FJM has gone dark for the foreseeable future. Sorry folks. We may post once in a while, but it's pretty much over.
You can still e-mail dak,Ken Tremendous,Junior,Matthew Murbles, or Coach.
Times are slow in the sports metacommentary world. In lieu of more journo-evisceration, here are two tidbits about two of our favorite subjects, A-Rod and Juan Pierre.
"As tough and big as he seems, he is real wimpy around doctors or any type of medical situation," Cynthia Rodriguez said. "I was, like, not even having a baby; he was the one. The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head, the other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm and my mother was like rubbing his back -- and he is passed out on a couch.
"And I am there, in the middle of labor, and really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses. And he is there, moaning. In between pushing, I am going, 'Honey, are you OK?' And are you breathing? Are you OK?'"
Derek Jeter, of course, regularly attends childbirths for fun and is a licensed obstetrician/gynecologist in twelve states. Delivered two of Mariano's kids -- without fancy medical tools. Just his hands, his calm eyes, his gut, and a shovel.
Second thing: Juan Pierre is reading FJM. Buster Olney explains:
Juan Pierre has always been an old-school free-swinger, someone who hacks first and asks questions later. But in the first five weeks of his season, there has been a dramatic change in Pierre.
"He's picking through pitches," said one talent evaluator. "I think with the competition going on" -- with four Dodgers outfielders competing for three spots -- "he had to re-think a little bit the way he was playing. In the time I've seen him, you can really see him trying to get on base, in a way that's different from in the past. There's a deliberate thought process going on there. His at-bats look different."
That's because they are different, so far. Entering Wednesday's game, Pierre is averaging 3.67 pitches per plate appearances, more than a quarter of a pitch better than the 3.40 pitches per plate appearance he averaged last year, and he is hitting .316, with a .388 on-base percentage. He's never had an on-base percentage of greater than .378.
So you're welcome, Juan, for inspiring you to change your approach and revitalize your career.
Next up: Bill Plaschke turns his back on Juan and accuses him of playing too much like a computer.
A-Rod Blows Clutch High-Five, Yankees Lose Ten Straight
We'll be talking about this one for months, folks. NY Post me.
A-ROD LEAVES ABREU HANGING
Because every move he makes is under a huge spotlight, Alex Rodriguez was asked last night why he doesn't shake hands, exchange fist knuckles or acknowledge Bobby Abreu Bobby Abreu when Abreu homers in front of him.
That's right. Twice this season already, after Bobby Abreu hit a home run, Alex Rodriguez failed to high-five him, costing his team countless runs. (Under the 2008 official baseball rule changes, as you may recall, a post-HR high-five clinches the "bonus zone," wherein the umpire must roll a seven-sided die and award the high-fivers' team the number of runs equaling the result of the roll.) As Abreu approaches the plate Rodriguez is off to the left side going through his preparation to hit, a program that includes a violent practice swing.
Violent and nefarious and villainous, like A-Rod! His practice swing is so violent, it tore through the fabric of space-time and poked through a hole in Nuremburg, Germany, where his evil bat struck Flocke the adorable polar bear cub in the head!
Truly, we've arrived at a nadir in A-Rod bashing. It's not his fault that every time Derek Jeter high fives a teammate, an orphan gets a tube of Rolos.
"I have always done that because I don't like celebrating on the field," Rodriguez said before last night's 7-5 loss to the Red Sox in which he went 1-for-4 and 0-for-1 in the clutch to lower his batting average to .067 (1-for-15) with runners in scoring position. "When the hitter in front of me strikes out, I don't go over and pat him on the shoulder."
0-1! 0-1! Torches and pitchforks, please, everyone. These clutch stats are, of course, entirely gratuitous. Yes, Alex Rodriguez is 1-15 with RISP this year. Last year with RISP he hit .333/.460/.678. That's right. A high-five-worthy 1.138 OPS. And for his career, he's at .960, right in line with his overall OPS of .967.
The Post truly has an unprecedented claptrap to paragraph ratio. We all know, anyway, that A-Rod only likes to high-five pitchers who're trying to tag him out.
Sure, sometimes it seems like we've said everything there is to be said about EqA and VORP and why batting average and wins are for stupids. We're repetitive, redundant, reiterative, repetitious, redundant, redundant and redundant. We get it.
Then we take a step back and remember that 99.999992% of baseball fans think like the people in this article:
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! STUDY SAYS DEREK JETER'S THE WORST
No, nobody is kidding. This is old news, of course, to the other 0.000008% of us.
February 17, 2008 -- How's this for junk science - even with three Gold Gloves, Yankees captain Derek Jeter has been labeled the worst fielding shortstop in baseball.
I'm so happy the New York Post is out there doing its thing -- being angrily, outrageously, passionately wrong about everything. Rare is the institution you can rely on day in and day out, but you can set your watch by the Post. Whatever time the Post says, you're guaranteed to know: it's wrong.
Gold Gloves are a m.-fucking joke. Although I've learned nothing yet about this junky "science" study and of course I will learn nothing further by reading the rest of the article (thank you, Post!), I already trust it infinitely more than Gold Gloves, because Gold Gloves are liars. They are no-good cheating liars, and I would not let my fictional daughter marry a Gold Glove.
But the numbers prove it, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania said yesterday at a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, in (of course) Boston.
Yes, these researchers from the University of Pennsylvania meticulously altered their data, fudged everything they'd worked on for months, slandered Jeter and praised A-Rod, all because they had a meeting once in Boston. Never trust a scientist! All scientists are Sox fans! Post!
Post BREAKING NEWS: SCIENCE PLAYS FOR BOSTON!
Using a complex statistical method,
for nerds with calculators and pocket protectors and Daily News subscriptions,
researchers concluded that Alex Rodriguez was one of the best shortstops in the game when he played for the Texas Rangers.
This is an interesting finding. I wish I knew more about how the study worked. Just kidding: give me what Mike Birch has to say on the matter. Mike Birch works at Lids, the hat store.
"I don't know what they're smoking down at Penn," said Yankees fan Mike Birch, 32.
Take that, complex statistical study. Birch is insightful and funny. One time he sold me a sweet lid with the Under Armor logo on it. "I don't know what they're smoking"! Classic. Classic Birch.
"That's preposterous. I completely disagree. Jeter's a clutch player."
In one corner: "The method involved looking at every ball put in play in major league baseball from 2002 through 2005 and recorded where the shots went. Researchers then developed a probability model for the average fielder in each position and compared that with the performance of individual players to see who was better or worse than average."
In the other corner: Mike Birch. Watches three innings a week, occasionally while sober. Listens to Mike and the Mad Dog "except when they talk too smart and shit." Watches "Rome Is Burning" with the sound off. I.Q. of 175. Graduated from Cambridge University. Fields Medal winner.
I know who I'm taking.
"It's ridiculous," said fan Jay Ricker, 22. "Jeter is all-around awesome.
"I agree," said Science, 424. "Fuck me, that is a good argument. I might as well not exist. That's it. I'm taking 500 Darvocets. Humans, welcome your new overlord, Jay Ricker, 22. He is all-around awesome."
He's better than A-Rod any day. Character has a lot to do with it. He's out there for his teammates, not just himself. He does it for the good of the team. That's the kind of guy you want on the field."
Yes. You would never, ever want a guy scientifically proven to be dramatically better at fielding. That is not the kind of guy you want on a field. No fielders. Just team guys.
Ricker added that "A-Rod's only out for the money. For him it's not about baseball, it's just about banking."
Studies have shown that A-Rod is, incidentally, the league's best banker. A lot of people don't know this, but he was heavily recruited by Blackstone and Goldman coming out of high school. Jeter is genetically incapable of using an ATM; he in fact only understands those letters to be the abbreviation for ass to mouth.
Fans said Jeter's greatness goes beyond the numbers he produces on the field.
"He has intangible qualities that can't be measured with statistics," said East Village bar owner Kevin Hooshangi, 28.
Fans repeated a thing they had heard innumerable times on the TV and radio.
"I can't change my mind about this," despaired Kevin Hooshangi. "My whole worldview depends on it being true. Jeter has intangibles. Jeter has intangibles. He does. He does!" Hooshangi continued to chant about Jeter, tears streaming down his face. "I know he does. He has them. Intangi...(unintelligible sobbing)..." "He's the ultimate teammate. It doesn't matter what his percentages are when he's making big plays in big games. He's the one with four World Series rings."
However, Frank Angelo, 50, gave A-Rod his due. "He's the best shortstop in the American League playing third base," Angelo said.
Then Angelo realized what city he lived in, and what newspaper he was talking to.
But Jeter as one of the worst?
"That's not true," Angelo said. "He's a good fielding shortstop." He even said he would keep Jeter at short. "Jeter's the captain, he was there before A-Rod," said Angelo.
By this logic, Jeter never should have taken over for Tony Fernandez. Fernandez was there before Jeter. Jeter should've had to slide over to third. But wait, Wade Boggs was at third. No go. Already there. But hey, should Boggs have even been there? No! He took over for Charlie Hayes. That never should have happened.
NO ONE SHOULD HAVE CHANGED POSITIONS EVER. After the original roster of the 1903 New York Highlanders died, all baseball should have stopped being played forever. Thanks, Frank Angelo. But as Yankee fan Brittnay Thompson, 32, said, it's about who's good in May, and who's good in October.
"In big situations A-Rod drops the ball, no pun intended," said Thompson.
Thompson added, "Are you awake, FJM guys? We're still out here. Morons, I mean. We totally outnumber you. We're loud, we're close-minded, and we dominate the media. We'll never stop being dumb about baseball. Never. We'll always keep the idiot ball rolling. Is that a pun? If it is, I didn't intend it."
YOUTH & NAIL YOUNG YANKS WILL STRUGGLE TO MAKE PLAYOFFS
This isn't necessarily George King III's fault, but there's like forty different ways to read that sub-headline. "Because of their young players, the Yankees will fail to make the playoffs." "The youth of the Yankees will help them during their tough times this sesaon, and, despite struggling, they will make the playoffs." "The younger members of the Yankees will struggle to make the playoffs, while the older members will make it easily."
Okay, fine. Three ways.
They have the same first name, but after that Torre and Girardi are very different.
It really is hard to think of two more different men than Joes Girardi and Torre -- two Italian-American former major league catchers (each at one point for the St. Louis Cardinals) who have each been named Manager of the Year and Manager of the New York Yankees.
Torre let the players police themselves; Girardi is a stickler for detail and will run a tighter ship. How that plays with the veterans will be interesting to see throughout camp.
I guess that will be kind of interesting. Mostly to me, it will be interesting to see how much of the Yankees' success / failure / averageness is absurdly blamed on / credited to / assigned to Joe Girardi, and the way he gets along with the veterans (weren't we going to talk about the younger Yankees?), when it is way more likely to do with, say, pitching.
The organized Girardi can manage, and the Yankees New York Yankees were fortunate he was available. However, he has one year of experience. And his coaching staff is dotted with neophytes.
Surely his inexperience (second year overall, first with the Yanks!) will only hurt the team. One need only look at the list of recent WS winners, and it's easy to see that you simply must have decades of experience both with the league and your team, to win it all:
2007: Terry Francona (4th year with team, 8th overall) 2006: Tony LaRussa (fine -- 100 years with team, 340 overall) 2005: Ozzie Guillen (2nd year with team, 2nd overall) 2004: Terry Francona (1st year with team, 5th overall) 2003: Jack McKeon (1st year with team, 13th overall) 2002: Mike Scioscia (3rd year with team, 3rd overall) 2001: Bob Brenly (1st year with team, 1st overall)
Can Alex Rodriguez, coming off an MVP campaign, and Robinson Cano, the ink fresh on his first big contract, sustain last year's production?
Rodriguez won't hit .314, club 54 homers and drive in 156 runs.
Okay. He might. He certainly might hit higher than .314, not that it really matters that much.
That doesn't mean he won't have a solid year.
Very true. So what's the problem again?
The Yankees made two mistakes with Cano. They didn't retain third base coach Larry Bowa, who rode Cano hard every day last season before following Torre to LA this offseason. Then they gave Cano, not a hard worker, a multi-year deal.
Because he's good. They gave him a multi-year deal because, ultimately, it doesn't matter how hard he works, as long as he plays baseball well.
And so now, I'm supposed to believe, the onus for Cano performing well in his first big contract year falls on...Girardi? Wait -- actually, now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to believe. A-Rod? Probably A-Rod. Everything is that guy's fault.
Unless Cano does well. Then we can all agree that Jeter did it.
There was nothing wrong with Andy Phillips and Doug Mientkiewicz, but the Yankees got rid of them. Instead, they are looking at Duncan, Wilson Betemit, Jason Lane and Morgan Ensberg. How long before Rodriguez complains about not having a glove guy saving him errors?
I love how the bar just keeps getting higher when it comes to creative ways of calling Alex Rodriguez a shitty guy.
He committed plenty of errors last year. I don't once remember him blaming anyone other than himself. Has he ever thrown a teammate under the bus? Why are we suddenly anticipating some sort of inevitable locker room blamefest where A-Rod starts whining about Jason Lane's glove?
Because he went to therapy and kind of liked it?
I don't get it. This kind of A-Rod bashing is Lame Fucking City, USA. In the words of the incomparable Sagat: "Funk dat."
HatGuy, Red Sox, Heyman, A-Rod, And Super Special Surprise Guest!
It's all happening at once, people. Let's savor this, the day after the final day of baseball, before we all begin obsessively following Memphis Grizzlies basketball and Columbus Blue Jackets hockey and Columphis Blue Grizzlies Lazyjokemashupball.
The Red Sox had generations of teams that were characterized by 25 players taking 25 cabs. No wonder they spent 86 years between championships. Now, they’ve won twice in four seasons by becoming a band of brothers who seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. They have stars, but you think of them as a true team.
Of course! Fuck! Why'd they wait 86 years? Friends are what win in baseball! Friendshipball! Watch out, Red Sox. Your 2008 favorites for the championship: my uncle Steve and his friend Mike. So what if they're only two guys instead of twenty-five and Mike has a shriveled left arm and Steve drinks crystal meth dissolved in Mountain Dew Game Fuel, the Halo 3-themed Mountain Dew. They go deep-sea fishing on the weekends! They're friends!
Now let's readjust our monocles and look at the bread around this idiocy sandwich:
That’s why he won’t end up in Boston. The Red Sox had generations of teams that were characterized by 25 players taking 25 cabs. No wonder they spent 86 years between championships. Now, they’ve won twice in four seasons by becoming a band of brothers who seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. They have stars, but you think of them as a true team. To add a person who has never had many friends in the clubhouses he’s inhabited doesn’t make sense.
Zero guesses as to whom HatGuy is referencing. Negative three guesses. Yep, you got it, and I took guesses away from you before you made any. There you have it. Not enough friends = no deal. I like the image of A-Rod calling up his old teammates, begging them to tell the Red Sox that yes indeed, I, Hank Blalock/Jay Buhner/Bobby Ayala/Hideki Irabu, was A-Rod's friend you better believe it.
I am undecided whether A-Rod will be worth the hundreds of millions of dollars he will be seeking, but the number of friends he has on Facebook will be low on my priority list.
Now you, Jon Heyman, sally forth with your offering!
The Red Sox disproved the old "crapshoot'' theory espoused by a lot of folks who keep losing in the playoffs. The best team won in 2007, and that is no fluke.
Look, I'm not losing in the playoffs. My favorite team isn't losing in the playoffs. Joe Torre has won a lot in the playoffs. Joe Torre often disagree, but he and I agree on two things: Top Chef is now more enjoyable than Project Runway and as long as the series remain as brief as they are, the playoffs are distinctly, perversely crapshootish. The best team probably won in 2007, but how about just last year? 83-78 sound right to you, Jon? Was that a fluke?
And finally, we grow closer to the emergence of our special guest star for the evening, who appears courtesy of Bob DiCesare:
Rodriguez appeared in the American League Championship Series twice with the Mariners, once with the Yanks, and distinguished himself in none of the three.
Exactly right. None of the three except for the first two, in which he slugged .773 and .516 and slammed a combined 4 HR and 10 RBI. And hey, in that last one he OBP-ed .353 and hit a horrible, team-damaging solo home run.
One number echoes within the mountains of glorious statistics compiled by Rodriguez throughout his career:
13.7, his earth-shattering WARP3!
zero, his number of accrued World Series at-bats.
Oh.
Fact is, the Yankees are in far greater need of a Scott Brosius, a Bernie Williams, a Paul O’Neill than an uninspired (and uninspiring) A-Rod.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Brosius nostalgia tour continues. May his glorious name live on throughout the offseason and for all offseasons throughout eternity!
The man you see on the left of your screen is named Gerry Fraley. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of writing about you before, Gerry. Welcome.
I see you've chosen to write about a New York ballclub. Ah, the Yankees. Excellent choice. Untrod soil. Virgin territory. You're a regular Vasco da Gama.
Cleveland put the New York Yankees out of their misery on Monday night, bouncing them from the American League playoffs. What comes next is an exodus from the Bronx.
Well, no. What comes next are your opinions on who should exit the Bronx. It's very possible any or all of your opinions are wrong, or certainly that your recommendations will not be heeded. Very very very possible. Astoundingly possible. You're Gerry Fraley, and they are the Yankees.
Manager Joe Torre should go.
He's not terrible. The general feeling around here is that unless he's absolute human garbage, a manager doesn't impact the team all that much. Why should he go?
The Yankees of recent seasons did not play with the same verve as the clubs early in his tenure.
Oh. Verve. I think that's in the contract actually. The Bittersweet Symphony clause. If verve drops below 46 verve points, manager cannot continue in any capacity. Your 2008 Yankees manager: the bassist for the Verve Pipe.
I've always wanted to artlessly jam references to both the Verve and the Verve Pipe into a single paragraph in a blog about sports commentary.
That says as much about the players as it does about the manager.
So, right. Kick Torre's ass to the curb. Excellent point.
Third baseman Alex Rodriguez should go, exercising the escape clause in his contract.
You are feeding our monster here, you know that, Gerry? Well done, sir. You are quite an enabler. What his new employer will get is the player whom peers refer to as "The Cooler." Rodriguez will put up big numbers and vanish when most needed.
New metric: number of derogatory nicknames based on William H. Macy motion pictures player has earned. A-Rod's Bill Macy Derogatory Nickname Count: 1. Until next year, when he will be referred to as both "The Shoveller" and "Jurassic Park III."
He did it again in the division series, going 4-for-15 with a meaningless homer late in the final game. When the Yankees needed Rodriguez to do something in the first inning, when they had two on against canny Paul Byrd, he struck out.
Again with the meaningless tag to that homer. Folks, a four-run lead is not insurmountable for the Yankees offense. If Derek Jeter doesn't hit into a double play the inning previous, maybe the homer isn't so meaningless. Christ, what am I talking about? It's a run! In a playoff game! How can that be meaningless? Silly A-Rod. Should've known the at bat he'd be crucified for ex post facto was the one in the first inning.
Catcher Jorge Posada should go.
He's old. He also posted a .426 OBP last year. That is no typo. .970 OPS. What? Those are cartoon numbers. Those numbers don't believe in their own existence. But yeah, fuck him. Jose Molina time or whatever.
Commercial star Roger Clemens should go.
Zing! Has anyone else noticed how awful Clemstone's wife is in that cell phone ad? Hamity ham ham sandwich, Clemens' wife. Tone it down.
In truth, Clemens has hurt his team in each of the last two seasons. Houston went 9-10 in his well-paid starts last season, and the Yankees were 8-10.
Holy assChrist. Yeah, Clemens was unimpressive this year. But last year? You're saying he hurt his team last year? 2.30 ERA, 1.04 WHIP, 16 out of 19 starts with 2 or fewer earned runs allowed ... that's ungodly dominance. A reader sent the following in, so I'm not sure if it's accurate, but what the hell: "Clemens had a 3.09 ERA. Not overall, but in Houston's LOSSES. That would rank 2nd in the NL in 2006. Yeah, the damage he did to that 2006 Astros team is irreparable."
But of course --
Houston went 9-10 in his well-paid starts last season
Nice cherry-pick, Gerry. Good to have you on board.
Closer Mariano Rivera should go.
Given the hunger for relievers, Rivera will have appeal on the free-agent market. He may want to sign on with another contender rather than hang around for the razing and rebuilding that lies ahead for the Yankees.
This doesn't explain why the Yankees should let him go. Weirdly, you turned around and took Mo's point of view on this one. I guess that shouldn't surprise me. You are, in fact, a crazy person.
I can't wait for the years and years of razing and rebuilding that the New York Fucking Yankees are going to undergo. They won't be back in the playoffs for decades!!!
Pepsi, a cola renowned for its sabermetric aptitude, has released the candidates for its Clutch Performer of the Year award, an extremely fake award based on nonsense. As you can see, they chose the names out of a hat, and they chose incorrectly. Your 2007 clutchmen:
Jake Peavy Mark Teixeira Aramis Ramirez J.J. Putz Ryan Howard Choke-Rod
At least they nominated good players. Too choke-y to make the list:
Magglio Ordonez Prince Fielder Matt Holliday Vladimir Guerrero David Ortiz Albert Pujols Miguel Cabrera Chipper Jones David Wright Chase Utley Hanley Ramirez Johan Santana C.C. Sabathia Josh Beckett Jonathan Papelbon Takashi Saito Everyone else in the league
Seems like maybe they chose guys based on their numbers with RISP or RISP and 2 outs. But really, Ramirez, Teixeira, Howard? They missed a combined 78 games with injuries. It's funny, too: if you look at Howard's situational numbers, he looked phenomenal in the clutch this year, but last year, by all standards a far better year in which he won the MVP, his RISP and RISP with 2 outs figures are dramatically lower. There you have it: conclusive proof that in the offseason Ryan Howard learned how to be clutch.
The raging New York Times-International Herald Tribune controversy dating back to last post has been resolved. A kind copy editor for the IHT personally e-mailed me (really, this happened -- he's a reader (our tentacles extend everywhere, even to Hong Kong(!))) and said it was a simple matter of an editor publishing the wrong byline in the print version of the IHT and that error getting automatically fed into the website, and the error is now fixed.
Folks, we have our answer: Jack Curry is solely responsible for this piece of garbage. You're welcome for the detective work, America and world.
Sure, posting about A-Rod every four minutes is its own reward, but it's also turned out to be some amazing detective work. We wrote about this article, ostensibly written by Jack Curry for the New York Times, and we also wrote about this article, supposedly written by Harvey Araton for the International Herald Tribune.
Weird thing is, they're almost word-for-word the same article. The IHT is owned by the NYT, but still, different bylines? What's going on? Theory: if infinite sportswriters write infinite A-Rod bashing articles on infinite typewriters, two will end up identical.
--
Possible answer from Robert: Oftentimes IHT stories are simply a rewrite of original NYT stories, posted under the bylines of the person who did the rewrite for the IHT. It's not always the case, but this seems to be one of those instances.
Sent in by Jason, this is Mike Lupica on Mike and Mike this morning:
If they [Boras and A-Rod] come in and ask for $300 million, I think Cashman has the right to use the old Branch Rickey line to Ralph Kiner - "Son, I finished last with you, I can finish last without you."
Because the Yankees, as we all know, finished in last place in major league baseball, winning an execrable 2 games and losing 160. It was a record, and it was all because of Mr. 54 home runs, 156 RBI and 143 runs.
(Seriously, look at those numbers again. Look at them! Even if you hate RBI, look at them.)
P.S. The quote may or may not be mangled. Wikipedia, which is never ever wrong, claims it was "We finished eighth with you, we can finish eighth without you." (At the time, there were eight teams in the National League.)
Alex Rodriguez's brown eyes were moist and bloodshot, obvious evidence of how he had reacted on a gloomy night. You know what A-Rod could have really used? A couple drops of Derek Jeter's CalmEye from Visine.
He watched the Yankees lose to the Cleveland Indians, 6-4, to end a potentially memorable season and perhaps end his career, too.
Wait -- what? End his career? Quoi?
Yes, Rodriguez singled with the Yankees trailing, 6-1. Yes, he drilled a homer against Rafael Perez with the Yankees behind by four runs for his first homer and first run batted in across the last 16 playoff games. He also popped out in the ninth. But Rodriguez's first two at bats, those uncomfortable at bats, will stick with him. Especially if this was his last game as a Yankee.
To put a Juniorian twist on it, let's rewrite that paragraph as if Jeter, not A-Rod, had gone 2-5 with a tater:
After being fooled like so many of his teammates by Paul Byrd in his first two at bats, the Captain's bat awoke when his team needed him most. Jeter punched a gutsy single to left in the bottom of the fifth, only to be stranded. And in the seventh, the Truest of Yankees crushed a Rafael Perez offering deep into the Bronx night towards monument valley where someday, his stately calm-eyed countenance shall join the likes of Ruth, Mantle, and DiMaggio. Like so many of his home runs before, this hit was perfectly timed; down four with their backs against the wall in the series, his team had never needed him more. Sadly, the rules of baseball prevented HRH Number Two from batting more than one other time (a most un-Jeterlike pop-up in the ninth), and his teammates could only muster one other run before time ran out. As Cleveland celebrated, and the home team walked off the field for the last time until April, one thing remained certain: Derek Jeter was the real hero of 9/11.
It was what it was, an improbable coda to Torre's reign: Derek Jeter grounding into an inning-ending double play with runners on first and third, and A-Rod knocking the meaningless solo homer an inning later.
Yep, meaningless. Because if Posada's towering shot in the ninth drifts fair, you certainly wouldn't care if it were a 1-run or a 2-run ballgame. In fact, I think in the official record books we'll see this one amended to 6-3. A-Rod home runs just don't count. Can't people understand this?
Newsday, this time: Even the solo homer he hit in the seventh inning last night was consistent for him. It was too little too late, and it was his first RBI.
I knew -- knew knew knew -- someone would spin the home run like this. Fantastic.
Here's my handy Why This A-Rod Home Run Doesn't Count Chart:
Innings 1-3: Too early, no pressure Innings 4-6: Meaningless middle innings, no pressure Innings 7-9, team behind: Too little too late, no pressure Innings 7-9, team ahead: Piling it on, no pressure
Do you think they had this paragraph written before A-Rod homered?
The Yankees came in streaking, overcoming a 21-29 start to win the AL wild card. But they were done in by poor pitching, an insect invasion and the latest October vanishing act by Alex Rodriguez, whose bat was quiet until a solo home run in the seventh inning.
Alex Rodriguez started the series 0 for 6 in the first two games in Cleveland, but when the chips were down and his team needed him most, he dug down deep and bounced back with four hits in Games 3 and 4, including a gargantuan home run Monday night that drew his team within striking distance. Despite these herculean efforts from the best player in the game, the Yankees could not overcome a late, dramatic GIDP by series goat Derek Jeter, his third of the series in only seventeen at bats. Jeter, a reliable on base presence in the two hole during the regular season, looked uncomfortable all series long, never getting into a groove and finishing with a 0.176 OBP with no walks in the series.
** EDIT **
New version: good job, AP. They've added a section about A-Rod's home run and even a sentence about Jeter's GIDPs! Congrats.
Behind Paleface St. Shortstuff, Alex Rodriguez might be one of our favorite guys to write about. Somehow, this insane baseball monster is -- I'll say it -- underrated. He's a choker, he has no rings, he's not a leader, he has periwinkle-colored lips...we've heard it all.
Nothing truly condemnable here, but Tyler Kepner had some thoughts on A-Rod in the New York Times this week:
Alex Rodriguez’s choice of music in spring training was perfectly fitting for his personality. As he prepared for the season, he played the Pat Benatar song “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” over and over, at high volume, in his earphones.
This is amazing. Perfect encapsulation of how incredibly un-baseball-cool A-Rod is. Do you think he stays up late playing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" on Karaoke Revolution trying to get a perfect score on Expert? With the Yankees starting their division series Thursday in Cleveland, Rodriguez is under immense pressure to prove he is more than a regular-season wonder.
Broken record alert: A-Rod has had some good playoffs before, but of course they do not count because they occurred in the uniform of a rainy Northwestern city's team. All non-Yankees playoff series are officially exhibitions and should not be entered into the historical record.
“What I’m looking for is more than a handful of at-bats,” Rodriguez said. “We need the team to play well, play deep into October. There’s been stretches this year where I’ve been 1 for 12, 1 for 10, 2 for 18; that’s just part of it. I’m hoping to get 50 or 60 at-bats and help the team win.”
Alex Rodriguez gets it. He gets it more than all of the people criticizing him, which must be frustrating for him. Even in this, another unbelievable MVP season, of course he had stretches where he made a bunch of outs in a row. That's how the game works. People are judging the man based on short strings of at bats scattered across years and years of baseball when in between those at bats, he's performing historic feats of greatness.
That said, I hope he goes 0-for-the-series and the media forces him out of New York. That would be sweet.
Rodriguez knows he is the last hitter opponents will let beat them. If the Yankees do not clog the bases in front of him, the Indians will probably force Rodriguez to chase pitches off the plate, the way the Angels did in 2005.
And we have a clog the bases sighting. I don't even understand what Kepner's going for, putting it in this context. Putting men on base in front of Alex Rodriguez is maybe the best thing you can do in baseball, and calling it clogging makes it sound so...Liquid-Plumr-y. Plus, the guys in front of A-Rod in the lineup are Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter and Bobby Abreu, three generally fairly speedy men.
Maybe Kepner is a secret ally and he's trying to take back "clog the bases" by spinning it as a positive thing, sort of like the n word. Yeah, that's definitely it. Clogging the bases is the n word.
