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Tuesday, February 11, 2003
"I'm a strange, despotic, unpredictable madman, too, you know"
Even if it is satire, this Onion piece has a real good point...
posted on 4:30 PM
Fox-Tease
OK, so how gypped did all you Joe Millionaire fans feel last night?
I mean, I should have known better. With one more week to go, even though they said they would announce who he chose last nite, deep down I just knew that it would be a rehash and a cliffhanger. But jeezus. Hope against hope, and what do you get? Regurgition and 2 stupid walks in the woods. Pah.
I'm disgusted.
But of course ill be watching the 2 hour finale next week.
Cuz I'm just that stupid.
[Ed. Note: Go Zora Go! Don't let the 'ho win. Tie her up in the corner and wrap her mouth in duct tape if needed. Although she might like that ...]
posted on 3:11 PM
How fast can you spank it?
Love your monkey, man. Make sure your sound is on for the full effect... and don't say I didn't warn you. If you go blind, it ain't my fault.
[Props to Miki and Tala for the link]
posted on 2:10 PM
Monday, February 10, 2003
Never send a man to do a woman's job
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him todeath with the chair."
Moral of the story: Women are evil. Don't mess with them. [Props to pal Duncan for the story]
Snow Day
It's no surprise that our dogs love snow. I mean, come on. For Swiss dogs, snow is like mother's milk. Or is that chocolate. Hmm.. nevermind..
ANYHOW, these pups just can't get enough of the snow. They eat it. They roll in it. They chase each other in it. They dig in it. They romp in it. It's like their own private weather system and nothing else in the world matters to them. That is, until it's time to come in and have a human dry them off (they love this, don't ask me why).
So the ground shakes as they gallop through the snow, leap the small trees, and slide into home. Literally. And often with varying degrees of accuracy. (make mental note: gaining traction on snowy steps is harder for 4 legs).
Who can blame 'em. Snow rocks. And the only thing that rocks more is our yard in the snow. And not in a Norman Rockwell way either -- in a real "people live here and this is how things should be" way. The only thing missing from the picture? A Berner Snowman.
Yeah. Ok. That may be too ambitious. The snow just does that to me. :)
posted on 11:17 AM
Thursday, February 06, 2003
Way to Go, You.
Oh, treat yourself to a little flattery. You deserve it.
Fur Real
We bought our first real vacuum this weekend. And I for one feel like such a grown up
Not a souped up dustbuster. Or a hyped up swiffer. A real, honest to goodness, suck-the-life-out-of-your-rug vacuum cleaner. I couldn't bring myself to get one with the icky old fashioned bags, so after seeing the "Racing underground" Bissel ad for the millionth time, I conceded. And I have to say -- it rocks.
On Miki's first vacuuming experience, he tackled our living room rug, the one where the dogs lounge on a daily basis. And what we emptied from the handy-dandy plastic cup was shocking.
You could have made a whole new Bernese Mountain Dog from what was in there. We were stunned. I mean, we knew that they shed. Alot. Ok, more than alot. Excessively. But they're so cute, you sorta forget. But.. jeezus... There was to be SOME use for all that fur, right? Seems a shame to just throw it away.
Which brings me to the most unusual use of eBay I've seen yet. (thanks to Allura for finding it and Jess for bringing it to my attention after hearing of Miki's Ninja Vaccum experience)
Maybe we'll team up with the auctioneer and create a BMD Hair Donation Center. Who knows. Maybe we can find a way to cure something with it.
posted on 9:45 AM