Thaw!

At last it appears we have a thaw. Snow is pretty to look at but the novelty soon wears off doesn't it?

A normal working morning sees me driving to a nearby bakery to collect morning goods (that's bread and lovely fresh-baked om-noms to you) to sell in our shop. Getting stuck in heavy rush hour traffic on the Mansfield/Chesterfield roads is bad at the best of times but add black ice and snow storms to the mix and you're talking F-E-A-R!

'Don't hit the brakes if the car goes into a skid', is the advice. I'm sorry but when the car did that Bambi thing on the by-pass and I was hurtling towards a Wilkinson's juggernaut, I can tell you, I stomped on those brakes for all I was worth! Luckily, I gained control, but that was me done! No more trips until a thaw set in. If I want a white knuckle ride I'll hop over to Alton Towers, thank you very gladly!

This morning was the first time I'd ventured out for over a week. The roads were as busy as ever but at least free-flowing with no ice or drifts.

Compared to what's going on in Haiti, I shouldn't complain.

P.S In case you were wondering 'om-noms' - made famous by Sesame St Cookie Monster are an onomatopoeical adjective based on the sound emitted when something is "oh so tasty" (either through hunger or flavorological value) that one gnaws through it without regard to cleanliness or etiquette. This sort of ravenous eating will often result in an "om nom nom nom" noise being emitted from the eater.

The Lady

Anyone catch the new editor, Rachel Johnson (author of The Mummy Diaries...and Boris Johnson's sister), being interviewed this morning? She's the 9th in their 124 year history.

They're vamping up the mag but seems fiction has been dropped. She didn't say as much but I managed to get hold of a few recent issues and fiction was absent. I only ever sold them one story and that was a while ago. I admit I didn't especially target them as the pay wasn't that great, but still we can't afford to lose another outlet.

I got a rejection today from Norah at Take A Break. Funnily enough I'd chased a couple of submissions sent before this one (August)last week and hadn't heard anything back. No doubt my letterbox will be flapping again tomorrow with more rejects.

I'm Back

Not that I've been anywhere. My Broadband connection threw a wobbly shortly before Christmas. Sky said it was an internal fault with our wiring, then the router took the blame, then BT said it was an error at the exchange. You know how it goes. Anyway, think I can safely say it's sorted and still we don't really know what the problem was. I do know it cost us - new wires, even new telephones. They did need changing I must admit.

So, what have I been up to? Well, we had a great Christmas get-together with the family. Played the Cranium Wow board game. Brilliant game! Even my 80 year old dad joined in. Here he is acting out his clue - 'auctioneer'!



Even funnier was Mum acting out a cat walk model using Dad as the model!





Below is some of the family ever so slightly intoxicated at this stage ;0)












New Year's Eve was rather dull in comparison. The kids all had their own parties to go to so Himself and I sat on the sofa and munched our way through a tin of Roses. Is it me or have they changed the assortment? Where was the coffee creme? And the toffee penny. Or are those from Quality Street? Dur!

Can't believe it's all over for another year. Back to getting some fiction written. I started something yesterday but my heart wasn't in it. Got a few more ideas but nothing that's begging to be written.

I've sent an email chasing a submission I sent to Take A Break back at the beginning of August. Norah can take up to 16 weeks sometimes but I've spoken to a couple of other writers who also sent July/Aug and they haven't heard either so maybe a batch simply disappeared behind the office gin cupboard...erm I mean photocopier. Or maybe they're lost in the post. Or an office junior neglected to let us know they were declined - so much nicer word than 'rejected' don't you agree! Either way, I need to know so I can send them elsewhere. Possibly with a tweak they can go to Woman's Weekly. There's also the possibility she's saving it for a future issue but I doubt it.

I'll leave you with a pic of my patio taken yesterday. It's stopped snowing now and the sun's shining. Hopefully we'll get a melt so I can get the car off the drive tomorrow and go shopping. Oh, and nearly forgot - Happy New Year! x



PS - I spent my Christmas cash on a Nintendo DS and have completed Prof Layton & Pandora's Box!! My kids think it's hysterical their old mum is hooked on gaming.

The Six Perils of Writing Workshops

I was going to write a few lines about choosing a writing workshop but as I'm feeling rather lazy this morning I'll point you in this direction instead - with apologies to James Burt for stealing his title.

Festive Fiction

Got my copy of Take a Break's Christmas Fiction Feast yesterday. My story, spread over 4 pages, begins on page 8 and has some lovely illustrations to accompany it so not too worried Norah's changed my title from 'Ice Angels' to 'An Angel in Bovver Boots'!

I'm in good company this month with my writing chums Teresa Ashby, Della Galton, Pam Weaver, Sandra Beswetherick, Sally Quilford and Geraldine Ryan. Just thinking off the top of my head here so if I've missed anyone out, apologies ;0)

And still in festive mood, I put up the Christmas tree this morning. Not a bauble in sight this year. I've gone for the rustic look with pine cones, gingerbread men, candy canes and ribbon. I like it. Not sure what Himself will think. He's more the glitter and tinsel type. Who said 'chav'?




Might dry out some orange slices tomorrow to string with ribbon and hang on the tree. I do them fresh every year because they don't seem to save very well. I found two mouldy ones at the bottom of the deco box. Think the trick is to dry them out more slowly. Or buy them ready made as I've done with the cinnamon sticks. Tescos are selling them in packs of 2 for £2 so much cheaper than doing them myself. Though on closer inspection, I think they're twigs and not cinnamon.

We Are Not A Camera

I'm a bit of a fiddler when faced with anything technical. Let me begin by saying 'I know nothing'. Like I said, I just like to fiddle! Where's this going? Well, I managed to put together a new website as you probably know, but then wondered about doing one for Himself.
I haven't a clue how he's run a successful business for almost 30 years with such a distinct lack of advertising, save for a few runs in the local newspaper.

( "I have a good reputation, stoopid" - Himself)

Sorry about that, he's looking over my shoulder! So, two days of arguing over what should go on it I ended up with Jeff Houghton's Website

I'm sure it could be better. This is only my third bash at web building but I think it does the job for now. The problem comes with getting Google and all the other search engines to recognise it. The biggest and most annoying problem is every time anyone Googles 'Houghton's Butchers' they're directed to various websites (including eBay) glorifying the HOUGHTON BUTCHERS REFLEX CARBINE CAMERA - a rather ugly box camera thing circa 1925.



Can you tell the difference?

Woman's Weekly

Have you heard the very good news that Woman's Weekly will be putting out 10 fiction specials per year from January 2010? Here are the expected publication dates:

4th Jan
5th Feb
12th Mar
16th Apr
21st May
2nd July
13th Aug
24th Sept
29th Oct
30th Nov

I'm waiting to hear what the newest guidelines are. Meanwhile I'll be dusting off some stories in my 'Started but not finished' file...and there're an awful lot languishing in there!

Never say Die

Wish it was my own book launch I was plugging but for now I have to ride on another's coattails..sighs!

My writing chum, Lynne Barrett-Lee has her book out today. Think Amazon has it on offer for under a fiver at the moment so it'd make a great Christmas present. Here's a taster:

Never Say Die

by Melanie Davies and Lynne Barrett-Lee

'I don’t know how long it was before I fully woke up, but when I did, everything felt different. My eyes opened and for a moment it seemed that I must have been hit on the head. There was no pain at all, but a new face above me. A manly face. Rugged. Unfamiliar. Concerned. I wanted him to save me, but straight away I noticed that there was worry in his expression and sadness in his eyes. He asked me a question, but I didn’t really hear it. I felt terrified. Why was he looking at me that way? Then he asked me again, and this time I did hear. “Can you,” he asked, “move your feet for me, sweetheart?” I had no choice but to answer with a question of my own, because I didn’t understand what was happening. Where were they? Where were my feet and my legs? Where was the rest of my body?’

Sounds intriguing, doesn't it, but what makes it all the more extraordinary is Never Say Die isn't fiction. There'll be lots of publicity surrounding the launch, including an interview with Melanie in the Daily Mail on the 27th Nov. and further interviews on TV.

I know Lynne, along with Melanie, has worked hard on this book so hoping they get lots of sales.

Lynne is also the author of romantic comedies: Virtual Strangers, Straight On Till Morning, Out on a Limb, Barefoot in the Dark and Julie Gets A Life.

Chickle!

I know folk get tired of being sent jokes via the Interweb, especially ones that have been doing the rounds for yonks, but this one made me splutter coffee over the keyboard. So thank you Ginny, for this little gem:

Yesterday I was at my local Co-op buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Co-op.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

Website makeover

Been fiddling about with the website, yet again. Not this one, the other one.

I'd been using Trellix site builder for some years but then tried to migrate to their new web builder with disastrous results. I lost half the content - my fault, I'm sure. But anyway, then one of my writer friends, Jill Steeples, told me about Moonfruit and how easy it was. I agree. Much easier! And I don't have to pay to get adverts removed either!

So, if you click here or on the link at the top of this page it should take you to my nice new site. Similar content to the old one, just a bit smarter..but that's only my opinion ;0)

I think I've done everything necessary to divert traffic from my old site to the new one but apparently it can take a while for it all to kick in...or whatever the techie term is. And then there's the wait for Google and other search engines to crawl all over it and gather up keywords and other important techie stuff.

Have you created a Mary-Sue or a Gary-Stu?

If you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, don't worry, I'd never heard of it either, but apparently, in literary criticism, a'Mary-Sue'is a fictional character the writer has created who...you know what, I really can't be bothered to explain so here's what Wikipedia has to say about it:

A Mary Sue (or Gary Stu), is a character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as wish-fulfillment fantasies for their authors or readers. Perhaps the single underlying feature of all characters described as 'Mary Sues' is that they are too ostentatious for the audience's taste, or that the author seems to favor the character too highly. The author may seem to push how exceptional and wonderful the 'Mary Sue' character is on his or her audience, sometimes leading the audience to dislike or even resent the character fairly quickly; such a character could be described as an 'author's pet'.


Someone has even devised what is known as The Mary-Sue Litmus Test. Be warned, it's awfully long.

Did I learn anything from it? Well, not really. It's a basic principle when creating characters. Make them likeable, well-drawn and not cliched...end of. Simples!

My Roots Needed Doing

I've been rootling around on Ancestry.co.uk for a couple of years on and off mainly because it interests me and it appeals to the nosey side of my personality but also to find out if the family legend is true and we really are related to Sir Isaac Newton and G. K. Chesterton...yes, I know it sounds unlikely but one never knows!

Well, after struggling to get the ancestry website to work properly - it isn't compliant with IE8 Vista apparently you need Firefox 3 - I've discovered that we do indeed have a long line of Chestertons in the family but sadly they're the 'wrong sort'. They're the Leicester Chestertons not the London lot. It makes a difference!

We do have an Isaac Newton, but again, not the Sir Isaac and born a hundred or more years too late. Ah well!

Still, I did get some joy on the genealogy front...today I marked up my 400th ancestor link and have now been able to trace back to the 1600's on both maternal and paternal side of the Cooling family (Cooling is my maiden name, by the way).



I rather like the look of this old girl. She's called Esther Chesterton (nee Hardwick 1823-1873) and the mother to nine children. Bit weird putting faces to deceased rellies and even weirder if you think how far we've come from sepia photos to sharing them around the world on the Internet.

The tombstone belongs to another Chesterton rellie - Richard Chesterton and his son Richard Jnr. Lovely inscription and so clear considering its age. It's in Hungerton churchyard, Leicester, so one day I'll go take a look at it. Oh and I hear there's a Chesterton House somewhere in Leicester...maybe it's the stately pile I've been looking for!

Ancestry

A few years back I traced my dad's side of the family (the Coolings) back to 1696. It wasn't difficult. They lived, worked and died (but for one brief migration down to Peterborough) in Southwell, Nottinghamshire. Most had unremarkable lives but I was re-reading all this stuff this morning and with Christmas approaching, thought the following, dated Boxing Day 1839, rather poignant. Just imagine what this family would've been going through.

The letter concerns my gt.gt.gt-grandfather, George Cooling, father of 6, who on being made redundant from a local hosiery mill in 1839, threw himself on the mercy of the Guardians of the Southwell Union Poor Law Commission. The board ordered he should be granted 3 stone of bread, value 8 shillings, whilst he sought work. I have a copy of a letter dated 29th December 1839, written by Edward Senior, which states:

'The relief given may be sanctioned, it might be well to state to the Guardians that the Commissioners believe much evil is occasioned by granting out door relief in a District where labour is usually well rewarded and where no want of Employment is general, by keeping up the feeling, that the Parish is bound to make up for lost time, and state that the real motive for granting such relief is the Commissioners apprehend the pecuniary interest of the Parish and advise that in similar instances in future the Workhouse only be offered'.

On the reverse of this letter is a draft letter back from the Poor Law Commission to the effect that they will not withhold such sanction from the outdoor relief given to George Cooling as his becoming unemployed was no fault of his as the mill where he'd worked had fallen into bankruptcy.

I assume George did find employment soon after as I can find no mention of his family having gone into Southwell Workhouse.




I've been promising myself that one day I'll take the guided tour. It's only a few miles away and we did go to Southwell recently so I could take some photos and get a 'feel' as to where I'm from, so to speak. However we didn't get to see the workhouse from the inside as it was closed season. Maybe next year. And I'll take along my notebook in case any story plots present themselves. Probably ghostly ones!

I did have a spooky experience whilst looking around the village. We'd just come out of the minster and I was standing by a row of terraced houses imagining them on a book cover of my first historical saga (no, don't laugh)and when I got home and checked the address, where I'd been standing was next door to the actual house one of my rellies had lived! Okay, maybe coincidence, after all the village isn't that big, but nevertheless..

The Lovely Blog Award

Ah, you meet some lovely people in this writing game. My friend Janice Horton has made my day by giving me The Lovely Blog Award which I’m so ridiculously pleased to accept, you'd think I'd won tonight's lottery!.

And now the rules say:
1) Accept the award, and don’t forget to post a link back to the awarding person.
2) Pass the award on.
3) Notify the award winners.

So I'd like to pass the award on to (trumpets and drum roll, please) Teresa Ashby because I've long admired her work and her blog is always entertaining and interesting.

Pumpkin pie

Here's Amy carving a spider!

With 4 pumpkins turned into spooky lanterns there was an awful lot of flesh to work with! We bought ready-made pastry bases and then followed the recipe below:



For the filling:

1lb pureed pumpkin
1 large tin of condensed milk
2 eggs
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 tspoon ground ginger
1/2 tspoon ground nutmeg
pinch salt

Method:
Pre-heat oven to 200 degrees
To the pureed pumpkin add everything else and mix well
Bake for 15 mins at 200 degrees then turn heat down to 170 for another 35 mins.
You'll know it's done when it's set like an egg custard.

Happy Halloween

Isn't my daughter, Amy, clever? She took about half an hour to carve this last night and I think it's brilliant. Beats the usual scary face doesn't it?

Going a Bit Lynne Truss

My local corner shop/newsagent went bust a few years back and my next nearest looks to be suffering the same fate (thanks to supermarkets but don't get me started on that one). For months there has been gossip of it going into liquidation and when they stopped selling magazines and newspapers it seemed as if the rumours were true.

Today there's a big sign outside declaring 'THERE BACK - MAGAZINES/NEWSPAPERS NOW IN STOCK'.

I went in hoping to get Women's Weekly (Paula William's final serial chapter of Burying Bad News) but the shelves were bare. Feeling cheated, I couldn't resist pointing out someone had used the wrong spelling on the board outside.

'Oh yes,' said the assistant. 'Should be T-H-E-I-R shouldn't it?'

'No, it should be T-H-E-Y'R-E.' She looked at me as if I was a nutter, and admittedly I did feel a bit Lynne Truss as I vigorously signed an air apostrophe.

I suppose if folk go in just to point out it's wrong it might increase 'THERE' sales huh?

PS. I am now paranoid you're searching this blog for grammatical/spelling errors. Be assured, you'll find plenty! Just don't write to tell me!

Short Story Radio Competition

Short Story Radio is proud to announce the Short Story Radio Romance Award 2010. This exciting and innovative new writing competition offers romantic fiction writers the chance to have their work recorded and broadcast, as well as to receive a cash prize.
We are looking for an engaging and entertaining romance story (previously unpublished) , told in two parts of no more than 5,000 words in total, similar to the type of romance story you will find in a women's magazine.

Word length: synopsis (no more than one page of A4) and first part of story (2,000 minimum to 2,500 maximum words). This first part must end with a “hook” or “cliffhanger” to entice the listener to listen to the second part of the story. Only short-listed entrants will be asked to send the second part of the story.

The winning story will be recorded and broadcast, in two episodes, on the Short Story Radio website and podcast. The winner will also receive a cash prize of £150 and the title of winner of the Short Story Radio Romance Award 2010.

The short-list judge for this competition is Pat Richardson, founder of Perfectly Worded Writing and Editing Consultancy and former Fiction Editor at Best magazine (UK).

More information at http://www.shortstoryradio.com/short_story_competitions.htm

Gather ye cheggies

Everyone's been saying what a rotten year it is for chestnuts but not up here in Notts. My kids went out gathering just a mile away and came back with this lot after only an hour's work. I didn't go with them. Getting spiny thorns out of finger ends for a week afterwards is to be avoided at all cost especially if you're a writer!

My daughter washed and dried the haul and prepared to roast them. I favoured banging them in the microwave for a few seconds but I was over-ruled. They wanted them done in the chiminea outside for that authentic taste. They had a point. As a child, I remember going shopping with my gran shortly before Christmas and on the way to the bus station stopping off at a street vendor to buy sixpence worth of chestnuts from a glowing brazier - yes, dear readers, I really am that old - then hugging the brown paper bag in my mitten-clad paws until we were on the bus home. I know hot chestnuts can still be found but I bet the open brazier's been replaced with an 'authentic barrow'.

But back from the Dickensian fantasy - we were out of coals and logs for the chiminea so several pounds of cheggies went in my electric fan oven instead. Someone should've set the timer because when they were dished up the anticipated smokey-soft kernel had shrivelled and dried (along with the obligatory maggots contained therein) making them inedible. They'd have been more succulent if they'd been put through the Hadron Collider.

Oh and here's a little blast from the past...remember Johnny Morris of Animal Magic fame? He had a regular slot on BBC Children’s TV in the 1950s as The Hot Chestnut Man, telling stories over a brazier.

Fun

First son and his girlfriend are up from London, visiting for a week. They won't be around for our yuletide get together as they'll be off to Denmark.
I was toying with the idea of doing the whole tinsel lunch shebang but it was decided we'd go for a meal at a local Asian restaurant instead. Phew!
Jhinook came up to expectation as usual, though our request to ignore the set starter menu and 'Just bring us out a mix' cost us dearly and I don't mean cash-wise! The house still smells like a Bombay back street!

On Sunday we went off to Meadowhall (Sheffield) which is only 30 mins away and had a meal in a tapas bar followed by an hour and a half chuckle watching Pixar's newest creation, UP, in 3D.

We were handed free (at £9.70 a seat I should think so too!) viewing goggles - black-framed plastic things with polarised lenses - which are quite trendy in a Thunderbirds kind of way and a vast improvement on the paper efforts with the red and green lenses.

The 3D effects weren't the 'in yer face throw things out at the audience' sort I expected, but subtle and very realistic. I wasn't sure I'd enjoy a film about some old codger who transports his home by lifting it from its foundations using balloons, but I loved it. Especially the character Russell - very lovable and funny.

It wasn't until afterwards I realised it'd addressed infertility, death (weepy scene I thought kids might not grasp but I overheard a youngster seated in front sniffle!), single parenting, loss of childhood illusions, and the necessities of respecting nature. Not bad for a PG rated film eh?