Ronald Reagan kicked so much ass throughout the years that he deserves his memory to be honored. In the spirit of Reagan, our tributes to him should show optimism to the future or help continue the fight against tyrrany.
One idea I have is a Horrors of Communism Memorial. I've been to the Holocaust Memorial and it's quite a chilling thing. While the Holocaust Memorial is a solemn reminder of the depravity people are capable of, a Communism Memorial would not only feature the violence of the past but also the violence of today's Communist regimes. It would help remind people why the fight needs to continue today. I think Reagan would approve of that.
Other ideas to honor Reagan:
* Put Reagan on Mount Rushmore: He should go up there with the other greats. I'm not sure if there is room, though, so we may have to carve over one of those already up there. We can't touch Teddy or Lincoln since they're Republicans, so my vote goes for Thomas "let's solve problems with embargos" Jefferson.
* The Reagan Raygun: Since he was a big proponent of a missile shield, let's finally complete SDI and have a laser named after him that can shoot missiles out of the sky, shoot missile off of the ground, shoot the heads off of people, etc.
* A Giant Among Men: Reagan's legacy will never be forgotten if we make a fifty-story robot of him that has glowing red eyes and breathes fire. It can stomp through jungles and the primitives there will begin to worship Reagan as the god of death.
* This Bean is For You: How about special editon Jelly Belly jellybeans in honor of Ronald Reagan with special jelly bean names like Commie-killer cinnamon, Gernada Grape, and a mystery flavor called "I do not recall." And they can just have the good beans this time and none of those filler ones no one likes like coconut and toasted marshmellow (if you actually like those flavors, then get off my site!).
* The Way of the Ancients: Make his tomb a giant pyramid for all to see. Make sure it curses all liberals who enter it... or touch it... or look at it... or hear of it. Come to think of it, let's just curse all liberals in Reagan's memory.
* It's All in Good Fun: Make February 6th, Reagan's birthday, National Beat a Hippie for the Gipper Day. You can just see Reagan smiling down upon us as some freaky long hairs get their learning at the end of a fist.
* Mass Exodus: Reagan didn't like Democrats, so a great way to honor him would be to get them all out of elected office. This can be done either with the ballot box or pitch forks and torches.
* Fight the Good Fight: The best way to honor Reagan's memory would be to continue to fight for what's right in America and all other countries. In every action in every day, whether those actions be big or small, we should strive for a freer world, never forgetting the hardships of those who got us here or the hardships that will be needed to continue to perserve our way of life.
Okay, that last one was kind of sappy, but I miss Reagan and want to make sure his legacy continues.
If you have your own ideas for ways to honor Reagan's memory, whether serious or humorous, put them in the comments section.
Cpl. Joe foo' tells me that Ronald Reagan meant a lot to people in the military, as he always saluted. "One of the worst things than not saluting is not returning a salute."
In a way, I think our currently fighting is an extension of Reagan's optimism, that a brighter future is possible even a land that seems to have been war-torn forever.
Anyway, here are more explanations by readers of why they joined the military. I still have a lot of stories waiting to be posted, but, if you'd like to give your own explanation of why you joined the military or have a military story, please e-mail me with the subject "Military". Thanks.
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Jeff from Connecticut writes:
I joined the military in 1987. I don't come from a poor family. I was not unemployed when I went in. The military was not the only job I could get in those unfortunate economic times. I enlisted so I could get money for college.I was 25 when I enlisted in the Army, several years older than most typical recruits. I had gone to college for a couple of years, blew it off, then joined the working world. Once I came to my senses and realized that the best way to get a decent, good paying job in an office was through college, I was faced with a decision: I could take 97 years of part time night school to get my degree (and that was an optimistic time frame, given my total lack of self-discipline), or I could suck up a couple of years in the military, take some classes while I was in, then get out and finish up my degree on Uncle Sam's dime. I chose the latter course.
It worked out. I was in for over 6 years (I re-upped once so the wife and I could squeeze out a young 'un), I finished college in 2.5 years and now I'm a corporate drone earning in the top quintile. For all of the weenies who believe that the military is the job of last resort for low-income or unemployed people, I know first hand that's a crock of dung. Surely there are some people who went in for those reasons, but they were in the minority. Most of the people I served with were in exactly the same boat as I: looking for a way to fund college without saddling their families with the tab or coming out with a boatload of debt. Some folks liked the military life enough to make it a career. And a good career it is. You serve your country in an immediate, fulfilling, and meaningful way, you get to do all manner of cool things like fly in and jump out of helicopters and airplanes, you get 30 days of paid vacation starting from year 1, you are REQUIRED to shoot and blow up stuff, and you can retire with full lifetime benefits (pension, free health care, commissary privileges, etc) after 25 years. If you go in when you're 18, you can get out when you're 43 and have a whole other civilian career.
Is the military life hard? Sure it is. You endure long separations from your loved ones, you operate in all manner of weather and environments, you sleep (if you're lucky) on the ground for weeks at a time, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, every now and again people try to kill you. But I have NEVER, before or since, felt the camaraderie and sense of duty that I felt while I was in. I'm proud of my service, and I'm grateful to those who are serving now.
El Jefe writes:
I graduated from Christian Brothers High School in May of 1981. I was working at Victoria Station (not Secret - unfortunately) restaurant for the better part of the previous 2 years. I had done the 'American Dream' by starting off washing dishes, moving on to salad bars, bussing tables, bar back, prep chef and finally waiting tables.In late August I went off to college at Abilene Christian University in Texas. (Yeah, I know. Catholic high school and Christian university. Hey, you can't say I'm not religious.) After the first semester I decided that college wasn't for me at that time in my life. So, in the summer I came home to Sacramento and went back to work at the restaurant. After a couple of months it was time for me to make a decision. Either go back to school, move up to management at the restaurant, or something else. Back to school was out. Management was looking fairly good except I saw how beat down my friends were after spending nearly 80 hours a week there for not a lot of money.
The military was looking like a good option. My father, great uncle and cousin had all spent time in the Air Force. (My great uncle was a retired Chief Master Sergeant in the Army Air Corps and was in during the Bataan Death March - which he refused to talk about.) I thought about all the services and here are my reasons:
Army - Pro: Quick promotion depending on your career field
Con: Limited career fields that I was interested inMarines - Pro: Instant respect no matter where you go/camaraderie/esprit de corps
Con: Same as the ArmyNavy - Pro: Go EVERYWHERE in the world/good career fields
Con: Didn't know if I could handle being on a ship for 6 months a yearAir Force - Pro: Lots of career choices/good world-wide locations
Con: Slow promotionsOh, yeah. Pro for each was discipline.
I ruled out the Army and Marines for career choices. It was down to the Navy and Air Force. I went on ship tour in 'Frisco and talked with the Petty Officers about their lives and ship life in particular. They showed me their living quarters and that basically sealed it for me. You see, I'm 6' 5" tall. Bunks on a ship are maybe 6' long. You do the math. That and there's 3 to 6 in each berthing. I lived in a dorm in college and I know how 3 guys in one room are. Yes, I could handle being on a ship (biggest concern was if I had the stomach/sea legs). No, I didn't want to.
So, it was the Air Force. I went and spoke with the recruiter (who lied - which one of 'em don't?) and he started spewing on about the 'AF doctrine' and all that. I knew better. I asked what career fields he had open. He looked at my education (honor role material) and noticed that I'd taken language courses in high school. He said, "How about being a linguist?" I looked into it and found that I would have a year in Monterey learning to be fluent in the language of my choice. Now, remember, this is 1982 and the Cold War was still on full boil. So, I said that if I pass the test to get in could I choose German? The reason is that I had taken 2 years' worth in high school and that I knew I would get stationed in Germany and fly around on the AWACS planes. My dad said that it would be a good choice for when I got out because the CIA, FBI, and a number of civilian firms would be looking for that line of work.
To make a long story somewhat shorter, I passed easily, got a delayed enlistment (5 months), and went to basic in May '83. Now, the week before I went in, I drove down to Texas to see some friends. On the way back I got 2 speeding tickets (I had a 1970 340 'Cuda at the time - easy mark). When I got to basic I had to go for a security interview to see if I would qualify for a Top Secret clearance. The interviewer noted that I got the tickets within 24 hours of each other and after I pled my case he still denied it to me.
This left me in a quandary. Get out, go back home, and work at the restaurant or see what other jobs were available. Home was not an option. I was offered the standard 'open general' options: Burger flipper, Fuels specialist, Weatherman and Cop. (Why cop? ALWAYS a need for those and with my heavy foot...). The last option was Computer Operator. In high school I'd taken a couple of programming courses and enjoyed it. So, I asked if Computer Programmer was available. The guy said, "Let's see what you do on the test." You needed 51 for Operator and 72 for Programmer. I scored 85. Guy still said, "Operator. Take it or leave it." I took it.
Best damn decision I ever made.
BTW: I got my Top Secret clearance less than 3 years later because the AF merged my career field with another that required it.
P.S. My ENTIRE family lectured on and on about NOT going into the military in 1981. After I retired last April, not one of them wasn't proud that I served my country for 20 years.
El Jefe, who sent this to me some weeks ago, happened to end the e-mail with a Reagan quote. I know I've seen it everywhere, but it's worth repeating:
I hope that when you're my age you'll be able to say, as I have been able to say: we lived in freedom, we lived lives that were a statement, not an apology.
Connecticut Yankee writes:
I joined the Navy for several reasons, first, just about every male relative I have on both my mother's and my father's side of the family was either a sailor or a marine, (although I heard rumors growing up that one or two black sheep joined the army) as far back as the American revolution; a fact that my grandmother was always proud to tell us. She was a member of the DAR. My great grandfather was in the "Great White Fleet" of Theodore Roosevelt. So I guess it was a tradition in the family. Anyway, I am a little older than most of the people who write you, (although not ancient by any means, I love this site and have a great appreciation of your humor and talent, can anyone say free "Nuke the Moon T-shirt?"). [Ed. Note: Not me]I was born in 1956 after my father returned from the Korean War; Navy of course. I grew up during the Viet Nam War and watched it every night as we ate dinner. During junior high and later high school, I watched as upperclassmen graduated and were drafted, then watched as my cousins went off to Viet Nam. I also knew that these boys were not being allowed to win and it sickened me to watch them fight, bleed and die while anti-war protestors undermined the country's efforts and provide aid and comfort to the enemy (are you hearing me John Kerry and Teddy Kennedy?). I made up my mind that I was going to either enlist, if the war was still going on, after high school or somehow get into college and join after finishing my degree.
The war ended before I graduated from high school (1974), but I still felt a need to serve my country; must be in my DNA. Anyway, there was no way I was going to afford college on my own, my parents divorced when I was in the seventh grade, and in those days, child support rarely included college tuition. So I tired to obtain an appointment to the Naval Academy, but my grades didn't impress my congressman we're talking a "C" student, sports, student council and scouts. I truly think that GOD intervened on my behalf and I was awarded a full four year NROTC scholarship. My entire family was extremely proud of that fact that, even though all my male ancestors on both sides were Navy men, as far back as anyone could tell, I was going to be only the second officer; I had a great great uncle who was an officer in the Union Navy during the civil war.Anyway, it was a great college experience. Utah, is a nice conservative state where short hair wasn't out of the ordinary in the middle and late '70's; plus the skiing was fantastic! By the way, my NROTC Battalion, I kid you not, had a Marine GSGT who looked and sounded just like R. Lee Ermy of "Full Metal Jacket" and "Mail Call" fame. His last name was Pickles, so any of you who were in the Marines knows with a name like AND a Gunnery Sergeant, that he was one tough old son of a gun. Sgt. Pickles did 2 combat tours of Viet Nam, and I respected him. (However, that doesn't mean that we didn't have some good laughs at his expense; another story.) I mean this guy gave the same cadence as in FMJ for crying out loud. When I went to see FMJ, I sat there and laughed out load during the whole Paris Island section because it was so absolutely SGT Pickles! People in the move theater ! must have thought I was some nut case or psychotic loon!
The Navy was the best thing to ever happen to me. I received a top notch education, that I would not have been otherwise able to afford. I was commissioned and Officer and given great responsibilities which I took very seriously; much more so than I thought I would while I was in college. I met some of the greatest people in the world, real salt of the earth types. I got to run multi million dollar equipment right out of college; try that in the civilian sector. I could go on and on but I am probably boring you. Just one more thing though, and I think this feeling is shared by everyone who served; I would, in a heart beat, join again and volunteer for Iraq if they would take 48 year old out of shape old geezers like me. I'd especially join again if it meant I could take the place of one of the young guys over there now who haven't had a full life yet, like I have.
Rockynoggin writes:
I'd like to say that I joined the military out of a sense of civic duty and patriotism. I can't say that, though.
I had spent 3 years in college wasting time and money (my money, not that of my parents nor governments) and finally moved to Dallas to live with my brother and find work in law enforcement. I had wanted to be a cop ever since I was a kid. It was all I thought about.
I interviewed with every PD in the DFW area and not one offered me a job. Despite 3 years of Criminal Justice undergrad work and a clean record. Finally, after one interview in Plano, the officers broke it down for me.
"Look," they said, "you're not a minority and you have no previous law enforcement experience. You're a good kid, but you also need to mature. Have you ever considered joining the military as an MP?"
I had not ever considered military service. But they assured me that if I did a tour as an MP, my Honorable Discharge would be my ticket to becoming a policeman in just about any jurisdiction I applied.
So, I pulled into the first recruiting office I could find - and it happened to be an Army one. I told the recruiter that I wanted to be an MP, and naturally he signed me up to be a Legal Clerk. He assured me that it was pretty much the same thing and that I could always change my MOS after I was in.
**NOTE: NEVER, EVER, EVER believe ANYTHING a recruiter tells you.**
Well, the upside was that the 82nd Airborne needed legal clerks, so at least I got to be a little hard core and got my wings and ended up with 25 or so jumps - including one from a Huey after PLDC (Primary Leadership Development Course - required for promotion to Sergeant).
That was 1986. I ended up doing 4 years active, and then I got out on "Green-to-Gold" and finished my degree and got my butter-bar. I did 6 more years in the National Guard as an Engineer Platoon Leader and then Company XO. I got out when they said I needed to move to Battalion staff to make Captain - to me, it was only worthwhile when I was with the line troops.
So, I resigned and I cried like a baby when I got home after my last drill. I still miss the Army life.I never became a cop. But I can say that joining the Army was one of the best things I ever did, aside from marrying Mrs. Rockynoggin!
For more memories of Ronald Reagan and his legacy, John Hawkins has dedicated his entire site to the former president with numerous posts and links. Make sure to check it out and remember the man we all owe a great deal to.
As anyone paying attention knows, I was born in 1979. Thus, my first memories of a president were of Ronald Reagan. I only had vague notions of the international conflict going on, but I was reassured by the strong leader we had in office. He was just a talking head on the T.V. speaking about things way beyond me, but I still remember the reverence of knowing that was our president. That was the leader of our country against the evil Soviets. I remember it was my older brother, Joe foo', who first explained Reagan to me as in first grade as they had their own mock election ballots and he was voting for Reagan. He even got in trouble once for exclaiming in class, "Mondale sucks!" I guess it was fitting he was the one who told me Reagan died, telling me over the phone as I hadn't been following the news over the weekend.
When Reagan announced in 1994 that he had Alzheimer's Disease, it was something known to me as my own grandfather was battling it at the time. Unfortunately, it's not a battle you can win. Slowly the mind goes until the person you know is longer there anymore. It is not an affliction you would wish on anyone. Reagan did the only thing he could do and wrote one last letter the America public before he retired to home to live the last years of life with as much dignity as possible.
Now that he has passed on, a great chapter in American history has been closed. I'm not much for mourning, though, so I sent out my crack research staff to find out as much as they can about Ronald Reagan so we can celebrate his life.
FUN FACTS ABOUT RONALD REAGAN
* Reagan was born in the year 1911, the same year my favorite gun was designed. What the hell was its name again?
* As a lifeguard in his youth, Reagan saved 77 lives while letting 12 Communists drown.
* Reagan eventually became an actor, first falling in with the left-wing Democrats. Eventually he tired of them, though, and strangled the whole lot of them.
* Reagan made one movie with a monkey which he considered the low-point of his life.
* He helped expose all the Communists in Hollywood so they could be tied to rocks and sunk to the bottom of the sea - as was the custom of the time. Only if someone would do that now.
* Reagan got to know America by wandering the country, stopping briefly in towns to right wrongs with his kung fu skills and give speeches for G.E.
* He eventually got into politics by running for governor of California. An actor as governor of California? That's crazy!
* Governor Reagan was so successful that it took until Gray Davis for Democrats to completely screw things up again.
* Reagan tried to run against Gerald Ford in 1976 for the Republican nomination for president, but in the end the Republicans thought Ford's bumblingness was the best anecdote to Carter's goofiness.
* Reagan got the Republican nomination to run against Carter in 1980 when Republicans became convinced that, if they didn't vote for him, they would hurt them.
* Most speculate the turning point in Reagan's campaign against Carter was the debate where he won the audience over with his charm by telling Carter, "There you go again," and then proceeded to beat Carter until he cried like a little girl.
* Right after Reagan became president, Iran released its hostages. Some think this may have been part of some secret deal, the deal being that, if Iran released the hostages, Reagan would not kill everyone involved in the most horrible way he could imagine.
* When Reagan was shot in 1981, it only made him angry, easily letting him put in his tax cuts through a quivering, Democrat controlled Congress.
* The weird mark on Gorbachev’s head was from the first time he met with Reagan and they battled with swords. Reagan decided to spare Gorbechav's life since he deemed him a useful fool to help him in destroying the Soviet Union.
* Reagan's nemesis in Congress was Democrat Speaker of the House Tip O'Neil. Occasionally, Reagan would wait in hiding behind a bush and tackle O'Neil just to keep the bastard in line.
* Reagan's aides told Reagan not to call the Soviet Union an "Evil Empire", but Reagan couldn't help it. They were just that damn evil!
* Reagan was known for keeping jellybeans at the table during cabinet meetings. When he didn't like someone, he'd give him a special jar of jellybeans, where, with each handful of jellybeans, the victims would be getting closer and closer to the poison jellybean!
* The public was really moved by Ronald Reagan - not by him making them fear the Soviet Union but by giving the optimistic vision of what the world could be. The brilliance of the glory of this future America was so great that it caused liberals to shriek and hide in their dank caves.
* When the air traffic controllers went on strike, Reagan showed his firm resolve by trapping them in a quarry and releasing grizzly bears on them.
* When Grenada underwent a Communist coup and took American students hostage, Reagan quickly grabbed a .45, paddled a boat to Grenada, and shot all the Communists himself.
* Ronald Reagan once joked that he outlawed the Soviet Union and that "the bombing would start in five minutes." In reality, it took a half an hour to start the bombing.
* When Mondale challenged Reagan for the presidency in 1984, there were plans to make Reagan's age an issue. Reagan easily defeated that plot by saying in a debate, "I will not make age an issue in this campaign. I'm not going to exploit for political purposes my opponents youth and inexperience," and then proceeding to beat Mondale until he cried like a little girl.
* Speaking of girls, the Mondale candidacy was notable for being the first with a female on the ticket. It was also notable for being the losingest campaign electoral wise by a major party, getting only 13 electoral votes with 525 for Reagan. Most news stations didn't even bothering coming up with a color to show which states Mondale won.
* The only state Mondale did win, Minnesota, eventually rejected him in a Senate bid making him the only major candidate to lose in all fifty states. Not so great a record, but what have you done of note?
* Reagan's uber-landslide victory was attributed to what were then known as "Reagan Democrats" and today are simply known as "Republicans".
* Reagan was stereotyped as being senile and falling asleep all the time, but, hey, destroying Communism is hard work.
* Reagan's tax cuts caused such an economic boom during the eighties that I got one of those Nintendo sets with the robot for Christmas.
* Reagan famously told Gorbachev to “tear down that wall” and then followed through by holding a gun to Gorbachev’s head until he chiseled down the entire Berlin Wall with an ice pick.
* There were also lots of synthesizers in music during the eighties, though Reagan's involvement with that is sketchy.
* The Soviet Union bankrupted itself trying to compete against the American's SDI, something Reagan only imagined after having some bad jellybeans.
* When it got out that Nancy Reagan consulted an astrologer, it caused great embarrassment for the White House... just as the astrologer predicted!
* During Reagan's final years, there was a scandal about arms being traded for hostages. I'm sure if the people who got the arms weren't particularly nice, though, Reagan made sure they were killed with other arms.
* Now that Reagan is in Heaven, we can be assured that, once we get there, it will be free of Commies and hippies.
Now, please share your favorite memories of Reagan in the comments section.
Rest in peace, Ronald Reagan. This country and the world is a better place for having known you.
I'm having so little time to get things done lately, but one thing I want to get moving on is the next t-shirt design. I'm planning to sketch what I want and then send that to some artists to get a better rendition. You can all help me by pointing me to some pictures of rottweilers and angry, growling dogs (I want growl over barking). Best would be a growling rottweiler. Help on this could also be considered a B-Day present.
Only you can make the Chomps t-shirt kick ass cool.
I don't have to be funny all the time; sometimes my reader can get do it for me. Inspired by one of my posts (I assume this one), Greg made this:
Today marks twenty-five years since I triumphantly emerged from the womb, and, unfortunately, it's been a real bad morning. I feel like I need a gallon of coffee to get my head straight. I don't have any good political humor post for today and won't have time to post anything at lunch, so, as your present to me, you can be forgiving.
I did finally get the Peace Gallery photos from my lazy brother Joe foo' the Marine which he took about a year ago, so I'll have those up later. Everyone else the with a NTM t-shirt get working on your photos to show your support for peace.
Also, as Harvey reminded me, I declared last June 4th to be National Gun Safety Day, so don't shoot yourself.
SarahK, the IMAO T-Shirt Babe, showing her support for Chairman Mao
The modeling photos are finally in. I chose my favorite and have them randomly rotating on the sidebar. Here are all SarahK sent me, though.
Showing off the logo:
Front 1
Front 2
Front 3
Front 4
Front 5
Front 6
Front 7
Front 8
Front 9
Terrorists are bad:
KTE: Terrorists 1
KTE: Terrorists 2
KTE: Terrorists 3
KTE: Terrorists 4
KTE: Terrorists 5
French are smelly:
KTE: The French 1
KTE: The French 2
KTE: The French 3
KTE: The French 4
One day the moon will be nuked:
Nuke the Moon 1
Nuke the Moon 2
Nuke the Moon 3
Nuke the Moon 4
Nuke the Moon 5
Nuke the Moon 6
Now we'll have to see what the villainous Wizbang and the traitorous Willow (that reminds me; I still need to send her her t-shirt she won) will do in response. Where are your t-shirt modeling photos? Where are your t-shirts, for that matter?
I am Frank J., king of t-shirts and babes!
Remember, tomorrow is a special day... for more than one reason...
...support his sponsors.
We have a return advertiser selling a deck of cards giving 52 reasons to re-elect George W. Bush.
Here's one reason: I told you to! ::shakes fist::
Make sure to check out all my advertisers to thank them for advertising on IMAO. Also, when buying from Amazon, click through my link so I get a cut. Also, join Netflix like me instead of renting from BlockBuster like some caveman.
I'd say to buy my t-shirts, but that's for SarahK to do tomorrow...
* Money may be spent on a new gun instead.
As I mentioned previously, I have a Hyundai Accent I bought new when I was interning during college. I'm soon going to be thinking about getting a new vehicle, and I was wondering what suggestions people might have as I'm not much of a car person. What I need is something that fits my prestigious stature, won't break the bank, and isn't driven by every other person on the road. So what should a hip, young adult like me be driving?
It looks like Glenn Reynolds is finally giving up his evil ways:
Indeed.
(thanks to reader Mark for sending this in)
SarahK has just sent in her modeling photos, and they are simply awesome. I'll have the premier tomorrow.
We'll see if WizBang has any response...
So the terrorist have put out a video showing the Italians they still have hostage. Why hadn't we heard anything about this until now? Since they murdered one hostage, I haven't heard a word about these people or the search to find them. What is it? Do they have to be naked with women's underwear on their heads to get any coverage these days?
What we need to do is get some of these terrorists and then not let a word out what happened to them. Then, one day Al-Jazeera will get a video on it with one of the theorists reading a written a statement saying, "The American have treated me well until now, when they are blowing me up." Then he'll be like, "Wait a sec! Is this ri..."
BOOM!
Then pigs run on screen and eat the remains.
Now, some people may say this is cruel and unusual punishment, but that's just silly. These terrorist blow themselves up all the time, so this punishment would be right in line with their beliefs. As for the pigs... well... it's not like you can expect the American government to keep track of where pigs are and are not wandering around looking for eats.
Sounds like a good deterrent to me, but we still need to get these terrorists in the first place. They say they are sending a message to the pope, so let's send the pope to negotiate. He'll greet them cordially, take off his pope hat... but it's not the pope! It's me! And there's a shotgun hidden in the pope hat.
BLAM! BLAM!
"Consider that an excommunication."
Now, that might be a little sacrilegious to imitate the pope, but luckily Jesus is a forgiving guy... especially if you have good intentions such as splattering terrorists.
Even if they don't use my suggestions, someone needs to do something. And keep me updated in the news, g'dammit.
I recently wrote about overly-aggressive and reckless drivers. Some people may have interpreted that as meaning I'm against speeding, but that's far from the truth. While you'll rarely find me going twenty over, I'll do my best to move and accommodate those who want to play that game. Hey, it lets me drive faster with less worry. When there is a red Corvette going ninety, why would any traffic cop pay attention to a silver Hyundai going eighty-five? Seeing I drive an Accent, he'd probably just write it off as a radar error.
At the same time, while slow and steady may win the race, it should stay the hell out of the left lane. I don't like passing people on the right, but I do leave that in my arsenal. See that number on the white sign on the side of the road with the big number on it? Add ten to that. If that number sounds scary to you, then please make your stay in the left lane short. Go ahead and pass the guy going sixty in the right lane, but then return to your proper place as soon as convenient.
Thank you.
For the longest time, I just listened to whatever was on the radio and never gave it too much attention. Now, I've decided to start buying CD's and really start appreciating music. I guess part of the inspiration was the movie School of Rock (a great, great family film) which interested me in taking a closer look into music.
Anyhoo, I've listened to a number of CD's at work for a week or so now, so I'll give my impressions, and maybe you can give me some more suggestions based on them.
You probably know this group for being one of my advertisers for a while. They definitely have a unique sound, but a lot of the songs are a bit repetitive. Still, I like the album for the most part, and my favorite songs are "Pencil Fight" and "Withered".
Simply a classic. None of the songs seem like filler, and I enjoy every one. I'd be hard pressed to pick favorites, but I particular love the start of "Breed". It's awesome!
Really, people, if you are a rich, top selling music artist - and we've all been there - don't commit suicide. Stick it out... even if you're married to Courtney Love.
I like P.O.D. They’re this play it loud heavy metal group, but, if you listen carefully to the lyrics, you'll be like, "Hey! They're talking about Jesus!"
Anyway, this is another great album where I enjoyed most of the songs on it. My favorite, interestingly enough, is "Boom", which I've yet to find any religious connotations in.
It's 'ight. To be honest, I listened to it a number of times through but can't recall any tracks other than the first ("Fly From the Inside") and the last ("45") which I know from the radio. Maybe it will grow on me, but, so far, it hasn't left much of an impression.
The Matrix Reloaded Soundtrack
Instead of selling the soundtrack and the musical score (are those the correct words to differentiate the two?) separately as with the first Matrix movie, you get both in one 2 CD set for Reloaded.
As for the soundtrack, it’s pretty good, but not as good as the first one (which I still need to get). I probably like the P.O.D. song "Sleeping Awake" best, though the Marilyn Mason and Rob Zombie songs are good too. I also really like the name of the Rage Against the Machine song "Calm Like a Bomb". Next time someone ask me how I am, I'm going to answer with that.
In the end, I like the musical score better than the soundtrack, especially like the ten minute "Mona Lisa Overdrive" which is the score from the highway chase scene in the movie. It's got a techno beat mixed in with the regular music score and is great to work to.
Well, I got a number of more new albums through Amazon to start listening to, including some Metallica, Rush, and Iced Earth (which I found out about from an awesome interview where Jon Schaffer give the smack down to a wacko, anti-war Canadian).
Later, ronin.
SondraK sent me this t-shirt as an early birthday present:
It is very scary, and very true. Despite my fear of it, I must wear it to spread the truth!
UPDATE: BTW, look what SondraK got.
"Okay, little children," John Kerry said, "It's time and to bask and admire who will be your new president. By the way, I served in Vietnam."
"You're a mean scary man!" said one of the kindergarteners.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Kerry screamed. He then turned to his butler. "Jeeves, flip these children off."
"Certainly, sir." The butler rose his middle finger at the children who then began crying.
"Bwa ha ha ha!"
* * * *
"Kerry went berserk at a school event, and the media is barely covering it," Bush fumed, "It's time for some serious campaigning. Kerry is a haughty, French-looking liberal, and a total political opportunist whose soul is for sale in exchange for high office. Also, he's gone insane from Botox injections directly into his brain. Those are the facts about John Kerry; now we have to figure out how to distort them to make him look bad."
"You're an idiot," Condi remarked, "Anyway, I want you to meet who is going to be the new Iraqi president."
"Hey, Mr. Iraqi," Bush said as he shook the Iraqi's hand.
"Hi, President Bush," the Iraqi answered in a high-pitch voice, "I think we should have a lot of oil contracts for Halliburton."
"If you think that's best," Bush stated, "I hope we can work together."
"Watch me dance!" the Iraqi exclaimed and started dancing.
"Hee hee!" Bush laughed, "He is dancing!" He then became suspicious. "Wait a second... he's a puppet!" Bush turned to Condi. "I told you no puppets for governing Iraq!"
"But you said you like puppets," Condi answered innocently.
"Only to liven up boring cabinet meetings," Bush declared, "I want to set up the Iraqi government right."
"But having a puppet run Iraq will help us strategically," Condi told him.
"And Halliburton demands it," said Cheney who was up in the rafters working the marionette strings.
"No puppets!" Bush declared, "We have to do things right if we want to take down the terrorists who plot against us as we speak." Bush then looked up to Cheney. "I didn't say to stop making him dance."
* * * *
"We must kill more people!" Osama bin Laden's subordinate shouted.
"I want to, but that American president is too smart for us," Osama answered, "He will always outwit us. We need to influence the election to get him out and that Frenchman in."
"But how will we do that."
Osama grinned evilly. "I'll use my vast sums of terrorist money to run ads just before the election trashing Bush and praising Kerry. Muh ha ha ha!"
"Actually, under campaign finance reform," the subordinate said, "that's now illegal."
Osama was silent for a moment. "Then we have no choice but to BLOW PEOPLE UP!"
* * * *
Clancy, Bush intelligence guy, ran into the room. "There is terrorist chatter on the wires." He then opened the fridge and took out a soda.
"You’re supposed to put a quarter in the jar for each on of those you take," Bush told him.
"That would leave evidence I was here." Clancy took a drink of his Mr. Pibb.
"So what's the chatter say?"
"I don't know; it's in some weird language... maybe Arabic."
"Don't you have anyone to translate that?" Bush asked in frustration.
"If I did, the translation would be highly classified." He took another drink of his soda.
Bush took out his wallet and handed Clancy a twenty.
"They’re plotting to bomb the Capitol building," Clancy said and then left.
"To the Capitol!" Bush announced.
"Isn't this something for the police and bomb squad?" Condi commented.
"Come on; like you have anything better to do this afternoon."
* * * *
Bush and Condi ran through the Capitol building until they saw someone familiar. "What are you doing here, Rummy?" Bush asked.
"I came here to strangle Ted Kennedy," he said, "but I couldn't find his neck. I saw a weird looking guy walking around, though, so I strangled him." Rumsfeld pointed to a dead terrorist. "I also found this."
"It's a bomb!" Bush exclaimed, taking the device from Rumsfeld and carefully setting it on the ground. "Hey, there's a monkey inside!"
"It must be a delayed monkey-fuse bomb," Condi stated. "If you shake it too much, the monkey will get aggravated and set the bomb off prematurely. After a while, though, he'll just get bored and set it off anyway. Thus, we're working against a time limit."
"This is stupid," Rumsfeld remarked, "I'll see you guys later at the bar."
"Rumsfeld is right," Condi said, "We need to get out here!"
"If we do that, lots of innocent people will die!" Bush answered, "I will stay here and do whatever I can to make sure that doesn't happen."
"You'll have to defuse the bomb then," Condi told him, "That's done by disconnecting the monkey's trigger. First, we'll need a banana to distract the monkey. Then you need to carefully take off the casing whil watching for any failsafes. If there are wires connected to the screws, then you'll..."
"On second thought," Bush said, "this sounds too hard. Let's just chuck it somewhere it will hurt no one we know or care about."
* * * *
"Senator Tom Daschle was attacked by a suicide monkey bomber in his office today," the anchorwoman announced, "Though badly burned, he was heard to utter, 'I'll get Bush... and his little dog too!'"
"Not Barney!" Bush exclaimed.
"Why a monkey would bomb Senator Daschle is unknown," the anchorwoman continued, "but a leading zoologist suggested that monkeys have just as much ability as people to tell who are slimy weasels. In reaction to the attack, presidential hopeful John Kerry said, 'It is a horrible tragedy and I served in Vietnam.' The President has yet to respond."
The phone rang. "Hello," Bush answered.
"What do you think of the terrorist attack on Daschle?"
"I think it's funny when Daschle gets hurt."
"This just in," the anchorwoman said, "The President has now responded to the attack saying that he think it's funny when people get hurt."
"You misquoted me!" Bush shouted at the screen.
"Now back to part sixty-three of our indefinite numbered series on why Abu Grahib invalidates the entire war..."
I forgot to mention that there are now three more additions to the Peace Gallery: Stephen Swanson, Megan, and Tom Bux.
From the amount of t-shirts that went out, I expected more peace photos by now. Get to it, people!
BTW, SarahK's photos should be coming soon.
Sorry to have not done this feature in a while, but here are some explanations readers gave of why they joined the military. I plan to alternate between these and other stories in the future. I now have a lot of stories waiting to be posted, but, if you'd like to give your own explanation of why you joined the military or have a military story, please e-mail me with the subject "Military". Thanks.
* * * *
Alan Anderson writes:
Why I went in the Marines...by meFirst I have to date myself, this was almost 44 full years ago..
Working class neighborhood, South Side of Chicago....
Uncles worked in the steels mills, set tile, nailed boards....
Old man, old country type guy worked in soap works, made a hell of a lot of soap, you start by cooking down a whooole lot of pig fat, stinks, plant runs 24/7.. Steel mills run 24/7..
Sherwin-Williams paint plant runs 24/7 stinks even worse than soap works..
Steel mills very hot, lot of fire, (they were not called "open hearth" for no reason) break back shoveling...Illinois Central Grand Central Yards very cold in Chicago winters..None of the above really appeals to me, saw it all first hand, rather wash dishes
No urge to go to college, not a lot of money, old man doesn't believe in college.. draft waiting unless I want to be a father at 19 oh oh no go with that option....
Late High School experiences show me that a life on the dark side is not for me..I always got caught..but in those days anything up to a Felony can be settled with a good beating and a threat to call the old man...
Wild Uncle Peter (I only knew family stories) killed in USAAF, North Atlantic, 1943.., Uncle Martin flew off carriers in the Pacific 1944-1945 after training on carriers in Lake Michigan, he very glad the Bomb dropped... whacked out cousin Brent wandering the world in submarines, since 1952, cold off North Korea...
Time to get out of town and bond with the crazy side of my family, Staff Sergeant recruiter asked "you sure you want four years??" Yep, why not....
What happened then???
Grew up fast...learned I was smarter than I thought...given a whole lot of responsibility when I was still a teenager..radios, airplanes, bombs, on my own on strange islands responsible for nine others and a boat full of gear before I was 20..
Had a ringside, sea borne, seat at the Kennedy-Johnson follies of 1962, 63, 64, and 65.. On my way to Cuba while Kennedy jerked around...on my way to VN before and after Kennedy Ok'd the hit on Diem.. sailing into Yokosuka the day Kennedy shot (good liberty and got drunk, quart of Gordons Gin 89 cents at the Navy NCO club if I remember correctly)..back to VN when Johnson finally managed to imitate his hero and Token Gulf blew up... up and down the Mekong, back up north, back south, listening to Armed Forces Radio report that Johnson was calling Goldwater a warmonger, HA...Politics time, can't have any formal troop landings so soon after the election and over Christmas...on to Hong Kong, best eight day liberty of my life...back to States, on to North Carolina..can't stand it...can't get transferred "you been to VN can't leave the States for a year OOPS revolution in Dominican Republic..you guys got to go,you know how to do it for real..."But Gunny you said" ..OK last time....watched Moran almost go blind on rot gut bootleg rum....beat the Airborne in by four days...Ha
Came within a week of re-enlisting.. Received my hiring letter for the Chicago Police Department four days before I was going to re-up...GI Bill very very good to me...couple of degrees and another 35 years of chasing another type of barbarian in another type of jungle...
Nothing I had to do for the rest of my life presented a problem which could not be solved or accommodated, the Corps gave me all the tools I would ever need...Other than my kids the best thing that ever happened to me..
Two great kids (one Army Major) five tremendous grandchildren. I am a happy man....
UPDATE: Alan wants to add that his eighteen year old neice reports to Marine Corps, Parris Island, in October, so let's wish her luck and God's protection.
LCpl Baisley, USMC, writes:
The draft should be a no-go. I would not want to be fighting along side of some one who does not want to be there. as far as the comment about only poor people joining up the military, I am gonna have to disagree, just about all of my buddies come from regular middle class, there are even a few rich ones here and there. I definitely did not come from a poor family and had plenty of options. I joined because I wanted to serve my country and kill people who don’t like it. And I went with the Marines, because if you are going into the service, then why not be the best. Just thought i would share that. Semper Fi
Bob Trapp (LibertyBob):
I joined the Army because it was a little more profitable than the cult I had been running. No, I'm serious. My late teens were a bit on the, uh, abnormal side. If I hadn't had this damned virus in my heart I'd be retiring as an officer in intelligence here in a few years. Based on this I must say viruses suck. I had my dreams of earning respect the easy way and having all the uniform groupies chase after me. Instead, I got to be a loser who got kicked out for what was, at the time, an unidentified illness. (The technology to diagnose the problem didn't become available till later, or most doctors are morons.) I always recommend military service. Sure, it's a good way for the poor to better their lot in life, but it's also a good way for those who have money to become respectable.
Brian Dunbar writes:
Honestly?So there I was, a middle class suburban white kid. Everyone, but everyone I knew was going to college, somewhere. I just couldn't see wasting the money (mom and dads) and the time (mine). Too well off for a financial scholarship, too indifferent to grades for an academic ride.
And anyway, by my Junior year I'd pretty much had my mind made up on the service, and the Marines called to me. Patriotism, sure. But mostly a change to DO something strange and exotic.
Tulsa, Oklahoma is a lot of things, but exotic it's not.
Did I mention that no one in what passed for a social set in High School joined up? The ones you'd expect did - the kids who majored in Shop or Vo-Tech, of course. The thugs. And me. I don't think any of the 'college track' kids even considered ROTC.
And damn it sure was different.
Blackjack has some fun facts about me, Frank J., none of which I will testify to the veracity of.
It's only until the end of this month until the government in Iraq will be handed over to the Iraqis. Since there is no June 31st, it's impossible to delay it another day. So, to help make sure things work out, I've decided to give my unsolicited advice on the topic.
FRANK TIPS TO A SMOOTH TRANSITION ON JUNE 30TH
* Terrorists could sure ruin a transition, so, just before June 30th, go on a huge terrorist killing spree. Then put their heads on pikes outside the transition ceremony. Then, any terrorists left will see that and be scared, because people don't like their heads on pikes.
* Chase the monkeys out of the capitol building. I know from experience that it's hard to make budget decisions while being bitten by monkeys.
* Make sure to vacuum up all the Cheetos in the offices.
* The strings on any puppets you put as head of government should be as invisible as possible.
* Actually, instead of a puppet government, consider a muppet government.
* Hand over security to Iraqis with well wishes, not a sarcastically stated, "Good luck, suckers!"
* Make sure not to leave any naked prisoner pyramids lying around.
* It's not enough that you've changed the Saddam rape rooms to beer storage; also re-label the door.
* Keep one palace as the American embassy. Come on; we deserve it.
* It usual for any occupying force to use the government building for amateur porn; just make sure to take all equipment with you when you leave... unless the Iraqis request it.
* Make sure who you hand the keys over to are the real new Iraq governing council and not terrorists in disguise. This can be found out by casually asking them, "So, after this ceremony is over, to do you want to blow up innocent men, women, and children?"
* If you find anymore WMD's, hand 'em over; it's theirs now.
* It's time to challenge the ninjas who have been threatening you to one final kung fu battle on the 29th to get that out of the way.
* It doesn't matter how a family of alligators took up residence in the cafeteria; just get rid of them because the Iraqis are going to notice.
* I don't care what your friend Doug says; serving pork chops at the transition ceremony is not funny, dude.
* When helping the Iraqis with elections, make sure the ballots are clear so they don’t come under rule of Pat Buchanan.
* Remember to take your car keys off the key ring before handing the keys to government buildings over.
* Though security should mainly be handled by the Iraqis now, do leave a few Marines to help out... and maybe Aquaman.
* Try to leave things in the best condition as you can for when the Iraqis take over so it's a smooth and peaceful transition, but, just in case, as soon as the transition ceremony is over, get the hell out of there as quick as you can.
I wanted to write a long a speech today, but I always feel a bit pompous when I try to be serious for too long. All I really want to say is that I have been blessed with a great life, and though some of it is from my own hard work, most of what I have now comes from the efforts of those before me, both my loved one and those I've never known. The sacrifice of our troops throughout American history has ensured and continues to ensure we have a free country where what one dreams, one can achieve. I have a debt to them I can never pay back, but I vow to do my best to try.
Today, make sure to send your prayers to those who stand between their loved homes and the war's desolation. There's much more at stake then many would want to admit, and, in the least, there are our troops own lives and the lives of their family at risk.
Blackfive has much more to say about a friend of his who made the ultimate sacrifice for his country and for others and caused Blackfive to start blogging in the first place. Please go read it.
God bless.
I'm going to take a break for the weekend (though that's not a promise I won't post anything; I'm going to try and have something for Memorial Day and I've been wanting to put up some music reviews). Everyone have a great weekend and hopefully next week I'll have the modeling photos from the IMAO T-Shirt Babe, SarahK (plus, wasn't I promised some from the Berkeley girls?). Also, I'll be even funnier and more poigiant when I return. Also, I'll finally put up some more military posts using the e-mails graciously sent to me.
Later, ronin.
BTW, the previous post is now a caption contest since there's already some hilarious captions in the comment section.
Geez, what's it with radical Muslim clerics?
"Arrr! I be a Muslim cleric, mateys!"
Most seem to be blind (and you know what your parents told you will make you blind), though this one here is missing an eye and a hand. So, is it that the handicapped tend to become clerics in the Middle East as spewing hatred is the only job available to them, or do they get handicapped after becoming a cleric as God keeps hitting them with lightning bolts? And why don't they do the suicide bombings? They're missing all those limbs so they're already halfway to being completely blown apart.
Next time we capture a blind cleric, it would be funny to see how long we could keep him from finding out he's been captured. Put him in a cell, but tell him he's actually in front of his followers, and see if he'll give a whole Jew-hate'n speech to the concrete wall. Tape it, and you could have an America's Funniest Home Video right there.
Derbyshire has an article about how 1979 is perhaps one of the most pivotal year in modern history, but completely neglects to mention the most significant event of that year: me being born.
I expect more from him...
Everyone has heard about Al Gore's insane tirade yesterday, but is he really now so insane that's he's a menace to society? To find out, I had my crack research team find out whatever they could about the one know as Al Gore.
FUN FACTS ABOUT AL GORE
* Al Gore's father was also a U.S. Senator and his mother is a wooden plank.
* Many say Gore got his personality from his mother.
* Al Gore hugs trees because his parents never hugged him.
* Once when Al Gore was at McDonalds, the cashier accidentally gave him a large fry instead of the SuperSize™ fry he ordered. Gore then proceeded to demand the CEO resign.
* Don't let Al Gore near any elections, because he'll try and steal them.
* His programming was specifically for him to be a politician. Now that he no longer is one, he's gone rogue.
* Some say that Al Gore is an emotionless, killer cyborg, while other say he is more of an android.
* If you turn on a microwave while Al Gore is near, he'll suddenly start singing showtunes.
* Al Gore spent most of his vice presidency trying to keep Clinton away from his daughters.
* Al Gore's rage wasn't well known during the 2000 election, but it's said that sometimes he'd short circuit during the campaign trail and take out an entire town.
* Part of the reason Al Gore gave such an insane tirade yesterday is because a refrigerator magnet was stuck to his head.
* Most aren't sure why Al Gore singled out Rush Limbaugh in his recent speech, but it may be go back to the time Rush Limbaugh killed his father.
* Due to his huge obsession with porn, Al Gore invented the internet.
* During the 2000 campaign, Al Gore told a number of stories that weren’t quite true. These weren’t in fact lies, but instead the results of faulty programming in his logic cells.
* Al Gore is bullet proof but vulnerable to EMP blasts.
* Al Gore is obsessed with saving the environment. Eventually he plans to eliminate all cars to save the air and then all people.
* Al Gore was assembled in Tennessee, but has since been rejected by that state after his numerous killing sprees.
* Some say Al Gore is stiff, but he actually has a wide range of movement for a robot.
* When keeping a look out for a killer Al Gore, remember that he may have a beard.
* The only way to destroy Al Gore is to get him to chase you under a hydraulic press. It's best to keep in memory all the nearest hydraulic presses before hand.
* If his eyes glow red, that means he's about to charge. Quickly dodge to the side and then counter attack.
* In a fight between Al Gore and Aquaman, Al Gore would grapple Aquaman with his “tree hug of iron” grab, snapping Aquaman's spine.
* Rumors that Gore was designed by Honda are unfounded.
* What you don't see in the video of Gore's speech yesterday is that he slaughtered everyone in the room right after. Good for him.
I have a few blog ad sponsors who need mentioning. Snarkbait is back and is a great blog you should go check out. Infidel Apparel also is back for a full month; go there so you can get merchandise that proudly declares yourself an "Infidel" in Arabic (and other cool slogans). Finally, Life, Liberty, Etc., my longest advertiser and inspiration for my t-shirt babe contest, is back once again. Time for me to finally buy that "Peace Through Superior Firepower" t-shirt.
Remember, good ronin always check out all the advertisers on IMAO.
Also, I'm thinking of having the next IMAO t-shirt be of Chomps. Please vote in this poll (and only once) so I know how much interest there is. Exact design is to be decided on.
Hide your children! Al Gore has gone completely off the rails!
"DESTROY ALL HUMANS! DESTROY ALL HUMANS!"
To think how close we came to having him as president four years ago. Talk about dodging a bullet.
So do you think Gore will drag down Kerry with his insanity? Or will he help Kerry by making him look much more reasonable in comparison? Discuss among yourselves.
There are intelligence reports that more big terrorists attacks are coming to America. So what can the common man do?
Well, I now have a holster so I can conceal and carry two full-size .45's on me. If I see anything terroristy around... BANG! BANG! BANG! Everyone's dead.
I also stocked up on bacon. Bacon is to terrorists like garlic is to vampires. Also, it's tasty and good for an Atkins diet.
Of course, terrorists will probably attack with bombs. So, teach your dog to be a bomb-sniffing dog. The way to do that is to buy a bunch of bombs and keep them around your house so your dog can sniff them all the time.
Also, remember to punch hippies. That discourages terror, especially if after you punch the terrorist, you shout out, "Hey! Any terrorists who are watching! That's what I'm going to do to you!" Terrorists don't like to be punched.
If you have any other ideas of what the average citizen can do to fight terror in America, put it in the comments section.
UPDATE: I was just thinking: What happens if the Muslim terrorists team up with the Irish terrorists? We would then have drunken suicide bombers stumbling around and blowing up in random places! We need to stop that from happening.
UPDATE: Readers are right; the best way to fight terrorism is to buy my t-shirt. You don't support terror, do you?
Gas prices are at a record high right now (if you don't factor in inflation or count other countries), so I thought as a public service I'd list some ways to save gas while getting where you need to go.
Walk
PROS: No costly equipment needed. Powered by renewable fuel source.
CONS: No civilized man has used walking as transportation since the days of the caveman.
Ride a Bike
PROS: Turns human power into quick transportation.
CONS: If you wear bike shorts, people will think you're gay... and probably be right.
Use Public Transportation
PROS: Use less fuel per capita by riding together.
CONS: Probably get mugged or stabbed... or just wish you were.
Drive a Small, Fuel-Efficient Car
PROS: Keep the convenience of a car while using less fuel.
CONS: Why don't you just give up and move to France while you're at it.
Drive an Electric Car
PROS: Uses no gasoline. Quiet.
CONS: After nine hours of charging, it has a range of about eight miles.
Drive a Hybrid Car
PROS: Uses less fuel by combining electricity with gasoline.
CONS: A relatively new technology, so no scientist has been able to show how it causes cancer yet.
Ride a Horse Drawn Chariot
PROS: Look extremely regal as you stand while riding through town. Especially a great way of transportation if you like whipping animals.
CONS: Crashes can be extremely hazardous if someone sticks something in your spokes. I'd only ride one if it has a rollover bar.
Trade Blood for Oil
PROS: You keep making more blood, so why not trade it for the gas you need.
CONS: Some gas station won't accept blood in trade and thus have a "No Blood for Oil!" sign out front.
Drive a Solar Powered Car
PROS: The power of the sun is free... for now.
CONS: As for what you do at night or on a cloudy day, I have no idea.
Drive a Coal Powered Car
PROS: Uses cheap, clean coal.
CONS: Shoveling coal while driving is almost as distracting as talking on the phone. With the open flame there, you made need a drink to calm your nerves.
Ride a Dog Sled
PROS: Dogs are happy animals and the friends of man.
CONS: Will need to cause some sort of new Ice Age to be able to use a dog sled anywhere... which is harder than it sounds. May chase after people in cat sleds.
Fly a Zeppelin
PROS: You will be master of the skies. Achtung!
CONS: Just don't smoke near the... Oh! The humanity!
Replace Car Engine with a Hamster in a Wheel
PROS: Will get you about the same horsepower as a Geo Metro with no gasoline.
CONS: Need to keep replacing wood shavings in the engine to keep down the smell. If your engine dies on you, not much you can do without advanced skills in necromancy.
Ride a Segway
PROS: High-tech gyro keeps you upright as you speed down the sidewalks.
CONS: Riding one, you'll look like a complete goober... a complete goober from the future!
Ride a Bobcat with a Saddle on It
PROS: Quite exotic and will certainly turn heads.
CONS: Angry.
Use a Transporter
PROS: Instantaneous travel gets rid of commute time.
CONS: If a fly gets in there with you, you will become a hideous mutant that looks like Jeff Goldblum. If a monkey sneak in there with you, that could be the start of the planet of the apes.
Use a Rubber Hose and a Breath Mint
PROS: Can keep driving your SUV for little cost.
CONS: None... as long as no one is watching. And make sure to use the breath mint after you get the gasoline.
I don't do as much blog reading as I used to, and here's one of the blogs I wish I read more:
No better authority on firearms in the blogosphere, plus some some very frank political commentary.
Here's a great recent piece of him responding to a "You might be a gun nut if..." list. (thanks to Barking Moonbat for pointing it out)
