A&A: Um, Selfie Lice?

Pssst. Check the bottom of the post for the T-shirt giveaway winners!

Awkward...

▲ Apparently, selfies are causing lice.
▲ Discovered that "dongle" is a real, technological word. Refusing to acknowledge its existence.
▲ Last month a random guy at church stopped me in the hall and said, "Good luck in your search for a man." Well then. ...what?

▲ I decided to make Facebook poking vogue again (or at all). Facebook immediately suggested I poke three of my ex-boyfriends, and one of their best friends. #facebookyouidiot #gohomeyouredrunk

▲ Last month I got a letter informing me I needed to attend traffic school because I committed a moving civil traffic offense "while under 18 years of age." I mean I know I look young, but... 

▲ ...turns out it's because the ticket said my birth date is 1/1/14. I guess speeding isn't ok, but traffic school for newborns is permissible.

▲ Fairly certain that the hold music on a business conference call last week was a bad elevator instrumental version of "It's Getting Hot in Here." #what
▲ That one time when my oven tried to fight me and that other time when I made an inappropriate typo in my notes for a Sunday School lesson at church.

Awesome...
▲ I painted a chair.
▲ My friend's mom admitted she stole "some clever words" from one of my Instagram posts to use in her online dating profile. I have officially won life!
▲ Did you keep diaries when you were little? Remember when I shared some of my embarrassing childhood entries? Someone made a blog out of their 1992 diary and it makes my entire LIFE happy. It's like we were the same dramatic child.

▲ There is such a thing as ski ballet. Click that....shhhh, trust me.
▲ Last week on an escalator, a young man behind me with down syndrome turned to his mom and said, "I'm good at vocabulary. And I'm patient today." I feel good about a life where you can celebrate things like vocabulary and patience and feel like you've succeeded.
▲ This news story about a guy who was fired for using a forklift on a candy machine. I mean, we've all been there. #hangry
▲ These photos of an empty San Francisco are pretty bomb. Truthfully, I felt half calmed and half unsettled. Another half of me was salivating over all those open parking meters and no cops around to enforce them...
▲ The photos in this story about an elderly Japanese woman being inseparable with the stray cat she rescued are just...I cannot...YOU MUST GO LOOK. OK here's a preview:

And about that giveaway...

If your name is Alicia H., Laura H. or Natalie W., winner winner chicken dinner! And by chicken dinner, I mean we get matching shirts. Check your inbox for an email in the next little bit!

A&A: Uranus & I-can't-put-any-word-after-that-without-it-becoming-immediately-inappropriate

Awkward...

▲ The chillow. I probably hate few things more than the idea of a perma-cold pillow. Give me warm jersey sheets or give me death. #dramatic

▲ I recently saw a license plate frame that said, "Next Stop: Uranus."

▲ I bought a $2 planner at Walgreens with a kitten on the front because it made me laugh. Sometimes I have to use it in public and then, well, I'm that person.
▲ I burned my finger on a pot of cider and I still don't have feeling in a whole patch of skin. Did I mention it happened at Thanksgiving? ...is this gonna be forever?

▲ Yesterday a woman pulled me aside in the children's department of Macy's and asked if I've ever had a psychic reading because "you have striking energy and I already have so much to talk to you about" and gave me her card.
▲ This yoga pose that promises to relieve stress because SERIOUSLY THAT HAS TO BE A LIE.
▲ I discovered a disturbing trend on Pinterest of referring to a post-pregnancy tummy as a "PP Pooch." *crickets* Any 9-yr-old boy worth his salt could tell you this is a poor choice. I have to leave now. #useyourwords #notwordslikeuranus

Debatable gray area...

▲ Last night I snacked on a cheese wheel alone and later spent like 5 whole minutes obsessively cleaning my retainers. I mean, I didn't choose the thug life.
▲ I originally taped the following magazine clip to the mirror at a strategic height just to make my roommate laugh, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the confidence boost every morning. (And yes, I got a heck-ton of teasing/grief from people in real life about this Instagram. Sorry NOT SORRY.)

Awesome...
▲ Two summers ago, when I took violin lessons to resurrect my adolescent talent, my primary goal was to learn Meditation by Massenet. The other night in the BART (subway) station, after a long day of work, there was a street violinist playing that exact song. It was captivating.
▲ The movie Slumdog Millionaire. I mean, wow. I know I'm a few years late to that game, but, ask if you want more info/thoughts.

▲ These reverse engagement shots.
▲ One of my favorite things in life is when I struggle with doing something, learn how to do it properly, and then have the chance to help people struggling with the same thing. I'm like, "Empathy! I got this!" I've had a few opportunities to do that recently, including the scanner at the FedEx up the road and the ticket machine at the BART station (so terribly not intuitive, f'reals).
▲ This guy who used a groupon to have a photo shoot with his kitten.
▲ I have so many hilarious/terrifying encounters with mannequins at work (like yesterday when I had to basically embrace one to lift it and then the arm popped off and I guess that makes it technically a side hug) that I couldn't help but appreciate this man who turned his wife's shopping trips into an amazing game.

▲ This study that's totally legit and totally based on science has irrefutably proved that women named Katie make the best wives. I mean, there you have it.

A&A: Russian Mafia & Spirit Animals

Awkward...
▲ I still get some automated emails with job postings that are a "great match" for me. My favorites are the ones that are completely irrelevant, like Engineering and Chemist jobs. The fetch? #gohomeyouredrunk
▲ How often my new job requires me to come in contact with mannequins. The other day I had to pop the arms off one to get a jacket. Not to mention the one that had tissue paper for arms. And then there was this. You know, the horrifying nature of mannequins in general is awkward.
▲ Kidz Bop.
▲ Stopped into a small store near Union Square full of little glass oriental trinkets and jewelry, fully staffed by burly men with thick Russian accents. One stepped a little too close to me and said, "We have been waiting (vaiting) for you all day."

▲ Whilst eating in a food court the other day, I answered my phone to one of those spammy alumni "please donate to BYU" phone calls. I told them I was working and got off the phone real quick, then realized the woman next to me had heard me say that. I didn't explain to her that I actually do work in shopping malls, but I felt silently judged. #layoffmeimstarving
▲ Speaking of malls, there are few things more disconcerting than a giant mall directory with no You Are Here dot. I know where the food court is but WHERE AM I
▲ Why are so many of my awkward moments about food courts this time?
▲ Hamsters eat their young. When I googled this fact to verify it, I was horrified by all the accounts of people's hamsters eating other hamsters. But then there was this gem on a discussion board: "One of my hamsters ate the other one. Is it going to make him ill?"

Awesome...
▲ These 50 funny faces in everyday objects.
▲ Riding the train to the city. I was nervous to try it but I love love love it. It's about a bajillion times better than driving and parking.
▲ This story about a Boston Marathon bombing victim who fell in love with one of his rehab nurses.
▲ Yesterday I delivered Christmas fudge to people on teal plates w/ pink ribbon. I mean, Christmas is essentially a religious baby shower, right? I'm also not in the business of giving-a-rat's-apple about Pinteresty presentation details, so there's that.
▲ Mai, the adorable Vietnamese lady who does my nails, informed me last month that I can now text her to set up appointments, so I went for it on Monday and asked if she was available early Tuesday afternoon. Her response: "soak 145 Tmqw" ....I'll take it. She also regularly tells me to marry rich Jewish boys because she is amazing.
▲ My Christmas tree is named Bruce Spruceteen. I'll share pics of him soon, but just know he's about 23 different flavors of fabulous.
▲ When my fav affordable shoe store from Scottsdale also exists in California and I scored these babies on sale which is great because I needed some presentable casual shoes to wear to work and turns out I kind of tend to wear scrubby shoes. And maybe I wear these every day because they might be my spirit animal? But only if they edge out Steve Nash and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

A&A: Deer Antlers & My Heart Will Go On

It's high time for one of these posts! Enjoyyyy.

Awkward...

▲ Stubbed my toe on the heating grate in my kitchen the other day and the heat came on. I literally kickstarted my heater. I don't think that's supposed to happen.
▲ Spam blog comment planted a link to "deer antler velvet reviews bodybuilding." I'm not gonna click but WHAT is that business...
▲ Is it possible to get an emotional stress fracture? A couple weeks ago I felt certain my lower left leg was expressing my dating life. #emotionalshinsplints
▲ Went to Sports Authority the other day and witnessed a couple having a fight in the parking lot. Literally, the women screaming with the man on his knees in front of her, begging and crying. It was in another language so I can't even say what the root of this issue was, but I can say it was like something out of a movie. I felt weird. And curious.
▲ The other day I noticed an ad in my Instagram feed. Whhha?

▲ Went to get hot chocolate the other night and a man sat down at the next table...with a quiver of purple arrows. I imagined up many amazing scenarios about how/why this came to be.

Awesome...
▲ One word: Dinovember.
▲ Four words: Anthropologie's Aloha Orchid candle. mmmMMM.
▲ This article about ghosting out of parties because THIS IS ME.

▲ The talented Jessica is creating a HOGWARTS GINGERBREAD HOUSE to donate to a children's hospital. You can follow her progress on Instagram: @gingerbreadjoyproject. We're talking stained glass windows and a blowtorch, you guys.
▲ This post about an overdue goodbye....I could have written those words. Nailed it, Hillary. "And though the timing isn't ideal, the timing is right."

▲ Last week, the Asian kid upstairs had friends over. Naturally, a group rendition of "I Will Always Love You" mashed up with "My Heart Will Go On" was in order. I lost it about when my fav lead vocalist stopped singing at the chorus to verbally and emphatically state, "I KNOW that my heart will go on." From there the party naturally progressed to yodeling and mild beatboxing. #onaschoolnight #thuglife
▲ This article about Pope Francis and his approach to religion and personal agency, because it strongly reflects my own views of religious involvement in politics. I mean, BOOM.
▲ This woman who had a dance party with hospital staff before her double masectomy. Amazing.
▲ Everything about this Boy Meets World cast reunion.
▲ Everything about this post on Saved By the Bell fashion.
▲ And the crowning gem....this Julie Andrews situation:

via 

A&A: The Existential Angst of Jon Arbuckle

Awkward...
▲ The Netflix category specifically titled "Made-for-TV Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead." It doesn't get much more I'M SINGLE than that.
▲ The one time when I had went to the DMV three times because I couldn't stop forgetting things I needed to take with me. (Don't worry, I got my official CA stamp of approval.)
▲ This lake that turns animals to stone. #freaky
▲ When I was talking to a boy via Skype and the video made me look real good. (This is why I use Google Hangout 99.9% of the time.)
▲ Admittedly awkward in a totally awesome way, these Garfield Minus Garfield comic strips. Please note the site's own description: "Garfield Minus Garfield is a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb." Behold one of my favorites:

Awesome...
▲ I still know all the words to Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy With It."
▲ These.
▲ The geniuses who added monsters to thrift store paintings.
▲ This old man is validating my intense devotion and loyalty to Microsoft Paint by creating art with it.

▲ This collection of selfies with couples making out in public.
▲ The Bigfoot Discovery Project/Museum, which is located a mere 1-hr drive from me and with which I am nigh unto obsessed with visiting someday soon. Please note from the website: "Mike and Paula characterize the project as being in support of efforts to ensure that the Bigfoot and other such forest people are guaranteed their equal rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (as for Mike and Paula, they’re just following their bliss.)"
▲ Let's talk about this comic strip again:

A&A: Dad Joke Flirting & King Bloodaxe

Awkward...
▲ California is a hands free state, and I'm not a believer in texting while driving anyway. So color me surprised the other day when I was sitting at a long red light and picked up my phone to switch the music....and a man on a bicycle, also waiting at the light, reached over and PUNCHED the hood of my car and motioned for me to put my phone down. Yikes, man. Speaking of hands free, mind your own business and don't touch my car. ("Don't punch...our car." ...name that quote.)
▲ That one brief moment when AZ was colder than CA. What? I suspect this will happen more come winter when our seasons even out.

▲ The other day I saw old men fishing in the park. Mind you, not a park with water. They were just practicing their casts...in the grass. (Admittedly this could easily make the awesome list as well.)
▲ I'm fairly certain I got hit on with a cheesy "dad joke" the other night by a guy who definitely looked to be of a fatherly age. #no #justno #imonly26man
▲ This I Recycle Boys t-shirt. Please read the comments on the photo and enjoy.
▲ That one time when a company failed greatly at some target marketing on twitter and hit me with this gem: “@NatalieSalonMP: @K8Ehawkes Congrats on your engagement! When's the big day?” ....YOU TELL ME, GUYS. #nooneputaringonit
▲ Really terrible lyrics from the newest Backstreet Boys album. Including: "You're the reason why cave men drew on the walls, The reason why after every summer we fall" and "When the game's on, You wear the jersey of my favorite team, I yell at the TV, Knock over your beer, You're not even mad at me." And let's not forget the song titled "Always Be My One Phone Call," in which BSB extols the virtues of prison romance. Or something about a prison/breakup metaphor? #WHATISTHIS

Awesome...
▲ That one time when I met a hedgehog. And oh.em.golly I am in t-r-u-e l-o-v-e with it. #mfeo
▲ Kayla at Freckles in April wrote a whole blog about liking my blog...and it warmed my heart. And made my week. #bloglove #blushing #warmfuzzied
▲ The other day I saw a homeless man running and pushing his shopping cart of goods at full speed, leap forward on top of the pile of things, straddle the cart and ride down the street with his hands in the air Dances With Wolves style. It was then impossible to have a bad day.
▲ I like filling out wedding address request forms because I give myself middle names like "Sparkles" and "Pegasus." Come at me, good mail.
▲ The Endomondo app....if you're into running, it's uh-mazing. It works like Runkeeper, but you can connect with friends and see when they're out running. MEANING, you can type pep talks into the app and it will read it to them through their headphones while they're out running. It's hilarious and so perfectly distracting/motivating while you're out running. Plus, it's free! If you get it, let me know. We will connect and I will send you pep talks...probably nonsense poetry and much use of the phrase "go get 'em you sexy beast." (Camille I'm looking at you. Please join.)
▲ This news story about a kid who donated $10.03 to a police station. "If every person would do that we would have such a great world." ...amen, kid.
▲ These classical sculptures dressed as hipsters.
▲ This article on befriending loneliness. I love the poem at the top, especially the part about embracing loneliness because the missing parts of your heart/life make you realize how much you need God.
▲ And above ALL ELSE...this week my sister discovered that we have ancient Viking relatives with names like Eric Bloodaxe. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS EVER AGAIN. Apparently ol' Bloodaxe was also king of Norway (where I've randomly been dying to visit anyway) and had a debatably evil witch for a wife name Gunnhildr. Also, someone created a picture of him online:

#hotvikingbloodinmyveins

A&A: Spoti-Spy & The Final Frontier

Awkward...
▲ Last week, two separate people texted me screenshots of Spotify telling them that "Katie has been listening to a lot of Sara Bareilles lately." It's like Spotify thinks it knows my emotional cries for help. Back off my business, Tattle-fy...Spoti-Spy....nickname options are abundant. (...also please don't tell anyone about all the Taylor Swift yesterday.)
▲ Why isn't corn a vegetable. Do you think corn and Pluto ever hang out and think, "Man, labels."
▲ Last night I was standing with a small group of people and one girl told me I reminded her a lot of someone. I immediately responded, "Ooh, is she totally great?" ....cue dead silence and shocked stares and me feeling oddly conceited. You know those moments when your sense of humor falls totally flat?
▲ These mostly cute but occasionally terrifying animal mashups, especially the elephant frog.
▲ Two days ago I thought I heard my next door neighbor choking through the window and I got nervous and ran outside, only to hear them begin vomiting. One of those, "Should I check on a stranger or let them have their space" moments. I went with space.
▲ Close standers. As a general rule, I only want people standing very close me if a) we're really good friends, b) they're my boyfriend, c) they're a medical professional, or d) they're my boyfriend and a medical professional.

Awesome...
▲ Proof that some people just do Craigslist marketing right, and that rambling Narnia hashtags are the best hashtags.
▲ This Posthumous Advice for my Daughter letter warms my heart, maybe because one of my besties is oh-so-British? I swear my Chantalion could have written that exact letter to me and I wouldn't bat an eye.
▲ 36 years after its launch, the Voyager 1 became the first man-made object to leave our solar system and enter interstellar space. THE FINAL FRONTIER, YOU GUYS. That little pioneer is 11.7 billion miles from home. So, so friggin cool. Phrases like this put the goosebumps on my arms: "The vast nothingness between stars that used to be beyond our reach."
▲ New Jersey decided to grant sick children access to medical marijuana. (Story here.) I am a long-time supporter of legalizing medical marijuana. A natural remedy with about zero side effects vs. the synthetic, horrible side-effect inducing pain pills we regularly pop in hospitals without a second thought? How have we not caught up to this sooner? Amen.
▲ The blog Cup of Jo did a series of guests posts about parenting in other countries, from Ireland to Congo to Abu Dhabi. I loved them! I think it's so good to question the "norm" and draw the good from all cultures. The biggest theme I noticed is that it's less shameful in some other countries to ask for help with mothering. Nannies, housekeepers, etc. are much more common overseas. I wish our largely stressed-out mama population in the U.S. had easier access to that kind of thing!
▲ This:

via

A&A: Star Wars & Strange Trucks

Dudes, we're so overdue for some of this business. On with it!

Awkward...
▲ Last weekend I climbed into my friend's large black truck and discovered it was not, in fact, his large black truck. The people who did, in fact, own said large black truck proceeded to stare at me in shock from the front seat. I ran away. I got out and ran right away.

▲ I'm sorry but...200 CATS?! Crazy things going on behind the scenes at Disneyland: http://goo.gl/zpybd5

▲ I ran into a door at a job interview. When my contact at the company emailed me to ask how the meeting with the director went, I told him I left there "feeling sweaty and in need of a Dr. Pepper." I think I've reached a point of blunt honesty and no inhibitions with this job hunt thing.
▲ A radio station named KFOK. Why does this happen?

Awesome...
▲ This emotional Titanic recorder solo is all things yes.
▲ Star Wars fashion exists and I need that R2D2 swimsuit now please: http://bit.ly/1d6MB1h
▲ I frequently (see: daily) (and nightly) overhear my upstairs neighbors bickering, the teenage son in English and the mom in an unidentified asian dialect. Today it reached new, amazing levels as the young fellow insisted on SINGING over his mother's foreign chatter...to the tune of Billy Joel's "For the Longest Time." The louder she ranted, the louder he Billy Joeled. I am emotionally attached to these people.
▲ These creative bookstore ads claim to capture the magic of reading and I'd have to agree.

▲ If you have any soft spot in your heart for Arizona, you will love this website.
▲ My Kerry girl made a list toward the bottom of this post of things her Henry dog has taught her, and I feel like it's some top-notch life advice! On that note, I've been on a dog kick lately and frequently look at the local rescue listings (this is not the first phase I've been through) even though my living situation says it's a no-go. I picked out a doberman this week who weighs as much as I do, and I look at pictures of him online daily. His description says he's "initially reserved," has "beautiful house manners," and "within a day is ready to lay down his life for his family." He would be my fierce friend, protector and running buddy, I just know it! Oh look, here he is now:

A&A: Big Daddy John & Shower Windows

Oh yes, we need a little of this up in here! I've been compiling all my awkward & awesome life moments as per usual during my California life transition and the list was growing quite long so...here's the best of the last month or so! Now I want to say something dramatic like BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND...

Awkward...
▲ I drove by a construction site last week with a spray-painted sign that said "BUTTS ONLY." What?
▲ While hanging out at a Starbucks a couple weeks ago, I overheard what appeared to be an entire life coaching session from one bro to another. Bro #1 was having some lady troubles, and oh-so-wise Bro #2 instructed him, "You gotta buy her nice things. You know she likes nice things. Show her what she's got in Big Daddy John." (Variations of this statement were repeated for a good half hour.)
▲ Amongst my list of things to include in this post, I have one note that simply says "sport shats." I don't even know what that means or why I wrote it down, but I couldn't just leave it out.
▲ Some devil bird wakes me up at 4:30am EVERY MORNING with its hellish baby elephant noises. Myke informed me that the elephant bird is a real thing. A real, extinct thing. Except I know the truth, because there's one living in my neighborhood. I've named him Kevin, and we are sworn enemies.

Irrelevant Neil Diamond Break...

Awesome...
▲ Neil Diamond is always relevant.
▲ This map of trees makes me oh-so-happy. I oh-so-love trees, and I oh-so-love NASA.
▲ Bertie's vintage shop & soda bar in Phoenix. I am sad that I only discovered this right before leaving AZ, because...DREAMS DO COME TRUE. If you're into vintage clothing or treasures, and if you're into an old-fashioned ice cream and soda bar...well...GO.
▲ The captions in this hilarious post about falling in love with Henry Cavill. THEY KILL ME.
▲ This amazing photo encompasses how I feel about yoga. Forgive the profanity, but I laughed for about a solid week every time I thought about it.
▲ Do you like Lord of the Rings? You'll like this.
▲ There is a window in the shower of my bathroom in my new apartment. It faces in such a way that I can leave it open while I shower without fear of being perversely spied on. Taking a hot shower with fresh air blowing through makes me feel like I'm fulfilling a life dream of showering in one of those outdoor wooden showers at a lake house. I'm probably inappropriately excited about the existence of a shower window, but there you have it.

A&A: Beard of Steel

Awkward...
▲ The other day I frantically searched my room for my phone...while I was holding it to my face having a conversation with someone.
▲ That one time when Spotify hired a model with MY face. And my collar bones.
▲ These hairy stockings for young girls to fend off perverts. I'm still gagging a little. And a lot.
▲ I saw a billboard yesterday advertising a pasta place. It said, "Spaghetti, meet balls." Speaking of gagging, I will officially never eat there.
▲ Me, interacting with a puppy. In my defense, he kept biting me. I have lesions on my arms.
▲ The last 2 hours of Man of Steel when he ditched the beard and plaid shirt and I didn't think he looked even remotely as Super. Let's focus on this image to transition us into the Awesome section:

via

Awesome...
▲ Cucumber honey lemonade.
▲ The National's new album. I mean, dang. Go and partake.
▲ This seriously beautiful letter written to me secretly (but I found it :) on Ariana's blog. There's a power in blogging and vulnerability, my friends! Her words are so lovely.
▲ Pretty Little Liars. Why can't I stop watching it? There's a part of me that will always love TV shows and movies aimed at teenage girls. No shame.
▲ Speaking of television...GIRL MEETS WORLD HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY APPROVED. Losing. my. mind. over. here. "No jazzercise in the kitchen."
▲ I'm training again! Barring any injuries between now and the end of September, I'm going to run my 3rd Ragnar Relay...this time in northern California in beautiful wine country! Me and my running shoes  are about to get tight again. Also, I've been trying this daily 8-minute ab workout via Youtube. Six pack, are you in my future?
▲ Video for Instagram! It's like moving pictures which is like Harry Potter which means I highly approve. Now I must eat jelly beans and enjoy it.
▲ I love sour jelly beans.

A&A: My Toenail Declared Mutiny at an Unfortunate Moment

hhhhola mis amigos! First, I'm guest posting today for my lovely blog soul sister Ashley at Happily Ever Ashley, so go check out my post about choosing your own love story. And then stalk the rest of her blog. And now on to the other goods...

Awkward...
▲ The prancercise fitness video. (But it's borderline awesome all at once.)
▲ Indulged in a pedicure recently, and...my big toenail came off in the pedicurist's hand. The shocked look on her face was nigh unto priceless. #runnerproblems #oops
▲ I'm a few years out of touch with current TV, and I've been exploring it since I moved in with the 'rents. But mostly I'm finding that TV is weird, because Exhibit A. But it's also good, because Exhibit B.
▲ This book exists:




Awesome...
▲This sad cat diary video. I think I'm posting too much about cats. It's just that I live with one now, and we're working on our friendship/frenemyship, as evidenced in this photo.
▲That one time it was National Donut Day and I had my first donut in 6 months. Bless you, gluten-free bakery. Bless you.
▲My friend Brook is amazing and travels to India and saves the world and stuff. For her master's thesis project she put together this incredibly moving photo essay about the oppression of Indian women. I got to see the gallery/exhibit in person, and...whoa.
▲ AND MOST AWESOME OF ALL... the new Jimmy Eat World album is out! Be still my heart! You can look it up on Spotify (it's called Damage). Or go buy it. And put it on repeat. I dig it because it pulls some influence from a few past albums, including a definite grunge vibe in a couple songs that throws all the way back to Static Prevails. I would list my favorites but I like almost all of them for different reasons, so let's not go there unless you REALLY want to go there, in which case please corner me in person sometime and a long conversation can indeed commence. Amen.

A&A: a boy caught me eating an avocado at church

What we need up in here is a little lighthearted happiness and laughter. I figure some A&A is just the ticket, especially since I have two particularly excellent stories in the awkward category this week. Enjoy!

Awkward...
▲ I sent someone an email and didn't proofread it. I later discovered that I'd numbered a list as 1) and then b). So I'm really good at both counting and the alphabet.
▲ There is a city in the bible named Shittim. Dreading the day I get asked to read that chapter out loud at church.
▲ Recently I purchased lingerie for a friend for a bachelorette party. I'm about 13 rounds of bridesmaiding past being embarrassed about shopping for lingerie, but this experience became unique as I stood in line with four men behind me (one of them was a too-close-stander), and the cashier held a lacy little number up, looked at me with raised eyebrows and said, "Did you try this on?"
▲ Sometimes on Sundays, I have to arrive at church early (organ player right here) and I neglect to eat lunch. This particular Sunday, I grabbed an avocado and some tortilla chips on my way out the door for snacking purposes. Fast forward a couple hours: it was time for sunday school, and my tummy was like, "Feed me now or I'll make you cranky and ruin your social life." The sequence of events went as follows:
1. Slip into the kitchen and out the side door to my car to retrieve said avocado.
2. Make sure kitchen-to-hallway door is closed so I can chill alone with my shoes off while I mash up my avocado for eating.
3. Just as the first chip enters my mouth and my hands are covered in green smush (avocados are messy), the kitchen door opens and an attractive (important detail) fella enters the room.
4. I try to play it off and casually introduce myself in all my snack-eating, hiding-in-the-kitchen, barefoot-at-church glory. He reaches to shake my hand. I have to decline and admit that there is avocado all over my fingers.
5. I buy his silence with a tortilla chip.
6. Stories like this are why I'll be able to write a killer MoRo (mormon romance) novel someday.

Awesome...
▲ This article about a guy who took his elderly dog on a final amazing journey via bicycle.
▲ Amidst all my condo packing, I managed to pack all my underwears and take them to my parents' house with the first load. After showering yesterday at my own place, this obviously presented a problem. I then discovered a grocery bag in the back corner of my closet with a dozen brand new underwears waiting for me. You guys, it was a biblical miracle.
▲ Speaking of back corners of my closet, this discovery equaled about 10 levels of awesome.
▲ I've been in a Facebook poke war with a guy since 2006. Guinness here we come!
▲ Snap chat. Snap chat is both hilarious and awesome.

▲ Why you should date someone who travels.
▲ Kmart wins again with this big gas wordplay ad. I want to kiss their marketing team on the mouth. I mean that not in a weird way. If that's possible. No, let's just let it go.
▲ The entire avocado story was actually awesome in its own way.

A&A: fanny packs & devil toast

I've gone radio silent the last few days, because....well, because. I think my post on Monday kind of took something out of me (in a good way) and I just needed to let it sit for awhile. Plus I had a raging fever on Monday followed by two days of headaches and wooziness (heffalumps and woozles?) so that didn't help my desire to look at a computer screen any more than I had to.

I owe you all some marvelous pictures of my weekend in California. And some ramblings about the general craziness of my life lately. But since I already had the following post in the queue, I'm going to let it run and say, "Happy awkward and awesome Thursday!" We'll chat more soon, I pinky swears it.

Awkward...
▲ I discovered that Walmart sells fanny packs but calls them "freedom hip packs." I don't know if I'm inspired or troubled by this bold break from tradition. Either way, I wore one to Disneyland (plus space pants and R2D2 ears) and I definitely felt free.
▲ I went grocery shopping on Monday afternoon with a 101 degree fever. There was a lot of shuffling around and messy hair and mismatched pajamas. I'm still not entirely sure what's in my cupboard, but I'll check on that soon.
▲ This happened Tuesday morning:

Awesome...
▲ These cat exercise gifs were almost awkward but then I loved them so now they are awesome.
▲ This devil toast video probably made my entire month.
▲ That one time I went to Disneyland and a wheelchair was involved (legitimately needed, no deception with our gang) so we got to basically cut all the lines. I don't recommend doing Disneyland any other way.
▲ I found this blogger and she apparently designs clothes and then sews them and models them and I just think that's super cool and you can see the series of her creations here. Also, she likes Harry Potter.
▲ I had this amazing experience yesterday where I discovered that one of the best mexican joints in Arizona (the burger house in Globe, AZ) (yes, the burger house) has had sister restaurants all over the place for some time now. Don't worry, I've already been to the nearest casa reynoso and it didn't disappoint. There were even barefoot children wandering around like they owned the place.
▲ You. You are awesome.

A&A: Stock Photos & Mario

I made this plan last week of posting an Awkward & Awesome post once per week because otherwise my list in both categories gets too long and everything is out of control. Mostly I'm just proud of myself for sticking to what I said I'd do and I wanted to pat myself on the bum for it. You can decide if this paragraph belongs in the awkward or awesome category.

Awkward...

▲ It took me three failed attempts to make that awkward & awesome graphic and spell both words correctly. Awkard and Aweswome, you guys. In other news, I love Microsoft Paint.
▲This list of banned baby names in New Zealand.
▲ This amazing collection of awkward stock photos. Seriously, that backbend...
▲ That moment when the cashier at In 'n Out manages to briefly convince Alicia that they are out of cheeseburgers. #itstheonlythingonthemenu
▲ Every day of my life when my Facebook profile asks me what my relationship status is. Facebook, don't be THAT friend.

Awesome...
▲ I'm going to Disneyland and the Elevate Conference with Elise, Chrissy and Nichelle in two more sleeps! Disneyland, you guys!!
▲I'm officially a member of the BlogHer publishing network! You may have noticed the fancy new ads in my left sidebar. Huzzah!
▲This Mario Bros. mock indie movie trailer basically makes my entire life happy.
▲ Speaking of movie trailers, the Ender's Game trailer is out and you can watch it HERE. (Have you read the book? Are you a sci fi lover like me? No? Read it anyway.) (Does Harrison Ford sound a bit bored in that trailer? We need Morgan Freeman up in here!)
▲ My conscious box giveaway that's still up and running! One of the entry options is to write me a haiku. (Please oh please!)
▲ When you're playing Apples to Apples and you get one of those trump cards that you know will win any round you play it on. (What are they for you? Mine are Sean Connery, Helen Keller and creamed corn. Let's be honest, it's just funny to think about creamed corn being any kind of adjective.)
▲ This video about a man rescuing a kidnapping victim after 10 years. First, for rescuing her. Second, because he's hilarious. "We ate RIBS. We listened to salsa music!" Warning: he uses the word testicles during one of his rants, in case you are opposed to anatomical terms. Other warning: I used the word testicles in this blog post. #sorrynotsorry

A&A: zombies & my mom's dam sense of humor

To start with one awesome item, check out this adorable little print designed by my bestie. It comes straight from a text she once sent to her fella. Cute, right? (And only 10 smackers!) Check it out here.

I've decided I need to start posting these lists once a week because I had to cut out about half of it today to keep it from getting a billion light years long. (Yes, you can measure blog length in light years. It's science, kids. Surprised you didn't know that.) And now on with it...

Awkward...
▲ The sport of kickball. Everyone looks like an idiot at least once during a game of kickball. It's the great athletic equalizer.
▲ Cake donuts. I mean, it's bread. That's all it is.
▲ I talked in my sleep and told my roommate there was a hippo on the nightlight. The weirdest part is, I don't even own a nightlight.
▲ These questionable and ironic options next to each other in my inbox one morning.
▲ I woke up yesterday morning and discovered that, not only had I slept on top of a book the entire night, but there was a belt wrapped around my ankle. I should probably clean my bed off before crawling into it.
▲ This entire experience:

Awesome...
▲ This ship my pants video. I mean, yes. When did Kmart marketing get so hip?
▲ While lunching at my favorite Thai place yesterday, I caught the owner watching cat videos on her iPad.
▲ The news about the Ender's Game trailer coming out next week. Just GEEKING OUT OVER HERE.
▲ Before my mom took a recent trip northward out of Arizona (and consequently past the Hoover Dam), she hollered at me across a parking lot: "I'll send you a dam text!" And then this happened.
▲ This flowchart explaining all time travel in movies. (Die-hard BTTF fan right here.)
▲ These parents who sent 6 kids to college by age 12. I mean, sheesh.
▲ The movie Super 8. I finally watched it on Sunday and...where have I been? I totally adored it.
▲ And let's end with a solid Backstreet Boys reference, namely this gif that really really made me laugh.