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LiveJournal for Smartania.com.
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| Tuesday, October 9th, 2001 |
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I have sunk into a deep pit of depression and despair. Validate me with cyber hugs. |
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| Wednesday, September 26th, 2001 |
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I don't think I've ever quite seen anything that cried out 'PLEASE VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE!' as much as this did. Well? Shit, I couldn't just let go! Someone's purpose in life COULD be riding on this..... (WARNING! High level of insecurity=hideously long survey) Please do this for me ppl...PLEASE!!! please send me your answers. First send this to all of you friends and then fill this out about the person who sent it to you. It will be a fun way to find out what Your friends will say about you? Is this a question then? Well, no, really it's not a fun way to find out what your friends will truly say and think about you because all of this online huggy, kissy bullshit is about as fake as my 7:30am-I-love-the-world Phone Voice at work. Your name: Sparky, Buckwheat, Fluffy, Spanky...do you see a trend here? What You Think About Me: I think you should just pull on your pastel sweater, oil down your hair, sit in front of the mirror and spend twenty minutes saying "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog gone it, people like me!" Then go to your therapist and tell him how delusional you are. Am I one of your friends?: No. Because one of my friends would come to the conclusion that they suck LONG before they had to send out a survey to have people validate their lives. Am I nice to you?: Given this survey? You're a damned bitch. HONESTLY do you think I'm Hot, Pretty, Cute, OK, Ugly,Disgusting?: You have issues, don't you? Serious ones. And, I know this is a big thought and all...but the internet....do you really think anyone cares? Outside of the yahoo chatroom, I mean. Do you ever think about me off-line?: Well, I am planning on sending a group of big ol' boys to knock the shit out of you for this survey later. Does that count? What do you like best about me?: The fact that I'm currently mocking you. What annoys you most about me?: This survey. One word to describe me: LOSER Do you notice a strange habit I have?: The need to have others masturbate your ego for you. What is the nicest thing I have done for you?: Being there to get the shit kicked out of you later. Oh, yeah. And dying. When you die, that'll be so nice for me. When you hear my name, what do you think of?: Stuart Smalley. What is my best feature?: I think that mole above your lip. The one with the eight or nine hairs that strongly resemble the legs of a grand daddy long leg. That's really charming. What guy/girl do you picture me with?: *LOL* I can't help it...STUART SMALLEY! Would you ever go out with me?(for the opposite sex only) : Disregarding gender to say that I would have my pubic lips sewn shut and my mind blasted with enough radiation to render me lobotomized for the next eight lifetimes before I'd ever consider it. Put An 'X' For Each One That Refers Me Outgoing Shy Caring Nice Sweet Mean Weird Crazy Smart Stupid XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Dark Bright Funny Freaky Oh, but I'd like to add some too! You can't have ALL the fun Ms. Smalley! Insecure X Lame X Dork X Geek X Whiny X Under Age 16 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX How Well Do You Know Me? enough to know that you'll likely join the mass group of people in the world that I like to call PEOPLE WHO SUCK. When is my birthday?: 9-25-01 My middle name?: Vapidia Who do I like?: The sad thing? You probably don't know what you like and generally just like what your friends do, you vapid little turd. What grade am I in?: Definitely Junior High somewhere. This survey virtually screams it. My age?: Honey, I know this is going to hurt....but think for a moment. Previously, you asked what your birthday was. This question is, therefore, redundant. Any siblings?: Bitches are dogs. Dogs have litters. Yeah, I'd say you have some! What color are my eyes?: Blue. Like the ocean. Bluuuuuue. What color is my hair?: Is this before or after you pulled it out in large clumps in a manic fit and then ordered a Christine Aguilara wig for 19.99 from Seventeen Magazine? What school do I go to?: Mainstream Jr. High, class motto: We're people too! One Last Question... Do ya love me?!: I think I have to say no just because I know it'll make you cry. It's okay. You've got tissue in your bra. We all know that you do. Next time you worry that you're unloved? Do the world a favor. Just accept that you are and be a bitch. It's easier on us all. ~N |
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*SOB* I knew! I just always knew! And now there's PROOF! They're going to come and get me! HELP! HELP! 11-15 "Yes" answers: Your score indicates a suspicious number of events in your background commonly experienced by other abductees. You may want to explore the abduction possibility further. http://www.abduct.com/survey.htm Go see. You might have been taken too!!!!!!! NOONONONONONONONOO!!!!! |
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1. What was the very first fandom you got involved in: An appropriately pretentious, obscure cult TV show that really made me look smart and knowledgable about old crappy TV. 2. What is the most recent fandom to catch your interest: BUFFY! I HAVE A WEBSIGHT ND EVRYTHING!!!!!!!!!1!! TEH PEEPS R SO KEWL! 3. Fandom you've stayed loyal to the longest: People who define themselves by the fandoms they belong to are gay. And not in the good way. 4. Fandom(s) you're most passionate about: People who are passionate about fandoms are gay. See above. 5. Fandom(s) you wish you could get into, but can't: People who pine for fandoms are beyond gay. They are beyond help. They are festering sores on the goat ass of doom and should be gored with a sharp object (preferably a manatee) on sight. People who assume that one fandom is different from the next, and not filled with groups of the same gits you see everywhere, should be gored BEFORE you see them. 6. Fandoms you're curious about, but never had the chance to get into: I've always wondered about those people who write Hanson porn... 7. Fandom that's been the most fun to be involved in: The one where I got to call some girl a motherfucking whoring cunt because she thought Doggett was better than Mulder! MULDER RULZ!!!!!!!!!!! DOGBERT SUX!!!!!! BRING BACK TEH MULDER!!!!! 8. Fandom that's been the least fun to be involved in: Any Fandom where anal-retentive geeks get together and have heated debates about whether or not character A's raised eyebrow meant he was in love with character B, or the moral and social implications of the episode where character A shot someone and what it means for character A's integrity and growth as a human being, or some other such goat fucked nonsense. Oh, shit. I think I just eliminated all of them. 9. Fandom you're ashamed to admit you were involved in: Any fandom that involves fans. 10. Are you looking for a new fandom, or actively avoiding getting sucked into something new? Gay. |
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| Saturday, September 22nd, 2001 |
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They should change the name of LiveJournal to "WHINE ONLINE". Or perhaps "Cheap Therapy.com" Or "The Place to Vomit Intimate Details of Your Sex Life and Mental Problems to complete Strangers Who Only Read it For the Same Reason They Read the Tabloids... it's Sick and Weird and Strangely Addictive." Never, never, NEVER play with the "Random feature". EVER. GOD. THE HORROR. (This is the only serious post you will ever see me make.) |
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LIFE SUCKS. I HATE YOU ALL. GOD DAMMIT. I AM GOING TO CRY. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR! NOW, POST RESPONSES AND SEND ME EMAILS ASKING WHY MY LIFE SUCKS AND SEND ME CYBER HUGS AND GAY LITTLE HEARTS <3 <3. Because that's how this game works, you see. THEN I WILL TELL YOU. OR, MAYBE I WON'T. It's just all a test to see who loves me! (In other news, EPK finds serious online journals terribly amusing) The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. |
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UPDATE on the news of my love life! I was totally freaking out, so my doctor gave me prozac! I feel so much better now! He also says I might be manic. I'm so glad I have livejournal so I can tell the world! Thank god I will always have my goats to keep me happy. |
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Life just sucks! What should I do? My boyfriend told me today that he was leaving me for another woman! I just don't know what to do anymore! Maybe it was our sex life. Granted, I told him time and again that I didn't like spanking and he was too emotionally closed off to listen. Maybe it was the fact that I really didn't like the dildo or that strange thing that suctioned to the floor. Maybe it was his outright dislike of goats. Or maybe it was because of my emotional handicaps stemming back to my childhood when Uncle Fred used to lock me in the shed with the VCR and a copy of Deliverance. That just tore apart my family. I actually think it's the reason Uncle Fred's mom's cat's donkey's second cousin thrice removed killed himself. And now, he's leaving me and my life will never be the same. Should I beg him to stay? Should I try to get counselling? Should I confront him about the internet history files that I found pointing to wwww.bigcocks.com? WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME? Thank you, internet strangers. I feel so much better, having vomited the intimate details of my life to you. I'm so glad you care. |
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| Monday, September 10th, 2001 |
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I'm so sorry I haven't made an entry in so long. *sigh*. I've been so busy on my journey to spiritual enlightenment. And unfortunately, The Church of The Enlightened Goddess recommends minimal internet usage, because it's bad for my aura. 1. What is your full name? EEE PEE KAY 2. Marilyn Manson or Destiny's Child? THAT YOU SHOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK!!! WHO'S THE GOD OF FUCK??? WHO?? WHO?? WHO'S YOUR DADDY?? SAY IT!!! SAY IT, BITCH! 3.When was the last time you showered? What's the date today? 4.What song are u listening to right now? I don't know. Does U have a musical preference? Did U ever lern to speel? 5.What was the last thing that you said? GOOD GOD, WHY THE FUCK DID I SWALLOW? 6. What is next to you right now? A goat head. 7. What is your computer desk made of? Goats. 8.What are the last 4 digits of your phone number? F-U-C-K 9.What was the last thing that you ate? Goat cheese. 10.If you were a crayon, what color would you be? DINGDINGDINGDING!! This wins the prize as the GAYEST QUESTION EVER!!! 11.Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? You assume I haven't already been on a honeymoon, therefore you assume that everyone in existence is under 20, don't you, you pimply, pre-pubescent, hormonal fuckwad? 12.Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with? Russel Crowe. 13. Do you have a lava lamp? My mind is reeling ffrom the inanity of that question. 14.How many buddies do you have on your list? TEEHHEE! I HAVE SO MANY KEWL INTERNET FRIENDZ ON MY BUDDY LISST BECUZ I M POPULR ND KEWL!! LOLOLOLOL!!!1!! 15. How is the weather right know? LEARN TO SPELL, YOU FUCKING SIMPLETON. 16. Have you ever smoked pot? NO! That's just something BIG SCARY REBELLIOUS 13-year-olds do!!! Plus, Jesus says it's bad. 17.What did you do last night? Murdered a family of four. 18. Last person that you talked to on the phone? My parole officer. 19. What are things that a boy/girl would have to have for you to go out with them? ALL of these surveys are made by people under 14, aren't they? AREN'T THEY?????????? 20. Who do you admire? Anyone who has gotten through this survey without committing mass homicide. 21. Fave actor/actress? Richard Simmons. 22. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I DID, UNTIL SHE SENT IT TO ME. THEN I KILLED HER, AND LEFT HER CARCASS FOR THE VULTURES. 23.How are you today? Suffering from PSSD. Post Survey Stress Disorder. 24.fAVE m&m;? You have GOT to be kidding me. 25.Who makes you happy? Goats. 26. Fave CD? "Goats at Dawn", with Yanni and Enya. 27.Dream date? DIE. 28. Nicknames? The Boston Strangler, Son of Sam, the Zodiac Killer, ah.. oops, my therapist said not to get my fantasies mixed up with reality. 29-31. age, hair color and eye color? Just... fuck off. 32. fav. color? BLOOD RED, LIKE THE BLOOD OF PEOPLE WHO WRITE SURVEYS. 33. Do you wear contacts? GNRH. 34.Siblings and their age? BLA. 35.Who do you consider to be your close friends? ANYONE WHO HAS NOT EVER WRITTEN A SURVEY LIKE THIS. 36.What do you like to do? Mock stupid people like you. 37. What was the best advice ever given to you? "Don't ever fill out online surveys." 38.Dream car? A HEARSE. OR A TRAILER SO I CAN TAKE MY GOAT WITH ME WHEREVER I GO. 39.Have you ever won any special awards? I got off on parole early for good behaviour! 40.What do you want to be when you grow up? Oh shut up, you underage twit. 41.What are your future goals? Never filling out another survey. Killing more people who write surveys. 42. fave music? I TOLD YOU WHO THE GOD OF FUCK WAS! DIDN'T YOU LISTEN??? DIDN'T YOU??? 43. Favorite food? Babies. Is this going to end soon? 44.Who is the funniest person that you know? Bruce. He's so hilarious when he sticks that banana up his... nevermind. 45. Fave movies? Anything that does not star Gwyneth Paltrow. 46.Fave mini-series? "How to murder a survey writer in 6 easy steps" 47.fave month? WHAT KIND OF A SUCK-ASS QUESTION IS THAT? 48.Fave girls perfume? ICK. 49. Fave guys cologne? Eu de Goate. 50.Do you like to dance? No. I'm old, and have achey knees. That's all for now! Until next time, remember: Peace, love, and keep your aura shining! I WUV U ALL! @---/----- <3 |
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| Monday, August 20th, 2001 |
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Name: Your mama Age: Old Where u from?: Between t and v, you fuck... THE WORD "YOU" is ONLY TWO MORE LETTERS LONG THAN "U". WHY EVEN FUCKING BOTHER? WHY? What is the sound of one hand clapping? Why is the sky blue? If a tree falls in a forest... Nicknames: EPK, UberBitch, Killer of People Who Make Up Stupid Surveys **what is your FAVORITE..... I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MY JOY. 1. Nsync member?: The gay one (Jebus, save me now) 2. Boy Band?: Preferably one where all the members are dead (God, this hurts) 3. Reality Show?: "People who Send Online Surveys Meet Horrible, Bloody Deaths at the hands of Dobermans!" 4. Game Show?: "Pin the Nuclear Warhead on the Twit who Wrote the Survey" 5. Place to think?: You don't even know what thought is, you git. 6. Board game?: The one where you hit stupid people (like people who make these surveys) over the head with a two-by-four. 7. Grade of school?: I love how these insipid pieces of crap never assume that anyone over the age of 16 exists. 8. BSB member?: I LURRVE NERYS BCUZ SHE IS MY FRIEND ND SHE Z KEWL!! 9. Disney Channel original movie?: Goofy gets an anal probe. .. Wait. 10. Color to wear?: TEEHEEE! I LIEK PINK!!! 11. Department store?: Oh god. Please, just die. 12. do you prefer clear pop or brown pop?: This question is far more interesting if you add an extra "o" to "pop". ** Would you rather......?? 1. Have sex with an 80 year old or never have sex for the rest of your life?: You don't even know what sex is, do you? 2. Be hung or Drown?: FEEL the level of depth in this question! HAHA! I am so clever! I shall ask people which form of death they would prefer becuz that iz just so deep n stuff! How about this, git? I'd like to die after earth shattering sex with Hugh Jackman. 3. Go blind or go deaf?: WY DOES EVERY FUCKING STUPID PRE-PUBESCENT MORONIC INTERNET SURVEY HAVE THIS QUESTION? 4. Win $2,000 or spend the day with anyone you want?: Give me the cash, fucker. 5. Be on "Becoming" or be on that show thats like "youre on MTV"?: I must be really old, for these things matter exactly diddly fuck all to me. 6. Catch your parents "in the act" or catch someone elses parents?: OH DEAR GOD. I am probably OLD enough to be your parent. What does that tell you? Get laid and then we'll talk. 7. Get an STD or get Pregnant?: You have probably never even seen a member of the opposite sex naked, you drooling, acne-ridden pre-pubescent geek. Fuck off. 8. Be locked in a room with your least fav. person for 24 hours or listen to your least fav. song over and over for 24 hours?: Since the likelihood of my ever having to make this choice, or of this question ever meaning something important, is exactly zilch, I don't think I'll answer it. **What is the FIRST thing that comes to mind when you hear the word ______? evil: survey blonde: fuckboy syrup: celine dion sleeping bag: the person who made this survey when she goes to bed at night sea shell: sea shells by the fucking seashore crayons: up yours. pinecone: that would hurt cut: your head off taxi: run you over retro: aaah... fuck. Nothing comes to my mind when I hear the word "retro" egg: head war: people who write surveys die violent, bloody deaths. **Associate the following colors with people you know: Red: My face when I encounter surveys like this Pink: BRITNEYYYY!!! BECUZ SHE IZ SO CUTE! Purple: That guy I killed last week Black: My heart White: goats Green: goats Blue: goats Gray: goats FUCK, THAT SUCKED. |
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| Monday, August 13th, 2001 |
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I haven't posted in so long because I've been on a journey of spiritual enlightenment. I spent a week fasting and meditating in a crop circle field. On the fifth night, I saw lights in the sky and they spoke to me, telling me that I was one with the Great Spirit. I've changed my name to Earth. |
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| Friday, August 3rd, 2001 |
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I have found new enlightenment in life. I've been meeting with some wonderful people and they've made me realize that my life is a sham, and that all of this negativity breeds hatred and puts my inner aura in distress. I've read The Celestine Prophecy and suddenly life has new meaning! I'm going to go on a pilgrimage to Tibet to search my own soul and the world around me for the Tenth Insight, the Way To Spiritual Enlightenment. Life is beautiful! Remember, send that positive energy OUT! If you don't send positive energy out, the world will feel it and negative things will come your way! Think positive, do some chanting, get some ear coning done, and follow these daily affirmations to begin your road to positive, spiritual enlightenment. 1. I am wonderful 2. The world responds to my positive energy 3. Nevative Nancys can't touch me and bring me into their hateful little world 4. I love all people. 5. The path to spirtual enlightenment is within me 6. Goats are god. 7. I don't want to bother that Manatee 8. When I die, I will ascend to another plane of Spiritual Knowledge. 9. Hugh Jackman loves me. 10. Fucking goats is something that bad, evil, hateful people do. 11. I shouldn't say fuck, no I shouldn't say fuck, fuck no. You see how easy it is? Just repeat these ten daily affirmations every morning before you head out to the goat farm, and you'll notice changes immediately! Remember: POSITIVE ENERGY!!! You'll thank me for it. I'll be giving a seminar on spiritual oneness next Tuesday, in the Smartania Goat Barn. |
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| Friday, July 27th, 2001 |
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Who are you? This was originally intended as an email survey. The sort that makes you want to dive into your monitor, find the git who sent it to you, and hand feed their entrails to Satan's lapdog. Regardless, as an email survey, YOU WOULD FREAKING THINK THAT THE FACT THAT IT WAS SENT FROM AN EMAIL ADDRESS WOULD GIVE YOU SOME SORT OF FLAMING CLUE, YOU MINDLESS MORONIC TURD! *whew* I'm starting to feel better here. Venting agression good! Let's continue! 1) First of all, how old are you? Between the ages of born and not quite dead. Does this have some true bearing? Oh no! You're not between the ages of 11 and 29! You suck! I have fear! Ask a valid, frelling question. 2) Do you believe in reincarnation? Only when referring to things that have come back to life in my refrigerator. But, I see now. This survey was crafted by a suave, oh so clever teenager who wishes to flout their underage brilliance with such deep mystical questions. Here's a freaking thought, my little pimple bedecked friend, if I'm dead-what in the blue hell do I care if I've been alive before or might be alive again? If I'm alive (and I'm far too bitchy this evening not to be) why would I waste my time pondering previous lives instead of living the one I find myself in? You are born with life. Use it, moron. 3) Would you rather be deaf or blind? Oh dear, the DEEP things that are being asked here. I feel as though I must penetrate the very reaches of my soul for this one. Life does not come with choose your own impairment. If you are to be suddenly struck down with some kind of handicap, do you really think God is going to be one the sidelines shouting "Okay now, choose! You get to pick! Sightless or deaf! Make it a good one!" The goats are better than this. 4) If you found out your best friend was gay/lesbian, what would you do? Well, considering that I'm an adult and not a messed up little sheltered git who thinks such things would matter, I wouldn't do shit. The very fact that this question was asked is why there's so much freaking out over sexuality. EWW! GAY! EWW! HETERO! People who step up to show just how PC they are, on the other hand, are even worse. SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE GAY PEOPLE! I AM SUCH A GOOD HUMAN! Do you really think anyone that's gay gives a good god damn about how politically correct you are? I doubt it. Here's one. What would you do if your best friend was heterosexual? If that seems like a stupid question to you and the previous one does not, I suggest you ask mommy if you can go out and mingle outside of your church group. 5) Do you consider yourself a good listener? I'm hearing Russell Crowe on my 2nd Gladiator CD quite well, thank you for asking such a retarded question! 6) Would you rather be short or tall? Again you assume that I have any say in the matter. I wanna be as tall as the twees and as tiny as a widdle mouse. Freaking stupid. 7) Would you rather be overly happy and poor, or overly wealthy and happy? The rich are NEVER happy. The Poor are NEVER unhappy. And who in their right mind would choose to live in poverty? Have you any concept of poverty? At all? Didn't think so. Again, moron. 8) Would you consider your relationship with your parents bad, okay, good? You're still in high school and this is a very important question to you, isn't it? Here's a thought, my parents are none of your concern. 9) Do you like to dance? An, iffin' ya do, wouldja dance wif me at the big homecoming dance? PWEEEASE. I'm going to start listening to Russell more than I pay attention to this fekking thing. 10) Are you shy to ask someone out? Are you aware that words are missing from this sentence and that if you truly intend to spam the holy blue frell out of people that you really should edit the damned thing first? 11) Do you like to talk on the phone? Hint: phone not so important as social interactive device past age 14. 12) Would you rather go on a walk or watch tv? Notice how nothing about stimulating your mind is mentioned here. Notice that destroying the earth and praising the goat god was forgotten. Notice that there was no mention of stroking the leather bound buttocks of Ben Browder. Notice that the creator of this survey probably did it in Math class. 13) What's your dream honeymoon place? I'm gonna go for broke here and say.....I've never thought about it because the concept of making a marriage (you know, that whole life long commitment thing) is too important to waste with details about where you get to send postcards from to impress all your widdwe fwiends. 14) What would be the first thing you'd change about yourself? What ever spontaneous urge drove me to fill out this fekking survey. Oh yeah, and that whole drinking blood thing. Man, that's just GOT to stop! (Okay, I'm being sarcastic rather than scathing. I DO BELIEVE I'M FEELING LESS CRANKY! LIGHT OF ROME! I LOVE THIS SONG! WOOOOO!) 15) Do you think boys or girls have it easier? You don't know shit about the opposite sex or very much about your own, do you? 16) If you had a round-trip ride in any time machine, where would you go? 20 minutes ago, when I started this survey. "Nerys, don't do it. My poor child. Just beat the wall. It'll hurt your hand, but ultimately is a much quicker way to vent your bitchiness. And psst! Your tape ran out." 17) If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? Same thing we do every day, Pinky, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! 18) Do you like Adidas, Nike, Fila, or Reebok [or any other brand]? Do you know how much this doesn't matter in life and that the fact that you view sneakers as a status symbol is making some shoe company cackle with glee? 19) If you could change your name, what would it be? Something, like, really cool, that would make all of the kids in your school just like, you know, want to be ME! 20) If you were in a theater and someone was crying, would you laugh? If I'm ever the only one in a theater that's not crying, I might shout in triumph, but that's about it. Stupid question. 21) Have you ever thought you were going to die? Right around the fourth or fifth question, I did. 22) What's the hardest thing about growing up? Dealing with idiots like you that think growing up is the HARDEST THING THAT THERE IS IN LIFE! 23) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Would you ever? It's the net. Who fweakin' cares? 24) What little unknown talents do you possess? The ability to tolerate this survey. 25) Would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000? What did the crickets do to you? 26) If this Saturday, you could do ANYTHING you wanted, what would you do? This saturday, I can thank you. It's the beauty of being an adult. 27) What's the worst word(s) you know? SURVEY 28) If there would be one thing about yourself that you could change, what would it be? Didn't we have this question? My tendency to want to do this fecking survey already! 29) Have you ever wanted to run away? Run where? Yes, to Moya where there's a second John Crichton with no Aeryn. Jesus. Fantasy, just like that stupid question! 30) What's your worst fear? this survey 31) What is your dream car? status symbol thing again. 32) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? I'm an adult. 33) Have you ever felt you were in love? Have you ever passed through puberty? 34) If you were stranded on a deserted island with one person, who would it be? The one who could get me off of it, you dork. 35) What is your favorite color? *sigh* 36) What guy/girl do you want more than anyone else? You don't know them and when I do, I'm NOT TELLING! AHA! 37) If you could be any animal what would you be? I have to say goat. It's in my contract. And there was a stupid amount of questions following this. Like until 50 with two lists of 15 likes and hates. I truly went insane at the thought of finishing it. I just did. I'm going away now to the land where Russell speaketh and looketh like a hot man with long, soft, red hair. *DIES* |
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| Wednesday, July 25th, 2001 |
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1. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS Alternative. 2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The Satanic Bible. 3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? An unknown, crusty substance. 4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? The kind where you hit small children repeatedly with large pieces of wood... ...OH, you didn't mean THAT kind of board! Ooops. 5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? MARY KATE AND ASHLEY!!!!!!!!!!~!~~!!@ 6a. FAVORITE SMELLS? The pungent aroma of rotting flesh. Goats. 6b. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? You. 7. FAVORITE SOUND? The bleating of a youthful goat at dawn. 8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Getting caught. 9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU GET UP IN THE MORNING? Why does my ass hurt? 10. FAVORITE COLOR THE BLACKNESS IN MY SOUL. 11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I don't answer the phone unless its my parole officer. 12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Darksyde Soulcrusher, mistress of the dark. 13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Goats. 14. FAVORITE FOOD? Did you ever see "Alive?" 15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Goats. 16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Goats. 17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Goats. 18. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY Goats. 19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Confiscated. 20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE? I'd prefer to meet them alive. 21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? DRINK IS URINE FROM THE LAST LEPER IN HELL! 22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? The goat. 23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? If only you knew what I eat the stems of. 24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB AT ALL, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Goat herder. 25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Kind of a goaty gray. 26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Goats. 27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? SHUT UP. I HATE YOU. 28. FAVORITE MOVIES? How the Goat stole Christmas. Sheepless in Seattle. 29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? NO. I TYPE WITH A KEYBOARD. 28. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? The mailman. 29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 1-900-DIAL-A-GOAT 30. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Goats. 31. SAY ONE THING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. NO. |
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| Saturday, July 21st, 2001 |
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 I start my new job tomorrow. (All pictures taken by EPK and Professor Snipe) |
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 More vacation photos. Sea World was a blast. This is where you leave your children when you decide they've become too whiny to keep dragging around. Apparently, they feed them to Shamu. Alternately, you can pick up kids here as well, as a cheap alternative to dolphin food. What an enchanted place Sea World is! |
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| Friday, July 20th, 2001 |
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 Bruce took me to this lovely place. |
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| Thursday, July 19th, 2001 |
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It's been so long since I've posted in here. I'm sorry to all of those who hang on my every word and just can't get enough of the details of my life. Today was interesting. I went to the store and bought some toilet paper. The lock on the driver's side door of my car doesn't work quite right. Isn't this fascinating? It made me weep and I kicked in the car door because I was so frustrated. I guess I need to see my therapist again. For your reading pleasure, HERE IS ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL SURVEY BECAUSE I LOVE THEM SO. (actually, this is quite possibly the worst online survey I have ever seen, though these things are generally measured in sheer horridness anyway.) 1. What's the worst book you've ever read? -- TEH LORD OF THE FLIES! I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND IT!!! 2. What is the worst movie you've ever seen? - OMG!!!!!!! Saving Private Ryan was, like, soooooo icky gross!!! ew ew!!!! 3. Which TV show do you find the most offensive -- "Survivor," "Boot Camp," "Friends," "Antiques Roadshow" or "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"? - They all make me want to run out and kill babies. 4. What is your most embarrassing obsession? -- Running out and killing babies. 5. Have you ever hated someone? -- I hate the person who made this survey. 6. Did you ever act on that hate? What did you do? - I told them I hated them. Then I got a knife. The last thing I remembered was bloody entrails everywhere and sirens. 7. What's the wrong insult you can think of? -- You are stupid and are lacking grammar skills. Have you ever used it? - If applicable, like above. 8. What's in your medicine cabinet? -- You really are a nosy little fuck, aren't you? Nail polish, eyeliner, and glitter! TEEEHEHEHEEHEHEEE!!! 9. Spit or swallow? -- Swallow and chase with diet pepsi. 10. What's the most annoying thing about your boss? - He doesn't like it when I beat the shit out of my co-workers. I'll bet it's sexual descrimination. If I was a MAN he wouldn't be such a jerk to me!! 11. In high school, you were popular, jock, geek or freak? - You're not out of high school yet, are you? 12. Have you ever farted in church? - I make a point of it, but the High Priest Sekmhet, Lord of Venemous Chaos, doesn't like it and it sometimes disturbs the animal sacrifices. 13. If you could get a (or another) tattoo, what would it be? - My dark master, Satan. 14. Can you mash potato? Can you do the twist? - Please die. 15. Have you ever had sex with your socks on? - What are you, twelve? 16. Do you eat the stems of grapes? Flowers? - I LIEK 2 EAT TEH FLOWERS CUZ THEY MAEK ME FEEL FUNNY AND C PRETY COLOURS!! 17. Why did the chicken cross the road? - To get away from the goat. 18. Which color is the ugliest? - you. 19. Milli Vanilli or Vanilla Ice? - WHAT KIND OF A MOTHERFUCKING CHOICE IS THAT? 20. The lady or the tiger? - Is this like an ink blot thing? 21. Dick or cock? - You mean which one makes the writer of this survey sound more like a kid trying to talk like a big person? 22. Pussy or cunt? - You are both. 23. Have you ever committed a crime? - I'm about to. 24. How many of the 10 commandments have you broken? - All of them. 25. Paper or plastic? - Plastic is best for asphyxiation AND the transporting of dripping body parts. 26. It's a desperate situation - you must fuck Mick Jagger, Wilem Dafoe, Janet Reno, Bea Arthur of "The Golden Girls," Princess Diana's corpse or George W. Bush. Who do you choose and why? -- Why does this sound like a pre-teen "truth or dare" game? "OMG OMG OMG!! If you got paid a million dollars to screw the ugliest guy, ohmagod, WOULD you? TEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEE!" And get the mention of Princess Diana out of there, you heartless, tasteless piece of shit. 27. What cartoon character do you/did you most fantasize about? - What's sad is that I have an answer to this question. 28. Who is/was your most embarrassing celebrity crush? - The Queen of England. 29. If you could go back in time and murder one person with no punishment inflicted on yourself, whom would you kill? Also, same scenario, only you can have sex with anyone in history - whom would you fuck? - You're asking me to fuck dead people? 30. To be or not to be? - You are a git. |
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| Wednesday, July 11th, 2001 |
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Goat Haiku Goats are close to God They fill me with love and joy Don't arrest me, please ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ i dont no what 2 do. can ne1 tell me how i shuld live my life becoz im so confusd write now i just cant stand it. my boyfriend dosnt luv me he told me he luvs the other grrl in our math class nd now i am all alone. i thot that i should right this in my online jurnal becoz i no how much total strangrs are dieing 2 here about my pathetic life. i m so sad nd so alone nd i am falling n2 a pit of despar. i m going 2 do it. u cant stop me. i m going 2 do it my mom said nevr 2 do it but i am despret now. i am going 2....2..... you know.... *sigh* ..... look up goat porn. |
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| Monday, July 9th, 2001 |
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(subtitle: EPK plays with the Random function a bit more. What will she find...?) *** I am happy today,i think i may get back one of my best friends,i have really missed our relationship and am so glad that he is doing well. the only problem some of my friends might think its a bad idea but i think i can just ignor them some of them dont count anymore because when you give someone addvice and then go and do exactly what you told them not to it kinda cancels them out of the addvice dept.ya know?? well i have to go towork now ....more later i'm sure. ** 4th of july night was grand. i went on beachside and then later that night i went to a party *dewaynes house* and stayed the night there. [with brandy and kara] and then.. woke up and went home. next night went back to dewaynes house and stayed there again with cara and brandy. GOT KRUNK~@ :O n yeah. aw ree called me the other night *waves* :] but yeah.. i also would like to say I HATE DAWSON -- little boys who play games. die mkay~@ :\ anyways yeah. and lets see what else. but yeah shits been pretty great until now so yeah~@ mhm bye kids<3 ** wtf is wrong with me. i feel so alone now. i wanna be fuckin held by my girlfriend or *** Those r the only ppl i will let hold me. its been like this the whole fuckin weekend. i wanted to be held by them. i hope i can see both of them this week. i try to be happy but then i get depressed. and now i have this emotion in me that i like *** more than a friend. i mean since i first saw her i liked her more than a friend. i kno she doesnt love me back the way i love her but i enjoy being in her company. i mean i luv my gf with all my heart and i could prolly stand to luv her a little more but sumthin is holdin me back. i luv spending time with ***.when she cuddles with me a warm feelin goes through my body. but i also get that feelin if im around megan and shes goin out with somebody. i dunno what the hell im gunna do. ill have to figure this out later im too fuckin tired to rite now. sorry bout not capitalizing my sentences. ill write more later. i really hope we can get together this week *** I got roll of thunder hear my cry out of the library the other day. last time i read it i cried my eyes out. it really is so sad. quite a lot of things make me cry but i never feel any better for it. its like im deep as the ocean and im just shoving up flotsam whilst all this pain is still there. or that these are crocodile tears or whatever. ive never really thoguht of writing how i feel on here but everyone else seems to. im not sure how itll work because even when i tried to write a diary i lied in that saying that all these people at school liked me or wutever wen they dont. ive never been popular. im always off with the fairies or imagining stuff and i want to stop and try and live in reality but i cant because then ill have to face up to who i really am and i dont think i can do that. i live in fantasy land but its not as nice as you'd think, wheneveri imagine something nice happening to me after a while i feel really upset becus i know that nothing i imagine will ever come true. i try to restrict wut im daydreaming about. making it totally unbelievable but i imagine things that could easily happoen but after this i know they wont. *** (EPK shot herself at this point.) |
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LiveJournal for Smartania.com.
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cynical.
nauseated.
scared.
amused.
irate.
dorky.
awake.
loved.
high.
accomplished.
naughty.
curious.