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Destroyer of Lawnmowers
Andrea, Andrea, Andrea,
Upon Watching a Young Man Stretch is quite good. (My preference is always to lean to the side understatement and subtlety, so I'd approach erotica differently than you, but that's just me and not to say that your writing hasn't been quality this month.)
But we're never too old to watch.
Donner
Moderator
Let the poem do the talking. Then hide behind it.
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cranky person
You know, Donner, that is exactly that line I'm trying to cross and respect. I certainly know that there are "squick" factors which can be crossed and I've crossed more than a few. The thing about erotica is that it gets very personal, very fast. Even if done well, the audience will be limited and the fall-off from the uninterested readers is sharp. Where someone would forgive a badly written spiritual poem, when one writes about sex, seriously writes about sex - well, the craft is often overlooked for the topic. So, thank you very much for wading in here with me.
Kevin, I really agree with you about the line breaks for "Glory Hole". That's one reason I love breaking lines. I also appreciate your comments about what you came away with on the other pieces. Thanks for dropping by!
-a
cranky person
la dee da
Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:18 PM.
fun and felicitous, really?
Most of these poems seem very conscious of an invisible barrier that is being crossed or about to be crossed or even just come up to and looked at, which makes sense from the perspective of someone who is crossing such a barrier just by writing these poems. You really seem to dance around that barrier though. It is the barrier that is sexy rather than the sex. This last one is an exception but even then the humanity really shines through.
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Great stuff!Originally Posted by Andrea345
I like the fact that the first two lines are a rhyming couplet, setting up the plausible expectation of another rhyming couplet to end it, and then you don't do it
It acts as a formal corollary to the turn of ideas.
BrianIsAtYou
I think I think, therefore I might be.
Likes to pretend he's Image Indifferent
I think NaPo is making us all ill. I really liked the aural effects in "Watching a Movie with Marie" and the use of verbs in S3. The story in "Hipsters at Thirty" is nice - the way it shoots off in a direction which "Sarah" does not foresee, and even though the reader maybe does, they get caught up in it anyway. Also, the take on Carol Ann Duffy is fantastic.
cranky person
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proof (I can't use your acronym, that would be "pot") - I love those comments about "the barrier", and one of my ideas about the necessity of the barrier has to do with what I think of as "the necessity of newness", or surprise. The reader of erotica knows what the end is going to consist of. There has to be the climax. But the "journey" to, or the reveal of that climax doesn't necessarily have to be predictable. And in my opinion, repetition doesn't make the interest any higher. So, thanks for your thought.
Brian, you are a nut and I am smiling at you. Thanks for dropping by!
Speug - I'm glad the CAD "response" wasn't enough to frighten you off. I felt like I was making marks in the Bible. Thanks for letting me know. Now I gotta go find my "Watching a Movie" and figure out what I did with the verbs there.
-a
Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:20 PM.
Wanderer wandering
Andrea, coming up on a strong finish (nyuck, nyuck) to a memorable month. Great imagery, fresh thought, and though I haven't read it all not one throbbing (fill in the blank) mentioned?
cranky person
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heh, ME, no stubbed toes throbbing in this thread. Those stubbed toes are just too, too... well trod. Thanks for dropping by.
-a
Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:21 PM.
Fun and felicitous PFFA patron
Andrea,
The last poem is a perfect end to this triumph of a thread! I read no. 30 with breakfast and all was well
Random samples throughout NaPo have shown that you kept to your theme with devotion and an earthy elegance that let you do your balancing act without falling off the high-wire or taking off in a deus ex.
I would call the chapbook The Marriage Bed. Lure readers in
Sorella
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