A Graveside Visit

'Divine Mercy' as drawn by Theodore G. Donahue

Yesterday, on what would have been Theodore's 18th birthday, we visited his grave. It was cold and windy, so we did not stay there long, but we did say a few prayers and spent some time there in silence.

Someone had already put some plastic flowers at the site.

As is usual, the other children asked me when we were going to get a marker for Theodore's grave. I couldn't answer them, because I don't even know when I shall get it done. I still don't know what I could write on a gravestone which would summarize the life of one so dear to me. How could one or two lines describe someone whose absence has left such a hole in our hearts and in our lives?

Nearly 16 years ago, on December 1, 1994, three of my friends and colleagues were killed in a helicopter crash in Ann Arbor, Michigan. At that time, I had compared the deaths of my friends with that of a large stone dropped into a pond. Initially, the passing of the stone leaves a void - but almost immediately the water rushes back in, covering up the defect. Ripples spread out from the point of impact, leaving the surface of the pond more or less unsettled, depending on how close one was to the epicenter. In the aftermath of this crash, new pilots, doctors and nurses joined the group and took up the work. We kept on flying. For me, the stone in the pond seemed to be a pretty neat metaphor for death and survival.

I was wrong.

For those closest to the deceased, that hole, that void, never fills up again. After nearly three years since Theodore's death, his absence is like a pain in my side which will never go away. Every head count I make - and it is very important to count heads when you have such a large family - comes up one person, one name, short of what my obsessive/compulsive brain is expecting. Every time I recognize this discrepancy, I have to remind myself that the count is off by one because one of my children is dead. In some circles, this process is known as 'reconciliation,' where the reason for the incorrect count is resolved. In my case, it is hard to reconcile myself to this fact.

Try putting that on a gravestone.

While thinking about this and freezing in the wind , a car pulled up behind ours, and a man got out. He had flowers - we forgot to bring some - which he carried to a nearby grave. He also stood there for a while, with his back turned away from us to keep the wind out of his face. As I watched him, I considered how blessed I was to be here with my loving wife, my eight living sons and four daughters, and how I should rejoice to be so blessed by God. Carolyn had the same thoughts as she gazed upon the solitary man, with one additional thought: one day it would be just one of us coming here to see Theodore's grave.

Thoughts on Jane Austen's Novel 'Persuasion'

Every year, about this time, Turbotax sends me their income tax CD so I can do my own taxes. By some happy coincidence my accountant's worksheet arrived the same day, so I took a few minutes(more like an hour) to run some hypothetical numbers.

Turbotax is really cool. As one starts to use the program, the amount owed or to be refunded is displayed in the upper left corner. The numbers are red if one owes money, and green if one should receive a refund. I enjoy using Turbotax to estimate how things will be this year, and as I put in all sorts of approximate data, I enjoy watching the numbers change. Wipe out my dependents, and my amount owed becomes huge. Donate a large sum to a fictitious charity, and watch the numbers turn green. Finally I got tired of playing, put in the correct numbers, and watched the numbers turn green and grow just a little. At this point I tossed the CD and finished filling out the CPA's papers.

Accountants and lawyers are two groups of people who have my respect and deepest appreciation. They know things which would never have occurred to me, and I have benefited greatly from their help. I was reminded of the service that lawyers and accountants have provided me today as I started reading Jane Austen's novel Persuasion. For those of you who live under a rock, Persuasion is the story of Anne Elliot, a woman who was persuaded to break off an engagement with her love because he had no prospects, no future, no wealth; in short, a nobody. But that is not what reminded me of lawyers. Like other Jane Austen novels, the side stories are sometimes more interesting than the main one. In this case, the novel opens up with Anne's father, Sir Walter Elliot, being informed that he has no money. He has to resort to drastic measures in order to pay off his creditors; he has to leave his home and take up residence in a smaller abode. There is a word in the book for it: 'retrench.' It sounds bad.

Since he can't afford to live on his estate, Sir Walter's LAWYER finds a tenant for it. The prospective tenant is the ideal candidate for Sir Walter's estate: married with no children. I would have to agree with this assessment. A wife will look after the house while the non-existent children will NOT destroy the furniture, draw and color on the walls, put holes in places where there were none before, flood every toilet, and dig up every plant in the garden. I am not speaking from personal experience here; I have heard that children can do these things even under close supervision.

(It reminds me of the time I tried to rent a house while I was a resident - I still recall the change in the landlady's voice when I mentioned the ages of my four children. Even more painful was renting a house with ten children. But I digress.)

There is only one drawback to the tenant, and that is where my thoughts and sentiments and sympathy diverge from those of Sir Walter Elliot. Until he said these words, I thought that Jane Austen was describing me completely. In the eyes of Sir Walter, the prospective tenant is unacceptable because he is an admiral of the Royal Navy, recently home from the sea during a lull in the action. Sir Walter summarizes his regard for the military as follows:

"...it is in two points offensive to me; I have two strong grounds of objection to it. First, as being the means of bringing persons of obscure birth into undue distinction, and raising men to honours which their fathers and grandfathers never dreamt of; and, secondly, as it cuts up a man's youth and vigour most horribly; a sailor grows old sooner than any other man."

Never mind the second point; it is the first that struck me. You see, I was one of those who benefited greatly from serving in the Armed Forces. While I did not raise myself into undue distinction(someone said I did do the best imitation of Yoda they had ever heard), I did have the honor and privilege to care for our country's airmen, soldiers, sailors, their dependents, and retirees. I shall be forever grateful for the opportunity that I received from the United States Air Force. I am also grateful that other folks in Persuasion defend the soldiers and sailors of England. Bravo!


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As an aside, I commented to Carolyn that Jane Austen had a lot of run-on sentences in Persuasion. I read her one of the sentences which made up the majority of a large paragraph. Carolyn pointed out that Persuasion was published after her death, and so the usual editing was probably not done. I was relieved to hear that, because for a while I thought I was reading the works of Henry James, or even Amanda McKittrick Ros - the inspiration for writing my Bad Poetry.

I wish I could write like Jane Austen, but for now, I have to struggle to attain the heights of heuristic holisticity happened upon by Amanda McKittrick Ros.

Last Look Back

St. Joseph Catholic Church
Waxahachie, Texas

Give Peace, Lord

Give peace, O Lord, in our time
Because there is no one else
Who will fight for us
If not You, our God.

Commentary from the Road Without Turning

Reminiscere

The Default Picture Walrus was looking for the reference to 'Exsurge quare obdormis' and 'Reminiscere.' He found it here.

Good Shepherd Sunday Meditation

This is a selection from the 2008 Midnight Mass Homily of Pope Benedict XVI. Food for thought on Good Shepherd Sunday:

"Let us think of those children who are victims of the industry of pornography and every other appalling form of abuse, and thus are traumatized in the depths of their soul."

"The Child of Bethlehem summons us once again to do everything in our power to put an end to the suffering of these children; to do everything possible to make the light of Bethlehem touch the heart of every man and woman."

"Only through the conversion of hearts, only through a change in the depths of our hearts can the cause of all this evil be overcome, only thus can the power of the evil one be defeated."

"Only if people change will the world change; and in order to change, people need the light that comes from God, the light which so unexpectedly entered into our night."



'The Road Without Turning' is the name of a short story by Malcolm Wheeler-Nicholson, which appears in the book Spies and More Spies, edited by Robert Arthur.

DIVINE MERCY MESSAGE

"No man in the wrong can stand up against a fellow that's in the right and keeps on a-comin'"

Capt. Bill McDonald, Texas Ranger