Mark Steinberg, 9/1/11

Satirist with Satyrist Aspirations

President: "Why can't I drive down Pennsylvania Avenue before or after the time that the pizza is supposed to be delivered?" Boehner: "The caucus feels that allowing you to precede the pizza man would make them look weak."

Will Durst, 9/2/11

Political comic, former radio talk show host, syndicated columnist, author, motivational speaker

Anybody who plans on getting up close and personal with a Republican candidate in the near future might want to carry an oath-repelling umbrella because pledges are raining down like frog parts after a methane gas explosion in the amphibian wing of an aquarium.

Katie Halper, 9/1/11

Co-founder, Laughing Liberally

I doubt that any members of the Congressional Black Caucus got any sleep last night. I'm sure they were tossing and turning, sick with worry and regret, trembling in fear over Allen West's threat to leave the caucus.

Toni Nagy, 9/2/11

tonibologna.com

We are all dealing with the same personal insecurities and stresses of life even if we speak in a calm voice and wear mala beads. If the Buddha is smiling to himself, why shouldn't we? Om Shanti.

Necessary Conversation, 9/2/11

Weekly webshow

Shahid Mahmood, 9/2/11

Editorial cartoonist

Irony highlights our human shortcomings in the arena of ridicule. As a result, purveyors of humor are often targeted, beaten, and killed for their ability to make audiences laugh and think.

Marc Philippe Eskenazi, 9/2/11

New York musician

"This is a high-rise building!" I explained with a passionate, but measured, shrieking sound. "Any minute now, glass shards of debris will start launching in through the windows!"

Andy Kutler, 9/2/11

Government Consultant

Jake Pavelka & Vienna Girardi: Watching these two narcissistic, fame-seeking neurotics spar with each other is like watching the Iran-Iraq War of the 1980s. There is no one to cheer for.

Adeline, 9/1/11

Anonymous Comedy Person

After multiple viewings of the now-infamous "date rape monologue" that was delivered at the the Upright Citizen Brigade's Del Close Marathon, I thought to myself: "I wonder how Kyle and Zach would tell it. They were funny guys." When I say "it," I refer to my own rape.

Sinéad O'Connor, 9/1/11

Singer/songwriter

Dear Bob, please can I sing "Licence to Kill" with you and Mark Knopfler when you play together in Dublin in October? Infidels is my favorite album ever and I'm quite a good singer. Even if I do say so myself.

Colin Jost, 8/30/11

Writing supervisor, "Saturday Night Live"

It's August! The constraints of space and time need not apply! This is the month when all summer dreams come true! The month when productivity and relaxation somehow peak simultaneously! The month when I finally learn Romanian!

Eric Williams, 8/31/11

Screenwriter

Luis J. Rodriguez, 8/30/11

Writer, cofounder of Tia Chucha’s Centro Cultural and Bookstore.

Setting Katt Williams' historical record straight.

Avital Binshtock, 8/26/11

Lifestyle editor, Sierra magazine

Rachel Dratch, best known for her Debbie Downer character on Saturday Night Live, recently volunteered her comedic talents for a televised public-service announcement.

James Napoli, 8/30/11

Satirist

In deference to the overall awesomeness that is Trader Joe's, the fact is we can barely go anywhere anymore without being assaulted by a feel-good music mix. The mall, a restaurant, a waiting room. And it isn't always feel-good.

Jim Noles, 8/31/11

Environmental attorney

Although the first snap of the 2011 college football season has yet to crackle, pop, or flop, it's not too earlier to declare the most powerful names in the sport.

Tim Young, 8/31/11

Comedian

Governor Perry's campaign welcoming letter is quite telling...