Emotions Overload

I've had a rough couple of days.  Let me start by saying that I am a people pleaser.  I want everyone to like me.  I get really depressed when someone is unhappy with me or feels I've done them wrong in some way.  I've had a couple of occassions recently that have dragged me down.

One involves my usual judge, lets just say I need to not let her get to me so much.

The other is a co-worker.  Now we've worked together for about 11 years or so now and I considered her to be the closest friend I have other than my hubby and sister.  She purchased a new product for work and I decided to give it a try.  Did I ask her permission? No, she wasn't there and I didn't think it would be that big a deal as I would replace what I used.  Apparently she didn't get that.  She has been rather cool the last week or two and finally decided to talk with me about it.
I should of asked permission, I know that now.  I was wrong in thinking that after all the time we've known each other she would know me well enough to know that I would replace what I used. It hurts to know that she was upset with me, and talked about it with the other girls, but took 2 weeks to say anything to me.
It is frustrating when someone just won't come to you and talk.  Now all the little comments that the other girls made that didn't quite make sense to me  fall into place.  Makes me feel about 1 inch tall.  Another blow to the self esteem that I am trying to hard to build.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not.  Am I human and make mistakes? Yes, but my intention was always good.  Why is it so hard for others to see the real me?

I'm beginning to believe that it just doens't pay to let people close to you, the blindside that comes just hurts my fragile heart too much.

Winter Storm

For one of the first times the weather people got it right...we were to get a big winter storm last night, and we did.

 

Woke up this morning to a good foot of snow on the ground.  Now that's a good few inches more than we got for Christmas, and it's more than I want to see ever again this Winter.

 

I got out and shoveled out a good portion of the driveway, so that maybe my car will see the light of day sometime before March.

 

The boys of course thought it was the best day ever.....yet to be determined.

  

I Wish You Enough....

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye."

bob perks

My Boys

My boys watching UFC

I just love this man

W at bathtime My favorite picture all three hands together

I hope that as life continues to throw things at my growing sons they know their dad is there holding them up and giving support through all the rough and wonderful times that can happen as they go from boys to men. If they are half the men their father is they're doing pretty damn good.

Brotherly Love

D had awards this morning and W was sooooo happy to get to see his big brother at school. He has his backpack and he's ready to go!

D is so excited to show off

his little brother to his

friends.

I have no words to describe

how this picture makes me feel

or this one

Wy just chillin' waiting for the awards to be over.

There are days that I don't think the boys will ever get along and then come days like today. Sitting in the room with their arms around one another and I see hope that they will have a great loving and supportive relationship. I do what I can to nurture it as the sibling bond is one that I personally cherish every day with my sister and I hope my boys will one day share it with each other. Having someone there for you who knows the good and bad and still loves you and accepts you as you are, no questions asked.

It's Mothra!!

I don't even really know who Mothra is but it seemed to fit this guy. We had a Cut-a-thon at work on Saturday to raise money for Hospice House and I was there REALLY REALLY early. As such it was still cool and I found this guy in front of the door. I couldn't resist taking his picture. He was huge! The comb is 7 inches long just to give you an idea of his size. After taking his photo I picked him up by sliding some paper under him and left him in the bushes to warm up and fly home. The Cut-a-thon was a huge success. We raised over 7,000 dollars for Hospice House, and when I left at 4pm we had already done over 170 haircuts and we're going until 8pm. Crazy. No wonder I've been exhausted all weekend. Hope you all had a great one.

Next Thing You Know...It'll Be Prom...

D decided to wear a suit to the funeral...it was supposed to be casual...but knowing my son as I do it was easier to let him wear the suit. It just about killed me to see him all dressed up, he looked so grown up. He turns 9 next week and for the life of me I don't know where the time has gone. He seems more like a little man every day rather than the little boy I want him to stay.

Of course W went casual

(thanks Connie!)

Kiss and hug the little ones...it goes by so damn fast!

My Little Town....

Bryson City probably has a city limit population of about 1800, county wide is larger. We do have more than one stop light (4 ) and the most popular place is by far the GSMR with the tourist trade.

Here's our little train Depot.

this little wagon was outside...

The Chamber "caboose"

Wy likes to climb on it and pretend

he's driving. An old time car...don't know what purpose it

serves, but it's new around here.

Some Hydrangeas I found in town

Next time I'm in town I'll try to get some pics of a few local places....

The Lone Ranger Rides Again!

He apparently stopped for a visit in Bryson City. One of the main attractions of our little town is the Great Smoky Mountain Railway. Trips leave out from our little Depot and head into the Nantahala River area. It's quite popular with the tourist set. As such we have Thomas The Train in town occasionally and at Christmas the Polar Express makes a stop too. Imagine my surprise when Wy and I drove through town today on our picture taking adventure (love the new Nikon d90) and this is what we saw....

The Lone Ranger Trailer...

and where the trailer is you of course find....

The Lone Ranger himself...

who I did not realize is a slightly paunchy

short guy in his 50's....

Of course Silver was there too.

That was the real reason I stopped.

I'm all about the horse of course.

Wy had to get an up close view. He really was beautiful,

and big!

I myself had to of course take a trip to see him. I found out that he is a Tennessee Walker, which I figured because of his size, he was a whopping 17.2 hands...A beautiful white. Very calm and behaved, even with the general noise of being in the middle of town, he looked almost bored.

Then I noticed a couple of things that brought my impression of his owner down a couple of notches. Up close you can see that he is missing alot of hair on his face and as being white he is susceptible to sunburn, which he had. Even though he was currently under a roof, he clearly wasn't using any sort of product to help protect the skin. Then there was this.....it looks like sores, possibly from hobbles, as they were in the same spot on both legs. I don't know how observant this guy was but it's hard to miss bloody spots on such a white animal. Otherwise he looked to be in good health. Good body weight and all that. I just might write a letter to the local paper about the Railway hiring someone who could obviously do a better job of caring for his animal. I won't be the only one to notice this or be upset by it. He's due to make a stop back in town in August....I'll have to see if he's doing a better job....

*&#$@!

I now know how hard it is to vacuum up a bowl of sprinkles.....

Watcha Doin'?

It's been a little hectic around here the last couple of days.....hence the reason for not posting. My car broke down last week and I wasn't able to go to Atlanta for Easter.....It took DH most of a week, on and off, to fix it...He is amazing. I wouldn't have a clue where to start, and am only capable of putting gas in it without screwing it up. With the things that have gone wrong with the car over the last couple of years I'm beginning to think I'm cursed. D has been on Spring Break this past week and it's gone okay for the most part. There hasn't been any blood shed, but he and W did manage to argue quite a bit. I guess it's common and completely normal for siblings, but it sure can make a mom nuts. D's ball season starts up again tomorrow with a game at 5:30 so that will take up some time this week. I like the aspect of feeling part of the community, sitting with all the other parents cheering our kids on, even if I don't have anyone to talk to except the dog. Work is pretty much the same....slow. I'm hoping that with the start of season it picks up as I could sure use the money to buy myself a great present for my 40th birthday this year. I dearly want a Nikon d80 SLR camera...here's hoping. That's been about it...exciting I know...will post some this week, as I am determined to get out with the camera and shoot something.....

Amazing!

Whoooo Hoooo! You go Margie and Luke!

I am addicted to The Amazing Race and this season I just love Margie and Luke. They are a mother/son team and Luke is deaf. He's on the show to prove that people with handicaps are just as capable as anyone else and they are doing an "amazing" job. They are currently in the final five teams and came in first on last nights episode. I hope they can go all the way.

It's refreshing to see a team that can communicate and get along as well as they can. Some of the other teams are a disappointment in the way they treat one another. If it wasn't for the physical aspect ( cause I'm not physical at all) I would love to do the race with my sis. I think we would do great as we get along famously.

Happy Easter..

I just love the image of a basket full of colorfull eggs. I myself have never managed to get those deep colors. Mine always ended up pastel and splotchy, but the fun was still had. Dying eggs is one of the things I remember most about childhood Easters.

I was planning on visiting my sis this weekend, but my car decided to breakdown instead. It really pissed me off, it always seems to be something. Maybe today I'll pick up some eggs, easter kit and sit with the kids tonight and just color eggs. Give them something to remember when they get older. Sounds like a plan.

I hope all of you have a great Easter and find all of the eggs that are hidden so they don't stink in a few weeks when the weather heats up.

Peace to all.

The Genetic Anomaly

Why is it that boys have then gene that makes it incapable of hearing what you tell them? Why do I have to repeat myself over and over all the time? Just once I would love for them to jump up and say "Yes Mam!" and do it right then.......

What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

Here is a picture of me from 2002. I'm the one on the left, yes it's me. 100 lbs lighter than I am now. I have been fat pretty much my whole life and believe me when I say "It sucks!". I went on a weight loss medication in July of 2002 and by Christmas had lost 90 lbs, the rest came off after that. I got so wrapped up in numbers that when I came home from a vacation to Fl that I was pissed that I hadn't lost any weight. I was a hefty 153, can you imagine! How dare I not be in the 140's. That's what I thought at the time. I am now a morbidly obese 260 and am completely miserable with myself. I can't stand my own company and am embarrassed to be seen. I just bury it under humor and keep my eyes downcast. It's ridiculous that I let myself get back to that. I would love to be the woman in the picture below instead of the one I've become. I've lost and gained weight my whole life and I fail every time at keeping it off. Why does food seem so much more important than my health? I currently have high blood pressure and I'm not even 40, my knees make all kinds of crunching noises when going up an incline and I worry every day that I'll die early and leave my kids without a mom. Yet do I do anything about it? No. I just bury my head in more food and guilt. Depressed about everything and too fricking tired and out of hope to do it again. Where can I find the will to want to LIVE instead of just exist? My kids don't get the best of me and neither does my husband. Neither do I really. I would love to find the joy I had then with myself, instead of all the hate I have now...

The Evil Eye Is Back....And Other Stuff...

Had an okay day at work yesterday. Came home a little early because I haven't been getting alot of sleep the last few nights, my cough is back and it keeps me up some. I noticed my left eye was kind of goopy again and thought....great...here we go again. Then they ran a ticker on the tv that we had a escaped convict awaiting trial for a double murder loose in the county. They were blocking all roads out of the area and advised everyone to lock their doors. Great. I thought that stuff only happened in the city. That meant DH brought out the gun from the locked cabinet, where I like it to be, and kept it in a drawer next to the bed for the night. Great.... Then I woke up this morning with a swollen and goopy pink eye....again.. What the heck is going on with me lately, I just can't seem to shake it. Good thing I have the medicine still.

Do Dogs Get Car Sick?...Boy Do They!

Went for and eye Dr. appointment today and W and I decided to take Molly with us. I figure she needs to get used to riding in the car and not be so scared of it, besides all the times she's been in it have been to get to the vet. She was great. She had to wait in the car about 15 minutes or so at the Dr.'s (it was about 40 so it wasn't hot) and she just curled up on the seat and slept. After that I took W to the park and let him play on the playground. Molly and I climbed up the steps and walked around, no fear out of her at all. We even went on a short walk along the river and passed a couple of people with dogs and she paid them no attention. I'm amazed that someone just threw this dog away, she's just blended in with the family. She's wonderful with the kids, listens to me, and she doesn't even poop in the yard. We had a couple of other stops on our trip and she was very patient with us, sleeping while we did some quick shopping, we got her a toy of course and some cheese snacks. The drive home was okay, it is a curvy road being as we live in the mountains. She was a little restless near the end and I didn't read the signs, being as I haven't had a dog in about 15 years. She threw up in the car. Thankfully she was sitting on her blanket. I stopped and pulled the blanket out, cleaned it off, let her get a drink of water from the river and stretch her legs a bit. She loaded back up on her own, I've been having to pick her up, and on we went. We got home shortly and she got out and promptly threw up again in the yard. I guess I need to realize she's not as used to the curves as I am and take it easy on her next time. I'll be sure to bring her blanket.

St. Patty's Day At Work

St. Patrick?

It was a holiday of sorts at work yesterday. My boss likes to do things for the community and she came up with a new idea. A purse drive. She is collecting slightly used purses which we are going to fill with different things. Many donated from the stores and business in the area. On April 4th we are going to be giving them away to women and girls in the area who are in a position where they can't afford a new bag. The kick off was yesterday, so Deb , who likes any reason to dress up, made it a fun day at work. Wear your tackiest green outfit. 50% discount on a new service for anyone who brings in a bag, food, drink, fun, games, you name it. I honestly can't tell you how many bags we have, LOTS! I guess you could say it was a success. As usual I brought my camera to work to capture some of the insanity. Enjoy!

I'm sorry to say she looks drunk in this photo

but it was the start of the day so....

I'm hoping not.... here she is clearly sober...

and she worked in that outfil

ALL DAY!

I'd of been a puddle on the floor... the mastermind Deb Cowgirl Victoria

those jingle shoes drove me crazy all day Jo and Deb J... I liked her wig better than mine. Our leprechaun

Elizabeth's cousin.

I don't know what she promised

him to get him to walk around

outside all day holding

a sign, but I'm sure

he should of asked for more

Deb's mom, still doing hair at 74!

That will not be me... Jess. the only one who looked

remotely normal Jo the party girl

A good time was had by all and hopefully it benefit alot of needy women in the area who find themselves in a bad spot and a little something for them will brighten their day and give them a bit of hope for a better future. I'll keep ya posted.

The Green Wig....

St. Patty's Day....A good holiday for drinking green beer and hanging out with your friends..Not a good day to be working with a bunch of girls who love any reason to dress up. I was supposed to wear some sort of tack green outfit and such as all the girls were. I don't own anything green and being a big girl don't particularly like dressing up like a goof. It's never pretty. My boss had other ideas when she saw me. Green suspenders were added to me as I sat doing a pedicure and after that a green wig. I figured what the heck, everyone else looked crazier than me so I'll just go with the flow. Good time was had by all. When I got home my DH said it better wash out or be a wig, W wanted to try it on, and D was whining about something, he apparently had a bad day at school. Here are the results.

My own little leprechaun

Isn't he just the cutest thing.

My big boy, red eyed but perking up

with the green hair

And then there's me...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I'm No Longer Virgin!

I had my hair colored today for the first time in 7 years! I bet you thought it was something else didn't you? I also got a new haircut! Big steps for me. I have a very sensitive scalp so I can't use on scalp color so we used a new product that bleaches and tones at the same time. Color: butterscotch...I like it. Suprisingly it wasn't so tramatic to cut it. I tend to think that my hair is my one redeeming quality, since the rest of me doesn't look so good, overweight and all ya know. It was time to let it go and feel fun and flirty seeing as I will be 40 soon. What ya think?

just in case you were wondering....

yes I did take these photos myself

except for the one above....

oh...and this one...

I haven't lost my sense of humor

in case you were wondering.