The kid's flick is about a villain named Gru (voiced by Steven Carell), who was once great but is now being outdone by a new bad guy on the block named Vector (voiced by my boyfriend Jason Segel). Gru has to figure out a way to get back in the game—Vector has more money, better weapons, and youth on his side. Gru has a bunch of great ideas, but no money to fund them. He also has stupid minions that look like little yellow Tic Tacs and are about as smart as Jessica Simpson. Gru is doomed. Groomed. Whatever. Anyway. In order to get into enemy territory, Gru decides to adopt three little girls from an adoption agency that's run by a horrible, pudgy woman, and those girls are inadvertently used to help Gru trick Vector.
All the while, the girls (who are clueless about the fact they're being used as pawns) are just stoked someone loves them and (reluctantly) reads them bedtime stories.
Of course along the way Gru's hardened heart warms up to his new daughters. In the beginning he barely batted an eyelash when their lives were threatened by his hardcore villain lifestyle—but their adorable though constant prodding to come to dance recitals and give them hugs eventually turns him into a big, kitten finger-puppet playing softy. OF COURSE. Because it's a kids movie.
It's not brilliant, but it is cute, it's charming, it's more clever than that bullshit like Bratz or whatever the fuck it's called. In fact, it was a lot like Mad's Spy vs. Spy comic except, you know, appropriate for five-year-olds.
At the end of Spain/Dutch match (a match that found me on the side of the Dutch because a world without that country would be a world without the 17th century philosopher Spinoza—and the story behind Spinoza's life in Amsterdam is that of the fall of Spain and the rise of the Netherlands), the ABC/ESPN announcer Chris Fowler closed the broadcast with praises to South Africa for successfully hosting a near-hitchless, global extravaganza and to Africa as a whole for being the home of humankind:
...You will not come away from this country without being moved and inspired and changed if you open your heart to it because after all, as human beings, if you go back far enough to our roots, we are all Africans.How on earth could creationists be happy with these closing words? Nowhere in the Bible does it say exactly what our DNA says. And what are we? "We are African apes."
How the fuck does 20th Century Fox "buy the rights to [Colton Harris-Moore's] untold story[?]" That shit is absurd.
FINAL SCORE: Spain, 1-0.
LIVESLOG HIGHLIGHTS:
11:07, Sean Nelson, Emeritus: Winner gets the host country's coffee and diamond rights for the next 100 years.11:44, Fnarf: The Dutch make excellent ovens, too, I hear.
11:44 Fnarf: I'm working on the perfect vuvuzela joke but it's not quite ready yet.
11:46, Sean Nelson, Emeritus: The answer, my friend, is blowing in the vuvuzela
11:52, JenV: What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup Final? The referee.
12:16, Fnarf: The announcer just developed a Scottish accent during the excitement.
1:02, Sean Nelson, Emeritus: Spain wins the award for tiniest players
1:12, Jonathan Golob: Someone at Summit Pub house has a vuvuzela. Most entertaining thing thus far.
1:19 Sean Nelson, Emeritus: The Stranger will buy a shot of Goldschlager for whoever scores a goal in this match.
[After 90 minutes, still no score. We're going into extra time.]
[At the 109th minute, Netherlands gets a red card on a bullshit call.]
1:55, Sean Nelson, Emeritus: SPAIN SPAIN SPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAINSPAIN SPAIN
[Andrés Iniesta scores for Spain. Score is 1-0. Wesley Sneijder will be inconsolable tonight. I can't wait!]
1:59, Fnarf: Iniesta is the ugliest player in football, but that was a great moment. He looks like an uncooked loaf of bread.
[Whistle blows. Spain wins the World Cup for the first time in history.]
Theater
Kate Whoriskey, successor to Bart Sher as artistic director of Intiman Theatre, made her bones as a Major American Director™ with Ruined, a play set in a brothel in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Playwright Lynn Nottage (Intimate Apparel) wrote Ruined, but Whoriskey spent years helping her develop it. They conducted research in Uganda, tried out the play in Chicago and New York, and won all kinds of awards: an Obie, a Drama Desk, a Pulitzer. Now Whoriskey is bringing her shiniest achievement—based loosely on Mother Courage, Bertolt Brecht's wartime amorality play—to her new city. (Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, www .intiman.org. 2 and 7:30 pm, $10–$50.)
BRENDAN KILEYLegalize marijuana—and tax it and regulate it—and there won't be a market for synthetic marijuana.
Janée Baugher reads at Elliott Bay Book Company. Coördinates of Yes is a collection of poems about a six-week European vacation in particular, and also about the act of traveling in general. It's from a small press, and maybe you should give it a shot after sunbathing in Cal Anderson park for a little while. Why not?
The full readings calendar, including the next week or so, is here. And if you're planning on staying in and you're looking for personalized book recommendations, feel free to tell me the books you like and ask me what to read next over at Questionland.
What's yours?
Via: NPR
Colton Harris-Moore was arrested before dawn in northern Eleuthera, said Sgt. Chrislyn Skippings, a spokeswoman for the Royal Bahamas Police Force. A contingent of high-ranking officers traveled to the island to take the suspect to Nassau, the country's capital, where he faces possible extradition to the United States.Island police had been searching for the wily 19-year-old thief since he allegedly crash-landed a stolen plane a week ago on nearby Great Abaco Island, where he was blamed for a string of at least seven break-ins.
Authorities caught Harris-Moore as he attempted to dock a boat at Harbour Island, a small tourist destination just off mainland Eleuthera, said a senior police official who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the case. He said authorities had been watching the coastlines overnight.
What will become of this saga now? Will Harris-Moore be extradited? Will he spend a long time in jail? Will he get a lucrative book deal?
UPDATE: I swear I looked at the Morning News and didn't see this item on it (I think there was an update while I was building this). It really deserves its own post anyway.
"When Armed Animals Enter Interpersonal Wars, What Kind of World Will We Face?" A Chinese journalist claims that Taliban forces are training monkey jihadists to kill Americans. What kind of world, indeed.
It's as if He Has Access to a Vast Database of Searchable Knowledge: Law enforcement, cyber-security experts speculate on how the Barefoot Bandit manages to elude police in every jurisdiction he enters.
The End of Synthetic Fun: States start to crack down on the sale of K2, an incense sold at gas stations that reportedly gives those who smoke it a marijuana-like high (and unlike marijuana occasionally induces vomiting, racing pulses, and hallucinations).
Can You Legally Barbecue on the Sidewalk or in a Seattle Alley? No.
Castro Smiles, Blows Kisses to Cuban Workers: So I guess he's still alive.
Disgruntled Scientists Target Obama Complain that he's no better than Bush when it comes to putting politics before science—including fighting the gulf oil spill with potentially toxic chemicals without first exploring their effects, and in the Northwest, downplaying the damage dams do to salmon populations and the effects of overgrazing cattle on federal lands.
Get Your Robot Arms Off Me: BP uncaps deep-water oil well with robotic submarines; oil gets everywhere. Again. In the best of all possible worlds, the new, tighter cap they put on will capture essentially all of the well's leaking oil.
Can We Train the Monkeys to Do This? Over 27,000 abandoned oil and gas wells are sitting in the Gulf of Mexico and nobody is checking to see if they're leaking.
Barefoot Bandit Caught! Bahamanian police say they arrested the Bandit early Sunday morning on the northern island of Eleuthera. (hat tip Jesse)
Match starts at 11:30 am. Your distinguished panelists will include the star of stage, screen, and radio Sean Nelson; the beguiling Abby Waysdorf; and the immortal Fnarf. We will be watching from Gordon Biersch, where the World Cup final is being shown in 3D.*
Although who needs 3D when you have us? Join us at your peril.
* It is also being shown in 3D at Sport Restaurant under the Space Needle and Murphy's Pub in Wallingford. Here's a full list of places showing the World Cup.
Maybe posting photos of the great oil catastrophe is becoming redundant and overly depressing. But since Slog has posted photos by Zoe Strauss before, here's a look at the Gulf through her eyes:
Dear Friends,I'm coming back from the Gulf with some terrible news. Yesterday and today I was in Waveland, Mississippi and the oiling wasn't just on the beach, it's already moved inland into the wetlands. The oil on the beach and in the water is beyond what I could have imagined. I think this disaster is going to destroy the Southern US Gulf region, it's going to kill the wetlands. God knows I hope I'm completely wrong about that, but from what I saw I can't see how they can be saved.
I've got a lot to sort out and I just started to save the photos. I hope to have some more posted by Monday with a much longer update.
I've got to sort out the "art" from the "journalist" possibilities, I'm pretty sure 3 or 4 of these photos are important to show as a straightforward recording of what's happening there. But to be honest, the scope of what's happened is impossible to articulate, in words or photos.
With Love,
ZS
More photos—of non-Gulf people and places—by Strauss here.
If you see something, say something.
Imaginary Radio
Too Beautiful to Live, Luke Burbank's mysterious, magical, personal, expansive, weird, intimate, funny radio/podcast sensation, is recording live onstage at the newly renovated Columbia City Theater. The lineup: Blue Scholars, Smoosh, Say Hi, Ken Jennings (Jeopardy!), and the Lonely Forest. The real star: Burbank's preternatural knack for drawing a story out of anything or nothing. The afterparty: kara-motherfucking-oke. (Columbia City Theater, 4916 Rainier Ave S, www.tbtl.net. 8 pm, $35.)
LINDY WESTIvan Doig reads at Elliott Bay Book Company. Work Song is the newest novel from the wildly popular local author. Dan Epstein reads at Elliott Bay before Mr. Doig. Big Hair & Plastic Grass is subtitled A Funky Ride through Baseball & America in the '70s. Baseball players have never been and will never again be as cool as they were in the 70s.
And at Fantagraphics' Book Store, Dame Darcy reads from her collection of stories, Meat Cake, tonight. I have spoken highly of Dame Darcy before. This should be a fun, loopy summer evening event.
The full readings calendar, including the next week or so, is here. And if you're planning on staying in and you're looking for personalized book recommendations, feel free to tell me the books you like and ask me what to read next over at Questionland.
Have I Got a Story for You: Mother of Barefoot Bandit hires local lawyer to protect her son entertainment interests.
Justice Got Tazed: The epileptic nephew of U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was allegedly beaten and tazed at hospital Thursday afternoon for refusing to wear a hospital gown.
Why Take Transit When You Can Drive? Bellevue residents fight to keep light rail away from their homes (unless Sound Transit agrees to leather seats and air conditioning).
3rd 4th 5th Time's a Charm: BP will replace the cap containing its leaky deep-water well this weekend. If it works, the new cap could seal off the well completely, but once they remove the existing cap, we're looking at another huge dump of oil flowing into the ocean unabated.
The Time Has Come, the Walrus Said, to Talk of Other Things: Federal government says its totally fine to play in the Gulf's oil-contaminated ocean; Florida beachgoers develop skin rashes, blisters, and scarring.
Have You Ever Showered with A Gay? The Pentagon's survey of active duty troops, probing their thoughts on the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Stupidity Without Boarders: Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has a new, unsubstantiated defense for her state's racist Immigration Law, which makes it illegal for brown people to be in public without immigration documents. Brewer says that with the violence Mexicans bring over the boarder, "our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert either buried or just lying out there that have been beheaded."
Happy Ending? Girl kidnapped in California at age 11 and held 18 years by her captors—despite having contact with state patrol officers—gets a $20 million settlement from the state of California.
Finally Finding Her Audience: New Sarah Palin biography aimed at 9-to-12-year-olds.
Here is where the story ends:
BORING — For years, 87-year-old Phyllis A. Owens was known around her mobile home park as someone who loved cats and enjoyed Bible study. But on Thursday afternoon, Owens picked up a gun, threatened a park manager and others and got into a confrontation with police that ended in her death.Owens died after taking a hit from a deputy's stun gun.
Keller states, “Beck likes to call out people for their lies and deception, yet he portrays himself daily as a Christian. The fact is, the beliefs of the satanic Mormon cult are totally inconsistent with Biblical Christianity. He uses the words “god” and “jesus,” yet the god and jesus of the Mormon cult are NOT the God and Jesus of the Bible!”
...
Keller concludes, “I could care less what Beck chooses to believe, but I do care that he lies to people by stating he is a Christian when a person who believes in the lies of the Mormon cult is no more a Christian than a Muslim is. Most appalling are prominent Christians who have sold out the faith to associate with Beck, more worried about what financial gain they will get from that association than helping him lead ignorant souls to hell for following his cult’s beliefs.”
I'm also posting this because people assume that Mitt Romney has the 2012 Republican presidential nomination locked up. That's simply not true: He's got a whole lot of anti-Mormon hatred to confront before that happens.
...a sci-fi action movie franchise about dreadlocked vulva-faced creatures who fight the universe’s toughest badassses...
A picture of Paul Constant's penis is after the jump.
Next Tuesday, Mayor Mike McGinn will fulfill his campaign promise to foster local nightlife while keeping problem bars and patrons in check by introducing his eight-point Seattle Nightlife Initiative. The initiative includes mechanisms to ticket obnoxious people on the street, stagger closing times for bars, handle residential complaints about club noise more fairly, and more. It already has the backing of the Seattle Police Department and nightlife activists who say that the measures are long overdue.
"It targets actual bad behavior instead of just giving police the broad power to target clubs or abuse people who aren't doing anything wrong," says Dave Meinert, a nightlife advocate and owner of the 5-Point downtown, who's seen a draft of the mayor's proposal.
Of the nightlife initiative's eight points, a so-called meat-head ordinance is getting both bar owners and residents excited. If passed by the city council, the measure would allow police to issue tickets for some public nuisance behaviors—such as fighting and drunk and disorderly conduct—between the hours of midnight and 5:00 a.m. in targeted nightlife areas. "Currently, we have limited means for dealing with these people," says SPD spokeswoman Det. Reneé Witt. "If they create enough of a disturbance, say if they're fighting, we can take them off the street." Obviously, the benefit of such an ordinance is that there's an immediate penalty for wasted yahoos, it might dissuade these people from being drunk, public messes in the future, and it keeps officers on the streets instead of having to process and book them.
"This targets actual bad behavior as opposed to giving police broad power to abuse people not doing anything," says Meinert. "We want healthy late-night activity. What no one wants is shitheads ruining it for everyone."
And the proposed ordinance is specific enough that it won't infringe on individual freedoms, says ACLU Deputy Director Jennifer Shaw. "Given the problem of people coming out of the bars at 2:00 a.m. and causing a ruckus, this gives a reasonable time frame for addressing the problem, it limits the areas it can be used, and it gives the alternative of citations instead of making behavior a crime."
Questions remain—a city ordinance needs sponsorship in city council—but bar owners, SPD, and residents say it's a good approach handling a reoccurring problem.
Another aspect of the initiative that has bar owners' stamp of approval involves how SPD handles noise violations. There's already a 2007 city ordinance on the books that sets nighttime noise limits at 80 dBC (which measures bass). What the initiative proposes is making the ordinance complaint-based, meaning SPD couldn't investigate an establishment for noise violations without a resident first calling the police. Once a resident complained, police would go to the complainant's home, shut all the doors and windows, and measure the noise levels to see if the business was in violation.
"It takes out the possibility of police targeting specific businesses," says Meinert. "An officer needs to get a complaint and then get evidence that a club is too loud before it results in enforcement. It's subjective. It's fair."
Other aspects of the initiative address extending liquor service hours (the effects of which still need to be studied, says Washington State Liquor Control Board spokesman Brian Smith), beefing up club security training, improving late-night transportation options, creating guidelines for nightclub good business practices, deploying a compliance team to work with nightlife businesses and other agencies, and arranging meetings between residences and nightlife businesses to encourage productive communication.
"This initiative takes a comprehensive look at resolving chronic nightlife problems in Seattle instead of just reacting to the issue of the day," says James Keblas, director of the Seattle Office of Film and Music, who has worked on the initiative. "It's smarter, it's faster, and it covers a lot of ground."
McGinn will outline all of these ideas and set time lines for implementing them next Tuesday, July 13, at 7:00 p.m. at the Century Ballroom on Capitol Hill.
I am proud to endorse Clint Didier for United States Senate.Clint Didier will do the work to fight for lower taxes and spending and for more freedom in Washington. We need people like Clint voting with me in Congress.
Clint Didier is a dynamic leader who understands our Constitution and will fight against out-of-control government to restore our Liberty. Clint has the courage to stand up against the bailouts and government takeovers being forced down our throats by Washington insiders.
As a farmer and family man, Clint understands the challenges that we face. And, he understands that solutions lie in our Constitution and the great American traditions of freedom.
The American people need more than just another vote. We need a man of principle who will always stand up for what is right. We need a citizen politician who will represent US. Clint Didier is just that kind of individual.
Unfortunately, the sanctions against Pam Roach prevent her from contact with Republican senate caucus staff, and more critically, from meeting with other senators in caucus. This severely impairs her ability to represent the people and interests of our district. After 20 years in office, another 4 years of this would not be productive.
More from the hilarious pie charts man. Can it possibly be real? I love him either way.
Via Jezebel and everywhere.
I wrote about Monk of Twisted Monk back in March ("The Kinktrepreneurs: Seattle's Other Urban Craft Uprising"). Monk makes a line of high-quality, high-end hemp bondage rope that's popular with kinksters locally and all over the world. You can check out his products here. Like a lot of local businesses, Monk does his best to be green. But Monk's rope isn't as green as he'd like to be.
Every year Monk imports roughly $50,000 worth of hemp. The rope he imports is treated, finished, and dyed in downtown Seattle, before being shipped off to costumers TM customers all over the world (including, yes, TM customers back in Eastern Europe). Monk would rather get his hemp from a local supplier—he'd rather contract with a local farmer—but it's illegal to grow industrial hemp in the USA. (For the record: you can't get high smoking industrial hemp. But you can die trying.)
"We talked with a researcher here about what we would have to do to grow it locally and legally," says Monk, "but it would've cost something like $125,000 just to do a test. The DEA and ATF would've required a 24/7 security presence, an on-site surveillance system, a ten foot razor-wire topped fence around the whole thing."
Those requirements, of course, made growing industrial hemp—even just as a test—impossible.
“I would love to buy local,” says Monk. "I can't."
“That’s a huge order for a family farm,” says Ellen Gray, president of the Washington Sustainable Food and Farming Network. "Say we can get a school to contract with a small farmer for $50,000 worth of carrots annually. That's the kind of order that can keep a family farm in operation. Most small farmers only net between $40,000 and $50,000 annually."
“If this business owner could say to a farmer, ‘Hey, we need so much hemp every year and we are willing to agree to a price,' then the farmer can grow that product and know he’s going to get a set price. Those are the sorts of orders that stabilize a farmer's cash flow. Having some predictability in the market is a real strength, a real asset to a farmer.”
So being free to grow industrial hemp to supply Twisted Monk—who in turn would supply rope to bondage fans all over the world—could save a local family farm?
“Definitely,” said Gray, “absolutely.”