WARNING! We're mean. We're nasty. We're merciless. We're cruel. We're vile. We're heartless.
We'll slash your soul to ribbons. We're an evil clique conspiring to annihilate your self-esteem. Ready?


New to the PFFA? Read the Hot & Sexy Posting Guidelines and burrow through the Blurbs of Wisdom
 
Page 6 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast
Results 76 to 90 of 100

Thread: Bossy pants made me do it

  1. #76
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    Watching a Movie With Marie

    putting dishes in the dishwasher
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:02 PM.

  2. #77
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    804
    Wow Andrea, that's smokin'! I especially loved, "I was blasted, straining against the constraint of elastic and cotton..." The timing in this piece was excellent, as were the sensuality and sonics.

  3. #78
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    Root Word: "Gamy"

    ******************************

    Janet - I'm glad to see you back and even gladder to know you found something you liked to read. Thanks!
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:04 PM.

  4. #79
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    Hipsters at Thirty

    teeter totter
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:07 PM.

  5. #80
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    Not Even Security Knows

    paste
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:08 PM.

  6. #81
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Western slope; Pacific Northwest.
    Posts
    439
    A Young Man- I like the way S1 stretches/reclines visually. Armpit hair was a good topic to urm, touch on this month. She's not too old, but she can tell herself that if it makes it more fun!! (OK actually, I was probably born too old for the untutored and unfurled.)

    Seeing Red
    -Cool surprise with the lipstick. Good rhyme between paw/raw, a weird association!

    What's "Kuiah" mean? I seriously had to look up zill, I've always known them as cartals. One look at google shows me zill is a waaaay more common name. What the hell? [Cool poem also.]

    Sleeping Beauty
    -I love the hay rolling, the yawn, the parents relationship, the theme of women's crafts and roles--both traditionally and subversively/secretly. This one is ready for submission to The Pearl. A memorable one.

    With Marie-I love
    the "largesse, the heaviness of my breast" because I like to emphasize the -ness when I'm talking anyway, and that helps the rhythm here too. Love the simple "she snapped" which says to me....use your imagination from here folks. (That was a fun one.)

    Root Word--
    I like the brevity in storytelling here, but damn, I can't figure out the title. The simple rhyme of then/when worked strangely well with your linebreaks.

    Hipsters at Thirty-
    Let's call them Dick, Jane, and - well, we can't use Spot,

    that's illegal, but we can use, Sam instead.

    Dan Savage prepared me for that one. Too funny. The break after S1 @ Sarah seems clever. Sonics rock in S2. The word buddy made me feel awkward in S3, but an image of Sarah really comes together with the freckles. Line 2 of S4 I need a comma after Sarahs to read it easily (even thought "was" can play well in both directions toward the front and back of the sentence.) "
    She gently pulled them over and then off." Is a pretty strong image, and bouncy language. The theme of hunger and 'hipster' are interesting.

    Not Even Security Knows-Cube Hell huh?

    She's definitely going to hell for that one. The title works but is clunky. The idea is ummm....spot on. You know...we were just talking yesterday after work about how a baritone voice carries right through the cubicle walls. And an unsuspecting lady could get almost the same troubles without even knowing why, just because of those pharamony man-voices rolling around the room. I like S1, the pace, and the snake brain-Ew. Well, there's lots of things security doesn't need to know, unless security is really really sexy. [They're not.]

    Well after turning us into NaPo Mo-aners for nearly the full month, you deserve your very own oud!

  7. #82
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374
    Claire - cool questions.

    "kuiah" is "haiku" rearranged. I had a 15 syllable poem, but not in the 5-7-5 format. It was a miserable day writing. I couldn't squeeze any more words out after I noticed I had 15 syllables. Why is 15 "sufficient"? I dunno. I just know that even though it didn't fit the form, the idea was finished - but it needed a title. So I played around with the word, "haiku".

    As far as being ready for "The Pearl". Send the link because "defunct" is how I know of "The Pearl."

    "Not Even Her Security" is now renamed, "Not Even Her Security Knows For Sure". Originally, "Not Even God Knows" got changed because while I've been dabbling in lord knows what, adding blasphemy just went over ttop even for me. It's either sex, or blasphemy, but not both.

    Thanks for the Oud. I'm going to strum my oud now.

    -a

    Good to hear you're aware of Dan. I'm still gonna probably strike that first bit of s1. It could be fun with "Dick" n' "Spot", but, not in the current incarnation.,

  8. #83
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Haworth parsonage graveyard
    Posts
    1,496
    I was stunned (in a good way) by "The Truth about Sleeping Beauty." Fascinating direction you have taken it--involving female identity, possession, consent, all of which are still relevant to the original fairy tale but you have made it strikingly new.

    Cheers,

    Mari.

  9. #84
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    8,408
    Hello Andrea,

    Why did nobody tell me there was a porn channel in hotel NaPo? I only hope that it shows up on my credit card bill as something innocuous.

    Lots to like in this thread. I really enjoyed the variety of styles/forms and also in the content -- from humour to the fantasy scenes to the reality of sex and ageing.

    The Marriage Bed - "our years edged paper thin and white" is great as is the dandelion seed image at the end. I'm not quite sure how the wife(?) gets to see all this though unless it's a threesome?

    The Garden
    : It can take years to learn another's body, and it will never truly be known is how I read this one. Great opening "There are intimacies of the body / which only come with ten thousand days." and I absolutely loved "The mechanics / can be as trite as crocus" makes no sense and makes perfect at the same time. The sentiment of "you / forget that each night you sleep with a stranger" is really rather lovely.

    A Probing Thought made me smile not least for title's pun.

    Lots to like in Mowing Hay - enjoyed the imagery, and the (possibly unintentional?) euphemism of "
    mowing the hay of her front lawn"

    Ch-ch-changes and The Hero both very
    well-handled poems on sex and the ageing male. "Women were taught to fake their pleasure in playpens" is a great line, but nothing beats "the Hero's a Barbie of manhood".

    Love the ending of Untitled Day 13: "
    One day, I fear, they might find us dead / in bed with you buried between my legs."

    Root word: "gamy". I found this interesting because I can read it in various ways. Given the context of the thread I take Ben to be an adult that they're both attracted to, but they've agreed to be alone (monogamous) in their marriage, but I can also read them being alone (isolated from one another) within the marriage. I can also read Ben as their child. They wanted it to be just them, but they still love him.

    Excellent thread, I'll be back to see how it all ends.

    All the best,

    Matt

  10. #85
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    Would You? Could You?

    *******************************************************************

    Emily - I'm so pleased you got so much out of the "Sleeping Beauty". I kinda itch to work longer on that piece. Thanks for dropping by.
    GMU (Matt?) - I can't decide if the chapped-ass book which might come out of this should just be called "Pornetry" or "Whoretry". I kinda like them both. As far as "The Marriage Bed", the ambiguity of her feeling is something I haven't resolved in my mind. She's not repulsed by what she sees. I see the "her" as actually turned on. In my mind, it's the kind of thing that if she'd caught her husband in bed with another woman she might have been outraged, but finds the M/M thing "hawt" and is surprised by that. Thanks also for letting me know which lines worked for you. I love hearing that. It really helps me focus.

    Thanks all!
    -a
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:12 PM.

  11. #86
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4,350
    Hi Andrea, yet again you managed to write sexy without pervy or squirm inducing metaphor. The language of all these poems is as plain as the text and subtext are not. What I've found so far is an awareness of the body, of its effect on others but mainly its effect on the mind of N or S. This is such a tricky subject to do well but after a strong start you're just getting better as you peel aware the layers of veneer. Great thread.
    Resigned

  12. #87
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    8,408
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrea345 View Post
    I can't decide if the chapped-ass book which might come out of this should just be called "Pornetry" or "Whoretry". I kinda like them both.
    For what it's worth, I prefer the former: Pornetry sounds closer a lot to "poetry" and without the judgementality of "whore" -- or rather any judgement falls on the reader of the porn rather than the subjects of the poems, if that makes sense. Also there's little actual whoring going on in these poems. "Chapped-ass book" definitely!

  13. #88
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    Carrying His Pearls

    *******************************************************

    The original poem, "Warming Her Pearls" can be found here..


    5th column - thank you for the compliment.

    GMU - Great point. Thanks for the perspective.
    -a
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:14 PM.

  14. #89
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    2,374

    The Good Wife

    the word is
    Last edited by Andrea345; 01-26-2015 at 06:17 PM.

  15. #90
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    824
    Andrea,

    Well, this is an education in writing - you're walking the line between genteel titillation and crudity very nicely. I can do no more than throw fluff in your direction.

    Mowing Hay - I like the earthy, pastoral feel. The long lines made it slow in a good way.

    Untitled Day 13 of Dirty Days of Whoretry - "breadcrumbs leading me to find"

    Glory Hole - works better with linebreaks, because of the control you have over the unit of, hmm, comprehension - what the mind takes in at once. For instance your line "They know me by the strength of my suck. I know them" has a little more energy to it because of the beginning & end of "knowing". All my opinion, which may be worthless.

    Upon Watching a Young Man Stretch - beautiful.

    Not Even Security Knows - "the snake brain stirred". You're doing a lot of stirring!

    thanks,
    Kevin

Page 6 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •