These guys could teach Joe Buck a thing or two

The following is written by David Kamoe, a life-long sports fan whose sister is a close friend. David is an avid A's fan, wen to to high school with Drew Gooden and can't believe that Giants commentator Mike Krukow used to refer to the right-centerfield expanse at Pac Bell Park as "Finley Alley," referring to Steve Finley who remarkably wore a Giants uniform for a season. David will likely be stopping by these parts a few times a month, so treat him right. And no sister jokes.

I don’t know exactly when, but at some point in the not-too-distant future, baseball will lose a great man. Ernie Harwell -- the voice of the Tigers for 42 years -- will succumb to the cancer currently ailing him.

I have never met Mr. Harwell nor have I been to Comerica Park. I do, however, know what it’s like to lose the voice of your team.

Bill King was the voice I heard every time I listened to an A’s game as a child. When he died in 2005, I was saddened not only because the Bay Area had lost 40 years of broadcasting gold, but also because I felt like I hadn’t heard him enough. From the Holy Roller to Hatteberg winning the 20th in a row, Bill King was there.

I had the opportunity to meet Bill King -- albeit briefly -- in 2004 at Spring Training. My only regret -- as with his overall career -- was that I didn’t talk to him for longer.

I consider Bill King and Ernie Harwell cut out of the same cloth. Legends in their field that almost transcend their sport. I feel the loss of Bill King only when I hear a great moment in A’s past with him on the call. I can only imagine that Tigers fans have the same feeling while listening to games on the radio.

This is one of the many reasons why people hate the likes of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Okay, so there are at least a hundred thousand reasons, but I don’t feel like going over all of them. The best possible way to handle that situation is to give over all nationally televised baseball games to Jon Miller. Miller works Giants games Monday through Saturday and does ESPN Sunday night games. Oh, and he’s a fantastic broadcaster and I’m an A’s fan.

Frankly, I’m not sure there is such thing as a great or even good color commentator. More people tend to focus on play-by-play men like Bill King and Ernie Harwell.

These are men who set the standard for excellence in broadcasting carried out by someone like Jon Miller. They are treasures of the game and are honored as such by their communities and fans. And while I could go on an El-Dorado-sized rant about Bill King not being in the Baseball Hall of Fame, I will abstain. For now.

I would like to offer good thoughts to Ernie Harwell and all Tigers fans. As I said, I’ve never met Mr. Harwell but I hope to go to a Tigers game in person sometime soon. For those of you who may have grown up with a similarly stand-out voice, think a good thought for that person. Whether it be Foster Hewitt, the late Myra Cope or Johnny Most, or Ernie Harwell, treasure those moments when they helped teach you the game.

It's hard work being Tim McCarver

Being a catcher is hard work, man. Gotta be able to hit a nasty slider, handle a similar nasty slider and play at your best in the toughest situations.

For former catcher Tim McCarver, that was the easy part. Trying to broadcast a World Series is much more difficult.

Veteran Fox analyst Tim McCarver used to be a catcher. But, he suggests, his mike presents more challenges than foul tips. "It's a lot tougher to announce a World Series that it is to play in one," he says. "Playing in it, you can do something about it."

It's also tough work when you're not very smart. And, hey, forming complete sentences with verbs and nouns and adjectives is challenging for any grown up.

Not quoted in the story: Joe Buck.

[USA Today via Ben Maller]

Hats off, TBS: you're just as bad as FOX

We were looking forward to the the first round of the playoffs NOT being on FOX; anything is better than Joe Buck.

While TBS is a nice change of pace, it isn't exactly taking advantage of the situation.

Tuesday, Chip Carey mistook a double play for a base hit (and we swear did something similar Wednesday! Anyone get audio?) and also didn't pay much attention to Brandon Inge's shirt being hit with the bases loaded in the 12th.

Then there's Craig Sager and his ridiculous suits. One writer puts it best: "A reporter’s job is to tell the story, not try to become part of it." We'd just say he looks like crayon.

And anybody feel us when we say that it sounds like Ron Darling constantly has glue in his mouth?

Act now and you too can avoid listening to Joe Buck

Last October I wrote about all the possible ways you could watch the World Series without having to listen to the awful Fox announcers. This may sound easy, but of course the problem is that the sound from the radio is often 3-4 seconds ahead of the TV signal, so it makes it pretty annoying to simply mute the TV and listen to the radio. So I looked at the various ways you could delay the radio signal to match it up with the TV. One of the most affordable options was the SportSync radio.

Well, I am proud to announce that I am now the lucky owner of a SportSync radio. I put it on my Amazon wish list, and good ol' Mom got it for me for my birthday. I have tested its delaying capabilities and I am happy to say that it totally works. I can now watch a Giants game and listen to Jon Miller calling it on the radio, and they are perfectly in sync! Needless to say I am more than excited to use this genius invention during the playoffs and World Series.

Sadly I have no idea how long this thing takes to ship once you order it, but I strongly urge all of you Joe Buck haters to order one RIGHT NOW. You will not be disappointed.

Reason 2,193 why Gus Johnson is fucking awesome

Really not a good way to start the season for Cincy. That kinda sucks. And the Bengals were going to be very bad anyway, so this isn't good. The Bengals could be the '08 Lions. This is not good at all. Why doesn't this happen to New England? We suppose the answer to that would be that the Pats would be leading by more than a point at home against the lowly Broncos. But, eesh, what a horrible way to lose. LOVE Johnson's call, though.

What kind of question is that?

In Peter King's most-recent Monday Morning Quarterback, he fires this gem off at Peyton Manning:

"Jim Johnson died of melanoma. You're pretty fair-skinned. You take precautions against skin cancer?''

Wait. WHAT?! We've worked as a sportswriter. We went to school to learn how to be a reporter. We learned all about open- and close-ended questions. We learned about nut grafs. We learned about how to report in crisis situations.

Nowhere, not once, did it mention asking some one who's perfectly healthy a completely off-the-wall question about somebody who recently died.

Drew at KSK responds nicely: “Hey Peyton, Derrick Thomas died in a car accident. Do you buckle your seat belt, or will you too end up a giant red pile of sinew on the side of the highway?”

All right, future sportswriters of America: to get a job at SI, ask somebody the strangest fucking question you can think of. And talk about your travel itinerary.

Hey, FOX and ESPN, fuck you. We don't care about the Yankees and Red Sox.

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Mark Cuban doesn't really like blogs anymore, OK?

Once thought a pioneer -- he's a billionaire NBA owner and he blogs! He's just like us! -- Mark Cuban is sorta not cool with blogs anymore and no one else should be, either, because Mark Cuban said so, dammit.

Has anyone noticed that its impossible to trust a single word uttered about coaching changes, the draft, trades and even celebration parties these days?

Unfortunately, ESPN and local newspapers, radio and TV media have become the patsies of bloggers. If some random blogger reports that “he has heard that a trade of Joe for John is being discussed”, then the traditional media, as they have told me many times “is requested by their editor to run it down and see if its real.” It's almost like a sad joke. How do you make an ESPN reporter jump? Make up something and put it on your blog. Somewhere a bunch of sports bloggers are playing a drinking game. Chug if the other guys made up trade rumor makes the ESPN crawl.

How to stop it? ESPN.com puts up a page of blacklisted blogs and websites who’s posts they wont comment on or report on in any way. It will create a short term surge of traffic for those sites, but then they will go away as the proprietors of the sites realize that being discredited is not a good thing.

Whew! We thought we were only ones playing that drinking game.

(Blog Maverick via Ben Maller via The Philadelphia Inquirer).

SI.com redesigns, a nation rejoices

SI.com, following ESPN's front-page overhaul from a while back, has decided it too should revamp the look, as evident in the nifty before-and-after shot above.

Looks fine, clean, simple. Necessary? Absolutely not. We feel that everybody hates change the way that a person hates black licorice. Sometimes the best move in response to the competitor is the move you don't make.

Your thoughts? Like it? Hate it? Didn't notice? More interested in removing that ingrown hair on your neck? Leave it all in the comments if you give two shits.

You can bet on Rollie Massimino's face-time

Hey, Villanova's in the Final Four. The last time the Wildcats were there was 1985 when they won the championship. The coach? Rollie Massimino. Guess what? He's still alive and still likes going to basketball games! Someone at CBS just got a little wet.

According to Bodog, there is a prop bet on how many times we'll see Massimino on CBS' telecast Saturday when 'Nova takes on North Carolina. The over/under on how many times he'll be shown has been set at 3.5.

Over. Duh. If it was FOX, though, the over/under would probably be set at 10. And somehow we'd see shots of the Ohio State marching band.

[Ben Maller]

Maria Sharapova involved in MTV show?

Peanut butter and jelly. Ham and cheese. Porn and lube.

Maria Sharapova and MTV was a match just waiting to happen, except it wasn't and no one can really be sure why the two would pair up. But nonetheless...

Maria Sharapova will serve as executive producer of a drama series for MTV that is loosely based on her life on the pro tennis tour, a well-placed source said. MTV has agreed to the concept, but Sharapova, who is working on the project with her agent and screenwriters, must first produce a pilot that MTV agrees to, the source said. Sharapova in 2007 had an agreement with the CW network, but that deal fell apart with last year's writers strike

The show, if it materializes, will probably have music in the background legitimizing the fact that MTV is still called Music Television.

[Sports Business Journal via Ben Maller]

This Michael Strahan to star in FOX sitcom rumor might have some legs

We told you last month that those high-paid creative execs at FOX might have outsmarted themselves again by trying to involve former Giants star Michael Strahan in a new sitcom.

Well, that rumor might be coming to life. Way to follow through with those bang-up ideas!

Former pro football player Michael Strahan, who now serves as a football analyst for "Fox NFL Sunday," is trying out his sitcom chops.

Strahan is set to star in the laffer pilot "Brothers" (working title), which Fox greenlit on Friday. Also set to star: Daryl "Chill" Mitchell ("Ed"). Ted Wass is attached to direct.

"Brothers" will star Strahan as a retired NFL player who returns to his hometown and starts working to reconnect with his family -- especially his brother (Mitchell), who is confined to a wheelchair following a car accident

Sounds like a homerun. (Touchdown?) It's bound to make it to at least a fifth episode.

[Variety via Ben Maller]

Michael Strahan to star in FOX sitcom?

Just when you thought the FOX programming schedule couldn't get much worse ("Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader?" and "Secret Millionaire") it looks like the network will be turning to former Giants star Michael Strahan to get a laugh.

From the NY Daily News via Ben Maller:

Michael Strahan will be on the tube, too. We hear the 6-foot-5 ex-Giant is in negotiations to star in a Fox sitcom, having gotten a taste of the laugh track on “Chuck.”

We have a feeling it will be a cross between "Mama's Family" and "Charles in Charge." With a laugh track. Naturally.

L.T. -- no, the one with the drug problem -- to be on Dancing with the Stars

ABC's Dancing with the Stars has announced its eighth-season lineup and it includes two athletes: Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor and a gymnast named Shawn Johnson who you might have heard of if you're a woman or are gay.

They'll join a bunch of people you won't care about and also Denise Richards.

Did you see Wild Things? Denise Richards gets naked it in. Like naked naked. And she tongues Neve Campbell. And Matt Dillon is there, too. Not sure how he really fits in. He's a freakin' guidance counselor. What kind of guidance counselor scores a three way with Denise Richards and Neve Campbell? Usually the only "threesome" a guidance counselor knows is a bottle of whiskey and a 9mm. Anyway, Denise Richards was smoking hot in that movie. Her tits are like perfect. Here's a screengrab (NSFW). See, great tits. She was then married to Charlie Sheen who might have beat her. Maybe it was cheat on her. Might've been both, actually. But he definitely porked her. Two and a Half Men isn't a very good show.

But it's better than Dancing with the Stars. Lawrence Taylor's gonna be on Dancing with the Stars. There's a cocaine joke in there somewhere.

Rumor: Seattle P-I for sale, could close

Scary news for anyone still -- we jumped ship a few months ago -- in the newspaper industry. Seattle's NBC affiliate, KING 5, reported Thursday that the Seattle P-I, the state's second largest paper behind The Seattle Times, is up for sale and could likely close.

KING/5 reported at 5 p.m. that "a source close to the deal" said The Hearst Corp., owner of the Seattle P-I, would announce as soon as Friday that it's putting the P-I up for sale.

The report, which also appeared on the station's Web site, added, "We're told Hearst does not expect another buyer to step forward and that Seattle will likely become a one-newspaper town within the next few months."

The P-I's sport section is pretty good and those writers could be out of work in the coming weeks. Will they look for a job at The Times? Go online? Start a sports blog?

Stacey Dales will not settle for Coach, thanks

Bad news for men, penises and us: Stacey Dales is rumored to be out at ESPN.

Deadspin came up with this emailed lead about why Dales, who provides us plenty of traffic when she's on the tube because of this, is likely to leave the World Wide Leader. And it's pretty funny stuff.

(Again, rumored. As in not for sure. Like there's a chance this isn't real. But it might be. But it might not be. But maybe it is!)

"Refused to sign her contract, even though ESPN management repeatedly kept re-offering her a chance to sign. Rumor is she had trouble dealing with the travel stipulations of flying coach; while she watched many of her talent colleagues pile into first class."

She's probably stuck between two dudes who are Mark-Mangino fat and has a crying baby behind her. Naturally, the passenger directly in front of her pushed the seat back all the way and the flight attendant spilled her Diet Coke.

Fucking Coach. C'mon, she was nearly a Would you do... champion. At least give her Business.

Craig Sager is giving sport coats a bad name

No, no, no! You have it all wrong, Craig Sager. Purple does not go with the brown shoes. Nope. All wrong.

Then again, "all wrong," is a pretty accurate way to describe Sager's fashion sense and overall demeanor. The man is embarrassing himself and the sport-coat-and-slacks look for men in general. You know it, we know it and Kevin Garnett knows it.

The best word to describe Sager: gimmicky. We fucking hate gimmicks and Sager switching up his blazer like Mr. Rogers and his fucking sweaters has no place in sports.

You can see a wide variety of Sager's gimmicks here and cringe at every one. It's not that Sager is even that bad at what he does, which we think is something made only for attractive women. But when he pulls that shit with his wardrobe, he's begging not to be taken seriously. His shenanigans make him appear more like a circus clown than a reporter.

But maybe in another life Sager was a clown. Or perhaps Ronald McDonald could provide the TNT and TBS audiences with occasional sideline updates.

NBC is probably paying Tiki Barber a lot of money

Hold the fucking phones: Tiki Barber is going to be on TV next season! Whoa!

We're so shocked by this, Martin Luther King's ghost could speak to us and tell us that his dream really consisted of two chicks doing it in the front of a bus and we wouldn't be mildly surprised.

Whoa! Deep breathe. Exhale.

OK, now that we've collected ourselves, here are some details that you may or may not care about. Tiki Barber -- running back, twin, bald -- will work for NBC next season and appear on the "Today" show and do some football shit too.

The football-related thing is expected, but the "Today" show?! Isn't that with Katie Couric?! OK, so morning talk shows are about as foreign to us as non-malted liquor. Couric is long gone from the show. Our bad. Meredith Vieira is now the host. Along with Matt Lauer. We smell an on-set affair, FYI.

Hey, Al Roker's on the show too. Maybe he'll teach Tiki all about tummy-tucks and Gastric Bypass operations.

We're done with our little "Today" show rant. Bet it's really pretty neat. We're just curious what Tiki -- a football player after all -- will add to it. Though we're 110% sure the on-air chemistry between Tiki and Roker will be undeniable. Yep. Undeniable