Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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3:28 pm - talk to me... in your own language please.
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and again i say LIFE IS CRAZY.
i did something yesterday that i am sure i've told myself in the past that i would never do.... and i did it in a way i never even thought possible.
...
i'm very sad. i hate that i'm apart from the people that matter to me. usually when i post entries that say things like this, they're mainly about one person [and jesus christ[s], i mean you! think about it]. i wish we talked more. i fear i'm losing it [and by that, i partially mean your trust].
so, yeah. julia, shut up.
today
i slept through all of my classes. i didn't think that my body wanted that MUCH rest.
getting out of here, if only for a little while.
there are some people i'd love to fuck over, love to kill right now. and i never say that.
do - not - mess - with - my - friends.
current mood:  crazy
current music: someone down the hall is listening to Closer.
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Monday, November 29th, 2004
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9:29 am
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when i travel, my feet no longer meet with ground.
current mood: closer to disappearing.
current music: buzzing in ears.
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Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
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4:15 pm - sit beside my window and listen to the sirens.
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you represent a wall in between at least two different groups of people.
oh, fuck you and fuck you again.
["now that they're with him it almost seems as though it's us versus them."]
don't lie to me.
i have ways of finding things out.
current mood: sinister
current music: footsteps.
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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7:17 am
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i think my roommate killed my goldfish.
current mood: pissed off.
current music: Hell Hole - Spinal Tap
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Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
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4:48 pm - choose leisure wear and matching luggage.
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ah, ♥ my friends.
thank you for yesterday.
current mood: o-k.
current music: words in mind.
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Monday, November 15th, 2004
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7:54 am
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so,
so-and-so has been telling people back at my old high school [note: i'm in college] that my boyfriend and i are heroin addicts...... fuck that shit. and this has been going on for a few weeks, and no one told me..? hi, i have reputations, job references, friends and followers still at that school, and i'd like people to know that I AM NOT A HEROIN ADDICT. okay? okay!!
...in other news.
god damn. i lovelovelove the people that matter, but everything is so stressful lately. we really need to get out of here.. i know i could do a much better job making you all happy if given the right setting. let's just leave. [sarah and jack? this means you especially.] i'm so serious.
jesus, i need to start earning good money again. this life jus' sucks the cash right outta me [and my savings account].
i had a dream last night that metallica was performing at a mcdonald's for a crowd of little kids, batting around condom balloons and doing whippits [or however-tae-fuuuck you wanna spell that]. oh my.
time to study for my art exam that i'm totally unprepared for! ten minutes and counting! WOOHOO!
current mood: sarcastic
current music: Modest Mouse
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Monday, November 8th, 2004
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10:54 pm
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sometimes, i still want to kill you. i'm not really sure why.
current mood: repressed
current music: a mix of N.E.R.D. and Dave Matthews [do NOT ask].
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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
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7:06 am
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wow, wow wow this sucks.
fucking.. issue one; bush?!
now we have to wait... and all because of OHIO? jesus christ.
current mood:  scared
current music: House of the Rising Sun
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Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
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1:23 pm
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i don't know how well the colors show up on this for everyone else [they always look damn washed-out on my laptop, no matter what i do] but this is my shirt today. "kerry rocks." so yea.. vote if you haven't already, blahblahblah. :D
current mood:  tired
current music: phone ringing.
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Sunday, October 31st, 2004
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8:58 pm - this post has absolutely no purpose whatsoever.
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gee, sitting here in my dorm room, even though it's halloween. julia has an exciting life. :(
current mood: tired
current music: some halloween thing Erica has on...
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Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
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9:30 pm - .
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jesus christ, i could just kill. . . .
i really wish i had my paints. my colored pencils, at least. something to leave marks other than blood; julia's painted her fair share of canvases in blood [and doesn't need to be doing that anymore].
a camera, at least? FUCKING SOMETHING.
...
tomorrow i'm going out and buying some paints/pencils/whatever-the-fuck-else i feel like.. it's a waste of money when i have a perfectly-good-everything laying back at the house, but i need these things here, where i'm away...
current mood:  restless
current music: Too High - DMB [of Erica's choosing].
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Monday, October 25th, 2004
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8:24 pm
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i saw michael moore last night. [live.] gotta love free tickets.
mhm.
unrelated. . . . i feel like breaking things. i do not feel sad or angry, i just feel restless and destructive. if i was not so paranoid or lazy, i would go out and try to "fuck some shit up." [mainly myself] . . . :\ oh, what have i been reduced to...? i keep seeing my arm broken in my head; i keep imagining the bone fractured and poking through the flesh and then i realize i'm gritting my teeth so hard that it hurts.
current mood: nervous.
current music: maybe. she thinks. i know. something.
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Friday, October 22nd, 2004
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12:42 pm - DIGGING DITCHES; CLEANING FISHES
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today, i feel punchy! like killing something!
AND i am indeed wearing a black pinstripe business suit.
these are two very unrelated things. i think.
IN OTHER NEWS:
*i think i'm feeling generally better. i don't mean to make people worry about me. i will stop. my boy advises that i should not put certain things in my journal for the good of everyone, if not for legal security. i think that he is probably right. i'm a fairly open person if you know the right buttons to push and questions to ask, but i had never seen this as a terribly bad thing....
*all the people that have been trying to contact me lately, this message goes out to you: I TRIED TO CALL YOU LAST NIGHT. a; i left you a message, e; i left you a message, and b/l/eb/?: your phone never stopped ringing. [???]
it is official, i hate verizon's service in kent.
i am incredibly emotionally unattached to this entry, it will probably be deleted soon. enjoy it while you still can!
current mood: manic
current music: . . . hummm - refrigerator.
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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
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12:53 pm - choose life... but why would i want to do a thing like that?
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and again i say:
FUCK HEROIN. FUCK HEROIN. FUCK HEROIN.
fuck oxycontin. FUCK oxycontin. FUCK OXYCONTIN.
fuck opiates. FUCK YOU FOR FUCKING WITH ME AND MY FRIENDS.
overuse of the word "fuck," i know.. but.. you know...
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Sing Sing Death House CD - The Distillers
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Monday, September 20th, 2004
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12:25 pm - when my hearrrrrt slowwws downnnnnn...
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i am a guilty party.
i am no angel.
but:
i am sick of conspiracy,
i am sick of manipulation,
i am sick of "friends" that aren't friends,
i am sick of things that are unfriendly.
i am sick of being jaded; turning the blind eye. so now..
i am scared.
yea, this comes with tha territory. fuck you.
i'd like to be around for tomorrow...... and i'd like you to be there with me.
current mood: clearer thru bloodshot eyes..
current music: ...
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Sunday, September 19th, 2004
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10:56 pm
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by the way, i met this crazy kid.. lives in a fucking mansion built 100 years ago, out in the middle of nowhere.
the lower story of his house is bigger than all of the rooms in my entire house [upstairs, downstairs, basement] put together.. all dark wood everywhere, stone fireplaces in every room, gigantic amounts of space.. and fucking nothing in any of the rooms. he's lived there by himself for a few years because he has a shitty dad.. i'd go fucking crazy. i'd go fucking crazy. i'd go fucking crazy.. i wonder how many people have thought of killing themselves there. . . even his dog jumped out of a second story window. . . what a place to get fucked up. . .
current mood: "one depressed motherfucker."
current music: . . . alert, alert.
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10:50 pm - sometimes i w o r r y . . .
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no-more-heroin-no-more-heroin-no-more-heroin-NO-MORE-HEROIN.
NO MORE HEROIN.
please?
current mood: sick as fuck.
current music: Ludacris [oddly enough].
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Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
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11:44 pm - in heaven, everything is fine.
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goddamn. life is crazy.
i guess i'm alive.
i can't decide what to fuck up next. . .
current mood: lockjaw
current music: 20GOTO10 // travelogue
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Monday, July 5th, 2004
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1:33 am - SON OF DAVID'S FATHER!
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it makes it rather hard to talk, think, type. jack likes to eat buckeye biscuits. vampire biscuits! hah!
the fireworks were alright, but it was just a thing to the side of the main attraction, whatever that might be. las vegas? who knows. i was in a safe place, but i felt uneasy because i wanted everyone to be happy. maybe i'm not as altruistic as i sound; i wanted everyone to be happy so i would not feel uneasy. who knows. all i know is that i dislike miller high life, you and your forties and glazed over eyes. fuck you and your employment dance, fuck you and your cookie dance! i'm just kidding. there are times when i feel as though you're the one that understands my confusion.
there was a bull, named jack, and he was slain.
spam is the name for unwanted email.
that is all. i bid you, adieu.
current mood: 4th-of-july-d
current music: ...
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Thursday, July 1st, 2004
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2:09 am - YOU SPIN ME RIGHT 'ROUND.
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m, tired.
my stock of [alternative] entertainment grows larger daily.
there's nothing really to do in this town, i need to get some money together with friends and buy the RED PEPPER, ok? anyone want to be part of a business venture?
to jack: i'm sorry for the uninteresting day. i ♥ you, even though i'm a boring girl that likes playing heroes of might and magic. sorry.
ps: a while ago, i turned 18. m.
current mood: watch out, here i come.
current music: hummmm.
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