Happy New Year!

Hello friends!  It's been eons (well, almost a full year) since I've posted here.  But as I'm processing 2024 and planning for 2025, this blog feels like a space to revisit.  I just meticulously copied over some questions from SHU's year-end post and decided most of those questions don't actually speak to me.  The categories were helpful, though.  So...what is new in my world?

Work

I'm in year 2 of an admin gig which is going moderately well.  I'm good at it, and I like most parts of it.  The parts I don't like I am getting better at outsourcing, minimizing, or coming up with better systems for.  Unlike my previous admin gig, I can detach emotionally from most of it.  I had a teaching release this past fall....and now gearing up for "spring" class, along with a new committee assignment, so teaching/service will take up a larger percentage of my available work time.  As is my way, I have three active book projects and one making the rounds in hopes of securing a publisher.  That's a weird hybrid genre book, but I really like it, and the last rejection hit pretty hard.  Need to regroup and resend.  Mostly at my age (52) and stage of career (tenured full professor) I am trying hard NOT to overwork.

Kids

Tiny Boy is 13, LG is almost 21 (WTF!).  They are both doing well in their own ways.  LG is thriving in nursing school (third year) and working two jobs as EMT.  TB is in 7th grade, interested in children's theater, soccer, and D&D.  But 13....so a lot of rage in my general direction and parenting solo is particularly hard in this respect.

Health

Well....late March I messed up my shoulder/arm pretty badly.  It looked like I was going to need surgery through July and then turned a corner.  Magical cortisone injection into the shoulder joint made it possible for me to make significant progress in physical therapy.  My range of motion is finally "within normal limits" in all directions, though still limited compared to my non-injured arm, and there are things I will never be able to do again.  Now I'm doing baby strength training, quite meticulously, given involvement in multiple tendons in the shoulder/arm.  The process has been emotionally and cognitively challenging in ways I never imagined. My physical therapist is an actual former Olympian, among her many other talents and credentials, and I am grateful beyond words for her care.  

Favorite Media

I rewatched a good chunk of The West Wing as a way to calm myself before the election.  Really liked The Diplomat.  I don't do many movies at all, but the kids and I saw Wicked on my birthday and quite enjoyed it (though it was definitely 30 minutes too long).  We also saw The Wizard of Oz in the actual theater, which was a treat.  (I guess there's a theme here!)

Other Miscellany

I have been taking dance classes again (ballet mostly), which has been challenging with the aforementioned arm injury, but really helpful in terms of getting out of my head.  Also experimenting with visual art (paper crafts, mostly, though recent turn toward wire work).  Given my actual job reading is just not relaxing in a way that using my hands / body / other senses can be.

Anyway....I hope you're all well.  Drop me a line in the comments if you actually read this :)

RBOC (Where Have I Been?!)

Well.... it's been a while.  I think this blog is likely coming to the end of its natural life, though I'd rather not do something as dramatic as announcing I'M DONE.  I think I did that once, and started a blog under my actual name, and that didn't go anywhere.  Some of the goings on:

• This week has been unusually expansive in terms of evening hours.  Tiny Boy is involved in children's theater, and there's a show this week, which means TB is at the community center basically from 530-930ish every night (tonight start time is 5:00!)  The downsides: lost routines and sleep and not really engaging with each other in a meaningful way.  The upside: I have been taking advantage of evening hours to go to the gym, see friends, and putter around.  I continue to think about how to enjoy such hours, as they happen more frequently, and I don't want to fill them with work.  (Although I did a frantic email session for one of those hours Tuesday night, with French fries.)
• This sort of makes up for the fact that for the bulk of January Tiny Boy couldn't manage to get to school on time, and I was calling it a win if they got to school before 10 am.  UGH.
• I am teaching our senior capstone class for the second time and loving it.  Yesterday I did "speed dating" writing workshops; we did 5 rounds in 75 minutes.  (I'd planned to do 6, but my class has a way of talking and talking and derailing my plans, which is not a bad thing.)
• What else?  My extracurricular reading right now is clustered around self-helpy material on rest and poetry and nonfiction related to Jewish history and Israel.  Not so interested in novels, though Dara Horn's Eternal Life, which was a winter break read, was awesome.
• I don't know if there are any writer types here who are going to Kansas City next week, but if you are, drop me a line in my email or the comments.  My real alter ego is doing a panel and a couple book signings.

I hope you're all doing well!

Update, Because Apparently I Haven't Posted Since July?!

Hello!  So much as happened since July I can't even adequately account for it.  I didn't deliberately NOT POST.  Just living life off the screen.  Some goings on since July:

1. I took care of LG after a major surgery.  (LG is fine and currently living their best life.)
2. Tiny Boy and I took a vacation without LG who didn't want to join us but preferred an apartment with two roommates and two cats (I really don't know why.  Haha).
3. Tiny Boy started middle school.
4. I started a new admin gig, which is going pretty well.  It's what I like about admin, mostly minus the stuff I don't like about admin.
5. I had a book come out, which has been taking up a lot of time and headspace to support.  
6. I've traveled a lot, because of the above.
7. My actual BFF, who is another single mother, had unexpected surgery, which involved some unexpected care work.  It was cool, actually, seeing the way her "village" came together to get things done in a crisis.
8. We had a major bathroom remodel, finally, which took TWO MONTHS.  And given that was our only full bathroom, 5 weeks of that time involved showering at the gym or friend's houses.  The upshot is that it's November and I have nothing resembling a routine.
9. I went to the gym a lot.  (See above)
10. I started taking dance classes again (ballet at the community center and Nia at the gym).  
11. Tiny Boy turned 12 last week.  (WTF?  What is time anymore?)
12. LG got a new job in the actual town where they live and go to school, which means less LG at home, but I'm hoping that also means when LG comes home they will actually be home and not just using their bedroom to crash before night shifts.
13. I bought Tiny Boy a Gizmo watch for the birthday, which has shut down the calls for a smart phone which was never going to happen until 13+ (they can't have phones at school anyway).

I'm sure there was a lot more.  But these are some significant highlights.  Hope you are doing well.  Now I'm getting back to admin work.

The Hours Between 3 and 9

I have had a taste of kid-free (post-kid?) life this past month.  First, I was out of town for 5+ days for a professional conference / workshop, which was DIVINE.  But also not in any way indicative of normal life, as I was in another city doing highly structured activities from 9 am to 9 pm essentially.  Then I left Tiny Boy with my mother for what amounted to 72 hours, which is both no time at all and also....enough of a taste of what life could possibly be like post-kid as  LG was either at work or at their apartment in College Town for the bulk of these hours.

I managed to fill those hours in productive and enjoyable ways, including some intensive work on my current writing project, long walks, dinners with two friends (a third was planned but got rained out and rescheduled), a whole movie per night (I'm slowly working my way through Kathryn Hahn's oeuvre), "hobby time" (weaving), a tai chi class, and more.  It was expansive and lovely.

Now certainly it matters that it is SUMMER and I am not on campus (I'm only on contract--and paid--for the academic year, not the calendar year).  But still, the experience made me realize there are many hours in my evenings that I can sort of reroute now that Tiny Boy is 11.  I haven't fully figured this out yet.  But it's certainly reasonable for me to take a walk with a friend while Tiny Boy is in front of the TV (which is what he likes to do after camp), or take a class at the gym while Tiny Boy plays basketball, or use Tiny Boy's own scheduled outings for my own grown up plans.  To be sure, we spend PLENTY of time together watching movies, playing games, and on various projects around the house.  Part of the difficulty is it's not always clear to me on a given night if Tiny Boy wants to do his own thing or not, which makes it somewhat difficult to schedule (right now, we are home together as LG has the car; I am typing this and Tiny Boy is playing with Lincoln Logs and monologuing the entire experience.  Haha)  Anyway.....I am still sorting this out.  It's very easy for me to schedule time with friends; it's harder to remember I can pick up my weaving while there is nothing else going on.

Observations and ideas welcome as always!!

An Adventure and an Update

As I write I am on a shuttle bus to the airport, the beginning of a six day trip, which is the longest I have been away from Tiny Boy ever, and the longest professional trip I've taken, also, since maybe LG was three.  (LG is 19; Tiny Boy is 11.5)

I am looking forward to so many things, both personally and professionally, but mostly the reprieve from domesticity and motherwork.  I am so grateful to my local friends for happily taking Tiny Boy for a few days, and LG (though more begrudgingly).  There's a part of me that wishes I had the kind of mother who would say "sure I can come stay for the week"....but right now I don't.  So I made a spreadsheet and a multi-page instructional guide and I'm off.   I'm trying to tell the micromanaging part of myself that everything will be FINE and let go....but so far no luck.  Hopefully once I'm immersed in a new space doing meaningful work, I'll sink into it.

**

And an update on the untethered unproductive situation involving too many interruptions to count:  I gave in.  I decided to flip my schedule to work when Tiny Boy was at camp in the afternoon and use the morning to take him to play tennis and run errands, which worked moderately well.  Lesson learned.  (Perhaps this was obvious but it also goes against my natural energy and best work time.)

More soon!

Untethered

Well.  The part of the year I have come to love the most is the blip of approximately the first two weeks in May when the semester has ended but kids aren't yet out of school.  Of course, this year LG, as college freshman, was off for the summer before me.  And May seemed to be more full of obligations than usual.  But I did things.  Work things. Domestic things. Fun things.

Tiny Boy is now off for the summer, which will mostly consist of camps 9-3 pm, with a few half day options (as basketball, this week) and a couple weeks completely off for travel and such.  Yesterday around 4:30, after Tiny Boy had been picked up, I found myself wandering around the house uncertain about what I should do.  I've been experiencing some version of this untethered unfocused feeling for a while, and it's certainly connected to both the breakdown of work/life boundaries since COVID and also Tiny Boy getting older, just old enough to be mostly left alone but also still young enough that he has a million and one demands and the ADHD tendency to interrupt every three minutes.

All this is to say I don't really have a routine, and when I don't have a routine I flounder and don't do much and feel both overwhelmed by the undone and also aimless and bored because I'm not doing anything.  And because this week is somewhat of an anomaly (the half day camp) it also doesn't make a lot of sense to explore some kind of major new routine because it won't be long lasting.  But also....the hours between kid pick up and bedtime always exist, and me working while Tiny Boy is home is also a thing that happens relatively frequently.  So I should make a less-than-optimum-but-doable plan.  (Yes, this is me mostly thinking on the electronic page, but observations are welcome!)

Another Update in the Shape of a Reading List

It is SUMMER, at least in terms of work, if not the actual season or weather.  That means I'm reading a lot mostly by choice.  Sort of a mismash of things that are work related and things that are personally interesting or relevant.

• Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection.  I've listened to Brown on audio before but hadn't ever sat down with the book.  I've been trying to read more strategically in self-help/ psychology, and this was a quick and useful read.
• Lots of things on ADHD kids and dysregulation, including Russell Barkley's 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD (I think that's the title) and Getting Ahead of ADHD.
• Julia Kolchinsky Dasbach's poetry (all three collections).  Her work engages her family's immigration story (Jewish refugee from Ukraine in the 90s) as well as motherhood more broadly.  Love her work.
• Jean Hanff Korelitz, The Plot.  This was a re-read for me, but I'm having trouble caring about fiction right now so starting with a known quantity felt good.  Because I knew the major plot turns (ahem!) I was able to see how they were set up.  Highly recommend this one!

Feel free to let me know what you're reading in the comments!