The dreaded re-check. I just signed up for ABCNews.com's "The Note," which is fast becoming the poor man's Hotline -- must-know political gossip, campaign handicapping, etc., etc. Thing is, you have to give up some personal information to get it (it comes via email). No problem. I can do that. But like any online form, there's an "opt-in" option at the bottom, something like "Yes! Please send me useless third-party bullshit solicitations about business partnerships with Nigerian royalty and sexual escapades with carloads of hot teen girls." The boxes are always checked, and you have to uncheck them if you don't want your information sold to spammers. So I unchecked them.

Here's where they get sneaky. You also have to choose a username and password. I chose "rpbalko" as my username. Now how many people out there do you suppose are pining for the username "rpbalko" in order to access ABC News' daily email of political gossip? Turns out, more than one. That name was taken. So they bring me back to the register screen, where all my info is sits still filled in as I'd originally entered it. Except, they've underhandedly rechecked the opt-in boxes I've just opted out of! Of course, I didn't catch it until after I'd hit "submit." So my information is now available for anyone who pays ABC's asking price. Sneaky bastards. And yep, by the time I finish writing this, I've already gotten my ABC News confirmation email -- and an inquiry about lowering my mortgage.

The "What Obscure, Underground Band Are You" quiz.

While I give two thumbs up for the effort, I have to quibble with my own results. Apparently, I'm "The International Noise Conspiracy," described as...

....a socialist band from sweden. They have a very charged, determined, political sound with a lot of punk and 60s overtones. They're very concerned about politics, but are not always completely serious, and do have a goofy side -- even if it doesn't always translate in their music. On top of this they are extremely sharp dressers. Their music videos are more inspiring than most fashion shows. They sure know how to rock out, especially lead singer Dennis Lyxzen, who falls over alot, and really knows how to swing a microphone around.

Here's a deliciously addictive little blog. "In Passing" basically consists of snippets of conversations this chick Eve (as in Eve S. Dropper -- get it?) overhears as she goes about her life in Berkeley, CA. Judging by her comments sections, she gets an enormous amount of traffic. I can see why. A wonderful way to scratch that voyeuristic itch -- but without feeling dirty about it. Some of the quotes seem a bit too incisive, political or profound to have come from random people Eve crosses paths with. I'm a bit suspect that Joe Townsperson is quite that compelling. But then again, she does live in a college town. If I remember my days in Bloomington IN correctly, pretty much everyone from the students to the townies to the grad students working in the coffee shops seemed to think and speak in pithy, bumper-sticker nuggets of language.

FBI, 1. FRIP JOINTS, 0.

John Ashcroft, having evidently completely erradicated the al-Queda threat is now directing FBI resources toward America's new enemy: "happy ending" massage parlors. The really insulting assault-on-our-intelligence part of this story is the DOJ's press release, which links the war-on-hand-jobs to -- you guessed it -- "the war on terrorism." Gene Healy has the scoop.

This gave me goosebumps the size of blueberries. This guy has put together the most amazing design for the new WTC site I've yet to see or read about. This is the kind of vision Ground Zero needs. The designs commissioned a couple of weeks ago by NYC were woefully uninspired and conventional, most unfitting for message-sending, healing, and onward-marching. This guy's idea is bigger, it's broader, it's reverent, it's grand, it's beautiful, it's solemn and it's forward-thinking. Go check it out. Then pass it on. Lots of people need to know about this.

Two worthy pieces on Tech Central Station today. Nick Schulz pays tribute to Milton Friedman. And James Shikwati on how the assinine double whammy of western protectionism and aid are exacerbating the starvation and AIDS epidemics in Africa.

Vote in TV Guide's "favorite cartoon character of all-time" poll. I picked Eric Cartman. A few gripes: How can you put Bart and Lisa Simpson together? Bart might be in my top ten. Lisa is among my ten worst. Every time there's a "Lisa episode" of The Simpsons, it's a surefire click-through.

And where's Mighty Mouse? Tom Slick? Superchicken? What about some of the great secondary Simpson's characters? Ralph Wiggum? Troy McClure? Ned Flanders? And how can you include Tom and Jerry, but overlook Droopy?

And OK, so asking for The Ambiguously Gay Duo might be a bit much. But I'd have voted for them.

What's every body looking at? Nothing!

Actually, my single favorite cartoon character of all-time would have to be Jimmy, the "handi-capable" stand-up comedian from this wonderful episode of South Park. But that was his only appearance. So he probably wouldn't make the cut.

Wow. What a terrific audience.

.

GET YOUR AGITATOR GEAR!

We're up and open for business. Brian Kieffer did the splendid logo. Many thanks and kudos to him. Click the link above to see the CafePress store, where you can get your T-shirts, "flying discs," coffee mugs, mouse pads and much, much more. I don't get a whole lot from this -- a dollar, two most, per item. It's more for promotional purposes -- and fun -- than anything.

Happy 90th birthday to Milton Friedman.

Tune in to ABC tonight at 10 pm ET to see John Stossel take on the drug war.

OK, so on to my health fiasco.

First, the marathon is off, unfortunately. I won't be able to run again for at least a few weeks. And even then, my lung capacity will be pretty much nixed to nothing. Don't think I could get caught up in time to actually pull off a December marathon. That's a little disappointing. If you donated to me, I'll be cutting you a check soon. Thanks for the support. If you're still interested in helping out folks with arthritis you can go here, and make a check directly to the Arthritis Foundation. The marathon stuff will be pulled off the site once our redesign is finished.

So here's how it all happened:

For the past few months, I'd been getting these nasty abdominal pains -- about once every three weeks or so. Usually, I could sleep them off in a few hours, so I figured they were a food allergy, or maybe some bad indigestion. They were sometimes bad enough that I'd need to take a 1/2 day from work, though. And I'm sure my boss was starting to get a little suspicious.

So Thursday I started to get them again in the latter part of the morning. Lunch rolled round. I wasn't really hungry so I went down the street for a banana smoothie. This is important because for the next 24 hours, I would be asked approximately 60 times what I'd had to eat that day, and each and every time I'd have to face the embarrassment of answering "...just a banana smoothie."

By about two, the pains were so bad I decided to go home. I really shouldn't have even tried to drive. I got home, hit the bed and...sort of fell asleep. Not a real sleep. A half-conscious sleep, the kind where all of your dreams revolve around whatever it is that's keeping you awake. So in my case, I dreamt about being in a box as a magician sawed me in half -- through the belly, of course; about getting punched really hard in the stomach by my arch playground nemesis; and about that scene in Alien where the little bugger claws through the chick's stomach from the inside.

I woke up about an hour later with the shivers, with lots of sweat, with pain from my head to my stomach, and with lots of disorientation. I decided I'd probably need to see a doctor. Quickly. So I called a few friends. Nobody home. I checked with the really nice neighbors to the west. Not home. Damn. Only one option left. The really mean, cold-hearted neighbors to the east. The house of the lesbians.

Here's a quick digression: When I first moved in, I was warned of the lesbians by my roommates. "They're man haters," my roommates said, "you're best to avoid them." I found this hard to believe. Fit the stereotype too comfortably. So I noticed they had a yappy little dog. Sensing an opportunity for some neighborly bonding, I knocked on the door.

"I was wondering if your dog might want to hop the fence and get some play time with my dog in our backyard," I said.

Icy stare.

"We're cooking dinner for Sabbath right now."

"Oh. Okay. Well, maybe we could do it another time."

That's what I said. "Maybe we could do it another time."

Her reply?

"Yeah. Probably not. I think we have plans then, too. "

What? You have plans? When? At another time? Evil.

So with that in mind, I cautiously approached the lesbians' house, still shivering, pale, sweating, feverish, sickly.

Lesbian "A" answers the door, cradling the infant they'd just adopted.

Icy stare.

"I was w-w-w-wondering if someone might be able to drive me to the hospital."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Stomach pain. Hot. Cold. Shivers. Can't stand very well. Need to go to the hospital...."

"Weeeeeeell......."

What? What the hell was that? She was giving me the "I'm not sure" tone? Who does this when a neighbor needs to go to the hospital?

Her parents came out from another room. I was still on the porch.

"I don't know.....see.....my in-laws are in town. And we have the baby here.....and....."

She couldn't be serious.

"Couldn't they w-w-w-watch the baby? I n-n-n-need to see a d-d-d-doctor soon...."

"Yeah, see, I'm not sure......"

Mother in law chimes in....

"Why don't you just call an ambulance."

Ouch. Grating East Coast accent. Ears hurt now, too.

It went on for a few minutes like that. Me trying to persuade them why my symptoms were worthy of ten minutes of their time to make a car trip to the emergency room -- four miles down the road. Them telling me that they're really kind of busy, and maybe it'd be best if I called a friend -- or just dialed 9-1-1.

Soon, I'd collapsed. Blacked out. At that, they called an ambulance. Lucky them. No sickly body tainting their back seat. Lucky me. A $700 ambulance ride I could have avoided had they merely dropped me off at the hospital.

They're getting a thank-you card.

The rest of the day went as you'd expect an emergency appendectomy might. I spent about three hours in the emergency room before I ever saw a doctor. I spent the first hour in a closed room with no windows, no clock, and nothing to read. Wasn't this the kind of crap the Red Cross was complaining about at Camp X-Ray? Finally I threw open the door, wandered into the emergency room waiting room -- still in my peekaboo hospital gown -- and grabbed an armful of magazines.

I told them about ten times that it was probably appendicitis. No, they told me, if it were appendicitis, I should have a fever. OK. You know best.

"We're going to do a CT-scan," Georgetown student doctor said, "we need to see what it is in there that's giving you trouble."

What is is in there? What the hell does that mean? Now I was paranoid. I'd just watched the episode of Six Feet Under with the plotline about the kid -- age 27 no less -- who has stomach cancer. Naturally, you assume the worst.

Fast forward another few hours. It's about 9 pm now. CAT scan is done. Doctor comes in.

"Well, you're not pregnant!"

Ha! Gallows humor. Love it.

"I knew that. I use the rhythm method."

"Blood counts are great. Urine's great. You've got acute appendicitis. Needs to come out tonight."

So I had surgery that night. Evidently, I woke up in recovery -- still really high on morphine -- and debated the merits of medical savings accounts versus traditional health insurance with my student doctors. They found this really amusing. I don't remember. But it probably happened. Once a dork, always a dork.

I spent most of the next day attempting to urinate. My first surprise? Someone was very crafty with the razor. Crafty and unnecessarily thorough. I felt like a porn star. I'd like to think there are polaroids floating around the nurses' station.

Apparently, it's very important to urinate after surgery. Here's the problem: it's also damned near impossible. I drank enough water to soak a golf course. I sat in my bed with a bladder swelled to the size of Fargo. Still, I'd walk into the bathroom, line up the troops....and....nothing. I told the nurse of my problem. "That's normal," she said. "It's the anesthesia. Even for young guys like you. It'll come. But you'd better keep trying. Otherwise they put in a catheter."

Nothing motivates like the threat of unspeakable manhood-pain. Over the next few hours, I produced. I gave 'em all they could handle. They gave me a container to fill so they could measure my "output." It wasn't' nearly big enough. I could've filled up every empty container in the room. Done measuring with that? Here, measure this vase. Measure the water pitcher. Measure my socks. The trash can. My soup bowl. If you got it, I'll fill it.

I was in and out in 25 hours. The next day, I went home and ate soup and watched awful Friday night television. Saturday night I saw Austin Powers (I give it enough stars to fill a swelled appendix -- go see it).

And today I'm back at work.

A thousand thank-yous for all the kind emails and well-wishes. Y'all rock.

Cool interview with a cool guy. Corpoate Mofo talks with Adam Curry.

In case you're wondering, I'm still in part-time mode. I should be back with guns blazin' tomorrow. Feeling great.

Thomas Friedman ought to have his Pulitzer revoked for Sunday's bogus column. It's anti-corporate, pro-big government hysteria absent of all logic and reason. How a guy so smart on foreign policy can opine on domestic policy with such blatant stupidity and naivete boggles the mind. Read his intro graph:

Several years ago an Indian journalist friend of mine, who was working in Indonesia, remarked to me that corruption in the Indonesian bureaucracy was so endemic that when he paid a bribe to renew his residency permit, the Indonesian official he paid off actually gave him a receipt for his bribe so my friend could be reimbursed by his newspaper. For anyone who has worked abroad, such stories are not unusual. But they are also a useful prism for examining the epidemic of corporate cheating now wracking America.

What distinguishes America is our system's ability to consistently expose, punish, regulate and ultimately reform those excesses — better than any other. How often do you hear about such problems being exposed in Mexico or Argentina, Russia or China? They may have all the hardware of capitalism, but they don't have all the software — namely, an uncorrupted bureaucracy to manage the regulatory agencies, licensing offices, property laws and commercial courts.

It doesn't end there. How in the world can Friedman suggest that America is the envy of the world because of our bureaucracy? It's just the opposite. We're the envy of the world because we're prosperous. And we're prosperous because we have one of the world's freest economies -- "free" meaning free from the hand of the state. If bureaucracy were the key to prosperity, shouldn't a country like India -- where it takes years to open a business -- be among the world's strongest economies?

Ah...Friedman writes, but our regulators are "incorruptible." Please. Ever hear of rent seeking? Most of today's corporate scandals are in fact caused by excessive oversight bureaucracy. Accounting laws and regulations are so thick and impenetrable, corruption is almost inevitable because 1) it's impossible for any corporation to follow all the rules, as there's just too damned many of them, and, 2) precisely because there are so many, it's easy to find loopholes and escape hatch nooks and crannies in which to stuff red ink and failed ventures.

If they're honest, corporations and regulators both will tell you that every cooperation in America breaks regulatory laws. There just to damned many of them, lots of times they're contradictory (i.e. you can't bide by one regulation without breaking another), and corporate America would come to an absolute standstill were it to employ the legal manpower necessary to seriously adhere to the regulatory code. So you end up with regulators and corporations waltzing with one another. Regulators will look the other way on this violation if the company in question redoubles its efforts on that one. You also get scapegoating, example-making, and favorite playing, as any administration with a grudge can find violations by company A -- it only need look hard enough. That leads to quid-pro-quos and cronyism. Company A could be a political enemy, someone the executive needs to make an example of to put out PR fires, or merely the competition of a more politically friendly corporation. When the laws are so thick and mesmerizing that everyone is breaking them, an administration doesn't even need to resort to political favoritism. That is, you don't need to tell a political supporter that you'll look the other way on EPA violations for X amount of PAC contributions. Rather, you can simply reward each PAC contribution by citing the supporter's competition for violating those same laws. Because everybody's breaking them.

Tom Friedman thinks this system is the envy of the world. Wrong. American capitalism is the envy of the world because, nasty and impenetrable and corruptible as our regulatory scheme is, the rest of the world is about a thousand times worse. Our system works best because it puts more faith in markets to correct problems than most every other country's. And if we put more faith in markets, things would get even better.

So to catch up a bit....

1.

It looks like Bush might be coming around on farm subsidies.

2.

The Democrats want to extend collective bargaining benefits for Homeland Security Personnel. That means the executive can't fire incompetent employees and can't give merit bonuses to employees who perform well. This, in a new cabinet department that's supposed to defend us from terrorism? Whatever you think of the Homeland Security stuff (I think it's typical assuage-the-public-with-a-new-government-agency bullshit), this is the stuff of satire. If the Republicans needed a campaign issue, they just got one dropped in their laps. Are the Democrats so beholden to the unions that they're willing to prevent the President from firing incompetent civil servants sworn to protect us from terrorists? Aren't these the same Democrats who were demanding 9/11 accountability from the executive branch just months ago?

Next question, are the Republicans smart enough to actually use this in mid-term campaigns? I doubt it.

3.

Finally, Christopher Hitchens was on Dennis Miller Live this weekend -- sporting a pinstriped suit, sandals, a cigarette and a tumbler of what looked to be gin and tonic -- giving a colonic tongue bath to North Carolina's Senator Handsome, Jon Edwards. I can't help but admire Hitchens' contrarian instincts and staggering talent as a writer. I found the April 2002 Atlantic Monthly while in the emergency room Thursday night and, due to typical emergency room efficiency, had time to read his entire 8,000 word deconstruction of Winston Churchill. It was astonishing. But Hitchens' politics are abhorrent. His respect for Edwards stems from Edwards' trial lawyer days. Hitchens praised Edwards for winning millions for the parents of a little girl whose intestines were sucked out by a faulty hot tub drain. Good for him.

But Edwards also won lots of other medical malpractice suits that set unfortunate precedents with outrageous punitive awards. Once the victim of medical malpractice suit is made whole again -- once medical bills, lost past and future wages, and pain and suffering are paid for -- the rest is gravy really, no more than another vacation home for the likes of Edwards. The high punitives trend Edwards' cases began then spread throughout the south. The unintended consequence was that malpractice insurers packed up and left those states that didn't enact tort reform to limit damages. Now there huge regions of the rural south where high-risk doctors like OB-GYNs, emergency room residents and specialized surgeons are nowhere to be found because they can't get insurance.

So Hitchens can snort all he wants about Bush fighting for the insurance industry and Edwards fighting for little girls who've had their intestines sucked out. But without some kind of reform (and I oppose it coming from the federal level, as Bush has proposed) women in Mississippi are finding it increasingly difficult to find doctors to deliver their babies. And that's largely due to a process that begins when trial lawyers like Edwards reap huge damages (of which they keep 1/3 to 1/2 for themselves) wholly disproportionate to the damage the act of malpractice actually caused.

I wrote a column on all of this a couple of months ago. Read it here.

So here's the first logo nominee I got from one of my readers. I think we have a winner. Thoughts?

OK, so to clear up any confusion, yes, this is Radley posting now. Thanks to Jefferson and the pseudonymed Bunny Foo Foo for filling in for me yesterday (learned lesson #1: don't give your blogger password to friends while under the seduction of morphine).

So yes, I had an emergency appendectomy Thursday night. I came home a mere 25 hrs. later (a new hospital record, I'm told). Still not at 100%, but I thought I'd log in to let you know I'm back. Also, I need to change my password in case Jefferson decides to do some "drunk blogging."

Details of my nutsy past 48 hours to come.

MARATHON UPDATE XI

Who needs an appendix anyway? Damn vestigial organ was just slowin’ Radley down. It’s like running with a two-pound weight in your gut (six pounds for Radley – the doctor said it resembled a leaky front porch pumpkin after an unusually hot November). Anywho, I figure that without the extraneous organ, he should be able to shave a few minutes off his marathon time. That reminds me. I have to schedule my exococcygectomy to remove my vestigial tail.

Last week, Mr. Balko made three assertions regarding an article in the Wall Street Journal titled "Interfaith is No Faith"

The article explained why the Lutheran church does not participate in interfaith worship services and requires their clergy to refrain from same.

Mr. Balko's three points:

1) This is ridiculous, after all, wasn't 9/11 about people taking the "one true faith" thing too seriously.
2) On the other hand, if you think you're right, maybe you shouldn't participate in interfaith services.
3) This is why religion is so whack, because some people insist they're right and others are wrong, etc.

Bunnie responds:

1) 9/11 was about killing massive amounts of people in the name of the "one true faith" thing -- when Lutherans begin crashing their Chevy trucks into Methodist sanctuaries and developing "suicide organs" -- then such a comparison might be warranted. Until then, nobody should really be judging how Lutherans choose to worship or practise their faith. And why would we think we can tell a church body to change their doctrine when we're not even religious?
2) No argument there.
3) How come we don't think it's weird when two people get married and, presumably, only engage in marital acts with each other --- but we think it's unconscionable that people would treat their relationship with God as similarly sacred and exclusive?

I'm sorry -- that will be the end of the God-blogging on this otherwise agnostic (the bisexual of the religious realm, I say) blog.

Bunnie: Balko likes all those hip-edgy-alterna bands (if they're so alternative, why do they debut so high on the charts, hunh?) so I figure his readers might like this tidbit I found on The Modern Age from the Strokes mailing list:

"** although we were trying to wait as long as we could, hoping that julian's knee would get better in time for the remaining TWO shows with WEEZER that we have scheduled for JULY 29 & 30, we now have come to the conclusion that THE STROKES will NOT be able to perform on these two shows so we must cancel. **

jules' knee is not healing as quickly as we thought and it hurts him to even move around much, so we have to think about his recovery, most importantly, so that he heals properly... "

The thing most disturbing about this is that The Strokes are so lame they probably ARE canceling due to a knee injury. Remember when rock bands used to play pissed out of their gourds? Now knee injuries stop them. "Last night" my ass!

Bunnie Foo Foo again. This seems like a Radley Balko type quiz:

Which of the following are porn star names and which are My Little Pony(TM) names?
Cherry Treats
Lucky Star
Love Melody
Daisy Sweet
Sunshine Blue
Honey Rose
Ruby Lips
Misty Rain
Green Eyes
Heart Throb
Chocolate Delight
Sweetie Pie

(and, in RB fashion, I'll tell you the answers: Ponies: Cherry Treats, Daisy Sweet, Love Melody, Ruby Lips (I'm serious), Heart Throb, Chocolate Delight (again, I'm serious). Porn stars (though I'm sure the readership needs no such help with these): Lucky Star, Sunshine Blue, Honey Rose, Misty Rain (one of my favourites), Green Eyes, Sweetie Pie)

More details on Radley's condition from another guest blogger: Apparently, last night, Radley experienced some swelling in his organ. Since it is an organ that doesn't get much use, he became frightened. Luckily, it has been removed and he is recovering nicely.

This is guest blogger Bunnie Foo Foo reporting for a hospitalized Balko. My sources indicate this is not Radley's attempt to emulate the original Marathon runner, but, rather, one of the following:

1) Last night's Hayek debate turned violent when one libertarian claimed the philosopher was wrong in Chapter 4, footnote 3, of his penultimate book.
2) The energetic stripper Radley took home last night had a few surprises of her own.
3) Something about an appendix.

What's on TV tonight....

So a friend of mine just shared a very funny story that I thought I'd relay. First, I know what you're going to think. No, this isn't about me. It really is about a friend. I haven't been to the doctor in years. To protect his identity, we'll call my friend "Geoff." Geoff it seems was recently put on high blood pressure medication. But Geoff is pretty darned sure he doesn't have high blood pressure. He's taken his blood pressure away from his doctor's office, and it's really pretty normal. But every time Geoff gets his blood pressure taken at the doctor's office, he gets a high reading. Hence, the prescription for high blood pressure medication. He finally realized what the problem was, and its rather comical.

First, Geoff is something of a lecher. I don't think he'd mind me saying that. He likes the ladies. Lots. As it turns out, the nurse at his particular doctor's office is, well, hot. And flirty. And, as he describes it, she's usually dressed in lose-fitting scrubs that offer glimpses any reasonably warm-blooded man would take advantage of. What's more, when she takes his blood pressure, she puts his arm in the Velcro sleeve, then -- and these are his words -- "she cradles the rest of my arm 'neath her breasts. It's very cozy." This gets Geoff's heart going pitter-patter, thus spiking his blood pressure. And that would explain the high readings.

I suspect chicanery. I wonder if Geoff's doctor has a disproportionately high number of male patients with "high blood pressure?" I wonder if Geoff's doctor has made the leap that his hot, flirty nurse in the lose scrubs might be the cause? I wonder if he gets kickbacks from the high blood pressure medication people?

I'm sure there's a way to tie this into empirical studies, testing, sampling, libertarianism, data, blah, blah, blah. But I'm too lazy to think of how to do it. I just think it's a damned funny story.

A nice piece by the InstaMan debunking the assinine RAVE Act. Drug war lunacy at its most absurd.

Here are the lyrics to Steve Earle's "John Walker's Blues:"

I'm just an American boy raised on MTV

And I've seen all those kids in the soda pop ads

But none of 'em looked like me

So I started lookin' around for a light out of the dim

And the first thing I heard that made sense was the word

Of Mohammed, peace be upon him

A shadu la ilaha illa Allah

There is no God but God

If my daddy could see me now — chains around my feet

He don't understand that sometimes a man

Has to fight for what he believes

And I believe God is great all praise due to him

And if I should die I'll rise up to the sky

Just like Jesus, peace be upon him

We came to fight the Jihad and our hearts were pure and strong

As death filled the air we all offered up prayers

And prepared for our martyrdom

But Allah had some other plan some secret not revealed

Now they're draggin' me back with my head in a sack

To the land of the infidel

MARATHON UPDATE X

It's been awhile since I've done one of these. My second week of training (that is, a week ago Sunday until last Sunday) was pretty weak. It was part due to the weather. Part due to my own laziness. Part due to a really crappy week all around. That'll happen. I realize this isn't make you all make a leap for checkbooks, but hey, just being straight with you. I actually missed my group run Saturday morning. Given how sweaty and awful it was last weekend, I decided to do my scheduled six miler Sunday evening. I got out, ran three, then cramped up and felt miserable. I had gotten a four mile run in earlier in the week, but that's about it. Didn't exactly keep up with my nutrition either, as the roommate talked me into Five Guys gluttony Saturday afternoon. So that's the bad news.

The good news is, this week's gone much, much better. I did a three mile maintenance run on Monday, and a four miler last night. I'll probably get a 4.5 miler in before Saturday morning, which this week is an 8-mile group run. Thanks to a nutrition clinic put on by the program, I've started eating a heck of a lot better, too. Funny thing. It turns out that my diet staples of burgers, Indian food and Boston Market are actually all bad choices for a rigorous training program. Who knew?

So we're at 66 total miles run, and a little over $200 raised. My first fundraising deadline is just three weeks away. I need to have $1,250 by mid-August. By my calculations, we're officially "a shitload" short of that number right now.

I did the three miles Monday on a treadmill. That means I used the Walkman. Which means I get to run down my run list mix for you. In order:

Steve Earle, cover of Nirvana's "Breed"
The Kinks, "Living on a Thin Line"
Poison, "Valley of Lost Souls"
The Black Crowes, "Soul Singing"
Joseph Arthur, "Exhausted"
White Stripes, "Hotel Yorba"
Gay Dad, "Now, Always and Forever"

James Landrith sends this release/response from Steve Earle, courtesy of NashvilleDigest.com:

I don't condone what [Walker Lindh] did. ... My son Justin is almost exactly Walker's age. Would I be upset if he suddenly turned up fighting for the Islamic Jihad? Sure, absolutely. Fundamentalism, as practiced by the Taliban, is the enemy of real thought, and religion, too." But , Earle said, "The culture here didn't impress [Walker Lindh], so he went looking for something to believe in." Earle went on to say, "I'm not trying to get myself deported or something. In a big way this is the most pro-American record I've ever made. I feel urgently American.

Eep. Read this. Go home. Cry.

It's pretty speculative -- especially when delving into the secondary and tertiary effects of a smallpox attack -- but it's damn sobering to say the least. A particularly galling excerpt:

The best defense is mass pre-attack vaccination because the attack wouldn't happen due to being obviously futile. Voluntary pre-attack vaccination of just 10-15% of adults would vastly facilitate post-attack inoculation of everyone else. The vaccinated could maintain order and essential services while the unvaccinated hide in their homes pending inoculation.

The federal health establishment opposes even voluntary vaccination, contending it would kill too many people. Some other agenda is clearly involved given that the whooping cough vaccine mandatory for infants is as dangerous as existing smallpox vaccine.

That agenda is denial. They've spent their whole lives trying to eradicate smallpox, and can't adjust to 9/11. Obstructing vaccination lets them continue to deny that their life's work was wasted. Their institutional cultures and individual agendas mean they'll come up with other reasons against voluntary inoculation with emerging safer vaccines, and obstruct orders to permit it.

More signs that baseball's dead. Part I. Part II.

Salon's "Masterpiece" series focuses on the Kinks' punk seedling "You Really Got Me." Great read. Link via Off Wing.

Rodney Carrington pens a heartfeld letter to his...um..."anatomy." Funny, but not a "work friendly" click through.

Dahlia Metchis writes on Chaim Potok. I'm pretty sure this was meant for publication, since she actually included HTML tags in the text of the email! A low-maintenance crowd, my readers.

I'm writing to thank you for the link to the Chaim Potok obituary. I
hadn't seen it mentioned anywhere else and probably wouldn't have know
about it otherwise. I read The Chosen junior year in high school
and it helped start me on my on-going examination of my Jewishness, which
led me to apply to and eventually attend my current, majority-Jewish home
of Brandeis University. As a reform Jew living in Texas, I (and most of
my friends) had always considered myself an expert when it came to the
Jewish religion, but after reading this book I realized how little I
actually knew about my religion. This feeling was even more enforced
during my first year at Brandeis. Since then I've had an on-again, off-
again relationship with the religion, but it's always been an important
part of who I am. I've never thought of The Chosen as a huge
influence in my life, but it was definately a pebble dropped into a pond
and the effects are still with me.

Financial woes have given the airlines some attitude:

From the Modern Humorist.

Here's a chance for President Bush to make his first correct decision on free trade since taking office. And given that his brother's up for election and needs the Cuba vote, there's not a chance in hell that he'll do the right thing. It's pretty disappointing to think that this president -- one of the most rhetorically free-trade in history -- has such a dismal record promoting world markets. How is it that a notoriously politics-over-principles president like Bill Clinton was far more trade friendly than Bush has been?

I don't ever remember laughing quite as hard as I did last night. I went to see the hypnotist comedian Flip Orley at the D.C. Improv. Seems like Flip's show would be hit or miss, as it's pretty dependent on how outgoing and creative the audience is. But I've seen him twice now, and both times I came out with a laugher's bellyache and tears in my eyes. It's hard to have fun in a stuffy comedy club that's filled to capacity on a July night in Washington. But this guy's good.

On the subject of American artists beloved by the U.K. music press, reader Shane Blake suggests you give a listen to Bill Mallonee and the Vigilantes of Love. He's right. You should. There's a whole album's worth of free MP3s over at MP3.com. Good stuff.

Chris Wulff writes in resposne to my clumsy McDonald's/Vouchers comparison:

What about the comparisons between the voucher system for public elementary and secondary schools and the subsidies for Universities. The competition between public and private colleges and universities is intense. Granted the very top programs may be private, but that doesn't mean the public universities are a distant second. Take for example Stanford & UC-Berkely, or USC & UCLA, two comparisons that show that competition between public and private universities makes each one better.

Rabbi/novelist Chaim Potok is dead at 73. His book The Chosen was the first exposure I ever really had to...er...Jewishness, given my Greenfield, Indiana upbringing. I read it in the ninth grade on the advice of my rather worldly English teacher Ms. Rose -- worldly in that she assigned us books that drove Hancock County parents nuts, and made for exciting school board meetings. Yeah, I know. Sounds almost too trite to be true, doesn't it?

Ms. Rose was eventually worn down by the constant criticism she got from parents, fellow teachers and, yeah, us kids. She was the first teacher to encourage me to write, though, and I owe her quite a bit. How I got to eulogizing my not-dead-that-I-know-of high school English teacher after linking to a Potok obit is beyond me. Give me a break. It's the end of the day.

James Landrith is taking up the cause for a memorial to slave rebels in the nation's capital. I'm game. Lew Rockwell kiddies, are you with us? If the confedero-libertarian crowd is what they say the are -- pro-secession, pro-rebellion, pro-states and all the while anti-tyranny and anti-slavery -- then slaves who rose up against their captors would seem to be an ideal group to cite for a memorial, would they not? Would be interesting to see if a paleolibertarian could support both the Confederacy and rebel slaves in the same breath. Their stated principles would seem to suggest they should.

Ken Layne knows more about Steve Earle than I do.

So I'm working with a designer on the new look for this page and it occurred to me that I need a logo. Any one with design experience interested in helping me out? I can pay, but I'd rather not pay a lot (who would?). I can give you crazy credit on the site -- permanent mention if you like. Needs to be hi-rez, so we can put it on a CafePress T-shirt (it's all about branding, right?). I was thinking a mascot might be fun. I'm picturing a cartoonish little kid with a caricaturish big head and small body. He's got his hat turned backwards. He's got his hands in his pockets and he's kind of slovenly. He has his mouth open really wide and he's screaming at someone. You know -- agitating. I think I'm stealing that from somewhere. I'm of course open to other ideas, too.

Ever wonder what Ken Starr is up to these days? Well, he's just joined a legal team that's fighting for the right of South Carolinians to get tattoos. This brings up a number of questions:

1) You can't get a tattoo in South Carolina? Actually, you can. And people do. But because tattoos are illegal, they get them on the black market. South Carolina lawmakers say the ban is to protect the state's "image," and "to protect the public health." They haven't explained how fostering an unregulated, underground tattoo-giving industry "protects the public health."

2) What about panties? Can I sell my soiled panties in South Carolina? No, you can't do that either. Again, "image," and "public health."

3) What other things can't I do in South Carolina? Apparently, you aren't allowed to dance on Sundays. You aren't allowed to sell anything within a half mile of a church, unless it's fruit. You can, however, get "In God We Trust" emblazoned on your license plate.

4) What if I want to have sex with my girlfriend -- but she's just 14 years-old. Can I do that? Yes, you can.

5) What if I'm in love with my cousin? Could I marry her in South Carolina? Yeah, you can do that too.

6) Isn't Ken Starr a right-wing loony? Why is he taking on a free-speech case? Ken Starr was never a right-wing loony. It was just convenient for the Clinton spin machine to portray him that way.

7) Won't this hurt his reputation with the Jerry Falwell crowd? I suspect he doesn't care.

About five years ago, the Cato Institute's David Boaz wrote an opinion piece called "pro-choice." This month, he's written another called "pro-life." No, he hasn't changed his position. And neither piece is about abortion. But both are worth reading.

Sheesh. I lose my Internet connection for one afternoon and I come back to the feeling I've been in a coma for seven years.

First, an issue near and dear to me -- Steve Earle. Man. What to say? To fill you in, Earle has apparently penned a song called "Johnny Walker's Blues." If you're familiar with Earle and his substance abuse history, that probably doesn't seem like something likely to stir up much controversy, does it? Well, turns out, it's about Johnny Walker Lindh. And apparently, it's pretty sympathetic to him, and takes some cheap shots at the ol' U.S. of A to boot. Glenn Reynolds summarizes the blogosphere's quick and virulent reaction.

I'm withholding judgment until I hear the song. I find this very sad. Let me also say that the Earle-bashing bloggers, pundits and talk-radio airbags who have labeled this a "career move," and have dismissed Earle as a has-been are woefully ignorant of Earle's late-career success. Since coming out of jail for a cocaine conviction, Earle's been a critical darling. And with good reason. His 1996 release I Feel Alright was a masterpiece. It won him high acclaim among highbrow critics and paved the way for what is always an interesting hybrid of followers at Earle's live shows -- half AOR devotees in torn denim waiting for "Copperhead Road" and "Guitar Town," and half coffee shop doinks in pointy glasses and turtlenecks who bought tickets to hear "More Than I Can Do" or "Hardcore Troubadour."

He then released The Mountain, a tribute to the great Bill Monroe, backed by the Del McCoury bluegrass band. It too was a critical blockbuster and solidified his bona-fides as a country picker.

Finally, he put out 2000's Transcendental Blues, which is really unlike anything he'd ever done. Recorded in Ireland, it's loaded with Celtic and Irish influences, boasts melodies reminiscent of McCartney and Lennon, and mixes rock tracks with folk tracks with country tracks with pop. It's wonderful.

Earle still sells out medium-sized venues, and he hasn't made a bomb since before he went to prison.

So if this latest move isn't a desperate career-saving gesture, what's one to make of Earle's treachery?

My guess is that Earle really is making a political statement. He's always been a rabid leftist -- Marxist, really. And as artists often do, he's carrying his latest political dalliance to an extreme to a) further his point, b) stretch the limits of free expression, and, c) test the tolerance of his fans. It's classic rock n' roll shock value. Sort of like when Marilyn Manson sings about eating children. I doubt he's really barbecuing babies with Rose McGowan. He's rocking the boat.

It appears Earle's a little troubled by the outbreak of post 9/11 reactionary patriotism, and this is his way of asking his fans to take a couple of steps back. If that's the case, it's certainly a misguided effort. The song's only going to get him pilloried, it's going to kill him in the country music business, and it will likely only invigorate the patriotism among, while alienating his pre-prison God n' guns fans.

Of course, it's also possible that a guy with a long history of drug and alcohol problems and six failed marriages has finally flipped. Maybe life was plugging along too happily, and Earle longed for the turmoil he endured in his youth. He certainly found it.

If the song's what everyone is saying it is, and if the quotes attributed to Earle in the past couple of days are accurate, none of these are really acceptable excuses. They're merely explanations. I'm pretty troubled by it all, to be honest. To me, Earle's music -- particularly the post-prison stuff -- has pretty much defined roots-rock Americana. He's doing what John Mellencamp did in the 1980's. He puts hopes, aspirations, prejudices, loves and lives of heartland Americans into song, warts and all. "More Than I Can Do," for example -- probably his closest thing to a hit since "Copperhead Road -- is for all its sweet melodies and light arrangement a song about obsession. A lovelorn fellow stalking his best girl, really. But it's also scrapes-and-nails honest. There's not an ounce of bullshit in Earle's music.

So to see a guy whose music embodies much of what America is, now putting his steel-toed J.B. Hills into America's ribs while she's down is to say the least, a little disappointing.

But as I say, I want to hear the song.

More good stuff from Slate. Mickey Kaus gives props to Slate editor Jach Shafer for bitch-slapping the New York Times. Four times! (Scroll down to last Wednesday). The two better slaps are here (debunking an alarmist NYT article reporting that Bush is cutting back Superfund), and here (calling the NYT's own sweetheart deal with the New York City into question on the same day the paper ran two opinion columns -- by Kristoff and Krugman, naturally -- slamming Bush for pulling essentially the same shenanigans with the city of Houston).

If you've ever wondered, as I have, what exactly is involved in baseball's "antitrust exemption," David Greenberg has a fascinating history and analysis in Slate. It's a great read, but I find one sentence a little tough to swallow:

"Conflict is hardwired into the player-owner relationship, as it is in any labor-management arrangement where gross inequities persist."

Come on. I know that liberal writers are predisposed to siding with the proletariat in any labor-management dispute. But to suggest that any industry where "workers" average just over $1 million a year for six months of work (not to mention the benefits of fame, endorsements, etc.) is a "gross inequality" is more than a little disingenuous.

Here's a link to an interview I did with the Free Congress Foundation about my FoxNews.com voucher column. It's about three minutes long.

Real Media
MP3 Format

Here's a cool little baseball article in the New Scientist. Seems that managers have been going about it all wrong -- statistics say your squad's power hitter should be second in the lineup, not fourth. A higher spot in the order means more at-bats, which means more chances to knock guys in. The worst hitter shouldn't go 9th, either. You want a decent player in the last spot so he's more likely to get on base, so your power hitter has something to knock home, since he's now batting just two slots ahead. Of course, the analysis was done on stats from 1989. That's pre-Colorado Rockies, pre-steroids, pre-smaller ballparks with closer fences, pre-pitching diluting expansion. I wonder if the fact that just about everybody's putting up 30 homers these days might tweak Mr. Bukiet's conclusions.

In the latest issue of GQ (no link, as Conde Nast has yet to discover this newfangled "Internet" doohicky), the sometimes funny Joe Queenan laments the dearth of schmucks in modern American culture. The Patrick Swayzes and John Wayne Bobbits are here for just precious moments, he says, before slithering off into post 15-minutes obscurity. He longs for the likes of Sammie Davis, Jr. and Phyllis Diller, who turned schmuckiness into lasting (in)fame(y). The piece was fairly amusing, if a little self-aggrandizing (how is Joe Queenan, of all people, arbiter of all that is and isn't schmuck?).

But I've got a rejoinder to Queenan. This guy has been with us for, what, twenty years now? And from the looks of things, giving up the booze hasn't slowed him down a bit. He's still schmucking it up with monster truck ferocity. Do the Germans really dig this shit? Makes me want to drop a little Bailey's into my morning coffee. Thanks to Julian for the early morning laughs.

A reader in New Hampshire writes:

Great piece - and you are exactly right about the teacher's unions. I would
ask you to rethink one little thing though - your stated preference for a
tax credit system rather than a voucher system.

That's a nice idea if you are talking about upper middle income parents that
have enough "spare" resources to foot the bill first and collect the credit
later but right off the wall and worse than useless for parents at the
bottom of the economic ladder. I know - I collected a welfare check for a
time when my kids were very small & I was newly divorced, when welfare was
FAR more generous than today. For folks at the bottom of the economic
ladder trying to educate bright kids is a do-it-yourself or don't do it at
all project. Tough to stretch a minimum wage income or a welfare check to
cover even the rent & utilities (and sometimes it *doesn't* stretch.)
Clothing is a luxury item (I wore a stapled together bra for quite some time
during that period of my life). An upfront payment for tuition would be out
of the question - upfront payment for school clothes is a challenge.

The only other way you might make a voucher system work is to give the
receiving schools the tax credit - but that makes it a publicly subsidized
scholarship, one that does not give the poorest kids the equal shot they
would have if they held the voucher and did the picking and choosing.

I'm afraid that there is a huge segment of American society, including all
of our lawmakers and most of the media, that hasn't the first clue about
just how poor POOR is.

David Calvani writes:

I just read your column on foxnews.com, "Separate but Equal in Washington, DC."

You are absolutely right. Eleanor Holmes Norton -- like most of the Democrats -- are in the pocket of the teacher's unions. The last thing they want is to have public schools to be held accountable for their own failures.

Also, Democrats like Norton like the fact that a high percentage of black Americans are poorly educated; that makes them more likely to need and want the kind of welfare spending the Democrats like. A black population consisting of independent, well-educated individuals would be a serious threat to the Democratic Party.

To the mail bag this morning. First up, from Texas, regarding my Fox column:

As a public school teacher in Texas, all I can say is "right on"
brother. Public schools are more and more about political and financial
gain for administrators and less and less about educating the kids. Even
in Texas where accountability is championed, we see administrators more
concerned about appearance than the substance of the education we
attempt to provide. A good dose of competition may be just what the
education system needs.

Imagine if we ran other parts of our society this way.

Let's say that the government decided that everyone has a "right" to eat (just like everyone has a "right" to education). And let's say that the government decides to take over all of the McDonald's franchises in the country so it can provide each of us with this "right." From now on, anyone who wants to is free eat at McDonald's, courtesy of the American taxpayer. Of course, if you have the means, you're free to patronize other eateries too. But because the government's now in the restaurant business, the cost of prepared food has soared. And privately owned restaurants are subject to lots of federal, state and local regulations, which makes them even more expensive. Want to cook at home? Be prepared to get a visit from government inspectors, who will drop by periodically to be sure your home-cooked vittles pass federal nutrition standards.

It isn't long before McDonalds shops around the country degenerate. Federally-employed managers know that it's darn near impossible to get themselves fired, and that they'll continue to get the same operating budget every year (adjusted upward 3% for inflation) regardless of whether they make a great Big Mac or a mediocre one, whether the floors are mopped or dirty, whether you wait five minutes for your meal or fifty. Wealthy people are queueing up at Wendy's and Burger King, which have tastier menus, better service, and immaculate bathrooms -- mainly because they have to compete with one another, not to mention with the free McDonalds, to earn the business of affluent customers.

But the rest of us have to go to McDonalds, day in and day out, for another bland McChicken, more chicken-ish McNuggets, another Egg McBlah.

A few politicians finally find the courage to say the system needs change -- that perhaps its time government got out of the business of feeding people. But they're quickly silenced by other politicians and activists who say that bad food is better than no food at all, and that if the government stops giving us the "right" to McDonald's, poor people will starve, and only the rich will have access to polyunsaturated fats, beef-flavored french fries and mysterious-but-delicious "special sauce." What's more, they say, any decent society has a "moral" resonsibility to make sure none of its citizens go hungry.

Let's then say that, finally, we elect a president who says what we've all thought for a long time now -- McDonald's food is awful, it's making us fat and unproductive, and that he, for one, is going to start holding McDonald's accountable for the quality of its product.

But he isn't going to do that by selling off state-owned McDonalds and allowing them to sink or swim on their own. No, instead he's going to send federal inspectors into each McDonalds once a year -- for lunch. The FFFA (Federal Fast Food Administration) will let each McDonalds know in advance what those inspectors will be ordering -- a fish sandwich, small fries and a chocolate milkshake, for example. If that fish sandwich, small fries and chocolate milkshake pass muster at your local McDonalds, it gets to keep its federal funding, and you have to keep eating there. If it fails, the government will instead give you a meal voucher, which you can then take to Burger King, Wendy's, or Jack-In-The-Box.

What might the results of such a system look like? My guess is that each McDonalds would work year round to produce and perfect the best damn fish sandwich, small fries and chocolate milkshake possible. And most of them would probably make each item well enough to pass inspection. But what if you don't like fish or french fries? What if you're lactose intolerant? I'd guess that in an effort to make those three items well, the rest of the menu would go to crap (or go to "crappier," as the case may be). Whatever it is the federal inspectors choose to measure, McDonalds will concentrate on, but likely at the expense of everything else.

A better system would pull the government out of the business of feeding us, and let our food dollars hold each restaurant accountable on its own. That way, each restaurant could spend its operating budget, labor, and resources in a manner most conducive to retaining customers -- not to pleasing federal inspectors.

To get such a system started, you might give people "meal vouchers" to use at any restaurant they please. Or you might grant the entire country a tax credit for the cost of food. Would some people be to poor to eat out? Probably. But the rest of us would probably chip in to make sure they get a decent meal. You might even allow wealthy people an additional tax credit for each meal they buy for the poor.

The analogy isn't perfect, of course. But you could make a case that we have more of a right to food than we do to education. And if such a system seems absurd when applied to a commodity more necessary to our survival, why do we put up with it for a commodity less necessary?

This, believe it or not, is from the Spectator. And it was linked to from Arts & Letters Daily. God help us if I get email on this, and a discussion breaks out.

Here's a decidely different take on Road to Perdition. Quick excerpt:

The theme is choices. Newman must choose between protecting his own son, a weaselly killer, or protecting Hanks, an honorable killer. And in choosing his son he proves himself a coward. And Hanks must choose between letting the transgressions go or exacting his revenge. To root for him and understand him, you have to think that revenge is honorable. It isn't; hiding and crapping your pants in fear is, but revenge is obvious. I mean, really, that Hammurabi dude was kind of a jerk.

In Hollywood, revenge is moral because it makes for a lot of dead bodies. And those are a fuck-sight more entertaining than turning the other cheek, especially when your cheeks are as fat with stored nuts as Tom Hanks's.

And that's the big problem with this movie. It poses itself with all its polished hardwood floors and expensive 1930s cityscapes as a really IMPORTANT movie with a shitload of depth. But its substance is all on the surface and when its over you have nothing to think about but how pretty it looked. Really, it's a pretentious load of horseshit, like a guy in a turtleneck at the Starbucks who looks sort of smart, so long as he doesn't start explaining "Dune" to you.

It's dark, but really only in its lighting. Director Sam Mendes uses rainy nights like a Colfax Avenue whore uses crack; injudiciously and to excess. And if I saw another pasty-faced Irish kid emerge from the darkness I was gonna start throwing punches.

Nevada: America's crapheap. Fascinating piece by Chris Suellentrop, who's proving to be a terrific, thoughtful, insightful writer.

What Sony Music doesn't want you to see....

Mollie Ziegler writes on ecumenicalism, Lutheranism and interfaith prayer services for the Wall Street Journal.

Mollie's a dear friend, and I congratulate her for a splendid hit. The Journal! Color me envious.

But my warm and hearty congratulations aside, I gotta' say that this kind of stuff bothers me.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think it's more than a little ridiculous to think a guy should be shunned from his faith because he participated in a public prayer service with leaders of other faiths for comfort after a national tragedy. I mean, wasn't 9/11 all about 19 guys who took the "ours is the one true faith" jive just a little too seriously?

On the other hand, I'm inclined to think that if you truly think yours is the one truth faith (and most all of them -- including Missouri Synod Lutherans -- do), how could you then pray to the same God with leaders of the "wrong" faiths? Isn't that a little like me wasting a free ticket to the Pacer's game on a Knicks' fan?

On the other hand (quick, somebody give me a hand), all this nonsense is but one of about a thousand reasons why I'm so troubled by religion -- lots of people insisting they're right, and that the rest of us are wicked and sinful and bound for the fires of hell.

Come to think of it, I think my own personal hell would be just that -- I'm tied to a chair, forced to listen to religious leaders argue over scriptural minutiae, speak in vague, mystic metaphors, all the while chiding me for gripping too tightly to earthly logic, instead of making that "leap of faith," and accepting Jesus/Mohammed/Buddha/Vishnu as my savior/God/redeemer/guide-to-enlightenment.

Nah. These guys make a heck of a lot more sense to me.

This is pretty sad on lots of levels.

I have a new column up on Tech Central Station. It's an attempt at satire. Funny thing is, I wrote a similar column just before the 2000 elections, but at the time didn't have a decent outlet to publish it. But in a lot of ways, the column came true, when you think about it. Will be interesting to see if people get the joke.

So while I'm in chauvinist mode, I've been meaning to post on an amusing experience I had the other night. Flipping through the channels, I came across the Game Show Network. I love this channel because they broadcast old reruns of The Match Game, Family Feud and Hollywood Squares. It's a thrill watching B-List celebrities from the 1970's trying desperately to make the leap to relevance by answering goofy questions for awestruck contestants. It's hugely entertaining. Names like Gene Rayburn, Charles Nelson Reilly, Charo (man was she hot in the '70's), Vincent Price, and Paul Lynde. Absolutely priceless.

But my all-time favorite is Richard Dawson. The guy's as smooth as the satin blouses worn by the ladies he regularly molested on Family Feud. Love how he always wore the pinkie ring, and how the pinkie was always, always extended. And whether flirting with Loni Anderson in the front row of The Match Game, or applying an open-mouthed kiss to the eldest daughter of the McWhitty clan on Family Feud, the guy never averted his eyes from the ladies. Stud.

So I was watching an old episode of the Feud the other night and the following question came up (100 people surveyed, top eight answers on the board):

Name an occupation young girls aspire to when they grow up.

Two hands slap the buzzers. First answer: "A stewardess, Richard!" Ding! Number four.

"Three answers will beat it," Richard says.

"Um....a cheerleader!" Ding! Number two!

I was aghast! And secretly loving every minute of it. One by one, the playing family rattled off the most politically incorrect, sexist, anti-feminist answers you could imagine. And all of them made the board!

Model. Ding! Number one!

Nurse. Ding! Number five.

Where's the ERA when you need it?

Ah...but then Richard came to the mother of the family. The matriarch. Surely, she'd give 1970's women something to move on.

"Richard, I'm going to say the presid...." Freeze. Here we are. Finally! The president! A thoughtful, inspirational answer. Well done, mother. OK. Rewind. Back to the tape.

"Richard, I'm going to say the president's wife."

Are you kidding me?!? This can't be happening.

Ding! Number two! (The answer was actually "wife/bride," but the judges gave her the benefit of the doubt.)

I can't remember all the answers, but I do remember every one of them would make a good feminist cringe. One poor sap actually guessed "student." Wrong! Big red "X."

Does NOW know about the Game Show Network? There oughtta' be a law.

I went to Boston Market last night for a late dinner and was shocked to hear them tell me that they were -- I'm not making this up -- out of chicken! The news this morning suggests that I might have a cause of action on my hands.

Eric McErlain has a fun and pretty comprehensive sports blog over at Off-Wing. Today, McErlain criticizes Tiger Woods for not coming out against sex-exclusive golf clubs. There are lots of issues at play here, but first let me quote McErlain's post:

If You're Tiger Woods. . . Your career has been one with few missteps. From your quiet development as a young golfer (save for one appearance on Merv Griffin), to a short but brilliant amateur career at Stanford, through to a meticulously planned pro debut (complete with ready-made endorsements), everything has gone just right. Even when you have stumbled, (a memorable GQ interview when Tiger let loose with some off-color jokes) the media gave you a free pass while it let Fuzzy Zoeller twist in the wind.

But during a press conference at Muirfield before this weekend's British Open, Tiger made another misstep as chronicled by the New York Post:

Tiger Woods, who champions himself as a man vehemently against exclusionary policies for reasons of race or anything else, should be ashamed at the gutless straddle-the-fence answer he delivered yesterday to a question about women not being allowed as members of Augusta National.

"[Augusta National is] entitled to set up their own rules the way they want them," said Woods, whose early existence in golf was all about opening doors to those like himself who were excluded because of prejudice, emphasized by his first Nike TV commercial that blared against his exclusion from certain golf clubs because of the color of his skin.

"That's the way they want to set it up," Woods said. "It's their prerogative to set it up that way. It would be nice to see everyone have an equal chance to participate if they wanted to, but there is nothing you can do about it. . . . It's just the way it is."

Huh? I watched the videotape of this press conference last night, and I have to say I was surprised at how awkward the usually poised Woods seemed to be. But wait, it gets better:

Woods, who is of African-American and Asian descent, was asked if he feels the same way if this discrimination of women also applies to African-Americans and Asians.

"Yes I do," he said.

Which simply left me speechless. As we all recall, Woods' introduction to the world included a series of commercials where he talked about golf courses where he couldn't play because of his race. Now he tells us that was no big deal? Since when is he channeling the spirit of George Wallace?

Tiger's Hypocrisy
This I think is the strongest criticism coming from Tiger-bashers. The Nike commercials he shot referencing segregated courses make it awfully difficult for him to take the position he has (which really isn't a position at all -- it's more of an indifference). It's tough to defend a guy who's willing to make money exploiting race issues, but will then abandon them when it better suits his interests. Much as I like Tiger, I think the criticism of him here is valid.

Consumer Activism and Discrimination at the Country Club
That said, I think Tiger is in some ways correct. Private clubs should be permitted to set membership policies as they please. But when I write "as they please," I mean only that I oppose state-forced integration. That by no means suggests that I don't find race-exclusive clubs repugnant. I also think that consumer activism is a very valuable and necessary means of holding private firms accountable. Free-marketeers often mock consumer activists -- the anti-sweatshop movement, for example. But as far as I'm concerned, there's absolutely nothing wrong with or particularly anti-market about holding corporations publicly accountable for the way they treat their workers. Likewise, there's nothing wrong with holding private clubs responsible for membership policies decent people find deplorable. Granted, activists usually cross the line into calling for state interference -- and at that point they lose me -- but merely calling attention to untoward practices is, I think, a valuable contribution to the market process.

So Tiger is right to say that private clubs should be free to set their own membership policies. But to suggest that there's "nothing he can do about it" is a little tough to stomach. Surely if the world's greatest golfer -- probably the greatest golfer in the history of the world -- were to take a position, heads would turn, pens would scribble and, I'd guess, policies might evolve.

I've written in the past that I admire Tiger for his lack of activism. And I still do. That he's refused to become a tool for "progressive" causes is commendable. But it's more than a little disconcerting to see a guy play the segregation card when it benefits him, but then to duck it once he feels a little heat.

Sex vs. Race
One more caveat. Personally, I'm fine with gender exclusive golf clubs. And rotary clubs. And Kiwanis clubs. Maybe it's because I'm a pig. But the idea of a group of guys setting up a course to escape the old lady for a few hours -- or a group of ladies setting up a place to escape the old man for a few hours -- doesn't bother me in the least. There's a huge difference I think between race discrimination and sex discrimination when it comes to how we socialize. I think we men still need a place where we can gather, tell dirty jokes, scratch ourselves and complain about the Missus. Throw women into the mix and we have to start cleaning up our language, holding in our gas, and we can't walk around the club pantsless anymore. No, I don't think the men at Augusta do any of these things. But on principle, I'm uncomfortable setting the precedent that gender-exclusive socializing is in itself something we should be "fighting."

Bob Herbert gets a clue. His first decent column in weeks.

The second-best show on television cleaned up at the Emmy nominations this morning. Six Feet Under collected 23 nominations. Probably deserved more. If you haven't yet watched this show, sit down and take in an episode or two. The characters are incredibly real, each of them remarkably flawed and human. The show is a bit depressing -- it revolves around a family mortuary business, after all. But the plotlines are compelling. Each episode begins with a death. The rest of the hour then unfolds around themes associated with the latest "client." There's not a big star in the cast. Well, not yet, anyway. But it's some of the best acting you'll find in prime time. And if you don't yet have HBO, first, slap yourself. Harder. Have you learned? Good. Now call your cable guy. Quickly. The Sopranos season premiere is but a couple of months away.

Let me also clear up one poorly-worded phrase in today's Fox column. When I wrote that former Alabamba Gov. George Wallace "served a constituency of slack-jawed, backward-thinking ignoramuses," I was refering to segregationists, not to the entire state of Alabama. So to all the Alabamans who wrote to protest, please accept my apologies. I didn't mean to disparage your forward-thinkingness, your intelligence or the tautness of your mandibles.

From Arizona:

Excellent, excellent article regarding the Washington DC public school system. It was an eye opener for sure. The older I get I see the need for better education for the nation's children, and with the free world in such turmoil it illudes me why our government refuses to make it a real priority. It seems that education is still reserved for the rich.

I live in Phoenix, Arizona and my children currently attend school in the city of Tolleson. I am completely not satisfied and am searching for a better alternative. Based on your article, I am going to look into the voucher system and possibly get my children into a private school.

My problem is, I am a single, black female raising three children. I earned approx 40K at my day job last year - but that was based on bonus'. So what happens is I am constantly told that I do not qualify for any type of assistance. As if 40K is enough to make ends meet in a way that truly gives my children the education they will need to compete. I know people have less that I do, but I still struggle.

Thanks again for the insightful article. Keep on writing and I'll keep on reading.

To the mailbag for feedback on the Fox column. A self-described "Hispanic woman" in Texas writes:

Finally, someone who is willing to tell the truth about school vouchers. The truth isn't that the public schools need more money its that the white liberals don't want minority kids mixing with their white kids. So much for feeling our pain.

I'm going to take a break from all things Straight and Sembler for a bit. Lots of crazy stuff has happened the past couple of days -- including a major lesson-learning screw up on my part. I will come back to all of this -- likely next week. But for now, it's given me a massive headache. Bear with me.

Yesterday I spun off a semi-coherent rant on how Congressional meddling in the corporate scandals will only worsen the problem. Ever eager to act -- and not appear indifferent -- Congress' solutions inevitably yield unintended consequences that are often worse than the original problem. A new piece in Slate makes exactly that point. The stock options, corporate loans and off-the-books benefits that have befallen the most notorious of CEOs these days are a direct reaction to legislation passed in the early 1990's, when Congress responded to media-fed public outrage over highly paid CEO's laying off thousands or workers to compensate for the recession. Congress reacted by disallowing a business tax deduction for any salary over $1 million. Seemed like a good idea at the time, right? Why should a CEO making $15 million be allowed to cut 10,000 jobs?

So how did companies who wanted to hire competent CEOs react? The offered exactly $1 million in base pay, but then lured attractive candidates with added benefits -- stock options, for example.

In ten years, look for a similar article about how hastily-passed "corporate accountability" measures in 2002 caused the great business scandals of 2012.

Many, many thanks to everyone who offered up legal advice and referrals to firms and sympathetic organizations. I'll post more on all of this soon, including, I've decided, the threat letter sent to to me by Calvina Fay of the Drug Free America Foundation. The link is her email address. You might drop her a note to let her know how you feel about censorship via litigation.

My new Fox News column is up. Read it here.

Bob Samuelson just gets better and better. This week he takes on the concept of "reform," and throws a refreshing splash of common sense on the "corporate greed" wildfire consuming the media. His column inspired the following rant:

Seems that every time something bad happens, Congress feels the need to pass a law. Doesn't matter if the law will actually work -- and it's often the case that the legislative "remedy" only exacerbates the problem (see campaign finance reform). The bigger and bolder the headlines, the faster and more irrational Congress seems to act. Rash of school shootings? Pass some laws. Cost of campaigns on the rise? Pass some laws. Shark attacks on the Atlantic Coast? Pass some laws. And remember, rare is the law that expands freedom. How often does Congress revoke a law? Or weaken a regulation? Or pare down or eliminate a federal program? We're lucky if they merely slow down the rate that programs grow. No, most every law Congress passes in some way chips off another little chunk of freedom.

As John Stossel pointed out last Friday night, we have an hysterical media. Local news breaks into prime-time with the inevitable "SOMETHING IN YOUR HOUSE MAY KILL YOU BETWEEN NOW AND 10 PM TONIGHT -- STORY AT 11," sensation-blips. The most secure jobs in the country right now must belong to whoever it is that creates the foreboding music and graphics that bump the 24-hr. cable channels to commercial. You know what I'm tackling about -- "Terror in the Rockies," "America Under Attack," "Condit Under Fire."

Worse, we then have lawmakers who are terrified that if they don't respond to our hysterical media with action, they're going to suffer the wrath of the electorate.

Shit happens. Most of the time, the new laws we pass in reaction to said shit happening would've done nothing to prevent the shit from happening in the first place. So we chip away at our freedom for no damn good reason at all. We lose a little more liberty, and we still get shit. As a matter of fact, most of the time shit happens, it happens because somebody broke laws that we already have on the books. So how is passing more laws going make any difference? Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris broke about a dozen gun laws in carrying out Columbine. Congress responded with more gun laws. Excellent.

Look, if the big black socks at WorldCom, Enron, GlobalCrossing, et al. broke laws, they ought to go to jail. If they just did a really lousy job of running their companies well, then, the market says that those companies, their employees and their investors need to be punished for supporting crappy companies with crappy business plans who hire crappy executives.

A few years ago, I got laid off from a dot-com in St. Louis. I was pissed. I wanted Tim Roberts' head on a stick. He was our CEO. No, correction, he was our CVO -- Chief Visionary Officer, a title he created for himself that made more room for his ego. He and the rest of the exec board lied to us regularly. Up until the day they laid off 75% of the company, they'd told us that huge partnerships were "just around the corner." I had to wait tables for a few months to pay rent. And I'm a God-awful waiter.

But I didn't write my Congressman. I certainly didn't blame the market. I was pissed at myself. I chose to work for a company that I knew had a risky business plan, that had, weeks after its inception, moved into a glorious five-story piece of art with waterfalls that locals called the "Taj Mahal," that had an onsite masseuse, nutritionist and personal trainer, that had a free video arcade, free cappuccino machines on every floor, and that gave out club-level Cardinals and Blues tickets about once a week to employees.

Then I wondered what the hell happened when I came into work one day and was told my company could only afford to pay half my paycheck. Duh. Is it capitalism's fault I couldn't make rent? Should the Missouri legislature pass a law to protect people like me who are lured by start-ups who try to fly before they can crawl? Of course not. I learned a lesson. As did my colleagues. And Tim Roberts won't be doing much business in St. Louis any more. That, friends, is how you remedy dumb business decisions. Everyone learns. Everyone makes better decisions in the future. The economy is better off for it.

So go ahead. Do write your Congressman. But write to ask him to stop passing laws.

Say, Governor Bush, if you're looking for a place to send young people with a drug problem, I know of a great program in Orlando called SAFE that....oh nevermind.

So here's the scoop. Reason Magazine agreed to let me write an article on Straight and Mel and Betty Sembler on spec (meaning they reserve the right not to publish or pay me). So I started writing. And what was to be a 3,500 word piece turned into 5,000. Once I'd finished, I sent it to Reason's editors for a preliminary look-through. They then suggested I send a copy to the Semblers and the Drug Free America Foundation (Straight's modern-day offspring) for comment. I did, and here's the message:

Radley Balko | permalink | (0) comments

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I'm not sure how at liberty I am to discuss the details, but if anyone can give me some pro-bono legal advice on libel issues, please email me. If you're a regular reader of this site, I'm sure you can guess what this is all about.

For the first time in a long, long, long, long time, Arianna Huffington has a point. Corporate execs who break laws hurt people. They should go to jail. Nonviolent drug offenders don't hurt anyone. They shouldn't go to jail. Seems really simple, doesn't it?

HAWKSLEY WORKMAN

So I've got another music recommendation for you. This guy I guess you'd say is of the singer-songwriter genre. Smart people compare him to fellow Canadians Leonard Cohen and Rufus Wainwright, and also to Jeff Buckley (and his dad Tim), and maybe Nick Drake. I'd suggest there's some Paul Westerberg in him, too. He's a pretty interesting guy. His AMG bio says that most of his bio is made-up. That is, he's constructed a biography for himself that's a little bit true and a lotta' bit cut from whole cloth. His "underwater lover named Isadora," for example, I'm guessing is one of the made-up parts.

No matter. The guy's damn talented. As AMG notes, his falsetto competes with Jeff Buckley's in its range, though Workman I think is much more diverse in his songwriting. Buckley could be playful on stage, but his songs were mostly dark, gothic and sad -- lots of angels, funerals and drapes blowing about in open windows. Workman can do goth, but he can also be cheery, witty and wry.

His first album, called For Him & the Girls went largely unnoticed, though the few critics who took the time to listen to it put it among 2000's best. England loves him (England, incidentally, is proving to be a pretty decent arbiter of American music. While FM radio keeps churning out the same old HoobastankubusNickelBiscuit tripe, the English 'zines uncovered the likes of the White Stripes, the Strokes, the Mooney Suzuki in addition to lighter fare like Workman).

At any rate, Workman just released a second CD called Last Night We Were the Delicious Wolves . For now, you can only get it through Amazon, unless you want to fly overseas. It hasn't yet been released in North America. I snagged two cuts from a certain filesharing service that I'll post here for your listening pleasure.

[Note to Hillary Rosen: these cuts are for promotional purposes only. I'm confident my readers have no intention of, say, burning them to a blank CD, thus flagrantly violating copyright laws with careless indiscretion. Instead, I'm hoping they'll listen to the tracks, take a liking to them as I have, then purchase the full CD, which has 11 more tracks, plus two bonus enhanced-CD videos.]

Anyway, enjoy:

Jealous of Your Cigarette

Old Bloody Orange

NEXT UP, PAT BUCHANAN PAYS TRIBUTE TO DEF COMEDY JAM

George F. Will celebrates the 100th anniversary of Harley-Davidson.

Michael Lewis, who's married to MTV newsvixen Tabitha Soren, writes a very funny story about fatherhood for Slate. Gutsy, too.

So last week I told you about the heated rivalry between the "Capitalist Tools" softball team of the Heritage Foundation and the "Running Dogs" squad of the Cato Institute, coached by yours truly (as a lefty, I also play first base). I told you about the nasty "motivational" email Heritage sent to it's entire staff mocking our squad and predicting an easy victory for the "Tools," as they call themselves. Then I told you how Heritage conveniently neglected to secure a field for said much-anticipated face-off. Well, it seems that the email in question made it's way to the inbox of Richard Morin, who writes the "Ideas Insustry" column (read: think tanks) for the Washington Post. Turns out, the whole dustup is now in today's paper (scroll down, it's item #2).

Wendy McElroy is all over the privatization of marriage. She's right. Lots of stuff we argue about today (same-sex couples, custody of kids, divorce rates, etc.) would fade to moot if we took the state out of the business of sanctioning relationships with its blessing.

Wes Fager has posted the text of the civil compaint against Loretta Parrish and Straight clone Orlando-SAFE on his website. Start here.

I enjoy reading her stuff, but I really wish Camille Paglia would stop calling herself a libertarian. She isn't. Not even close. No self-respecting libertarian would vote for Bill Clinton -- twice. And for the love of John Locke -- Ralph Nader? Are you kidding me? This is a man who believes the U.S. should provide universal health care. And by "universal," I don't mean a "full range of coverage." I mean that Nader want the U.S. to foot the health care bill -- for everyone in the entire fucking universe. Nader's on record as supporting U.S. funded heath care....for the rest of the world.

Nader's the most anti-capitalist, anti-market, anti-globalist, anti-freedom irritant this side of Noam Chomsky. How in the name of H.L. Mencken could anyone cast a vote for Nader and still call themselves a libertarian? Sorry Camille. A woman who likes other women, dope, and free speech does not a libertarian make. You might try hooking up with these guys. How you got them confused with libertarians is beyond me.

[Phone rings.]

Dick: Hello. Minority leader here.

Tom: Heh, heh. Hey Dick. It's the majority leader here.

Dick: Asshole.

Tom: Hey, Dick, can I be frank with you for a minute?

Dick: You're not going to tell me those rumors about you and Hillary having an affair are true, are you?

Tom: [nervous laugh] No, no. Heh, heh. [awkward silence] No, I wanted to talk about the Congressional campaigns.

Dick: OK.

Tom: You know how we were going to call Bush a hypocrite and all that? You know, because he's holding corporations accountable, despite the whole Harken loan fiasco?

Dick: Yeah. Had him by the short-and-curlies didn't we? I mean, if he didn't say anything, we could say he's in bed with corporate America. But as soon as he did, we jump on him for hypocrisy. Brilliant, if I do say so myself.

Tom: Yeah. Seemed like a great idea at the time. Well, I was thinking. Maybe we ought to reconsider the "Bush is a hypocrite" strategy.

Dick: To tell you the truth, Tom, I was sorta' thinking the same thing.

Tom: I mean, these new accountability proposals, they seem like a pretty good idea. I know a handful of Democrat senators who'd go along with them.

Dick: You mean "Democratic," don't you?

Tom: Oh....yes....of course.

[Hysterical Laughter]

Dick: OK. I agree. It'd be awfully tough for us to bash Bush for corporate lap-dogging from the DNC office anyway. Let's not let up on these corporations, though. It's high time the American people got some trustworthy accounting from the institutions they trust.

Tom: Agreed.

This, Jacksonville, is your government at work.

Looks like what you're looking at is fast becoming the destination blog for beverage discussion. Love how quickly y'all react, though. I have questions, you have answers. This from Pat Rooney in Chicago, responding to my weekend post on possible conncections between the Jesse Jackson clan owning the only Anheueser Busch distributorship in Chicago (after, coincidentally, Jackson accused AB of racism in chosing distributors) and the lack of AB products in Chicago bars. Rooney writes:

I'd like to give you some insight on the 'No Bud' in Wrigleyville story. I know a few bar owners in Chicago, and what has happened in many cases is multifaceted. If you friend were to check around, there are both "no Bud" as well as "no Miller" bars. This all started about 6 years ago when one of the major Wrigley bars agreed to an exclusivity deal with Miller where Miller paid them 'X' amount of dollers to ensure that only Miller products were sold in the bar. Bud followed suit and there are Bud only bars as well. I have heard the stories about Bud distributors being 'difficult' but the real Czar of Chicago booze is Wirtz, the owner of the Blackhawks. I can't remember the details, but he has some archaic Chicago law that allows him to be sole distributor or beer and spirits to a large chunk of Chicago and the suburbs.

I heard a sound bite yesterday afternoon of SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt on one of the Sunday talk shows. In refusing to resign, Pitt implored that "the American people need me," "this administration needs me," and the economy "needs me."

I don't know about you, but that sounds positively Clintonesque to me. I'll never forget President Clinton's post-impeachment State of the Union, when he instructed us, the American people, that we "owe" Hillary Clinton "thanks" and "gratitude" for all she's done for us. Excuse me? Bill, Hillary, Harvey Pitt -- all of them serve at our discretion (okay, at the time Hillary shouldn't have been "serving" at all, as she was never elected). But government derives its power from us, the governed, not vice-versa. They should be thanking us for allowing them to serve. Frankly, I'm not convinced we need an SEC at all, much less Harvey Pitt at its helm.

Any time a politician starts telling us he's indispensable, that we need him, that we should be thankful for all he does for us, we all ought to be coming down with a third-degree case of the willies.

John Podhoretz had some thoughts on Road to Perdition a bit different than my own. He didn't think much of Tyler Hoechlin as Michael Sullivan, Jr. I thought he was spectacular. I do agree with Podhoretz's assessment of the beauty with which the movie's shot. It's stunning. I need to go back and see it again, though. A late arrival put me in the third row, so I spent the first half hour trying to shake off the dizziness from being so damned close. The visual attributes weren't apparent right way. But looking back, yes, it was a very beautifully-made movie.

Read a New Yorker review of the movie that was rather lukewarm too (no link available). Can't remember the critic's name, but his main beefs involved the movie's "humorlessness" (true, I only remember one attempt at comic relief. But that's not much of a problem for me. I like a serious film), and that it was too self-consciously striving for the "epic" label. I'm not really sure what that last criticism means. Yes, the movie moves slow. But, as noted, it's such a pleasure on the eyes, you really don't mind much. As for its ambition, it's a period picture starring Tom Hanks and Paul Newman. It's got an Oscar winning director and cinematographer, and a multi-Oscar winning producer. It pretty much had no choice but to be ambitious.

Were it not for the star power, this movie would be getting raves. I think it's being held to a higher standard.

Here, from the Smoking Gun, your favorite musicians' backstage demands (aka "riders) for each performance. I've linked to some of these before, but TSG has collected a lot more since then and indexed them. Can't wait until I can make demands like this.

Here's a firsthand report of a protest-turned-ugly at SAFE Orlando Friday night. SAFE, you might remember, is a direct offshoot of Straight, Inc.. A bit of news from this report too. Evidently Loretta Parrish, the hardcore Straight desciple profiled in the WAMI expose of SAFE, has resigned from SAFE. I agree with the author here. Her resignation, taken with the recent lawsuit, seems to suggest that SAFE-Orlando might be seeing its final days.

First, a little background for those of you that don't know. SAFE is a direct descendent of Straight- rehab program operating on OBT in Orlando. Safe uses substantially the same methods as the Seed and Straight did with a few tweaks.

Several years ago WAMI did a segment on SAFE that was highly critical of the methods. Around the same time we became aware of a kid named Weaver in the program that had broken ties with his mom, whom was distraught; and another kid named Jeff whom had suffered severe abuse at the hands of SAFE. We got together and had our first ever Straight survivors protest.

Tonight was the second protest of SAFE.. We arrived at the staging area around 4:00 pm and about 20 Straight and Seed survivors were there with a Safe survivor and our friend Jeff. We then proceeded to SAFE and set up our protest on the edge of the parking lot. Loretta Parrish, the director of Safe, recently resigned and rumors were floating around that there were some "financial improprieties" involved, but we were unable to confirm. The person left in charge was a parent of former SAFE members named Brian Seeber. Brian is an attorney from Maryland and a quiet type of fellow. There was a whole group of kids from Maryland there.

I told him that we intended to have a peaceful demonstration, that we wanted our side of the story told and he agreed and shook my hand. For Several hours we spoke to parents coming into open meeting, spoke to local residents and merchants, and "bullhorned" the group so the kids could hear our support. Sammy did an excellent job of letting them hear that we thought certain things they were experiencing were abusive. We told parents that they were involved in a cult, that if there kids had a real drug problem they should bring them home and find a better way.

During the course of the meeting, Weaver drove up and parked by us! I introduced myself and had a great talk with him. He is off the program, in touch with his mom (yeah!) and seems to be critically thinking about what he went through. Big event for those of us that have been pulling for his mom and him to reconcile. Jeff was having a good time confronting his tormentors and was feeling confident and looking and feeling good.

Around 8:30, Jodi and I decided to ask if we could observe the open meeting. We were met at the front door and told to leave or the police would be called. I asked if we could observe open meeting, was told no, and we left. Several minutes later the police showed up and told us SAFE wanted us arrested for trespassing, but they refused to do it. They also told us it was against the law to bullhorn without a permit. Jodi challenged that assertion and asked for the statute. After not being able to produce it, we were allowed to resume. The police left and told us to stay off their property and we agreed.

Around 10:00 they started driving around the back and taking the newcomers out in a way they wouldn't see us. Some of us decided to go around that way and let the kids know we supported them. While back behind the Safe on the adjacent property, Sammy and Carrie witnessed a kid come out of the SAFE who tried to run. He was physically thrown into a car and restrained. They started yelling for someone to call the police and several of us, including Doc and I, ran back there to see what was going on. The ladies stood in the way of the vehicle that had the restrained kid in it, and Jodi walked over to intervene.

This is when all hell broke loose. The SAFE parents came out spewing program hatred, one of them got in Jodi's face and in a typical program confrontation, yelled in her face and told her he would piss on her leg if she didn't leave, and unzipped his zipper. His veins were bulging and hate was spewing. I yelled at him to get out of her face. Things started happening fast. I got into a verbal exchange with Seeber, Parents started yelling and confronting the girls to move, someone thru a block at Doc. I yelled at him and he dissapeared back into the SAFE crowd. Ex SAFE staff members had a camera rolling and agreed to show it to the police. We continued to block the car and called the police. They put the car in reverse and started leaving just as the police arrived. I requested that they review the video and arrest the person who assaulted Doc. Unfortunately, the video was shot at dark and wasn't clear. Jodi was issued a trespassing warning.

We demanded a report be taken to investigate the abuse of the child we saw. SAFE claimed it was a kid clowning around, and produced a kid they claimed was the one we saw. Sammy filled out a report because someone had pushed her in the breast and did something to her foot. Seeber and I exchanged words and I encouraged him to drop the modality and admonished him for the cult like behavior of his parents and followers. He was "talked to" right up and until the time he got in his car and left.

Sometime around 11:00, we broke up and went our seperate ways. Several of the women were understandably upset at witnessing the restraint and at our inability to get the police to do anything.

I truly believe that SAFE is on its last legs. The group size is small, the support fractured, and they are embroiled in a lawsuit that alleges, among other things, abuse and violations of the RICO act.

Seems that the Jesse Jackson clan's sins don't stop with stirring up racial animosity and relentless attacks on common sense. If you live in Chicago, their actions have limited your choices in beer! Demagoguing race issues to get Democrats elected? I'll give them a pass. Exploiting race incidents for power and camera time? Well shucks, who among us wouldn't, given the opportunity?

But limit my choices in beer? Unforgivable. My law school buddy Brian Westhoff, who's in Chicago studying for the bar, explains:

After a Cubs-Cards game a few weekends back (actually it was the Darryl Kile game, but that's not really important). I was at a bar around Wrigley and there were a lot of Cards fans trying to buy a Bud Light. I don't know if you were aware, but Chicago is the one of the only markets in the world (if not the only) that Budweiser is not able to get a hold on. It trails Miller Lite and maybe even a few other brands. I had asked some people before but no one I had talked to ever knew why.

After watching countless Cards fans get shot down b/c this bar did not carry Bud Light, I finally asked the bartender why they didn't carry it. He said that the local Bud distributors were assholes and so no one dealt with them. Thinking back, I remember now that those asshole distributors are Jesse Jackson's sons. And if I remember correctly, they got the distributor contract after Jesse threatened Anheuser-Busch with lawsuits related to their minority hiring unless they gave his son the contract. I don't know if that is the only reason that Bud does not sell as well here, but if fewer bars will carry it (so they don't have to deal with the Junior Jackson) seems like it at least is part of the problem.

The Sun-Times tells another edifying story about how Rev. Jackson's sons Yusef and Jonathan ended up owning an Anheuser-Busch beer distributorship in Chicago. There are only about 700 distributors and since they have a monopoly on Anheuser-Busch products in their territories they are enormously profitable. They usually stay in families for generations and almost never change hands. The story dates back to 1982, when Rev. Jackson launched a "this Bud's a dud" boycott of AnheuserBusch because it had only three black distributors. The company obligingly set up a $10 million fund to help non-whites buy distributorships. As an interesting sidelight, a black-owned paper in St. Louis, where Anheuser-Busch is based, reported that Rev. Jackson had demanded $500 each from black businessmen to help support the boycott. The reverend sued the paper but dropped the suit when a judge ruled that the paper could inspect the Jackson organization's financial records.

In 1998 the River North distributorship in Chicago ended up in Yusef's and Jonathan's hands. They refuse to say how much they paid but public records show they took out a $6.7 million loan from NationsBank. Somehow this managed to cover a business AnheuserBusch had spent $10.5 million to build. These days Anheuser-Busch is mum about how many non-whites own distributorships and now that his boys have one, Rev. Jackson doesn't seem to care anymore. Interestingly, Yusef and Jonathan refuse to say how many minority employees they have.

Page 2's Brian Halloran strikes again. This time with a wonderfully mean-spirited look at NFL team cheerleader websites.

Saw Road to Perdition last night. My rating: a hefty armful of stars. Hanks and Newman were exceptional, as you might expect. Jude Law was deliciously disturbing and evil as "the Reporter," a serial assassin with a fetish for photographing the dead. Not a typical roll for Hanks -- or Newman for that mater. With the exception of Michael Jr., played flawlessly by Tyler Hoechlin, no one in this movie is the least bit sympathetic.

Hanks' character Michael Sullivan builds in you feelings similar to what you might draw up for Tony Soprano. He's got the most screen time, so you feel inclined to root for him as the protagonist. But it's Hoechlin's character who completes the arc. Still, despite that Hank's Sullivan is a hit man, you find yourself pulling for him -- then feeling a little guilty for it. The ambiguity hits home in a basement face-off scene between Hanks and Newman, when Hanks asks Newman's permission to kill the man who killed his family. Newman declines. "But he killed my wife and son," Hanks says. "Yeah," I thought to myself. "He killed his wife and son, for God's sake!"

Then Newman shoots back, "There are only murderers in this room,"

It's then that you feel a tinge of guilt for feeling so sympathetic to Hanks. "Well, okay. Yeah. That's a pretty goot point, too."

The film is musty and noirish, but beautifully shot. It's also a guy's movie, as the plot snakes in and out of three father-son relationships, and there's nary a love story to be found.

The film's best comic relief line was actually unintentional. Hanks is giving his son advice on what to do if Hanks' character gets killed. He tells him to find the Methodist Reverend and tell him what happened. "Whatever you do," Hanks implores, "don't go to Father Callahan." The intent of course was to imply that the local priest was under the control of the mob. Given the headlines, however, the crowd in my theater found a far more sinister interpretation, and the laughter spread on a delayed effect as more and more of us made the connection.

The big names (American Beauty's Sam Mendes directed) will probably give Perdition some consideration at Oscar time. It's a great film -- certainly worth a night at the movies. But I think only newcomer Hoechlin deserves serious consideration, for his really well executed supporting role.

Cathy Young writes on Bill O'Reilly for Reason. I think she was kind of easy on him. For conflict-of-interests purposes, that's all I'll say.

The first training run went very, very well this morning. Granted, it was just four miles and it was a perfect morning for running (overcast, upper 70's), but the run felt really, really good. Time was 40:10, which isn't great, but I spent the first mile at a slow pace while socializing with my new training buddies. Did the last three at a little better than 9:00 each. So we're making some progress.

I also learned some things about the Honolulu marathon. First, weather is generally not-so-great. Usually in the 80's and humid. And the course is a bit hilly, including a trek around a dormant volcano. But we'll be starting at 5 am, while it's still dark. Evidently, there are lots of pre-race festivities -- fireworks and such. Sounds like fun. So we're at 55 total miles run now.

MARATHON UPDATE VIII

Not much activity because I've sort of laid off a bit the last week. Only did two 3-mile runs. I had a bit of a tickle in the back of my right leg. Whatever I did to it occurred a couple of months ago, while playing softball. But it hasn't gone away, so I thought I'd take it easy until training starts.

And training does start tomorrow morning at 7 am in Georgetown, along the C&O; canal. Surface is ideal -- packed dirt -- though the scenery's a little dry once you get out of Georgetown. I guess all of our Saturday morning long runs will begin there. They also all begin at 7 am, which means I see lots of early Friday night movies in my social plans between now and December. Just 4 miles the first week -- short of what's sort of become my standard 4.5 mile run. And the weather should be beautiful (it's been in the upper 70's the past two days). Curious to see how a monitored run will go. Also curious to see what kind of...um...."talent"....we'll have in our running group (no, I'm not talking about harrying skills, here).

So we're at 51 miles total run going into training. Still stuck on a little over $100 raised (though the Amazon sales have picked up quite a bit).

Oh and for those of you who asked about the Heritage/Cato softball game -- it never happened. Heritage had promised to secure a field on the Mall Wednesday night. Unfortunately the National Park Police have gone permit-happy this summer, so if you haven't filled out paperwork (something no self-respecting conservative/libertarian organization would subject themselves too) it's hit or miss finding space to play. Heritage missed. I'm tempted to talk a little smack here -- something about poultry, perhaps the color "yellow." But I'll refrain. We're scheduled to meet again on August 8.

What looks to be another fantastic John Stossel special tonight...

MEA CULPA.

Lazy posts will get you every time:

Do they have a copy of the Oxford English Dictionary where you work?

I noticed this quote on your "The Agitator" site, "Notice that Jesse Jackson
uses the word 'unliterate,' which itself is not a word, and calls into
question Jackson's own level of literacy."

According to the OED (which I think everyone would agree is the gold
standard for the English language) it is a word.

From the OED's website:

unliterate, a.

a. Illiterate.
b. Unliterary; not interested in reading or literature.

Do a Google search on "unliterate" and you will find several uses in
context. It seems the main difference between "illiterate" and "unliterate"
is that an illiterate person is *ignorant* of reading or literature where an
unliterate person is *not interested* in reading or literature. So
"unliterate" IS a word and it could very well describe Bush.

Before you start calling into question other's level of literacy you might
want to get a copy of the OED.

Of course, that doesn't all change my opinion that both Jackson and the NAACP are irrelevant. "Colored" to them, no longer means black or brown. It's a state of mind -- victimhood, really. Liberal victimhood. Hence, Bill Clinton can be "blacker" than Clarence Thomas.

WOULDN'T IT BE MORE APPROPRIATE TO DRINK HIM?

No intro can do this justice.

Ted Williams' heirs may be feuding over what to do with his body now that the legendary slugger has passed on to that field of dreams in the sky, but Larry Hagman, of dimly remembered "Dallas" and "I Dream of Jeannie" fame, is spelling out his last requests in no uncertain terms.

"When I die, I want my friends to eat me," Hagman told celebrity researcher Baird Jones the other day. "I want to be fed through a wood chipper, be spread over a wheat field, then have a cake baked from the crop for all my pals to munch on."

Don't think he hasn't contemplated the alternatives.

"Cremation's fine, but it uses an awful lot of energy," Hagman says. "Burying someone in a steel casket doesn't do any good. I want to return to the earth as soon as possible."

Thus, the cake plan.

"I want the cake to be made of half marijuana, which makes people so much less violent than booze, and people should learn to eat pot rather than smoke it because it damages the heart and lungs less that way," Hagman opines.

Shocked at the aging actor's drug endorsement? Hagman contends you shouldn't be, bleating, "It's high time someone my age talked this way."

High being the operative word.

Yesterday I linked to a commentary by Tad DeHaven on the ideological slant of "informative" U.S. government sites directed at kids. Tad now tells me that one of the sites he mentioned actually changed its wording shortly after his commentary appeared. Tad writes:

In a section on the Bill of Rights, a children's Web site produced by the Government Printing Office mentions the right "to Keep and Bear Arms in Common Defense." A quick look at the 2nd Amendment makes no mention of the common defense, but does mention the right of the people to keep and bear arms. Could the intentions of the author be more obvious?

NINJAS -- REAL ULTIMATE POWER

If you're a long-time reader, you'll remember me linking to this several months ago (back in March, I think, in my long ago Blogger-eaten archives). But since Jonah Goldberg just brought it out over at The Corner, I think a re-link is in order. Put simply, it is the best website on the Internet. Ever. And now, if you can believe it, you can buy Ninja Real Ultimate Power gear from CafePress. I'm totally springing for a t-shirt. The t-shirts are awesome. And by awesome I mean totally sweet.

Reader Phil Thomas writes in with:

First of all, you've got an excellent blog. I read it nearly every day. Anyway, I'm a student over at GW, and I can personally testify that watching C-SPAN drunk is a more common practice than you might think. I've done it several times myself, and I'm reliably informed by others that they have as well.

There's another interesting way to watch C-SPAN - in a group setting. Some of my friends and I have occasional social gatherings for the purpose of watching Prime Minister's Questions, that C-SPAN Sunday night staple. We yell "Hear, hear!" at the TV (usually when Iain Duncan Smith hits the rhetorical mark) and boo the Labour backbenchers when they get going with some anti-US rhetoric. It's great. Anyway, keep up the good work.

More than a couple of you wrote in to take issue with my praise for Indianapolis-based DJ's Bob and Tom. Yeah, they're juvenile. And it's mostly lowest-common-denominator humor. But I grew up listening to them. Now, when I'm in a city that carries them, the bits aren't as funny as I remember them, but it's still fun to catch up with the personalities I used to listen to every morning. And Bob and Tom aside, Chick McGee might be the funniest guy alive right now who isn't yet famous. Besides, can't we put pretense aside from time to time and just sink waist-deep into a gluttonous goo of locker room humor? Isn't that what The Man Show is all about? One of my dearest law school friends used to chide me for listening to Bob and Tom when I lived in St. Louis. "Not funny," she'd say. "Misogynist. Junior high." Odd thing, though. When she'd pick me up for class in the morning (I was too cheap to buy a parking sticker), her radio would inevitably be tuned to....Howard Stern.

Alan McConchie is the guy who actually did the coke/pop/soda study. He writes:

Hey there, I'm the guy who wrote the Pop vs. Soda Page. I just wanted to
say that I loved your analysis comparing my data with the presidential
election. I noticed that similarity myself, but never got around to
studying it as closely as you. Being a politics buff myself, I was
thinking that it would be cool to add a feature that would run the survey
results through the electoral college, and see whether pop or soda would
be president... although it looks like this three-way race would be thrown
to the House of Representatives, instead. Maybe I'll get around to that
before 2004.

Oh, and for the record, I'm not a Caltech professor. Just an ex-student
who has managed to hang on to an account there. But, hey, I don't see any
reason to disabuse your readers of that misconception.

Thanks to Eve Tushnet for the plugs she's been giving me on her site. She's leaving for a week and her silky musings will be missed. Also, congrats to Eve for getting permalinked to Mickey Kaus! Though the description Kaus gave her -- "queer, Catholic, conservative, and not Andrew Sullivan" -- could certainly use some work.

Julian Sanchez weighs in on Trever Palmer. Funny thing is, I suspect Julian's pulling his punches.

Virginia Postrel is back, too, with some lively posts on the Kass Commission, Target's designer marketing campaign, and Saudi Arabia. Her layout of her position on abortion, and why she finds more moral compulsion to support stem cell research than abortion rights is particularly compelling. The sliding scale of abortion's moral justifications she articulates is a pretty accurate reflection of my own feelings on the issue. That is, I think abortion in itself is an immoral act. But I can't honestly say that a morning-after pill carries the same moral weight as, say, a partial-birth third-term abortion, which I think is tantamount to murder. And Postrel's right on when she criticizes the bizarre position of Andrew Sullivan who, as a "devout" Catholic, supports abortion rights, but opposes stem cell research. Writes Postrel:

The interesting question to me is why I'm willing to draw an earlier line on the issue of research than on the issue of abortion. On abortion, I draw the line at personhood. On experiments, I'd draw it earlier—just as I recognize limits on cruelty to animals, even in the cause of research. Conservation of sympathy matters. Why does it seem to matter less in the case of abortion?

Not because I think abortion is a more important right than research. To the contrary, since sex is generally voluntary, making pregnancy avoidable, biomedical research seems the far more important and morally significant freedom. Unlike, say, Andrew Sullivan, who supports abortion rights and opposes embryonic stem cell research, I do not think the right to have sex without consequences is more fundamental to women's autonomy than the right to do research or the right not to die of a horrible disease.

Gene Healy is back from his Brazilian vacation and has a nasty drug war anecdote about Trever Palmer, the 17 year old kid who just turned his dad in for growing marijuana. Trever's a product -- if not directly, certainly philosophically -- of the D.A.R.E. psychotherapeutic model. This is what your drug war has devolved to. Kinda' reminds you of the Soviets, doesn't it? Asking kids to tip off authorities to parent heretics?

Tim Blair on the odd similarities between the Word Wresting Federation and the World Wildlife Fund, who sued them over the "WWF" acronym. Funny. Can we just merge all these stories into one? How about WWF honcho Vince McMahon, Parents' Television Council founder Brent Bozell, and World Wildlife Fund Chairman William Reilly jump in the ring for a no-holds-barred smackdown? While we're at it, throw Ann Coulter and Katie Couric in there, too. Hell, why not throw Tim Blair in as well! My money's on Couric.

The "Redneck With Books," an upstate Pennsylvanian, weighs in on the coke/pop/soda dialogue. He also points out that I've missplelled Hives' lead singer Pele Almqvist's name. I called him "Pete." Corrected, I stand.

Tad DeHaven wrote a nice commentary on how the federal government is bypassing parents and indoctrinating tech-savvy kids via the web.

For those teens about to experience the shock of having their first paycheck decimated by taxes, the IRS offers a site designed to squelch any resulting negative sentiments. One section uses a character named "Pizza Dude" in an attempt to shame young tip-earners into reporting the added income. The IRS site has the gall to state that, "The fact is not all that money belongs to you." Worse, the IRS equates government services with pizza toppings and notes that "the more toppings you order, the more you have to pay for the pie." A patronizing list of "Five Phrases for Getting Bigger Tips" is then added in a painfully unfunny attempt to curry favor with the IRS's newest victims.

The IRS also offers a list of tax-related terms with definitions written in a basic, but often dubious manner. For instance, the IRS definition for taxes includes phrases like "This money is used to make your life better" and "Show a little gratitude, pay your fair share." The IRS falsely claims in its definition of Social Security that "One day, when you're your grandparents' age, you'll get the money back."

To borrow from Fark!, it looks as if my Indiana Pacers might be close to signing a really tall Fucka. I'm sure my boys Bob and Tom are having a ball with this.

I don't think this story could get any weirder.

Nice piece in the Washington Post this morning on the cult of Brian Lamb. Lamb, by the way, is a Hoosier. Okay, a Boilermaker. But he's from Indiana. Graduated from Purdue in West Lafayette.

This story hits home for me. I too am a "civic geek." Sometimes, during college (okay, even now), I'd come back from the bars -- at 2 or 3 am -- and I'd sit down on my couch, click on the TV.....and.....yes......I'd watch C-SPAN. There. I admit it. I've watched C-SPAN drunk. And I'm not at all ashamed.

Reader Mike Daley writes on the prospect of Kerry/McCain in '04....

For McCain to participate it would have to be "McCain/McCain in 2004"

Fascinating debunking in Slate of the ADL's 11 criteria for anti-semtism. Generalizations, friends, aren't always negative. And sometimes -- gasp! -- they're true. I really find it hard to believe that there are significantly fewer anti-semites on college campuses than there are elsewhere, given some of the rabid blood libel spewing from doofus college kids since the latest Israel/Palestine flame-up.

Hello....is this the Supreme Court?....yes....I'm a parent.....my kid goes to New Bedford Public School in Massachusetts.....yeah, I'd like one of those "vouchers," please......

The sad descent (or dissent -- take your pick) of John McCain continues. "Unfettered capitalism?" "The free market needs new rules?" John, you're a leftist. Go make a home there. Kerry/McCain in 2004?

So another hat I've been wearing since May is coach of the Cato Running Dogs softball squad (if you're a Cato fan, order your Running Dogs gear here). We're 4-1 -- 4-0 with me at the helm (had to take a week off for the D.C. opening of the Objectivist Center). That's right. As coach, I'm undefeated.

Tonight we play our arch-rivals, those theocrat, prohibitionist, social conservatives at the Heritage Foundation. Appropriately, their softball team is called the "Capitalist Tools." I'm not making that up. They call themselves tools!

And as if this rivalry weren't already heated enough, it turns out that Heritage circulated an all-staff email this morning talking a little trash before this evening's game. They're also holding a pep rally this afternoon. And, oh yes, did I mention that Heritage also has a fight song?

OK, kiddies. Bring it. I can't wait. We don't need a fight song. Or a pep rally. Or trash talk.

Just give us a bat, a ball, and an icy cooler of beer. Then be sure to stretch, Tools. You'll be chasing many a long ball tonight. If you live in D.C., you're invited to come watch (provided you cheer for the most pro-freedom of the two teams). The game is at 7th Street and the National Mall -- near the Hirshhorn Museum. Should be a doozy.

BASEBALL (1876 - 2002)

Steroid Scandal + Impending Strike + Shameful All-Star Tie (Tying? There's no tying in baseball.) = Baseball, RIP.

A former Straight client and staffer who requests anonymity sends this note:

I just have to point out that the level of violence involved with the taped assault by an officer of the teenage offender in California this week was similar to the level of violence that was used in straight inc.

It was not this aggressive with every client on everyday, but in our group in Atlanta, I saw someone manhandled this way on an almost daily basis for periods of months. I manhandled others as an upper phaser and staff trainee just as rough, and virtually all people who went through the program can recall at least a few occasions where someone hit the floor just as hard as that kid hit the police car.

There are obvious differences of course. The Straight-Springfield abuses occurred years ago, they weren't videotaped, and there's no race angle. Still, it seems to me that the media regularly slobbers all over protests. Say you're "speaking truth to power," and it's not hard to find somebody to write an article about it. Throw ten anti-globo idiots in front of a Gap and it's ten minutes before a news van rolls up to break the story. And this protest has lots of juice -- corruption, violence, power, and dirty hands that reach all the way to the White House.

I think the problem -- and I ran into it frequently while writing on Straight -- is that no one really wants to believe stuff like this happens any more in America. Kidnappings? Locking kids in closets? Starvation? Come on. In the movies, maybe. Why would Governor Jeb Bush endorse an anti-drug program that beats the hell out kids? Just doesn't seem feasible. Would Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife be tight with Mel and Betty Sembler if they were really the kinds of people who could make a fortune exploiting at-risk kids and their vulnerable parents? Of course not. It's much more comfortable to turn the other way, and pretend that these things don't happen any more.

BREAK OUT THE HIVES

What, you're wondering, might "Swedish punk" sound like? Abba meets the Pistols? Nah. In truth, there's not much Swedish to it. Punk is punk. The Hives are Swedish punk. And they have it all going on right now -- they're the it thing in the it scene -- garage punk, and still they're basking in fawning profiles in Rolling Stone and Guitar magazine. I just sprang for the new album Veni Vidi Vicious, something I should've done a long while ago. Fuzzy, slutty, bratty, Stooges-raw punk.

Near as I can tell, Pete Almqvist is the name of the guy wailing on vocals. He's got this screech he does -- sorta soiunds like the kind of screech that would embarrass the hell out of you at, say, age 13 -- but when timed just right, set against a furious backbeat and raging bassline, makes for some inspired rock n' roll moments. Randy Fitzsimmons gets all the songwriting credits. But general consensus says Fitzsimmons is fiction and Nicholaus Arson pens most of the songs. A little intrigue to boot.

These guys are getting plaudits all over the music biz. If it means anything to you, Courtney Love says they're the next Strokes (have the Strokes even been around long enough for there to be a "next Strokes?"). It's perfect windows-down, summer evening, open-up-the-throttle-on-the-parkway jams. I give it lots of stars.

Here's an interesting email regarding Brent Bozell and the Parents' Television Council (see below for more):

I work with one of the local directors of the PTC, and I've talked to him about
the recent lawsuit. It sounds like the rank and file are really fed up with
Bozell. My co-worker believes that Bozell's gone way beyond what the
organization is supposed to be about and many want him out. I don't remember
his exact words, but I think "extreme right wing wacko" just about sums it up.

I'm not writing to defend the PTC, since I like most of those shows too. I
just wanted to toss in my 2 cents (or shares of WCOM).

BTW, I'm a regular visitor to your site, and libertarian to the core.

A "misunderstanding?"

This story kills me. I'm tortured. I need a shower. Bone cold. No, never mind that. I need freezer. A subzero. Jesus.

Anchorman Bob Halloran takes a funny look at what does and doesn't go over the air at ESPNews. "The Big Unit got scratched last night," for example? Too bawdy.

So let's see....

Just two years after graduating from a second-rate law school, you're probably the most underqualified appointment to a U.S. Attorney's position in the history of the office. You got lucky. Most U.S. Attorneys spend their lives aspiring to the position. Not you. W. got elected, and appointed you as a political favor for your daddy.

Your daddy, by the way, is a doddering old legend, who's currently stubbornly making a mockery of the U.S. Senate by not retiring, despite that he's got one foot in the grave and the other dipped in a rising sea of senility.

While in office, you learn that the country you serve has become littered with covert al-Queda cells, all of them hell-bent on killing every last one of us, given the means.

So, think for a minute. What might be the best use of your time, now that you're a bigshot U.S. Attorney? How might you best serve your country, and the good people of South Carolina? Oh yes, I know. How about prosecuting college girls who sell dirty panties over the Internet? Yes! Redemption! Eat dirt, naysayers!

Sleep safe, South Carolina. Strom Thurmond, Jr. is on the job.

(Link via YRMOB)

Looks like Brent Bozell's group took things a little too far in accusing the WWE (formerly the WWF) of being "responsible for killing children." Now they're out $3.5 million. The PTC is an offshoot of the Media Research Center, which monitors liberal bias in the mainstream news media. MRC isn't so bad. I think they do some pretty good work, though I'm really not a huge fan of Bozell's politics. But the Parent's Television Council is an absurd and rather typical effort by the right to take responsibility away from parents and place it squarely on the shoulders of the entertainment industry. Call it parenting via censorship. I'm a little biased of course, because in the PTC's world most all the programming I enjoy would be wiped clean off the air.

OK. Now I'm happy again. Joyous even. Play SuperShagLand!

I don't often get angry. Especially while reading the news. Mostly, the absurdities of the world's Gore Vidals and Jesse Jacksons make me giggle. But this story, and then this one, leave me in a salty mood. The NAACP probably has the most lopsided funding-to-relevance ratio of any advocacy organization the world. Notice that Jesse Jackson uses the word "unliterate," which itself is not a word, and calls into question Jackson's own level of literacy. Notice that Gore Vidal sometimes comes dangerously close to making sense, but then pisses it away with one stultifyingly stupid statement after another. Remember, this is the guy that buddied up to Tim McVeigh just before his execution.

Both of you. Please. Go. Away.

Nick Schulz blasts Frank Fukuyama. And deservedly so.

COME TO HELL -- WHERE ONLY THE WOMEN ARE COLD

It seems that hell is cooling off a bit. The fire-and-brimstone sermons of Jonathan Edwards (the colonial puritan preacher, not the senator from North Carolina) aren't much palatable to today's churchgoers, so clergy are evidently backing off a bit from the truly woeful and warnful narratives of hell, and opting for a kinder, gentler inferno -- or none at all. So instead of K-Pax on all 12 screens of Hell's Cineplex, maybe you get a movie slightly less sucky -- Powder, perhaps. Instead of 24 hour Incubus on K-FIRE, hell's hot hits FM, you get...um...24-hour Papa Roach. It's still hell, just a slightly more tolerable incarnation.

SODA v. POP III

The debate continues...

As a proud pro-"pop" Michigander, I have a curious
story to relate:

In college, I met a gal from Dallas. She referred to
the stuff as "coke," so I asked her what people ask
for if they want Pepsi. She then swore up and down
that there is no Pepsi to be found within the city
limits of Dallas. Despite my incredulous begging for
her to recant, in the name of common sense, she
refused to admit that there must be Pepsi sold in that
city. Nope, she said, not at all.

You seem a little surprised about New Mexico's Coke/Pop/Soda to Bush/Gore relation. If you check back in the news archives, you will find that the votes were quite close there, and almost went to a recount. Really, the only thing that prevented a recount in New Mexico was the fact that it didn't have enough electoral votes to make a difference. It's quite possible that NM is really a Bush state...

I'm a new reader to your column (I found your link through another Blog on
MSNBC.com) about a week ago. Anyway, I don't know about this whole
Bush/Gore thing regarding soda v. pop. Sounds like someone has got waaay
too much time on their hands. However, when it comes to Illinois, I'm a
native. I grew up about an hour from St. Louis on I-55 in central IL, and I
now live in Chicago. I can honestly say that IL is mixed. I grew up in a
small town, and my family says soda. So did many of the people I knew.
But, I also knew a lot of people who said pop. In my town, it seemed to be
a cultural gap (even to an 8-year old kid) when I first realized the
difference. Even in my little hometown, we're split into North-siders and
South-siders. I lived on the North side and most of the people I knew who
said "pop" lived on the south side. When I went to college at Illinois
State University (also on the I-55 corridor), it was an even larger
amalgamation. I noticed a lot of people from Chicago who said pop, and they
(in their stuck up ways) figured everyone in southern IL (that's anywhere
south of Joliet for all of the ignorants from Chicagoland) says soda. I've
lived in Chicago for a few years, and I really haven't thought much about
this since my freshman year in college. But, I think it is an education
problem. I believe soda is the correct term for carbonated beverages, and
most people with half of a brain use that term. Others who say pop, either
are uneducated or have been conditioned by their surroundings. I even
experimented with saying pop when I went to college. It's frustrating and
annoying to use that word for soda. It has never made any sense to me,
because nothing about it goes pop (that's my reasoning). Also, my
grandfather used to own a dairy bar with a soda fountain. I'd consider him
an authority on the relative terms, so soda must be correct. Now, my
great-aunt lives in southern IL and she uses the term coke, but she's a
crack-head. Just kidding on that last part, but she told me once that she
grew up when Coke was king and that was all they ever drank. I also lived
in Nashville, Tennessee for a couple of years and never heard anyone refer
to sodas as cokes. In reflection, it was a mix but everyone knew what you
were talking about either way. But then again, nobody is actually from
Nashville, so that is probably a bad example.

I can't believe I wrote all of this regarding this asinine subject, but it
is something that has crossed my mind many a time. I've always compared
products I use to other people's, I just didn't think anyone else actually
made these considerations. I don't necessarily judge them on their choices,
but I notice the differences between us. You can break it down to those who
use Cheer v. Tide, Hellman's mayonnaise v. Miracle Whip salad dressing, or
root for the Cardinals v. Cubs. I think it comes down to cultural and
educational differences for some things, and what your parents/family use
for others. This isn't scientific, it's just life. I don't believe soda v.
pop has anything to do with Bush v. Gore. If anything, it's coincidental.

I'll step down from my soapbox, now. (...that'd be Ivory soap).

See, I didn't really mean for anyone to take the comparisons seriously. It was meant to be amusing, nothing more.

But to be honest, the more feedback I get, the more I start to think there's something to this. Pop drinkers, for the most part, have been rather jovial in their replies. But soda people? Man, can they get angry. Particularly soda people who happen to live in pop states. They're mortified to think they might be lumped in with the pop crowd!

And just as Gore voters seemed to think themselves of higher rank than Bush voters in 2000 (better educated, living in more metropolitan areas, blah, blah, blah), it seems to me that the most virulent anti-"pop" email I've gotten back carries much of the same snobbish sentiment. "Soda" drinkers, I'd say, seem to think we "pop" drinkers are a backward bunch.

Of course, I'd guess that even the most rabid soda people will admit to you in private that they'd rather have a pop drinker in the White House during wartime.

Ever been torn because two teams you really, really hate are going at it, and you don't know who you'd rather see lose? Ever wish they'd both lose? Yeah, those are exactly the kinds of feelings I get when I read up on the Katie Couric/Ann Coulter catfight. Mickey Kaus is keeping score. Fox Celebrity Boxing, are you following this?

Methinks the NY Times Bob Herbert is phoning it in of late. This weeks Ted Williams obit/swipe at American patriotism is about as ridiculous as last week's "Pig Pen" column. He writes:

Gone are the days when a Ted Williams would interrupt a flourishing baseball career to go off and fight the enemy. Most Americans, petrified of putting themselves in harm's way (not to mention losing a day's pay), wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. Vietnam brought an end to that kind of patriotism.

COKE/POP/SODA vs. BUSH/GORE CNT'D

Loving the reaction to this (thanks to InstaPundit and Fark! for the links). A few of my favorite comments via email and the Fark discussion boards:

Illinois is a "soda" state and that's all there is to it. I don't know where you got your information but NOBODY in Illinois says "pop". That's Ohio you're thinking of.

I read somewhere whites generally preferred Coke and blacks Pepsi. White cultural hegemonism in areas that voted for Bush would explain why it is called "Coke" there. Thus, drinking Pepsi is a revolutionary act! Join the revolution, overthrow the Cokeoisie!

Here in MA we refer to carbonated drinks as 'coke,' not 'soda.' The first time I ever heard the word 'soda' was when I had a teacher from the mid-west in high school 30 + years ago.

I don't care what that map says, Illinois is a "soda" state. I was married to a witch from there for 7 years, so I oughta know.

"I'll have a Coke, please."

"What kind?"

"A Sprite."

Soda all the way.
Evidence: "Soda jerk" "Soda fountain" "Cream soda"
to name a few.

Does that mean that Coke gained market control by preventing blacks in Florida from being able to choose either product? Perhaps Coke got 5 out of 9 government hacks to "officially" name it market leader over the will of half a million more pepsi fans.

Me: "A Coke, please."
Waitress: "What kind?"
Me: "Um, I just said I wanted a Coke."
Her: "Yeah ... ? What kind?"
Me: "Listen up! One Coke. A COKE!"
Her: "WHAT ... KIND ... ??"
Me: "$#! Give me a Dr. Pepper."
Her: "One Dr. Pepper COKE, coming up."
Me: "What? No! Don't mix them you filthy hick!"

I grew up in Illinois where I'd never heard of anything but pop. I moved to Maine when I was ten and people there looked at me funny and had no idea what I was talking about. I'd finally destroyed any trace of the word pop in my vocabulary, but this weekend I went for orientation at my new college in Canada and was surrounded by pop drinkers.

Now I'm just messed up.

I'm originally from Ohio where we said 'pop'. Now I live in Baltimore where we say 'soda'. As our illustrious leader GWB says: "When in Rome, do what the Romanians do".

Well I am glad to see so much of the nation calls it pop. Someone in KY made fun of me once for asking for a pop and told me only people from Michigan called it pop. All I know is when I hear soda I think Baking Soda, or one of those drinks with ice cream.

Maybe instead of arguing over "pop" and "soda", the average fat-ass American should just stop drinking the crap and try something called "water" instead.

I grew up in Atlanta, so I had no choice. If you order soda, pop, or even Pepsi, you still get a Coke. I feel disenfranchised now. Vote Libertarian.

"So I was looking at the map below, and after zooming in, I started to notice something. Doesn't this map look quite a bit like this one?"

Yes! They are both maps of THE United States.

Uh, it's Soda. It always has been.

Look at the map again. Then ask yourself, of all those places that call it 'pop', 'what of value has ever come out of there?' Don't you feel foolish for calling it pop now? Good.

.

Just finished up my magazine piece on Straight, Inc. and the Semblers. It was to be a 2,500 to 3,500 word article. Ended up at 4,800 before editing. Just too damn much to say. Above see a picture of the good Mr. and Mrs. Sembler sharing a dance. Ain't that sweet? Picture is courtesy of Ginger Warbis's website. If you're new to the site and wondering what all this is about, click here, then scroll through the May and June archives.

So I was looking at the map below, and after zooming in, I started to notice something. Doesn't this map look quite a bit like this one? I thought so. So I did a little comparison. I've listed below each state, whether it is a soda, pop or Coke state, and whether that state went for Bush or Gore in the 2000 election.

There are some exceptions (which I'll detail after this list), but for the most part, Coke/pop states went for Bush, and soda states for Gore. It gets weirder. Florida is remarkably undecided about whether it's a Coke or a soda state. Up and down the panhandle -- which went overwhelmingly for Bush -- Florida's all Coke. But hit the Miami, Palm Beach and retirement areas -- solid Gore country -- and it's all about soda. Here's the list (sorry that it's virtually unreadable -- couldn't format well within the limits of Blogger):

AK Soda Bush
AL Coke Bush
AR Coke Bush
AZ Soda Bush
CA Soda Gore
CO Pop Bush
CT Soda Gore
DC Soda Gore
DE Soda Gore
FL Soda Bush
GA Coke Bush
HI Soda Gore
IA Pop Gore
ID Pop Bush
IL Pop Gore
IN Pop Bush
KS Pop Bush
KY Coke Bush
LA Coke Bush
MA Soda Gore
MD Soda Gore
ME Soda Gore
MI Pop Gore
MN Pop Gore
MO Soda Bush
MS Coke Bush
MT Pop Bush
NC Coke Bush
ND Pop Bush
NE Pop Bush
NH Soda Bush
NJ Soda Gore
NM Coke Gore
NV Soda Bush
NY Soda Gore
OH Pop Bush
OK Coke Bush
OR Pop Gore
PA Soda Gore
RI Soda Gore
SC Coke Bush
TN Coke Bush
TX Coke Bush
Utah Pop Bush
VA Soda Bush
VT Soda Gore
WA Pop Gore
WI Soda Gore
WV Pop Bush
WY Pop Bush
The tallies: Bush won 11 of 12 Coke states, all but New Mexico. He also won 11 of 17 pop states. Of the six "pop" states he lost, all were northern states, most strong in a Lutheran liberal tradition (Iowa, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, Oregon and Washington). On the other side, Gore won 2/3 of the soda states (14 for 21). But a closer look at the 7 soda states Gore lost reveals an even stronger what-you-call-your-carbonated-drinks/political affiliation connection:

Virginia: The map shows Northern Virginia -- which went heavily for Gore -- to be sound soda country. Dixie Virginia -- which carried the state for Bush -- is all Coke.

Nevada: Very small sampling. Las Vegas, however, went soda and Gore. The rest of the state went Coke and Bush.

Missouri: Again, liberal metro St. Louis is all soda and all Gore. Rural Missouri is more pop -- or Coke in the south -- and gave the state to Bush.

New Hampshire: Anomalous. New Hampshire's easily the least liberal state in New England. Not surprising that it's voters would drink soda and vote for Bush.

Arizona: Can't really explain this one. I'm not sure why Arizona is soda country and went for Bush, while next door New Mexico is Coke country and went for Gore. Seems they should be switched.

Alaska: Do they even drink cold beverages up there? Too far from the mainland to make sense of.

Florida: See above. And you can pretty much put Florida in either the Bush or Gore column.

All in all, Bush won 22 of 29 Coke/pop states. Gore won 14 of 21 soda states. And I'd guess that the trend will only get stronger next election.

The most likely states defect to Bush in 2004 are the pop/Gore states -- Iowa, Minnesota, Illinois, Michigan, Oregon and Washington. Iowa, Oregon and Washington were razor-thin for Gore in 2000, and Minnesota, Illinois and Michigan were considered "battleground" states right up until Election Day.

Likewise, the Democrats could easily pick up a few of the 7 soda/Bush states. Florida and New Hampshire, for sure. But also Virginia as the D.C. suburbs continue to sprawl, and which just elected a Democrat governor. Nevada and Arizona could be Dem pickups too, as metro areas out west collect higher and higher percentages of those states' overall populations.

I say look for Bush to be ordering lots of "pop," or be seen with many a can of Coca-Cola come 2004.

As for my analysis, go ahead and send my name to the Nobel committee now.

POP, SODA OR COKE?

As a native Midwesterner, until about age ten I'd always considered "soda" to be a glass of cold pop topped with a scoop of ice cream. Turns out, there's a whole other race of people out there whose generic name for carbonated beverages is "soda." Crazy!

Meander south of the Mason-Dixon line, and it's more likely called "Coke" (which has me curious as to whether Coke is elated or upset about being known as the generic term for all things carbonated. Probably happy. Something tells me the odds of Coke losing its brand name -- say, the way Xerox and Escalator have -- is pretty unlikely). At any rate, the map above was put together by a Cal Tech professor, and breaks down the pop/soda/Coke regional split. Overall tally: "soda" leads "pop" by about 45 votes out of some 16,000 cast.

Next question: is it a paper bag or a paper sack?

Michael Jackson is teaming up with Al Sharpton (I'm not making this up) and Johnnie Cochran to go after the music industry, which the trio of freakdom says exploits black artists. Jackson cites the lack of promotion from Sony for his 2001 crap-o-rama Invincible as evidence. This brings up three important points:

1) If record companies are only promoting white artists, why does Michael Jackson have a beef? (Sorry. Cheap shot. Brings up my favorite Michael Jackson joke, though: America -- the only place where a poor black boy can grow up to be a rich, white woman.)

2) Nine of the current Billboard Top Twenty albums were put out by black artists. That's 45%. Blacks make up 14% of the U.S. population. Obviously, record companies are promoting black artists. Sorry Mike, but the only discriminating factor they seem to be using here is they won't put promotional muscle behind stuff that sucks.

4) If the music industry is racist, why am I forced to listen to really awful rap every time I'm in a car tuned to a D.C. radio station?

This is really pretty depressing. Mike's a native Hoosier, so I want to give him love. But his teaming with the Sharpton/Cochran bias slut duo will prove to be a sorry, sorry epilogue to his inevitable three-hour, Behind the Music special.

June's traffic reports are in. P.J. Doland, who hosts this site for a ridiculously paltry fee, uses Webtrends traffic-tracking software. Instead of rehashing last month's stats for you, I'll just give you the link and you can take a look for yourself. Pretty cool, aren't they? Webtrends is wonderful. Breaks down traffic in pretty much any way you can imagine.

We're up all around, which is great news. Average visits per day are up to 490. Average visits per weekday are up to 566, up from about 430 in May. This has me very, very excited. Especially considering that my busiest days of the month are typically those days that my Fox column runs. Last month, I only had one column, instead of the usual two. Also, traffic generally wanes across the web during the summer months, as professionals take vacations, and college students spend less time on the computer, and people generally play outside instead of on the Internet. So that we're trending up in those months the rest of the web trends down makes me very happy.

So thank you for reading, linking, and recommending.

And be sure to continue reading, linking and recommending.

I'm in negotiations for a new look. Stacy Tabb's Sekimori web design will be re-configuring these pages to make them much more pleasant for your eyes. So for those of you who've had problems finding the links on this page, relief is on the way.

Stacy and her staff are good. She did this site. And this one. And this one. Not bad, eh? I'll be moving off of Blogger's software too, meaning lots of the glitches we've encountered the past few months ("template not found" errors, lost archives, etc.) will be no more.

But it ain't cheap (Actually, by web design standards, it is pretty darned cheap. But web designers are generally outrageous. So when I say "cheap," I really mean "free" -- it ain't "free."). So if you like what you see once we're up and running, maybe you consider clicking that little "donate" button at right and make a contribution to my marathon charity fund? Fully tax-deductible, I'll remind you. And for those of you who have given, many many thanks. I'll be working on a "donors" page soon, where you can peruse the names of my generous readers (Note: I won't post amounts given, and if you want to remain anonymous -- or give in someone else's name -- we can do that, too).

Eugene Volokh has an interesting breakdown of how the current Supreme Court justices have voted in free speech cases since the court last changed personnel. Turns out Kenedy (followed by Thomas) have the broadest interpretations of the First Amendment, Breyer (followed by Rhenquist) the narrowest. I'm not surprised by Thomas' high placement, though I am by Kennedy's leading the pack. That Thomas is near the top and Rhenquist is near the bottom goes to show that this court if far more ideologically diverse than the left-versus-right/5-4 caricature it's often portrayed to be. In an editorial published this morning, the Washington Post seems to agree.

Note too that the Post -- at least here -- seems to be supporting school vouchers!

The court upheld private school vouchers against a church-state challenge, delivering an important affirmation that state experiments that might alleviate the crisis in American education will not be aborted.

Here's a great debunking of RIAA anti-filesharing rhetoric by folk songstress Janis Ian.

So the Fox column yesterday went up, but didn't have the "respond to writer" link at the bottom. Consequently, I got very little feedback. Normally, a Fox column generates upwards of 100 email messages. This time I got seven, I think. This is bad for two reasons: 1) feedback is like crack. I love it. Can't get enough of it, and, 2) it makes for good copy on this site. Now, instead of just cutting and pasting your emails, I have to come up with original content for you. Grrrrrr.

Here, however, is one thoughtful respondent:

Your recent column on the Fox News website was excellent. I am a scientist, recently retired from government. I worked most of my career in one or another environmental agency. In the short year since I retired it has become apparent that we have an entire "industry" built on telling America that the "sky is falling" and how we should all be shamed of all that we have.

Modern environmentalist are most probably the worst. They were raised with little religion, and have turned environmentalism into a form of religion. Endangered species are worshipped as if they were gods, or at a minimum, saints. Environmental prophets speak and most in the media take the words of these self appointed-prophets as gospel. Whoa be the person that even questions anything said because they are heretics worth burning at the stake.

Not to go on and on, but as your column points out, as does the book you quoted -- Americans, all Americans, have it better than any society on earth, possibly any society that has ever existed. So, what is the intent of the folks that keeping preaching how really bad America is? What are their motives?

If one goes to some of the radical environmental websites and some of the websites for radical Islamic fundamentalist sites, you only have to change a few words in their manifestos for them to be the same. Before 9-11, the terrorist group behind the most terrorist events in modern U.S. history was ELF (The Earth Liberation Front).

A Brazilian scientist I once knew told me that Americans could afford to be environmentalists because we aren't worrying when we'll eat next or where we're going to sleep.

Thanks for listening. Keep up the excellent work.

Similarly, Steve Moore does point out some less positive trends in the book's introduction, such as the prevalence of suicide in more prosperous economies. But I'd submit that suicide is in itself a selfish luxury. If you're starving, or slaving to feed your family, or scampering to find shelter from an approaching winter, you don't have time for depression. You've got time only to figure out how to survive.

Moore also notes the more recent trends of increased divorce rates and single motherhood in western society. But these are also arguments in favor of more economic freedom, not less. Illegitimacy rates among low-income populations trend pretty much consistently with welfare expenditures, which for decades now have rewarded single women who have more children they can't afford. A freer economy wouldn't have a state-run social welfare system. Instead, privately run philanthropies would administer assistance. Poorly run charities (i.e. charities that pay single women for having more babies) would lose credence and clout with donors. They'd go under. More productive charities -- those that helped the downtrodden up, then injected them back into the economy -- would thrive.

So, no, all trends don't point skyward. But those that do are largely the result of a free economy. And those that don't could be remedied by making it even freer.

Whilst driving up the East Coast yesterday, I tuned in to NPR and heard a nifty reading of the Declaration of Independence by various NPR personalities. You can listen to it online here. Of course, having Nina Totenberg or Neal Conan read that a government derives its just powers from the consent of the governed; that men are endowed with the unalienable rights of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness; and that the People have the right to abolish or alter destructive government, is quite a bit different than them actually believing in such values or, God forbid, reflecting them in NPR programming.

A nice piece in today's Opinion Journal by Jonah Goldberg's papa. Sydney Goldberg looks at how prominent dictionaries define leaders and philosophies on the right and the left. Surprise! He detects bias.

Nicholas Kristoff makes the salient point in today's NYT that U.S. farm subsidies are effecting famine in Africa, and preventing fledgling African farmers from getting their legs beneath them. Welcome aboard, Mr. Kristoff. Of course, Richard North made the same points two weeks ago for Tech Central -- Europe.

OK, I'm back, a day earlier than expected. I decided to drive home from Philly last night, due to the heat. What a sweaty Fourth. Miserable.

To get the ball rolling, here's a pretty unique take on Martha Stewart by the very smart Michael Kinsley.

Oh, one other thing. Be sure to read my Fox News 4th of July column. And share it with your friends.

Happy 4th, gang. I'll be back this weekend. Likely Saturday.

Here's an old MH gimmick that's still pretty funny. Celebrity Valentine's Day cards.

Why I'm a libertarian with a small "L," not a big one (link via YRMOB).

REILLY v. SOSA

So here's the scoop. Smartass (but also quite funny) sportswriter confronts hero slugger in Cubs' locker room. Hero slugger, in face of steroids controversy, has boldy said in recent weeks that he'd be first in line for testing "if the union approves." Smartass sportswriter says to hero slugger, "why not test yourself anyway, just for posterity?" Smartass sportswriter gives hero slugger the name and number of a clinic that will take a blood/urine sample, test for banned substances, and return results in 10 days. Hero slugger is offended, feels shanghaied, abruptly ends interview with smartass sportswriter.

With whom does one side?

I love Sammy Sosa. I hope that for the sake of sunshine, puppies and all that is good and noble and pure with the world that he breaks everyone one of Barry "I'm Too Broke To Pay Child Support Because My Greedy Union Made Me Go On Strike" Bonds' records.

I think Sammy Sosa is what's right with baseball.

But Rick Reilly has a point. Sosa's statement, "I'd be the first to get tested -- but only if the union approves testing," rings hollow as a corked bat. Frankly, the union will never agree to testing, and the owners would never force it on them (any owner concerns about the prolifacy of injured steroid ballers is balanced out by the fact that bigger, stronger hitters have resulted in higher-scoring games, home run races, and all-around positive PR for baseball. Owners would be foolish to go back to the days when a guy the build of Alan Wiggins could conceivably hit cleanup). Perhaps Sammy really did think there's a chance the union would go for mandatory steroids testing, but I give him quite a bit more credit than that.

Reilly's point is simple: bold statements aren't bold without backup. Sosa wasn't ready to provide the backup. Sammy ought to take some time to cool down. He ought to think it over. He ought to call Reilly up, and ask for the name of that clinic. He ought to get tested. And when his results come back clean, Reilly can give the paycheck for the column he wrote dogging Sosa to one of Sosa's Dominican charities.

I'll do some posting this afternoon, but then I'm off for two days. Skipping this town (a.k.a. Terrorist Target #1) for Philadelphia to spend the holiday with many rugrat cousins. That's one thing you certainly don't get much of in D.C. -- kids. We're all single, upwardly mobile or married DINKS (Double Income, No Kids). That's too bad. Because if there's one thing D.C. needs, it's a healthy dose of the honesty and bullshitless jabber you can only get from wee ones.

So has anyone else noticed that since KausFiles moved to Slate, they've employed a gimmicky marketing trick to keep you at the site?

The "Back" button doesn't work. It merely reloads the page. You have to do a "multiple click" to escape from Slate's grip. Hmmm.....

Think those failed attempts to go "back" might pad Slate's "page views" stats?

I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THIS

This item from the Smoking Gun is an actual court case in D.C. -- Mickey Mouse vs. Donald Duck. Probably a clerk's joke. But it reminds me of a joke of my own. An awful one. With a swear word. I'm sorry. But it always, always, always gets a laugh.

Seems Mickey Mouse is in divorce court to finalize a split with Minnie.

"I'm sorry Mickey," the judge says, "but I can't grant you a divorce just because you think Minnie is a little deranged."

"I didn't say she was deranged," Mickey shoots back, "I said that she's fucking Goofy!"

Again, very sorry.

Julian Sanchez annihilates Mayor Bloomberg on New York's cigarette tax. Note the witty headline.

Sportsguy is rambling again, which is when he's at his best. A few samples:

I can't remember ever having a bad experience with Cool Whip.

For next year, can we get a special Father's Day episode of "ESPN's The Life" about Shawn Kemp? Whoops, the phone's ringing again ... umm ... I think that's probably for me ...

All right, can somebody tell Ashleigh Banfield that it's OK to look cute again?

This will be the first Fourth of July where you can wear a U.S. flag shirt without everyone thinking you're a big dork.

It isn't officially a trip to K-Mart until you're wondering to yourself, "Is that person actually in my phylum?"

Now that Will Ferrell has finally left "SNL," we need to start thinking about where the "VH1 Storytellers: Neil Diamond" sketch ranks among the greatest SNL sketches of the past three decades. Doesn't it have to be Top 5 or am I crazy? "This next song I wrote after I killed a drifter to get an erection. Forever in blue jeans!!!"

The best part about MTV's new "Soriority Life" series is that you have to pound a few beers before the girls start to look even remotely attractive ... it's just like being back in college!

Let's face it: You can separate the world into two groups of people: the ones who heard about that Mets pitcher having an anxiety attack/seizure from smoking marijuana and said, "Man, what an idiot!", and the people who heard about it and said, "Man, that must have been some gooooooooooooood s---."

Could somebody send Jack Black the "E! True Hollywood Story" episodes on Chris Farley and John Belushi before it's too late?

You know, the U.S. Senior Open would be much more exciting to watch if they prohibited the competitors from peeing until they finished a round.

When boxing broadcaster Barry Tompkins dies, what gets mentioned first in his obituary -- the Hagler-Hearns fight or the Drago-Balboa fight?

CALL ME DMITRI

I just took the "Dead Russian Composer Personality Test." I'm both honored and disturbed at the results.

You are Dmitri Shostakovich! Congratulations! You are a shy, nervous, unassuming, fidgety, and stuttery little person who began composing the same year you started music lessons of any sort. You wrote the first of your fifteen symphonies at age 18, and your second opera, "Lady Macbeth of the Mtsensk District," when you were only 26. Unfortunately, Stalin hated the opera, and put you on the Enemy Of The People List for life. You nevertheless kept composing the works you wanted to write in private; some of your vocal cycles and 15 string quartets mock the Soviet System in notes. And you somehow were NOT killed in the process! And Harry Potter(c) stole your glasses and broke them!

Friend and colleague James Markels pens a piece on atheists who dig the pledge for the America's Future Foundation.

I agree with James that not all atheists are as thin-skinned as Newdow (the plaintiff in the now-infamous pledge case). I'm not an atheist, I'm a deist (I think). So I won't claim to speak for atheists or agnostics. But as a deist, the pledge doesn't bother me a lick. Nor does "under God." I've made this point before. What bothers me is that we force kids in mandatory schools to "pledge allegiance" to anything. That's indoctrination. And I find it troublesome.

Newdow calls himself "the ultimate patriot," and says he'd be fine with the pledge and its forced recitation in public schools so long as "under God" isn't a part of it. That suggests that he doesn't mind his kid being coerced into genuflecting before a flag, but he draws the line when she's coerced into iterating support for a flag and a God.

I think that really undermines his cause. Makes him even less likeable, too.

So whilst "Googling" myself (I'm a slut, I admit it), I found a little piece I wrote a couple of summers ago, just after ABC hired Dennis Miller for Monday Night Football. I think it's rather fortuitous. And funny. Which is surprising, because I usually cringe at stuff I've written more than a few months into the past. Hope you like it:

Miller Time

Geez, ABC must have been thinking. It's bad enough that we've lost women and effeminate men to Ally McBeal (As well as masculine men who like to watch women kiss). But now we're losing 18-30 year-old-males, the testosterone bunch, to...wrestling.

That's why for the past three weeks the alphabet network has turned the search for Al Michael's Monday night drinking buddies into a national discussion. Sports columnists, trial balloons, and on-line polls have touted the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Larry King, Drew Carey, and, even, Regis! (whose name, according to the AP Style Guide, now requires an exclamation point).

Enter Dennis Miller.

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but . . .

Dennis, babe, what are you thinking? This is a little like Doug Llewellyn hosting Def Comedy Jam, isn't it? I mean, the talent doesn't fit the medium.

Dennis, do you really think the suds n' Cheetos crowd is going to coo and sway the way your cable audience does when you opine that we haven't seen a club as bad as the Saints since Lord Byron slipped off his Rockports at the Venice town podiatrist?

Methinks no.

Most sports fans can't negotiate Bob Costas' obscure musings, much less yours.

Face it, D, you're the intellectual's funnyman. Your crowd wouldn't be caught dead with a bag of Funions, they don't sweat for a living, much less enjoy watching other men do it, and they don't tingle with anticipation when Hank Williams asks them if they're "ready to get a little rowdy."

No, Monday night finds your crowd laughing at the boss's jokes over cocktails at the Elbow Room. Sorry to say it D, but you're better off doing a guest spot on Frazier.

Don't get me wrong. I love 'ya. And I'm damn happy that ABC Sports President Don Ohlmeyer knows talent when he sees it. But Dan Fouts? Al Michaels? And Dennis Miller? It's like throwing Abraham Foxman into the booth with Marlon Brando and Marge Schott.

Think about it, D. These guys can't keep up with you. I give it two commercial breaks before Dan Fouts looks at you and says, "Who the hell is Ron Jeremy? And why do you bring him up every time it's 'fourth and inches?'"

Personally, I don't know why they ever broke up Michaels, Dierfdorf and Boomer. Yeah, so the broadcasts were about as smooth as G.W. Bush reading roll call at a UN subcommittee meeting. But you knew it was only a matter of time before Boomer popped off one too many times, at which point Dierdorf would put him in a headlock and squeeze until Esiason's pretty blonde head popped like a bing cherry.

And so we watched. For drama.

But now? What'll they do with the spit shield they put around Michaels for the times Dierdorf gets excited? And why fire Leslie Visser? I loved that whole disheveled look she had going -- like she'd just spent an hour with Dick Stockton in the backseat of his dad's K-car.

But I digress. Honestly, D, I think your talents are wasted at MNF. I'm sure the money's nice. The exposure, too. And, yes, it's the most popular sports series in history. But "Survivor" is big right now, too. And you don't see Bill Maher sending CBS resumes and rat con-carne recipes, do you?

I just hope you don't lose your edge by going mainstream. I'd hate to turn on the set four years from now and see you chatting up beach homes with Hillary as guest host of the Rosie O'Donnel Show.

Honestly, D? I was hoping for Drew Carey. A fella's fella. A guy who wrote a book called "Dirty Jokes and Beer." Or Frank Gifford, Kathy Lee and Jessica Simpson, clad in spandex. That, I'd watch.

Or, O.J. O.J. and anyone.

Limbaugh fans will be inevitably disappointed, but hey, ABC promised a guest halftime appearance or two from The Great Bombast. (Although if he's not talking politics I don't know how anyone could distinguish him from Chris Berman).

I wish you the best, D, I really do. Just don't lose your edge.

Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong....

At the behest of TAPPED, The American Prospect's online blog, it seems the blogoshpere has commenced a no-holds-barred Cal Thomas beat-down fest. (Read TAPPED's call here, Stephen Green's response here, and Andrew Sullivan here).

Well, count me in. Hope I don't piss off my friends at Fox (where Thomas is a contributor), but IMHO, the guy is a semi-literate, moralistic blowhard.

I have a great Cal Thomas story.

A few years ago, I was working for a quite conservative non-profit in the D.C. area. We were throwing a reception for Congressional staff interns on Capitol Hill, and Thomas was the keynote speaker. I was talking with an adequately attractive, very tall intern who I remember worked for the office of a southern Congressman, but exactly which one escapes me. Thomas plodded up to us and immediately (and awkwardly) injected himself into the conversation. Actually, that's not right. He didn't even acknowledge that we were having a conversation. He sort of bumped me aside.

"Hi, I'm Cal Thomas," he said, extending his hand to southern, tall, adequately attractive intern. "What's your name?"

He proceded to throw out terrible line after terrible line at this poor girl, who, to her credit, was anything but starstruck.

"You and I ought to start the "tall people's club" is one particularly galling come-on I remember him trying.

Finally, Thomas, oblivious to this girl's disenchantment with him, threw out this gem:

"So where pretty girls like you when I was in college?"

"Gee, Mr. Thomas," tall, southern, adequately attractive intern shot back without missing a blink, "I don't even think I'd been born yet when you were in college."

Dejected, Thomas slumped away.

As if President Bush needed any vindication for black-balling ABA recommendations when it comes to nominating judges, here's a little more. Seems the ABA rewrote its guidelines in collusion with some lefty interest groups for the specific purpose of undermining a Bush appointee.

This is not, not, not an Onion article.

The ridiculous tobacco settlement at work.

Here's a pretty entertaining reflection on the "golden" presidency of Dick Cheney. All two hours of it.

Amusing World Cup quotables.

An interview with the voice of Sponge Bob Squre Pants.

MORALS CZAR BENNET

William Bennet on last week's Supreme Court decisions in the WSJ: "The court's decisions are worth celebrating. They have restored the sense that this nation is an 'experiment in ordered liberty.' The excessive invocation of individual rights, for once, was forced to yield to the reliable tests of good sense and community sentiment."

This is troublesome, and rather revealing of just how dangerous Bennet can be. Individual rights should yield to community sentiment? Which community? Whose sentiment?

Community sentiment suggested that the post 9/11 ramblings of Ann Coulter, Jerry Falwell and the gang were overwrought, over-the-top and probably worthy of censorship. Something tells me that in those examples, Bennet wouldn't support subverting Coulter and Falwell's free speech rights to "community sentiment."

The answer to the questions above of course is that certain "excessive" individual rights should yield to William Bennet's community, and William Bennet's sentiment. Sorry, but I subscribe to neither.

Bennet's analysis is wrong too, at least on the voucher case. Allowing poor kids to escape the monopoly of the public school system is, in my opinion, an expansion of individual rights, not a limitation on them (though, truth be told, I'd much prefer a system of tax credits to vouchers). Bennet seems to be adopting the anti-voucher left's worst caricature of school choice -- that it's forcing taxpayers to subsidize religion -- in order to further his own agenda. Bennet and his moralist supporters believe that taxpayers subsidizing religion (at least real religion, like Christianity) is good and just and right and is what God and George Washington and all decent people have always intended.

I think that's crap, of course. I also don't think it's an accurate or fair characterization of vouchers.

MARATHON UPDATE VII

Three miles Saturday.

Then a wonderful, wonderful 7-miler last night. Best run since I did the marathon last October. I'd really just planned on doing five last night, but I felt so good, I went ahead and peeled off two more. Not only that, but last night was the first time I was able to keep pace on my five-mile course from front to back. That's because about three miles in, I have to tackle a hill about a half-mile long and what feels like 45-degrees steep. I call it "That Bitch." This is because I need the motivation of every bad dating or relationship experience I've ever had to get up and over it. Trust me. It works. So as I'm climbing -- and tiring -- I call up these bad experiences and, inevitably, end up saying to myself, or sometimes aloud -- sometimes embarrassingly loud -- "THAT BITCH..."

My point: last night I got over the hill without breaking pace. Weather was reasonably cool (more importantly -- dry). No injuries, major blisters or lost toenails to speak of. A really nice night. Then I watched "A Beautiful Mind." First time I've seen it. What a great movie. I've seen "Training Day," too. And let me say, Denzel was great, but there's no way in hell Russel Crowe doesn't win bast actor last year. That was the performance of a lifetime. Stunned, I was.

So we're at 45 miles total now. Still just a little over $100 raised.

Check out Gene Healy's new site. Spiffy. Actually, Gene's on vacation at the moment in Brazil, which, given Sunday's World Cup result, is probably the best place in the world to be right now. He's got two guest posters in his absence, one of whom (Jefferson Kiely) I'm guessing will do everything in his power to link Gene's site to midget porn. Should be entertaining.