Post-Dated Checks

[Cameron Clark]

Key Words startled me into laughter at several points. I like drumpf's idea of it as a sort of concrete poem.

Hope this helps.

[scraps]

Bad Plum


…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………...............a red wheel
…………………………………………………………………...............chair


.......................................glazed with brain......................................glazed with train
.......................................water......................................................water


beside the white.......................................................................................................................beside the white
chicks.................................................................forgive me......................................................chicks


.........................................glazed with train......................................glazed with brain
.........................................water.....................................................water


..........................................................................a red steel
..........................................................................arrow

[dannymo]

He Steve,

I really like this. I burst out laughing at "a red wheel chair"...poor old Williams and his infamous wheelbarrow. I like how you've maintained the indefinite and definite article (a, the) in keeping with the original.

I'm a little confused about the meaning. Initially, I thought you might be killing a chicken ("brain water")...which despite being a vegan I found hilarious as a subversion of the original Williams poem. But it seems the image is more of a red wheelchair by a rail-track - possibly an accident? I don't know what to make of "red steel arrow". Perhaps a reference to the train? Which kind of gets me wondering if it is meant to be humorous.

I think with the odd tweak to clarify the meaning you've got something here! So much depends on those little tweaks...
Warmly,
Dan.

[philip john]

Hello Steve,

Bad Plum

This is a fun poem (obviously) with a format that is attractive and engaging (easily readable).

The last lines seem like a departure - did you mean 'barrow'?

Thanks for sharing...............Philip

[Cameron Clark]

Bad plumb is entertaining. Congratulations for squeezing some new juices out of an old fruit.

Hope this helps.

[drumpf]

Bad Plum - While not all the enjambments work, as in "a red steel/arrow" because it's too close to predictable nouns to come after, the whole "train/water" idea is refreshing. Not sure how the "brain water" elevates itself beyond being a possible mistaken spelling from "train water", or something humorous, but I feel like this piece has the potential to be more psychologically engaging, versus what is a playful interpretation of the red wheel barrow. Although I like the shape of the diamond, what does it signify, and does its shape best exemplfy it. Why not a plum shape? Something oval?

[Dunc]

Steve

Bad Plum ─ Delightfully done ─ a genuine LOL. A poem that deserves its share of flippancy too.

And once again, compliments on the layout, where the exactness is part of the effect.

Regards / Dunc

[Scrow]

Hi Steve,


Good to read you again. I love how your poetry is sharpening itself the more you write.


Looking back on desire is really nice - I hope you take this further - it would be great to find out what you do with an excellent core idea/where you take it/where it goes.


Miss Reading is fun. I love ‘purple as pterodactyl tongues’ and ‘purple as praxis’, and a great end to Polyography, too.


The concept of ‘Key words’ is effective - what happens when you play with context. The visual works, adds a different dimension, formalising the phrases, making a point about the random awfulness of this, asking questions.


My favourite this month on a word-level is Polyography, but I’d love to see where you take Looking back on desire.


Sarah

[scraps]

Hello All,

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting - it’s much appreciated and a big boost.

John: Glad you liked the image of the elephant, I’m kind of stuck on it myself and trying to figure out how to use it. I’d be interested to read your ekphrastic on The Angel of the North - I haven’t had a chance to see it yet, but it’s on my post-apocalypse playlist. If you ever get a chance to bum around Edinburgh, 6 Times is definitely worth it. I think your suggestion to move the immediate reaction to the opening is a good one. Thanks!

Sorella: Thanks for stopping by - I’m glad it was a little disturbing!

drumpf: Glad Key Words worked for you - I had never heard the term concrete poem before, so thanks for that. My intention in Bad Plum was to break up the poem into chunks so the reader could make their own poem by starting wherever and jumping to wherever - I was starting with the white chicks who then got sprayed with brain water while standing next to a wheelchair beside a train track after a murder was committed with an arrow - but that’s just me.

Dunc: Thanks for your comments! Glad that Key Words and Bad Plum seemed to work for you - I was worried that Key Words was a bit too aggro - but I just have to trust you guys, I think.

Jo: Glad I could introduce you 6 Times - you’re right in that I took the photo - the view is from a bridge that I walk across most days, the installation had been removed for refitting so I had never seen it - then one day, on the same walk there was this body thing in the water - really spooky and cool experience. Glad Key Words worked for you - I found the TRUMP GO HOM E one pretty ironic, too - it was on the same car and depending on the order the vandalism was found - could have been a nice way of telling Trump to GTFO.

Cameron: Some of those Key Words were pretty funny - especially when you take them out of context (and it’s not your car).

Dan: Happy that you got a laugh out of a red wheelchair! I like the chicken slaughter angle - I was hoping readers could make their own story up!

Sarah: Many thanks for taking the time to stop by and lend your careful eye and ear! I appreciate your comment about my writing getting sharper - I hoped it was but it is always hard to tell from day to day. I will think about your comments in regards to Looking Back on Desire - I’m not sure where to take it, but there’s probably another jungle animal I could throw in, lol.

This last one has the same shape as the other prose poems posted this week - but I’m not sure it is one. If it’s not, you’ll have forgotten all about it by next month!


Steve

[scraps]

Also Rans

Full of gin, Erin and I pop into a wine tasting shop. The owner is an older fabulous woman. She says hello and once she hears our accent asks which ship we’ve come in on. Erin says - Oh no, we’re here for the duration - and the owner says - lovely - then she starts shouting out words like rosebuds, asparagus, caramel. Erin follows along and I ask if this is just a word shouting game. No, she’s talking about notes of different wines. I shout out - Pop Rocks. She pauses. I start to explain, Pop Rocks, the sugary candy that would produce tiny explosions when introduced to the saliva in your mouth. Oh, she’s heard of it. She ponders for a second the relevance of pop rocks to fine wine. I can’t tell if she’s found it interesting or just figured out I’m a complete idiot and has to plan to rid herself of us. I look around the room and realise she has an amazing library and they are all books about American politics; but only books from the also rans of history. Their faces are still bright and proud with the potential of historic victory - the autobiographies of George McGovern, Howard Dean, etc. Their faces beam down at us as the owner disappears in the back.

[Cameron Clark]

That is amusing Steve. It has the tone of a story told while drinking gin. The last lines remind one of the lyricism underneath.

Hope this helps.

[Dunc]

Steve

Also Rans ─ A tale of suburban adventure and a cultivated wine shop lady who likes losers. (Reminds me of Robert Sheckley's short yarn, Dukakis and the Aliens.) The idea of going to a wine shop when skinfull of gin is ... somehow a source of dramatic tension in itself. You evoke memories of a particular wineshop I used to visit long ago, rather dark but very learned, though that may just be me projecting. A good ending to your Sevens.

Thanks for your company this week.

Regards / Dunc

[GreaterMandalaofUselessness]

Hi Steve,

1 of 6 Times by Antony Gormley So firstly, I love the photo. I also liked the poem a lot too. The river does look like it's in flood, or heading that way. The reference to before the flood gives this a biblical feel. I like they way "maybe you are the first of them"/"maybe you are the last of them" work with the fact there are a series of six sculptures, whilst also working with the conceit of a race of (possibly extra-terrestrial) men. I also really liked, "You moved fast, you broke things, / your upside was glorious.".

Key words has a clever title for what follows, and what follows is disturbing when combined with the note at the bottom.

Bad Plum was clever and funny, from title to the plummy apology for the badness, to the nine wheel-barrow shaped stanzas surrounding it. I also enjoyed the symmetry and the word slippage -- "glazed with brain / water" being my favourite.

Also Rans reads a bit like a dream narrative. I'm not sure if I can tie it together. Maybe she has a fondness for losers, and that suggests she'll be happy with the pop-rock-shouting N, despite his ignorance of wine?

An interesting and varied thread as usual. A pleasure to read you this month.

Matt

[JoKingly]

Bad plum---Steve, I'm roaring at this. This was so funny it almost made me like that stupid red wheelbarrow. The way I prefer to read this is a Choose Your Own Adventure--each bifurcation is a choice you make that dictates the poem's journey (but not the destination). Overall, it's a description of a crime scene to me--someone got their brains shot out by a red steel arrow. It was either a poor soul in a wheelchair while they were tending to some chicks by the train tracks in the rain...or maybe the chicks were shot while the wheelchair bound person watched (or did the deed). And do I interpret white chicks from an agricultural lens, or that of the Wayans Brothers? Probably the latter since chicks are yellow, I think.

I will say "train water" is a tad obscure for me, but I take it as a rainy train station. And I don't know what bad plums have to do with it.

Still, the thesis here seems to be that so much depends upon context, and I agree.

Also Rans--I'm almost sad that William Jennings Bryan isn't on the bookshelf. Maybe he didn't write an autobiography. The only thing I remember from high school history was my teacher calling him the "all time presidential loser" whenever he ran for office, which was often. More analytically, N seems to associate themselves with the losers of US politics immortalized on this library as they feel they are the also rans of the gin tasting world. The connection between gin tasting and politics is not apparent to me yet. Regardless, this is a humorous and entertaining piece, just as the rest.

What a lovely way to end Sevens. We did it!

Jo

[philip john]

Hello Steve,

The form of this last one is not my sort of thing - I get lost and too easily distracted.
But I thank you for your support and thoughts throughout the sevens.

Happy scribing...........Philip