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Thursday, May 30th, 2002
9:50 pm


What Jelly Belly flavor are you? I'm -








Find your flavor here!






So it's obvious...once again I come home from being at Bryen's and Lycee's in another of her "moods". She claims it's cause she didn't sleep well and had nightmares..Yeah right. It's cause she's jealous...It's really blatant when she asks me oh so nonchalantly "am I like a bother or something? is that why you're going over there all the time now?" She's mad at me for it...sigh..this isn't good. We had a pretty good day, although half the time was spent laughing at stupid stuff like usual. We watched some Bill Maher comedy routine and part of Six Feet Under, which I've never seen but have wanted to. Sadly, we got interrupted in the middle cause his parents wanted to hurry up and take me home, so till next time I suppose..how awkward to be in the car with people who've just argued..bleh. He'll be busy the rest of the week so I don't know when we'll see each other again..oh well.

So..I have to work tomorrow. That's bad. I hate working..especially THERE. Must. Get. New. Job. Soon.

It's way too hot again. If not for my trusty fan, I'd burn away in my sleep. Er..melt away I suppose. Whatever, it's icky. I got Ivy's package all ready to mail..since I wasn't home all day, I couldn't go to the post office, BUT Tuesday I'm off...so that'll be enough time to find tape to tape it together and for me to get money to pay for postage..Mwahahahah..I really hope she likes it. Gwahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah.

Ok, off to bid on Ebay.


Twahahahahahhaahha


current mood: blank
current music: Soundgarden - Outshined

(everybodies doing it)

Wednesday, May 29th, 2002
10:11 pm
Bryen is coming over tomorrow. Lycee'll be at work..so that means it'll be a bit awkward, but hopefully we'll get things done. Some things at least. Not sure if I'll be going to HIS house or if he's coming over here..ah well.


So..Today was pointless and dumb like usual. Incredibly hot here, I hate the weather. Summer is going to be hell literally.

I'm reading The Vampire Armand..it's just not the same..I don't even really care to read it..but I will...I suppose.

Went to the gym today..hated it cause it's way too crowded and people were being greedy with the machines..fuckers.

And..that's about it. How fun. Bleh.

Go sleep now.

current mood: bored
current music: Marilyn Manson - Tainted Love

(everybodies doing it)

Tuesday, May 28th, 2002
9:43 pm
I got my Tori Amos autographed photo today. I now have all the people on my wish list..(with the obvious exception of Marilyn...)


Yay!

current mood: accomplished

(everybodies doing it)

7:52 pm


Which ROSE are you?



woooo!!




You are a dreamer. Constantly filling your mind with fantasies, you withdraw inside yourself in order to experience these more clearly. You dislike people and the distractions they cause. You are eccentric and lack a firm grasp on reality. You experience a wide range of emotions, and can often times be dangerous to yourself and others. You need to focus more on the real world.

Your song is: Solitary Shell

Which degree of inner turbulence are you?


mwahahahahahaha

(everybodies doing it)

Saturday, May 25th, 2002
10:10 pm




because i thought this picture was pretty, laura of mewing.net told me this: "you are a deranged, demented individual who enjoys storing corpses in your freezer, next to hungry-man tv dinners and minute made orange juice. you were most likely tied to a pole and treated like a dog from the ages of three to six. you went to the high school prom with your cousin, who forgot to buy you a corsage, and who hit on your math teacher. you often drink your own blood. occasionally, you play a mean game of tennis and/or backgammon, and it is true that you are a lefty and your preferred drink is budlite."
whatever will laura tell you??



god..it's so true..

(everybodies doing it)

7:06 pm
I'm just mad. Very very angry. I hate, hate, hate, hate, things.


Ok..I feel better now. For some stupid unknown reason, I'm jealous of the fact that Lycee got herself a bike. Maybe because my parents are actually being lenient towards her going out by herself with it? I don't know..all I know is she's gone right now to the beauty supply store and my dad actually let her..it's like 3 miles away..Maybe that's not much..but for us..by ourselves..on a bike? I don't know. So I'm kinda being bitchy to her about random stuff and she gets mad at me and said "You stayed out all night, why can't I?" Implying my staying over at Bryen's till 11. She's telling me I'm jealous of her, true..but she's obviously jealous of me too. OH what childish drama.

So Bryen was supposed to come over today. He couldn't. He's at his uncle's house..and I don't know when he'll come over again.. My mom invited him on Monday to our barbecue, but I don't think he'll come. You know, that's very odd. Richard was always the one to come over on those kind of days, but I don't want him to this time..I'd rather have Bryen..ooooh, how bad I am. Who cares.

So Josh's show at the Whiskey went really great according to him. Sigh. I hate him and his fucking band. Why can't people like him get what he deserves? He doesn't deserve success! He deserves hearthache and loss! Misery! GRAH!





you're girl, interrupted. you're fun and friendly, and just a little bit crazy.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz


The Vague But Nice Quiz by blusteryvirgin



current mood: pissed off
current music: Milla Jovovich - One

(everybodies doing it)

Friday, May 24th, 2002
7:34 pm
Yesterday I went to Bryen's house. I was there for about...8 hours..what did we accomplish? Hardly anything..NOTHING actually. What were we doing? Haha..nothing. Talking actually..the problem is, he's too damn easy to talk to..I feel like I can be so completly honest and open with him..and he must feel the same way, cause he spilled lots of personal stuff to me..I know he told Lycee these things too, but still..to ME? He never talked to me at school that much. I guess that's a good thing..with Josh, I couldn't talk to him without feeling..stupid or something..with Bryen, I can pretty much be myself and not have to worry about looking dumb...and that feels so much better. So what if we don't get a million things done right away? We don't even have reliable transportation..I'd be really embarassed if we had a club gig and couldn't make it cause we have no rides..hehehe.

Oh..and uh..since I know that Lycee won't read this..

I also asked him did he or did he not like Lycee...and I was very shocked by the answer..he said he thinks she's very pretty and he's definetly attracted to her..but..(that dreaded BUT) he 1. doesn't want to fuck up their friendship..2..doesn't want to fuck up the band thing (Which if they broke up badly, this would most surely happen..) and 3..the most important to him..he doesn't feel like they have much in common, he doesn't want another girlfriend with a tragic past to whom he constantly feels bad for..and he also thinks Lycee is on a completely different level than him..sigh..I don't know what to do. I can't tell her this..it'll hurt her too much..even though she says she can take it..even though she'll claim it won't matter..it will. Lycee's never really been rejected before..so that's that. I guess I'll just keep telling her to just relax and not hope for anything so she won't get disappointed..just go very very slow..grah..this sucks.

It doesn't help that I like him either. Sigh. Oh well. At least I've always had the "it'll never happen" outlook on things..so I can't possibly get disappointed..I've already accepted the rejection.

I got Luna Child's demo cd today. I laughed my ass off. They fucking ruined one of the best songs they had..there's NO bass at all, which makes it sound hollow and tinny, and one of the tracks doesn't even work. And it's made by a studio? It looked SO cheap and it didn't even sound "polished". It was horrible! Perhaps it's just my resentment speaking here, but good god..I'm glad I'm not in that band!

Work sucks so much. I need a new job. I need to get out of there. Richard now makes more than me. He's worked at his work for like 5 months..I've been working 9 months. He's gotten like 4 raises..me? ONE. Fucking one. This isn't going to be much longer I hope..and I need a fucking car. My dad has been released from Worker's Comp..meaning soon, very soon, he's going to be going to training for a new job..which means my ride situation is desperate..Oh sure, everybody at work is willing to pick me up and take me home, woopie..but..what about me wanting to do other things? I'll never be able to..not with my mom working 2 jobs and my dad being an asshole about things whenever he chooses. The solution? GET A CAR. Not that simple..not when I hardly have any money saved and I have to do it all by myself and still be able to pay for my highly expensive insurance. Just kill me please. Put me out of this misery. It's not worth it.

Oh..another thing. Bryen gets to go the the Garbage show for FREE. He also gets to go backstage in the fucking PRIVATE party. Why?? WHY?? Because that's his job..he knows people..he's a guitar tech and has the connections...so..I begged him to take me with him..problem is..he MIGHT be able to get 2 tickets, but not 3..and who'll want to go too? Lycee of course..I don't blame her..but sigh..neither of us will get to go.

current mood: depressed
current music: Garbage - Soldier Through This

(everybodies doing it)

Thursday, May 23rd, 2002
10:22 am
my mind is being torn apart by perpetual infatuation. it's not letting me think straight or do things properly..the worst part is i'm not the only one. what do i do? let it eat me up? confront it? i can't, it'll make things worse. i can only sit here and mope about it, depress over it, make excuses for it..doesn't even matter really, it's not going to happen..nothing ever does, does it? it doesn't seem like it ever will. I refuse to go through life doing this..it's making me feel horrible..and it just goes on..and on...and on...

(everybodies doing it)

Saturday, May 18th, 2002
7:00 pm
oh, I finally got the QotD presskit! woop woop woot!

(everybodies doing it)

6:42 pm
I changed my background...go look! It's fun!

(everybodies doing it)

6:31 pm
Stolen from glitterxburned


15 Years Ago, I:
1. was 4 years old.
2. had a comfortable life.
3. don't remember much..
4. went to ballet and tap classes.
5. was in beauty contests (blech!)

10 Years Ago, I:
1. was 9 years old.
2. was in 4th grade.
3. met Lycee.
4. got harassed by this boy that liked me...
5. played the flute.

5 Years Ago, I:
1. was 14 years old.
2. was a freshman in high school.
3. continued thinking I was "goth"..wore horrible clothes.
4. ditched P.E. so much I failed it.
5. started drama class.

2 Years Ago, I:
1. was 17 years old.
2. got my driver's permit for the 3rd time.
3. gradutated high school.
4. got a job at Blockbuster, then at the flower shop.
5. lived with my nana and papa...I knew hell.

1 Year Ago, I:
1. was 18 years old.
2. got my license..still waiting for that car.
3. finally moved into another house with my parents and Lycee.
4. met Josh, got in a band, then got kicked out...fucking pricks.
5. Nothing happens anymore.

Yesterday, I:
1. went to work.
2. had Richard come over.
3. watched Memento again.
4. bought The Others and Bio-Dome on dvd.
5. got concerned with Lycee being depressed.

Today, I:
1. went to work.
2. took this survey thingy.
3. stole a bouquet of flowers from work.
4. ate some yogurt.
5. will sleep soon.

Tomorrow, I:
1. will sleep in.
2. will have Richard come over.
3. wish Bryen would come over instead.
4. will probably waste the day.
5. will NOT look forward to work the next day.

Five Snacks I Enjoy:
1. green olives.
2. pretzels.
3. soda.
4. beef jerky.
5. cheese.

Five Songs I Know All the Words To, Even Without the Music:
1. I don't really pay attention to words...
2.
3.
4.
5.

Five Games I Like:
1. Um..don't really play games much anymore..
2. card games?
3. Uno
4.
5.

Five Things I Would Buy With $1000:
1. I'd use it towards a car and bills.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Top Five Musicians Lately (or Last 5 CDs in the CD Player):
1. abandoned pools
2. QotD soundtrack
3. garbage
4. air
5. my own mix of pumpkins stuff.

Five Bad Habits I Have:
1. I eat when I'm bored.
2. I bite my nails.
3. I put myself before everyone else all the time.
4. I like to be feared.
5. I'm selfish.

Five Things I Would Never Wear:
1. flannels
2. turtlenecks.
3. strappy high heels.
4. animal print stuff.
5. spandex or latex.

Five TV Shows I Like:
1. X-Files
2. Simpsons
3. Gameshows.
4. Dark angel.
5. bleh..tv?

Five Places I've Lived:
1. Upland, Ca
2. Pomona, Ca
3. Ontario, Ca
4. ----
5. ----

My Top Five Biggest Worries at the Moment:
1. Bryen and what he's doing to Lycee.
2. I need a car. NOW.
3. Not going anywhere in life...college, where are you?
4.
5.

My Top Five Biggest Joys at the Moment:
1. Music.
2. Air conditioning.
3. beef jerky.
4. movies.
5.



So Bryen came over wed and thursday. at first it was awkward...especially since lycee wasn't here most of the time on the days. but eventually it passed..he gave me a cool pumpkins poster..not to mention he fixed my bass and gave me new strings...now i'm worried though...is lycee slightly jealous of the fact that bryen and i get along good? in school it was always HER talking to him, never me...i never paid much attention to him...add the poisonious fact that i liked him just as much as she did but she never really knew...but when she said outloud she liked him, then i backed off..hahaha, i say backed off..like i even stepped up..anyways..i really hope this doesn't go badly..it feels like it might..sigh..

oh..we figured out a total of 3 parts to songs for a total of um...i would say 16 hours..hahahahahaha..not very good huh? oh well...

we bought the others, from hell, bio-dome, donnie brasco, and practical magic on dvd yesterday. woop woop. i got my marilyn dvd's today..woot woot. i'm done.

sigh..

current mood: worried

(everybodies doing it)

Friday, May 17th, 2002
10:51 pm
Hedwig and the Angry Itch

Starring..I have no idea. Guys that wear makeup and a fucking GIRL with a beard. YES. I swear to fucking god that's a GIRL!. Ahem. 3 words for this movie. WHAT THE FUCK? Ivy...please....please explain this movie to me, you *must* understand it..you're obsessed with it! Ok, I get it that we're watching like..his life story unfold through his music (which isn't horrible, thank god..) I get the whole being screwed over by that icky boy everybody likes, but..what's with that girl with a beard???? And..the rest of the movie??? And the ending?????? WHAT'S WITH THAT FUCKED UP ENDING???

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Cecil B. Demented: "Do you see the PAIN you're causing me?!?!?!"

(2 thoughtless thoughts | everybodies doing it)

Tuesday, May 14th, 2002
6:15 pm
Oh..almost forgot..

Unfaithful

Starring..Richard Gere and um...that woman...and some French guy. The ending sucks...period. So if you're a fan of good endings, don't see this one. If only that French guy had a better looking face...then yum...but alas..he's funny looking. Nice body though. Ok, so it's about a woman who seems happily married and has a steamy affair with a French guy..and what happens cause of it. Well..I'll tell you one thing..I didn't expect what happened to happen..The movie makes you think one way and then turns it around...but oh my! The sex scenes! Very interesting...I'm thinking 8 1/2 weeks and Sliver all over again. So yep. That's it.

(1 thoughtless thought | everybodies doing it)

5:01 pm
I am here. I am alive.

I have lived through Mother's Week. It is over. I can rest now. I have 2 days off in a row...it's peaceful. I have a fan now so maybe I can get some good night's sleep...it's way too hot here...in the upper 90's. Bleh. Make it go away!! Rain, rain, come HERE!

On a bad note, my check didn't get direct deposited like it was supposed to...it went to the wrong bank account..so I still haven't gotten paid...supposedly, they're going to have a driver bring me my check in the morning..we'll see..

On a good note, I got my Milla Jovovich signed photo yesterday! Yayay! It's so perty! I'm happy...

Oh, and I bought the Qotd press kit from someone..it hasn't arrived yet..but I'm waiting...gwahahahahaha.

So tired..I should go to sleep..my Ivy isn't on..where are you my Ivy? I miss you raping me...

current mood: peaceful

(everybodies doing it)

4:55 pm


Click Here To Find Out Which Symbol You Are




(everybodies doing it)

Thursday, May 9th, 2002
7:36 pm
This guy Scott at work likes me..It's painfully obvious..He's nice..but..It's just not mutual. Today he asked me if I wanted a ride home..he literally lives on the next street from me..I told him no, it was ok, my dad was coming to get me and it would be impossible to change plans since he would be at therapy from 4 on. Then he looked at the clock and was like..well..it's only 3..maybe you could catch him? It just took me off guard and very persistant so I was like..Fine.

So all the way, he's making pointless conversation..trying to get to know me better I can tell. I really hope he doesn't think just because I accepted one ride he can now offer every time? And that I was coming on to him as well? Just a stupid ride home? Arg! How can I let him know NICELY that I'm not interested? Lycee suggested saying that it wouldn't be fair to him to go out with him because I'm interested in someone else already...good enough? I really hate situations like this. I'm always bitching and complaining on how it would be nice to go out with someone..but..damnit! This someone is just NOT FOR ME. He's 26 for one thing..I think that might be pushing it for me...I'm not even 20 yet. Bleh.

Help.

In other news...

We've recently been talking to an old school friend Bryen...he's the one that Lycee was interested in, and him in her..but it never happened..oh and he's pretty hot. (See, why can't they ever like me? NOT FAIR.) Anyway, he used to have a band called Angel Abyss..but it's since died..and now he's touring with other bands being a guitar tech and roadie. Cool huh? Well, he asked me if I'd like to form a band with him and 2 of his friends..hmmmm...I've done this whole band thing before with one of Lycee's love interests and it failed miserably..Maybe cause he's of legal age unlike Josh it'll work? Who knows..Lycee likes the idea..maybe it could work..but I'm so critical and can't do stuff under pressure..How am I supposed to "jam" with them, when I don't feel good enough to? Lycee thinks I'm good...of course I don't.

Bleh!

Work was long..it's been a long week. The week is continuing. Kill me.

current mood: distressed

(everybodies doing it)

7:14 pm

You Are A Changeling
Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

(everybodies doing it)

Tuesday, May 7th, 2002
10:09 pm
woo! I just saw naked butt on tv!! And it's not cable! WOOP. NAKED BUTT!!!

(everybodies doing it)

9:55 pm
I sent away for a free Abandoned Pools button and sticker the other day and it came! Woop woop! It's fun..and as a bonus they also gave me the nifty Kidneytheives sticker!! So that was extra fun! WOOP WOOP!. Oh and two other bands..but who cares about them?

Yesterday, I got my Tori shirt that I ordered from artistdirect.com...I think I got a printing mistake on mine..I could've sworn it was supposed to say Tori Amos on the back in a kind of up and down lettering..but nothing's on the back...what the fuck? Oh well...I guess I'll check online later on and see if that's the right way.

Today I tried calling in sick...it didn't work. Instead, Diane got pissed at me and gave me a lecture on how everybody needs to come in regardless on how they feel since it's Mother's Week. Fuck Mother's Week and fuck her. I ended up going in anyways..BUT..I went in when I FELT like it..not 8am, but 11:30! So ha ha ha! And luckily, I got to go to the Pomona store where I thought I could rest a bit..but ended up staying there a half hour longer than usual..grah..stupid holiday. You know..it wasn't even Mother's Day orders..it was like normal stuff..We weren't supposed to take any prom corsages for the weekend cause we were so backed up..but they didn't say ANYTHING about Mother's Day corsages..so I kept taking them..and then they got pissed at me..and then when a lady came in with a $500 funeral order and wanted 5 corsages for Mother's Day, was I supposed to say No? I took them anyways...I mean, come on..the lady just paid 500 fucking bucks for flowers..they can make her fucking corsages...I still got bitched at..what the hell? Isn't a job supposed to make money? Do businesses usually refuse customers? GRAH! Idiots...if they can't handle the work load, they shoul've hired more people..but noooo...letting some "normal" person in the "elite" bunch of old flower designers? Gasp! That's unheard of! Fucking prissy ass whores.

My mom finally took a day off today..it's been...like...2 months working 2 jobs every day..no days off. She damn well deserved it...but of course she didn't relax any..she spent all day trying to kill our gopher in our garden...oh well..gives her something to do.

Lycee still isn't home...So I'm writing this offline since I can't tie up the phone. I really, really, REALLY want dsl. Lycee says once her credit card bill is paid, maybe we should go in half on it..yeah, perhaps..it'd be nice. No more bitching from my nana and papa on "What if there's an emergency??!?" Bleh. Go retire already.

Ivy, since I might forget to tell you..My parents seriously want you to come out HERE. Why couldn't you this summer? It would be a hell of lot easier for one plane ticket out here then for me AND Lycee to go out there...plus, we can go crazy doing stupid stuff in sunny CA! It'll be fun! If your parents say no, simply stab them in the eye.

Lycee says I'm addicted to the internet..Yes...so?

And now since I'm bored and have no life whatsoever...I have compiled a list of actors that have since dropped off the face of the earth..feel free to add or give me a reason why they aren't dead....

Demi Moore
Micheal Keaton
Kurt Russell
Goldie Hawn
Sly Stallone
Skeet Ulrich
Eddie Furlong
Andrew Keegan
Alicia Silverstone
Matthew Broderick
Doogie Howser guy
Pauly Shore
Patrick Swayze
Ralph Macchio
Scott Baio
Tom Selleck
Burt Reynolds
Scott Bakula
Bob Saget
John Stamos
Jamie Lee Curtis
Linda Blair
Woody Harrelson
Christopher Lloyd
Joe Pesci
Danny Glover
John Ritter
Macauley Culkin
Howie Mandell
Stephen Baldwin
Jonathan Davis
Chuck Norris
Daniel Stern
Catherine O'Hara
Luke Perry
Jason Priestley
Lou Diamond Phillips
Jason Scott Lee
Chris O'Donald

anyone else? I'm sure there's tons..Sorry if I've misspelled. Sue me.

I've decided to convert all my bmp's into gif's. I wonder if that's a bad thing? I don't see why it would be..I mean gif's are smaller and seem to be the only format I can use on here...Wow..I'm really bored..

I just went outside to help my mom plant some plants. How nifty and fun that was. We had "bonding" time. I remember years ago when my mom hardly ever smiled and enjoyed herself..it was a bad time...but now things have gotten a little better and we actually talk..maybe not about everything, there's some things she's never felt comfortable about talking with me, but at least something. It's nice. Too bad my dad is an annoying jerk half the time..but when he's nice, he can be really sweet.

I suggested to Lycee about buying tickets for Garbage..I do want to go..but with lack of money and no ride there it's next to impossible...I was saying how since we rarely ever go to concerts, why don't we just splurge and buy pit tickets for each show? We literally go to concerts maybe once a year IF that...so why not? We'll see..it won't happen..but we'll see anyways..

current mood: hopeful

(5 thoughtless thoughts | everybodies doing it)

Monday, May 6th, 2002
8:41 pm




Test, test?

well that's reassuring...and I was going to go whatever it told me to..





take the "what's my fault" quiz.

(and then browse around mewing.net. because laura is cool.)


Mwahahahahha


Lillian Gish
Take the which Silent Starlet are you quiz!


YES!! And I didn't even cheat!! wooooo!!!!!

So we went to dinner..woop woop 2 POUNDS of crab down the hatch. I'm such a pig..gwahahahahaha..And so today has started the week of hell. It wasn't horrible today..but I found out that on Friday I must work at the Ontario store..THUS working a 10 hour day when originally I thought it would be a peaceful day in Pomona working a normal non-hectic 8 hour day. Fuck. Fuck. Piss. Shit.

And..I'm spent.


current mood: listless
current music: Abandoned Pools - Fluorescein

(everybodies doing it)


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