Ahhhhhhhh I have overload of homework and yet, I still don't do it. Funny how that works. I am becoming a health junkie and it's rather scary because I am like the queen of hoping I never lose my fast metabolism - I eat more junk food than about the rest of the planet. I was doing yoga yesterday which is even scarier ... lol. YOGA. Dude. That is scary. And then tomorrow I am going to kick boxing, and on Monday I am starting Karate again ... I am going to be completely dead by Tuesday morning. I might make Joel carry me to school ... lol.

How come if I like this guy ... and he likes me ... we aren't going out? I demand he explain himself. But then I stole his necklace and I am holding it hostage until he pays a ransom of one hundred billion dollars. Well maybe not. I am so pathetic. I can't believe I like Joel. Dude. That is just sad. But atleast I can admit to liking him unlike other people who shall remain unmentioned *coughBIANCAcough* lol. I just don't get it. He rings me every day for like a bigillion hours (translation three), and practically molests me at school and then walks me home and all that kind of stuff but no, he can't just ask me out, that's too difficult. Sure I could do it but I'm too stubborn. Hey, he knows I like him. So he can do it. Maybe it's a Taurus stubborn thing. We're both Taureans. That must be it. *moves birthday* Ahhhhhhh. Kill me. I am strange. Everyone thinks I'm cute. But I'm not. I'm just weird.

I actually accomplished next to nothing yesterday. w00t. I swear it was my plan all along. Really, it was. Out of the ten things I had to do, and I do almost nothing ...

1. Finish english assignment
2. Finish science assignment
3. Finish web design designing of web thingy
4. Watch crazy/beautiful on new tv
5. Watch Black Hawk Down on new tv
6. Watch Pitch Black on new tv.
7. Watch Any Given Sunday on new tv
8. Watch every other movie I own on new tv
9. Highjack new tv and place in my room
10. Sleep. Sleep is good.

So basically, I only did anything that involved no effort ... lol. I don't like making effort, I admit it. But when I've got to be at school by 8:30 tomorrow morning I think they shouldn't give me homework for the entire week just so I can catch up on my lack of sleep. Some people might see 8:30 as a perfectly reasonable time to have to be at school, but that's usually when I wake up. So therefore I have to wake up a whole 20 minutes earlier than usual ... lol. That's a big thing for me. 20 minutes could change my whole life, you know. Every second is another second less I have to live. And so every 20 minutes earlier I wake up is another 20 minutes I have to spend thinking and reacting and all those other things which require effort. Not good.

I actually have a list of things to do before I go to school tomorrow. Woot. I heart lists. Even though I never actually end up doing any of the things on them which require effort ... lol.

1. Finish english assignment
2. Finish science assignment
3. Finish web design designing of web thingy
4. Watch crazy/beautiful on new tv
5. Watch Black Hawk Down on new tv
6. Watch Pitch Black on new tv.
7. Watch Any Given Sunday on new tv
8. Watch every other movie I own on new tv
9. Highjack new tv and place in my room
10. Sleep. Sleep is good.

This message was brought to you by the good people at Meliaau.

Okay, best day of my life in a really really really really long ass time. Last night, went out with my bestfriends to the movies and to hang around tuggeranong and annoyed this guy I really like by telling him there were lots of cute guys there (lol, I'm nasty, so shoot me). Then went back to my friend's house and SMS'd this dude for like ... an hour ... which makes me really low on credit but it was also a lot of fun. Then, collapsed on my friend's lounge and fell asleep (lol). Woke up this morning and stayed in bed until like 12:00pm and then got my brother to come and pick me up, get home and find out my parents just bought a flatscreen widescreen that sure as hell is big tv. Feel in love with new tv only to be branded a slut as also falling in love with boy ... hehe ... then he messages me and says he can't call me 'cause he's going to his Dad's. Of course I'm totally fine with that because I've got a new tv to play with ... so I do that all afternoon, messing around and plugging things back in like the PS2 and all that other essential crap. Then, get to eat Chinese for dinner. GOOD Chinese. Finally, go on the Internet and get messaged by boy again and he tells me that he'll call me when he gets back tomorrow and that he loves me heaps.

Only problem now is, what do I choose? Boy or tv?

I can't even be bothered to change the fonts anymore. I can't be bothered to do ANYTHING anymore. I just don't care about anyone else, and hell, I barely care about me. My best friend still blames me for the fact that we don't 'talk' anymore, when she's the one who went and got a boyfriend and never hangs around anymore - how is that my fault? I try to make effort but she just doesn't give anything back and it's pretty much impossible to have a one-sided relationship. All my other friends apart from one or two mean absolutely nothing to me. NOTHING. You have no idea what that means ... I'm not usually so selfish ... but I just can't relate to those people anymore. I don't fit in. Well I do but it's almost like I fit in TOO well and it's just not comfortable anymore. I can't stay in one place too long. And I've been there three years ... it's almost like I've got cabin fever. I so desperately want to leave though but I honestly have nowhere else to go. NOWHERE. Being on my own scares me, I guess

They cancelled the concert. Turns out the guy planning it didn't actually represent Ja Rule at all and it was all a big scam. I would really like to know who that guy is right about now. Life is shit. For some reason lately I just can't seem to get things right. I say something and someone gets offended. I don't say anything and people think I'm pissed off at them. Seems like no matter what I do it's always me who did something wrong and never them. It's always me apologising for shit and you know what, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people. I'm sick of living here and I'm sick of being left out. This time last year I was like, as happy as a clam. Whatever the amount of happiness that is. I just know it's good. I had good friends and a good life, but now it's like everything I touch turns to shit. Instead of gold, that is.



I just wish I could go back to the way things were and the fact that I can't really hurts. I regret all those times people were truly interested in me and I let them down for whatever reason. Especially guys ... lol. Especially Nick. But he's got Tina now which is good I guess, I mean they've been going out for ages. I'm happy he's got someone like that now. I just think sometimes about how that could of been me. And then I think about what I did to Luke and how I lost him, too. Everyone I get close turns ends up leaving, for whatever reason.



Even worse is how people think that there's something wrong with me when there isn't ... and how when there is something wrong with me nobody seems to notice. It's like being invisible when you don't want to be, and being the centre of attention when you don't need it. I guess it happens to everyone though. I just feel left behind, like everyone is moving on but I am concreted into the floor.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD .



I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO BREATHE.



JA RULE AND ASHANTI. LIVE. ONE NIGHT ONLY.

LIVIN' IT UP TOUR. SYDNEY SUPERDOME.



MY PARENTS BOUGHT ME TICKETS!!!!

Okay. Worst weekend of my life. Ever. And considering I've only ever had one life that's pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that even I can make sense of what I am typing. Let's all start it on say ... Saturday morning. So I wake up, normal average day, then my best friend rings me. Tells me my ex-boyfriend is going over to her house. I think, okay, they're friends, whatever. I go to the shops because I need to buy my friend a birthday present. I do that then go to get my lay buy out, and THEY LOST IT. And then they didn't have the thing I wanted in my size so I can't have it at all, they don't produce them anymore ... so I get my money back. Go home, laze around for a while and start to get ready for my friend's birthday party dinner thing that I don't even want to go to but have to anyway.



Then my best friend rings me back, 'cause she wants me to stay at her house that night. I said okay, I'll get dropped off there after dinner. Then she decides to tell me my ex-boyfriend, who I still like, is all whooooooooooooooo over her and he kissed her. She of course denies kissing him back but I've known her that long that I know when she's lying. By now I'm in a really good mood, as you would be, and so I get my mum to drive me to dinner - I'm there by myself because everyone else arrives about half and hour late. Dinner was boring as shit and my friend's mum is a bitch, so when all the adults are finished talking about their fantastic lives we go back to my friend's house, and sit around for about an hour and a half, bored as hell, while all the adults begin to compare each other's life stories to other people's. Finally her mum drives me over to my best friend's house, where my best friend dumps one of those simulation 'Baby Think It Over' dolls on me for the night.



I think this is the first time I've ever actually been looking forward to Monday.

Whoo. All my school shit is fixed up. Go me. Nobody is online, and I am lonely ... so I am writing yet another completely useless entry for my livejournal ... lol. Actually, it does have some point. "Tryin to befriend the nigga that they claim they love, but hate so much, and really all we got is us, but fuck it, it's the same way they fucked me" <--- that is exactly how I am feeling right about now. All the people claiming to be my friends ... they're not. And I know it, and that makes it worse. I truly believe that ignorance is bliss and now I've lost my ignorance and discovered how selfish some people can actually be. I'm not saying I'm a saint - I know I'm not. But I know that, and I recognize it, and I don't pretend to be something I'm not, so why does everyone else? Almost everyone I know is using me for something or another, and I don't do shit all about it. I let them. I think it's because it makes me feel needed ... wanted even ... I dunno. It's weird. It works well though, because every person I have every seriously gotten close to, I've ended up hurting, so it is just easier to let people assume that I don't know what going on. And then, even if they're using me, it doesn't give me the opportunity to get close to them ... and then eventually hurt them ... right?





-----> JA RULE - LIFE AIN'T A GAME



Life ain't a game (nooooo)
If you feelin me (say yeah-yea)
Flip the bird where (in the aiiir)
Fuck the world (we don't caaare)



It's time to ride out
Niggaz stash your cash at the hideout
The Murderous I-N-C's en route
(Y'all hear me) feelin my shit the same
(Y'all fear me) in every definitive way
(I'm really) the nigga that you need to get with
Cuz y'all pop shit nigga, I pop clips nigga
Hot, but not the black four-dot-six nigga
You know the Rule, thug heart nigga
And I don't need no fake friends, broke ties, loose ends
There they go niggaz is at it again
Tryin to befriend the nigga that they claim they love,
But hate so much
And really all we got is us
But fuck it, it's the same way they fucked me
Now I'm fuckin your broad in the back of a Humvee, go figure
I'll have your niggaz pourin out liqour
All because you fuckin with the Rule nigga



Take my life, take my mind
Take my heart, take my soul
Take my cash, take it all
But save me
I'm throwing my life away



Why, would a nigga with so much talent
Want to throw it all away to drugs and violence
I know not the answers but I ask the questions
Do all Muslims really study their leasons?
And how many Christians lie during confessions?
I know I did when I was just a kid
Never told about the guns my uncle hid
Under my bed, and at night I played with them
Kind of grew up to be sort of a loose cannon
Before my sins, I'm asking you to let me in
Lord help me, I been through all the pain
Now I wanna know who loves me



Changes, changes
My mind is going through
Changes, changes
My body's going through
Changes, changes
My life is going through
Changes, changes



Yo, looky here
I just wanna fuck all day, live my life
Get high all day, my life
Maybe one day, I'll live right
Fuck the world, it's my life

My bumper sticker reads:


Kinky.
Take the quiz.

I just demolished my room. It was for a good cause though. I lost ten dollars in there somewhere. And losing $$$ = me needing to demolish my room in order to find it. I did eventually, which was good. And now my Dad is going to make me a shelf thingy to put my stereo on because he is sick of me having it on the floor. It's going to be a big ass shelf though - the stereo is pretty big - it's one of those silver and blue Kenwood ones. Oh well. As long as he doesn't expect me to help I don't care.



-----> http://kelly.moranweb.com/quiz



Virtues: You look for immense creativity and individuality in people, including yourself. You're not happy with anything less than brilliant, and you focus on being expressive. You value energy, liveliness, and upbeat personalities, but you're not supportive of moodiness when you yourself can be unreliably moody. Seeking activity, you like the bustle of business but need the secluded atmosphere of a studio or private corner.



Aspirations: You feel the need to express your talents, whether it be through writing, drawing, singing, dancing, composing, performing, or photographing. While you strive to ever improve your work, you want to display it as soon as possible when your impatience kicks in. You want to be a prodigy but you might not have the means right at your fingertips. Trust me, do NOT move to New York to do it. Yeesh!



Quirks: Conformists bother you because of their lack of individuality. You're often late or unreliable. You're showy and refuse to share the spotlight. You only tell little white lies. You worm your way into the hearts of others, but be careful; some people despise the show-offs.



Factors: Surround yourself with activity and you'll always have material to work with. Involve friends and family in your projects so they don't feel like envious outsiders.



Future: Show business or not, you'll settle down happily if you're among those who appreciate your natural talents and desire to perform. Don't stay in one place too long, and don't be too hasty in defining your relationships. Who are you to judge what only time will tell?

Hogan was declaring a war against munchkins last night, so I am now at war with a 6'3" guy ... lol ... he's a foot taller than me. More than a foot actually. But I'm sure I'll kick his ass, I mean how could he possibly hurt someone as sweet and innocent as me? .: flutters eyelashes:. lol. Too bad he is soooooooo tall. Because he is really hot actually. Mmmmm. .:drools:.

I've had this window thing open for about an hour and I somehow neglected to write anything ... lol. I was planning to write stuff before but my Mum came home and demanded I go down to the shops with her and buy things. And so I did. I got a really comfy jumper type thingy from Smarty Pants and it's all purple and pretty and comfortable...



Nobody ever visits my journal. I feel all deprived and stuff. Bianca thinks it is funny because I have never eaten a pear. But I haven't. So therefore I am going to declare myself legally insane. I don't even think you can do that, but that's not the point ... duh. I am wearing a padded bra because it was the only one I could find and now my boobs look all huge and scary. Maybe I should attach pointy things to my bra and run around in the dark and poke people's eyes out. Now that would be interesting. My website is nearly finished. Well not really. But it's started, which is closer to finishing than not starting, right? Left. Up. Down. Diagonal. Ummm ... yeah. I am in a random mood today. I named one of my petz Random. Because I couldn't think of a better name. And I called another one Shift because of the shift button on my keyboard. I love my shift button. I worship it. It is my god. It allows me to write things in uppercase without pressing the caps lock button.



My friend's step sister doesn't know how to do her hair. This makes me happy because there is finally someone who has worse hair than me that I know. It makes me feel good about myself to look at ugly people. Not that she is ugly, but she doesn't know how to do her hair. Wait. I think I already said that. Go to my website and worship it. You know you want to.

And not only did I change the layout for this (the Zelda one I just kind of ... got over), I also completely changed around Meliaau. As in the website. Not me. Duh. And so, I am alive. I shall write a long long long entry later so that no-one will read it. Yay.

I haven't been at home by myself all week, so I haven't had time to update in here ... but now I am so I'm taking full advantage. My Dad rebuilt the whole computer today and decided not to tell me so I lost everything, and I've just started to re-download all the programs and stuff that he decided to get rid of. I also went into the middle of nowhere with Mum and looked at double beds ... w00t ... they're thinking of buying me one tomorrow ... now I feel special.

My friend just told me that *points to title* when I asked her what she did last night. Hmmm. I am officially scared. And lazy. I only woke up at 12:15pm, which is late for me since I went to bed about then which means I had 12 hours sleep. Hehe. I've been downloading heaps of songs because for some strange reason Kazaa is working heaps fast and it takes about ten minutes for me to download a song instead of 20 which is cool. Someone (not me) downloaded that annoying Kiss Kiss song by that chick from Neighbours and now it is stuck in my head. I am traumatized, have no money, and nothing to do. And now I am really, really bored.

This chick from my school is reading through all of my website, and this, right now. It's so weird ... I don't mind telling all the stuff I write down in here to total strangers, but to have her reading it and criticizing what I think makes me really want to punch her. She doesn't understand about like, communities ... how the people who I would expect to be reading this are like ... how they're like me. See, my friends ... they're not like me. Well not most of them anyway ... lmao. And now she can't read anymore because her computer is shit and well, that's good, because I don't want her reading my shit anymore. I think the only reason I actually have an online journal thing is for myself - I know, I want other people to read it, but I don't need them to read it - it's like my outlet for all the things I can't discuss with people at school or something ... I don't know.

I am finally at home by myself. I had Rock Eisteddfod on Friday - ohmygod! We came third. I was so happy, I was crying - started a habit I think - lol. I mean, we were so surprised. Of course, Mereci won because they're a private school and have lots of money but to come third was just so ... cool ... it made it feel like such an achievement and stuff and well, it was really good. Of course all day I had a certain someone trying to start trouble but I pretty much told them to fuck off and they did, which worked out well. Oh and I got hit on by a group of 14 year olds ... lol. It was so cute, they were all shy and stuff and I was just like ... okay ... it was embarrassing though and now my friends are claiming that I am going for the younger ones ... lmao.



As you might of noticed [points] I am now blessing you with Link. Link is cool. Zelda is cool. Zelda, Ocarina of Time is ultimately cool, and therefore here is Link. Please don't hurt him. I went to the movies today. Blah. I saw A Walk To Remember and jesus, please remind me not to do that again ... it was so bad ... (don't read the next bit if you haven't seen it and well, you want to, starting here) but I so knew she was going to die and stuff. (YOU CAN READ AGAIN NOW!) lol I am strange I know. And now I have two weeks off school in which I can do well, whatever I want. And thank fuck for that. Now I command you to leave me some comments or something so I no longer feel deprived.