How oatmeal cured my insomnia (and other riveting stories)

[Janet]

Yellow (or gold)

It’s the way the mind works, focus on
something then suddenly
it’s everywhere.

Daisy’s heart, a wildflower blanket
flower dust, a dying leaf.

Sulphurs rendezvous, the heart
of a candy corn, time
on a digital sign

Mother squeezes a lemon wedge,
dunks it in ice, pushes it down
when it rises again and again.
Mother looks pleased
when the gold sinks the sun
can’t stop it, the clouds
scatter.

[Emily Bronte]

Hi, Janet,

I'm enjoying your thread because I love how you play with images and phrases in original ways. It always sparks something in my head, helping me to see what you are writing about in a new way.

We are so close now!

Cheers,

Mari.

[Janet]

Thanks very much for the kind fluff, Mari.

[Janet]

The Buckling

Today’s not blue, not deep
like an ocean, it's deep like
space, like spiritual hunger.

I need depth to the nth,
not deep like a moral
dilemma more like
a binaural beat in the heart
of a mountain, like a child’s need
to be seen, like cello or bass.

I want beyond deep, like a tree
root that reaches Earth's
center, like deep knee bends
where your muscles
tremble. I want
to feel it in my knees
when Daddy's buckle.

[M]

"I need depth to the nth" -- I definitely find it every time I visit your thread (and that was a great line).

[5th column]

This -"a binaural beat in the heart/ of a mountain" and S4 of Yellow - very nice images.

[larryrap]

Hi Janet,

You have that natural poet's knack for metaphor-driven perception. I really enjoy the way you take that and condense, resulting in very highly-charged nuggets that feel like they contain whole swaths of a lifetime. The characters behind the poems feel very sharp, resilient, and emotionally awake (though I'm aware that in real life things often feel different).
Some of the things that I particularly liked:

"it makes a road block
out if grief
...
The part that's become winter
makes leaving him easy. "

"Early April"s crackling, low burning tempo like straw possibly about to ignite.

The dream-intensity of "When I find myself". This is another thing I liked over and over - the way the focus jumps from detail to unexpected insight and back with very fast transitions that suggest the intensity of dreams, and often mix dream snippets and the poem's "real" landscape as though they naturally extend from each other - which they do.

"Oatmeal" which does all the above and is kind enough to pause on comfort.

"Their cries make her want
to blow a hole in her head.

She waters her garden.
Smiles at the weeds.

Just look at the twins in the crib.
How their heads gravitate
towards each other.

They don't need her.
They have each other. "

Love this for the simple means achieving such a Molotov mix of bottled frustration, anger, depression, eeriness, with a hint of redemption sneaking in.

"Thirteen" - what a great, compressed story, brought to burning point in a few escalating strokes.

Sally's Edge:
Sally wheels to the edge,
leans over and blows off
a dandelion's head.

The farm yawns, a leaf
races downstream
like she used to.

Again - compression, danger, impatience, loss - a wisp of salvation barely there (but there).

There are more pleasures scattered around in others, not least the constant tension you build by skipping forward yet holding back.

Larry

[Emilio]

Janet, my apologies for not having gotten to your thread earlier, but I'm still playing catch up on trying to get to everyone's thread at least once this month. And all I have to say is I thoroughly enjoyed your thread! The figurative workings of Shelly's elephant in Guided Meditation and Zapped, the inner voice or breathe under the breathe in Why He Should Want a Divorce, and this, in Innerracial:

On the "race" spectrum
Mom's so white
she doesn't know
she has a shadow.

Great thread, Janet, great thread!

Best,

[Janet]

Michelle and Neil- many thanks for the fluff, glad you found some things to like.

Larry- I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comments, and for pointing out the strengths you see. I especially liked your comment about the emotional wakefulness, I'd say that is at the crux of my writing process and yes that certainly isn't the way it happens in real life. Many thanks for your kind words.

Emilio- I'm glad you were able to visit and thank you for your comments on breath and voice- trying to strengthen those. I'll be visiting your thread soon.

Janet

[Janet]

Inspiration

He says I’ll never get a job
if I don’t learn to breathe right
Daddy makes me respire
do diaphragm reps
till a depressed balloon bursts in my belly
when I stop breathing like a sissy
Daddy credits himself
says I can breathe
better than most
but what really inspires me
is that I don’t stop breathing like Grandma did
when she pulled that plastic bag over her head
after the pills and whiskey.

[Janet]

Screens

A screen adds texture on both sides
wire mesh creates a porous facade
not a net
it lets the song
not the bird
in it buffers but won’t
stop you from falling
in a fire won’t stop your curtains
from burning
yes it separates you
from the flies
a hornet may enter
an imperceptible hole
of an unknown cause
get trapped when the window's
down in which case you can
let your bully out.

[beeswax]

Hello Janet – enjoyed that family portrait in Inspiration – N, Daddy and Grandma – astute snapshot, few words and much information.

[Janet]

Thanks for that, bees!

[Janet]

Ten thoughts between Dallas and Austin

Sky = blue undertones.
Highway = red undertones.
The grays clash.
I can't find blue.
Is that an overgrown bush or...
Wow! What've those trees been drinking?
I've gotta go but I can't stop.
Ooooh...I want Johnny's brisket.
Cars are like thoughts-
like ants on a picnic.

[cookala]

heya Janet! Many of these have a lot of raw anger beneath the surface, and I like what you’re writing here, but especially The Buckling, Gray Scale, Zapped and Sally’s Edge with my fave being The Buckling. Good stuffs, keep going – only 4 left!