Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Nikki's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Sunday, July 28th, 2002
10:30 pm	tests.... What Was Your PastLife? ~okay....sure My bumper sticker reads: Yes, you. Take the quiz. ~lol, nice Intuition. Insight. Emotions. Feelings. Take the quiz. center> Which Classic Book Are You? Book: George Orwell's Animal Farm. Synopsis: Fueled by Orwell's intense disillusionment with Soviet Communism, Animal Farm is a nearly perfect piece of writing, both an engaging story and an allegory that actually works. When the downtrodden beasts of Manor Farm oust their drunken human master and take over management of the land, all are awash in collectivist zeal. Everyone willingly works overtime, productivity soars, and for one brief, glorious season, every belly is full. The animals' Seven Commandment credo is painted in big white letters on the barn. All animals are equal. No animal shall drink alcohol, wear clothes, sleep in a bed, or kill a fellow four-footed creature. Those that go upon four legs or wings are friends and the two-legged are, by definition, the enemy. Too soon, however, the pigs, who have styled themselves leaders by virtue of their intelligence, succumb to the temptations of privilege and power. Excerpt: As soon as the light in the bedroom went out there was a stirring and a fluttering all through the farm buildings. Word had gone round during the day that old Major, the prize Middle White boar, had had a strange dream on the previous night and wished to communicate it to the other animals. It had been agreed that they should all meet in the big barn as soon as Mr. Jones was safely out of the way. Old Major (so he was always called, though the name under which he had been exhibited was Willingdon Beauty) was so highly regarded on the farm that everyone was quite ready to lose an hour's sleep in order to hear what he had to say. Amazon: Animal Farm Which Classic Book Are You? ~hee, hee-i kinda 'rigged' that one Take the Disney Villain Test Now!! (Comment on this)
1:52 pm	Quick update..... Not much has been going on here, well, not much to write about, which, to me, is a very good thing. I'd rather things be uneventful than totally in chaos. I FINALLY found out who my roommate is for next year. Her name's Amanda and she's an art major and I just love her! She loves the beetles and has weird obsession/fears, like me. She is so funny and I love her! We are a lot alike and I know I'm gonna totally love her for a roommate! Yay for that! I hate having all this money stuff to deal with though! Hmm...sick of nilssen's. Very sick of the deli department! Mary is so stupid-she leaves me right during the church rush and it's so frustrating. Grrrr....and....hmmmm.....I need to get a poster for my room, I've concluded and.....hmmmm...I found out Kelly didn't pass english and I had this feeling of triumph because she always tries to beat everybody at everything. She'd be done w/ reports weeks early and I'd still be reading the book...ahhh, but yes...maybe more info to come...who knows? Must be off to the dreaded deli department! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
1:52 pm	Quick update..... Not much has been going on here, well, not much to write about, which, to me, is a very good thing. I'd rather things be uneventful than totally in chaos. I FINALLY found out who my roommate is for next year. Her name's Amanda and she's an art major and I just love her! She loves the beetles and has weird obsession/fears, like me. She is so funny and I love her! We are a lot alike and I know I'm gonna totally love her for a roommate! Yay for that! I hate having all this money stuff to deal with though! Hmm...sick of nilssen's. Very sick of the deli department! Mary is so stupid-she leaves me right during the church rush and it's so frustrating. Grrrr....and....hmmmm.....I need to get a poster for my room, I've concluded and.....hmmmm...I found out Kelly didn't pass english and I had this feeling of triumph because she always tries to beat everybody at everything. She'd be done w/ reports weeks early and I'd still be reading the book...ahhh, but yes...maybe more info to come...who knows? Must be off to the dreaded deli department! Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Sadie Hawkins Dance" Relient K (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002
12:33 pm	Gettin a bit frustrated.... Yup-actually, a bit frustrated is an understatement. Very frustrated would be way more correct. So-Emily got her roommate info in the mail yesterday-and I was all excited because I figured mine MUST be there. So, yesterday Jami went to double check the mail-no roommate info. So, of course, I'm all excited, thinking that it's soo gonna be here today. So I go tot he mail and I look and....nothing. Why won't it come? I'm so weird because I start to think "maybe they forgot me" or something. Quite odd, indeed, but still! My hope now is that my roommate will have already gotten her info and call me, like, now and I'll know that way then. Crossing my fingers.... But today is quite an enjoyable, lazy day. You really appreciate doing nothing when you work the other days. Most would think that working in a grocery store, or deli for that matter would be sooo easy-but you try slicing things for 8 hours when your shoulders dislocate pretty much whenever they want...or dealing w/ customers that are made at you because there's no blue cheese-like it's my fault. Granted, while it's not as hard as a factory job, it's the whole customer thing that can make it soo very stressful. So, I'm enjoying sitting here, catching up w/ friends and knitting a scarf. I enjoy knitting. I hate to admit this, but I miss my trombone. I was playing w/ Bryan's trumpet Saturday and I really wanted my trombone. I would love to play in college next year, but I know that it'd require soo much more work. Granted, I was quite proud to be playing class A music in 2 years and to be able to learn 2 pieces of class A jazz band music in less than a week. I was quite proud to be able to play first on different pieces and how easy I picked up the whole trombone thing. I very much enjoyed that. I didn't enjoy band tests and lessons, which always makes me crazy. And I miss choir. I love music, hence why I really want to take up the guitar. I'm thinking about it...hmm...not sure yet. And then...oh ya-I don't want to leave my sister next year! I love her-she's one of my best friends, for real. It's the greatest thing to have her. We talk all the time and just go out and shop and all. And if we're not talking, it's fine. Silence feels really nice, ya konw? Not that akward try to find something to say thing. I love her and she's gonna go crazy w/ my mom next year. She won't have trav or me. I should just make her a copy of my room key because I told her-I have no classes on Thursdays and 1 class on Friday at 11-so to just come whenever she feels like it. I'm gonna miss her... All and all, it's an allright day...except for that dang roommate thing! Talk about making me very mad. Anyways...I think I'll go rent some movies or something and knit some more.... Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: "Too weak to be Strong" by Jon Sunde (Comment on this)
Monday, July 22nd, 2002
1:37 pm	Everythings coming up all peachy!!! Yay! Yay, Yay, Yay, Yay, Yay!!! I'm home on break from work and I am soooo freakin' estatic right now! I just want to jump up and down and spin around and I haven't felt like this is FOREVER! I, Nikki Peters, got a 3 on her AP English test! That's right! I passed! I know I coulda gotten a 4 had I not bombed the essays-but a 3! I won't have to take any math or any english in college! Can you believe it! I called Emily and we were both excited. Called Mrs. Hughes and she was just the greatest. She was like "I'm so happy for you. You worked so hard and it's all paid off..." I'm happy, happy, happy! Finally, a time in my life where things are all just kinda turning around! I love life when it's like this! Yay for me! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 17th, 2002
6:32 pm	FINALLY!!!! Wow, I'm so...in peace. Jami and I went to target today and on the way home she came out and said, have you been telling people that you expect dad to give you money? i said no-apparently emily told her before school got out that i was mad about her car being a lot more expensive than mine...grrr to emily for telling my sister that. but then we got on the subject of dad---which is wow because we NEVER talk about him because of our opposing views. she told me, and i'm gonna cry, that she doesn't think i'm wrong for it all. she told me that my grandma was giving my dad money to give to us because he should support my mom somehow and he has the nerve to not give it to us. talk about stealing bread from the mouth of your children. well, my mom would call my grandma to complain-because they can afford to have him in debt to them, but not her. well, one day she ended up talking to my grandpa and he totally ripped him open. jami also told me, which kinda hurt, that grandma and jodi trash me like no other for my decision-but that grandpa sticks up for me to them. that meant so much but i guess he cries about me and is scared that if he were on his death bed that i wouldn't come. that hurts. but it's not like that. and that my dad has been through 3 jobs in the past months cause he can't stand working for other people and tells them to f-it. but it was so nice to know she agrees with me. anyways...it's a nice break for once, you know? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 13th, 2002
9:51 pm	I soo am bad at this game... Anyways, way weird today, i bought sheets for my bed at college! just another way to reaffirm it, i suppose. my mom and i had a major blow-out fight that ended in her understanding that it's not just me not wanting to talk to my dad, it deals w/ my Christianity and now she's so much better at it now. she leaves me alone-which is good. it also set in that i'm gonna be soooo in debt-which really sucks. i just need to make sure to pay it all off and not end up like my father. i WILL NOT let money control my life, ever! i love my sister-but i feel bad because she has such weird sayings about marriage. like today, i told her it would be ideal for me to meet the man i'm going to marry and start dating freshman year at college and get married afterwards and the comment was "no matter how long you date,they'll change when you're married" which I refuse to accept. i can't imagine her and trav not getting married. he has done such a 360-it's awesome. he hasn't drank since oct. and he never goes and parties or anything. everyone sees him as the biggest jerk, and on the outside, he is, but he is the best when you get to know him. he's so sweet and caring and he treats my sister like she's gold. it's so amazing. even me-when i lost state office, he bought me a cookie cake w/ my name on it. no one would expect him to do that-so i hate when people judge and don't really know. it's so nice and easy to always look at people from the outside, and i know i do it a lot of times, but what i've totally learned is that a lot of times, the persona is a defense mechanism. jami is mean because of how bad she was teased in junior high, i use sarcastic humor and always agreeing, trav is cocky. it's all to hide things or keep people out. life lessons from nikki, right? well this philosepher, or however it's spelt, is gonna chat and hit the sack. Current Mood: giddy Current Music: "Hang On To You" by Delirious? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
2:19 pm	Ever Notice.... Ever notice how much crying can wear you out? It's crazy. Even if your crying had really no emotion attached to it. I'm just noting this after watching A Walk To Remember. I bawled at the movie theatre when I saw it, so I didn't think it'd still be bad to watch it, but oh my I cried and cried and I am soo wiped now. It's odd, but I think crying is such a relief too. Last night was fun. Went over to Trav's to his nintendo party-:) The guys all left to get a part they needed and jami and mary and i were bored and mad that they just left us-so we 'decorated' jake and matt's trucks w/ toliet paper and silly string and fake snow. Gosh, was that fun! Jami got sprayed majorly w/ fake snow-we were able to break into Jake's truck, driving to the gas station for toliet paper w/ a very crowded car, going forward instead of reverse and tapping the little yellow poles at the gas station, and then having matt convinced that chris witthoft did it all...quite fun indeed. But then we were sprayed w/ a hose and that wasn't so fun. I'm soo just gonna do nothing tonight and relax-gotta work tomorrow. I'd love to call in sick but I need money. Anyways-I'm tired...and getting a little frustrated about finding out about the english results...oh well though... Current Mood: tired Current Music: "So What Does This All Mean?" West, Gould, and Fitzgerald (Comment on this)
Monday, July 8th, 2002
10:55 pm	Screw Sleep 01. Favorite color: Green 02. Favorite drinks: pepsi, pepsi 1, diet mountain dew 03. Favorite computer accessory: umm, my printer? 04. Favorite cookie: chocolate chip 06. Favorite Beatle: I don't really care 07. Favorite way of getting caffeinated: anything pepsi 08. Favorite chipmunk: i liked the girl ones, remember them? 09. Favorite ice cream: raspberry rumble 10. Favorite lover: n/a 11. do you believe in love at first sight: i don't know, i've never had it happen 12. do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom: uhh, yah 13. do you put empty cartons back in the fridge: not always, only if i'm really lazy 14. do you do things you know you shouldn't: of course, i'm a human being 15. Do you take responsibility: loads 16. Do you have someone else's underwear: no 17. Do you associate with people you don't even like: yes...i have no back bone 18. Do you have any psychological disorders: i hope not 19. Do you drink diet soda: yum, way less syrupy 20. Do you kiss on the first date: nope 21. Have you masturbated in front of someone not your lover: umm...ewww...no! 22. Have you broken the law: who really hasn't 23. Have you had one too many to drink: drinking is wrong---but yes, once 23. Have you stuffed cocoa puffs up your nose: sorry,but my sister once put a rock up hers 24. Have you backed into something: how about head on hit something? oh wait-i did hit a tree 25. have you graduated high school: yes, amen! 26. have you bitten someone until the bled: nope 27. have you ever stolen a street sign: nope 28. have you ever been kissed: yes 29. have you ever been in a food fight: nope 30. have you ever sucked helium: yes, almost passed out too 31. what are you not doing: sleeping 31. what are you talking about: life 32. what are you wearing: jeans, "poly sci" shirt 33. what are you craving: peanuts and wait, apple chips 34. what are you lusting: nothing 35. what are you lacking: confidence, a good family 36. what are you going to do after this: sleep 37. what are you dependent on: Jesus 38. what are you hoping: well, life will get good, i'll marry, i'll be state officer 39. what are you reading: gosh, nothing. i need a book 40. what are you listening to: old school dc talk 41. last movie you saw: almost famous---love it 42. last person you touched: my sister 43. last person you yelled at: well,my sister-but it was about work 44. last time you got pissed: hmm...i don't konw 45. last person you told you loved: it's sad, andrea's the only one who says that to me on a regular basis 46. last thing you drank: diet dew 47. last year, what were you for Halloween: i was riding home from kentucky on a bus 48. last year, you were: a junior 49. last time you were on the phone: yesterday w/ tiffany 50. last song you heard: "Complicated" Avril Lavgne 51. do you want to get married / divorced: Married-totally 52. do you want to have children: yup 53. do you want to tell certain people off: yah but like i'd get the courage... 54. do you want to go outside: no way---mosquitoes 55. do you want to be somewhere else: who wouldn't 56. do you want to be someone else: not really-just be different body, new problems 57. do you want to be famous: I was voted most likely to be famous, so sure 58. do you want to go for a walk: not this second 59. do you want to hug anyone: that'd be way nice right now 60. do you want to make a difference: yes! 61. how do you feel about PDA: eh-depends on the amount 62. how do you feel about the other PDA: ok-what? 63. how do you feel about alternative lifestyles: well, nice people, but wrong 64. how do you feel about president bush: don't like his views on the education system 65. how do you feel about birth control: eh, better than having children in high school, if you must have sex 66. how do you feel about abusive relationships: wrong 67. how do you feel about the internet: i enjoy it 68. how do you feel about your family: well, duh-can't stand 69. how do you feel about your friends: pretty good 70. how do you feel about polygamy: not good folks 72. do you like it when it rains: depends on the mood 73. do you like to drive: not really 74. do you like to eat out: sometimes 75. do you like being home: i don't mind it 76. do you like the people (or animals) you live with: sister and dogs i like 77. do you like emo: what's emo? 78. do you like Microsoft: i don't really care 79. do you like your name: i don't mind it 80. do you like the person you ganked this from: she's not bad 81. worst musical artist: anything pop 82. worst feeling in the world: not being loved, failure 83. worst color combination: there's a lot 84. worst texture: ? 85. worst taste to burp: umm, burping in general 86. worst thing about people: non-consideration 87. worst thing about outer space: no oxygen 88. worst element on the periodic table: any of the bottom "new elements" 89. Worst disease / infection to get: cancer 90. worst position to sleep in: on a school bus in 105 weather w/ no air 91. you are: tired 92. you are: bored 93: you are: kinda feelign unloved 94. you are: wishing i was rich 95. You are: missing church 96. You are: wondering if anyone likes me 97. You are: hopeful things will get better 98. You are: apathetic 99. You are: a friend 100. You are: wanting just overall goodness to invade Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Just Between You and Me" by DC Talk (Comment on this)
10:16 pm	Thoughts... I think too much...way too much. Woo-hoo! Down w/ work for 2 days! While I know I need money like crazy, I can not stand work still...it drives me nuts. I burnt my arm really really bad on the chicken rotesarie(I have no clue how to spell). It'll leave a nice scar I bet. Got together w/ Tiffany yesterday, which was quite enjoyable. It was nice to have someone to talk to whose unattached-and just talk to in general. We saw Lilo and Stitch. I thought it looked really dumb, but it turned out to be pretty cute-fighting back major tears twice-go figure, me, cry? I have come to realize that while I was running for state office because I really wanted it and to help the members-there were other reasons too that weren't so great that I shouldn't have had. Such as 1)To make the chapter better because Mr. Wyss I think was relying on a year of goodness 2)To stay involved and make sure things run good 3)To show my family I could do it 4)Which I now realize, to push college off because I'm scared. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm so scared right now. What if I do bad? What if my roommate hates me? What if I have no friends? What if my life doesn't get better? By pushing it off, at least that semester, I was allowing myself to stay back a bit, but I know that I will grow in a different way next year. While I've had enough life lessons to last me a life time, I think this will be the kind of growing that's simpler, like getting use to myself and truly accepting me for me, no more no less. Sure, I look confident on the outside and I can put on a real good show. I mean,put me in front of 200+ people and freaking out from my dad and I can talk like no one's business. Somehow, I manage to exude confidence when I speak, but really, where does it come from, because i sure as heck don't have much of it. So, I think it will let me be more confident and comfortable in my skin. Really, I'll be more grateful when I do get state office then too. It could have gone to my head this year, but it for sure won't the next. What scares me, is that I won't get it next year. I don't know if I could handle so well another fall like that. But ya, college will be very very very helpful, but I'm so nervous. It's cool that my group orientation leader is Leslie-good friend of mine from FFA and she's a doll-so that'll be good. Waiting to get my AP results back---I really hope I get a 3. I'll be happy with a 3. Very happy. If I don't, next semester is going to suck way worse. I already know I need Bio w/ a lab, Chem w/ a lab, History, and PE, which is a class and then some activity. I hope to get into Intro to Yoga and Badminton. That's 13 credits-then hopefully, by passing out of English, I can take ag. communications! Cross my fingers, I suppose worse comes to worse, I don't test out of English and I can have that for an easy course. I'm so dang optimistic, it's weird. Teenagers aren't suppose to be optimistic. Then...I'm all mad though because I really want to be a camp counsler next summer, but i don't know how that'll work w/ me running for state office. I already gave up habitat this summer for it...which I won't get started on. But ya, grr to that. I know, I know, I'll cross that bridge when I get that---but still...I wonder. Hmmm...what else? I miss church like the dikens! Stupid work. I don't really know much else. Anyways...gonna go to bed...I need to set up a checking account tomorrow. My mom's letting my sister get a credit card. Think she would have let me get one last year--NOPE! She never ever will trust me. I yell at her so much, it's bad, but she needs to treat me like an adult. She does Jami and I'm older. She can't regisiter that I can single-handedly plan a banquet for 200 people-so why can't I manage a check book? Or make it at college. I can't wait to leave her. Anyways...bed Nikki, bed! Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: "Only Hope" Switchfoot (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 30th, 2002
9:12 pm	Real Board..and my foot hurts soo bad I can't walk!!! I'm soo bored and can't move right now...the pain, the pain-so I'm going attempt to entertain myself on this thing, seeing as I can't find the book I was reading. 1> Have u ever stood on a boulevard in the middle of the road and waved at random cars as they passed? Yes-in downtown Cleveland on a Mission Trip, then Mrs.Burnham said we were like blonde virgin goddesses to these people and to not! <2> Did they wave back? Hmm, I'm not sure-probably some. <3> Are you one of those annoying people that scream "No I will not have sex with you!" in the middle of the movie? No, I get way into any movie I'm watching. <4> Do you have a headache? Just a foot ache <5> Do you have cabin fever? Not really-too hot out <6> Are you doing spring cleaning? heavens no-though i really need to <7> Do you like the Offspring? some songs <8> Does your name have a W in it? not unless you spell nikki w/ a w <9> What's your favorite color? green <10> Do you know what circumcision is? yes <11> One pillow or two? one pillow <12> Last place you went in a car? to work <13> What color was the car? icky red <14> What are you wearing? jeans, and a yellow shirt <15> How many bathrooms are in your house? 2 <16> Fat Lip or In Too Deep? in too deep? i guess <17> Weirdest color you've painted a room in your house? teal <18> Is your hair wet? not really <19> Who's hotter, Josh Hartnett or Chad Michael Murray? i guess josh because i don't know the other <20> Do you even know who Chad Michael Murray is? no idea <21> What does your shower curtain look like? it's black <22> What was the last thing you said? shut up harley! (the bird) <23> Are you talking to anyone on instant messenger? yes <24> What do your slippers look like? i threw them out because they were all old <25> Where do you keep your vacuum? the entrance to our basement <26> Are you wearing deodorant? why wouldn't you? <27> Are there any ceilings in your house that aren't white? nope <28> Do you like to go into chat rooms and annoy people? no <29> Who would you want to be stuck in an elevator with? i would never wan't to be stuck in an elevator! <30> Are you ghetto fabulous? i'm not sure if that's a good thing...but if it is, sure <31> Do you like stickers? mostly <32> Do you like Mad Libs? somedays <33> Have you ever volunteered? heavens yes <34> Where is the nearest Kleenex box located? we don't actually keep kleenex around <35> Don't you hate school Kleenex? well, if you consider toliet paper kleenex-that's why you load up from those teachers with the good stuff <36> Have you ever given head? ok, that's just gross <37> Are you suicidal? no <38> Crawling or In The End? crawling <39> Is your window open? no <40> What was the last pair of shoes you bought? pair of sparkly flip-flops <41> Do you have a little brother? nope <42> does he draw you cute pictures? he can't cause i don't have one <43> Do you have an older brother? nope <44> Does he have hot friends? can't answer <45> Where do your grandparents live? amery and range and clear lake <46> Do you have a rubber chicken? no <47> What do you think of when you hear the word click? the keyboard <48> Are you a moron? who isn't? <49> Do you cut yourself? only on the paper bags at work <50> What do you do during study hall? well, i use to work on FFA stuff during one, and chat in the other <51> Does your school have open campus? nope-well my new school (ahhh, college) does <52> What's your favorite salad dressing? french <53> Do you like trampolines? yes-except when crazy people are on them because i could be jumped to death--lol, kelly and tiffany <54> Do you like cheese? yes, i'm from wisconsin <55> Which is better, tank tops, halter tops, tube tops or none of the above? tank tops <56> Did you see American Pie 2? i didn't <57> Have you ever accidentally sucked somethin up in the vacuum? yes-many things <58> Do you talk to Smarterchild? ummm, who? <59> How old will you be in 30 years? 48 <60> Who will you be in the 30 years? i don't know-probably an older version of me <61> How will you dress in 30 years? like a teacher <62> Are you deaf? sometimes <63> Are you blind? no <64> What do you think of depressed people? well---that's a huge long thing-i know what it's like but i'm not as patient as i should be because i've been through it all and yet, i don't cling to it i guess. help is out there. <65> What are you eating? nothing <66> Last movie you rented? gosh-don't remember-the perks of having your sister's boyfriend own a video store <67> Last movie you saw in the theater? spiderman <68> Would you consider yourself sexy? i hope not <69> Haha 69!!! ok? <70> Have you ever made up a song to remember something for a test? lol, oh yeah <71> Have you ever been to Canada? i don't think so <72> Doesn't it suck? i've heard that <73> Have you ever been to California? nope <74> Have you ever been to Nebraska? i've been through nebraska <75> Do you have braces? i did back in the day <76> What color are they? the traditional ones <77> Who was the last person you talked to on im? james <78> Last thing you ate? the candy bar emily bought me at work w/ penny money <79> Is your hair straight, wavy, or curly? straight <80> What time is it? 9:26 <81> What did you do today? i worked...and worked...that's all <82> Cowdance.com or Hamsterdance.com? never been to either <83> Are you a vegetarian? only during lent <84> What's your locker number? 235? <85> What's the combination? gosh, i already forgot-hey, just remembered-i should be getting my ap results soon!!! <86> Wanna make out? no thank you <87> You guys want some cookies? no thank you <88> Are you comfy? well, if my foot felt better <89> Right now, who is all in your house? me, mom, lady, duke, harley, jami, trav <90> Are you paranoid? i am-but i generally have a reason for it <91> Are you only filling this out to avoid doing your homework? if school was in, yes <92> Do you like the name Jimmy? not so much <93> What do you think of when you hear the name Mark? my dead uncle mark-and getting yelled at <94> Kristin? king <95> Zoe? zoegirls <96> Jamie? sister <97> Adam? hagen-oh that kid's a riot <98> Carmen? heather from spanish class <99> Do you like Michelle Branch? in the beginning, but you can only listen to a song so long <100> Where would you like to be now? in montana <101> Weirdest thing that happened to you recently? not really sure, my life is pretty weird in general <102> Craziest thing you did recently? nothing really-wait, went on the octopus w/ kelly-yes, i live a wild life <103> Do you have to pee? no <104> Do you like fluffy yogurts? if it's that whip stuff-oh yes <105> Don't you hate that when you have to watch the baby being born in health class? if it wasn't so purple looking, it wouldn't be so bad <106> Do you like the Sims? i don't know what that is <107> Do you like away messages? what's the point of them <108> Isn't that weird how hair gets lighter in the sun but skin gets darker? actually, my skin gets pink <109> Do you burn or tan? burn <110> Scotch tape or masking tape? scotch-get for free from andrea <111> Frozen yogurt or ice cream? either <112> Do you like pineapple on your pizza? no <113> How about anchovies? that's wrong <114> Do you have people on your buddy list that u never talk to? not really <115> Do you close the lid after you pee? yes <116> Do you go to church? when i don't have to work...stupid work <117> Pen or pencil? pen <118> Do you have any of those mechanical pencils that cost like $6? yes-i can't use a normal pencil <119> Aren't they a waste of your money? not if you keep them <120> Are you parents divorced? yes-now ask how many times (4) <121> Do they hate each other? no-though i wish they did <121> Do you talk to losers? why shouldn't i <122> If you like rainbows, does that mean you're gay? see-i don't get that-rainbows are a promise of God's love-so i'm not all about it being gay-related <123> Do you make a wish at 11:11? yes-doesn't work <124> Do you celebrate St. Nick's Day? yes <125> What song is in your head? GSF <126> Do you want to be like Jared? don't know him <127> Have you ever shaved? yes <128> Do you like Oreos with peanut butter? didn't know they existed <129> Is your hair its natural color? the top part <130> What color are your nails? pinkish-like a nail <131> Do you have a backpack? i need a new one <132> What color is it? i don't know <133> Does it have keychains and buttons and stuff on it? no <134> Do you fake sick a lot? not too often <135> What time is it now? 9:34 <136> Do your relatives get along? nope <137> Who is cooler, your mom's relatives or dad's relatives? how about my ex-stepmom's <138> Have your eyes been the same color your whole life? why would they change <139> What's the earliest memory you have? watching seaseme street <140> Is it true that the early bird gets the worm? yes <141> Have you ever played Monopoly? yes <142> Did you see the movie Get Over It? yup <143> Do you like Jimmy Eat World? yup <144> What about Ludacris? ewww <145> Monsters Inc or Shrek? neither! <146> Do you like to abuse people's guestbooks on their web site? not really <147> Aren't babies overrated? some are-but in general, no <148> Do you have any kids? no sir <149> Do you wish you did (if you don't)? i'm 18.... <150> How long did this take you? quite a bit <151> Aren't you glad it's over? kinda-some of the questions were way weak :( i'm gonna have to wake up early tomorrow and see how my foot is-if it's not better by tomorrow morning i'll have to go to the dr. and call work because there's no way i'll be able to work. that'd be awful if i sprained my ankle at college-all that walking. jeez, when i did that last year it was soo bad because it was during the winter and my crutches and i kept slipping and the whole fact that i couldn't go up steps w/ them and i ended up re-spraining it doing the stairs at a church...oh the klutz that i am. that's why i want yoga and badmiton at college. ok--off to do something more entertaining now... Current Mood: sore Current Music: "Chick Magnet" by MxPx (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 27th, 2002
10:09 pm	work and college and family.... i can not stand working at nilssen's much longer. i may go crazy. they are just so stupid. well, i should be fair, not they, tammy and larry. 3 years and only $6/hr is sooo not enough. they want me to work in the deli, then they don't want me in the deli-it gets really frustrating, but you know me, can't say no to anyone. and stupid tammy-my sister can't clean for more than 2 hours because last summer when she did i had to take her to the emergency room she got so sick from the chemicals-and yet she schedules her still to clean. i don't get it. i can not wait to just move on to college. i hope college goes well. my schedule is easy this semester-next semester is going to suck. i'll need chem w/ a lab, bio w/ a lab, english if i don't pass the ap exam, gym, and history. then emily gets all mad at me simply because i did well on the placement test. i tested into precalc., and because my major only requires algebra, they said i don't need to take a math class-and she gets mad because she has to take things not related to her major. what am i suppose to do? it's not like i can help it. it's good for me because i'm soo not a math person. i don't know. then...college is soo darn expensive! i'm lucky i got scholarships and a loan that pays the interest and work study--but my mom has to pay, like over $4000 before sept. 15. i just...wow. and if my dad supposedly has so much money, why can't he chip in...ever. if 'wants' to be a part of my life, why doesn't he bother to help out. yup, that'd be my wonderful, manipulative father. i'm so scared of running into him that i just start to shake thinking about it. everytime i see him i hyperventalate-it's awful. he stopped by earlier this week when my sister was asleep and rather than answering the door i ran into the bathroom and got into the shower, so i had a reason not to get the door. it's awful! everytime i think i hear a car pull up, i run to the bathroom to look out the window. if someone even knocks on the door i have to figure out who it is beforehand or i will not even answer it. same with the phone---i won't answer to his number or to my godmom's-because he's called from there before. i even hung up on my grandparents because it was them...and said it was 'phone troubles'. i can not wait til i have a normal life next year. he better not get my phone number or i will be so mad. i want out of this town and to be able to start all over. while i was in school, sure i was pretty lucky, i did quite well in a lot of things, but there was always the pain hidden beneath from him-the wondering of how to explain my relationship w/ him when people ask, wondering if he'll just randomly show up at things. i'll never forget prom-when i had my hair appt. when him and my grandparents were to come over to see my sister (they tricked me last year) and he walks into the hair place and i just glare at him and he points at me and says "she's paid for". i was soo mad. i still do. makes himself look like the freakin' saint and great father. woop-de-do-paying for my hair-what about the expenses of graduating-oh wait, that's right, my ex-step mom was the one to throw me a party because my family didn't want to, and then they get mad when they find out that she is. you can't offer to throw a party a month before! and the nerve-telling andrea to end all contact w/ me-"if you love something you'll let it go and if it comes back then you know you did it right" my foot! i seriously think the church my uncle goes to is like a cult. it's so unhealthy. the way he thinks that when HE prays it'll work, as oppose to everyone elses prayers. his son is such an amazing person, and amazing christian-and he doesn't get it. i don't ever know how family situation will ever resolve itself. while i really want no contact w/ them and their evilness, i wonder how i'll feel when they die-not being morbid. i just see them in this continuous circle of lies and depression and repression and i do not my life to get stuck into that. i want to be successful and happy in my job and to marry once the person i love and to just be happy-i don't want to be depressed and angry and suicidal and financially screwed up. i don't want any of it. the definition of stupidity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting different results from it. wow-didn't know that all was building up in me-at all. wow. i am fortunate though-i'm saved, i love my sister, i have awesome friends, i get to go to college-no matter how expensive-and i know that i can turn my life around and that, in the end, it will all somehow work itself out. i shouldn't ever get to distressed. Current Mood: groggy Current Music: "Rock and Roll Girl" by MxPx (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 20th, 2002
2:47 pm	Quiz happy... I'm taking lots of quizes...so deal :)Hopefully I post these right because I've never did it before. Take the Bear Quiz by Krysten What Jelly Belly flavor are you? I'm - Find your flavor here! Which Kiss Are You? You are Classical! Intelligant, romantic, and civil, you are Classical music. Commonly associated with class and style, your main themes are romance, passion, and drama. Many see you as a well balanced person with few, if any, major faults. You work, you pay your taxes, you live the American dream. You are what most people would call normal. Whether it's a casual dinner at home or a formal mixer, you have an undeniable charm about you. Though some people would say that very charm is pretension personified. Take the what music genre are you quiz by PsychosisX! Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel. Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz Which Season are you? Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Peace of Mind" by DC Talk (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
6:05 pm	Me....Blah.... Well...So, State Convention...Yah...Well, most importantly...I didn't get state office. But, BUT, now I'm not just saying this, it is a truly for reasons of God's that I didn't. The reasons being 1)that Matt is the new president-Matt as in the state officer who hated me and I have had it confirmed. 2)the team is like, all girls, which will mean catty and I know God wants my experience to be great and 3)because now Angie and I have become really good friends. All I can say is thank you God for protecting me! While it hurts, I do see the reasons now and it feels a lot better. I can't say convention was a total failure. I place 4th at state for extemp. which was absolutely AWESOME! Seriously, placing 1st would have felt just as great as 4th felt! For real! Then, my team placed 1st for the 1st ever Opening/Closing Ceremonies contest. We will forever go down in history for that, which is really cool. I had fun, for the most part. I had the chance to see kids I haven't seen forever, which was way good. Discovered that Cindy's little sisters are the sweetest...and, go figure...I've got a stupid crush. Stupid, stupid me. I've made the decision to call him at 7. I tried to at 3 and ended up freaking out. I think he might like me...well, maybe I thought so...but I could be wrong...Ahhh! I do need to ask him a question anyway. He said that greg liked me and if that's true, I'm feeling pretty awkard emailing greg and all...so I would kinda like to know if that was true or not. That's my reason for calling I guess. If any other conversation comes up, well, I don't know. Stupid boys...Ahhh! So, me, normally the not nervous, smile and handle everything girl is nervous. Grr Nikki Grr. I wish...I don't know, it all was so much easier, but I suppose if that was true, than all the good things wouldn't be as great. Oh well...I'm going to go count the time down...Ahhh! :) Nikki Current Mood: restless Current Music: "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 9th, 2002
5:40 pm	Nervous, Nervous, Nervous..... well, if it isn't evident by the title to my post-i'm soo stinkin' nervous! not so much for speaking contests, though it would be nice to make it into the finals for something-but i'm grateful for getting this far, and as the great doc says "you've already achieved your goals, the rest is just gravy." i am so nervous for state office. i have interviews tomorrow. i don't know how i'd react if i didn't make it in the top 2. my stomach tosses and turns right now. if i didn't make it into the top 2, i think i would become seriously depressed. i want this soo bad. it would just be such a boost for me and i know that i would do so well and be so considerate of everyone and encouraging and helping. how many others running didn't do things in high school if it would risk ruinging the chances for state office. maybe it would have been fun to go to the drunk baccleaurate party just to see, but no, because i could have gotten caught there. no one else did that. i tried to be diversified, even when i didn't enjoy stuff i was doing. i worked my butt off soo much and even let my grades go 2nd for FFA. that's how much i want this. i only hope the members can see that and see how sincere i am and how much fun we would have. i hope they realize it. i just want to puke-i eat cause i'm nervous but that upsets my stomach-but then i get more nervous and eat and more sick-ahh! dear Lord- find me to be in Your favor with this. You are the first and foremost thing in my life. i live only to exemplify You and Your awesome grace and compassion. You know my heart and know how much this means to me. i truly think all of the experiences i've had that have been just awful, including miss c.l. were necessary to humble me for this experience, and more importantly to be a servant for You. You know what is best and while i hope and pray that i get it, if i don't, i will need some major comforting that only You will be able to provide. You're gonna have to relight my path in life. it's so hard because, i've struggled through so much in life, this is something that i really want and i don't want to fall again. i've done it enough. my Jesus, my Savior, my God, protect me. help me. keep me in Your sight and in your precious favor. i love You. Nikki Current Mood: nervous Current Music: "What if I stumble" by DC Talk (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
2:58 pm	I'm soo extremely nervous.... So-My state FFA Convention is June 10-well, that's when it all starts and I am seriously scared to death right now. maybe scared isn't the right term, but nervous. i've never been nervous like this before. my stomach is seriously spinning. i've got 12 days to convention and i'm going crazy. it's awful! i want state office soo bad that i can only dream about it. getting my candidate info in the mail really made me snap into reality that it's really happening. something i've been dreaming about for 4 years is now happening. i'm running against 3 other girls. i'm going to be brutally honest about it all. 3 other girls is good. i could see a boy been picked simply because he was a boy. hannah really never did much so i don't think she'll have the knowledge. laura-wow, i'm shocked that she's running. i just can't see it. angie has the chapter of barron. i pray that i make it to the top 2. i can't picture not getting that far. if i didn't i don't know what i'd do. wow. this would all be way easier if i was the only one running from section 1. i just, i have wanted this for so long and so bad that i would be crushed if someone else were to get it. i want to make changes. i want things to be fair. i want to serve and help everybody. it's bad but i've been slacking on my speaking contests simply because of this. i really should start getting ready for them as well. this all is just...wow...i don't know. i'll be going crazy that tues. i've got 3 contests right in a row and there's suppose to be a mandatory meeting-but,oddly enough, it is scheduled pretty much when i compete. it's all great. i'm just, wow-nervous. so-that's me and my current state of mind. Current Mood: nervous Current Music: "Too weak to be Strong" by Jon Sunde (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
5:27 pm	Survey thingy +first grade teacher's name: Ms. Will +last word you said: bye +last song you sang: "Too weak to be Strong" +last person you hugged: Andrea +last thing you laughed at: something emily said +last time you said 'I love you': to Andrea tonight (my ex-stepmom) +last time you cried: i don't really remember Present +what's in your cd player: Sawyer Brown-Live in Concert (I was there) +what's under your bed: i'm too scared to look +what time did you wake up today: Around 7:30 Future +where do you want to go: anywhere other than here w/ a remote chance for me to have a shot at hapiness +what is your career going to be: ag. teacher w/ a minor in english +where are you going to live: i really don't know-hopefully some town under a couple thousand +how many kids do you want: 2 or 3 +what kind of car will you have:something shiny and from the late 90's i hope +current taste: strawberries +current hair: dark blonde, below shoulders-needs a trim +current clothes: Black pants and a white tank top +current annoyance: work...always work +current smell: Happy +current longing: to hurry up and find the one i'm suppose to marry +current desktop picture: just blue +current favorite artist: jon sunde +current book: just finished poisonwood bible +current worry: That life will never get better-MAIN WORRY: Not getting state ffa office!!! +current time-wasting wish: looking up info +current hate: my nervousness +story behind your lj username: it's my yahoo id-busbrat because a kid whose dad is in the army would be an army brat and my dad owned a bus company. nikkikay-first/middle name. hey-i was like, 14 when i did it +current favorite article of clothing: anything comfy +favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: Eyes,their heart/soul +last CD that you bought: spirits w/ sway by jon sunde +favorite place to be: anywhere but here +least favorite place: home +strong in mind or strong in body: mind +time you wake up in the morning: whenever i have to-normally not after 9 +if you could play any instrument, what would it be: well, i took up the trombone and i've pretty much got it covered-i'm dying to play the guitar +favorite color: My favorite color would be green +do you believe in an afterlife? totally +how tall are you? 5'10 +current favorite word: it's a phrase "this is true" +favorite book: i don't really know right now +favorite season: spring-well, when it actually occurs +one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk:marci +one person you wish was here right now: jacob or brad-i could totally use a good laugh right now +favorite day: i'm not really sure-thursday maybe +type a line you remember from any book: "my dear chuck" from macbeth +a line from the last thing you wrote to someone: i'll quite babbling and thanks! +a random lyric: "I would be john lennon and would you be my yoko ono, and i would call you on the telephone-oh it'd be grand-to be in a rock and roll band" +identify some things surrounding your computer: books-calculating machince-printer-fax-pictures-my keys--that's all i'll type cause there's a lot. ~I'm in a very blah mood-that's all. Current Mood: blah Current Music: "Looking For Love in All the Wrong Places" by Sawyer Brown (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 21st, 2002
7:15 pm	Graduation.... Graduation-what is suppose to be one of the greatest events ever for a student, is, like every other supposedly good thing in my life, been ruined. My party was fine. Craig and Kathy and Brent came. I was just waiting to get yelled at by Craig seeing as he finds it proper to yell at Andrea. I can't believe he even suggested the idea of cutting off contact between us for 6 months to see what happens. Nuh-I'll tell ya what happens-I get even more mad at the family and at Andrea. I'm so glad she told him that she wasn't going to leave me like everyone else in my life. Anyways-so it's all going fine and then-graduation. I get there way early to warm up my trombone and i see all sitting in a row-grandma, grandpa, dad, jodi?, and craig. yup-after i specifically said that i DID NOT under no circumstances wan thtem present at MY graduation-key word-MY! so-i run back into the band room upset and craig has the nerve to follow me in. "we still love you and want to show support for you" (me-i said i didnot want you here) "nikki, you need to forgive" (me-you don't know) "what then, tell me. tell me" (me-you need to leave here-people are warming up their instruments) Duh-why would you do this A)in front of everyone and B)on graduation day! like i could explain it all-and like he would really listen anyways. please now. so there they sat-staring at me. i didn't smile once at graduation. oh wait-yes i did-those fake ones to see if i could psych them out or something or to see if it would help-when, of course, it did not. why would they ruin that day for me. my ffa banquet-fine, i can have another. but my graduation can never be repeated ever. i hated it. it's like the last event i have in life is my marriage-which-i refuse to let them attend. i absolutely refuse. it will be invite only and there will be people checking invitations. that day will not be ruined for that is like, one of my last days to have special and happy. i've got state convention this year-but if i get state office-they will not be going down. i refuse once again. i can't believe they ruined my day like this and this will take a very long time for me to move on from. a very long time. and then...my aunt nancy has the nerve to call and apologize-now, the apologizing, fine, that's cool. but who does she apologize to??? MY MOM! as if my mom was the one that she totally confronted and yelled at. i'm the one who had a stomach ache and broke out from for a week and a half-my mom had found out simply when i went off at her one day when she made me mad. Lord God-when will my day of peace come? i pray that all this hurt is necessary to get me ready to be a state ffa officer-as if it is to humble me and tear me apart so i can be built up again right. i don't know what to think or do God. i realize this must be handed up to you and no one else-but why must they insist on this constant cycle of just, dumbness and chaos and confrontations and just evilness? when will my day come to be lifted above all this and into a place that is completely filled with your sunshine, your warmth, and your love. hide my underneath your wings so they may not find me. lord, keep me safe in your refuge until the evil has left this life that i live on this earth. i realize that this is just a vacation here until i go home-but i just want a couple of days of 'fun in the sun'. Lord-only you can do this. please just enter me and fill me full of peace and mercy and grace and whatever else you want to bless me with. it's only with your actions that this mess will be made good. Lord-please,anything to allow me to be close to you as your daughter and you as my one and only dad. Amen Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: "Dear Lord" by Sonicflood (Comment on this)
Monday, May 13th, 2002
8:18 pm	ALPHABET A - Age: 18 B - Best Quality: being able to speak in large crowds C - Choice Of Meat: chicken D - Dream Date: I don't know E - Ex (most recent): don't really have one F - Favorite Food: cashews/peanutes, green salad, and dill pickles G - Greatest Accomplishment: Going to state in extemp, parli, and discussion meet H - Happiest Day of Your Life: I don't really know right now-maybe one where i don't have upsetting news I - Internal conflicts: To be weak and side with the evil of my father or to go through w/ the agony of not K - Kool-Aid: strawberry or lemonade L - Love: i wish i could find it right now! M - Most Valued Thing I Own: my christianity N - Name: Nikki O - Outfit You Love: comfy pants and a hooded sweatshirt P - Pizza Toppings: cheese and pepperoni Q - Question you want to ask: whom i suppose to marry S - Sport To Watch: gymnastics T - Television Show: 7th heaven and Survivor U - Unique habit: I can only eat skittles in groups of 2 by color V- Voice Your opinion: people-seniors-grow up! drinking is not mature, it's not cool, it's downright gross and disgusting. Same goes for premarital sex. And also-i'm not a doormat-so please, dont' wipe your feet all over me. W - Winter: when it's not icy Y - Year Born: 1984 Z - Zodiac Sign: Capricorn Current Mood: good Current Music: "Greater Than" by Riley Armstrong (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 12th, 2002
7:58 pm	UPDATE Wow-I haven't written in what feels like forever. Well-a lot has happened since then. Hmm-where to start-happy or not happy? Well-the good: only 4 school days left til I graduate! 4! can you believe it? i'm so happy. it's like, finally-i can move on in one way or another. it'll be nice. at least, i hope so. too much bad...the simplest would be that my parli team is full of a bunch of losers. that's harsh-but they don't even try. they're taking for granted going to state because they have. they don't know what it's really like to lose. they don't care. i've worked my butt of for 4 years in parli and i pull the team. it's even obvious to the judges. if they seriously don't kick their butts into gear i'm dropping us out of contest. here's the deal-i've got state office, extemp. and discussion to prepare for. i don't need this. it'd help to drop out actually. so-as of right now-whatever. The real bad-freakin' aunt nancy. so i'm at the turtle lake ffa awards banquet-like i have been the past 3 years-wait rewind. on the way up i told mr. wyss i was scared she'd make a scene or something and he assured me he believed she wouldn't be that rude-and the thing is, i believed him. so we're eating and she walks up and is like 'nikki, i need to talk to you'. so i go off into a corner w/ her-she's like 'did you get my birthday card/letter' n:yes a:well, what did you think of it? n:i didn't think anything of it. i don't agree with it so i don't know. a:why didn't you respond? n: i didn't know i had to-you even wrote in it that i didn't have to. a:well, i thought you would. nikki-i know what's going on.why are you doing this to your grandma and grandpa? n:you don't know what all happened... a:they've told me everything and i think i know andrea well enough to know what happened. n: i realize but that's one side and you weren't there the nights things happened you don't konw. a:well, why are you doing this-your grandparents didn't do anything. n:they enable him. they let my dad do what he does. always have. a:nikki-you make mistakes and we forgive you- n:i make mistakes, but i also take my mistakes and try to learn from them and change.... a: ok-your dad made a mistake.. n:my dad repeats them and doesn't care. (blah, blah) a: well, your being selfish. my husband died and my son died. you have no right...etc. n: i understand you're just trying to help the situation out and all but you don't know. i appreciate your concern but i can't handle this-i'm graduating in 5 days and i don't need this. a: your dad couldn't even go to your ffa banquet. do you even want him at graduation? n:no, i don't. a:but i bet you'll have andrea there. n:yes i will a:hmph n:this isn't the time or the place to be doing this. i appreciate what your trying to do but you shouldn't be doing this here... a:how can you wear that ffa jacket? you don't deserve to be wearing that jacket and representing your community. you're breaking the code of ethics. n: where in the code of ethics does it talk about this? a:mean stuff... n: more of this isn't the place... a:how can you stand here wearing that ffa jacket-i bet your running for state office too. n:yes i am a:ha-how dare you..i don't think you should be wearing that ffa jacket- n:thanks for your opinion- a:walks away n:runs through the banquet hall bawling... ~ya-that's what i had to deal w/ tuesday. i can't believe her. how dare she say i can't wear my ffa jacket? i've worked 6 years for that coat-she knows nothing of what i'm going through. i can't believe her. such a witch. it's just crazy. and here i am-like almost a week later still upset and reeling from it. i just wanted to scream at her and tell her how wrong she was. i wanted to give her a piece of a my mind and let her know how dumb and rude she is. what a hypocrite she was being and how her opinion really doesn't matter. that she's evil and i don't want to associate with evil. how wrong. i'm just so-hurt. now was not the time for this encounter. oh ya-i also said i didn't want to write to add to fire-but ohhh-how it was like a dagger to my heart. if my cindy hadn't been there i don't know what i would have done. she is a godsend to me. this is mean-but when nancy walked across the stage to get a certificate-we were like, up front and cindy sat and hissed really loudly at her.:) ohh-my dear. anyways-that's what i've been going through this past week. i'm scared to death that he's gonna pull something. i just shake thinking of it. anyways-i'm gonna stop typing now. Nikki Current Mood: crushed Current Music: "This is the air I breathe" by Rebecca St. James (Comment on this)