Who said gods are sexually active?

Dear Journal,

Recently I had a roommate, out of curiosity, ask me questions about being homosexual and mormon. Which, I'm always happy to discuss with people!

One of his questions was (paraphrased); "But what about after this life, when we are creating our own spirit children, two people of the same sex wouldn't be able to do that?"

I mean it's a good question. We know that after this life at some point, assuming we lived to meet the requirements and did all that was needed, we will become as god and start creating our own spirit children and what-nots. So how could a gay god or goddess couple create these spirits?

Well. My response to this is; Who said God is having sex and heavenly mother is popping out little ones left and right? Cause let's be honest, to create all of us that way, all due respect, heavenly father must be poppin the blue pill non-stop and heavenly mother constantly baking some buns in the oven.

Here in Moses 3:5, the lord tells us he created all things spiritually before they were physical.  The key word here is CREATE. As gods we CREATE spirit children. We do not birth spirit children. And that extends to things such as planets. I would hate to think Heavenly Mother had to push all these massive planets out....

Not to mention that Heavenly father didn't really CREATE us. We learn from D&C 93:29 and Abraham 3:22 that we existed as intelligences, even with God, that were "not created or made, neither indeed can be". But that God in fact organized us as intelligences. And it is the organizing that I can only assume is the creating part. 

My point is this: We do not know how God created us. We do not know how we will in turn create more children when we ourselves are gods. So to try and argue that homosexuality is not natural or ordained by God or that "things will be worked out the right way in heaven" by saying that a man and a man or a woman and a woman will not be able to CREATE spirit children is, simply and bluntly, idiotic of the individual. They are assuming that God has sex with his goddess and she births a child. And you know what they say about assuming (it makes you look like an ass).

So yes, I do believe and have full faith that if I marry another male, and if we live worthily of obtaining godhood, that me and my man will create worlds a plenty with beautiful spirit children running around with tails and/or playing with their soul animals. Cause in my worlds, everyone gets a tail and the Golden Compass is real.

Also, my god name will be Zoltron.


Ditto

Building Up

Dear Journal,

Q:Where do you see yourself at age 25?
A: Close to finishing my law degree at NYU Law, if I didn't finish early! And then working for a law firm in New York City!

Q: Married?
A: Of course! I want to get married when I'm about 22 or 23 to whoever the incredible girl is I have been dating for a year or two.

Q: Any kids?
A: Two! Probably not both kids by age 25, ha. But I want at least one by then. I want to have one of my own with my wife and then adopt a child. Some people have like 4 or more kids, but I can not imagine having more than two.

                                                          ~Interview with myself, freshmen year of high school 

Q: Where do you see yourself at age 25?
A: You mean next year...in 9 months? Eff, I don't know! In school, somewhere, hopefully.

Q: Married?
A: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Dude, I've never even had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I would love to find someone I fall greatly in love with and settle down. But it's not looking likely ANY time soon.

Q: Any kids?
A: ................like if I knocked some chick up this week, other wise it's not possible. But even then, it's a struggle to provide for myself, much less a little offspring running around.

                                                           ~Interview with myself, today

Needless to say, my life is nothing remotely close to what I envisioned it to be when I was young and naive. All those "Where do you see yourself" worksheets are crap. What's the quote? "Life is what happens to you when you are busy making plans"? Well, I made my plans and life reared it's bitter-sweet bitch face and here I am; feeling unaccomplished and unsure what to do at this point. I feel like I've come to a standstill and my legs are locked at the knees. I know what I want but I don't know how to get there.
I've tried several directions, none quite working out or even being counter-productive. I've dug a hole. Then I dug another hole thinking I'd use the dirt from that hole to climb out of this one, only to find the more I dig, the more dirt I need to get out. So a couple times I've dug sideways, not going down anymore, but no closer to getting out of the hole, just a different spot.
I continue to make plans but life keeps happening. It's not totally bad. I've learned much while in this hole or that hole and while digging them. I've gained experiences from this and that. And above all, I've learned a shit load about myself. A lot of which I now know needs to change or work on, but also some strengths.

But you know what? I'm down here in this hole. And I'm going to go all Minecraft on its ass. I don't yet have the tools I need to get back to the surface and I'm slightly lost down here, running low on torches. But it's below the surface that you find all the materials needed to build, not only more torches, but bigger and better things on the surface.
So, for the time being, I'll make my home here in this hole of mine. I'll go out and I'll find the materials I need and combine them with the ones I have already. With them, I'll build my home here in this hole. I'll fortify my hole and I'll expand my hole (Get your mind out of the gutter, ya nasty). I do not plan to live here long. Slowly, I will find the materials to build a staircase. And step by step I will make my way out of the hole I've called home. The building I do here will become the foundation for the home I build upon the surface. And that home will be grand. With all that I learn and collect while focusing on my current renovation, I will build a more stable and beautiful home.

I don't know what materials I will find along the way, some are much more rare than others, coming across them only by chance, and I don't know all the tools I may need.

But I figure I'll start with some goals and, as I learned on my mission, make smaller goals that lead to achieving the larger goal. I can't build the house without first collecting the wood and then fashioning the hammer. So my first goal is collecting the wood.

Here are a couple Im striving for:

Get back to school. Even if it's not BYU. I'm looking at UVU right now.

Actually thats my only goal right now.....

I've been thinking about joining the reserves, Air Force, as a way to help pay for it. That's the last resort though.

So with that, I'm off to start my building.

Ditto

"Gay is okay!" -God

Dear journal, 

For this entry I want to share the main reasons I feel I do not need to reconcile my homosexual self with my Mormon self, the reasons I do not believe homosexuality is wrong nor an abomination to God. But is in fact just fine and acceptable to our Heavenly Father. And don’t get me wrong, I love the church, I mean not to disprove the church or speak against it. I mean only to explain why I believe the (LDS) church will one day change it’s view and stance on homosexuality. 

I have three points: 1. God created me and only intends for me to achieve eternal salvation. 2. The “plugs” DO very well fit. 3. God gives us line upon line and precept upon precept. I’ll do my best to explain and be concise. My reasons and explanations come from more of a Later-day Saint understanding and doctrine, But I’m sure no matter who you are, you’ll be able to grasp my point. 

Reason #1

Moses 1:39- For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. We understand this to mean two things: 1. God wants us to have eternal life and salvation. 2. For God to continue to progress and obtain even higher glory himself, he must help us to do so as well. 

Lets look at number 1.  Heavenly Father WANTS us, every single one of his children to have salvation and return to live with him in the highest glory. He loves us and does nothing to hinder our progression, He does nothing to keep us from progressing to eternal life and again living in his very presence. The Lord created every one of us. He created every aspect of our very being. And thus he created me and all his LGBT children with homosexual “tendencies”. Heavenly Father creates perfection. He did not accidentally create me gay or forget to turn on my “I like girls” switch. No, he created me perfectly the way he intended, one of his male children who will one day love another perfectly created male child of his. And because he created me as such and wants nothing more than for me to be happy and obtain salvation and eternal life, how could he then tell me, “if you choose to love another man and “act on” the homosexual “tendencies” I have given you, you will not be able to obtain eternal life”. “I love you and want you to return to me but you don’t have that great of a shot since you’re a homosexual”. No, Heavenly Father would not do anything of the sort. He would not handicap my progression and chance at eternal life. Some people may say, “Yes, he gave you the temptation or burden of these “tendencies”, you did not choose them. However you do choose to “act” on them. And that is your trial in this life.” Or, “It’s just like when someone has alcoholic tendencies”. One, no one is born an alcoholic and two, ones personal happiness and fulfillment is not dependent on if they get a shot of vodka or not. The temptation to drink pales in comparison to “act” on homosexual tendencies. And to the first argument, Heavenly father does not give us temptations or burdens, he allows them to happen but he does not give them. However, by your statement, we both agree that Heavenly Father has created me with these “tendencies” and therefore can not be a temptation or burden. The God I love, know, and worship would in no way damn his own children before they even knew what their name was. It’s like God sending one of his children to earth knowing full well that the person is going to die by burning to death, this person will have no choice in how they die. Once this person gets to earth, God decrees that any person who burns to death, shall not receive eternal life or be able to return to live with him. This is not how the Lord works. 

Now looking at number 2. For the Lord to continue his own progression and obtain more glory still, we, his children, must obtain Eternal life and glory ourselves. By creating, say, 100 children, and needing all 100 of us to return, would he not be hindering his own progression by making 25 of us gay or lesbian and forbidding us from being able to return and live with him?

Reason #2 (This one is a little more mature): 

I read an article not to long ago (And I tried really hard to find it again so that I could link it) that surveyed men and women on sexual satisfaction. From the results, they found that some high percentage (It was in the 60-70’s) of women reached orgasm more often by being externally stimulated. Now, we all know that male organs do not stimulate externally. More than 50% of women reported this! 

Now look at the males physical make up. The anus contains more pleasure nerves than anywhere else on the body (Male and female). It’s true, look it up!  Meaning sexual satisfaction is certainly obtainable by stimulation. And not to mention that the prostate is found right there, which again, provides a great amount of ....satisfaction. 

So what exactly is my point? It’s this rather elementary. Heavenly Father, having created our bodies, putting every cell, bone, and even the nerves in very meticulous spots to work perfectly together and serve varying purposes, knew exactly what he was doing and made it possible for- no matter which gender you were with- everyone to be sexually satisfied and fulfilled. So it’s more unnatural the way we grow our food than to have sex with someone of the same gender. 

Here, someone might argue “well, what about the law of chastity?” To that I say this, a homosexual person is perfectly able to keep all the laws and commandments a heterosexual person can. The law of chastity simply is no sexual relations outside the bonds of legal marriage. And guess whats been happening! Gay couples are being able to marry, LEGALLY! Meaning, a homosexual couple if remaining chaste before marriage  and has sexual relations only with their spouse after, are perfectly within the bounds of that law. 

**Edit: Point three somehow was cut off. I'll have to make a future post going into how blacks and the priesthood is a precedent to LGBT's and the church.  Sorry. 

Ditto

My happy place

Dear Journal,

I had previously wrote about how I felt as if I had lost some of my friends. I've taken that down, I wrote that while not in a good mood or place.  The truth is that it's just a difficult situation.
I have some of the most amazing friends. I know everyone thinks that. But someone out there has to actually have the most amazing friends, and I'm confident that it's me.

My friends are my world. By friends I mean the ones that I love more than myself and would go up against the world for. I have always treasured my friendships and put them before myself. I would with out hesitation give up anything for them. If I had the worlds greatest opportunity and all I had to do was jump two times, but at the same time one of my friends were in great need, I would tell the opportunity to shove it and tend to my friend. The bond that exist between friends is the most beautiful thing I can imagine. My friends are my most cherished blessings from Heavenly Father. Friends are one's escape from the world. Friends make the world seem so much smaller and as if you have some value. I didn't have friends growing up. When I finally discovered life with some friends, I changed. I saw the world differently, I felt like a better happier person. To have someone that you have a bond with is like nothing else. When your world seems to be going wrong or life is giving you lemons, often times almost rotten one, it's friends that lend you the sugar and anything else you need to make lemonade.
Someone once asked me:
"Where is your happy place, Ditto?"
Everyone gave a place they like to go to back home or somewhere they once traveled.
"My happy place? In the middle of a burning building with no hope of escaping right next to my best friend. At work cleaning the toilets next to a friend. Eating fries at McDonalds because my friend hates Wendys. I'd say at my friends side is my happy place."
I can not begin to explain how deep my love for my friends runs. I know for a fact, I would gladly and readily give my own life for any one of my friends. I give of myself excessively to friends, whether that is reciprocated or not, it matters not.

But when that love and friendship is reciprocated, it is the most incredible euphoria life has. That validation of your friendship, that knowledge that your love and friendship is not over-looked or taken for granted makes life worth living more than anything I can think of.

I have the most amazing friends. Because they do love and care for me. They are there for me when I need them and always putting a smile on my face and stand waiting with sugar and juicer in hand.

To them, I say this: I love you. I love you above all else. And I'm not even exaggerating. Like I wish I could express just what you truly mean to me in my life. You keep me afloat and you fill my life with more meaning than anything ever will. I consider you a blessing from God, and one I do not take for granted and give thanks for in prayer. I will drop anything for you and I will give anything. I don't care if it's been twenty plus years we haven't talked or seen one another. I don't care the distance.  I will be on the next flight out. If you remember only one thing about me; remember this:

I love you. and it's unconditional. 

Sometimes I may seem distant or might even be upset with you. But my love for you will out rank any other thing. You could kill my dog and burn my house down. I may be extremely pissed at you. But I'll be right there helping you get the smell of smoke out of your clothes and making sure you didn't burn yourself.

You are my family.

Sean- You are my brother-from-another-mother for life.
Clayton- You're so good at strategy (and life) it pisses me off.
Mark W.- You're probably the only person I've ever meet that is chiller than myself.
Natasha- You are the kindest most loving person anyone will ever know.
Bridgitte- You so outgoing and a friend everyone you meet.
Daniel- You get me.
Matt- You're extremely thoughtful about life. I enjoy listening to you talk.
Bryan- You're like the perfectly well rounded guy ever and so welcoming.
Carson- You're considerate, understanding, and easy to open up to, knowing no judgement will come.
Meredith- You're super easy to chill with and I'm sure to have a good time with you no matter what.
Chris- Also easy to have a good time with and sure to put a smile on everyones face.
Natalie- You are generous and caring. Always ready to give of yourself.
Stewart- You always have concern for others.
Angie- You've helped more than I can say. You're always there for people and ready with advice.
Mark L.- You're probably one of my most favorite people I have met.
Jordan B.- You are so considerate of others and loving. I will never forget the time we went sledding and you walked me hand in hand across the icy edge of the pond.

Friendship is so important and needs to be nourished and valued above anything else.

Ditto

And this one is a sweet song from ADVENTURE TIME: You are my best friends in the world

Equality is well on it's way

Dear journal,

Today is a special day. The Supreme court began reviewing prop 8 and DOMA! If they get overturned,  the "same-sex"marriage debate will be over!

I woke up this morning and quickly turned on my computer to check in on the status of the rulings and all the stuff going on around it. While watching and seeing all the support on Facebook, twitter, and the speeches given in D.C., I started crying.  I was so happy and excited! I AM so happy and excited! Things are changing. The majority of the people are in favor of "same-sex" marriage. I could go off on all these thoughts and feeling about the topic. But for now, I am just so elated and beyond words excited.

I wore red today and my Facebook and the internet were blowing up red. Today in My EMT class several of the students asked me about my button, resembling this picture.

And it opened up a great discussion about the Supreme court cases and marriage equality. Which also lead to being gay and mormon. But it was an awesome discussion. The whole class was super cool and supportive. Haha, in fact, I think I may have become a little more popular with them all, haha. 

One day. I will marry a boy named Jake. And I will not have to worry about which state I live in. I will not need to worry about any legal issues should a death between us happen or any other legal crap. We will be able to live happily. As man and man.

This is a wonderful time.


Live updates

Ditto

Leaving on a jet plane

Dear journal,

I just want to go. I want to go somewhere new. Somewhere no one knows me and I know no one. A place to just leave things and people behind and start over. No past or history with anyone. No memories anywhere. It would be a chance to reinvent and re-distinguish myself. And everything so new. A place I can just disappear.

No one has preconceived notions of me. And I of no one else. I can truly become and be a new person, the person Ive wanted to be. No longer bound by the expectations those I know have developed and have for me.

To be able to leave thoughts and care of people behind, no longer burdened by the constant thoughts and memories of times changed or relationships lost. To be able to walk down the street and not have to think about that IHOP being your first date. Or that park was your first kiss. To be able to move on without the constant reminders of how good it was or the hopes and expectations you had. 

But most appealing; The opportunity to reinvent myself. I did it when I left Texas and came to Utah. It's about time to do it again. To re-distiguish myself. And not just with the people around me but with myself. A new place, a new Ditto.

I have the soul of a gypsy. All growing up we moved literaly every two-three years for one reason or another. From one home to another, one town to the next. I hated it. But its stuck with me. I can't stay in one place for to long. On my LDS mission, by the second or third month in one city, I was ready to move to the next. Here at BYU, I feel like I need to move to a new house and area of provo every semester. It just gets to a point when I have to leave to change my surroundings . And its not just applicable to my location. I cant stand work that never changes. Im going to need a career that changes from time to time. So no accounting for me ;)

I've been itching to go. To go somewhere new. The gypsy in me is yerning to move on. To find and experiance something new. 

The only thing that keeps me from just going is 1. My friends here. I love them and they mean the world to me. I would do anything for them, literally. And it would kill me to just up and leave them behind. Not to mention I'm a type of person that needs those close relationships, "crave them", my therapist says. And so the idea of losing that is one that scares me. 2. My mother would call the national guard to find me. 

I'm going to do it, journal. This Summer. I'm going to go. I'm going to start over somewhere new. I'm thinking Washington. But maybe New York, like I've always dreamed. Or San Francisco. I don't know! For how long? I don't know! You never know where you'll end up. I'm no where near where I thought I would be just one year ago, much less six months ago!  

"Like I need to go to Crossasia so bad."

Ditto

Chivalry isn't so outdated after all

Dear journal,

As far as family roles and dating goes, I've always considered myself a modern day guy. I don't feel like I have to be the one to ask a girl on a date based off the fact that I am a male. Or that it's my responsibility to pay for that date every time because, again, I have the outward facing genitals. And I've always pictured my wife (assuming I marry a woman ;)) having her own successful career.
I've always felt that opening doors and all that jazz was just kinda over the top and out-dated. I mean it's a nice gesture and what not. But yeah.

Until recently.

I was going on dates with this one guy, we'll call him ThisBoy. We were't anything serious and had been on maybe one date before. But this date, ThisBoy took me to *IHOPE for breakfast. While paying for the check, the waitress approached us and told us the cook (who had seated us) thought [ThisBoy] was cute and wanted to see if he could get his number. ThisBoy said no, he doesn't give his number out and sent the check with her. While sitting there I asked why didn't you give him your number? "because that was extremely rude of him and pisses me off that he would ask". At first I was a little taken back and thought ThisBoy was over reacting and being kinda harsh. But he continued; "It's obvious I'm on a date with you". I don't know where I was going with that, but it kinda made me feel really good about ThisBoy and respected. But I mention that because it was only the beginning.
Walking to the car, ThisBoy went to the passenger side-door.
I was like, is he wanting me to drive? He must need to grab something. Wha..what the... "what are you doing, ha?"
"I'm opening the door for you, duh"
"uh...okay, thanks."
Again I was taken back a little. And again, I felt the same feelings as moments before.
We spent some more time together that day and then he took me home.
"Here we are" were not his exact words.
"Thanks for the ride ho....where are you going?" I asked all confused like as he got out of the car.
"I'm walking you to the door"
............It's like 15 feet, "uh, okay".  And again, the same feelings.

Those feelings were feelings of being respected and excitement that he was so amazing. It made me feel like I was more than just another guy. Thinking back on the date and ThisBoy opening the car door for me and walking me to my door is my favorite memory of ThisBoy and our date. He made me feel good about myself and greatly impressed me with those two simple small acts. I never thought someone would do such a thing for me or like me enough to do it.  And of course it made me like him  40X more, haha. I was surprised not only that he did those things, but I was surprised by the way it made me feel. It was a completely new experience for me.

Thanks to ThisBoy, my perspective on the simple acts of opening a door for your date and walking them to the door are changed.


I've always said: 'The type of girl I marry will be the girl that asks me out". But now I can't wait to marry the person that opens the door for me and walks me to the door.

*Spell out 'IHOP' and say "ness";) Hahaha, I love it.

Ditto

I am Scott Zackery Ditto. Ditto to most.

Dear Journal,

This being my journal and writing about my life and thoughts and all that junk, there's something you'd need to know to better know me and understand me. Something that is a large part of my life and a big part of what makes me...me, And yet it's not. Its just another little insignificant part of me that makes me who I am.

I, Scott Zackery Ditto, am bisexual.

I sometimes just say gay, cause it's easier to explain and people can comprehend that better than the vague therm that is "bi". So what does that mean? It means I am sexually AND romantically attracted to male and female humans. I've concluded that I am 70-80% gay and 30-20% straight (depending on the day). Meaning, I am more attracted to males and a wider variety of males, than I am to females.

Now that you understand that, lets talk about it. Some of you may be surprised and some of you may not be so surprised, and then some of you already know. And I know that some of you may have questions or thoughts. I would love to answer them and discuss anything with you. Just ask.

The first question I usually get is: "But you're Mormon"

Yes, I am Mormon! And I know the current doctrine and the current position The LDS Church has on homosexuality. However. I also know that just because I am gay, does not mean the church is not true. I continue to have faith in my religion and will always continue to have that faith. Even if I were to be excommunicated one day, I would still attend church on Sundays and practice my LDS beliefs. How do I reconcile my faith and my sexual orientation? Simple. I do not believe there is anything to reconcile. I can not believe homosexuality is in any way hated by Heavenly Father. If it is, he is not the all loving and inclusive God I have come to know and love. I have three main reasons I believe this and have full faith in. But those are for a future entry. (Here is the future entry.)

Next comes: "If you're bi, why don't you just date/marry girls"
Who knows maybe I will. The way it is for me is I like and fall in love with who I like and fall in love with. If I happen to meet a fine young lady that I love and marry first, so be it! But if I meet a fine young gentleman that I love and marry first, all the same! Either way, I know I will be happy and fulfilled.

There are lots of questions and I have my answers, so if you have some, ask away. But I don't want this to be a super long entry ;)

Now that you know.....now what? What happens? What changes? How should you react, treat me, or think of me?

Nothing happens. Nothing changes. You react like you just found out I like the color green (which I do). You treat me as you always have. And you think kindly and loving of me. If anything, you think of me as brave and strong.
Why brave and strong? Because thats what it takes to be any kind of gay in this world. And even more of it to "come out" to people. I am 100% confident in my sexuality. I have no issues with being gay; socially, religiously, or personally. But to sit down, look your mother in the face after twenty three years of hearing that being gay is a sin and is disgusting from your family, your friends, leaders, role models, and preachers, is the most un-nerving, emotionally racking, and scariest thing someone will ever do. It takes courage to be gay in our world. To walk down the street holding hands with the person you love and hear someone on the other side of the street yell out at you "Fucking Fagots" and to still hold your head high. To listen to your best friends discuss how gross gay guys are and how they would beat them up if one ever hit on them. Or to go to church. To go to church, a place you seek for upliftment and guidance, and have to  listen to the preacher give a sermon on the great abomination that you are and that you are never going to go to heaven. No, you will go to hell and burn. Because God, the one being who you should be able to turn to for unconditional love hates you.
Yes. Think of me and every other homosexual person as brave and strong.

Why "Come out"?
I've never even thought about coming out until recently. I didn't feel it was something I needed to do or should have to do. The only time I brought it up or told anyone was if it was relevant to the conversation/situation or important for someone to know. I wasn't closeted but I wasn't "out" either.
I decided to "come out" for a few reasons. First. Because I can not stand to be just sit back anymore and watch/listen to the hate and stupidity of people towards homosexuals anymore.  I mean watch this video and tell me that is what God wants. Which is the bigger abomination to God: Me loving a man or people hating, condemning, and killing people in the name of God because they love the same sex? I "came out" because I want to be a voice for myself and fellow homo's. I want to help change the way people view homosexuals. And it has to start with myself. Second. I want to be open and honest with all the people I know and love. It's a part of who I am. To truly know me and love me, you must truly know me. Third, while I haven't treated it as a secret and am in no way ashamed of being bisexual, it is a big burden lifted to say it and for people to know.

I am the same person I have been. I am Scott Zackery Ditto. I am bisexual. I am a son, a brother, a friend. I am white. American. 5'11. I'm Mormon. A student at BYU. More a liberal than anything else. I love Chinese food. I get shy in large groups. I love people and give the benefit of the doubt to a fault. I cry when I see the dark side of people. I also cry watching Lilo and Sticth. I love dogs.

Ditto

John 13:34

Dear journal,

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I am and the things I stand for. Usually, I am super moderate on most things. I often see and understand things from both sides and accept that there is never just the one way and that both (or all 74) ways have their pros and cons. But there is one thing that stands out to me above all things when I think about what I stand for. I stand for love. Of course I think most people do. But it for me it is the thing I will fight for. I would protest for. I would dedicate my time and life to. Above all things I stand for love.

When I say love, I don't simply mean the common understanding of love which is something that two people share when they have a special connection or the bonds of family. The love I mean is acceptance. This love is tolerance. Respect. It's loving your fellow human the way Christ intended when he told us to love. Loving someone no matter race, sex, sexual orientation, religion or lack of, abortion beliefs, or political views, ethnicity, or citizenship. The love I stand for is all this and so much more.

Nothing bothers me more in this world than the evident lack of this love. When my grandfather calls a man from the middle east a "Sand nigger" with the tone of disdain. When a white man speaks of a mexican man or black man as if he is some how less of a human than he is. When the student behind me in class claims that if he ever found out his brother was a homosexual he would beat it out of him. While driving through the Chick-fil-a drive-tru my friends mother remarks how much of an idiot the lady is because she got the drink order wrong and probably is a high school drop out. Or on the much larger scales; of nations going to war because of race or religion, homosexuals being refused marriage rights, and the Ugandan government attempting to pass a law that allows for the legal killing of homosexuals. Anything, racist, sexist, or that does not show respect, tolerance, or acceptance of any other individual. It is one of the few things that angers me. That makes me feel disgust and disdain. It's something that I just will never be able to comprehend; how can anyone feel any of these things towards another person?
I'm not innocent of cracking mexican or black jokes. I've laughed at "your mammas so fat" statements. And I have an issue with cross-dressers and sex-changes. However, I don't genuinely believe or mean any of them. I believe finding the humor in the stereotypes. I mean, people didn't just pull the stereotypes out their butts, they come from a smidgin of truth. And I still have complete respect and tolerance for those who chose to have a sex change. But its when the line is crossed that it becomes that lack of love. When the jokes are no longer simply a joke.

My mother says when I was born I cried furiously and the nurse told her I was mad at the world. I'm not mad at it, I understand we are all human. I am just greatly disappointed in it.

 I stand for love and I will dedicate my life to encouraging it. I will forever fiercely fight hate.

Ditto

"A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." -Christ

The start of....something.

Dear Journal,

My problem with journal writing is 1. Keeping up with it, and 2. Knowing what to write. I mean, will my future readers care that I went to the gym today or that I fell down and embarrassed myself in front of a bunch of people?
If I were the future reader, I wouldn't care. No, when I read a journal, I'm looking for the real good stuff. I want to really get an insight into the person who decided to write it all down. If I'm taking the time to read about them then I want to really get to know them. The good, the bad, the ugly, the why, etc. What does this person think while they lie in bed at night staring into the dark? And then I want to learn form them. What can I take from their life, their beliefs, their understandings and use to improve my own? It's a chance to view the world from another perspective.
And so that's what I hope to do with this journal. I want to allow others an honest view into my life. My own good, bad, and ugly. I want to share my view on life and all that comes with it. Maybe after reading my entries you might see something in a different light, better understand the other side of an idea, or even think of something you never have before.

Keep in mind, this is my personal journal. In it I will leave my personal thoughts, problems, opinions, desires, and beliefs. I will be open, honest, and unbashful. You may not agree with or like them all; however, I would hope you wouldn't simply write anything off as wrong or ridiculous. No ones honest opinion or beliefs are wrong or ridiculous. And above all, I hope any and all judgments, if made, are set aside. I speak of my own accord and for no one else.

So here you have it. My unlocked journal for any and all to read. Perhaps you might even gain some insight into who I am and be able to take something from it to enrich your own life.

Ditto