Writing Challenge: Treasure

Note: I've been struggling with this piece for a few months. I started it quite easily, but then I stopped halfway as it got very heavy on me and I kept avoiding it for a while (also because I had no idea how to end it). After finally continuing the piece, I wrote a different ending, but didn't feel it was the right one. I didn't want to leave it hanging, but didn't want a sickly sweet ending, either, so this was my final choice. This piece is inspired by an heirloom I received from my mother. She gave me and my brother's wife a similar kind of bracelet after we got married.

Her legs buckled. The soft, thick carpet softened her landing. She slumped back to the edge of the bed, needing support. A long, raw sigh was heard, then her lips began to tremble.

Why did I decide to do this bloody autumn cleaning? she groaned inside.

Her right hand was holding the family heirloom given by her mother. It was an old bracelet made of white and yellow gold with a classic side clasp. Yellow gold lined up the outer rings of the bracelet, whereas the middle part made of white gold had intricate leaf patterns carved into it. Nobody made that kind of bracelet anymore. Her mother had received it from her own mother. God knows where her grandmother had gotten it from, but one important fact remained: she was planning to give it to her own daughter or to her son's bride.

Except that there was never a child.

She hugged her knees, feeling a wave of pain bury her under. No time to escape. The wave came so fast and hit her like a ton of bricks. She squeezed her eyes shut as grief clenched its mighty fist around her heart, making it hard for her to breathe. Hot tears started rolling down her cheeks and soon her sobs broke the silence of the room. Her sobs rose to a crescendo and then she started wailing as the intensity of the pain only seemed to grow. She let out a loud cry of anguish as she looked up and opened her eyes. More wailing, more groaning, back to sobbing until finally the sobbing stopped even though the tears kept on coming.

She felt drained. She stayed there for a long time, going back and forth mentally from her inner self to her surroundings. The tick-tocking of the clock, the subsiding pain in her chest, the neighbour's dog barking outside, the salty taste of her tears, the absence of children in her house, the intricate patterns on the soft carpet, ghosts of self-pity that threatened to come out from the shadows, the annoying tick-tocking of the clock, back to the hollowness inside. Then she hit the brake, wiped her face with the right sleeve of her shirt, and summoned her logic.

"What is the biggest lesson that you've been learning so far?" her logic asked.

"Letting go," she answered.

"And that is what you shall learn again, my dear."

Forty six years later...

I have been living here in this antique shop for a few years, waiting for my new owner to come and get me. Until then, I'm going to make the best of my time here surrounded with many other antique friends, talking about our previous owners and their lives.

Writing Challenge: When I Am An Old Woman

For this writing challenge, I decided to combine photo and text. Here is what I made:

Here's what my text says.

When I Am An Old Woman

When I'm an old woman...

I still want to believe in humanity,

Still want to have a zest for learning,

Still want to think that life is beautiful

And worth living no matter what.

When I'm an old woman, 

I want to wake up believing that

Today is a gift for me. 

P.S. Well, I know we're supposed to wake up and believe that today is a gift for us even when we're not old, but I was thinking that maybe that thought is even more profound in one's old age? We shall see...that's if I ever get to be that old he he...

Writing Challenge: Elaborate Lie About Myself

Warning: This post contains violence and is PURE FICTION! Read at your own discomfort. This post was written because of a writing challenge in which I had to write an elaborate lie about myself. This was what I came up with. I'm going to give some space between this warning and my post.

Okay, ready? 





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I've killed someone.

There. I've said it. I had never had my blood boiling like that before. Such rage surged from within me. Oh, the injustice of it all! My father was innocent. He had always been an honest man - too honest perhaps. He would never have done what that man thought he had done.

I will never forget the day my dad came home with teary eyes, holding his cheek. Apparently that man had punched him, but I think what made him hurt the most was the fact that he was accused of being dishonest. He was dismissed from work just like that and become unemployed even though he did nothing wrong.

I couldn't forgive that man. I wanted to crush him and his whole family, but taking out his whole family would probably be too difficult for a teenager like me and in my twisted mind, taking his life would probably be enough to satisfy my revengeful spirit. After that incident, my dad became morose and depressed. He would stare at the walls for hours on end and talked to his own shadow. Nothing we did could coax him out of his shell. My mom had to work twice as hard to earn enough money for the family and my elder brother had to quit school to work so that my mom and he could pay for my education. My heart broke into pieces. I couldn't forgive that man for having ruined my family, so I took matters into my own hand.

It took me many months before I finally found a crooked man who would teach me a ninjutsu assassin's technique on how to blow a poisonous dart. My chance appeared when a cousin held a wedding party about a year later. Just in time for me to execute my plan. After all, I had been practising with frogs for a whole year and as long as the target was in a close range, I knew I'd be able to hit it without fail.

In the party venue I spotted that man laughing and talking with another guest, having the time of his life. He had been living such an easy life even after what he had done to my dad. I was seething inside, but I managed to calm myself down in order to wait for the perfect opportunity. I didn't want to fail. He had to get what he deserved!

The perfect timing finally came when he was walking towards the toilet. I had been watching him all the time from the corner of my eyes, so I quickly followed him. Alas, he managed to get inside before I could take out my poisonous dart that I had hidden carefully in my purse. So I waited until he came out, hoping that nobody else was in the vicinity when the moment came.

The few minutes felt like forever. My hands were slightly trembling, but I had been taught how to control my thoughts by that crooked man. What a great guru he was!

Luckily for me, nobody was around when he came out. The women's toilet was located further away to the back of the party venue, so when he came out to walk back towards where the guests were, he had his back on me. He didn't see it coming! I took a long breath and then blew the dart. Off it went, landing straight on the backside of his neck. He must've felt the sting because he ran one hand to the back of his neck, but before his hand could reach it, his legs gave out and he collapsed. His body convulsed, his eyes were wide with fear, and then nothing. I quickly came close to check whether or not he was still breathing, pulled the dart out, then dashed back to the party venue with a victorious smile on my face.

I've killed a man and I've gotten away with it. Karma's a bitch. 

Writing Challenge: What I Want To Say To My 14-year-old Self

Warning to myself: If you ever travel to the future and manage to find this post, DO NOT read it. I don't want you to change anything in your life and reading this post will ruin so many surprises. The same goes for my blogs. DO NOT read them, either!

Ahem...okay, now that the most important thing is done, let's start...First of all, look at that hair! And yes, back then there was no digital camera (nor did you have your own camera), so you haven't learnt how to take a selfie with a smile LOL! I remember you hated the fact that you couldn't smile naturally in front of a studio photographer like your other friend who was so photogenic. It wasn't that you were jealous of her, but you admired her for being able to do that.

Secondly, holy smokes, don't you just look so innocent? ;-D Actually I'm just here to say that many things in your life that you haven't really planned have happened - mostly good though. And I'm pleased to say that you've learnt to be kinder to yourself in ways that you could never even begin to understand (because you were just so hard on yourself sometimes). Some of your dreams have come true and at least one will never come true, but you'll survive through it and you'll grow so much throughout that journey (which I suspect will last until your last breath).

And those kids that befriended you back then at school? They're still your friends. In the future you'll become much more open with people and you'll have a blast (unintentionally) fooling people with your "cover". At uni some friends would describe their first impressions of you as "the fridge" (looking so cool and a bit unapproachable) or "the rock" (for being so quiet) LOL! But they admitted that after getting to know you better, their first impressions were wrong.

And the job that you thought would be ideal for you? Turned out it was the worst ever. Seven weeks only and you walked out of the door already, feeling sure you'd never ever come back to that kind of place. You'll then have other jobs that never even crossed your mind. Ha! Life is full of surprises. :-)

You'll marry your second boyfriend and move halfway across the world and that would be the biggest adventure of your life, oh, you who always played it safe all her life! And only after you move halfway across the world at the age of 28 will you then start learning to laugh at your mistakes. The most frequent lesson you're going to learn is letting go: of people, expectations, dreams, plans, anger, etc. etc. etc.

Almost forgot...remember that dream you had where you stood in front of a huge window overlooking a winter scenery in a village? It felt so real and it was stuck in your mind like a movie scene. That actually came true. Well, the scene isn't exactly the same, but at least the winter scenery and the huge windows are pretty much similar. Isn't that cool? :-D

P.S. Enjoy having those cute guys to crush on from afar in Junior High School! :-D

3BT: Random Days

1. This month I managed to save more money for our upcoming Indo/Singapore trip. YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!! Thankful to have a job still.

2. Next week I'll have my first batch of summer holiday (not going anywhere because need to save money for the Indo/Sgp trip and hubby has to work), but looking forward to recharging and doing some spring cleaning and reading. :-D Oh, and daydreaming about having this in Indo:


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3. Hubby's patience, sense of humor, and good nature. I rarely see him in a bad mood (well, except when his computer does weird stuff but that's understandable because at work he's been battling with computers anyway) but he tolerates me so well when I'm in a bad mood. In fact, he often makes me laugh when I'm in a bad mood (don't ask me how, he just does!). How amazing is that?

4. Writing this fun piece for a writing challenge entitled: "If I was the woman next door..."

If I was the woman next door, I'd spend more time playing to my heart's content and sleeping. I would come and go as I please, knowing that when I come back home, someone will welcome me with open arms and heart. I would spend less money on clothing and make-up and just present myself au naturel, because I believe I look best that way. Oh, but I do like grooming myself to the best of my ability. That's for sure.

If I was the woman next door, I'd say no when I'm not in the mood to say yes and I would reject visitors without feeling bad about it. Baby shower? No, sorry, not interested. Laser party with my best friends? Bring it on!

If I was the woman next door, I wouldn't befriend anyone that I didn't feel like befriending, either. And I surely wouldn't even think that I'm not doing anything productive by doing nothing, because that's when I recharge and regroup after all the fun and rewarding activities I've done. Here I am doing nothing...auuummmm...recharge...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Whoops! Sorry, this whole recharging thing just made me kinda sleepy. Let me get back on track.

Where was I? Oh yeah...if I was the woman next door, I'd demand plenty of hugs and kisses and delicious food from my housemate. I'd also focus more on the present than the future or the past. What exciting thing that I can do right now? Is there anything worth doing at the moment? Sleeping perhaps? Or cuddling with my housemate? Eyeing the next door neighbour to check out what he's doing? Anyway, focusing on the present is far more urgent, because don't they say that the present is a gift? But well, maybe I get this all wrong, because after all, I'm just a cat. Meow. 


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On Writing

Sometimes words find me. I may not be actively searching for any ideas to write, but then they just come to my mind and it's like they beg me to write them. Sometimes their voices are very strong and the longer I postpone writing those words, the stronger they become and the clearer they get. They won't leave me alone until I write them down. As if they kept on saying, "Write us! Write uuuusss!" over and over and over again.

Other times I struggle to put all the pieces together into a post, because I may be still be wondering how to end the post or I may still be trying to think of all the pieces in that post and still not sure of the best way to convey what I want to say in one particular post. The subject matter may be touchy or complex or it may be about an ongoing problem to which I have no answer(s) yet. 

There are also occasions when I read someone else's blog post and then the post awakens another post within my mind. I especially love being enlightened by someone else's post that prompts me to write a post of my own. The post I read may shift, change, or widen my perspective or it may even be teaching me new stuff that I never knew before.

And let's not forget those posts that I leave half-finished in my draft. Sometimes I do get back to those half-written posts and finish them, but other times I just leave them be because the mood has changed and it's almost impossible to go back to writing with the same tone of voice or depth of feelings. It's a bit of a shame whenever I lose the chance to capture the moment (the tone of voice or the depth of feelings). 


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I LOVE getting inspirations out of nowhere at the weirdest time of any day, though the problem with this kind of inspiration is that they may come right before I fall asleep or even in the middle of sleep (I wake up to pee and before I go back to sleep, the words find me) and when that happens, I get too lazy to get up and write them down (especially if I have work the next day), so what I try to do is just repeat them several times in my brain and tell my brain to remember at least the gist of the post and the next day I try to quickly transform them into a post. However, I have also lost plenty of posts because I leave it too long or I don't repeat the ideas several times and things happen and the words leave me after a while. That is a shame, but at least every once in a while I read someone else's writing that does remind me of those thoughts and I enjoy experiencing those moments, as well.

There are also those rare occasions when I just click on "write a blog post" and start from scratch without any specific idea what I'm about to write. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. Sometimes my writing ideas start from a subject matter that I haven't exactly developed yet in my brain, but when I start writing about it, the words just flow out without any restraint.

All in all, I have always loved writing, but I LOVE it even more now than ever before. Writing has been very cathartic and it's also allowed me to connect with other people. Words have substantial power, not just for other people, but also for yourself. How about you? How do you find ideas to write? Do words also find you sometimes?


P.S. Here's my latest creation in the weekly challenge group that I've joined in. The incident I described below happened in High School.

Weekly Challenge: Fear

Stay calm, Amel. Picksomebodyelsepicksomebodyelsepicksomebodyelse....

He looked around the room and then I heard him say my name.

ShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitSHIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!

I got up from my seat, walked a few steps forward, got up the two steps of the long wooden platform, picked up a piece of chalk, and tried to think of a solution to the tricky Math equation on the blackboard.

Think, brain! Which formulas should I choose to break this down? THINK FAST!!! I don't want him to yell at me!

Famous for his temper, when the teacher yelled at us, his voice carried through the neighbouring classrooms and I certainly didn't want to be the victim of his wrath.

I started writing down the solution to the equation, though I wasn't sure at all whether it was the right one. The hand that gripped the chalk started to feel damp. Forty pairs of eyes were focusing on me.

Ugh. What next? I'm stuck!

The teacher got up from his seat, walked across the length of the room, opened the door of the classroom, clasped his arms in front of his thin body, and looked out.

I could see his movement from the corner of my eyes and when I realized that he wasn't looking at me, I slowly turned around and tried to make some frantic-yet-discreet S.O.S. signals to my seatmate because she was brilliant at Math. Alas, she had no time to help me because the teacher started turning around to face the classroom again.

I wrote something down, erased it, then wrote something else, then erased it. Tick tock tick tock tick tock...He closed the door, walked back towards his seat and sat down. I didn't know what else to write. A few seconds later, I felt a mini earthquake.

Oh no, an earthquake at this exact moment? You've gotta be kidding me! No, no, no, focus on the equation! The teacher's staring at you now! OK OK OK OK OK. Stop the earthquake already!!!! It's ruining my concentration! GRRRRRRRR!!!!! How can I solve this bloody equation?

Wait a minute! How come the entire class is so calm then even though the earthquake hasn't stopped yet? Hmmmm...but I can still feel the tremors...what the?

HOLY SMOKES! So the culprit is my own legs!!! ARRRGGGHHH!!! Help meeeeeee!!!

With legs still buckling on the wooden platform, the teacher breathed out a deep sigh and finally told me to sit down.

Phew!

Warm February

This month has been exceptionally warm, with temperatures close to 0'C or even reaching 1'C. However, the sun hasn't been showing up for days on end. Usually at this time of the year I don't need to use my light box anymore (because daylight time is supposed to be 7-8 hours a day already), but these days I still use it a few times a week. It's going to feel REALLY great when the sun's finally up again (it's been cloudy and snowing).

Oh yeah, I've finally secured my summer holiday to go back to Indo with R2. The boss has told me that it won't be a problem. Phew! We haven't bought the tickets yet, but I've been browsing for hotels in Singapore because we're going to stay there 2 nights in order to rest our bodies. Glad to know these days there are several direct flights from Singapore to my hometown, so we don't have to take the bus from Jakarta airport to Bandung. It saves so much time this way and I'm also glad that Finnair has direct flights from Helsinki to Singapore. YYYEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!

Anyway, I've been joining a Google+ online community where the members get weekly challenges. They can either post a photo, a text, or both and I must say it's been very beneficial for me to tap into my creative side.

Here's my latest post. This week's challenge is LOVE. I posted this photo along with the poem below.

You took a big piece of my heart with you
when you never came...
Yet people think that because you never came,
I have nothing to lose.
How wrong!

I had loved you even before you could have been,
I love you still even when you're not here,
And I shall love you until my last breath
Because you're mine.
Yes, you're mine...
Even when you never came...

3BT: Random Days

1. A customer gave me two bunches of tulips (pink and purple). They're still blooming nicely in my kitchen. :-D BLESS him!!!

2. Watching this funny video:


3. Enjoying the abundance of spring sunlight. Despite the fact that it can still drop down to -20'C this month (which is not normal), the sun has been smiling at us a lot these days. Ahhhhhh...

4. New challenges at work will appear in a few months' time, so it's gonna be exciting (though in the beginning it might be stressful) LOL!!! But I'm psyched to learn new stuff! :-D

5. Anticipating the two birthday celebrations this month (MIL's and R2's). CAKE CAKE CAKE!!!! :-D *drool*

6. A bigger fridge at work. :-D

Ups and Downs

I'm not talking about my mood here, but the challenges at the daycare he he he...These past two weeks even the teacher said that there've been quite challenging kids. I mean, those kids who didn't use to give any trouble have now been acting out. I guess it's just a phase in their development. I'm still having trouble trying to control them, so THANK GOD the teacher is always ready to help out in disciplining them. My brain and mouth coordination is still rather slow, so I have to learn from watching her discipline them and try to remember so that next time something similar happens, I can act more quickly.

I've also had a little talk with the teacher when the kids were outside. She asked me if I had problems and I mentioned to her about how some of them didn't seem to obey my words. She said that it was normal 'coz they were all in the phase where they loved challenging adults to find out their boundaries. I just had to continue trying to discipline them and never give in. She also gave me some tips on how to deal with them. COOL!!!

Other than that, though, today I got a nice surprise 'coz when I first arrived, one boy ran towards me and hug me! What's surprising was that I had always felt that he was the toughest one to get close to. The first few times we were together there, it seemed that he was rather "cold" to me - not really cold, but keeping some distance. So I wasn't really expecting a hug from him, though I wouldn't be surprised getting hugs from some other kids.

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I'm looking forward to this week's long weekend 'coz then I have time to complete my small project. I've been browsing for some homemade games that I can bring to the classroom and I haven't had enough time or energy to complete it 'coz it's been snowing a lot and I cleaned up the snow on Sunday and also yesterday.

Funny thing was that time flies SO fast when I'm busy outside. On Sunday I was outside for almost 2 hours!!! I guess in a way it didn't feel like a long time 'coz it was cold, so I didn't feel that I was sweating, though in actuality I did sweat a lot. That's also one reason why I haven't been doing any Taebo or Zumba lately. I've had enough exercise already he he he he...It's good in a way that I can eat more without worrying about any weight gain HO HO HO HO HO...I'm a food lover, so you know how happy I am to be able to eat more! :-D

I'll blog-hop later. Right now I need to eat and then cook and continue reading a Finnish chicklit (my third novel!!!).

Fish Out of Water

Just a short update on the training. As usual, there are lapses of time when no tourist comes into the office, so that can be pretty boring. Moving to a place where I have to learn to speak a different language makes me feel like a fish out of water. I'm merely stating this as a fact, mind you. I'm not complaining or anything. I'm writing this down so that I'll always remember this. Plus maybe somebody else who's reading this and experiencing the same thing will feel not so alone he he he he he...

During my Finnish class, I didn't feel this way since we were together in the same pond or lake or ocean (us students), the same . But when the training started and now another one started, the feeling came back. I "almost" forgot that feeling he he he he...

There's something soothing about being inside your safety zone. The real challenge about being outside of your safety zone is being able to accept yourself no matter what and being able to be kind to yourself, even when you feel the least competent or able to do anything much.

You've gotta learn to be like a kid again, to embrace the unknown with enthusiasm, not with discouragement, cynicism, and self-reproach. And what's most vital is that you shouldn't give up mentally!!! And you've gotta learn to stop comparing yourself with others 'coz everybody grows at different paces, just like kids do.

Enough rambling! Time for me to take a nap. I'll blog-hop later he he he...

What Does 2007 Mean to Me?

Juliana tagged me to do this meme. Let's see what I have to say he he he...

~ Start Copy ~

Rules :
1. Copy from "Start Copy" until "End of Copy".
2. Before "End of Copy", share your best memories of 2007 include your name and your URL blog.
3. Share this tag to your friends.

For me, the year 2007 had a lot of happiness (and hope for 2008). Happiness because i see my son, grow and grow day by day. I have a great husband. I met lots of new friends from around the world via blogging ^_^ - Juliana RW

~000~

For me, the year 2007 is a year of BLESSINGS and LESSONS. First of all, after battling with bureaucracy for months, I finally got my residence permit so I could at last move to Finland to be with my hubby. Secondly, an evening Finnish course started at the right time and in the right place (6 months after I moved to Finland and it was near my house). Thirdly, I get to enjoy marital bliss with my hubby (WAY better than I thought it could be). Fourthly, hubby found a permanent job miraculously!!! Last but not least, I've also started earning some money online since last month plus I've got SO MANY friends around the world now. And my in-laws are VERY warm and welcoming and considerate. Plus my brother's just got married and his wedding was smooth. And my parents are healthy (Dad had a mini stroke not long after I moved to Finland, but now he's healthy again!).

THANK GOD for everything I've been given this year. THANK GOD for every miracle He's performed in my life, for every door He's opened.

Moving to Finland also means challenges. You can read a list of lessons I've learnt and re-learnt since I moved to Finland here and you'll see why I said this year is a year of lessons. - Amel

~ End of Copy ~

I'm tagging:

Max
Fish Without Bicycle
Blur Ting
Michelle