We think they're being overly optimistic:
As we have noted previously, it may be possible to reduce the convention floor to a quivering Saturnalia. Imagine the Republican delegates so consumed in fucking and sucking that they forget to nominate Bush.--the Brooklyn Orgastic Politics Collective, one of the more pleasant protest groups in town right now. (And, really, our kind of anarchists! Fuck those black mask guys. . . you know, really. . . )
BOP-C (Brooklyn Orgastic Politics Collective) [bopcollective.org, via Fleshbot, via New York Metro]
Can't be sure about this, but we hear that Democrats on the Illinois state election board have successfully shot down Marylander Alan Keyes' bid to represent their state in the Senate. It's funny how sometimes "conservative" means upholding established principles. We're gonna miss his loving singing voice, though.
We have deleted nothing from this LiveJournal entry, written by "Wonderwhore," a phone sex worker in Seattle:
I got tickets to the John Kerry rally thats going to be here next weekend, Im so stoked!!! I cant wait to go, Im so hopin they call me so I can volunteer down there too. I want to sooooo bad.It's nice to see a young person with real enthusiasm for politics. But we hear that KE04 prefers that its phone bank volunteers keep ther knees crossed until after the election (or at least until after work). Then again, think of what she could bring to a push poll.For those who care, right now I am wearing a pale yellow summer dress that has lil pink flowers on the edges, its scrunchies around my tittys, pale purple cotton panties and a big old warm cream sweater over it. I dont have any shoes or socks on, and my hair is tied up in a knot on my head. I smell like baby lotion cause I just rubbed my body down. My knees wrapped, thats the only thing un sexy about me right now, I think.
Wonderwhore, Wednesday, August 25th, 2004 [LiveJournal]
Wonderwhore [LiveJournal]
Today in the Washington Post, Howell Raines did his best David Brooks impersonation, extrapolating from a couple of anti-Bush bumper stickers in Ponoco Summit, Pa. ("less than seven miles from a NASCAR track") that "some voters" have a "secret fear" that "George W. Bush is not smart enough to continue as president." Raines then goes onto talk about how the press has failed the public in not investigating this issue further: "[T]he subject is seldom taken head-on by the mainstream newspapers and network news." Not sure what Howell really wants here, though. Administer an IQ test on the air? Present press conference questions in the form of anagrams? Have him try to make fire? How smart do you have to be to President, anyway? We sort of thought the act of, you know, having people vote for you proved some kinda intelligence. And you know what they say: It takes a brilliant politician to win an election. It takes a really brilliant politician to steal one.
The 'Dumb' Factor [WP]
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We're thinking that the Ben Affleck of the Republican convention is gonna be Ron Silver. The Washington Times admitted that Silver isn't "even be the most popular middle-aged Jewish character actor named Ron," but they say that like it's a bad thing. Personally, we're thrilled at the RNC's low-wattage star power: Think of how easy the parties will be to get into! In Boston, any party where there was even the slightest chance for some decent star fucking had a bitch at the door, too many people in the VIP room and not enough people less important than we are. Next week, we won't have to waste valuable time waiting in line when we could be drinking. That said, some parties will be harder to get into than others, and therefore the most desirable. A good rule of thumb: Follow Jenna. But not too closely. Barring that, follow the gay Republicans. Follow them pretty closely, 'cuz they'll try to lose you.
More specifically, we hear these are the shindigs with the best chances of not being lame:
[more...]
Okay, we're getting highly conflicting reports here about the vintage of this picture of Margaret Cho. . . though we have been convinced that it is her. We had assumed that it dated from her "All-American Girl" days, a period of forced anorexia and drug addiction richly recounted in "I'm the One That I Want." ("I always thought I was OK looking. I had no idea that I was this GIANT FACE TAKING OVER AMERICA!") But now we're hearing that Cho's gone from zaftig to zero-body-fat yet again. While we normally encourage and applaud the use of artificial stimulants (huh-huh), the possibility that she might have achieved this via drugs (and, no offense, we're thinking lots of drugs) is troubling. Because we're in New York now, too, and we'd like to make sure there's some left for us.
Cho Goes On [Wonkette]
You Supply the Pictures, I'll Supply the Culture War [Wonkette]
In this John Kerry pool report, Kerry goes to the Minnesota state fair and poses for a picture "with two girls as a cow [takes] a big dump two feet away." Also, no matter what you've heard, Marvin Nicholson was not eating Kerry's corndog. (That would be a large corndog indeed.)
From: kerrypool[more...]
On Behalf Of Jim VandeHei
Sent: Thursday, August 26, 2004 4:19 PM
To: Soapbox
Subject: [Kerrypool] Pool report on a stickJfk committed no news, but much color during his stop at the minnesota state fair in st. Paul this afternoon.
Jfk was greeted at first by a small and rather sillent crowd, a few waved kerry-edwards signs. The setting was the minn state fairgrounds, the air thick with the scent of deep fried everything and rain falling on and off. Jfk started what became one of the longest rope lines I have ever seenseen walking several hundred yards down the main road cutting through the fair. The crowd grew bigger and louder and magically kerry signs were everywhere. One cop threatened to toss your pooler into the joint for trying to get close enough to listen. My hero allison dobson intervened to save the day..
• Names & Faces: White House places fresh flowers on seats of rickety press plane. Pilot, dubbed "Captain Bang," flies a bumpy ride. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: KE04 attorney resigns after allegedly soliciting prostitute. . . Cheney celebrates 40th anniversary, will settle for "four more years." [WT]
• Inside Politics: Zellout.com says Miller should be a Republican. . . Coulter nexis-es "Hardball"; apparently Matthews talked more than John O'Neill. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: Delegates have choice words for Michael Moore. . . Putnam reportedly gave Dowd $675,000 advance. [NYDN]
• Piazza & Rovzar: Boy George, Moby, Lou Reed, Weinstein, Billy Baldwin, Alan Cumming, and the rest of liberal New York hope to out-party Republicans. [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: Clinton advises Kerry to "be absolutely clear as possible outlining what he would do, if elected, on all major issues." Calls "F9/11" "brilliant" and "provocative.". . . Sim Farar, Tony Bennett rake in $3m for KE04. [NYP]
• Page Six: Rodent problem at Madison Square Garden. . . Foghat doesn't support Bush. . . Dreamers think Cheney will drop out at convention, allowing McCain to step up. . . Alexandra, Vanessa skip party favors at VMAs. [NYP, NYP, NYP, NYP]
• Confident Bush says Kerry didn't lie about Vietnam; admits "miscalculation" of postwar conditions, supports diplomacy towards North Korea; says he studies Kerry's debating skills, and longs for peace. Bush: "I think [527s] should have been outlawed a year ago. We have billionaires writing checks, large checks, to influence the outcome of the election." [NYT, USAT]
• Bush, McCain seek legal limits for 527s. Kerry acts on McCain's request to cancel ad featuring 2000 footage. McCain: "I did advise John. I said, 'Look, you shouldn't talk about Vietnam because everybody else will." [WP, NYT, BG, USAT]
• Republicans approve platform that praises Bush, hides disagreement. [WP, NYT, LAT, WT, BG]
• Bush, with Giuliani in New Mexico, rehashes 9/11. Bush plans fire department visit during convention. [WP]
• Kerry, Edwards push economic message following news of increases in uninsured and impoverished. Edwards: "I can't believe the American people will reelect a man that cost 1.4 million people their health care." [WP, NYT, NYT, LAT, BG]
• Bush leads among veterans by 18 points, according to Annenberg survey. [WP]
Sure, the first taste is free, comments a tipster:
(AP) The University of Maryland business school plans to give handheld Blackberry wireless devices to all full-time MBA students this fall, in an effort to make students aware that a key to business is being able to access people and information at all times. Students will get to keep the devices, which can get them onto the Internet, when they leave. The undisclosed cost was covered by Blackberry's maker, Nextel, and business school funds.
And you probably could have predicted this:
--------------------------
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Talking points? What talking points? (Guess "nefarious coalitions" didn't test as well.)
And the President said he wanted to work together to pursue court action to shut down all the ads and activity by these shadowy 527 groups. . . .The President thought we got rid of all of this kind of shadowy activity when he signed the campaign finance reforms into law. . .. And so the President reached out to Senator McCain to say, let's work together and pursue court action to shut down all of this activity by these shadowy groups. . . .The President condemns all the ads and activity by these shadowy groups. . . All, all the ads and activity by the shadowy groups. That would include everything that these shadowy groups are involved in. . . The President wants Senator Kerry to join us in calling for a stop to all of the ads and activity by these shadowy groups. The President has condemned all of this activity by these shadowy groups. . . And so the President looks forward to working with Senator McCain to pursue court action to shut down all of this activity by these shadowy groups.As a friend of ours observed, "Scott McClellan, the political version of an orange parking cone."
Press Gaggle, August 26, 2004 [WhiteHouse.gov]
shadowy [Roget's II: The New Thesarus]
Some of us have complex reactions to someone whose political views are different from our own. We want to talk, to debate, perhaps do some independent research. And then there are those of us who just scream barely intelligible curses. This our approach, and that of the nice man down the street with the grocery cart full of cans. It is also the planned response to Bush's convention speech over at Air America, where Al Franken is telling supporters that "as George W. Bush moves to the podium in New York City, we will send him a message about his bid for reelection: we will yell, 'fuggedaboudit!'" Not sure how gangster patois became the preferred response -- "Fuck you" is more natural and more appropriate. (Must be an FCC thing.) Still, it's a great idea. So much cooler and more mature than just putting your hands over your ears and shouting "I can't hear you! I can't hear you! Lalalalalalala!"
The Great American Shoutout [Great American Shoutout]
We mocked Drudge, and now we have to give him the mad props for creative photo editing. Because this
is Margaret Cho. We're guessing this "undated" photo is from her anorexic pill-head days. We like her better now.
Last Sunday, the WP produced an exhaustive (and by that we mean "boring") report on the conditions under which Kerry won his medals, though there's apparently still some question as to the role of the guys on the grassy knoll. No, really: We love conspiracy theories as much as the next rumor-mongerer, and the ones about Kerry's self-inflicted wounds involve his ass. (Bonus!) But if the national press is going to give this much attention to Swift Boat Aluminum Foil Hat Veterans for Truth, shouldn't they be fair and check out all the vague accusations that surround what Bush was doing while Kerry was out spending Easter in Korea (or whatever)? People who at least sound normal seem to think there's something to the tall tales of hard partying W did down in Alabama serving (and not serving) in the National Guard. Something about "not just playing golf at the Mountain Brook Country Club." Now, we don't mind just making up some stuff about this. In fact, we would enjoy it (it would involve drunken gay sex with members of the University of Alabama football team. . . ) But, you know, we'd hate to let satire get in the way of a good story. . .
The River, The Mission, The Ambush [WP]
THE BUSH CONSPIRACY THEORY GENERATOR [Buttafly.com]
Break out the siren .gifs, kids, there's a Hollywood liberal to stamp your feet about!
Hey, that's funny! Get it? "Cho," "show"? That deserves a siren right there! Was Drudge so proud of his little pun that he didn't bother, you know, getting a picture of the actual person he was talking about?
Huh. You'd think they all looked alike or something.
Politically charged Cho will go on... [DRUDGE REPORT]
UPDATE: We mocked Drudge, and now we have to give him the mad props for creative photo editing. Because that Margaret Cho. We're guessing this "undated" photo is from her anorexic pill-head days. We like her better now.
Reports AP:
A sign advertising the musical comedy 'Naked Boys Singing,' sits inside the lobby of Theater Four, Wednesday, Aug. 25, 2004, in New York. The city's tourist bureau has pulled the off-Broadway show from a list of discounted offerings to visiting Republican delegates after the Republican National Committee complained it wasn't suitable.Now, if there were glowsticks involved. . .
Sure, he was a prisoner of war, but even the Vietnamese gave John McCain more room to maneuver than the tight little space he's boxed himself into by trying to both condemn the SBVFT ads and campaign for Bush. It's almost like he's talking out of both sides of his mouth, only his mouth doesn't really open that big. Seriously: Poor guy. First Bush fucks him and then he kisses him.
Hey, remember that Simpson's episode where Homer sublimates his anger and it builds until he gets a boil on his neck? Good thing McCain doesn't really have much of a neck.
McCain 'sick and tired of re-fighting' Vietnam War [USAT]
I Am Furious Yellow [TV Tome]
• Reliable Source: Norm Coleman's wife, Laurie, releases revealing photographs of provocative poses featuring garters, cleavage, and cocktails: "Female political spouses are the last dinosaur to come out of society's expectations of what a spouse is.". . . Danny Glover arrested for protesting outside Sudanese Embassy. . . "Brothers in Arms," documentary about Kerry, opens in New York. [WP]
• Inside Politics: C-SPAN to air Kerry's 1971 testimony at 8pm. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: Carson Daly displays Gay Wheaties with McGreevey's image. [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: New York liberals turn out to premiere of "Guantanamo: Honor Bound to Defend Freedom". . . Celebrities film "Choose or Lose" PSAs directed by Joel Schumacher. [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Dowd: "I'm mostly alone. My world is isolation.". . . Gossip sees Rudy, McCain match-up in '08 if Kerry wins. [NYP]
• Page Six: Kerry parody play opens for convention. . . Kerry could be best-dressed president. . . Brokaw, Rather, Rose, Cramer, Safer, Gelb toast Dowd at Four Seasons book party. . . Dean, Garafalo, Bacon, Falco, Franken, Moby and others party for MoveOn. [NYP, NYP, NYP, NYP]
• The Scoop: Conservatives concerned Britney Spears may show at convention. [MSNBC]
• Embattled attorney involved with BC04 and SBVFT resigns in effort to return focus on issues. Campaign denies coordination. [WP, NYT, LAT, LAT, BG]
• Cleland's "farce" in Crawford "worthy of Broadway," writes Milbank. [WP]
• McCain doesn't endorse KE04's use of 2000 footage; plans to personally tell Bush to condemn SBVFT ads. [NYT, USAT, USAT]
• Bush leads 49-46 in new poll, draws 15% of Dems; Kerry erodes slightly. Vietnam questions split partisans. [LAT]
• GOP platform creates rift between moderates and conservatives over marriage ban; conservatives irked at Cheney's stance. [WP, NYT, NYT, LAT, BG]
• Kerry calls for Rumsfeld to resign "for failure to do what he should have done." [NYT, WT, BG]
AIM: tipwonk
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