Daddy Issues? and so much more. Episode 2 Season 2

 

In this episode, we delve into how our childhood experiences can shape us into the adults we become.

I share my personal stories about the struggles I faced during my childhood, which ultimately helped

me become the person I am today. Although I still face challenges, I have learned to accept and

understand my past to better deal with my present.

Listen Now

Daddy Issues? Really? Labeling our issues is a great pastime nowadays. The in thing to do.

Our baggage comprises past experiences that we lug around with us and bring into our present.

Blaming our parents for our faults or even traumatic events that we don't move on from can drag us down.

Should we blame the people in our past or how we did not move on from it all?

3 Life Changing Steps to Self Possession (self-confidence)

 What is Self Possession?

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Control your behavior, self-command, willpower, self-will, possession, firmness of purpose... Self Confidence

I know I thought spirits possessed me too. I watch too many ghost shows.
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Have you been bombarded with self-help these days? Every email. Meme, post, commercial even, telling you to love yourself, be positive, be freaking happy!
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We are surrounded by judgment about being judged. We are the ones judging ourselves while judging others' feelings themselves. I think

We live in circles of complicated friendly.

Step One:
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You Got This!
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Before you start with the sarcastic 'Thanks Amber, Really?'
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I am serious! Put it this way; you may have heard this inspirational phrase before; I have a sticker on my door that says it, but...
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What is the alternative to You got this? YUP, the opposite is that you don't got it.
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Take this step to tell yourself that you DO have this. You can handle it because you have to. The alternatives are worse than fear, anxiety, and loneliness. You lose yourself because you did not 'Got' (get) this.
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When my mom became ill, I asked how I could live without her. She only said three words, "You Just Do."

The moral of that story. I DID, and I still DO
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The lessons of my past are now becoming just that, Lessons.
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I 'GOT' This because I own my past, present, and future. How I react to situations and what I do with my time is all on me.
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*Learn from yourself (everything up until right this very moment is a well-prepared lesson plan)
*Look inside of you first; you are smarter than you think
*You have the key to every situation, not to change what surrounds you but to react to the situation that is best for this lesson that is playing out.

Step Two:
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Practice being you.'
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No one has died from embarrassment, at least not to my knowledge.
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We practice habits without knowing it. Repetition and exposure to the same thing make us comfortable. However, sometimes, our comfort is not always beneficial to our self-confidence. Comfort Zones get a bad wrap, and they should, even if they sound all warm and fuzzy (I do like a soft, cozy blanket, though)

Our zones trap us in our little bubbles. Inside these bubbles, we have a hard time growing. Self-growth is a particular part of our existence and a vast, influential part of what gives us confidence.

When you want to do something new and something that challenges you to leave that comfortable state of being, it will take practice. It would help if you did it repeatedly to make new relaxed states. Fear and anxiety can bully you back into your comfort zone.
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Take this step to face the fear or whatever you think keeps you all cozy and deters you from being confident. Accept that practicing being you (the self-possessed you) is actually. It is a thing or state in your life that allows you to get good at something and excel outside your comfort zone. Once again, repeat this - No One Dies of Embarrassment or falling out of their comfort zone, although you might imagine it is painful.
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Years ago, I was asked to speak in front of a large group. I was to talk about how successful I had been in my home business. My success My coach, at the time, set it up despite my objections and constant whining. I was told that I could inspire others, and it was necessary. Continuously telling my coach I would surely barf, his reaction was, "I will stand up there with you and hold a bucket."

The moral of that story. I DID not barf or die.
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Practice because not all things are easy, but most are worth it.
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*Perfection is a myth or a creature you will never see but still try to.
*Only you can do something different and break the habit of surrounding yourself in comfort.
*The one telling you CAN'T is you.

Step Three:
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No More 'What ifs.'
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Have you ever wished you would have, could have, or should have done something, but you feel the time has passed, and you mourn the opportunity that could have been?

What if?

Regret is a troublemaker.😈
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Regret is related to a perceived opportunity. It arrives in your now but is over a decision or action of the past.

Although we learn from our mistakes, allowing them to follow us and make us feel sadness and loss of control and wonder if the past will repeat itself deters us from complete self-possession.
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Wondering 'IF' stunts our growth.
There is only one way to find out what will happen 'IF' we do something.

DO IT
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Take this step to challenge yourself. Instead of asking, "What if I do this, " you tell the story. Learn from doing it and let others learn from you. Take any regret or loss about the missed opportunity or undesirable outcome; turn it into a valuable life lesson. Turn it into a positive tool for yourself and others.​
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I was the perfect punisher of past mistakes. Had it down to a science. Most of my regrets had to do with remembering embarrassing moments. Actions that I took in the past that made me doom. "If I would have just done this instead of that!" My self-confidence was waived because I was afraid that if I did it then, it could happen again. So...I lost self-possession; my regrets of not being able to control how I felt in a situation gave me ample opportunity to stay in a comfort zone for protection.

The moral of that story. I DID learn from my mistakes.
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What Ifs can be positive weapons to conquer doubt IF you turn them into actions instead.
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*Allow yourself to make mistakes.
*Give yourself full license to cry. Grieve full throttle over the big and small stuff. Get uncomfortable and explore good, bad, and ugly feelings. Add them to your life lessons.
*It is OKAY not to be OKAY, and it is also OKAY to be OKAY.

Hey Ladies over 45, Join Us here.

Episode 18: Tell Her She is Beautiful: Self Image

Listen now! 

Am I beautiful or not?  Self-doubt is a toxic emotion that serves no purpose but to lie to your inner strength. 

A compliment that is received without overthinking it, is a self-image builder. 

Over the years, an accumulation of experiences that detour self-confidence may blindside you. 

My self-image was in shambles for the longest time, and it took a very long time to figure out why. 

Do you let your environment drag you into a self-doubt toxic waste dump? Is it the men in your life, is it the impressionable years, is it the magazines and all the media sources that pump images into your mind? 

Episode. 16 - How old am I? How old do I feel?

 

When I look in the mirror, I wonder how I got this old. Without the visual proof that I am no longer someone in my twenties or thirties, in my mind, I see and feel like a young adult.

Like many older people, you do not consider yourself different from the decades before. 

Then come those moments in life when you are reminded you are no longer that young person but an older version of that same person.

Having young women tell you they envy you for sitting at a bar alone. Telling you they wish they had the confidence to do so.

The doctor upsells you vaccines for people over fifty. 

The hairstyles you found as samples for the hairdresser to cut and style my hair are commented on as old lady styles.

Woman's Magazines

What is your attitude toward Sex?

 Are we messed up about sex? You put a group of people together and tell them to have sexual experiences with each other, but each person has been informed, trained, and influenced, all in different ways, about this subject we claim to know so much about.

Where do our sexual attitudes come from? We are influenced by everyday people, our media, our loved ones, and the people who raised us, so how much control and opinions are of our own?

In 1938, Alfred Kinsey began gathering case histories of sexual behavior. In 1940, Kinsey and his staff collected over 18,000 interviews and published Sexual Behavior in the Human Male in 1948 and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female in 1953. With all this research, people started to learn about sexual behavior and where they stood among the masses. But, introducing ongoing exploration of our sexuality throughout the times of change, have we strayed from asking the questions and assuming that what we were taught or experienced is just that of our norm? Do we stay comfortable with what we know and leave it at that?

Sex is a large part of our lives; when you think about it, does it not control how we think, feel, act and portray ourselves to others? Our sex, as in gender, has separated us through eras. Our sexual preferences have us turning from one situation to another. Our sexual attitudes on a personal level influence how we deal with each experience. We could group our attitudes into like minds and bodies, bend a little and try the new thing, and very well accept those who wish not to journey with us to the unknown.

We all seem to be doing a lot about nothing, talking very little about what we want to share. Instead, we take our little attitudes and secret desires and sneak them into the corners of our lives, hoping someone will understand, make sense of and play along. It is not common to discuss fantasies with your mate, friends, or co-workers; although done, how detailed and truthful are they? Have you asked your partner questions about sex? Is there a whole discussion? And if this happens, is this a comfortable thing to share?

As free as we are to express ourselves, do we define ourselves sexually without judgment? Society has us dancing through fire as it is, so keep your clothes on and your mind clean, and don't tell us what you are doing behind closed doors unless you are on Oprah and there is a scandal involved. In this day and time, is there the shush factor? Are we as open-minded as we think we are? Or do we have more to judge than in times past?

We live with rules, laws, conditions, and personal limits. With this massive subject, look into your sexual attitude and how it reflects and affects who you are. Keep yourself as accurate and true to yourself as possible, but allow the changes, curiosity, and enjoyment to bring you to new levels of your life without letting go of your identity. Your sexual attitudes should never go stale and become a healthy place within your life.

Sometimes with relationships in your life, the influence of one's attitudes can be good or bad. So open your mind and don't judge those whose attitude differs; remember how the journey has differed from your own.

Episode 15 - SERIOUSLY. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

The answer to self-sabotage is not to self-sabotage yourself. Years of research and several bookshelves filled with self-help books have brought me to this astounding conclusion. I could have saved myself a few bucks or hundreds if I had put the red heels on. (in the podcast I said they were 6 inches but 3 inches feels like 6 to me: only referring to shoes though lol) Writing has been a therapy. Looking at past writing, you can view the ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and highs and lows, to most of it. Self Sabotage, I have mastered; that trait or quality is apparent whether I would like to acknowledge it or not. Drowning in inspiration and advice from the books, podcasts, and audiobooks, my "ah ha" moment, or what I call my "holy crap" moment, started to come clear to me. Not that I did not know this already, the notion I lack self-confidence and that I sabotage everything with my fears; the new realization was the fact that I was waiting for something to change. What the hell was I waiting for? All this time, I was waiting for change to happen. Was it to come in a lightning bolt to jolt my life in a new direction? Maybe a special delivery right to my front door? It will not manifest, especially with me shutting the door on change every time it appears. I took time to reflect and stood back from it all before the pieces started coming together. Now in no way am I where I want to be, but the door is open for new and exciting things to enter my life. One thing that holds me back is the lack of self-confidence; it is more an ingrained negative self-perception that most likely has some deep seeded root that someday will surface. The first thing that sparked was when I was listening to an interview that led to the question: 'When was the last time you felt outstanding? My answer was First, I'm not too fond of shoes and shopping altogether, and I often wonder if I am some other breed of woman. Second, I like simple, or at least that is what I thought before. Friends had invited us out for an evening of dancing at a club. You always see high heels on women, but not for this chick. My friend convinced me I needed to let loose, have some fun, get dressed up, and go all out. So we went shopping, and I purchased high heels. Totally out of my comfort zone, I turned heads, attention was on me, and I survived. My feet hurt like hell, but I ROCKED. Amongst the self-help shelves, I read: "Your higher self is in direct opposition to your comfort zone." My comfort zone has weighed me down to the point that I have become complacent, and as harsh as it sounds, I have become useless. I was, on the whole, the useless component of making my dreams a reality. As corny as it is, "my higher self was in high heels!" Comfort be damned. My comfort zone was the 'invisible me' blending into my surroundings. Alone in my safe, comfortable zone where the world does not judge me. The red shoes remind me that I look awesome, feel powerful, accomplish goals, and ROCK outside my comfort zone.

Episode 13 - Be Kind To Yourself!

 

You determine kindness's meaning. Kindness is how you choose to show it. Kindness can be empathy, acceptance, kind gestures, and thoughtfulness; the possibilities are entirely up to you. 

We usually consider being kind towards others. Have we forgotten the one person who needs kindness to show kindness? 

Imagine if self-care were a natural thing, the self-help section would disappear. There would be a large area in the book store to put more sofas.

Being kind to yourself no matter how miserable you feel should be easy. Give yourself a break once in a while, learn from your misery and be gentle when you feel down.

Give yourself a break once in a while, learn from your misery and be gentle when you feel down.

Pin-Ups in Us

 

Painted lips in red, cherry, pink, or cinnamon, a woman’s pouted soft lips express desire and are wrapped in soft silks, lace, feather boas, pearls, and heels. Hair swept up in sexy curls or draped in wisps on bare shoulders. Cheeks rosé and glowing lashes embellished viewed in attractive waves. A woman is seen by admiring eyes, the look she sees looking at her as sexy and beautiful. When a woman feels sexy, feels gorgeous, this is a pin-up! Put some attitude or sensual, playful, controlled flirtatious boundaries and a lot of sass; you will then have a pin-up with sexitude!

Women, through time, have posed for pictures. The still portrait of their beauty is captured for the world to view. As all women have the pin-up girl within themselves, most do not share it with the world. Feeling that way, the way that gives them the confidence to show off to the public the beauty that they possess and can offer. That feeling is usually tainted and, most times, never nurtured. To express and appreciate what you own as a woman comes from within. As we compare ourselves to other people, guidelines, and judgments, we no longer possess that confidence and realization that we are sexy; hell, we are women!!

As our society and media guide our lives, we also judge others and expect them to judge us. What would they say if the many magazines that have told you how to apply your makeup, how to eat, how to exercise if they just told you how to be you? We live through the lives and advice of others, passing along the news. Keeping it real and controversial, our lives forget how to take care of ourselves as individuals without prejudice. 

Becoming your pin-up girl: understand yourself, take away the outside world and realize what you offer to be sexy, beautiful, and a great person. You are the pin-up girl that gives inspiration to yourself so that you may share it with the rest of us.

Claim your radiance, concentrate on your attributes, silence your critical voices, and whisper this:  My body is strong, vibrant, and healthy; I am a masterpiece in progress. Love flows through every cell; I love and honor my body unconditionally.

The tips of all the articles, and all the advice, are a reference to changing looks, but you are already beautiful and a pin-up girl; how you share it with the world is your choice and your power. 

How watching TV can make you feel like a Sasquatch

 Not that there is anything wrong with being a Sasquatch if you are one, but if you are woman trying her best to look her best everyday, all the information and products can be overwhelming.

Imagine this, it is a typical day, and you sit down to eat lunch and watch some TV, which means commercials.

Then you realize most of the ads are about women-

The Yeast Infection - seen on TV- here is the cure, one step, no mess, clear that yuk up.

The period - menstruation, the curse, that time of month - as seen on TV - many types of pads, tampons, light, heavy, day, night, long, thin, small, maximum, for little women, for large women.

Are you feeling great about it?

Dry Vagina - heat it with lube, girls. Make it a night where everything slides right in.

Itchy and irritated - there is an ointment for that, some cream that will remove the smell and that itch so you can stop picking at your ass.

Acne - There are endless medicated cleansers, creams, cover-ups, and more—no more zits for you.

Wrinkles- so much research, and there are so many creams- day, nighttime, any time. Use it every day. No need to worry, no need to have a wrinkle on your face or your ass with the amount of wonder creams available.

Are you feeling beautiful yet? Just let me know when....but wait...

Fat, chunky, and hoarding belly fat - a billion and two, fast, quick, and easy methods to be as fit as a skinny ass model in no time. All at your figure tips, pick a pill or book, shove it and use it...you will be thin in no time.

Feel gorgeous yet?....but wait...

Don't forget that fur lining you have - wax, razors, razors with built-in moisturizers, creams, gels, no heat wax, sugar wax, professional laser, or waxing. There is no reason to be that hairy; none; get smooth.

If you don't feel beautiful during the last 30 minutes of commercials

Episode 11 - Boudoir: The Self Confidence Connection

Why would we get undressed to feel more confident in ourselves? Do women need to feel beautiful?

We are exposed daily to images of sexy women. The female physique has been alluring for all time. The abundance of magazines, billboards, social media posts, and more sell products by displaying sexy women. The hint of sexual allusion was extremely popular to show sexy, and sex sells. With professional models and image filters covering magazines, billboards, TV, and social media, we start young by benchmarking our body expectations. 

We start to judge ourselves and doubt our body image. What we should be, what we could be, and the beauty product industry is proof at $500 billion annually. On average, women spend $150 on keeping up their beauty in a year. 

Episode 10: The next episode will be great. Not this one!

 

Can you ever be ready to do interviews? Totally!

But that is not me, if I prepare or plan things my anxiety runs through me and we might as well just turn on Netflix.

So with when the bravery bug flies up my ass, I jump in. This episode is just that, it is me and my thoughts getting ready to make an ass of myself once again.

Practice they say...

Episode 4: Why does Sex'n'Fries exist?

 Sexnfries and a whole lot of whys.

Finding your authentic self and telling your story to connect, laugh, discover and heal. The blog was the first time I exposed myself and got confused about my authentic self. What the hell is finding yourself anyway? It is difficult for most of us to let it all hang out and let people judge us. It took me a long time to put my big girl panties on and tell my story and truths. 

In 2009, I started a blog called "Sex'n'Fries ."I would find things about sex and food on the internet that would make you go, "WTF!"

It was trendy, but I got old...yes, I got bored of it all. But, since Sex'n'Fries was my pet, I could not toss it. 

 

Here is the original 'About" that was posted on the blog way back when....

 The Wild Side of Normal

BE REAL

Who? We are just like those people in the picture.

BUT...we are older, lumpier, have more stretch marks, and don't sit in tubs with our clothes on or friends. We have families, pets, lives...we have tears and laughter, and most of it makes us pee a little. We have bad hair days, and when we don't, we get ourselves out, so someone can see it. 

We dance, sing, and with enough alcohol, we might even yodel. We have seen things, forgotten things, and wish for more things. We overeat, go on diets, lift weights...stop and repeat. (usually on Monday). Although we age every day without fail, we try to stay sexy through it all.

We get a dose of Sex and Fries

We all have a sexy side, a wild side, a comfort food- stuffing 'who gives a f'ck' moment or two. We have in us a feminist stripper with a waffling personality that possibly combines a twenty-year-old farmer's daughter and an overprotective grandmother. Our self-esteem polishes our sexiness and gives us too many opportunities to hide and cry. So here we come to a place in life, whether in your forties, fifties, or twenties, there are always changing times in your life, bringing us to eating the greasy trans fat, then complaining about our fat thighs and bloating.

Yes, I am a woman, hear me roar but stick around to see me weep!

We are aging and laughing about it.

...you have a better idea?

This blog is about the funny side of getting older, staying sane, and dealing with life. We laugh, we cry, and we tell it like it is. We deal with severe crap and get to the lighter side quite often, but it all leads to sex and fries. 

Enjoy a bit of fun!

Sorry if you were looking for something dirty; there is dirtier stuff on prime-time TV. 

So there you have it, my blog back in 2009 is now the podcast of a Fit*Fabulous*Fifty woman just trying to keep reasonably sane.