Tonight I was browsing around My Documents and stumbled upon some pretty interesting things- old recipes, incoheret substitute plans typed when I was sick in the middle of the night, my resume, a bar graph from February of 2006 charting my workout minutes... but the BEST thing of all I uncovered was a journal typed in Word chronicling my first semester teaching and my tumultous yet fabulous (or so I thought) dating life. HA!! It was the first time I'd ever been completely on my own. My first job, a new city... I was excited yet so overwhelemed and alone. I was trying to find who I wanted to become. Nick was just a figment of my imagination.The thing I hate about keeping a journal is that somehow in the back of your mind you know one day you'll be reading what you wrote and cringing and/or laughing at yourself. I know I always do. It's a good lesson in humility. My teammate Tammie always says, "For being 25 [25.999 actually], you have it SO figured out." HA!! Let's just take a stroll down memory lane and see how "figured out" things have been over the past few years.
Two Standouts from the journal:
1) My first year of teaching SUCKED. I didn't actually know it sucked at the time, but looking back, wow, it sucked! THANK GOD I will never be a first year teacher again. I was so insecure, so uncertain of what to do. SO overwhelmed. Not that I have all the answers now, but that was tough. I SO didn't fit in at the school I was in. The man was holding me down.
2) My daily struggle with "Mission Erase," a last ditch attempt to erase my ex boyfriend from my thoughts. HA!
But the thing that made me laugh/cringe the most buried in pages and pages of the 12 point Times New Roman was this:
My Plan to Find a Guy in Dallas
10.22.05
"So since I don’t have any good girlfriends in Dallas, I’ll have to attempt this operation on my own…I’m sitting at Starbucks in West Village on a beautiful, crisp fall morning guy watching...I was sure to pack tools.. my lap top (so as to appear busy). Besides my lap top, I was sure to bring another useful tool, Lexi. I tried to get her real hyper before we left the apartment so she might act totally out of control and I would be in dire need of a gentleman’s taming hand... "
Oh. My. Gosh. I won't go on in order to preserve a little dignity. If I were smart I would probably delete this whole file. But I just can't bring myself to do it. What's that saying? You don't know where you're going if you can't remember where you've been. Ironically, the picture at the top was taken at a wedding in October of 2005. Literally SAYS IT ALL.
The shirt Erin gave me that October for my birthday: "Explain to me why I need a boyfriend."Apparantly if you're hitting up Starbucks for guys you need SOMETHING explained.
All my besties in 2005.
I had game.
1 comment:
I LOVE this post! So hilarious. I especially like that you were brave enough to go to Starbucks on your own to get a guy!
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