Pregame jitters

Well, sure, of course I'm nervous. Nervous that Shawne Merriman and Shaun Phillips will get their share of cracks at Tom Brady, especially since Matt Light and Nick Kaczur both had a touch of flu this week. Nervous that Darren Sproles will blow past the Pats' aging linebackers just as he did against Indy's faster unit a week ago. Nervous that Chris Chambers and Vincent Jackson will win more than their share of jump balls against the Pats' shrimpy cornerbacks.

Nervous about the impossibly high stakes of this game, and the legacy as the Undisputed Greatest Team Ever that depends upon a victory today and another in two weeks. I want this so bad I can feel it. I can't imagine how wild this must be for the players.

But mostly it's those good kind of nerves, the ones you have when you're on the brink of something special or fun or meaningful. You'd think we'd become jaded after watching the Pats make it to five AFC championship games this decade, that playing for a trip to the Super Bowl wouldn't seem as special as it did in, say, '96 or '01. Yet after all this team has accomplished in the Bill Belichick Era, I'm glad to report that making it to this moment and anticipating what's to come still gets the butterflies dancing in the belly.

Besides, it's a mistake to confuse nervousness with a lack of confidence. While you have to respect the Chargers, not only for what they did to the Colts last weekend but for the depth of talent on their roster, I can't convince myself that a team coached by Norv Turner and quarterbacked by Billy Volek or the insufferable Philip Rivers is going to win a big game against Bill Belichick and Brady. The Patriots have an enormous advantage at head coach and quarterback. I imagine you probably knew that, huh?

And while it's natural to be nervous about those potential plot twists I mentioned in the first paragraph, the truth is the Chargers have much, much more to be worried about. With Antonio Gates and LaDainian Tomlinson looking iffy, the offense could be without its two best playmakers, though I have to admit I have major questions about LT's toughness after he missed the rest of the Indy game with what turned out to be a minor injury. There are no questions about the toughness of the Chargers' defense - but there are plenty about their personnel. Antonio Cromartie is a terrific cornerback, which by my accounting means that San Diego has exactly one high-quality defensive back. I just cannot see them slowing the Patriots' passing game whatsoever. Even if Randy Moss's mind is still on the dreaded Consensual Horseplay Scandal, he will have his moments. Plus, no one has stopped Wes Welker yet, and Drayton Florence sure as hell won't be the first. Spectacularly and efficiently, the Pats will get their points.

I do realize that the Chargers come into this with nothing to lose, which makes them all the more dangerous. The victory over the Colts already gives them a season-defining, feel-good theme for the NFL Films highlight reel; there's really no pressure on them. They should be loose and confident, and you know Merriman, Stephen Cooper, and friends will be jabbering and smack-talking from the time they arrive at the stadium. Which, precisely, is why it would nice, if not quite imperative, for the Pats to jump to an early 10-0 or 14-0 lead, just to remind the Chargers, hardly the mentally toughest team in the league, who they're dealing with and that the cause is hopeless.

But even if they don't silence the Chargers early, you know they will do it eventually.

Patriots, 37-17.

Next up, a trip to Arizona. Where history awaits.

An extremely arrogant post about the Patriots

I suppose I should be nervous for the Patriots tonight against preening mastermind Jack Del Rio and his jacked-and-pumped Jacksonville Jaguars. After all, pretty much everything I've heard and seen this week about the game has had a common, terribly worrisome theme:

Jacksonville can win this football game. Oh, yes, they can. And we're going to spend the next 30 minutes murdering all common sense and logic by telling you how.

Now, maybe I've been getting my Trey Wingo fix at all the wrong times, and maybe all of the simpering Schlereths, concussed Hoges, and blathering Baylesses have been giving the Patriots the proper respect.

Surely at some point perhaps they mentioned the record point total and the record point differential as signs of the Patriots' historically unmatched dominance. Surely they gave them their due for beating just about every legitimate heavyweight challenger along the way, having decked Indy and Dallas on the road, and knocked out San Diego at home. (If only they got to knock around that phony Favre, too.)

Yes, surely they mentioned that at this particular moment in time, the New England Patriots are blessed to take the field with, arguably, the best coach, the best quarterback, and the best wide receiver in the history of the league. Surely they mentioned that the Patriots have a greater depth of talent than any team has a right to in the salary cap era. Surely they mentioned these things while I was looking away. (And don't call me Shirley.)

But I have not heard them say these things, at least not nearly often enough given their significance in foretelling what might happen tonight, and because of that I can come to only the obvious conclusion: The vast majority of football pundits - and, I assume, fans who don't have an allegiance - would like nothing better than for the Patriots to follow up their unbeaten regular season with a winless postseason.

And to that I say this: I will remember to shed a tear for all of the poor, clueless souls who rooted and bet against the Patriots after they walk off the Gillette Stadium turf with another convincing victory over another talented, hopelessly overmatched opponent tonight. No, wait, check that: I'll be honest here. I won't feel their pain. Not an ounce of it. I'll smirk, smugly celebrate, and make Massholish sarcastic remarks, just like I'm doing now. What can I say, the Patriots' us-against-the-world attitude seems to be rubbing off on their fanbase. (Look, I'm even exaggerating perceived sleights, just like they do! Go Pats!)

Now, in all seriousness, I don't mean to suggest the Jaguars aren't worthy of respect, at least in certain aspects. The running backs, as I'm sure you have heard, are outstanding. Maurice Jones-Drew is a relentless dynamo, a Tasmanian Devil in cleats, and I'm sure he will pose a problem for the Pats' D on some level. And I'm a longtime fan of his running mate in the Jags' backfield, Fred Taylor. There was a time not so long ago when I thought he was the most complete runner in the NFL, a devastating combination of power and elusiveness, and he deserves endless credit for efficiently chugging along a decade into a career that often seemed like it would be cut short by injuries.

There are other characters and characteristics to admire. Quarterback David Garrard is bright and efficient. The defense is tough and mean. And as Football Outsiders whiz Aaron Schatz pointed out, their offense was actually superior to the Patriots' over the last half of the season. So, yes, I agree with the TV hairdos, bloviators, and Ordways - this is not a team to be taken lightly, even if Del Rio is playing Candy Land to Bill Belichick's chess.

But that's the point, dummy. The Patriots won't take them lightly. This team has been on a vengeful mission since a few hours after Mangini's goons confiscated that freakin' camera. They want to shut up the '72 Dolphins once and for all. They want their critics to shove their snarky asterisks where they will never see daylight again. They wanted 16-0, and you know they can taste 19-0. They want to be regarded as the greatest team in league history, dammit, and they are too talented, too well-prepared, and too motivated to allow the freakin' Jacksonville Jaguars to prevent them for fulfilling their mission.

This is how it's gonna be: Brady finds Moss for a pair of early scores, Garrard becomes uncharacteristically careless with the ball when he has to play from behind, and the Pats beat a good team in convincing fashion . . . again. Patriots 34, Jaguars 13.

Bring on Peyton and the Ponies, the only legitimate threat to that zero in the loss column. But you knew that all along, didn't you?

Three and out

Three quick digressions while wishing Brian Billick a happy new year . . .

1. This season puts to rest any latte-brained notion by the likes of Peter King that Randy Moss is anything but a shoo-in for the Hall of Fame. Even with his past transgressions considered - yes, we know it's not very nice to consider turning a meter maid into a speed bump, as tempting as it may be - Moss's rightful place among the game's legends is officially unassailable, even by the cynics who determine who will be enshrined in Canton. Hell, as unappealing as I found Moss until he brought his ungodly talent and odd charisma to my favorite team (funny how that works), I thought his Hall of Fame case was made long ago, for this reason: He has made the careers of more barely competent people than any player in the history of the league. He's the reason Billick was able to dupe people into believing he was an offensive mastermind, when in truth he couldn't pick a quarterback out of a lineup of Mannings. He's the reason unreliable Randall Cunningham enjoyed an improbable late-career renaissance. He's the reason sniveling Jeff George briefly looked like a quarterback a team could win with. He's the reason we thought Daunte Culpepper was a versatile and talented passer rather than just a clueless chucker. Now, not even Moss could make Aaron Brooks and Art Shell look competent, but I don't have to tell you that he his role in Tom Brady's record-shattering season - and the potentially unprecedented success of this 16-0 football team - cannot be exaggerated. Moss might be complicated and moody and many other things, but there's no deny his track record: he's one of the single most valuable players in the recent history of the league. Just ask those who owe their careers to his talent.

2. Okay, got a ridiculous hypothetical for you. Say the NFL disbanded all of its teams and started fresh, throwing all of its players, coaches, general managers, cheerleaders, and so on into one massive dispersal draft. (Hey, I told you it was ridiculous.) My question: Who do you think the first pick from the league's entire pool of talent would be? Peyton Manning? Tom Brady? Adrian Peterson? Kyle Orton? Or would it not be a player, but a certain coach? To put it another way: Is Bill Belichick the single most valuable person in the National Football League? I have to say, the more I consider this, the more convinced I become that choosing him to run your franchise would be a much wiser selection than taking any one superstar player in the league, the two franchise quarterbacks included.

3. Finally, an overdue tip of the ol' leather helmet to our favorite football curmudgeon, Sports Illustrated's Dr. Z. When he's not telling us how football was better in his day, swigging Metamucil by the gallon, or yelling at those %*&$& kids to get off his lawn, he remains an astute football analyst. We made a mental note at midseason season when he insisted that the Patriots' Logan Mankins, largely anonymous outside of Foxborough at the time, was playing better than any guard in the league, Minnesota's Steve Hutchinson included. Now that Mankins is getting his due as an elite lineman, with his first Pro Bowl bid, we figure we should give credit where credit is due. Dr. Z saw it before anyone else. (And for the record, I still don't believe Mel Kiper knew who Mankins was on draft day '05. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he does now.)

* * *

Programming note: Be sure to check in Wednesday, when we'll have a silly little photographic quiz posted that will test your acumen as a Pats fan. Heck, I'll even give you a hint - at least one correct answer will be "Horace Ivory." Because honestly, what good is a Pats quiz without a cat named Horace? No good, that's what.

First and 10: Perfection

1. So there you have it: 16-0. History. Perfection. The impossible as reality. The 2007 New England Patriots are the single greatest team in NFL history . . . during the regular season. You, me, and a certain gridiron genius in a gray hoodie realize that this team's true legacy will be determined in the next three games. The Patriots will either go down as the best team ever in professional football . . . or the best team in professional football that didn't win the Super Bowl. The difference there is bigger than Vince Wilfork's backside. But there are two weeks before that next football game, two weeks before the first chapter in Three Games To Glory, Vol. 4 is recorded, and right now is the time to savor what this impossibly brilliant team has accomplished up to this point. We'll begin with all the glittering numbers - Tom Brady's 50 touchdown passes, Randy Moss's 23 touchdown catches, the league records for points (589 . . . 589!) and touchdowns (75) - but you know what makes these Patriots truly special, and perhaps unique in the annals of professional football? An uncanny knack for always - always, always, always - making the play they need to make at the moment they need to make it; just ask the Colts, or the Ravens, or the Eagles, or the oh-so-close Giants tonight. I do not need to tell you that so much of that magic in the clutch is because of the unflappable quarterback, and while I feel obligated to attempt to say something profound about Brady right now, I'm struggling mightily to find the words to do justice to what he has accomplished so far this season. Brady finished 32 for 42 for 356 yards and two touchdowns tonight against a Giants team that made him earn every single yard (so much for resting their players). And yet, even as the Patriots fell behind by their largest deficit of the season, 12 points, there was little doubt that No. 12 would make sure his team would emerge with the victory. The best I can offer is that Brady - whom I considered on par with Joe Montana as the finest quarterback of all time even before this year's statistical explosion - has become one of those elite athletes, like Montana, Michael Jordan, Bill Russell and so very few others - who can be properly described as transcendent. With three more victories, the same term will apply to his team.

2. The Giants have a well-deserved reputation as one of the most maddening teams in the NFL - one week they can look like a legitimate contender in the NFC, and the next week they'll look as hapless as the '76 Buccaneers. That said, my respect for them grew considerably tonight. Their defense came to play, outhitting the Patriots in the first half and landing good, clean shots on Prince Charles all night, and I was also impressed with running back Brandon Jacobs, whose relentless style caused the Patriots to miss countless tackles, especially in the brutally physical first half. (He left tire tracks on Rodney Harrison on more than one occasion.) And while I'm reluctant to praise the Lesser of the Mannings given that the Patriots have had their problems with the inept likes of Kyle Boller and A.J. Feeley lately, I must admit that Eli showed me something tonight. I'm not saying he'll ever escape his brother's shadow, and he may never justify being the No. 1 overall pick, but he played well enough to put up 28 offensive points on a 15-0 team tonight, and for that he deserves credit. Besides, he's not nearly as sorry as Philip Rivers, the all-talk, no-action QB he was, in effect, traded for. Of course, now that we praise them, they'll go and lose to Tampa Bay by two touchdowns next weekend. There's a reason Tom Coughlin looks so tense.

3. I was surprised to see on the stat sheet that Laurence Maroney finished with just 46 yards on 19 carries. Maybe his performance was exaggerated in my mind by the two rushing touchdowns, including the clincher in the final minutes, but I was very impressed with him tonight, and during the last couple of games, really. He's been running violently, and with perhaps as much determination as he has since the beginning of his rookie season, and while I think some of the criticism he has absorbed this season comes from people who always need something to complain about, I am convinced that someone - a coach, a teammate, one of the dudes with a musket - got to him recently and convinced him that he needs to toughen up and bring his game to the next level if this team is going to win a Super Bowl.

4. Brady's double-record-breaking touchdown pass to Moss, a 65-yard bomb with a little more than 11 minutes remaining, was just as aesthetically pleasing as we dared imagine it would be, and that it was the go-ahead score seemed appropriate. There are, of course, certain other on-field matters to be settled before we even begin to consider who will be back with this team next season and who won't be, but I have to say right now that it's absolutely imperative that the Patriots bring Moss back next year even with the higher sticker price. After watching him, I've been completely spoiled, and no other receiver can possibly compare. The circus can't leave town just yet, you know?

5. He might not be the single toughest Patriots pound-for-pound - at the moment, I think that title must go to one Wesley Welker, who finishes the regular season with 112 catches, or one for every pound he weighs - but is there any Patriots fan who isn't thoroughly impressed by Kevin Faulk right now? In his younger days he used to make you nervous because of his penchant for putting the ball on the ground at the worst times, but at this point in his career, he's become the running back version of Troy Brown, the undersized, underestimated guy who never fails to deliver a huge play when the moment demands it. Tonight he had eight catches for 64 yards, and as usual, a couple of his catch-and-run receptions gained crucial first downs. Faulk's one of those guys, like Brown or Steve Nelson or Steve Grogan or Willie McGinest, who we'll remember with increasing fondness as the years pass.

6. I'm sure we'll hear the usual vaguely insulting words associated with Bill Belichick over the next few days and weeks - humorless, bland, dour, frumpy, stoic, emotionless, unsentimental, cold, and so on - but the man sure looked pretty damn happy to me as he embraced his players as the clock wound down on history. I've said it before and I'll say it again: That Belichick is reluctant to share his human side with the media does not detract from the reality, which is this: He's might be the most compelling person in the entire league, he has more players and coaches who are immensely loyal to him than any coach I can think of with the possible exception of Bill Parcells, and to pigeonhole him as some sort of android just because he is uncooperative or wary is the act of someone who would rather settle for a cliche than put the effort in to find the complicated truth.

7. Know who led the Patriots in tackles tonight? Harrison? Always a good guess, but No. 37 (who was particularly, um, "animated" tonight) was second with six stops. Mike Vrabel? Again a good guess, but he had just two (and one huge onsides kick recovery). Ellis Hobbs? A good sleeper pick, for he always seems to be hauling down a receiver after a reception, but he also had six tackles, five solo. Ready for the answer? Brandon Meriweather, with seven, six solo. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what that means - does Belichick trust him more in the base defense now than he did a few weeks ago, or were his stats enhanced by playing special teams? - but it's certainly encouraging that this year's first-round pick suddenly is showing signs that he will live up to his advance billing, and it couldn't happen at a better time. The more playmakers the Patriots have, the better, especially against the looming Colts.

8. I'm not saying I'm shocked that Giants punter Jeff Feagles is still employed in the NFL, but it fairly amazing that this is the same guy who impressed few while averaging a measly 38.3 yards per kick for the 1988 Patriots. Being a punter is a nice and lucrative life if you can get it. (Somewhere, Sean Landeta nods in agreement.)

9. I'm just going to assume that the new and alarming holes in the usually stellar kick coverage team were due to the absence of special teams aces Willie Andrews and Kyle Eckel, and that it's something Brad Seely will have properly repaired by the time the Patriots take the field again. (And that concludes tonight's B**** About Something Minor Minute. Thank you for joining us, and please visit us again in two weeks when we attempt to urinate on another parade.)

10. As for today's Completely Random Football Card:



You know, I was all set revel in the fact that it's finally time for the ubiquitous Mr. Morris to shut up and go home, but after hearing his hilariously oblivious humiliation of Fred Smerlas and Steve DeOssie on WEEI this week ("Did you guys ever play football? Didya?"), the crazy old Dolphin is all right in my book. Don Shula, however . . . now there's someone who can just shut up and go home.

Tito, get me a tissue

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .


1. It's reassuring that the Red Sox took care of their most personnel business early in the offseason, signing Mike Lowell and Curt Schilling to reasonable, fair deals, and all but ensuring that next year's team will look a whole lot like the one that ended this season so triumphantly. But there is still one more matter that needs to be resolved in the next few weeks for this offseason to be considered a complete success: Theo Epstein must give Terry Francona, who has one year remaining on his contract, the lucrative extension he deserves. You know how I feel about Francona, and I trust those of you with clear eyes and at least a dollop of common sense feel the same: He's is the best Red Sox manager of this and perhaps any era. There is no one else I would rather have running this baseball team, and he deserves to be at the top of the managerial pay scale. I have little reason to believe this is the case right now, but if Theo and his underlings somehow actually subscribe to the Billy Beane theory that the importance of a manager is vastly overrated, then they are making a grievous, inexcusable error. Francona is necessary. They'd better realize as much.

2. Someone with an appreciation and knowledge of defensive line play, answer me this: Is Richard Seymour doing the kinds of things that don't show up on the stat sheet - commanding a double team, collapsing the pocket, making life easier for the linebackers, etc. - or is he, as the stat sheet suggests, doing nothing at all? Because right now, I'm beginning to think it's the latter, and I'm wondering what became of the game-altering beast who wreaked such havoc a few seasons ago.

3. Dr. Charles Steinberg, the Red Sox' Vice President of Schmaltz who is leaving the Red Sox for the Dodgers, always struck me as the Smithers to Larry Lucchino's Mr. Burns, and I have to assume he's to blame for such insidious adominations as the Red Sox Nation Presidency and that trainwreck dating show on NESN. Yet when Steinberg got it right, he really got it right, most notably regarding the pitch-perfect 2004 ring ceremony, and I suppose the fact that the Sox are more popular than ever has at least something to do with his marketing savvy. I won't miss him, but then, as a lifelong and eternally loyal Sox fan, I'm not who he was trying to appeal to anyway.

4. TATB's two favorite Celtics moments from the past week: 1) Ray Allen's improbable, delightful buzzer-beater at Charlotte, which happened only after Paul Pierce had the presence of mind to feed him the ball rather than heave up an ill-advised attempt of his own. Hey, he's learning. 2) Rajon Rondo's behind-the-back fake that deked Derek Fisher out of his tube socks, an impossibly athletic move that Rondo finished off with a layup. Eddie House was so pumped and jacked after Rondo's highlight-reel move that he comically ran onto the court and whacked him with a towel as play continued. Man, this is a fun team.

5. You know your perspective as a Red Sox fan has undergone a healthy change when you hear reports that the Yankees are in trade discussions with the Twins for ace Johan Santana, and your initial reaction is something along the lines of this: Huh. I guess we'll just have to keep Buchholz and Ellsbury then. Seriously, it's a refreshingly satisfying feeling to know that the Yankees are chasing the Sox now, and in order to get the 28-year-old two-time Cy Young winner, they'll have to give up some of that quality youth (hopefully Philip Hughes and Robinson Cano) that their ancient, thin roster so desperately needs.

6. I still don't think I was wrong in assuming the discovery of a 10-pound hairball in a person's stomach had something to do with Fred Smerlas.

7. Ideally, they'd both be back next season, and I'd say right now there's decent chance they both will be. But I'll ask the question anyway: If the Patriots can retain only one marquee-free-agent-to-be, who would you prefer it to be? Randy Moss or Asante Samuel? Discuss.

8. I think Bill Belichick is much more sentimental than his dour public persona would suggest - he's given Doug Flutie and Vinny Testaverde their moments in the sun in recent seasons for no reason other than it was a nice, respectful gesture to a couple of old pros - and it's going to be fascinating to see if his obvious admiration for Troy Brown affects the decision to add him to the active roster or not. I hate to say it, but at the moment, there just doesn't seem to be a spot for ol' No. 80 on the offensive side of the ball, especially with Jabar Gaffney being so dependable as a fourth receiver and Kelley Washington such a force on special teams. Though, come to think of it, the way things are going with the DBs lately, maybe Brown will be playing nickel back for this team by December.


9. It won't happen this year, but Tim Raines, one of the notable newbies on the 2008 Hall of Fame ballot revealed yesterday, deserves a plaque in Cooperstown. The man they called "Rock" didn't get his due for a couple of reasons: he played in the same era as the transcendent Rickey Henderson, he spent his finest seasons in the distant outpost of Montreal, and he was tarnished by a drug problem early in his career. But Raines was one of the most dynamic, efficient, and underrated offensive performers of the '80s, and he was a superior player to, among other Hall of Famers, Lou Brock. (Go ahead: look it up. Or better yet, read this.) Like I said, it will never happen on the first ballot, but I do hope one of these years, Raines gets his just reward. And his ex-teammate and mentor Andre Dawson belongs there with him.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



Anytime an ex-Maine Guide/recovering coke head writes a book, you know I'm readin'.

TATB Live: Patriots 31, Eagles 28

While watching one of today's junior varsity games a few hours ago - the Chargers-Ravens, I think it was - the color commentator opined with a certain level of confidence and a high level of ignorance that no one will beat the Patriots this season, but that the Patriots "will beat themselves," his point being that they will suffer a mental letdown one of these Sundays, and that's when they will lose.

I'm not sure who said commentator was, but he clearly suffered multiple concussions at some point in his career. The 2007 Patriots will never lack for motivation. Because of the over-the-top fallout from the CameraGate nonsense, this is the most vengeful, focused, angry, motivated, downright pissed off football team you, me, and any other football-watcher is possession of a shred of common sense has ever seen.

They may lose somewhere along the road, though at the moment I tend to doubt it. But should it happen, it won't be because they beat themselves. And it sure as hell won't be tonight against A.J. Feeley and the Philadelphia Eagles.

Let's go for 11-0. Gentlemen, start your engines.

FIRST QUARTER
. . . And as I'm writing that intro/rebuttal, Asante Samuel picks off a Feeley duck and takes it to the house, becoming the 20th Patriot to score a touchdown this season. It's 7-0, New England, and Tom Brady hasn't stepped on the field yet. I believe we can file that one under "Going According To Plan."

Well, I guess I'm going to have to eat at least a few of those words I just wrote. The Eagles just strung together a 14-play, 77-yard drive featuring several quality throws by Feeley and capped off by a one-yard leap into the end zone by fantasy football franchise player Brian Westbrook, knotting the score at 7-7. "You'd have to call that shocking," Al Michaels says, and I think most Patriots fans are nodding in agreement right about now.

The Pats' offense takes the field for the first time tonight with 6:31 to play in the first quarter. Did I mention how impressive that Philly drive was? Dammit, it's only the first quarter, and I'm already exposed as a hypocrite.

Rodney Harrison has already limped off tonight (it didn't look serious, but you never know) and Brady has taken a hellacious hit that you could tell he was feeling. No, the karma definitely is not good thus far.

The Patriots come out in a hurry-up offense with four wide receivers, including Kevin Faulk lining up wide on at least one play. I'm getting Air Coryell flashbacks, and you know I'm digging it. Someone let me know if you see J.J. Jefferson.

Now that's what you call a goal-line offense: Mike Vrabel at tight end, Junior Seau at fullback in the I Formation, and Heath Evans at tailback. Surprisingly, the play that gives the Pats a 14-7 lead isn't a pass to touchdown-machine Vrabel, but a one-yard blast into the end zone by Evans. All in all, an impressive, effortless answer to the Eagles' drive.

Says John Madden: "You wonder, where is Laurence Maroney?" Actually, I'm not sure it was Madden. It might have been that Frank TV guy for all I know. But it's a valid point. It seems like a long time ago that we were giddy about Maroney's explosiveness and potential. I don't know if he needs to grow up or his nagging injuries are holding him back, but I sense that there are some doubts as to whether he is the back of the future here after all. Heck, he might not be as good as his U of Minnesota runningmate, Dallas's Marion Barber III.

SECOND QUARTER
Maybe it's because I watched so much horrendous quarterback play today - I just cannot believe Kyle Boller and J.P. Losman were ever first-round picks - but Feeley actually looks more than competent, just as he did in 2004 when he was in Miami and the Dolphins upset the Patriots in December. He and Westbrook have the Eagles moving the ball effectively again, and the Patriots' defense looks out of sync and a little bit slow right now.

Junior Seau on Westbrook: "He's one of those three-dimensional players you can't stop, you've just got to try to contain him." Somewhere, Dan Patrick nods in approval.

Well, well, what do we have here . . . a competitive ball game? I'm not ready to say the Patriots are in for a four-quarter battle just yet, but Feeley just connected with Greg Lewis on a dazzling deep ball right out of the Brady/Moss highlight reel - really, Feeley made a perfect throw and Lewis a sensational catch - and it's even at 14. I'll concede this much right now. The Pats aren't going to cover that 24-point spread.

The Eagles are playing like they have nothing to lose, attempting and recovering an onside kick after the TD. "They're taking it to them," Madden says, and there's something disconcerting about that truth. Fortunately, the Eagles go three and out after Feeley stunts the possession by falling for a sack on first down.

Brady has completed four straight passes, three to Moss. It's like Brady and the offense has suddenly switched into "Quit ------ around" mode.

Five straight . . . six straight . . .

The Patriots are moving the ball effectively, but Philly is getting a consistent pass rush off both ends. The Patriots' offensive line has been outstanding all season, but suddenly the tackles are looking a little Max Lane-ish. (You know, I take that back. Matt Light with two peg legs would be more effective tackle than Reggie White's whipping boy.)

I won't say a field goal that gives you a 17-14 lead is a lost opportunity, but with first and goal inside the Philly 10, you'd think the Pats would be able to punch it into the end zone. But Brady gets sacked, Welker can't bust a tackle on third down to get into the end zone, and Gostkowski bangs home the three. That should be Maroney territory, you know.

Feeley is picking apart the Pats' secondary. Jeez, now there's a sentence I didn't think I'd write tonight. But he's doing a great job of getting rid of the ball just before the Patriots' pass rush arrives . . . and dammit, he just did it again, hitting Lewis on a post pattern for the go-ahead score. It's 21-17, Eagles, and the Patriots have shown no indication that they're capable of stopping them. Better hope for some shrewd halftime adjustments, folks, because whatever they're doing right now is not working.

Lewis has as many catches tonight (5) as he had all season coming into the game. In a completely unrelated note, remember when Eugene Wilson looked like a future Pro Bowler? He's inactive tonight despite not being on the injury report at the end of the week. What an inexplicable fall from grace.

The Patriots have allowed scoring drives of 77, 76, and 70 yards tonight. To an offense led by A.J. Feeley. At this point I will note that I've seen more of Eddie Jackson and Rashad Baker tonight than I have Adalius Thomas and Richard Seymour, and I wish that were one of my usual exaggerations.

Despite Lito Sheppard and friends doing a decent job of keeping Moss from getting deep, it appears the Eagles can't stop the Patriots, either. With typical precision, Brady passes the Pats down the field (I don't recall a single running play on the drive, and Maroney, apparently the Gene Wilson of the offense, still has not seen the field tonight), and a strike to Jabar Gaffney gives New England a 24-21 halftime lead that it probably doesn't deserve.

Four quick halftime thoughts, one of which actually has to do with this game:

1. Feeley is playing admirably tonight, but you have to figure the Pats will solve him in the second half. Belichick is a master of adjustments, of course, and you have to figure Feeley really isn't that sharp given that he supposedly ditched US soccer babe Heather Mitts.

2. Costas, Collinsworth, and Olbermann (a hat-trick of look-at-me blowhards) make me long for the days of Brent Musburger, Phyllis George, and Irv Cross. Especially Phyllis George.

3. At this point, Archie Manning has to wondering if Eli is really the milk man's spawn.

4. If Peter King still claims Baltimore has a chance to beat the Patriots, he must be drinking crystal meth lattes these days. That team is excruciating, and Brian Billick owes his career to Moss.

THIRD QUARTER
Not exactly the way you'd draw up the first possession of the second half, with a penalty on the kickoff, a penalty on first down, a near interception, and a sack in which Brady got rattled by Darren Howard. Fortunately, Patriots punter Chris Hanson (who I'm assuming is a part-time employee) launches a bomb from the end zone, and the coverage team keeps the Eagles on their side of the 50. Time to see about those defensive adjustments . . .

. . . and a much-needed three-and-out by the Eagles, with Rosey Colvin, Ellis Hobbs, Thomas, and Seymour swarming Westbrook on third and 2. So far, so good.

How about taking a deep shot with Moss here? He'll strike at some point, right, or does Brady not have the time to let a deep play develop?


Damn, Wes Welker is just fearless over the middle. It is reminiscent of Troy Brown in his prime, except I don't remember ol' No. 80 taking the shots Welker takes. How does he get out of bed on Monday mornings?

Well, there it was - the deep shot for Moss, I mean. Damn near connected, too, except he couldn't quite hang on to what looked like about a 50-yard gain. Give the Eagles' DBs credit - they're not letting him beat them.

Third down . . , Welker . . . first down.

Dude, check it out - a Maroney sighting! He looks good, too, carrying the ball three times on this drive and hitting the holes with decisiveness rather than falling into his maddening Reggie Dupard happy-feet dance in the backfield. Perhaps sitting him out in the first half was all part of the plan rather than anything more sinister.

Wes Welker is just . . . well, he's just one hell of a football player. Taking a little screen pass from a pressured Brady at midfield, he turns upfield, ducks behind a beastly Stephen Neal block, and zips all the way to the Philly 4. He really does do all those Troy Brown things, doesn't he?

Now that is a wasted opportunity, one that will linger in the Patriots' minds should Philly somehow steal this game. On first down, a Moss touchdown was negated by an offensive pass interference call (which, to be honest, could be called on him much more often than it is). Brady, under siege, threw a pass behind Welker at the 5, and on third down he was hurried and underthrew Watson. It's to Stephen Gostkowski's credit that we assume the three points whenever he trots onto the field within reasonable range, but he hooked this one from 32 yards, and what should have been a 10-point lead is stalled at 3.

I'm not convinced Feeley is even an average quarterback - although considering what constitutes a starting QB these days, I might be selling him short - but I will say that he's playing better tonight than I've seen Donovan McNabb play in quite some time. Philly fans can have a quarterback controversy if they want one.

Michaels: "The Patriots find themselves in a dogfight." (Pause.) "Sorry, poor choice of words." And somewhere, a single tear rolls down Michael Vick's cheek as he snuggles his affectionate new roommate Bubba.

Sorry, no time for jokes. Philly is driving again, and as Madden points out, the Patriots are doing a poor job covering the in-cuts of the Eagles' receivers. Philly may well take the lead here, and at the least Gostkowski's lousy kick looms large.

Third and four at the Pats' 8. Huge, huge play. . . gotta be Westbrook, right?

Nope. Ten plays (all passes, Michaels points out) and 78 yards after the drive began, Feeley hits Reggie Brown on - you guessed it - an inside pattern, and the Eagles take a 28-24 lead. I feel like I'm watching a Pete Carroll team right now, with Randall Gay playing the role of Chris Canty.

Sure-handed Kevin Faulk drops a third and 3 pass deep in Pats territory, and this has officially gotten frustrating.

I've never heard of Nick Cole until this moment, but I'm glad I did. The anonymous Eagle, No. 59 in your program, is called for a neutral zone infraction before the punt, giving the Pats a first down. They must take advantage of this. It's imperative the way this game is going heading into the final 15 minutes.

FOURTH QUARTER
Madden says he's suspects that the Eagles are frustrating Moss right now, and that leads to an interesting point: this is a great opportunity for Moss to prove that he can be depended on when things are not going well for his team. Because, let's face it, hanging in there during dire or frustrating circumstances has never been one of his personal attributes.

On fourth and 4 from the Philly 35, the Patriots go for it rather than have Gostkowski attempt a 52-yarder. I like the decision, though the play ultimately had no chance. Takeo Spikes, who has lost about three steps since his Cincy days, nonetheless gets to Brady on a blitz, forcing him to underthrow Moss on a short sideline pattern. And I'll say it again: The Patriots' line, fantastic all season, has been absolutely porous tonight.

Andrea Kremer - who isn't shy about giving Brady the ol' Moonie Eyes - informs us that Colvin (foot) and Gay (back) have gone to the locker room with injuries. Cruel as it sounds, I'd be more concerned if they were actually playing well.

Pats inside the red zone again, thanks to two more huge catches from Welker, including one on third and 9 that extended the drive. I think that gives him 11 tonight. I wonder how Moss likes being the decoy?

Okay, Kool-Aid (check out the ridiculous door on his ride), all is forgiven. Maroney blows through the guts of the Eagles' defense from nine yards out - seriously, it's the best run I can recall him making this season - and the Pats retake the lead, 31-28.

Just under seven minutes left. Philly starts inside the Pats' 10. A championship-caliber defense makes a play right here, doesn't it?

Maybe, but the current version of the Pats' defense doesn't. Feeley hits Lewis for 11 yards on third and 3, and the Eagles wiggle out of a bad situation.


Feeley is killing the Pats over the middle, completing three straight passes for three straight first downs well into New England territory. What the hell is this, a prevent?

God bless you, Asante Samuel. Pay the man, Mr. Kraft. Pay the man!

. . . and after No. 22's second pick of the night, running under a Feeley floater in the end zone like he was the intended receiver (now that's the A.J. Feeley I used to know), the Pats convert on third and 6 on a slant to Gaffney, who has been immense tonight. Philly has just one timeout remaining, so one more first down ends this thing, and we can all exhale.

"Who will cowboy up on Sunday Night Football"? Man, I hope Millar gets royalties for that commercial crap.

Philly gets it back after three Maroney runs take time off the clock, but Feeley, who apparently turned back into a pumpkin around 11:15, hits James Sanders in the numbers with his first pass, and that'll do it. The Patriots are unbeaten. Still.

A parting thought while we wait for the '72 Dolphins to put away the champagne glasses: I guess there are two ways at looking at tonight's developments. First, you have to figure there will be nights like this even if the Pats do ultimately run the table, and it is to the immense credit of Brady (who was outstanding tonight despite taking a beating that would have put Tony Eason in a permanent fetal position) and Wes Welker (13 catches, 149 yards), among others, that they won this game when it so easily could have been lost. Despite tonight's far from perfect performance, I still disagree with that nitwit broadcaster who said the Patriots will eventually beat themselves; they're the last team in the history of football that will beat itself. But that brings us to the other way of looking at this - Philadelphia followed the Colts' approach to attacking this team, and it damn near worked. They pressured Brady constantly, took advantage of the underbelly of the Patriots' pass defense (I wish they had just one more quality linebacker who can run), and had the talent in the defensive backfield to hassle Moss. So I guess the lingering question is this: Is there another team on the schedule who has the personnel, coaching, and discipline to pull off the "blueprint," as Madden called it? I still doubt it, but it certainly adds a little more intrigue to the next five weeks.

Wait! Four more things I forgot to mention:

1. The Patriots had one sack tonight. Feeley did a fantastic job getting rid of the ball quickly, but that's no excuse for Vince Wilfork, Ty Warren, Jarvis Green, and Seymour to be invisible against the Philly passing game.

2. I was encouraged by what I saw from Maroney in the second half, and frankly, they are going to need that if this season is going to end with a victory. The Eagles obviously had little respect for the Pats' running game, and while the spread offense was effective in the first half, it's alarming that they had just one carry from a running back in the first 30 minutes.

3. Keeping Brady healthy is obviously the key to, well, everything, and he took way too many bone-rattling shots tonight. This simply cannot happen again.

4. Samuel really must be signed. He's convinced me. He's an elite cornerback, he does the things Ty Law used to do, and the drop-off from him to Hobbs and Gay is like going from Mike Haynes to Elvis Patterson. All right, so that's hyperbole (hey, it's late), but you get the point. He's essential, and he's as big a reason as anyone that they survived tonight.

Notes on a scandal

Leftovers from one of the most bizarre Boston sports weeks I can recall:


The notion that the Patriots were loading up for one last run this season before Bill Belichick departed was little more than a talk-radio fantasy driven by people longing for the day when he is no longer the grand poo-bah here and information flows freely from the locker room again. Think about it: If they Patriots truly stacking the deck for one last hurrah this season, they'd never have rolled over that No. 1 pick to next year, and they likely would have given Asante Samuel every dime he wanted right away. What they're doing is loading up for now and the future, and given that Belichick is apparently under contract through 2013 - and wasn't the timing of that announcement the most telling statement Bob Kraft could have made about how he feels about his coach? - it looks like we can hold off on creating fictional rumors about his departure for another five years or so.

I always respected Jimmy Johnson as a football coach and personnel evaluator (I'm not sure his Dallas teams get their just due in terms of how stacked with top-shelf talent they were), but I never realized he was such a stand-up guy until he said this on the Fox pregame show during Videogate:

"Bill Belichick was wrong because he videotaped signals after a memo was sent out to all of the teams saying not to do it. But what irritates me is hearing some reactions from players and coaches. These players don't know what their coaches are doing. And some of the coaches have selective amnesia because I know for a fact there were various teams doing this. That's why the memo was sent to everybody. That doesn't make him right, but a lot of teams are doing this."

I think that's the closest thing to the straight truth to come out of this whole overblown saga. I can understand other coaches not wanting to implicate themselves when it comes to similar antics (though Jon Gruden came pretty close), but the holier-than-thou tone of best-selling author Tony Dungy and the rampant excuse-making by the incompetent likes of Jack Del Rio certainly gave you some insight into their true character. Oh, and in a semi-related note, Chris Mortensen still hasn't gotten anything right.

So, yeah, about the (gag) Red (gasp) Sox (gack). Let's see, think of something positive here . . . okay, how about this: At least they're not the Mets. Seriously, this willing and apparently inevitable ceding of the American League East to the Yankees has me majorly conflicted. On one hand, I appreciate that Terry Francona and the front office are doing all they can to ensure postseason success, by shutting down the crucial but exhausted Hideki Okajima, by setting up the starting pitching so that Daisuke Matsuzaka and Curt Schilling can get some needed rest, by finding out once and for all if Eric Gagne is capable anything other than devouring the postgame buffet, by letting Coco Crisp, Kevin Youkilis and Manny Ramirez heal rather than running them out there injured in hopes of securing an essentially meaningless division title . . . and yet, on the other hand, it isn't entirely meaningless, now is it? For one thing, should it come down to a Sox-Yankees ALCS, it would be nice to have the home-field advantage for once, particularly since the Sox are a much better-hitting ballclub at Fenway. Also, it would be reassuring to enter the playoffs with some momentum, and while this is hardly important, there's no denying there would be some embarrassment in punting away what was once a 14.5-game lead over the Yankees, even as the wild card makes any comparison to '78 an exercise in melodramatics. The best course of action is a happy medium - rest the regulars while continuing to win games - but I'm not sure a lineup that includes Eric Hinske in a prominent role is capable of holding up its end of the bargain.

I'm an accomplished Manny apologist, and there may not be one player in my 20-something years as a fan that I've enjoyed watching more. But I must admit it: I just don't understand how he can put on awe-inspiring performances in batting practice a few days in a row, yet not be ready for five at-bats in a game. And as much as he runs his team with a "what happens in the clubhouse stays in the clubhouse" philosophy, I'm beginning to think Francona is having as hard a time hiding his exasperation with this as the rest of us.

I hate to say it, but I think the Sox are better off going with J.D. Drew over Jacoby Ellsbury in the postseason. The book is starting to get around on Ellsbury - can't lay off the low inside fastball, expands the strike zone when he's behind in the count - and I fear that when he's facing the top-notch pitchers he'll see in the postseason, he'll look more like the raw kid with fewer than 100 big-league at-bats than the future star who has given Sox fans of a certain age joyful flashbacks to Fred Lynn's 1974 cameo. Plus, he could be a huge asset off the bench with his speed and defensive aptitude. Of course, the alternative is J.D. Drew, so if you want to argue that the Red Sox should take their chances and see if Ellsbury can handle it, I could probably be swayed.

In case you missed it, you simply must check out the comments section on the previous post; let's just say that when it comes to things Yankees fans' dislikes, I apparently now fall somewhere between Curt Schilling and deodorant. Of course, the irony of them blathering about the Yankees' class while using the coarsest language ever to appear on this site is undoubtedly lost on their underutilized skulls. The Yankees are the best team in baseball right now, and heck, yes, I fear their humble, elegant fans will get the last word this year. But I take comfort in the fact that there's roughly a 100 percent chance they will spell that last word wrong.

My apologizes for not pulling together a First-and-10 column on the Pats-Chargers game. You'll recall that was the night they played at 8:15 and the Sox-Yanks started at 8:05, so it was all hands on deck at work, and I forgot to set the DVR. I know, of all the games to miss. (Cue Chris Farley: I'm such an IDIOT!) But from what I did see, this is what left the biggest impression: The off-the-charts chemistry between Tom Brady and Randy Moss. Moss tails his new QB like a puppy dog on the sideline (I'm doubting he did the same to Aaron Brooks), while Brady, who you'd think might own a veteran's I've-seen-it-all attitude at this point in his career, is carrying himself like a kid at Christmas - he gets downright giddy when he talks about Moss. You get the sense that they are having as much fun playing together as we are watching them. Man, how I hope it stays like this.

As for today's Completely Random Football Card:


All I'm saying is that he should grow back the 'stache and white-guy 'fro.

First and 10: Candid Camera Patriots 38, Jets 14

1. If the allegations against the Patriots are true - and I'm assuming you know what I'm talking about here, seeing how ESPN is already comparing Bill Belichick to the cheatin' likes of Gaylord Perry, Ben Johnson, and Rafael Palmeiro - then there's no denying that they deserve some sort of punishment for their shoddy subterfuge. I'd be bummed if Roger Goodell forces them to cough up, say, a fourth-round draft pick next year for their inept attempts to intercept Eric Mangini's sign language, but I have to admit, if it were another team getting busted (and there's no doubt there are other teams that do this; Miami admitted as much after beating the Patriots last year), then I'd be yowling for the commish to throw the book at the cheating expletives. I guess I'm not sure what's more disappointing about all of this - that it's slimy, brazen, unnecessary, and so beneath the Patriots to do such a thing, that suspicious minds are going to claim it taints every victory from here until February, or that it gives an endless amount of ammo to the anti-Patriots element in the national media. It's a story that's not going to go away for a long time, and for that, the Patriots have no one to blame but themselves. (Footnote: This column, by Yahoo!'s excellent Dan Wetzel, is the best take I've read yet.)

2. There was a time, not too many years ago, when I wrote that Deion Branch was a better fit for the Patriots than Randy Moss ever could be. There may be a time, given injury or indifference on the notoriously mercurial Moss's part, when I may believe that again. But right now . . . well, I mean, wow. Just . . . wow. The Patriots have never had anything quite like this before, have they? Nine catches, 184 yards, and the numbers don't do justice to just how dazzling his performance was; this was not the disinterested Raider of the past few years, but the once-in-a-decade receiving talent who made Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, and Daunte Culpepper look like quality NFL quarterbacks. Oh, sure, Moss may have lost a step, as Phil Simms and his stubborn ilk repeatedly bleat, but by my calculations that left Moss a mere two steps quicker than the hopeless, hapless Jets who were trying and failing to triple-cover him Sunday. Put him on the field with shifty Wes Welker, speedy Donte' Stallworth, and the underestimated Jabar Gaffney, and for the first time since forever, the Patriots have the artillery to win a shootout with the Colts. Hey, there's a reason Tom Brady seemed downright giddy after the game, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't solely because Gisele was waiting for him. He's got Randy Moss now, and on the field, that might be the best thing that ever happened to him that didn't involve Mo Lewis.

3. I'll admit, I was surprised how well Asante Samuel played upon entering the game on the second defensive series. It's to his credit that he looked like he'd been there for every snap of training camp - he clearly took his conditioning seriously even in the midst of his contract dispute, and not only was he typically steady in coverage, but there were a couple of circumstances where he reminded us what an uncommonly willing and dependable tackler he is for a cornerback. (Something that was also one of Ty Law's underrated attributes.) You know who else looked good in the defensive backfield? Eugene Wilson. We tend to forget because he's been injured and inconsistent the past two years, but there was a time when he looked like he was going to be a Pro Bowler for years to come. It's going to take some time before that's our perception of him again, but his standout eight-tackle performance Sunday was a positive step in that direction.

4. As for the other big-name new guy, I thought Adalius Thomas was a force even though the stat sheet (one solo tackle, four assists) suggests otherwise. His versatile performance and the way the Patriots seemed to utilize him reminded me of Roman Phifer in his better days, and though Thomas is obviously a superior talent, such a comparison must be taken as a compliment considering how crucial Phifer was in the early days of the dynasty. I'm looking forward to seeing more.


5. Driving back from Boston Sunday night, I heard a parade of morons on WFAN trying to justify why the Meadowlands filled with cheers as Chad Pennington temporarily hobbled off the field with an ankle injury. Let's just say they did little to change my opinion that the Jets have the dumbest and most reprehensible fans in sports. I realize Pennington can't throw a pass beyond 20 yards without it hovering like the Hood blimp, but he's smart, efficient, tough, and prepared, and the Jets have a much better chance of making the postseason with him taking the snaps than they do with some NFL novice like Kellen (No, He's Not My Dad) Clemens. The whole pathetic episode reminded me of why I enjoy it so much when the Patriots give them the pummeling they deserve.

6. Jarvis Green has to be one of the best backups at any position in the NFL. How many other teams do you think he could start for? 20? 25? 30? I know this much: Given all of the rumors floating around about the condition of Richard Seymour's knee, Green's no longer a luxury, but a necessity.


7. I'm not saying Laurence Maroney and Sammy Morris are going to split carries evenly, but I do think fantasy owners who took the Patriots' second-year ballcarrier in the first or second round are going to suffer from buyer's remorse by season's end. Despite his maddening Savion Glover routine when a hole doesn't open up immediately, Maroney is a fantastic talent with a bright future, and he will be a crucial element of their offense this season. But it's clear the Patriots are going to try and limit the wear on his tires, and the ferocious Morris provides a more-than-capable complement to the starter. Maroney ran for 72 yards on 20 carries Sunday, while Morris had 11 carries for 54 yards; I think that's a reasonable representation of the workload and production we can expect from both of them on an average Sunday this season.

8. It's tempting to call Kevin Everett's astounding turn for the better a miracle, and maybe in some sense it is. But more than anything, it's a tribute to the marvels of modern medicine. I can't be the only one who, upon hearing the wonderful news that Everett will someday walk out of the hospital, wondered how things might have been different for Darryl Stingley 29 years ago if we had the medical knowledge then that we have now.

9. Other random NFL notes: I still think Romeo Crennel is an excellent football coach, but he hasn't done a single thing in Cleveland to support that point of view; the Browns are such a mess, I'm beginning to think Al Davis might be their owner. I wonder whose defensive coordinator Crennel will be in '08 . . . I can't think of a week in recent NFL history that had more carnage. The Rams lost star tackle Orlando Pace for the year, the lesser of the Mannings hurt his shoulder, Redskins tackle Jon Jansen suffered the second-most gruesome leg injury in franchise history, Ray Lewis tore a triceps (presumably while doing his ridiculous pregame dance), Buffalo lost fine young safety Ko Simpson along with Jason Webster and Coy Wire, and the list goes on. One of the blessings of the Patriots' victory is that they got through it more or less unscathed . . . Seriously, is Ed Hochuli for real? The guy's 57 years old, and to his credit, he looks like he spent the offseason hanging out with Rodney Harrison's pharmacist. I'm pretty sure he out-preened T.O. during the Cowboys/Giants game Sunday night . . . I was regretting not spending a higher fantasy draft pick on Minnesota's Adrian Peterson before Chester Taylor hurt his hip. That kid is a superstar-in-waiting, and running behind Matt Birk, Steve Hutchinson, and Bryant McKinnie, I'll take the over on him eclipsing 1,200 yards as a rookie . . . It's the Colts and Pats, and then there's everyone else. The Chargers? Not this year. Norv Turner is going to make Marty Schottenheimer look like Bill Walsh.

10. As for today's Completely Random Football Card:


Andy Gresh, that shrill, bowl-cut bozo on the WBCN Patriots postgame show, said with his usual blindly ignorant confidence that Randy Moss is going to break Stanley the Steamer's franchise record for yards per catch. I suppose such a statement isn't too over the top, though Gresh a) seemed completely unaware that Morgan averaged an amazing 19.2 yards per catch in his 14 NFL seasons (and was over 22.0 in four consecutive seasons), and b) that Moss, in catching nine passes for 184 yards, actually averaged over 20 yards per catch Sunday, not the "17 or 18" that 'BCN's resident math whiz estimated. By the way, have I mentioned how sad it is that the Sheppard/Smerlas/DeOssie Hat Trick of Meatheads actually offers the superior Patriots analysis?

(Footnote: If you prefer baseball talk at TATB, here's our quickie column from today's Red Sox GameDay on Dice-K and his Wasdinesque struggles. Thanks for checking it out.)

Nine innings 08.04.07

Playing nine innings (multi-sport edition) while feeling bad about ripping on J.D. Drew now that we know what he's going through . . .





1. Yup, apparently I'm making Kevin Garnett photo collages now. I guess it's still just surreal that perhaps the most likable NBA superstar of the last decade is on the Celtics, and I'm still savoring the whole thing, four days after the trade. It's funny, I've been trying to explain how significant this is to the lapsed Celtics fans I know, and I just keep coming back to the same point: Kevin Garnett will restore Celtic Pride. I guarantee it. He is the perfect player in the perfect place at the perfect time. He's a superstar who plays with the hunger and desperation of a 12th man. He's maniacal about winning. He's selfless, sometimes to a fault, though with Paul Pierce and Ray Allen as his wingmen, he won't always be counted on to take the last shot. He's a genuine leader who gets bonus points for once socking Wally Szczerbiak. His charisma, as those only vaguely familiar with him learned at his introductory press conference, is off the charts. He will thrive in the Boston sports atmosphere, and the city is going to adore him. There's nothing not to like about this deal, for the Celtics matter now, and if it took trading five players (including the admirable Al Jefferson and Ryan Gomes) and two draft picks to make that happen, I say it was a bargain price to pay. Of course there's no way the Celtics should be getting 9-1 odds to win the championship, and of course they need to build some semblance of a bench before they can even be considered a contender. But you've heard the the buzzword we've been throwing around the last few days - "relevance" - and no matter whether Danny Ainge's plan to restore the franchise was by luck or design, he has made the Celtics relevant by bringing Garnett to Boston. I simply cannot wait for opening night. When was the last time any of us said that?

2. I'm not saying this Barry Bonds "chase" is dragging, but by the time he gets to 756, his ubiquitous daughter is going to be married with a family of her own, Greg Anderson will have escaped from Alcatraz or wherever he's rotting away with his misplaced loyalty, and Bud Selig and his snap-on toupee will have long since gone to the great used-car lot in the sky.

3. Assuming Randy Moss's hamstring is okay - and wouldn't that be a bummer to you, me, and Mr. Brady if this thing lingers into the season? - here's how I rate the Patriots' bounty of receivers. 1. Moss (He's still got it.) 2. Wes Welker (He's already on the same page as Brady, who raves about him.) 3. Jabar Gaffney (Smart, and the longer he is here, the better he gets.) 4. Donte Stallworth (An injury-prone tease.) 5. Troy Brown (They wouldn't have brought him back if there wasn't a guaranteed place for him . . . right?) 6. Reche Caldwell (Stop staring at me!) 7. Kelley Washington (Too skilled not to catch on elsewhere). 8. Chad Jackson (Take the year off, kid, and learn the playbook.)

4. Eddie House is the definition of an NBA vagabond, but he's going to be a popular player with the Celtics. He can shoot it (and as a Garbage Time All-Star, he's not shy about doing so), and as anyone who read ":07 Seconds Or Less," Jack McCallum's excellent book on the '05-'06 Phoenix Suns, can attest, he's a clubhouse comedian, armed with countless hilarious anecdotes and one-liners. He'll be a good fit here, and I bet he's an honorary member of Garnett's legendary posse in no time.

5.Just when you thought the pink hat-pandering Red Sox couldn't get more crass, you discover they are selling autographed Jon Lester "Survivor" baseballs on Red Sox.com - and donating only 10 percent of the profits to the Jimmy Fund. Shouldn't, say, 100 percent of the profits go to the franchise's signature charity? I hope there is a genuinely philanthropic reason for this, but right now it sure looks like an shameful money grab by the Sox marketing minions, and one that takes advantage of Lester's status as an inspiration.

6. Watching a droopy-faced Roger Clemens lumber off the mound in the second inning Thursday to a chorus of Bronx cheers, I had two thoughts: 1) Thanks goodness he's finally in the twilight of his career there and not here, and, 2) Of all the dramatic things you've evah seen, Suzyn, where does this rank?

7. I'll admit I'm hooked on "The Bronx Is Burning," not that I think it's any good. Oliver Platt's portrayal of George Steinbrenner is way too cartoonish (yes, that's possible), the emphasis on the Yankees' clubhouse drama relegates the fascinating Son of Sam and NYC blackout subplots to haphazardly tacked-on footnotes, and the actor playing Reggie Jackson really looks like Jackie Chiles in an Afro wig. At least the guy playing Thurman Munson is a ringer for the aeronautically challenged Yankees captain (ouch . . . too soon?), though his portrayal fails to capture Munson's chronic grumpiness. It's a fun, mindless diversion, I suppose, especially for a child of the '70s, but more than anything it's made me want to read Jonathan Mahler's well-regarded book.

8. In my typically ham-handed way of begging you to read this week's Fox column, I've got a hypothetical for you. Say the Twins make Johan Santana, a free agent after '08 who recently voiced his frustration with the front office, available in a deal this offseason. Put on your gorilla suit and pretend you're Theo Epstein for a moment, then ask yourself this: What would you offer Terry Ryan in exchange for the two-time Cy Young Award winner? Obviously, the bidding starts with Clay Buchholz. But who else is in the package? Jon Lester? Justin Masterson? Jacoby Ellsbury? Buchholz, Lester, Masterson, and Ellsbury? What do you think it would take . . . and what would you do? Discuss.

9. Today's completely random baseball card:


This one's a hat tip to TATB writing binky Joe Posnanski, who reminded me with this piece why I fell for baseball 29 years ago, and why it's still such a part of me despite my working in a profession that turns fans into cynics.

Fade to black

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free throwaway lines for you . . .

1. The Red Sox lineup tonight had better have Kevin Youkilis and/or Dustin Pedroia at the top, and Coco Crisp-Tinsley and Julio Yugo at the bottom. I realize that Tito Francona stands by his players and gives them every opportunity to swing their way out of slumps, and sometimes, such as in the case of Pedroia earlier this season, that's an attribute. But for both Crisp and Lugo, this is no longer a slump; they've both been wretched offensive players for over a full season now, and their inability to get on base ahead of Papi and Manny is murdering the Sox offense. It's time for a shakeup, hopefully starting tonight.

2. If the Celtics hang on to the No. 5 pick, I vote for choosing Florida's Corey Brewer. I don't think he'll be a superstar, but he is adept at just about everything a player can do on a basketball court, and he strikes me as one of those guys who's going to be a key component on a winning team, sort of like Josh Howard in Dallas.

3. Remember when ESPN Classic actually showed, you know, classic sports? Now it's a drab mishmash of poker reruns, bowling, and Stump the Schwab marathons, with an occasional game mixed in, usually one that promotes something on the network that night. Back when you could click it on and randomly catch, say, the '86 NBA Finals highlight film, or a This Week In Baseball from the '70s, or the Kellen Winslow Chargers/Dolphins playoff game, I was gleefully addicted. Now, it might as well be the 24-Hour Rosie O'Donnell Network for all that I watch it. Chalk it ups as another great idea slaughtered by ESPN's marketing suits.

4. I'll always appreciate Mike Timlin for what he meant to the Sox in 2003 and '04, but it's gotten to the point where I dread even seeing him warming up in the bullpen during a close game. I appreciate Francona more than any other Sox manager of my lifetime, but his current blindspot for Timlin drives me nuts; why can't he realize he's no longer the pitcher who was so effective in the eighth inning a couple of seasons ago, and refrain from using him in tight situations? Wasn't he paying attention last August?

5. The national media, almost unanimously from what I can tell, came away from Patriots minicamp raving about Randy Moss. Certain members of the local press are predictably yowling that he was dogging it. So excuse me while I give Peter King credence for once.

6. A few posts ago I linked to a Bo Jackson column written by the great Kansas City Star columnist, Joe Posnanski. I should also have mentioned then that he maintains perhaps the most interesting and certainly the most well-written baseball blog you'll find. Ostensibly it's to promote his book on the legendary Buck O'Neil, but Posnanski veers off in various fun directions all the time, such as his recent post on the icons for every major-league franchise. It's become a must-read for me, so check it out if you get the chance. If you liked his Bo column, you won't be disappointed.

7. I suppose this could work in a Frasier-spinning-off-from-Cheers sort of way, but man, I just can't imagine the antics at Dunder-Mifflin being as funny without Dwight K. Schrute.

8. After watching the brilliant "Sopranos" ending 25 times on YouTube (before HBO yanked it for copyright reasons, apparently), I agree with the theory that Tony got capped in the restaurant. I just can't help but think the conversation earlier in the season between Tony and Bobby in which Bobby ponders what it's like to get whacked and finally concludes, "Maybe everything just goes black" was David Chase's way of foreshadowing the show's (and Tony's) final moments.

9. The hunch here is that Asante Samuel will sign the week before the season opener. It's understandable that he's frustrated that he can't cash in Nate Clements-style, but he's still due to make nearly $8 million this season, which is about $7 million more than he's made in his career up until this point. He'd be a fool to waste a pretty decent payday and a season of his prime in a hissy-fit of a holdout.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:



This is most blatant airbrushing job I've ever seen . . . that is, until Amanda Beard.

'The Moss of old is back.'

Since I'm struggling to wrap my head around the notion of Randy Moss as a Patriot (I can't stand him! . . . But I love it!!), here are a few semi-coherent thoughts while relishing a damn fun weekend for a New England sports fan . . .

• First off, here's what I wrote about Moss back in October, when the rumors that he could be coming to Foxborough began swirling:

"Something tells me Tom Brady would punt Reche Caldwell to the curb and sign off on this in a heartbeat. Me, I'm intrigued . . . but wary. It's one of those rumors that as a fan, you get excited about even though common sense suggests you probably shouldn't. We all know Moss, for all of his talent, is a complete and total mutt. Those lobbying for the Patriots to deal for him will remind us that Corey Dillon was a malcontent in Cincinnati who has been a model teammate in New England (just ask Laurence Maroney), but Dillon's frustrations with Cincinnati primarily stemmed from losing. Moss strikes me as a player who couldn't give a damn about his team's place in the standings, and I know I'm not the only one who spent words the last few seasons telling people I'd rather have Deion Branch and David Givens catching passes (and blocking . . . and playing selflessly . . .) for my favorite football team than someone like Moss, or Terrell Owens, or any other members of the Insane Receiver Posse. I could talk myself into being excited about Moss becoming a Patriot. But it would take something the player himself too often lacks: effort."

Sixth months later, the most talented, enigmatic, downright-pain-in-the-ass receiver outside of Dallas really is a New England Patriot, and while I stand by every word I wrote back then, maybe it's not such an effort to approve of this trade after all. As we discovered during a conference call today in which Moss seemed truly awestruck by his new situation, there are fresh reasons to be optimistic that this might be a case of getting the right player at the right time. Moss said all the right things about his admiration for the Patriot Way, his respect for Brady, and his hunger to win a championship at this point in his career, and his nod to Troy Brown by saying he tells people he's the second-best receiver in Marshall University history is a nice start toward endering himself to his doubters. But perhaps the most telling sign that he gets it, that playing for the Patriots is important to him, is that he took a pay cut of approximately $15 million bucks to come here. Talk about putting your money where your mouth is - pro athletes nowadays don't sacrifice that kind of coin unless they are committed to the cause. It's more proof that the Patriots have accomplished Bob Kraft's stated mission: to become like the Niners of '80s, a championship contender every single year and the desired destination for talented veterans who are hungry to win. Further, I suspect that he has already been informed that if he doesn't bust his ass on every route, block when he's supposed to block, and avoid running over too many meter maids with his car, he won't be here long. Bill Belichick has never been afraid to discard a disgruntled player (Terry Glenn, 2001) or admit a mistake (Duane Starks, 2005, whom cost the Patriots more in trade than Moss did), and given the depth of the receiving corps, Moss is luxury rather than an absolute necessity. The Patriots have all the leverage in this partnership - there really is no risk here, unless you're one of those Baby-Ruths-in-the-pool who think he could actually have a divisive impact in a locker room full of veteran leaders capable of putting him hin place. Please. Right now, the Patriots have a giddy, hungry player who, judging by the reported 4.29 in the 40 he ran for Belichick recently, is committed to being the game's most unstoppable receiver again. If he can maintain that commitment through February, just give this team the Lombardi Trophy and get it over with.

• Leave it to Rodney Harrison to sum up the Moss deal without any b.s.: "I've always said, if he comes in, doesn't work hard and acts like a primma donna, it's not going to work. But if he puts the team first and works hard, he has the talent to do special things for us. It comes down to the small things, and buying into what we're all about here."

As Marshall's greatest receiver would say: Bingo.

• It became obvious with their willingness to unload their first-day picks that the Patriots thought the talent level was lacking in this draft. Which, after all the dealing was done, makes the Patriots' final haul from their 2007 draft picks look all the more impressive: Brandon Meriweather, Wes Welker, Randy Moss, San Francisco's first-round pick in 2008, Oakland's third-round pick in 2008 and a bunch of second-day picks. If my two favorite draftniks - Mel Kiper Jr. and WEEI draft maven Larry Johnson - don't give them an A+ for what they accomplished, then they aren't paying attention as much as they pretend to be.

• If you caught 'EEI's very special draft coverage this weekend, I'm guessing you realized I was being, well, a snarky dinkus regarding that LJ/draftnik line. From what I heard during my commute to Carl Everett's favorite newspaper Saturday, their coverage was predictably pathetic, from the mangled names (it's Vince WilFORK, not WilFOLK - geez, you'd think Johnson would know how to pronounce his favorite utensil) to an appaling lack of general knowledge (I'm pretty sure every specific comment they offered on a particular player came word for word from the ESPN Draft Guide) to idiotic opinions (the Patriots should draft Brady Quinn if he was available). It made me wish, once again, that I had the iPod hookup in the car, or that Felger's station had a signal better than a ham radio. What a disgrace.

• Other scattered thoughts from the draft: I cannot believe the Dolphins used the ninth pick for Ted Ginn Jr., an undersized receiver who wouldn't go over the middle if he was driving a Hummer. They trade Welker for a second-round pick, then draft a replacement who very possibly will be less productive in the first round. Brilliant. Something tells me the Pats won't have to worry about the Dolphins for awhile . . . Dallas made a killing by taking advantage of Quinn's slide and dealing the No. 22 overall pick to Cleveland for the Browns' No. 1 next year, which might well be the No. 1 overall. But I can't blame Phil Savage, Romeo Crennel and the Browns for making the swap, either. They're likely goners if Cleveland has another terrible season, so why not trade a pick that they may not be around to make, especially when it brings them a local hero who they probably considered drafting 19 picks earlier . . . I liked the Panthers' draft, getting Miami linebacker Jon Beason at No. 25 (I wonder if the Pats would have taken him at 28 if he was available), then USC receiver Dwayne Jarrett in the second round . . . I ran this by Mrs. TATB while watching ESPN's first-day coverage, and she agrees: Steve Young has more Botox in his forehead than the entire cast of "Desperate Housewives" . . . You say JaMarcus Russell, I say Akili Smith - big arm, questionable work ethic, bad situation. And why is it that Quinn reminds me so much of Joey Harrington, circa 2002? . . . The Giants are the perfect spot for Zak DeOssie: close enough for his old man to see him play (and for one of his former teams, too), and far enough away that we don't have to hear about it all the damn time.

• I don't know who it was who recommended Hideki Okajima to the Sox - I'm guessing it was Craig Shipley - but whoever it was deserves a little extra something in his paycheck. Okajima was almost an afterthought on the Sox' roster entering the season, the other, less talented newbie from Japan. But man, what a revelation he has been. He hasn't given up a run in 11 appearances, he's holding hitters to a .139 average, and most tellingly, he again shut down the Yankees this weekend even though they are now familiar with his stuff, having seen him a couple of times now.

• I've said it before and I'll say it again: Alex Cora is the best utility player the Sox have had in my lifetime. Every time Terry Francona puts him in the lineup, he makes the manager look smart for doing so.

• I still think the Yankees will get it together once their pitching staff returns to health, but I'm beginning to think Joe Torre may not survive the wrath of Georgie Porgie (provided he's not currently pulling a "Weekend at Bernie's" on us) to see that day. And frankly, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Torre receives (and deserves) much of the credit for the Yankees' success before the turn of the century, but judging from what I've seen this season (and in the postseason since 2002), his ineptitude at handling a bullpen puts the Yankees at something of a disadvantage against the game's better managers. I fear that Torre's firing, followed by the hiring of a superior tactician, might be exactly the jump-start the Yankees need.

• I'm with Wally. Sure, it's a great commercial, but the sight of Papi in a Yankees cap is revolting.

• As for today's Completely Random Football Card:



Chris Singleton, No. 55 for the Patriots in 1990, was taken eighth overall in that year's draft, three picks later than the man who wore No. 55 for last season, some dude named Seau. Should we mention that the Patriots could have had Seau 17 years ago, but they traded down to get Singleton and the equally legendary Ray Agnew? (Seriously, where else do you get this kind of minutiae?)

Our new favorite player

Ten free minutes for me, 10 free mysterious gyroballs for you . . .


1. I've been reading Gammons since I was eight years old, and this little anecdote from a recent ESPN.com column might be my favorite line he's ever written. It's from an item on Atlanta's Jeff Francoeur and how the lifelong Sox fan is looking forward to playing in Boston this season:

Talk about a perfect personality for Fenway Park . . . Team USA players like to tell the story of Francoeur confronting Alex Rodriguez during the WBC for trashing a clubhouse kid who brought him the wrong sandwich.

Seriously, how funny is that? You can practically visualize A-Rod lambasting the kid: "Dammit, kid, if I told you once . . . MR. A-ROD DOES NOT EAT TUNA FISH! NOW GO GET MR. A-ROD SOME *%&$*#*#*#&$&& HUMMUS ON FOCACCIA! NOW, SON!"

2. I'm sure Tom Brady finds the thought as intriguing as we do, but I have to believe there's a better chance of Donald Hayes being hired as the offensive coordinator than there is of Randy Moss playing for the Patriots next season. Not only did he set a league record for dogging it last season, but more than a few scouts think his once-supreme talent is in rapid decline due to neglect.

3. Old friend Antoine Walker is shooting a sizzling 39 percent from the free throw line this season for the Heat. Might be time to ask Shaq for some pointers.

4. After 10 spins on ESPN.com's very cool NBA lottery generator, I had the Celtics ending up with Greg Oden twice, Kevin Durant twice . . . and Joakim Freakin' Noah six times. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. If the Celtics end up with bust-to-be Noah, there's a good chance the next time you see me I'll be dangling from the Garden rafters with a noose fashioned out of one of the retired numbers. (Probably LOSCY).

5. So I guess Peter King's assertion that Belichick's role in the sad Ted Johnson saga would prevent veteran players from coming to the Patriots was just one more of his weekly Dumbass Things I Think I Think, right? Adalius Thomas certainly seems to have no qualms about his new coach's personality.

6. Hmmm, I wonder who Peyton is taking to the prom. (Oh, of course: Chesney).

7. I feel really good about this Sox team - like, say, 98+ wins and a memorable playoff run good. But if I had to rank my list of concerns, it would looks something like this: 1) Closer, obviously. Joel Pineiro seems set to play the role of Chad Fox. 2) Mike Lowell's bat. He was fortunate in the first half and feeble in the second. 3) Jason Varitek's health/durability. Because the less Mirabelli, the better. 4) Julio Lugo's glove. Yeah, it's early, but from what I've seen so far, he's going to be a lot closer to Edgar Renteria than Alex Gonzalez defensively.

8. There are no new "The Office" episodes for another month or so, meaning we'll have to get our pathetic fanboy Beesley fix from insightful articles like this one. Rumor has it that a couple TATB readers were in attendance at this thing, though I'm still waiting for them to report back. You don't think they were charged in violation of my restraining order, do you?

9. In his 2007 Handbook, Bill James projects Manny Ramirez to finish his career with 691 home runs. That's 221 more than he has right now, at age 34. Seems a little iffy to me that Manny will average over 30 homers per season from now into his 40s, but I wonder if this means James is pushing the Sox to pick up his option years.

10. As for today's Completely Random Baseball Card:


Say it ain't so, Craig Hansen. Give us a reason to believe you're not the second coming of Wes Gardner.

The weather is here, wish you were beautiful

Quick thoughts (and a couple of links) on a perfect New England autumn day . . .


• Randy Moss to the Patriots? Something tells me Tom Brady would punt Reche Caldwell to the curb and sign off on this in a heartbeat. Me, I'm intrigued . . . but wary. It's one of those rumors that as a fan, you get excited about even though common sense suggests you probably shouldn't. We all know Moss, for all of his talent, is a complete and total mutt. Those lobbying for the Patriots to deal for him will remind us that Corey Dillon was a malcontent in Cincinnati who has been a model teammate in New England (just ask Laurence Maroney), but Dillon's frustrations with Cincinnati primarily stemmed from losing. Moss strikes me as a player who couldn't give a damn about his team's place in the standings, and I know I'm not the only one who spent words the last few seasons telling people I'd rather have Deion Branch and David Givens catching passes (and blocking . . . and playing selflessly . . .) for my favorite football team than someone like Moss, or Terrell Owens, or any other members of the Insane Receiver Posse. I could talk myself into being excited about Moss becoming a Patriot. But it would take something the player himself too often lacks: effort.

• Though I caught only the end of the interview, it was a pleasant surprise to hear Mo Vaughn on WEEI yesterday. For someone who lived so large, he's been laying pretty low since a blown-out elbow, bad wheels and his affinity for bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches conspired to prematurely end his career at age 35. I hope this is an indication that Mo is ready to become a prominent public figure in Boston again. It seems several eons ago now, what with all the Sox drama in recent years, but it actually wasn't even a decade ago that he in many ways was the Red Sox, their anchor in the lineup, the community, and the clubhouse. He was an accountable, affable, humanly flawed slugger, relentlessly dedicated to both the Jimmy Fund and the Foxy Lady. He was Big Papi with a few more demons and less aptitude in the clutch. And his importance as the first African-American player to emerge as the face and the soul of the Red Sox cannot be overstated. Mo, who made roughly $85 million in his career, sounded as if retirement is treating him well, and he says he's in better shape than he was toward the end of his playing days. He sounded happy to be away from the spotlight, but here's hoping he finds a place next to Tom Caron on NESN, or a prominent talk-radio gig, or something to keep Mo in Red Sox fans' consciousness. I shouldn't need a random reminder to remember how much I liked him.

• I can't recommend enough this piece by Lisa Olson (yes, that Lisa Olson) in the New York Daily News on Cory Lidle. I thought it was far and away the best-written and most heartfelt piece I read on the tragedy, and it gave insight into his personality that was lacking in many of the other columns. She also does a remarkably conscientious job of reporting - she assumes the 6-year-old boy is Lidle's son, Christopher, but because she isn't certain, she tells us she isn't certain. Trust me when I say such forthrightness is uncommon. And of course, the spot-on shots at the Yankees' arrogantly impersonal stars (this means you, Captain) are always good for brownie points with us.

• So I'm on my way to do some errands (Errand No. 1: Iced coffee, Dunkin' Donuts) this afternoon with my 2 1/2 year old daughter when the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive" falsettos its way through my speakers. I think little of it . . . until I look in the mirror and, to my delight, catch my daughter grinning and "picking the apple" so perfectly that Travolta surely would shed a tear at the sight of it all. I suppose I must admit at this point that, yes, a few of our retro records were salvaged on Disco Demolition Night, and yes, she may have heard the coke-and-a-smile, decadent-'70s anthem coming out of her daddy's iPod once or twice . . . and yes, her dancin' fool of a father may or may not have been wearing a white polyester jump suit as he taught her the appropriate dance moves. But I've already said too much.

• As for last week's Completely Random Tabloid Cover:


Well, if you really insist.