Accountability

I find myself having the same conversations in my head as I did 4 years ago… Decisions regarding Zoe’s treatment weigh heavy on our mind and heart.  It is much easier to make these decisions if they are for yourself, but this is Zoe’s body and Zoe’s life… and one day Sean and I will have to explain to Zoe why we made the decisions that we did.  There are a lot of what ifs and a lot of unknowns… Although Avastin sounds great, it is a “newer” drug and there isn’t much known about the long-term effects.  It is hard to move forward with unknowns…  God rarely heads anyone down a known and perfect path.  He expects that we will study and use our AGENCY to make an informed decision (in our case we need to research and talk with experts) Sometimes there is more than one correct path - each with their own speed bumps.  So, although there are unknowns, we feel ok about the way forward.  Does that mean everything with this treatment plan will go smoothly?  Probably not… But we have learned that the “rightness” of something isn’t based on whether or not it is easy or without complication.  When Zoe was first diagnosed in 2011, Sean and I both had strong experiences that caused us to feel that chemo was the right treatment option at that time.  So, we confidently proceeded with that plan.  Almost from day 1 there were problems.  Chemo Plan A turned into Plan B, C, etc…  and then eventually we had to scrap the plan altogether and quit chemo early.  HOWEVER, it was still the right plan and we can say that with confidence.  I haven't really had an experience this time around that has given me 100% confidence or surety - but I can say I feel like it is a good choice - it doesn't feel wrong.  So, we're moving ahead...