In York Maine Today: No on One!

My friend, and fellow board member of Mass Equality, Pete and I hit the road this morning to knock on doors. Specifically, we were in Kittery. The campaign was set up at the York Harbor Inn, and set up with incredible efficiency.

We signed in, were processed, and sent out with marching orders in less than fifteen minutes. Yes, this even included a brief training on how to approach folks.

The sun was out, the air crisp- it doesn't get any better than this for a voting day. We parked and set off in opposite directions. Most people were not home, but those who were were adamantly for No one One. It felt great. One elderly woman said to me, Betta believe I'm votin' no... Making my husband, too.

I think that's what has struck me the most about this campaign, here, in Maine. When I was in California for Prop 8, I didn't see any older, or elderly people. I have, over and over again here. Life long Mainers, who have an opinion and a strong one. Who are at the campaign headquarters, or driving around knocking on doors today, making calls, organizing food, coffee... it's stunning to see.

And they say that's the generation that needs to die off to get marriage equality. I say, come to Maine before you wish that.

So far? I have a very good feeling. The campaign is organized, stocked with volunteers, and running smoothly. It's a perfect day to vote.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness- For All

Wake up America! A huge battle for rights is about to be voted on in Maine. This will effect everyone from sea to shining sea.

Just like in California in 2008, rights that have already been granted will be voted on. Everyone was shocked when California lost marriage equality- do you know that the same thing could happen in Maine on November 3rd?

Are you ready to do something about it?

The level of outrage across the country was small solace to the thousands of California residents that had their marriage rights, and in some cases their actual marriage, taken away from them. Maine already has a law on the books that allows same sex couples to marry- and religious groups who do not agree, the right not to perform those ceremonies.

It's fair. It's about the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Church and state are separate, as is dictated by our constitution.

I'm married. I'm a lesbian. I have three children. I pay taxes, coach my son's soccer team, go to the grocery store and generally live a pretty quiet life. And I'm really sick of having to say that. My kids all went to public elementary schools in Massachusetts and never once were taught about gay marriage or ANY marriage in school.

Ever.

It is exhausting to have to deal with some religious group's determination to have their beliefs be the guideline for law. I don't care what they believe, I simply want them to leave me alone. I want the right to leave my wife my property, the right to visit her in the hospital, the right to have our children's parents legally recognized.

I'm not going to their church. Why do they want to shove their values down my throat? And why one church and not another? We look at Middle Eastern countries run by Islamic law and think, bad bad bad. But it's okay for the Catholic church to decide what is ok and not ok to have as a law?

Did I mention that no church would be forced to perform these ceremonies? As if I'd want one who thinks I'm going to hell to recognize my lifetime commitment to my wife. Have an ounce of common sense, please.

Are you all listening? Are you all aware that this is a state vote with national ramifications? Because I know the other side is pouring in money from all over the country to try and take rights away.

Take rights away. My rights. I'm not taking away their rights. I have no interest. I believe in free speech and the separation of church and state. Raise your kids to think God hates fags. I'm going to raise mine to believe you have the right to free speech.

I love Maine. I believe in the people of Maine. But the hateful lies being sent out by the folks who would strip away rights have been packaged in tidy little ads that do not require any truth. Save the little, doe-eyed girl from evil homosexuals. Such bullshit.

We are families. We will continue to have children, be active in government, work at jobs, pay our taxes. We'll be in the grocery store telling our kids no to the sugar-filled cereal just like everyone else. We will go to church- the ones that welcome us- and watch football on Sunday afternoons.

Unless they want to take away those rights, too.

And ask yourself, what's next? What right will they deem unacceptable in their view for LGBT people to have- already we cannot serve in the military openly, we cannot marry, we can be fired from jobs, denied housing. Maybe they'll take away our right to vote.

Wake up, America. The world changes, and women are no longer property, African-Americans no longer slaves, and the goal of equality isn't about taking things away. It's about the constitution recognizing everyone.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

For all.

Do something about it. Don't wait until it's too late.

Telling the Stories

I took my dog for a walk today. It's been a long week and I wanted some fresh air, some quiet time.

There were packs of suburban moms. They seem to run in packs out there.

I usually go out later in the day but today I was there by 8:30am. I don't think I'll do that again. Wave after wave of moms in their jogging suits, some with coffee in hand, walking their pure bred dogs.

I felt out of place. Me, in my jeans and John Deere hat, with my mutt.

Pure bred mutt. All mutt.

It's not new, mind you. I always feel out of place in packs of suburban moms. At the elementary school, I have been around long enough to meet most of the parents and I have a comfort level there.

Today, though, I was trudging along thinking about teasing, taunting and bullying. What I could do to make a difference. How do I keep talking to my kids about it without them feeling like I'm obsessed.

I am obsessed.

I realize, after a conversation last night, that my kids face not only teasing about themselves, but about having a mom that "looks like a dad." Why, they are asked, does your mom look like a man?

Hey, Jake, your dad is here.

It happens a lot. I don't tend to notice it much anymore because I always get called sir.

Do any of these moms, briskly walking by, have to deal with this?

All kids get teased at some point. There is no question about that. Why does it feel like it has escalated? Is it that cell phones and facebook pages are now being used to taunt? Is it that they are inundated with media images that promote comparison and competition?

How can we make it better?

What happened to a country proud of it's individualism? Or is that just one more lie perpetrated by the media.

I turned up a hill to a more remote part of the woods. As always in my life, the woods bring me a sense of calm. Safety.

Sirdeaner Walker is going to speak tomorrow at Springfield College, at the breaking of silence there. I am in awe of this woman's strength and in the quiet, I knew the answer.

We have to keep telling the stories. Over and over again. That's all I know how to do, and I realize that is the most powerful thing to do.

Why?

This is not an easy day.

Going to this funeral, and I realize I was a suicidal 11-year-old. The pain was too much, most of the time.

Zachary, my middle son, my 11-year-old, wanted to go. He said he thought he should be there.

Why?

I don't know. I just should.

After a day of thinking about it, he decided not to go. I'm glad. I think it's too much for him to hold. He holds so much.

I told him he could write a note to the mother. He agreed.

This story never hit the major news wires- why? Is it too gay? He didn't identify as gay. He was just a kid.

Why? Why doesn't anyone care? Why is there not outrage in every state, in every home?

Why didn't the school take this more seriously? Why did the mother's calls go unanswered? Why was it allowed to go on so long that an electrical cord wrapped around his neck was the only answer to the constant taunts?

This is going to be very hard today. Partly because it touches a part of me filled with pain.

And partly because it makes me angry.

Why?

11 Year Old Kills Himself After Gay Taunts Left Unaddressed

An eleven-year-old boy hung himself in Springfield, MA yesterday. He had been repeatedly taunted as "gay" even though he did not identify as such. His mother went to the school over and over again, trying to get something done.

Nothing happened.

So for all those right wing nuts who insist we are teaching all sorts of positive gay messages in our school, fuck you. You caused this kids death. You and your bullshit rhetoric.

I wish we were teaching more positive images of LGBT people because then "faggot" and "queer" wouldn't hurt so much. I wish that boy had an advocate in the school who listened to his mother. Who did something.

I'm angry. How can this happen today? Why did that mother have to lose her son? Why was that boy not taken care of by the school officials?

It reminds me of when my son Zachary wanted to do the day of silence in his class. He wanted me to go in and explain. I was told no, it's too scary to talk about Lawrence King. It's too... much. A permission slip would have to go out to the parents. We can't talk that way without permission.

Which of course meant it was sexual in nature, even though it was not. This crime is not gay only. This crime- and it was a crime the way the issue was handled- was about bullying. Teasing. Mean, hateful words.

I'm beyond angry. This is something that could have been prevented. I have an eleven year old son. He wanted to recognize the day of silence. He understood how words can hurt.

He's not gay.

And when we all wonder if marriage equality is the end all and be all of the movement? Think again. In the first state in the nation to accept equal marriage rights, kids are still taunted. Humiliated.

"Two of the top three reasons students said their peers were most often bullied at school were actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender expression, according to From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, a 2005 report by GLSEN and Harris Interactive. The top reason was physical appearance."

Carl would have turned 12 on April 17th, the national day of silence in schools. The irony turns in my gut. I must do more. How can I as an advocate, as an activist look his mother in the eye and say I'm sorry? We're trying to push for welcoming, safe schools but haven't made it there yet?

We still need permission slips to talk about how it's not okay to call someone a dyke. lezzy. How the words cut like knives, and the targets aren't just LGBT kids, but all kids.

An eleven-year-old boy is dead today because no one in the school did a thing to help him. They should be ashamed- and they should go to jail for it.

And on Monday, I am going to the funeral. I will promise the mother that until the day I die, I am going to fight for comprehensive anti-bullying policies in schools. Because I'm a lesbian, because I've been on the other side of the taunts but mostly because I am a mother.

We must end the violence.

"GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, recommends four approaches that schools can begin implementing now to address anti-LGBT bullying and harassment.

# Adopt a comprehensive anti-bullying policy that enumerates categories such as race, gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation and gender expression/identity. Enumeration is crucial to ensure that anti-bullying policies are effective for LGBT students. Policies without enumeration are no more effective than having no policy at all when it comes to anti-LGBT bullying and harassment, according to GLSEN’s 2005 National School Climate Survey.

# Require staff trainings to enable school staff to identify and address anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment effectively and in a timely manner.

# Support student efforts to address anti-LGBT bullying and harassment on campus, such as the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliance or participation in the National Day of Silence on April 25.

# Institute age-appropriate, inclusive curricula to help students understand and respect difference within the school community and society as a whole."

It's not that hard. It's not about sex. It's about dignity. And clearly, about saving kids lives.

Streamers, Votes and a Great Wife

I have the best wife in the whole wide world.

At least today she is.

Without my request, without my begging, she took today off. We have two teacher parent conferences, plus it's Jake's birthday. Oh, and it's Tuesday, my most dreaded day of the week.

On Tuesdays, Zachary and Jake get out of school at 12:30pm. Don't ask me why, it's just the way it is. It tends to be a day of playdates, running around, friends, lunches, and often appointments. Ben and Zachary always have their music lessons on Tuesdays. One of my friends said she can tell it's music lesson time because I start sending endless emails via my iPhone.

It is always the longest day of the week for me.

People often think with four parents, it must be easier. It's not. It can be a scheduling nightmare. No one is ever happy. Always something forgotten, always another thing to plan. As the stay at home parent, I am usually the one left with the running around and the object of ire when things don't work out.

Not today. My wonderful wife is helping and I didn't even have to ask.

I've been doing this "job" (I use quotes because god knows I don't get paid for it) for 14 years. Like any job, it has it's ups and downs. There are things I love doing and things I don't. I am on call 24//7.

A friend wrote to me yesterday and said even something as simple as wanting to go to a lecture at night, or a movie, or anything, results in a major effort. And if someone is sick? Or it's raining so practice is canceled, forget it. You're on.

Whatever you've had planned, it's thrown out the window.

When the kids were little, it was easier. Okay, it wasn't easier it was different. I had more control over what was going on, when it went on, and could plan the week without a huge amount of effort. Not anymore. They have their own ideas about what they are going to do- and I believe that is how it should be.

As I write this, a historic debate is happening in Vermont. Ninety nine votes are needed in the House to override the veto- the Senate is all set. Me? I have to go decorate the house with streamers and balloons, wrap presents and go buy the ingredients for a much loved, birthday boy requested taco dinner. Jeanine is at the dentist with Ben, and I'll be able to make a conference call today that is very important.

I think she knew I was running thin. She's a good woman and I know this was a treat.

I love being the mom of three boys. No question. Lately, though, the lack of flexibility in my own life has left me on empty. No time to write, to really sit down and write, no time to have a thought that is not interrupted. My office is a mess of urgent things to do, like those pesky bills to pay, taxes, forms to fill out. Not to mention the laundry, the every day picking up of the house, kitty litter to be changed.

I hope we get the votes in Vermont. I hope they realize this is not the changing of the world, but the acceptance of the change that has already happened. If I'm a threat to society as we know it, it's only because I haven't done my boys laundry in the last few days.

Let me tell you, that smell is enough to kill anyone.

Now, onto the streamers....

Call Out Blue Cross Blue Shield's Ridiculous Policy Change

Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan recently removed the coverage of gender reassignment surgery from their "covered" list. "Michigan Messenger reported Tuesday that BCBS of Michigan had received permission from state regulators to change insurance coverage offerings, and elimination of gender reassignment surgery was one of those approved changes."

The reason? It was "simply a matter of aligning their product with what is currently offered in the market." After the company posted a 133 million dollar loss, they needed to make changes.

Um... call me crazy, but I can't imagine there was a line out the door at hospitals with people looking to have the surgery. When asked, by Todd Heywood, Helen Stojic, spokesperson for Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, said she could not provide how much of the loss was due to gender reassignment surgery.

Then how do they know it's a good business decision? Since health care is no longer about health, at least be a good business person. Why not address the number of unnecessary Cesarean sections performed? Or use of emergency rooms for minor patient care?

Nope. Gender reassignment makes the best fiscal sense. Even though they have no idea how much it has cost the company.

It is bad enough that our health care system is now based on a for profit business model. But when they blow it on a common sense level, it's hard to not see it for what it is- discrimination.

I suggest it might be time for Ms. Stojic to hear from the community. Please feel free to contact her at 313 549 9884. The more the merrier. Because the reality of this decision and their "reasoning" is total bullshit.

You can quote me on that.

A Bright, Shining Light

Today, the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD) filed a suit in federal court in Boston, MA to challenge the denial of critical federal benefits to same-sex couples.

Yes. It's time for the Supreme Court.

Years ago, when GLAD was pulling together a group of plaintiffs to challenge the marriage laws in Massachusetts, many said it was not time. Many said, we are still lacking in basic rights- how can we go for marriage? It'll put us behind by decades.

Today, we are approaching the fifth anniversary of marriage equality in our state. We have recently had an unprecedented majority of House and Senate co-signers for a Transgender equality bill and look to celebrate it's passage later this year. We have secured dollars in a difficult state budget for LGBT youth, AIDS funding, and money to address issues facing LGBT seniors.

We have pushed the envelope, no question. And we will continue to.

The lawsuit addresses Section 3 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act- and only section three. It targets the rights and protections denied in Social Security, federal income tax, federal employees' and retirees' benefits, and in the issuance of passports.

Only in MA and CT, where marriage is recognized by the state. For over 200 years, the federal government has not interfered with state's rights around marriage- until DOMA.

I find in my travels, that people assume that being married in MA means married on a federal level. It does not.

This action does not effect any other state. It will not repeal DOMA or every state's right to have some ridiculous anti-equality law on their books, as many do. It does, however, put a bright, shining light on the inequalities our families face even in the state where we have so much.

Shining that light, as Mary Bonauto said, should generate support in all the states. When the country gets to know the plaintiff couples, when they meet the State Trooper, Mary Ritchie who puts her life on the line every day for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Her wife is not eligible for the full line-of-duty benefits for surviving spouses should she die in the line of duty. Or Herbert Burtis, 78 years old who lost his partner of 60 years last fall. He is denied the additional money his husband's social security would pay him if he was a recognized spouse.

After 60 years together, sharing lives, income, a home... nothing. But the married heterosexual couple in MA or CT- no questions asked.

These stories, this case, is about that bright, shining light. It is about understanding why we fight for equality every day. It's about why we need to continue the fight on all levels, in every state.

Years ago, people thought the marriage fight was wrong. Today, we have two states with marriage equality, and are fast approaching many more to have the same decency and fairness for all their citizen. Some states are still fighting to have civil rights bills.

The movement forward is never easy. As we enjoy these debates in this country, people are hung in others for the suspicion of being homosexual. Should we stop our rights to further theirs first?

Or do we all keep moving, the best we can, with the resources we have, to tell the stories that will ultimately make the difference for all.

I say, move forward.

And with Mary Bonauto in charge? We're not going to lose.

No one will lose.

Moving Forward

Denver... you have to love a city where they don't run you down when you're in the crosswalk. And everyone is actually in the crosswalk.

Strange for a Bostonian to see.

The community continues to digest the Prop 8 loss. Sure, people are talking about AZ and FL but the focus is on California. What went wrong? How could we have lost? Will we ever win a ballot question or are we destined to lose them forever?

The most productive statement came from Nadine Smith, of Equality Florida. We must, she said, be out on every form, every moment, of every waking day. If we travel, we fill out forms as married people. If we file taxes? We file as married people. When ever, where ever we can, we must identify ourselves.

It's Harvey Milk's message. It continues to be relevant.

It is an act of non-violent civil disobedience. We must refuse to be considered single when we are families.

There is still a level of finger pointing going on that makes me very uncomfortable. I don't see the point. Positive messages, like Ms. Smith's, is where we need to focus our energy.

Let's move forward, folks.

Perfect Parents

I'm at the Creating Change conference in Denver. A massive gathering of LGBT folks put on by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, it is something to behold. An entire hotel filled with every beautiful aspect of our community.

I've never been to one before and I must say, I'm a little overwhelmed.

I went to a session today on "Invisible Families," which talked about LGBT parenting and how we are identified in the community- or not. It was a six hour session and I'll be honest- I didn't stay for it all. But in one small group session, we talked about the changing nature of how we are seen in the community today.

One woman talked about her fears as a soon to be mom. The challenges that face her, her partner and their baby to be felt incredibly scary to her.

It is, I thought, but I didn't want to freak her out.

The irony is, most of what she needs to be afraid of isn't about being a lesbian and being a parent. No question there are hurdles and discrimination but when that sweet baby comes into the world, the obsession about when the last diaper was changed, how often they are nursing and please god, will there ever be sleep again takes over the angst about being different.

Until they are school age- then it comes back and rightfully so.

One point made, that hit home for me, was the concern that we are so afraid of being judged harshly simply because of who we are, we try to be perfect.

And there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

The pressure, though, is there. Some of it is self imposed but some of it comes from the community at large asking questions- do you have appropriate role models for your child? If you are two women, you must have a man in your life to help teach children manly things. If you are two men, well, how can any child possibly live without a mother?

Questions not often asked of heterosexual couples. Or single heterosexual parents, although I do think single dads deal with similar issues. I wonder if people who ask "do you know the father?" realize how incredibly insulting that is. Do they? Are they sure?

There is also an overriding fear of being too sexual. One woman quoted a couple in Canada who had a newborn, who swore they were in bed by 10:15pm every night and went straight to sleep.

As if that makes them OK to parent? I say get them a babysitter and remind them that without a healthy sex life, chances are they won't make it through the next 18 years.

And yet a Florida pastor urged his heterosexual congregation to have sex every day for a month. He believed sex was important to relationships. And that while "Jesus disapproved of pre-marital sex and promoted sex in marriage."

But since we're seen through the lens of sexuality, we have to go overboard to prove we are sexless. Only there to parent, nothing else. Because... well, I'm not really sure why.

Except that we all feel the pressure to fit in, to be okay in the communities eyes, and our community, when we become parents, changes drastically. We are thrust into school situations where we are the only ones. We want our kids to be accepted.

We want to be accepted. It's human nature.

So we tuck away parts of ourselves, and our struggles to look the right way.

I wanted to tell that young woman it would all work out. Get a strong group of other gay parents to have time with- some of it is for the kids but mostly? For you. So you have a place to say, I'm struggling. I'm scared. Where you don't have to be the role model for every gay person who ever had a child.

For goodness sakes, don't ever stop having sex. We didn't go through all this bullshit, discrimination and angst to give up an essential part of being human.

There are no perfect parents. Parents are, as a whole, are messy, make mistakes, wish back things we've done. It's the most terrifying and exhilarating experience you will ever have. You will feel joy and love in a way you never knew imaginable- unconditional and on a cellular level.

Try, please try, to let the world's judgment stop at your doorstep.

There are no perfect parents.

Ding Dong, Bush is REALLY Gone!

Forget about Rick Warren. Forget about Gene Robinson's late addition and subtraction from Sunday's event. Forget about the lack of LGBT appointments to the cabinet. Let it go.

Just for today.

Today is a day of pure celebration. Unlike election day, when we got a kick in the stomach with Prop. 8, AZ, FL and AK, all horrific setbacks for the LGBT community, today is a day to celebrate.

We have a new President. He is taking office today.

LGBT issues have been mishandled, fucked up and poorly advised. No question.

But Bush is gone, people. Pinch yourself, it's not a dream. It's a reality. Whether or not you believe Obama is just a big screen for projection, or the next messiah, or something very human in between, he is NOT Bush.

We have a President who is going to bring troops home from Iraq. Now. A President who is ready to address Gaza, now, the economy, now. We have a majority of Democrats in the legislature.

I personally can't stop smiling.

I told my kids this morning that today was a day that the first African-American man would be sworn in as President of this country. A country that in it's very recent past turned hoses and dogs on people because of their color. A country that legally recognized slavery.

Remember, I said, where you were. People will ask you in 10 years, 20, 30... where were you that day?

Tomorrow? We go right back to holding the administrations feet to the fire. We do not wait 10 hours, 10 days or 10 months. It is a mistake we've made in the past- one not to be repeated.

But today is a day to celebrate.

Ding dong, Bush is really really gone.

Clean up time already?

It's very quiet today. Ben is home sick, lying like the dead on the couch with a high fever. Yesterday it was Zachary.

Jake asked me this morning if he was next.

I said WASH YOUR HANDS.

I must admit, I'm a tad obsessive about washing my hands in the winter. I spent two years sick as a dog when Ben first hit daycare and I learned my lesson. Of course, when they are little, it's hard to keep them from poking you in the face with their germ filled fingers.

Now, I'm just cleaning up buckets of... um... well, you know. I don't think Ben is ever going to learn to hit the bathroom until he has to clean it up himself.

I wonder if the Obama administration is going to go through the same growing pains. It seems to be the case so far. Some good choices like Clinton, some bad choices like Richardson and some weird choices like Gupta.

Some infuriating choices like Rick Warren.

The press has been pretty eager, along with many political groups, to make nice about the direction the president to be is taking.

How long will they be cleaning up, though? When will the tough questions be asked? I can promise you that as a member of the LGBT community, I'm not jumping up and down about John Berry, an openly gay man, being nominated to be the director of Office Personnel management.

It's the highest appointment ever for a gay person. Kinda sad, huh? I mean, can you name the last one? or the one before that?

Honestly, I didn't even know there was such an office.

Obama is also asking Bush to get the rest of the bailout money. That makes me very nervous. It reeks of passing the buck, not of expediency. Is he already covering his tracks?

The cleaning up of messes will only last so long. The good will of the LGBT community was severely strained with Rick Warren's invitation. While some still are clamoring to be supportive, any are not. Personally, I'm not buying John Berry as a valid token of affection.

All eyes are on this administration, waiting for great things.

I keep thinking, that like my son Ben, he's not going to figure it out until he has to clean it up himself.

Here Comes the Sun...

The sun is in the perfect spot on the horizon and the light is pouring into my office. Sure beats a SAD light box, not quite as good as Hawaii. It almost seems to radiate enough heat to go sit outside in but I know better.

Our president-elect has been making the rounds in the last couple weeks. Most recently, splashing the airways with his Surgeon General nominee. While the media seems thrilled with opining over the choice, I can help but wonder about the real tasks of the administration ahead.

We love a sunny outlook in this country. Perhaps because we were weaned on Bambi losing mom, but when anyone even begins to tell a happy tale, we are quick to believe.

I love the sun. I don’t particularly like reading about the bombing in Gaza, children found huddled with their dead mothers. Or the reality that one out of every seven homeowners will be foreclosed on this coming year. Or how billions upon billions of dollars are needed to move our public school systems forward in order to remain competitive with the rest of the world.

I know I have to. I am in the sun. So many are not.

I hope Obama stays clear of the media drama. That he stay focused on the war, the economy and education and not the pictures of his “abs” from the beach or his choice of an appointment to a relatively minor post.

The LGBT community has been disrespected- see Rick Warren’s part in the inauguration events next to our, um, marching band- and passed over in this administration already. I’m not surprised. He said “gay” a lot in his campaign speeches which was great but the actual embrace, a real seat at the table, is still a far away dream.

To be honest, if he gets the war, Gaza and the economy right? I’m happy to let him slide until he builds the credibility to go ahead and make a few things happen- like the end of DOMA, DADT and a fully inclusive ENDA. If you’ve fixed those things, some civil rights should be a piece of cake.

Let’s not forget, rights are free to give. They don’t increase the budget. Leaves the country with good feeling, no raised tax ceiling.

This is Obama’s moment in the sun. He may never again reach such high levels of popularity. Please, for the country’s sake, may he not be blinded by it. I don’t mind a somewhat goofy choice for Surgeon General and as long as the General in Regional Command is dedicated to leaving Iraq.

I hope he uses the power of words carefully, especially when talking about the economy. A single Hank Paulson speech can tank the markets for weeks. What we need is economic stability, not the current panic driven roller coaster.

Mostly? Let’s all stay focused on the real issues of the day and not be suckered by some of the ratings-driven, sexed up nonsense the mainstream media throws at us.



Because just like now, as the sun is slipping down behind the house next door, the sun will go away. I hope we have the real change we need when it does.

It Doesn't Make Sense

My son came home from school yesterday after having watched a movie about the Civil Rights movement in the 1960's.

It was horrible, he said.

As he described the church bombing, the hoses and the police dogs, he asked me, why?

People who were in power wanted to stay in power. They wanted to beat them down but they fought back.

Jake was listening to this conversation. After about an hour, he came up and asked me, Why did they kill the girls that were changing their clothes?

I said, They bombed the church. They didn't care who was inside.

He kept asking questions, throughout the rest of the day. Finally, I said to him, You're trying to make sense of this. It doesn't make any sense.

Eleven gay bars in Seattle had ricin threats sent to them in the mail on Tuesday. Last night, hackers brought down a bunch of LGBT blogs.

"Pam's House Blend, RadicalRuss.net, American Liberalism, BeThink.org are some of the sites affected. I haven't gone down the whole Soapblox blogroll yet, so far it seems the state blogs were not affected; I assume the hack is restricted to only one server."

As I listened to my sons try and digest the horror of the Civil Rights movement, I wanted to say something about what is going on today in the LGBT movement. How transpeople all over the south are being killed with no real police effort to do anything about it. How Sean Kennedy's murderer is being set free after little time in jail.

How could I? How could I explain that people do hateful things to people who are different and that I, their mother, am one of the targets? Just because the one I am in love with, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, share the responsibilities of adulthood with, share my bed with, is a woman instead of a man.

It doesn't make any sense.

They are Marching in the Streets

I asked for this and it's happened.

In San Francisco, in West Hollywood, in Los Angeles and soon in San Diego, night after night, they have been marching.

Thousands of people holding their No on 8 Signs, politicians, activists have taken to the microphones and made speeches vowing to fight, and fight and fight until we take back the constitution and eliminate discrimination.

Yesterday, they stopped issuing marriage licenses for same sex couples.

In turn? We took to the streets. Marching, shouting, listening to speeches, filling public spaces with our anguish.

Our despair at being treated like garbage for too long. For the hate crimes, for the job discrimination, for the loss of housing- all because of who we love. Gay, straight, Trans, bisexual, Black, White, Asian, Latino, old, poor, young- because half the people voted with us and half the people are all those things.

It is not a time to point fingers at other minorities. It is time to reach out and ask for their help. Because we are their long lost sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers.

And they are us. They face the same uphill battle. The same loss of rights and hate crimes. Those invested in keeping LGBT people out are invested in keeping all of us out.

A friend of mine is still out there. I'm not sure he'll come back. He's young, single and the moment in history is now. I believe he will stay to be a part of it. I'm proud of him.

We have finally come back to our roots- protests. Peaceful protests.

With thousands in the streets.

We will win because in this country, everyone values equality.

What Can I Do?

I've read some armchair evaluations of the No on 8 efforts. I have to admit, it hurts too much to read the criticisms of the campaign.

Was it perfect? No. Even if we won it was not perfect. No campaign ever is. But everyone worked so hard to make it happen. To quickly type off statements that include how much better it could have been done it feels disrespectful to all the volunteers and staff who only wanted to do the right thing- always.

While the rest of the country celebrated a great win for Obama- sweeping, commanding mandate for change- I can't help but feel completely kicked to the curb. My rights? Not so important.

I am deeply grateful for the efforts to get Obama elected. I can breathe now that our supreme court will be fair. that women's reproductive rights are safe. the war, education, health care... the list is long.

But I am hurt.

And angry.

So before anyone writes to opine about how it shoulda, coulda, woulda- which I do believe we need to do in order to learn from the mistakes which will only help other states in similar efforts- stop for a moment and ask yourself what could I have done better. Look in the mirror first.

The next ten years will be the most significant shift in LGBT rights in history. That cannot be stopped. We will need all of us, working together, to move forward.

Today? I woke up, ready to reach deep down and remember, it's time to make the world change for LGBT people.

It will.

I promise.

The “Call” at Qualcomm Stadium- Translation Needed!

Can someone please tell me where in the Bible Jesus spoke tongues? Because they are babbling away at Qualcomm Stadium today in his name.

Personally, I don’t think Jesus was a freak like the group filing in to protect marriage against the end of times- equal rights to all.

After hours of fasting, folks filed into Qualcomm Stadium boasting of 70,000 people were on their way to fight the evils of Equality in the state constitution.

Try 7,100, tops.

Even the Knights of Columbus did a solemn march to the event.




Where were their funny little cars?

When the going gets tough, the tough does great video editing to make it look full. It wasn’t. Although there were folks milling into the press box speaking tongues.

I guess that’s because they were hungry and the press had pizza.

I wonder where God is on this debate about treating people as different and taking away their rights. I don’t believe in God. I wish I could sometimes but I don’t.

But for those who do, I have to ask- do you think God would be nasty? Hateful? So many parts of the Bible focus on being kind, helping one another, and justice. I mean, the Jews got kicked all over the desert, and I don’t think God liked that.

Jesus, was after all, Jewish.

I wonder about all those people going to church. I walked up to the Grace Cathedral earlier. It’s a beautiful building, obviously built with a great deal of passion.

There is a Keith Haring AIDS Chapel altarpiece. It is a welcoming space. Even as an atheist I feel a sense of belonging. Maybe it’s because I’m in the heart of San Francisco and everywhere feels welcoming to me. I’m asked my gender preference- sir or miss- respectfully.

I guess those Christians have different rules than other Christians. It’s very confusing as an outsider. The Evangelicals think their version is it. The Catholics, theirs, and the Episcopal’s are more forgiving but they think they are right.

And we haven’t even hit the Protestants.

I wonder how this fits into legal rights because last I looked there is a separation of church and state. If marriage is all about religion then government should not recognize it.

End of discussion.

I walked the labyrinth. I might not be religious but I can be quietly spiritual. As I moved through it I kept thinking, what kind of person hates so deeply? I have been angry with people in my life- furious in fact. But hate, as I tell my kids, is a powerful emotion that only hurts you.

Never the other person.

I’m not sure that’s really true. I am hurt by the hate. I see myself as incredibly average. I write part time, I stay home with my kids, and I do all the suburban housewife activities. Nothing out of the ordinary, to be honest.

Yet all those swaying, crying, singing, dancing folks out in San Diego today are preparing to “defeat” me. To save the world against my kind.

I wonder… who will save us against them?

It’s ironic because I cannot even imagine taking away their rights to babble on, or to hold a gathering in a stadium, or their right to be recognized as equal citizens. I don’t agree with them, they basically scare me, but I still believe they have rights.

Why can’t they practice the Golden Rule? Would they want me to organize to take away their rights?

Vote No on Prop. 8 in California this Tuesday and maybe they’ll all go have some dinner and settle down. Realize they are a part of a diverse state, with many people of many different religions.

Rights are rights and, as the California Courts ruled, one group cannot be discriminated against simply because another group doesn’t like them.

It’s the same in every language- even tongues.

It's Hard to be Good

The news out here in CA is the hacking of the No on 8 website. It seems there was a coordinated attack on the CA site and FL, No on 2, site.

Nice.

I've heard over and over again, it's so hard to be good. Why can't we deploy these scummy tactics? Why don't we hack their websites? Create outrageous lies in our ads to scare people into voting our way?

Because we see ourselves as the good guys. We can't stoop that low. I know that's right but sometimes, I get so frustrated, I just want to win.

We won't. Of course we won't. We're not willing to give up our ideals, our morals, our beliefs. Someone should remind the Log Cabin Republicans of that.

I'm going out to a women's event in Oakland today.

Senator Barbara Boxer and Congresswoman Barbara Lee will kick off “Women’s No on 8 BYOCell – Cell Phone Call to Action,” aimed at rallying Democratic women to actively work to defeat Prop 8. Senator Boxer, Congresswoman Lee, Assemblywoman Loni Hancock, and Women’s Foundation of California Chair Elmy Bermejo will hold a press conference at Everett & Jones Barbecue in Oakland as volunteers call women voters to urge them to go to the polls on November 4th and cast their ballots against Prop 8.

Come if you can. Look for me- I'll have on a Mass Equality button. I'll buy you a beer to go with that barbecue.

We'll do what we do best- call, ask, plead our case. Gather together to remember, if nothing else, that this is the right thing to do.

And the right way to do it.

Armageddon in California

I have a question for all those religious groups are pouring money into California to try and make a constitutional amendment to limit access to legal contracts – and that is what marriage is, a legal contract first and foremost- we’re not going away. They are funding discrimination in the name of Jesus.

I am a suburban lesbian mom. I live in Massachusetts. Last I checked, the end of the world has not occurred. No plagues, no locusts, no hell fire and damnation. I am married to a woman I have spent the last 18 years of my life with. We have three kids. We pay taxes and support our community. Recognizing us with the same dignity and respect as everyone else has not changed the divorce rate amongst heterosexuals.

Nor has it lead to teaching sexuality in kindergarten.

Society has not crumbled. I know the right wing would like you to think it has but last I looked, it’s all pretty much the same.

The irony about this is how I teach my kids tolerance for the people who would dissolve my marriage. Who would throw me into conversion therapies to make me “right.” I tell them its okay for other people to have a different opinion.

It’s just not okay to take away someone else’s rights because of those opinions.

We all need to learn a little more tolerance. We all need to stop for a moment and ask ourselves, deep down- how will this truly change my life?

California is no different that Massachusetts. The world will not end. It’s not Armageddon. And when people tried to take our rights away? We fought back. We’re fighting back in California. James Dobson and his crew can pound the airwaves with hateful messages, they can liked us to pedophiles, they can say that it’ll lead to people marrying donkeys or their brothers or mothers. They can put small children’s faces on the TV with their innocent eyes and say somehow our loving, committed relationships will lead to their demise.

I don’t quite understand that but maybe that’s because I’m raising three kids and I have seen no lack of morality in them. Except maybe when they finish the orange juice and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator.

The reality is, if we lose in California? We will continue to fight. We’ll go to the courts, we’ll draft legislation, and we’ll keep fighting until we have equality. We’ll raise money, they’ll raise money. Millions wasted over something that doesn’t cost a dime.

If you are tired of the argument, tired of the ridiculous warning that the world will end, please reach into your weary wallets and give one more time. Let’s finish this so California can go on to tackle bigger issues like Education, Health Care, and the budget crisis.

It’s not Armageddon. No one is going to take away anyone’s right to preach the evils of homosexuality. No one is going to marry his or her dog. Four years we’ve had equality in Massachusetts.

Nothing has changed. My partner is my wife now. We have legal rights. People who hate me still hate me. They still get to preach every Sunday about how evil I am.

The only people who have anything to lose? Are all the families, like mine, across California and all of our straight allies who want their kids to grow up in a country that believes in equality. Fairness.

Cabbies Know Best

I was at a table of volunteers, all calling people. It’s wild here right now. Calling for volunteers, calling for Election Day visibility. There is a volunteer coordinator who is a clone of my sister in law, Tonita who is giving out instructions.

Nice but direct.

No one has made calls before but their packets are great. Cell phones provided if need be. Long lists. Text to read. Nervous questions asked about what was the right thing to fill out on the forms. Do you leave a message or just hang up?

Never leave a message, I said. It’s too easy to ignore.

At my table there were several young, gay men. An older straight woman who had been to Reno to knock on doors for Obama and felt this was the most important thing to do right now. Everyone started off slowly reading the lines, starting to roll after a while. Mostly people called are willing to be engaged at some level.

It’s easier to do this in a room full of people.

Money, however, is hard to raise. Tapped out. Broke. Can’t do more.

I understand, fully, the feeling- and the reality. Since the primaries, it’s been call after call, looking for political donations. I don’t ever remember a time when so much has been asked for.

Or so much was at stake.

I keep looking over my lists, who else can I call? Who are the straight allies I can ask? Even a couple hundred dollars makes a difference right now. (I know that feels like a lot but please understand, I’m used to asking for much more.)

I took a cab back- I’m kind of a baby about public transportation when I’m tired. First thing in the morning is fine but… I have my limits.

Okay, I’m kind of a big baby in general.

The cab driver was an old stoner from the 1960’s, with a long, gray ponytail. How do you like San Francisco, he asked.

I love it, I said. It’s a beautiful city.

He asked why I was here and I explained I came out to work on Prop 8. I did not mention which side but seeing that he picked me up in the Castro, it was an easy guess.

No on 8! He said loudly. Stupid rednecks need to just shut up.

I agreed.

Even the Republicans think it’s stupid. It’ll fail. There is no way it’ll pass.

I hope not, I said. A lot of money has come into the state to tell you all what to do.

After pulling what could only be deemed a Boston driving move, he said, There are enough right-minded people. It’ll never pass.

We then went on to discuss why Californians were so mellow.

It’s the pot, he said. We have great weed out here.

Indeed.

I found it funny that his voice was even, calm, and had that California lilt to it. And yet he drove like a maniac. I do believe, though, Cabbies often know the pulse of their city better than most. They always know where to get great food. I guess San Francisco is a no-brainer- but he seemed certain about the state.

You have a little Bostonian in you, I said as we pulled up.

He laughed. Just a little during rush hour.

The rented space for No on 8 was full when I left. Hundreds of people sitting at tables making calls. The energy was high. People are nervous.

Not my cabbie, though. I hope he’s right.