for any member of the public who just shows up. Nobody gets in unless they have been pre-registered by the local riding association. Even local media are asked to sign up in advance.

...The Harper campaign keeps a short leash on national and local media, limiting questions and access to local candidates, sometimes calling on RCMP security to block reporters from doing their jobs.

Harper "hides from Canadians. He lives in a bubble," Liberal Leader Stéphane Dion said last night in Winnipeg.


Just ask Stuart.

Stuart Service is a local reporter from the Halton Compass who attended the Harper/Raitt rally in Oakville last week. Stuart did his usual excellent job reporting on the event itself (although, oddly, he left out any mention of the protesters outside), but also wrote a fascinating companion piece about the experience of reporting on a Harper rally.

He talks about the reporters being 'cordoned off' within a perimeter of yellow tape at the very back of the room. He talks about getting to hang out with ohmygodohmygod it's David Akin. And he talks about how different all this was from what his bosses experienced when they covered the Dion event at the very same hall. Then, they got to ask questions, chat with the leader, and get some great close-up shots.

This time, it was behind the yellow tape, no questions please, and so far from the man himself that a telephoto lens was required to get a usable shot.

Stuart is very coy about how he really felt about all this, but it's a point that has been made before. It goes something like this:

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

New Voicemail Message at Stornoway:

You've reached the leader of Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition. I'm sorry, Mr. Dion can't answer your imperious summons right now. Please fuck off and try your call again.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Conservatives to Allow Candidates and Agents to Testify

In an abrupt reversal, a spokesperson for the Conservative Party of Canada announced today that the party would, in fact, permit former candidates and their agents to appear before the Commons ethics committee investigating the so-called "in-and-out scheme". However, they indicated that certain restrictions would apply.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Yo yo yo! (snort)

This embarrassing incident has been all over everywhere today, but for me what's even funnier than Bush calling, "Yo, Harper!" is the rather vigorous nose swipe right before. With his right hand, no less. The hand that he uses to shake hands with all those world leaders.

Watch closely now...



Nice. Classy.

Well, nobody can accuse these boys of being 'elitist', now can they?

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Hail the Almighty Tallest!

A rather amusing report on ABC News tonight examined the vital issue of the relative heights of the G8 leaders.

Guess who comes out on top?



Well. That's it then. There's no point fighting it any longer. We must bow to the inevitable and the laws of the Irken Empire.

All Hail Steve, oh Mighty Tallest, Ruler of Canada and the Universe!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

I don't think this is the kind of "stimulus" they had in mind

President Bush Boosts Porn Industry With Economic Stimulus Plan, According to AIMRCo

An unforeseen and surprising beneficiary of the Economic Stimulus Plan, a plan that George Bush contends will "boost our economy and encourage job creation," has surfaced this week. An independent market-research firm, AIMRCo (Adult Internet Market Research Company), has discovered that many websites focused on adult or erotic material have experienced an upswing in sales in the recent weeks since checks have appeared in millions of Americans' mailboxes across the country.

According to Kirk Mishkin, Head Research Consultant for AIMRCo, "Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market."


'Stimulus'... the 'Invisible Hand'... 'Economic Viagra'... the jokes just write themselves, don't they?

(H/T to Red Tory)